Ch 2

I decided to tell Charlie at breakfast. Before I walked down the stairs I paused and tried to gather my courage. With my acceptance letter in hand and my backpack slung on my back, I stepped down. My heart beat quickly. I hoped he would understand. Charlie was eating his cereal while I nibbled on my toast. I put down my toast and bit the bullet.

"Dad, I have something to tell you. Well, a few things. First, Jake and I are no longer friends. He told me so a few days ago. He didn't say why but it was abundantly clear he didn't want to see me again." The look on his face was heartbreaking: confusion, sadness, anger. He was about to say something but I cut him off. If I stopped now I wouldn't get all this out and I'd cry again. "I've been unhappy for a while now. First the Cullen's left and it was clear they didn't want to see me again either. I know you didn't like them but they meant everything to me. It was the large family I never had... I uh..between being left behind by them and Jake ostracizing me, I decided to make a change. " I finished my prepared statement. Somehow saying it outloud made it all real.

"I'm sorry Bells.."

"It's not your fault dad, you've been great. And I'm sorry for putting you through a strenuous time. I feel crummy about it, you are better than I deserve." I paused trying to come up with a segue and found none. I decided to just jump into it. "But everything around me is a reminder of my failures here. Um..It just so happens I got in several schools and one of them is for early admission and I checked and I can graduate from high school early-"

"What? But Bells..can't you just wait a little longer. Graduate in June like everyone else." Charlie admonished. I resisted the urge to put my hands on my forehead and sigh.

"Dad. I'm wilting here. There is nothing here for me anymore. I can't be in Forks any longer and I don't want to go back to Arizona. I need something new. Anyways, I've already decided. I've accepted and the semester starts in 13 days. I'm going to school." I abruptly stood up and ran out the door, my toast cold and forgotten about on my plate. I couldn't look at Charlie's face. It was plastered with emotions I couldn't process right now. He wasn't happy. But this wasn't about him.

I looked in my hands and I realized I still had my acceptance letter in my hands. I folded it and put it in a folder as soon as I got to school, which didn't start for half an hour. I realized running out like that was cowardly, but it was that or lose my composure all together. I opened my English book and attempted to study, but the words ran together in my head. I was about to completely lose it. My mind had no grasp on things. "No Bella, keep it together, take this test, pack, and follow your list. Don't buckle now." I told myself. Follow my list. I could do that. There simply wasn't time to lose it yet.

I glanced over my English final and reviewed my answers. As I predicted it was mostly about the books we had read and were on the syllabus to read. Then it was basic grammar questions, vocab, etc. Simple. School has never been that hard for me, especially here. If it was easy for me, the Cullen's must have bored stiff. I tapped my heart a few times. "Ouch! I can't think about them. One thing done, many to go. Follow the list." Satisfied, I stood up and gave Mrs. Winters my test. I glanced at the clock and saw I still had time to eat a quick lunch. She took my test and pocketed it in her folder and walked out with me.

"Good luck Miss Swan. " She said with a polite smile.

"Thank you." I replied.

I walked to the lunch room. I sat down next to Angela who glanced at me.

"Oh, I was wondering where you were." She commented, with a curious look on her face.

"Yeah, I had to do something for Mrs. Winters." I said. She nodded. "What did I miss?"

"Well, Jessica likes someone else now. Mike and Erik are pouting but they won't tell us why, and they posted the poster about Prom," Angela said as she grabbed out her flier. I nodded and glanced at it. "Enchanted Forest" theme.

"That looks interesting. Are you going?" I asked, to get any attention off me. I didn't know what to tell them yet, or when. Luckily Jessica chimed in then and talked about what kind of dress she was going to get. I ate my apple and nodded and hmm'd at the appropriate times. I was good at that.

I stopped at the town library to use their computers. Mine was slow and ancient and I needed to nail down my housing. I didn't know if there would be anything left or how much it would cost. I was also partly putting off going home. After reviewing my options, I decided just to live at the Freshman Residency. It was required, and a price I could pay.

Satisfied, I went home for round two with Charlie. This time I would actually explain that I had a partial scholarship and which school it was. Wouldn't that be helpful?

"New Mexico, Bella?" Charlie asked, now looking at the letter in his hand.

"Yeah, I wanted to go someplace warm", and far far away from here, I thought to myself.

"Where is the University of New Mexico?" Charlie asked.

"Albuquerque." I combed my hair with my fingers as I answered. Maybe I'll cut my hair also, might as well. The more changes the better. "Dad, I know this isn't your favorite plan. But are you ok with me going? After all, what difference does five months make anyways?"

"Well, there is prom and your friends…" Charlie answered. I shook my head and I did a side braid in my hair.

"Dad, you know I don't care about that. I wouldn't have even gone anyways." Afterall, there was no certain someone to force me this time. I looked directly at him. "Dad, please? I want this. I need this." If I could do the puppy dog eyes, this was the time to do it. Charlie brushed his hands through his hair. "Ok Bells, but if you aren't happy there, you can come home." I felt touched, Charlie really did care.

"Thanks dad." I whispered. I leaned forward to hug him. He looked surprised and then reciprocated. I don't blame his reaction, I can't remember the last time I hugged him. For a moment I rested my forehead on his shoulder, wanting to remember this moment.

I got word last night that I passed my test with flying colors. They would send my official transcripts to the college and my diploma to Charlie. I could've walked in June if I had wanted to, but I didn't see myself coming here more than once a year, or at all. I didn't need to go back to school, except to get my things from my locker, but that could wait a few days. As it was the weekend I was able to get much of my list done. My room was bare. I left the non-Alice clothes that fit somewhat okay, which wasn't much. "I should go shopping, so I'll have more than a handful of options but I'll wait till I get to college," I told myself. Anything that strongly reminded me of Cullen's and Jake was trashed or donated. That dream catcher given to me by Jake wasn't helpful in the least bit. And I sold that gold necklace. I was more than pleased to have it gone. I still remember how excited he had looked when he gave it to me. That's the only reason I accepted it. I think I wore it once for an hour, but it was too fancy for me.

Looking around my room now, there was an acceptance mixed with disappointment. Bittersweet is a phrase for a reason. I liked my old life. Dating a vampire was...thrilling, because I never knew what each day would bring. That was the first thing I was truly excited about in my life. I felt alive! But each rollercoaster has to end at some point. I would've done anything for them. Why could they not see that? How could they toss me out so quickly? It hurt. It hurt worse than I knew I could feel.

The list, the list. I need to remember the list. Tears spilled over, falling onto my cheek. I wiped my cheeks as I laid down on my side hugging a pillow. Why did Jake hate me? What did I do wrong? I kept reviewing each memory trying to pinpoint anything that would have driven him away. I fell asleep at some point, clutched to my pillow. If I had been awake a little longer, I would've heard a lone howl.

I was set to leave in three days, and it couldn't come soon enough. I was at my locker grabbing my things when I got bombarded with questions from my school friends.

"Where have you been? Are you moving? Were you sick? Did you visit Cullen?, Ow!".

"Mike, you can't ask questions like that!" Jessica chastised as she smacked him. I quietly chortled, ignoring the quick burst of emotional pain in my chest. I would miss her boldness.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," I protested putting my hands up. "I'm headed to college next week, I got in for early admission." Gawking with impressive facial expressions was the response of my people before me.

"Is it in Seattle or anywhere in Washington?" Angela asked. I shook my head. I wasn't about to tell them where in case the Cullen's came back. I didn't want them to know. I was nowhere near ready to see them. Instead of responding, I hugged Jessica and Angela and high fived the boys. Mike looked a little dismayed that he didn't get a hug. I knew he would make more of it than I wanted. He probably would've embellished and told everyone that hug was actually a date, a ten second date, and I wasn't about to give him the opportunity. I put the last of my papers and books in my box and double checked I had everything. Right, what's next? Deliver the books to my classes. Everyone else but Jess has left.

"Where are you headed next, Jess?" I asked.

"Math," she replied quickly.

"Could you take this for me to the teacher?" I requested.

"Sure!" Jessica chirped.

"Thanks." I said.

"Good luck Bella." She replied.

"Thank you Jess. Good luck with your plans. And I'm sorry about that Zombie movie night. I was really stupid that night." Her face softened and pulled me in for one last hug.

"It's ok, we all do stupid things." She said kindly. And walked off. That was one less thing to feel guilty about.

I tried to apologize to Jake, but he changed his phone number. I wasn't about to get chastised again from the gang for "not minding my own business or sticking my nose in things that don't concern me". They really did get more mean and ill-tempered as they joined. I hated being accused of things and chided for asking a simple question. It's fine. I'm done with this place.

I spent the last two nights with Charlie, we ate at the Diner and watched whatever movie he picked in the theatre. It was a sports underdog movie. I didn't mind it, actually. Although the "We are the Titans" song stuck in my head for a while.

I was nearly ready to leave for my flight. I was about to put my hair into a ponytail forgetting it was much shorter now that it wasn't down to my low back. I got it cut yesterday and kept forgetting until I touched it. I let my hair fall down to the shoulders and tucked the front pieces behind my ears instead. I grabbed my trusty checklist and double checked that I did everything I needed to. It's amazing how my whole life could fit in three boxes.

I left my room void of all personality and personal items. I was starting anew. I was leaving the truck here, though it was kind of Charlie to offer it to me. "Dad, I'm ready to go."

"Need to carry anything, Bells?" he offered. I nodded and pointed, he took my large suitcase while I carried my smaller items. There was a comfortable silence in the car as he drove.

I cleared my throat and asked "Are you going to be ok food-wise? Will you eat more than pizza each week at least?" Charlie looked at me for a moment and looked forward.

"I'll be fine, Bells. I survived before you came, and I'll be fine after." He replied.

"Ok Dad, but promise me you will eat something green once a week?" I asked hopefully. He just chuckled and I sighed "Oh Dad".