Ch 3
The plane was about to land. For the last three hours I had the same two tumbling tangled thoughts. "Why does Edward's absence feel like his presence? I need to change that. I will change that. That the life that I had was from him, because of him. He turned my life upside down and I was left with nothing that I could call my own. Only this new journey and flight. I chose this change." And "I am barmy. I have no idea of what I want to do or what I even like anymore. How can I tread on and keep going? I can't see unknown ways. I am literally jumping in blindfolded. Although... It's almost a little fun too." Needless to say, it gave me a small headache.
I wonder if that is Alice's greatest fear? Not seeing ahead and going on blindfolded. I remember if she didn't get a vision at least once a day she would get a little panicky about it.
The older man next to me woke up and looked a little disoriented. I half-smiled, waking up in a weird place would do that to anyone. That might be me in the morning.
"Ladies and gentlemen, as we start our descent, please make sure your seat backs and tray tables are in their full upright position. Make sure your seat belt is securely fastened and all carry-on luggage is stowed underneath the seat in front of you or in the overhead bins. Thank you."
I looked out the little window while the plane descended, watching the buildings get larger and larger. It was mesmerizing and somehow it helped clear my head a little. The world was very large and there was a lot to see. I felt very small.
I had just told the taxi my campus Residence Hall address and the driver pulled into the lane. My stomach flip flopped, I had only put about half-an hour of thought into my housing arrangements and I didn't know what to expect. I've never made so many hasty decisions before. Well, I didn't until I came to Forks anyways. As we neared UNM campus college buildings my heart raced. This was it. I looked at my confirmation papers and noted my dorm; 21B. He stopped the car and went to grab my suitcases. I scanned the residence hall room and apartment numbers, and everything looked nice. There was a little courtyard with some benches and two hoops. The sound of my luggage being wheeled pulled me out of reverie. I thanked the taxi driver before he drove away. I suddenly felt my age, not 35 like my mother told me I was born as. No, I felt 18; a little naïve and completely unsure of the rest of my life.
On the second trip up to my door, another wall of realization and emotions hit me. My plan to put away all my clothes and put things away nice and neat before my roommate showed up went out the window. I could barely stand, let alone sort items. This was the meltdown that I had been putting off for weeks.
I slammed the front door and sat down on the kitchen tile. Hugging my knees, I started to wail; the waves came in strong, close together, and it was all I could do to breathe at all. I was alone in a strange city and that was the appeal of my decision. But the other side of it was never fully thought out. There is no one here, there is nothing, everything is terrible, and I hated my life so far. Arizona and Forks had turned out to be a disaster. No one knew me here. I could die and no one would know where to look for me. I annoyed myself, and the only thing that I brought with me that I didn't like was me. I muffled a scream as I pulled down my hood over my head and covered my face. There were more incoherent, incomplete thoughts that streamed through at an alarming rate. My hyperventilating breathing had finally slowed.
The worst of my meltdown had passed and my face and chest tingled. I sat up and flexed my fingers and toes for a while, not really thinking about anything. I was just letting time pass while I recovered. I was exhausted mentally and physically.
I woke up the next morning around five due to the curtainless windows and sunbeams. Last night's meltdown had cleared a lot of brain space for me. I really did not mind being unknown in an unknown city. It was exciting actually. A list of things came to mind that I needed to do and I ran to get a notebook. Buy melatonin and some kind of herbal tea so I can sleep at night, unpack, buy shower and window curtains, books, shirt, shorts, garbage can, and a dozen other little things. I washed my face and cleansed myself, brushed my typically unstyled hair, and dumped my things on my bed. As I grabbed a jacket, I paused, nearly forgetting the climate I lived in now. I half-smiled, put down the jacket and left.
I had luckily asked the driver last night what stores were close to my dorm, so I wasn't totally lost. It took most of the morning but I got my basic items; apartment things and food for a few days. I think I need to get a bike, because I left my car behind on purpose. I checked my watch. It was two. Where was my roommate? School started in two days! Speaking of school, I needed to get things done on campus. I wanted to scout out my routes so I wouldn't get lost. I wouldn't have thought of it myself but I overheard another freshman talking about it in the courtyard. Item Number 11 on my misc., to do item on my list was to make friends.
School ID, schedule printed, school supplies, check check check. I even browsed the library and checked out a book; Dr. Thorne by Anthony Trollope . It was eight o clock and my roommate was nowhere to be seen. I knew I had one because I saw her initials on the paper: K. W. I had already stuffed all my clothes in two drawers and made my bed. I didn't feel like doing much else. It was not rainy and cold outside here, so I grabbed my book and sat on the bench beneath the main light. I felt the warm winds breeze past me, this was going to take getting used to.
I kept glancing to see if any of the other girls were going into my dorm. It seemed a lot of people had made friends already by the echoes of laughter I overheard. How did they do that? A first floor dorm room was playing a Star Wars movie. A couple looked like they were already dating. Were they dating before they got here? Good for them. I shut my book and drummed my fingers. The idea of spending another night alone made me anxious. I sighed and made my way up. I was too nervous to eat anything so I just laid in bed. I checked the window three times to make sure it was locked before I could relax. Visions of Ed- I mean him climbing in my old room window kept filling my cerebral cortex. I wished there wasn't a window in this room.
Just as I was getting a little sleepy, the front door banged open and my heart rate skyrocketed while I jumped out of bed. I crept quietly around the door frame to make sure it wasn't a burglar... or worse. I relaxed and got excited simultaneously when I heard a female voice sing out "I'm here!".