Ch 6
The archery TA put my scores in her clipboard for today, 8/10 arrows made it in the circle. For the first time all my arrows landed on the target! I grinned and happily slung my overweight backpack on my shoulder. Forget that I had to finish two papers, read ten chapters, and have three group project sessions, that didn't matter one bit. Feeling pleased with myself, I walked out, completely oblivious to the lone glare I received from another girl in the class.
Humming, I paused to get a drink from the water fountain. Grace, who I made friends with in the class, caught up to me. It turns out she had the same next class. We had made it a habit to walk together. "My twin sister went to another college. I don't blame her, but I do miss her. " Two weeks later the subject came up again.
"Were you and your sister close?" I asked her.
"The closest, It's been an adjustment without her. "
"I can imagine." I could more than imagine. I guess we are all somehow adjusting. "Well you're more than welcome to hang out with me, my roommate is awesome. If you'd like." I hoped my offer wasn't too much. This was new for me.
"Really? "
"Yeah." I smiled as we took our seats in class.
"Our floor is disgusting. We need a mop. "
"Mop?" Kris looked up as from her paper.
"We don't have one." I pointed to our cleaning stuff.
"Oh. right." Her expression was unreadable. Strange, did she not like mopping? "I think I'll walk to the store today, I need a break from homework." It was a nice walk through the neighborhood streets. I liked that Kris loved driving anywhere, but I liked just walking even if it took more time. Back in Forks I just went to school and back home. I never walked around leisurely. The street signs were starting to look blurry when far enough away but then it would be just fine. Were my eyes tricking me?
On the way back I was shifting the mop around, each position eventually got uncomfortable. The sole on my worn sneakers finally tore, leaving a gaping hole. It was an awkward hole, the kind where tightening the laces just made it worse. These were my only pair of shoes I had now. I took out the laces altogether and wrapped it around so the back wouldn't flap like crazy.
Finally arriving home I leaned the mop against the wall while I threw my shoes off, one hitting the light switch and turning it off. I stifled a laugh as Kris who had been typing on her laptop looked up. She looked from me to the light switch with a questioning look on her face. I laughed, I was three feet from the wall. I walked over and handed her my guilty holey shoe. "Oh, that makes a lot more sense," she said, then zeroed in on the shoe.
"Oh wow, what happened to this thing?" Her face was in shock, although I don't know why. "Well this pair is toast" as she turned it over, revealing a completely smooth bottom. I'm pretty sure these shoes always made me trip in Forks, wet slippery shoes with no tread. Why didn't I just get a new pair? She looked thoughtful, as she often did before delivering an important question or remark. Kris was one for formal and complete narratives. "I've noticed that your clothes are… and these... shoes especially-"
"Boring, shapeless, and now broken? I agree." Kris laughed. I couldn't hide my laughing grimace "I just... don't have any sense of fashion. Period. It's a problem. And shopping where I lived was nonexistent. Unless one wanted fishing boots." I went to my dresser while Kris followed and pulled my clothes out. "Look; they were the best clothes I had left, I threw everything else out. Those were worse." Kris pawed through and scrutinized them. I watched as she widened her eyes and then squirmed a little while in thought.
"M, I have a proposition for you." She paused as she gathered her words. I loved that she had a nickname for me. I looked at her and waited. "I'll help you with clothes if you help me with other random stuff, I just...don't feel like explaining why." Her face looked conflicted. I knew that statement and sentiment all too well. There was so much I couldn't explain to anyone. I had no problem letting her have her privacy.
"You have a deal." I said as we shook on it. "Just let me know what you need help with".
"Yes, absolutely. But, uh..let's take care of your clothes first, they're awful," she truthfully stated.
The next day after classes, wearing my UNM shirt - my only decent clothing item - we first hit the thrift store. There were a few stores on the lists, but they were normal stores such as Kohls, JCPenneys, etc. Kris wasn't pushy like Alice was, just supportive. I had no sense of what worked, what didn't, why it worked or didn't work. For this reason I let her adjust and make the fashion boundaries as she desired. Shoes were first on the list.
I wore a replacement Converse pair right from the store. Wearing shoes with traction felt weird! I didn't see why I needed more than three pairs. I still don't really. There were a few items I vetoed such as mini skirts, heels and too many shoes. Otherwise Kris was able to persuade me to buy shorts, tank tops, even one decent crop top, and a dress or two. I didn't mind a few fancier shirts but I wanted some casual printed shirts, some jackets for the colder nights and AC'd classrooms, and just interesting colors and patterns overall. We both got swimsuits so we could go to the beach at some point. We ended up shopping for a few hours, although it didn't feel that long surprisingly. I had to hold back mental images of Alice dragging me around to fancy stores, trying on 400 dollar jeans, and attempting to convince me to get sheer lacey items for Doogie. That was the name I had dubbed Ed..ward. I couldn't say his name yet, but I could, however, do a derogatory nickname. Jake was Columbo.
As we finally finished, the both of us were energy depleted and starving. We stopped by the first place we saw which, was a Mexican food truck, right next to a smoothie stand. I offered to pay since outfitting me wasn't easy. It was a big job, since I started with nothing. She declined, reasoning that I had already taught her more about chores and cleaning than I was aware of. Tacos and smoothies never went together in my head before, but it hit the spot. Kris got a quesadilla.
Kris had a date that night, so I celebrated this small victory by cutting up the old clothes into little pieces. My smile turned into gleeful laughs as this process went on. This was cathartic! Nothing new/used I had bought was over the top but neither was it underwhelmingly dull. I even had some expanded options beyond jeans and t-shirts. Some of it was even cute! But most importantly, these clothes were all mine. These clothes fit. I chose them myself.
My new clothes gave me a lot of confidence. I suddenly understood why makeover tv shows were a thing. With my short hair, which I loved, and jeans that fit, I felt...happy. Combine that with how I excelled with archery, and things were looking up. I spent a lot of extra time in the practice room. It was an excellent way to keep me constantly busy. When I was busy I wasn't thinking about certain things. I was studying the sign up sheet on the wall for the archery class competition. I never thought I'd be good enough to enter, and I didn't know if I was now. I glanced at my new green converse shoes and quickly looked up and put my name down before I chickened out. I ran out of the room and out of the building so I wouldn't change my mind.
Running felt good! I liked it. I slowed myself down as I caught my breath. I glanced at my watch, I had fifteen minutes before I had to meet my group. We had a presentation as our final. "We had our main speaker drop out of the group randomly, so we need to shift all our jobs. Mark, you can do the intro and conclusion like before. But all of us need to speak more to fill the gap. Marie I know you did most of the research, but can you talk about this point also?" Will pointed to the paragraph. I gulped, putting some hair behind my ear and nodded. I could do this. "Great, that covers that. I can do my original point with the main argument as well." I followed along, made notes, and participated.
I surprised myself by asking "Can we improve our visual aid a little? Russel was the one who wanted the PowerPoint a certain way. But since he is gone now, we can spruce it up." Will shrugged "Why not? What would you change?" I gestured to his laptop with the thumb drive in my hand, and he accommodated me by exchanging seats.
"How about this?" I demonstrated my outfit in our room. I was still in learning mode in 'suitable fashion ensembles'. I'd gotten used to walking in the kitchen and Kris simply saying "nope" or "yes" in response to my unasked question. We were headed to our neighbor's play. She was an acting major, which until now I had no idea that was a thing. Kris was bringing a date. This was her fifth date this semester. I don't know when she had time to meet so many guys.
In the middle of Thoroughly Modern Millie, the song "Forget About the Boy'' hit me hard. 'And in the moonlight don't you think about him, Sister you're much better off without him. You can blow the blues a kiss goodbye. And put the sun back in the sky'.
I tapped my heart and focused on keeping my breathing even. I didn't notice Kris surveying my body language. I really liked this play but it was a little close to home. I had made strides, sure. I was not as bold as Millie, but I wish I was. 'This or that, either or marry well, social whirl, business man, clever girl. Or pin my future on a green glass love. What kind of life am I dreaming of?'. What kind of life was I dreaming of now? My old life died. The green glass love in my heart shattered. I've kept on, stayed busy, but I still had no plan. I was happier now, that was good enough for the meantime. I knew I had tears to shed, but I wanted to wait until I was alone. I stood up to applaud with the rest of the crowd. The exit sign in the back went blurry and then normal. Emotions were waiting to spill out. I never even thought about plays before but they were great.
Kris didn't have as good of a time. Her date had been trying to hold her hand the entire time, not even watching the play. She bade him goodnight as soon she had reached outside and power walked home. I had to run to catch up. Her annoyed face she had worn for the last half-hour finally dropped. The venting started. "Did you see he stared at me the whole time? "She threw her hands in the air. "I thought he would like the play, he's the one who suggested it in the first place! I need to take a shower, I feel creeped out." She declared as she put her hair in a ponytail. It was times like these she didn't really need a response back. I let her go on. As amusing as it was to observe, I couldn't help but think about who used to stare at me for hours on end. I didn't think it was creepy at the time, I thought it was flattering. I wasn't so sure anymore.
It was round three in the archery class competition. Grace had signed up for the competition as well, and was sitting with me during the break. I looked out in the audience and caught Kris's eye. She beamed and waved. I tentatively waved back, my nerves keeping me from smiling. Breathe, Marie, in-out, in-out. I could do this. All I needed to do was to keep focusing on my form and breath. I noticed when I breathed a certain amount, it helped my accuracy. I don't think it was an official strategy but I didn't care. One thing I spent a lot of time doing was researching archery; the history, the techniques, and the variety of bows. "Round three, up next is Marie Swan, Grace Hubbert, Vanessa Robertson, and Jack Stanford," the voice called.
"Good luck Grace" I called out while we went to our spots. I knew what I needed to do to get the next round. All five arrows landed near the center, that will guarantee me to go forward. The Vanessa girl, whom I've never paid any attention to before, got one in the middle and some applause. Grace ended there and took her seat with the rest of the class. The time between rounds got shorter as more people were eliminated.
Soon in the last round there was me, Vanessa, Shelah, and a guy with brown hair. Vanessa glared at me as if I had stolen her favorite dog. I didn't understand the hostility, this was just a class competition, something fun! The only award we received were different colored ribbons. Shelah's third arrow went wayward into the wall, she was out. She shrugged, then glanced at Vanessa while doing a 'crazy' gesture. I stifled my laugh when I noticed her condescending stare; somehow her being irate made me want to laugh more. I should've been intimidated, but how did I beat Shelah? Sobering myself so I could focus, the brown-haired guy had a great shot. He looked like he had done archery before this class.
I loved this part. The target was something separate from all my problems. This was me being in the present; I wasn't worried about past hurts or my blank open future. It was my turn, I cranked my elbow back while I mentally checked my form. I zoned in my target spot while breathing right before the release. It landed just outside the bullseye. I've never hit it before or been this close, I was more than happy with the result. I ignored the groans in the crowd. What do they know anyways?
Last arrow left to go. As we gathered our arrows, the brown-haired boy saw his buddies in the crowd and flexed. His buddies had on lacrosse jerseys so I assumed he was on the team with them. Vanessa nearly snapped her arrow in half from her forceful tug. I've never felt better. I never thought of myself as competitive before but this was invigorating. I wanted to do something like this again. The guy's arrow landed on the outside circle, Vanessa's in the second inner ring and mine landed in the middle. Really? I couldn't believe it; I whooped in joy. It's been a long time since I've smiled this wide. I nearly skipped when I gathered my arrows.