Ch 15

Two years later

"Can you believe we are graduating next week?" I spoke in a cheerful tone, as we were packing up our kitchen.

"At times it seemed like it would never come and suddenly it's here. Amazing," Kris said as she dramatically threw his arms wide and flopped down face up. She had pans to her right and our mismatched plastic containers by her feet. Her head was resting on our plates. Our entire apartment was a mess. We had been slowly moving to our new place, with separate bedrooms.

I loved Kris, really. But I was more than excited to have my own room. The conversation of open window versus a fan had happened too many times. I had to give her props, she never had the window opened at night. Our compromise was that it could be open when I wasn't sleeping.

Our living room or our "office" was filled with files and papers on top of our moving mess. We could barely step anywhere and had to hop over boxes. We had started a little computer coding business in our apartment by accident. I wanted to thank our first client, a local ad agency business in town who wanted a website redone, marketing, and computer fixing help. Since we had the skills to do all three, we offered. What we didn't know was that he was well connected to everyone nearby and beyond.

He was a charismatic, extroverted salesman type and was very successful in his work. It was just lucky we did a good job and that he was pleased. A week after we finished, Kris got calls from five other potential clients. He had told everyone about a new up and coming business duo and from there it never stopped. We had been saving up for when we could get a real office and all the necessary equipment. The list was surprisingly long. Kris was sorely tempted to get a nice apartment after several college dorms and small apartments, with one very poor semester with four additional roommates. That was an interesting time.

It was ok, our business needed the money more. I promised if we were able to get enough cash flow, we wouldn't just get a nice apartment, we would get a house. With real offices for each of us, our own bedrooms, and a big tv. I'd even get my own car, one of my choosing.

I had a few more finals left to do and a project to finish up. Kris had fallen asleep on the floor and I chuckled. I put a real pillow under her head and quietly crept out. We were both more than a little tired. In six days we could just work and not have to do the weird wire balancing act between work, school, social things, practice for the state archery competition, teaching yoga classes, and all the various things. We were still college students, after all.

It was finals week, so I was lugging around a few bags of books. Rushing from my class, I blindly ran into someone going around a corner. I recognized his face but it took a minute to place it. "Oh. Hey, Tom, right? From Archery class freshman year." He looked surprised.

"Yeah, I'm surprised you're talking to me. You never did before. " I sighed while a little shame made an entrance.

"Uh, yeah. I'm sorry. That semester I was recovering from multiple heartbreaks in a row. I was in a weird headspace and in my mind all guys were the enemy. Silly I know, there's no real excuse for it." He looked contemplative, then cheered up.

"Hey yeah, don't worry about it. Sounds like a tough time, are you doing better though?"
"A million times better. How are you?" I asked. He answered, and we continued with a nice but short conversation.

"Did I...hurt you any? I didn't mean to. You can be honest"

"Well, a bit, I was able to shrug it off. But when I got dumped one difficult day, it was the topping on the cake." He was wringing his hands and looking sideways. I hurt him worse than his words meant.

"I hurt you worse than that." He hesitantly nodded.

"I'm really sorry. It really wasn't you, at all." I wanted to be honest as well. "I was just coming out of a deep depression and was still in the top layer of it. I got cast aside from a serious relationship, and then was betrayed by a best friend. I was in no shape to befriend ANY boy. Not you or Johnny Depp, had I met him at the time."

"Yeah," he stretched and adjusted his footing. "That's the definition of a weird headspace. I'm sorry I took it personally."

"You're forgiven. Are you graduating soon?" I had never meant to hurt anyone. I don't want to do anything harmful to anyone. I'm a little sad I gave that kind of impression, and I'm glad I was able to clear things up here and now. I shook my head while gathering myself to finish up my massive to-do list. Charlie and Renee were coming in a few days.

After a few more calls sophomore year Charlie had enough of the stalemate. Junior and senior year he had visited me instead during Christmas or summer. It was really nice. I remembered to wear my clear contacts since the colored ones would've thrown him off more. I'd changed considerably and I did not want to put more on him than was needful. Four months ago I decided to add highlights to my hair and let it grow a little, only this time I added layers. It wasn't "Bella hair," with long and heavy locks that gave me headaches. I was no expert, but I was able to French braid and curl my hair now. Kris was many things, but a teacher of hair styles was not one of them. Actually, it was my roommate from the shared apartment. Her mother was a hairdresser and trained Abigail, who could braid in her sleep.

It took six months of begging, but Charlie finally consented to call me Marie instead of Bella. He didn't really understand why until he saw me in person. I didn't blame him for the hesitation; it was an odd thing to do and ask for. Change wasn't easy for Charlie, and he had been a trooper dealing with me. I smiled at the memory of his visit.

"Hey, Dad." When he saw me at the airport he looked surprised.

"Wow, hey, Bella! You look good." I flinched at the name. It was still connected with old sad feelings.

"Yeah, you too. It's been a long time." I instigated the hug, surprising him. Last time he saw me I was pale and withdrawn. Today I had on a jean mid-thigh skirt and my favorite teal patterned shirt. I don't remember the last time I wore color in front of him, or fitted clothes. His face was still taking my new appearance in. I knew he hadn't been carrying an appealing mental picture of me with him by his reaction.

"Welcome to New Mexico, Dad. Kris, my roommate is over there." She waved. She fixed herself in an unnatural posture with a semi glazed look. I sighed, this must be the look she wore to 'impress' others back home. I hurried-walked over and bumped her shoulder, reminding her to chill. It worked half-way.

"Hey Mr. Swan, I'm Kris."

"I've heard a lot about you, you've been a good friend to my daughter." That helped put her at ease a little more, a glint. Charlie was good at that, if you weren't a certain boy.

"Lets get your luggage, Dad." This was weird. A little while later I was showing him around campus.

I showed him my bow. "I'm just renting this, but I run the archery club every other week."

"You know how to shoot that thing?"

"Yeah, I took a class for this freshman year. Want to see?"

"Impressive, Bells." Ugh. I couldn't do that name anymore. I put the bow down and breathed deep.

"Dad, you don't have to call me Marie, but please don't call me Bella." I made a point to not shift my feet and had both feet pointing the same way. Kris had explained to me that it made me look more confident. "After all, Marie is still my natural given name." I silently pleaded after the words came out. He looked at me, I have no idea what he was thinking.

"You really have grown up." He paused. I'd nearly forgotten how to be around Dad,as introverted as I was. "Can I at least call you that in my head?" I took a deep sigh of relief. Finally.

"Yes, of course."

"Can you show me how to shoot an arrow?

"Yeah, of course! So, you put your hand here..."

"You said you wanted your own bow, B...?

"Yeah, these rented ones are decent, but here are a few top of the line, slightly older models that I was able to try out last year that were amazing."

As I gave him a general tour, he said something about how small the dorms were. Oh, we knew. Kris overcame her combined stage/dad fright and soon had him chuckling. Later Kris got to cook for an audience for the first time. She was more than a little excited.

On his last day of the visit, he took out an envelope and handed it to me. I grabbed it and opened it. It was cash.

"Dad..."

"You deserve it, kiddo." He'd taken to calling me Kiddo, and I didn't mind a bit.

"It can go towards the bow or... whatever." He quietly spoke as he scratched his neck, which had reddened.

"Thanks, Dad." I was grateful, for many reasons. My conscience had been slightly cleared of the guilt. Charlie wasn't entirely alone and he had gotten to know me again.

I had just gotten off the apartment phone. "How's your dad?"

"He's excited to come. Renee has confirmed, which means there's a 50/50 chance her husband will come also."

"Well, alright," Kris noted while cooking at the stove. "Rats, I burned another pancake." I craned my head to look at the stove.

"The heat is on too high."

"I get impatient if it's lower heat...fine, I'll lower it..." Kris sighed.

"You know you've got the basics of cooking down. Except for this..." I took a sip of water as I sat down.

"It's not as easy as it looks; besides I like waffles more but our garage sale waffle maker broke."

"That was a sad day." I used my arm as a pillow as I laid my head down on the table and yawned. "I don't mind cooking the pancakes if you keep helping me with the outfits."

Kris chuckled. "It is a good trade off. What's the conversion rate? Ten outfits for one pancake?"

"More like seven outfits for a pancake. One for each day."

"Five pancakes a month seems fair. Want to start now? I don't think any of these are salvageable."

I stuck out my tongue at her while my roommate just grinned and dumped them in the trash. "Maybe later. I don't feel like cooking. How do smoothies sound?" I said as I rested my eyelids.

"To get smoothies you'll have to wake up," she said unhelpfully while putting the dishes in the sink.

"Hmm...but this table is comfy." I sighed deeply. "Maybe fruit sugar will perk me up." I sat up and stretched. Kris ventured over to the room, hopping over boxes and bags.

"Here's your purse." As my purse was handed to me, the red-head was fishing for her keys.

On our way back in the car I spoke a thought I've had a few times. "I was thinking. As soon as I can, I will hire a personal shopper like you suggested years ago. That way you won't have to always help me."

Her eyes raised in surprise with a caring glint. "I genuinely don't mind, I know it makes you feel more confident."

I turned more fully in her direction. I was constantly surprised about her quiet observations.

"I was joking, you know, at the time," she noted.

I returned to my original position while I took a sip. After I swallowed, I spoke again.

"Of course, but it just makes sense. We have meetings with clients and hopefully soon we'll have an office. One day we'll have employees and an even bigger office."

"That would be incredible," Kris said. After a moment of fruit rehydration, K wagged her eyebrows, warning me something snarky was going to be said in her witty tone. "Too bad we can't get you contacts for fashion blindness..."

"That would be exceedingly helpful. I would buy them in a minute. Would different colors indicate different styles?" I smiled, my one dimple showing up.

"Blue could be for winter colors."

"Then green could be spring."

"Purple could be preppy styles…" We went on about this until we arrived at our destination. It got sillier as we went on.

I had just turned in my final Electric Art II class project and was meandering outside. I was nearly done and it felt surreal. I only had one big thing left to do. I sat on the bench where I helped that girl with a breakup before and just enjoyed the vitamin D. I closed my eyes and when I opened up, Josh appeared. He had a knack for surprising me.

"Hey, friend. Long time no see..."

Try as we might, we just couldn't make our courting into a relationship. We tried and it didn't fit. We had a long discussion about it, and we never did more than 'really like' the other person. We each had feelings for one another, we even kissed eventually. Somehow when we pushed into that zone, it all fell apart. We 'broke up' amicably with as much respect and positivity as possible. I was really sad about it for a few weeks but as my sadness cleared up, I was able to see the big picture more clearly. We were a decent fit, just not THE fit.

"You're serious with this girl?" I asked. Josh nodded happily.

"Yeah, and she might be the one."

"That is so great. I'm really happy for you," I said truthfully. He was a really nice guy and deserved happiness.

"Thanks Mar, If we do get married will you come to the wedding?"

My eyes widened. "Are you sure? You would want me there? Would she?"

"Are you kidding! She's the one who's been asking to meet you."

"That's... shocking." I was flabbergasted.

"Why?" Josh questioned.

"Aren't most people jealous of past relationships?" I asked.

He grinned and shook his head. "Not Lily. When I told her how wonderful you were and how you helped me heal from past heartbreak, she was ecstatic. She wants to thank you."

"Oh, then I'd be glad to meet her." I breathed in the information. "You've found an unusual woman. Is she pretty?"

"I have a picture, want to see?"

I nearly laughed when I looked at his phone. "You, my friend, have a type."

We had a great conversation. I hadn't seen him in a year and I'm glad to know we were still friends. He was a great person. If he did get married I would be there. If I got married one day, I'd invite him too.

I remembered some of his sweet parting words when we broke up.

"How was it that you came to me? How blessed I am but it's hard to believe.

"Since I met you I started to love myself again, and you've put a smile on my face once more. You've changed my life for good, made me a better person. You're the reason for most of my recent happiness. What I've achieved and overcome is just because of you. Whenever you need my help, don't be afraid to call. I will always be there for you, even if it's just giving encouragement. And not just here at college, but in the future. We are parting ways tonight. I won't have you by my side anymore. If you choose to leave and go away, and we don't ever unite again, which I don't want. You will live in my memories forever. I really do want to stay friends, Marie, as cliched as that sounds, it holds true." His face always held such genuine emotions, he was genuine.

"I do too," I responded. "I don't regret our friendship. What we choose is up to us, and now I can breathe again. Life's breath can find refuge in my heart. Whatever unique relationship we had was not a loss but a gain. Now I can give someone a real chance in the future. My heart was shattered and held together with tape, with steel and granite walls around it, followed by road block signs. Now, I'm open, free from my self-imposed cage and I can take steps on the road I lost track of. I have potential again. That is the best gift you could've given me. If you need my help, in baking cookies or anything, I'll be glad to be of service." I remember the hug afterwards that lasted forever. It was difficult to say goodbye, hard to let go, comforting, and I felt how wonderful and true friendship was.

I heard him say when I was walking away "Her words could make spring blossom. Her charm could make seasons spring...like a swirl of wind she was gone." He was always talented in poetry.

"Good luck, and I hope life takes you to great places."

"Thanks, Josh." I hugged him. "Good luck with finals...and everything really, for years to come." My words were ablaze with emotion, and I meant them all. I was about to turn away.

"Marie, do you realize which bench this is?" I looked at it.

"Oh. Yeah." Recognition entered my mind. We sat here a lot when we talked, it was placed in the middle of all our classes that semester.

"You're an amazing and good person Mar, you deserve someone great someday." My eyes teared up a little.

"Thanks, JJ." I said in a nostalgic quietness. Goodbye's are never easy.