Ch 16

That night K and I wanted a movie. The realization of drastic change had hit me like a ton of bricks, and Kris had been struggling with all of it, too. She had taught her last yoga class two weeks ago and missed the routine. That class meant everything to her. She was an amazing teacher; she was funny, charismatic, outgoing but peaceful, and knew how to help any level of experience. It was always filled to the brim and had quite the reputation. Without fail, a yoga student would flag her down and recognize her on a weekly basis. It really helped her grow and eased her anger, but I knew change and endings were coming. I wasn't blind to it, but it felt...real now. Saying goodbye to a good friend, for who knows how long, was hard. In two days Charlie was coming and then it would be graduation. We weren't moving far, nevertheless, life was changing. Tonight was about soaking it in, so we could go full steam ahead tomorrow.

Kris and I were standing at the airport luggage area. Charlie had Kris's number, so he could reach us just in case. "Are flights always delayed?" I asked.

"Only half the time." Kris answered. She had flown a lot more than I have, and it was clear how relaxed she was with the hubbub of people around.

"Renee emailed, she and Phil are driving down tomorrow."

"It's weird, we have no parents around at all for years, mostly, and now all three of yours will be here," she said with a hint of sarcasm and bitterness. I knew her well and most of her moods were ninety percent for other reasons, reasons that didn't involve me. I didn't take them personally and apologized if something was my fault. I had gotten the hang of when to address it that day or and when to wait. Today was a waiting day.

"Eh, it's a little different with my mother."

"Right right...sorry, I forgot." I waved it off. I pulled my green polka-dot ¾ sleeve shirt down. Airports made me nervous.

"But yeah, it is. She hasn't seen me in, what, six years?"

"Crazy how time flies by," her tone semi-flat. "Did I tell you? Mine sent me a letter, it was hidden in my sister's letter."

"No. Was that recent?"

"Just this morning." Okay, she was in a short sentence mode today.

"What did it say?" She didn't say anything for a few minutes. Then she just handed me the letter and rubbed her temples. Her mood from this morning now made sense. She had stuffed boxes with a little more vigor than was necessary. I opened the letter.

My darling daughter.

I am sorry I can't be there for your graduation. I am sorry for so much. I want to be there. If I could clone myself I would. Your father has been particularly interested in my whereabouts this week. I think he knows what is coming up. To even send this letter, I had to mail it to your sister's supported residence-home instead of to you. I won't even be able to make it to a payphone to hear your voice because your father has caught on to that. I don't think he wants to believe that you have succeeded all on your own. He only wanted to go into his field, to claim your achievements as his. You deserve more than that. You deserve better parents than you have.

My only solace is that you escaped and made your way in the world. I'll do anything in my power to help you, which I know is very little. I believe in you and want every happiness for you. I can easily imagine you walking across the stage in a black gown, and the image makes me smile every time. I'm proud of you. Could you take some pictures? It would mean the world to me to have one of the important milestones. Perhaps you could also send the commencement program as well? Don't worry, I have a safe place, where I put the things I cherish most...

I stopped reading. It was a congratulations letter, but it just made you sad. It went on for another page but it made my heart heavy already. I carefully folded the letter and placed it in the envelope. I went to hand it back and my best friend just shook her head. I hummed while I put it safely in my bag. I changed tactics.

"Hey, we still need to get graduation outfits right?" At this K's smile appeared. She found her voice.

"Yeah! I think skirts are the best option."

Charlie was helping me pack the weird little stuff. I was taping boxes closed when he spoke. "What are these awards?"

"These five medals are my running races. I did two 5k's, two 10k's, and one half," I pointed to the medals in question.

"I didn't know you ran all these."

"It's just fun, and I never placed or anything." Sharing little things like this is something that I'm working on, celebrating a little. It wasn't natural yet.

"What about this one?" That medal had a yellow ribbon attached with a little bow inscripted on the medal.

"I participated in a state-wide competition for archery." He looked impressed and confused at my casualness.

"How did you do?"

"Alright. There were people who have been doing archery for twenty plus years. I did more observing than shooting."

"Color me impressed, Kiddo." Accept the compliment.

"Thanks. I had a ton of fun doing it." Hm, ok, nice try, Marie. That was a little vague.

"You're allowed to brag a little," he pointed out. I chuckled.

"I know, I'm working on it." His comment helped me open up and get past weird rules dictated by my subconscious. I told him about each race, what time I got, who I met there. In my head these details were crystal clear and were reviewed often. It was nice voicing them out loud and letting myself share aspects of my life with my father. We didn't get any packing done, but a lot was achieved.

I took my last test. I had just left the testing center and I was done. My school to-do list was empty. I didn't have to go to the library for anything or read more chapters. Oh I had a plan to get multiple certifications, but not yet. I needed a break. Kris and I were planning a three week vacation, and we were really excited.

Charlie, Renee and Phil took us out to lunch. Kris was doing well not letting the dad fright take hold. She was learning that not all dads were like her father. Logically it makes sense, but when it came to emotional baggage, they added to weird fears or apprehensions. She even made it a point to sit between Phil and Charlie, not that the former was a father, but he was representative of one. I was proud of her. I knew of the inner roller coaster going on, but it seemed like it was evaporating in the air of the public. I wonder how many emotional rollercoasters were going on in this room, inside each person. It was an unspoken thing except for those in the know, if anyone knew.

"What?" Kris nudged my leg to get my attention.

"I said, I don't remember if you curled your hair before," Renee commented. I had forgotten how much attention she paid to hair. "Interesting choice of highlight colors."

"Yeah, It's new. I learned from an old roommate. And thanks, I think."

"Do you still tell your dad jokes?" Phil asked me with his usual jovial tone. He found it was one way he could bond with his shy step-daughter when he met Renee. He was happy to listen.

"Well, sometimes. It's mostly random or when I'm nervous." I paused. It was very odd to be surrounded by these sets of parents, at the same time. It hadn't happened since Renee's wedding. I had sat in the back with Charlie while he faked a neutral expression. He looked like he was doing okay today. Phil was an evenly cheerful man, who's mood was rarely disrupted. It offset Renee's world of dreams. She was tethered to the ground while still floating. Her yearly Halloween costume of Tinkerbell fit her well. "You're the only one who has patience for those."

"I was happy to. What are your plans after this?" Phil asked, impervious to the emotional waves overflowing everyone at the table. I wonder if his potential vampire power would be not noticing any of them. It would be handy in fights.

"Well, Kris and I have started a small business with building websites and fixing/building computers. We are going to stay in Albuquerque, just more central. I had been quiet about our business, not wanting others opinions to poo-poo on the dream careers of two 22 year old's.

Kris interjected. "We already have a steady client base and she is a wiz at marketing. Especially on a low budget." I checked the three faces, there was a surprised expression, cheerful, and a mixture of sadness and pride in the last.

"That is very specific and impressive," Charlie put in. "I guess this means you won't be coming back to Washington."

I shook my head. "No, we like it here."

The conversation veered off as our food arrived. We had gotten a strawberry cheesecake to share. While we were waiting, Charlie cleared his throat. He shared a significant look with Phil and Renee. I shared eye contact with Kris. Did she know what was going on? She shrugged.

"Your Mom and I wanted to get you a graduation present you like and decided to join efforts. Here." True to himself, there was little to no introduction. I opened the letter and in it was money. I didn't count it, but it was way more than 20 bucks. I pulled out the sheet of paper and on it was a receipt for the archery bow I had on my vision board for three years. Wait, what? That was...thousands...of dollars.

"Dad..." My throat filled with emotion, blocking my words. "Are...are you sure?"

"I had no idea you loved archery so much, but when Charlie filled me in on his visits...We wanted to get something you truly wanted," Renee added.

"Oh...that's..." My eyes were going to leak. "Thank you. How did you know which model to get?" I was sure I never said the specifics.

"Well, you had a poster on your wall of the model, with the words "Dream bow" on it and other things... I don't always get subtle hints, but that was a big one." I have never heard Charlie speak this much, ever. Or knew he paid attention. When..?

"Thanks Dad, Mom, Phil." A tear spilled out. I wiped it while staring at the picture. I felt Kris's curious eyes on my right side. Her arms were folded on top of the table. She had been a little more quiet than usual. I was in the middle of closing the envelope when Charlie spoke yet again. I never knew he had these speeches in him.

"Kristina, I have something for you too." Her eyes flew open in surprise as her posture perked up.

"You do?" Surprise and disbelief evident in her tone. This time she practically gave herself whiplash looking at me for answers. I shook my head, I had no idea about this.

"Yes. You've always been there for my daughter and have become a permanent fixture. I know you don't have anyone coming...I appreciate you." Those last three words stunned Kris, as though he had tased her. It was the first time a father figure had told her this. My mind was filled with wonder, about Charlie, how had he cared so much when he received so little back? How much did he never say? He then pulled another envelope out and handed it to her. She stared at it, confirming this wasn't a prank before hesitantly lifting it from his fingers.

After looking at its contents, she shut it and held on tight to it, as though it would vanish otherwise. "Thank you Mr. Swan. I have no idea what to say." Charlie shrugged modestly.

"Yes, thank you, Dad." Suddenly Kris got up and rushed out with her gift. The older adults looked startled. "I'll take care of it," and let myself out.

"Kris?" She was sitting on the bathroom countertop. I leaned against the wall.

"Did you know your dad was going to do this?" I shook my head. "What made him think about doing it?"

"He's been surprising me also. I never knew him that well." I was a selfish kid and teen. Hopefully I can do better as an adult. "I forget how thoughtful he can be." He got me the truck once that I had abandoned.

"I'm not used to kind fathers. I only thought they existed in movies." Her face was losing it's stony expression.

"There are genuine people, K." I was trying to hold her eyes. Eye contact was key with her.

"Not in a world where only status matters." She muttered. The new ideas were sinking in. "I don't know how to react to gifts without incentives attached." She was scratching her head.

"A thank you is usually enough."

"That easy?"

"Yeah." I finally got her eyes to focus. "Are you ready to go back in?" She nodded. Her body relaxed.

"What did he proffer?"

"Money to go towards 'my big fancy calculator.' "

"Oh. I didn't know he knew about that."

"I think it came out on one of the car rides to or from the airport," my roommate said as she washed her hands.

"Huh." Charlie was a wonder.

We were getting in line for graduation. Kris bought me a purple flowing skirt to wear under the gown, I was surprised how well I liked it on. She was examining the fabric on the gown, for the tenth time.

"Kris. You don't have to wear it for more than an hour."

"Sorry, sorry. I'll deal."

"Good, we should be in the moment. We've worked hard." At this she smiled.

"Yeah, yeah. Ok, I'm present." She looked around. "Did you notice there are only a handful of girls here?"

"Always. Oh, why are Mr. Peters and Mr. Callum coming our way?"

"They are?" Kris looked over.

"Good afternoon, girls." Mr Callum spoke. We've had both professors in equal measure. Peters' opinion of us never improved; it fell downward on the large hill instead.
"Hello." We answered in unison.

"Mr. Peters has something to say." His eyes shot at the other. "Peddles," as we lovingly referred to him privately, sighed deeply, looking as though he was told to wear a prom dress in public. He fixed his stained brown tie.

"I...was harsh towards you two. I assumed you took this field as a joke." I scrunched my eyebrows. Is his apology also an insult? "You did well despite my unfair grading standard." He looked at Callum at the word unfair. My eyes shifted between the two. When did this conversation about us happen? "And...you surpassed my expectations." Kris looked confused at his contradictory tone and words. He looked like he had jabbed his eye at the given compliment.

Kris spoke first. "Thanks," the tone as dry as a desert. "We never took this field as a joke, sir. When did we give that impression?" Callum's eyes were unusually stern in the direction of the grumpy teacher.

Peters didn't look at us when he responded. "Jokes were made, pens were forgotten, and once you were a minute late on an assignment." What? Ack! The guys were so much rowdier.. I resisted rubbing my temples. How was forgetting a pen the deciding factor? Unless..I eyed his body language. I decided to be bold and speak before Kris blew a fuse or became subservient…

"Your opinion of us was formed before we ever appeared in person. It was you who taught us to not accept excuses," my tone growing in sharpness. I was done being steamrolled. I thought he'd be ticked or blow up, and Kris's eyes widened in shock.

Suddenly his gruff nature relaxed a twinge, for the first time in years. We started a verbal sparring match.

"Yes. I see you listened in class. For once."

"I wrote meticulous notes."

He grunted out. "Passable."

"I saw you copy and put them in a binder."

"To throw away."

"Only if your briefcase was a trash can."

"That is where the student's paperwork goes." Why was he so stubborn?

"You liked our work," I boldly stated.

"You could've done better."

"You couldn't have." Kris gasped. Callum looked dizzy.

"You're proud of us."

"Foolish notion." Impossible man.

My frustration over the last two years that stemmed from this headstrong teacher came out. "JUST admit it." Adopting a brazen tone on top of the firm one.

"Fine. You had competent work." That was the best I could get from him.

"Good." I turned to Callum and shook his limp hand. "Thank you, Mr. Callum."

I turned away as Peters stomped off, with a slight smile on his face.

"You scare me sometimes." Kris muttered quietly. I grinned widely.

We were moments away from walking to the platform. Kris had her hand near her mouth. Her nervous habit appeared at stressful times. "Kris, your nails. " She looked surprised to find her hand in its position.

"Thanks." She lowered her hand quickly. She didn't wear fake nails anymore, they were a hazard to computer typing. Now only the natural nails were painted over.

"You got this. My mom's taking a thousand photos by the way, during and after," I reminded. She nodded.

"I'm nervous."

"Don't you mean excited?" My friend huffed a quiet laugh.

"College has made you better, yourself." Warmth filled my soul. I could feel it in my toes.

"Being myself is enough."

"It always was." We hugged quickly before continuing in.

The rest of the day was a blur. My eyes were flashing lights as I closed them that night. After every combination of family pictures, we each got solo photos. It surprised Kris to get her own. I think Charlie had come to think of her as an additional daughter. Then friends found us. Shelah had graduated after some weird academic complications. We had separated into our individual friend groups for a while.

On our vacation, we were laying on the beach and I was in my first bikini ever. The fact that Edward would go to pieces at this skin exposure was in the furthest part of my mind. Instead, it was on better things. I felt peace in my soul that I was never going to sparkle, not in that way. It would come from within.