Ch 20
"Hello Bella."
I suppressed a shudder. I didn't like that name before and coming from him made it a hundred times worse.
"I don't use that name anymore nor Isabella."
"Why not, they are so beautiful." he replied in a soft but unhinged tone. He looked at me as if I was the cure for the world's problems. His head was tilted and his gaze focused. I was about to look at him when I heard "don't look in anyone's eyes," in the herb lady's voice. I owed her big time. I chose his shoulder instead. He looked half-crazed and disheveled with tears in his dirty clothes.
"I don't think it is." He pretended not to hear me. That was typical Doogie behavior. He held something gold in his hand. Oh, that necklace.
In the same tone from before that reminded me of an obsessed stalker from a movie, he asked. "Why did you sell this? It was a gift…for you, my love."
It took all my effort not to cringe or lose my inner balance. "I didn't like it. Where did you even find it?"
"I'd search the end of the earth for it. It belongs to you, darling."
"I'm not your love or darling. And no it doesn't. I don't like fancy things.
"Why would you sell it? I left you a credit card."
"What?" This was news to me.
"I hid it in your room, under a floorboard, along with pictures." He answered like it was the most obvious thing. I raised my eyebrows with bafflement. Why would anyone look there? I would never use that money. He took a step forward and tried to take my hand. I took a step back, putting my hands close to me. "We are meant to be together," he said softly.
"No." I tried to say more, but his facial expression stopped me. It matched the one when we first met in biology. Ah, that was the Edward I knew more.
At this he turned his head in the other direction and his expression became fierce and he sniffed.
"Bella, why do you smell so bad, and what did you do to your hair?" He eyed it disdainfully. I suppressed a deep sigh. I chose not to answer. "When I take you home, I'm taking you to a hair place." He was steamrolling me. We had several arguments that ended just like this.
"No. I like the way it is. You have no say anymore."
"It's too short." This wasn't about my hair, but a much deeper issue. I had changed and he didn't like it. I shook my head and crossed my arms.
"My hair is fine and you aren't taking me anywhere. I have a home."
"If you had just not broken up with me, none of this would have happened!" His anger increased.
"You broke up with me," I corrected him.
"You're remembering it wrong. So typical of you. Silly Bella."
That..arrogant jerk with multiple personalities. His being nice didn't play well and he's changing tactics. I was being gaslighted. I learned from that movie. I chose not to play into it or react the same. I breathed out my frustration and it's accompanying words. They wouldn't help right now.
I told him a fact. This personality despised facts. "You told me you didn't love me."
"I can't believe you bought that. I was lying." He had thrown a punch through the picnic bench. Was he lying or was it the truth? Did it even matter to me? Would it change my mind? I did get tossed off my original path. I would've been a vampire for him. Did I still want that? To be strong and extra beautiful. I felt confused. It was like my human path had a side hike. An image of capoeira came into my mind from freshman year. You didn't need to be extra strong for that or archery. I had beaten a man who was 6'4 and buff. It was about precision. When I didn't say anything his eyes had glimmers of insane flashes of hope. It startled me as I took another step back to steady myself.
My heart rate hurried. Jasper almost intervened until Alice stopped him. Her visions were coming in fast and half baked, the future kept changing every minute. They had a plan and needed to stick to it. That was the only sure thing she knew.
No. Edward was half insane and obsessed. I'd never live again. I thought of Kris's father and the control, the manipulation. In this case, Edward could be possessive as well, the side of him he used most. I'd be eternally stuck with it, with him. My resolve still wavered a little. He took a step forward and I took a step back. Oh, he was testing me. I was the beta and he was the alpha. Years before I had lost my humor and my free competitive spirit as the beta, but now — I was the boss now, not the mouse. I wasn't happy as a mouse or with Edward.
"It doesn't change anything whether you lied or not. You ran away because I scared you. I was choosing the way of life that you hated. It's why you blocked my desire every chance you could. You despise yourself; don't you." There was no question about it as the insanity in his eyes transformed into possessive fury. He growled. I had hit the issue on its head, and I knew it was dangerous. Cruel Edward had come out.
He ran at vampire speed and grabbed my forearm. He said slowly in a dominating tone that rattled me. "We are going home. NOW." The last word echoed out for miles. Any beauty I saw in his perfect features had left. I saw the truth of what Edward was and his ghastly soulless insides. He held on tighter as I didn't budge, with the uncomfortable pressure giving way to pain. I breathed in deep to try to steady myself.
"You are my MATE Bella." I was shaking at the deafening echo of his dominating tone. I needed to be brave..somehow.
My response was not much above a whisper. "No, I am not. I am not your love or your darling. I want to be an unknown stranger to you. I want you to forget me." To me at this moment he was one of those ugly creatures from "The Lord of The Rings" I had watched with Josh. I'm so glad I dated him. Because of him, I knew I needed someone kind and lovely. Thank you, Josh. In my mind I pictured his gentle hand hold and warm smile, while on the contrary I saw Edwards black eyes turn even darker. I didn't know it was possible.
"I will have you." He whispered hauntingly. The pressure was going to break my arm.
"Please let go, you're hurting me." I whimpered. To my surprise he did. There was a dark handprint bruise. My arm ache came from the bone, and I discovered I couldn't move my hand. I focused from the pain to my dangerous teenage vampire in front of me.
Edward then sped back to original position and acted like he'd never left the spot. His personality changed again. He had a few of them. It had taken me years but I figured out he had three personalities. I even went to several seminars and spoke to psychological experts about the disorder to be sure. He went from his controlling "I will get what I want, no matter the consequences" personality to his gentlemanly "I've never done anything wrong" personality.
His smile became dazzling, had I been looking at it shallowly. I still only saw the orcs' rotted smile that looked evil and dark. His face and tone changed into the Mr. Darcy charm and speech, the one that I fell for when I was 17.
"Since I lost you, I lost everything. I have nowhere to go. Let's resolve our differences. Time has given us beautiful pain. Neither do you seem like yourself, nor am I like myself at all. The time has changed us. Our hearts tremble now as they meet, like they were never apart for even a beat. But you became lost and so did I. In those impatient times, I have given a lot of pain. Still, I am asking you to fill my wounds. I know I'm not worthy of your forgiveness, but still I stand before you, with the hope that you'll forgive me." He even bowed. This side of Edward required longer responses or he wasn't pleased. Instead, I only said what I felt. I didn't want to please him.
"No, I have self-respect. I cannot accept those who have pushed me out and gaslighted with flimsy excuses. I'll forgive you so I can let go and move on. But I don't want to see you again. Let me be, Edward."
"Don't you love me bella?"
"Not anymore. You lied to me, you tried to control me — I can see that now. You disappointed me more than anyone else in the world." I was repeating the thoughts I had for weeks. "You aren't good for me, Edward. I lost myself in you and not in a good way. No wonder you got bored dating me; I became a shadow of your creation. I'm going to go and I pray that you leave me alone, forever. Our paths will forever diverge, God willing."
"Bella…please," he looked at me pleadingly, the dazzle factor turned up to the top level. I looked away quickly and stepped away. I held my hurt arm gently and turned away from him.
"The waves of your love and lies drowned me, Edward. It was my mistake when I fell in love with you. What has that loyalty given me? What was I punished for? So many atrocities you caused on my naïve and innocent heart by your cowardice. Do you know that 'Kanaa' means destroyed in Hindu? That was me for a time, a destroyed heart and a destroyed trust. It affected my night and day; I had nightmares for months." I breathed in deeply. "I recovered and restarted my life with the help of friends. I don't need you or want to see you ever again. I want to live the rest of my long human life without you in it." I turned to look at him and zeroed in at his clenched hands. I could do this. My arm was going numb. "And It's Marie now. Your Bella is gone."
He stood, speechless. I had seen statue Edward, controlling Edward, Darcy Edward, and cruel gaslighting Edward. This was new. No personality of Edward had been without words.
What he did next surprised me. He threw a tantrum. He threw over park benches, bent slides, and karate chopped the picnic table into toothpicks. When he was done he zeroed at me. His stance was grotesque and monstrous, his eyes terrifyingly angry. I was going to die. I hoped Kris would be okay without me. I tried to run but the uneven ground shook my hurt wrist.
"You're not getting away from me ever again." He quickly caught up to me, he was about to carry me off to God knows where. Dread filled my insides.
"Help! Jasper, Alice!" I yelled desperately, tears coming out. I was surprised they hadn't come sooner. But then again we had planned it this way, and they were following through. We had to catch Edward off guard. It was harder to live the plan than talk about it.
"What?!" His momentum slowed. In his shock, he had only knocked me to the ground. I groaned at the snaps in my arm. Finally, Jasper and Alice appeared. Jasper skillfully held Edward off while Alice picked me up and carried me a short distance away. I was hyperventilating from the pain with tears coming out. I knew it worked, I had been able to hide those two just by wanting to.
"She's not going with you. Look, you aren't good for her. She was filled with absolute joy without you and now look at her." He gestured to my general state. "You will stop making her miserable. I won't stand for it anymore." Jasper was making Edward cringe, and a fight was imminent. He was using his gift as a weapon today. He was also making up for what had happened on my birthday. I was grateful.
Alice took me to the hospital, where it took some time to calm down again. "You were and you are amazing, Marie, I'm so proud of you," Alice comforted me when they were getting the cast materials. Later on I'd complain about not being able to participate in archery for a few months. But I was happy to be alive; even casted.
"Thank you. I'm happy I could stand up to him. That was my goal, even though there were unfortunate surprises." Alice's phone went off.
"Jasper?" I didn't hear his response, but saw her tense shoulders relax. She looked a little sad too. She hung up without saying a word.
"Alice?"
"He won't be bothering you anymore," she responded with a mix of emotions.
"You're sure?" Her words filled me with such relief, my stress balloon emptied. She nodded. I was free, completely free. Just then the doctor came in.
Alice drove me home. I now had a cast up to my bicep thanks to the greenstick fracture and comminuted break. I loved it in a weird way, because it meant I was human and would stay this way. I was alive, and I stood up to Edward!
She was quiet, not usual for her.
"Are you okay Alice?"
"Marie, he isn't just gone from your life...he's gone gone." My eyes widened.
"What?"
"There was no other way. Jazz tried to reason with him but he went full on crazy. He even thought about going to the government leaders for vampires." I didn't know about that. She didn't expand, and I didn't ask. "It was that or..."
"I'd die," I finished for her.
"Yes."
"Oh." It took a few minutes for that to settle in. "I didn't want that, you know."
"I know, but it had to happen."
"I can't say I'm sad about it." I spoke quietly, more to myself than Alice. "But you are."
"He was a nincompoop, but he was my brother," she answered quietly.
"I'm sorry, Alice. I'm sorry it came to that." She gave me a sad smile with a shrug.
"He was cruel to you. Every word you said, it was true. I can't believe I never noticed."
"It's hard to see what's right in front of you. Until it's pointed out or you get space from it." Alice was quiet. "Thank Jasper for me?" She nodded.
Soon I was home. Alice parked the car in the driveway. "You've made a good life for yourself. I'm proud of you. For today, for your growth. You are a different person, a better person." Alice admitted contemplatively. "I won't budge into your life. I'd be glad to still be your friend if you want. It's up to you. I will only contact you if you contact me." I nodded to signal I understood. She handed me her number. "You'll keep our secret?" she looked at me hopefully.
"The vampire's existence or what happened today?"
"Both."
"I was always going to."
"Have a wonderful life, Marie." I smiled and gave her a one armed hug. I got out and walked to the door, wondering what I was going to tell Kris. I waved goodbye to Alice and Jasper, who had just joined her. "Thank you, for helping me." I said quietly, knowing they heard me. They both nodded and left.
I turned and opened the front door. When I entered, I saw Kristi was there on the basement couch. "Oh, you're home!" Then she took in my hurt arm. My arm was now contained by a green cast. It was my lucky color. Stunned, she asked "What..what happened?" My brave stance I held earlier crumbled now that I was in a safe place with my best friend. I let go of the breath I had been holding. Everything had hit me. Facing all the personalities, the attempted manipulation, the pain, his death. I started sobbing, with tears and mixed emotions. But the one that stood out was triumph. I saw Edward again, said his name and stood up for myself; even with the throbbing pain in my arm.
She started asking again what was wrong but then stopped. And just hugged me when I sat on the couch. I was so tired and emotionally drained. She scratched my back while I cried on her shoulder. After a while I was able to stop. Kris got me a glass of water while I regained normal breathing. After I drank it, I looked at her and told her what just happened. Minus the vampire parts. I mentioned standing up for myself, the personalities, that he broke my arm, and that he had killed himself after I left. I couldn't explain how he actually died. I really didn't know. I never requested those details.
I was still lamenting my Edward free life and human freedom. It would take a little time to process everything. I was proud of myself. One never knows if they will react as bravely as they imagine. I stood up to the vampire creature who I couldn't even say the name of for nearly three years. I would be writing about this in my journals. I had already written about my entire Forks life, the good, bad, and the ugly. It didn't go smoothly but I had faced my demon with some consequences nonetheless. The place that had been keeping my heart locked up inside the innermost dungeon that had ever been created; was gone forever. My heart was emancipated.
I was free. I was unshackled, unbound, and limitless.
Her eyes went wide as I spoke. I had to admit, it did sound like a dramatic story. She laughed and cried with me, but these were tears of joy. I had read last week there were different kinds of tears, and the frozen tear crystals looked different.
"I'm so proud of you, M." She hugged me tightly, as best she could. "You're amazing, phenomenal, and extraordinary!" I smiled into her shoulder. She soothed down my now wild hair. I stayed there for a moment. I was soaking in the love that filled the room. It made its way to the center of my heart and soul. My sister was one of a kind and I would've missed her terribly. I was lucky to have her.
Kris broke the silence. "Come on, we're getting strawberry shortcake milkshakes with pounds of caramel from Abundance. This deserves a major celebration."
"Today? Right now?" It had been a long and difficult day.
"It's the perfect time for it, you've mentioned that flavor at least ten times now. You deserve this, you deserve happiness. You've been through hell today and need a treat, an extra delicious one." She proclaimed while putting her hands on my shoulders and looking me directly in my eyes. My eyes misted. What else were best friends for?
"Okay, but I am going to take a long bath first, would you help? Let's wear those party dresses, the ones with the off shoulder sleeve and silver sparkles. We never got to wear them to Shelah's wedding." I said. Her eyes sparkled and she leaped up and started my bath water before I could change my mind. I shook my head and smiled.
"This is so good." I took my second bite of my milkshake, savoring the flavors I'd craved for a while and sighed happily. We had a lot of stares from our ensembles but I didn't care. We laughed as we traded jokes and just talked. I was enjoying the freedom of being alive and free. My life was my own. I had so much to live for. I loved myself.
What we didn't notice was that there were twin guys in the corner looking at us, talking with their heads close. Each twin had their own eye color as the only difference in looks, but each had kind loving eyes.