Ch 21

5 years later.

"Marie, are you ready to go?" Lucas asked. "I have Madeline and Greg in the car."

"I'm ready!" I took the braid out and let my hair flow. I grabbed the food I'd made, and asked Lucas, "Did Kris say they had the dessert or not?"

"They have it done. Tanner said he's been drooling over the cheesecake all day."

I laughed. I went over to my husband and kissed him. "Let's go." He put his fingers in my hair and softly brushed his hands there momentarily before opening the door. I melted. He knew that made me smile no matter what. My simple gold band ring reflected in the light. I bumped my arm gently into his side and he kissed me deeply before entering the car. He never failed to make my heart flutter.

In the car I looked at my two gabbing toddlers and smiled. I love them beyond what I knew I was capable of. Kids opened your heart up in a way that's hard to describe. They were twins, naturally. Kris and Tanner only lived five minutes away. Although we had our weddings one day apart, they were very different celebrations. One was in a banquet hall with caterers and a huge cake. Kris may have left that life but she still liked fancier parties. The other, mine, was outside on a lawn with white lights strung about. The only thing I went above and beyond with, was having a live band. It was really important to Lucas and I didn't care. I'm very glad I got over that music thing. We had an array of cupcakes with all the flavors instead of a cake. It suited us.

"You're here!" I just put Maddy down when Kris hugged me. I laughed.

"I just saw you yesterday at work." she waved her hand in response. She bent down. "How's my favorite niece?" She cooed at Maddy who giggled. Kris picked her up and carried her in. Maddy had my brown eyes that I still covered with hazel contacts and Lucas's straight very blonde hair. Lucas came holding our son Greg, who had his green eyes and light brown wavy hair. Our kids had different pieces of each of us.

There had been many double-date dinners. Now they were filled with food being dropped by our children while we constantly moved sharp things from their reaching grasps. It was a mess and I loved it. Kris was soothing her beautiful newborn girl named Chloe, while Tanner fed their clever and adorable toddler named Jack. He was only six months apart in age to my twins. He inherited Kris's hair color.

I hadn't told Lucas yet, but I just found out I was pregnant last night. I was going to announce it today. Actually right now. I cleared my throat to get their attention. "I have an announcement." I handed out the notes while they all read them. I didn't want to do a showy reveal. My husband teared up as he asked "Really?" I nodded happily, my smile a mile wide. I was overjoyed and his reaction made it all the better. He hugged me tightly while Kris said "I knew it!" I laughed. Tanner congratulated me with a pat on the back. He wasn't the most touchy feely guy in general, but with Kris it was a whole other story. I was surrounded by love.

The bare patch of my heart had finally turned into a blossoming garden, and I loved the fruit it now bore. Happiness spread in my soul each day, and I loved my new life and the second chance I was given to love. Charlie moved after he retired, about forty-five minutes from here. He wanted to be near me and all of his grandkids, Kris's too. She was more than happy to let Charlie be her surrogate father and grandfather and vice versa. Before he had moved, he informed me three years ago that Jake had gotten married and was already pregnant with his fiancé. I figured it was the imprint. Good for him. I still had Alice's number but had only used it once.

Lucas sure knew how to enjoy life. It helped me to let go of the pain Edward had caused at the last meeting, mentally, emotionally, and physically. The herb lady helped too as we tweaked my herb routine to help heal me in all aspects. I took all the help I could get and she had helped me significantly. I was eternally grateful for her.

It turned out that my Lucas and Tanner were siblings to Shelah's roommate, Anna, the one I met when Kris froze me out the one time sophomore year. Anna was happily married, unsurprisingly to her long-term boyfriend Dave, with a four year old daughter. I hoped the cousins would be good friends. I sometimes wondered what things would have been like if I had met him then, but no. They came into our lives at the diner right when it was supposed to. Life was funny that way.

I wondered in quiet moments if the joy of making a new home would have been possible without his presence. I loved my husband. I loved him more than I ever loved Edward. He'd held my hand when my cast came off. He went camping, hiking, climbing with us and other fun outdoor things with me, and sometimes Kris and Tanner. When the kids are a little older we will include them too. He even when indoor rock climbing with me. He didn't like heights but he was a pro-belayer. He supported me at archery competitions over the years and even was willing to run a 5k with me one time. It wasn't his thing, but he tried it. I didn't mind, the time running alone recharged me.

I tried some of his things too, although I learned I was never going to be good at golf. I still went with him and did my best, which wasn't much. I just liked spending time with him. He graciously came to the work holiday parties. Most of the time he was able to hang in the back with Tanner, so he didn't mind them. He wasn't a party person. The numbers attending the party increased each year. Good thing we hired a party planner. Our businesses thrived in ways beyond my imagination and I loved what I did.

I missed living with Kris. She still had the house we bought originally, and she drove me to work half the time. I was glad she was so close. I loved my new house too. Lucas was wonderful, a little like Josh but had additional qualities I didn't even know I needed. He wasn't perfect, but he was perfect for me. Kris was happy too. Tanner was different from Lucas, in just a way that suited her.

I don't know how it all turned out so well. But it did.

The end

Acknowledgments and notes

My friend helped me edit this story to make it smoother and better. They deserve a round of applause. Many commas and semicolons were moved around.

I had the best time writing this story. The title and part of the inspiration was from the Broadway musical Pretty Woman, hence the title. "I can't go back". I looked at it another way than the obvious plot. I listened to that song a couple hundred times, whenever I got stuck or needed motivation. I watch Bollywood movies and I love their references to nature in their songs. They helped me with a few metaphors. I used one such song and it's lyrics directly in the story as well, the English translation is in italics. Aao Milo Chalen in Jab We Met. Most of the book titles I used are real books, good ones too.

I admit that some of "not relationships" and the short relationships from Marie and Kris were similar to experiences I had, but embellished. Weird experiences deserved to be shared. I was tired of the 'clumsy' attribute commonly bestowed upon Bella, so I decided to tweak the reasons behind it. She deserved a chance to grow up.

Many of the techniques and tools I used in the story I have learned from the 3 Key Elements trainings and programs.

I believe that we can lift others and ourselves up to fulfill our potential and be our best selves. We are capable of more than we know.