The low rumble of the flagship matched the tremors of her heart.

Anakin had been in medical for ten hours now—for what, she couldn't really say. Master Windu's medic, Stitch, had mentioned infection, blaster wounds, and the need to sew up the deep gashes made by the juaal. Not to mention the potential side effects from the antidote, which he'd yet to properly diagnose.

Honestly, Ahsoka couldn't remember much of it. As she'd watched the junior medics wheel him into the depths of the medbay, all she could concentrate on was the fact that she'd deceived herself.

If we only could get the antidote, my Master will live. For days, that had been her mantra. Now, she feared the worst was far from over.

What sort of horrible lasting side effects awaited him on the other end of his recovery? And how would she ever be able to deal with what she'd done then?

With a sharp pang, she realized there would be no atoning for her mistake if Anakin's recovery turned out to be worse than the poison itself.

At the start of the last ten grueling hours, she'd stuck close to Obi-Wan's side, hoping he might bleed some comfort onto her. This thought bubble was quickly popped as Obi-Wan seemed just as nervous as she was. He was just a bit better at concealing this emotion—though not by much.

So, she avoided him too. Avoided Anakin, avoided Obi-Wan. She even found herself avoiding Cody for some reason, but she thought this had something to do with the soldier he'd lost to the antidote.

It was supposed to heal, not kill, she thought bitterly as she wandered the halls, unable to sit still in her makeshift quarters for longer than a few minutes at a time.

Her wanderings landed her in the small waiting room outside the medbay.

Please be all right… Please let him be all right!

"Hey there, lil'un." And no, she would never admit how much Rex's unexpected approach had startled her.

Instead, she offered him her best smile, which hadn't been much to begin with, lately. The familiar nickname warmed her, though she didn't feel very little at that moment.

She felt old, aged well beyond her years by the events of the past week.

"Hey," she returned softly as he sat down beside her on the waiting bench.

After examining his worn features, her eyes drifted down to his belt, where only one of his dual blasters sat snug in its holster.

"Did Master Obi-Wan forget to give you back your other one?"

"Eh…" Rex rubbed at the back of his neck, his hesitation clear to her; its source, not so much. "I'm… in the process of getting another one."

Oh.

"I see."

"The other… Well, I'm sure you can understand where I'm coming from, Ahsoka."

Yeah. She certainly did, and she longed for such understandings to go away, go away!

She didn't want to have to understand. She didn't want any of this to have happened at all.

Can't we just go back to normal?

But she knew this was easier said than done. Wishing away her problems would never be possible. The only way to rid herself of these feelings was hard, emotionally taxing work.

Work she wasn't yet ready to begin.

"I just think it'll be better that way," Rex was saying. "For me. On the field. You know?"

She just nodded. Yeah… I know the feeling…

And stars, she wished she didn't! She wished things could go back to the way they were before they'd all even heard of Otumni.

"Me too, kid," Rex said with a sigh.

Ahsoka felt her cheeks warm. Blast! There was nothing that irritated her more than accidentally speaking her thoughts out loud.

"There's a lot of things about the past I wish I could change," Rex went on, his gaze fixed on the ceiling. "But I learned a long time ago that the only thing I can truly change is how I react, how I move on. And we have to move on, Ahsoka. Staying stuck in the past, in the world of what-ifs, is almost as bad as the past we're trying to change. Sometimes, if we let it go on long enough, being stuck in the past is worse than the past itself."

"Do you…" She swallowed as one of the junior medics rushed past the bench where they sat. "Do you think things will ever be the same again? Between me and Master Skwaylker, I mean."

Rex's response was so quiet, Ahsoka had to strain her ears to hear. "Nothing stays the same forever, lil'un." She blinked, but he wasn't finished. "Would you even want it to?"

Didn't she?

"This war…" she began slowly, "I don't want it to stay the same forever… Some things deserve to change, but my relationship with my Master?" She shook her head.

His palm brought a sudden warmth to her knee and she looked up at him.

"Ahsoka… I think you two will only grow closer from here, and what happened… It showed how much you care about him. I don't think your relationship is gonna backslide because of it—it's only gonna strengthen."

"You… Do you really believe that?"

"No, Ahsoka," he said softly, cupping a warm hand atop her knee, "I know it."

"I wish Kix were here," she murmured after a few moments. "Not that I don't trust Master Windu's medic… but, well…"

Rex nodded. "I trust Kix with my life."

"And the lives of others. I know Kix. Master Skywalker knows Kix. And when he wakes up from surgery… I just want him to be reassured by a familiar face."

"Well then," Rex began with an air of finality, and when he stood, he flashed her a small smile, though it didn't quite reach his eyes, "why don't we give him one?"

Though she returned the smile, it fell short of any warmth. For ten hours, she'd waited, and now that the time had finally come to see her Master again…

Ahsoka suppressed a shiver. "All right."

Taking Rex's outstretched palm, she sucked in a breath.

She could do this. Even if everything would never be the same again, she would see her Master—she would be there when he woke up.

And if he sends you away? a dark part of her whispered, but she set her jaw in resistance.

Then I won't leave without letting him know how sorry I am.

And how much I care about him.

Forget the Jedi Code.

She wasn't going anywhere without doing her part to repair their relationship.

If only she'd known it hadn't even been broken in the first place.