It was a quiet morning, filled with a somber silence that was interrupted by the blaring of their alarms going off in a companionable rhythm. Why did they set both of them? Neither will know or care to understand but if they had to chance a guess, it was to make sure they didn't oversleep. It was one of the most important days of their life, after a year and seven months later, after a harrowing trial that found the defendant guilty, it was time for sentencing. Halstead's alarm is shut off seconds after it goes off, Erin's alarm on the other hand continues to rattle their ears as she makes no move to cut it off. She's never been a morning person, hence why she always jumped at the chance at working the overnight shift at the hospital.
Knowing his wife is awake, you'd have to be a hibernating bear to sleep through that alarm, he reaches over her to shut it off himself before falling back onto his side of the bed, "What time is it?" He barely makes out her question through her muffled words.
"It's seven in the morning."
He hears her groan and reposition the pillow to cover her face, "It's too early for anyone to be awake. Eyes open at this hour should be a crime."
"You should be used to waking up early by now," Halstead said with a grin, rolling over and pulling the pillow off her face to kiss her cheek once, then twice before laying a sloppy third one there before dropping the pillow back down. She groaned grumpily and readjusted the pillow to cover her eyes to make sure no sunlight peeking in through the curtains would disturb her.
"…and why would you think something like that?"
And as if he heard his cue, a small whimper could be heard through the baby monitor followed by a loud wail seconds later. Jay doesn't answer her question with a response. When she throws the pillow off her face, she notices that he answers her question with the point of a finger. He's pointing to the baby monitor and the cries coming from it. Erin simply rolls her eyes and throws the blanket off her legs, smirking when it lands on Ares. The dog lifts his head from beneath the covers and Jay spares their guy from having to find his way out from beneath the thick comforter by pulling it off of him, "How about you check up on him while I make the coffee?"
"I love you," was her simple reply. She walks out of their bedroom first; he follows and turns in the opposite direction. Ares doesn't follow either of them, choosing to stay behind and go back to sleep. Erin finds herself more envious of her dog than she's ever been since they got him.
Erin pushed open the cracked door to illuminate the bedroom with the hallway light. The cop badge nightlight plugged into the wall and the sun shining through the window lights the room enough so that she doesn't need to turn on the lamp. She approaches the crib built in the center of the room and looks down at her beautiful boy, "Good morning baby," she greets, reaching her hands into the crib to scoop him up, "I can only assume you're crying because it's early in the morning and you're not a morning person either," she lays a kiss to his head before situating him in her embrace.
She carries him out of his nursery and back into the master bedroom, choosing to take a seat in the rocker near their bed as she fed him. Erin assisted him in latching on and leaned her head back against the cushion to rock, hoping that if she can't get any more sleep then he at least can. She rocks slowly, the push and pull of the chair unintentionally rocking her back to sleep as he indulges in his morning helping of breakfast. The chair maintains its steady pace, offering comfort not only to her baby but to her as well. The comfort of it counteracts the beat of her heart as it starts to race the second she enters REM sleep, the second the start of her gentle dream switches gears and turns into a real-life nightmare. She hadn't thought about that night since the trial but now that sentencing was upon them, the memory chose her most vulnerable moment -rocking in the chair while feeding her baby- to enter her dreams and turn them into nightmares. Erin remembers the sounds of the sirens approaching, catching Ash completely off guard and leaving him open for attack. Erin can recall falling to the ground, lying on her back, in and out of consciousness as her dad battles a serial killer over a fully loaded weapon.
"Hey baby," her attention is momentarily pulled away from the fight and towards her husband as he gathers her up in his arms. He pushes strands of hair off to the side to lower his own forehead to press against hers before raising it to kiss between her brows, "it's not as bad as it looks," and if she had more energy, she'd laugh at the obvious lie. It's bad. She knows it's bad.
A gun shot sounds behind him, pulling her gaze from his face to see the shot land in the bark of the tree behind him. Her husband makes no move to look. Nothing is important or big enough to pull his attention away from her. He simply pulls her further into his arms, silent tears falling from his eyes as relief that she's alive overwhelms him. She's alive. And he needs to make sure she stays that way. Erin is settled back down on the ground and she notices his blood-stained shirt. It doesn't spark any fear or panic because she knows it's hers. She knows it all belongs to her.
"Okay," she can feel him touching the collar of her nursing scrubs probably to take a better look at the wound, "okay," she hears him say again before steadily repeating, "I can fix this." She doesn't believe that either. And for a moment, she loses the battle to remain focused, head tilting off to the side, unintentionally facing the direction her dad and Ash continue to fight in.
Right now, Ash has the upper hand and so she doesn't have to watch, she squeezes her eyes shut, hoping that when they reopen her dad will be in control. However, before they do, she feels her husband's shaky fingers guide her head in his direction, turning her face to face him. She can see the panic and now she starts to wonder if it's worse than she originally thought. He ends up calling for his brother and that answers her question. It's no way he'd risk Will running to help her during a gunfight. He kisses the tip of her nose and shifts to position his mouth near her ear, whispering through a dry throat that she's made it this far and she cannot give up.
Erin had no intention of responding but when she felt some of his tears meet her skin, she knew she had to gather enough energy to reassure him as much as possible, "I'm trying." She takes advantage of that energy to reach up and touch him, her fingers feeling at home against his skin.
For a moment he is forced to tear his eyes away when he realizes Will hasn't approached yet. She doesn't bother doing the same until another shot rings out. Without moving too much, her eyes avert around the area, searching for her father to find him hunched over. No. No. Jay touches her chin and guides her attention back to him, leaning forward to press his lips against hers before whispering, "Will is here now and the paramedics are trying to get to you. It's going to be fine."
She has no energy to tell Jay what she saw. She has no energy to demand that he go help her father now that Will is at her side. When she hears Will describe her pulse, it suddenly explains her lack of energy and why she keeps finding herself in and out of focus. She sees Will and Jay talking but their words are so muddled it sounds like she's listening to them from under water. She has no idea what's being said. She hears arguing around her and averts her eyes once again to the side to see Al and Justin, moving closer and taking cover trying to find the best angle to get the best shot off at Ash. She looks in the opposite direction and sees the remainder of the team doing the same. At least he has back up. Even if they can't get a clear shot now, they'll find one.
Erin can see the edge of her vision start to blacken and knows she's losing the battle with consciousness once again. She only hopes this time when she wakes up, the gunfire will be over. The spots of black turn to full black as the last thing she hears before she's rushed to the back of the ambulance is more gunfire than the impending doom of silence. And when the doors of the ambulance are slammed shut, she finds herself startling awake. Her gaze immediately drifts down to the baby in her arms, reaching up to touch her chin to gain his mother's attention.
"I never thought I'd see the day where you're smiling before noon," Jay cracks as he walks into their bedroom holding two cups filled with coffee. Hers is crafted perfectly to her liking.
Erin simply shrugs and repositions the baby in her arms so she can grab her mug, "Well, what can I say, you can never feel grumpy or pout when your alarm clock comes with its own gummy smile, dimples and footy pajamas." Her gaze drifts down to said footy pajamas kicking outwards.
Jay takes a seat at the edge of their bed, near Ares sleeping form. He extends his empty hand to the top of their dog's head and begins to pat and rub him. Erin turned her head to yawn into the crook of her neck as the little boy in her arms babbled, "He must be nice and full now, huh?"
Erin looks down to see her breast still exposed but no part of her was ashamed of it. It's nothing neither one of them haven't seen before. She merely leans forward to hand him the baby and readjusts her shirt to cover her exposed chest, "You probably need to burp him. And if you can get him dressed too, you'd be the greatest husband and daddy ever."
"If that's the case, the bar is low," he joked, rising up to his feet with his arm wrapped around the waist of their son. The little boy faced outwards, legs dangling as he patiently waited to be carried out of the room, "You get ready while I get him ready and then you entertain while I get myself ready," Erin said no words, she simply saluted to let him know she was in agreement with his plan.
Erin is soon enough left alone in their bedroom, the sounds of Jay talking to the baby fading out the further he gets down the hall. Ares soon disappears deciding he'd get more sleep if he slept in his doggy bed downstairs instead of staying upstairs where the whole house is awake. Lucky dog, she finds herself still envious of him even after her brief nap, -if she can even call it that. It wasn't restful at all. It was just filled with a blind panic as she was taken back to the day her dad was shot.
"Enough of that," she tells herself because it was over a year ago and so much has changed since then, evidence of that change is currently down the hall probably giggling as Jay blows raspberries on his tummy. It takes energy to focus herself, to finish off her coffee and carry herself to the closet to find a comfortable outfit suitable enough to wear to court. She's thankful she had the forethought to shower the night before -though it was with Jay and it wasn't much showering going on- that time under the stream of water brought her some extra minutes of sleep this morning.
Mindlessly, almost in a zombie-like trance, she strips herself of her pajamas and begin changing her clothes, stepping into the slacks because it's chilly outside and she's in no mood to wear a dress. She grabs a nursing bra, sliding it on knowing that on the ride to the courthouse, she intends to pump a bottle so she doesn't have to leave the courtroom for his next feeding. It's when Erin goes to grab a button up blouse that she suddenly stops in her tracks because the pain in her hand jolts up her arm. She clenches her fist and brings her arm up against her chest, holding it to her as if it were an injured animal. Nerve pain in the hand and the arm, that's just her fucking luck. She shuts her eyes and takes deep breaths in an effort to get her through this moment but all that seems to do is take her back to that night. She remembers seeing the bright fluorescent lights of the hospital above her as the paramedics push the gurney though the emergency room doors. She remembers hearing her husband calling out for her as security holds him back, letting him know that he's not allowed pass the red line. She hears numbers being called out, probably her blood pressure and if she wasn't so out of it then she'd be able to understand everything they're saying.
"She has lost a lot of blood," she understands that. And because she's at the nearest hospital to Ash's home, she's not at Chicago Med and she doesn't know any of these doctors, "We don't know her blood type so bring us some O blood."
She can remember making out words, not sentences. She remembers hearing epinephrine. She fills the prick of a needle. Erin feels hands press against her chest. The wheels of the gurney she's lying on continue to be pushed down the hall and she knows she's entered the operating room when the surgeon orders the anesthesiologist to prep her for surgery.
Erin is broken out of the memory when she hears Jay singing a nursery rhyme to the baby as they walk down the hall, his voice growing louder the closer they get to the bedroom. She finishes freshening up, throwing on the shirt and stepping into her comfiest heels by the time he makes it to her.
"All done," Jay announced with the baby held in his arms. Erin didn't bother telling him what to dress their baby in but now she's wishing that she did, "What do you think?"
"It'd be cute if he was going on vacation. We're going to court, Jay."
Jay isn't bothered by her comment, he merely turns to their son and whispers, "Mom is a killjoy."
"It's a Chicago winter, if I'm a killjoy for wanting him to be layered up then a killjoy I shall be."
Now it's her turn to take the baby as she leaves Jay behind to change. His pants were fine, she'll leave those cotton pull-on pants on, but the shirt needs to go. She cracks a funny smile before pulling it over his head only to pout when she sees his bare chest. No undershirt on at all. It takes longer than it should to add a onesie, readd his pants and then a long-sleeved shirt over top before pulling out a pair of thick socks to keep his little feet warm. Jay finishes getting dressed before she finishes getting the baby dressed so he takes it upon himself to keep the little guy entertained as mom maneuvered the socks onto his feet, "Now he's all done."
Erin carries their little guy out of the room, down the stairs and towards the door. Jay makes a pitstop to the kitchen to double check the food and water bowl for the dog. It's full. It's fresh. He hits the lights and meets his wife at the door, thanking her for grabbing his coat from the closet.
"How are you feeling?" He asks as he zips up his coat.
"If I'm being honest," Erin pauses just as she finishes buckling their baby into his car seat, "I don't know. If I say I'm feeling a little bit of everything, is that an answer?" She doesn't wait for a reply before she's elaborating, "I'm relieved. I'm also nervous. I'm worried too. And happy. Anxious. I also feel tired and scared. I can't zero in and focus on just one emotion because of everything that was taken from me but also because it's finally over. It's hard to believe it's finally over."
Jay is at her side, rubbing the back of her neck to center her, to bring her back to the present. He has his lips against her temple, inhaling the fresh scent of her shampoo, "Are you sure you want to go? You testified during the trial, you did your part, we got a guilty verdict. It's the sentencing stage now, we're not technically needed there. Are you sure you're up for this?"
"I have to do this," she states adamantly, focused down on the ground as she takes a deep breath to steady her increasing heartrate, "I just can't do it alone."
"…then it's a good thing you won't have to," his hand slides from the back of her neck, down her back before circling around her waist, "me and Wyatt will be with you every step of the way." And as if on cue, the baby coos and gurgles, earning soft chuckles from his parents, "That's right Wy, let mama know we got her back," his attention turns to Erin and his expression turns serious as he repeats his words but this time to his wife, "You'll never be alone again. We got your back."
It's the reassurance she needs to follow him out the door. She stays a few steps behind him as he holds the handle of the car seat and carries it to the car. She mentally checks out, paying no attention to any of the steps or movements she makes as she mindlessly follows behind her husband. He opens the passenger door for her and she gets in as he connects the car seat to the base in the back seat. She's so out of it that she doesn't even recall how her seat belt was buckled or when her door was shut. A part of her feels the car back out of their driveway and as he turns onto the main road, she feels his hand intertwine with hers. The ride is silent, he chooses to keep it as such to not break her out of the needed reverie she finds herself in.
Erin's eyes glaze over because they haven't blinked in more than a few minutes. Her head is tilted down, gaze focused on her lap yet she doesn't see her lap. Her vision is blurry because of the tears welling up in her eyes and when she blinks twice, it causes drops to fall. Heading to the courthouse, knowing everything will be behind them after today forever settles a heavy pressure against her chest. Is this closure? It feels too heavy, too uncomfortable to be closure yet she's never had or felt closure before so she has nothing to compare it to, "Erin," she doesn't hear his whispered word.
Instead, she shuts her eyes, squeezing them closed even tighter as her mind plays through that night again, the conclusion to Ash's reign of terror. She remembers gasping awake two days after surgery. She remembers the throbbing headache, the nerve pain in her hand and a similar pain shooting up her arm. She can recall the look on her husband's face when he's startled awake by her being startled awake. He was at her bedside, sitting in a chair he pulled up to the side of the bed, her good hand in his and his head resting against the hospital bed. When she had woken up, unintentionally yanking her hand from him when she gasped in pain and panic, he woke up and jumped to his feet, reaching over her to press the button to call for help.
"Hey baby," he's grinning at her, a look of relief held on his face despite the pain he knows she's in, "Hi baby, it's okay," he notices the signs of an incoming panic attack, "tell me what you need."
Erin squeezed his hand as tears filled her eyes. He fucking hates to see her cry. When she cries, it makes him want to cry. It's fucking heartbreaking.
Halstead rushes to the table to pour her a cup of water, hoping the room temperature beverage can ease the dryness he knows is in her throat. He sticks a straw in it and carries it over but the start of the panic attack that was filling her before has now cemented itself. One of the machines she's connected to makes it clear as day to him that her heart is racing. She's having trouble breathing. She's sweaty. She's holding her chest which tells him she's having pains. And if she could voice it, he knows there is more symptoms than that. She's in a full blown panic attack.
He goes over everything in his head he's learned from her therapist on what to do and what not to do when Erin is experiencing one of her attacks. Do not panic when she panics, even though he really wants to right now. Where the hell are the doctors and nurses? He wished Chicago Med was closer because this hospital is low on staff and are already displaying signs of them being overworked. The sooner they can transfer Erin to Chicago Med, the better.
Erin is sitting up, trying to catch her breath. Her eyes are shut to cut out the beaming lights shining down above her, illuminating the room. She hears the chair near her bed move off to the side so Jay can come closer. She feels his hands gently wrap around her shoulders and when he whispers her name, she slowly peels her eyes open, "There you go, just take a deep breath for me," he mimics deep breathing, hoping she'd follow, "You're in the hospital," he tells her as if it wasn't already obvious, "and you're okay, you're going to be okay. You're safe. Concentrate on your breathing right now for me, in and hold four seconds, then out for another four seconds." He does it with her. He needed to calm himself down too. They continue this until the door opens and a trauma nurse walks in to check on her patient.
"My," she starts but realizes her throat is too dry to continue so she points to the cup of water Jay had poured for her, smiling in thanks when he hands it over, "my dad?" She doesn't need to say more. Jay knows exactly what she's asking but the nurse takes over, asking questions, checking her machine before the doctor starts walking in to update her on her surgery.
She is listening but at the same time she isn't listening. She hears words. She doesn't hear sentences. Nerve damage, those two words together stand out the most. It's not as bad as the nerve damage left to her hand from years ago, but the wound to her shoulder was left unattended to for so long, was moved around too much while injured that some of the damage couldn't be repaired. At least she didn't lose her arm. At least it didn't get infected. At least her arm didn't suffer paralysis of some sort. She still has feeling in it. She still can move it around and when the cast is eventually off, physical therapy may help manage the pain better and regain more strength. That's good.
Erin can't bask in the good news for long because her question was left unanswered. She takes another sip of water through the straw before flat out saying, "I saw my dad get hurt," and then straight out asking, "How is he? Is he okay?"
Jay nods for the doctor and nurse to leave the room after they reassure Erin that once some of the pain medication sets in, it'll reduce the pain marginally. She isn't paying attention. She is looking at Jay, waiting for an answer, holding out for the best answer and when she hears him say her name, a confused expression fills her face. That wasn't his response in the memory. That's not what he said back then. He says her name again. And that's when she realizes he's calling for her in the present, gently squeezing her hand to coax her out of her reverie.
"We're here," he answers the question he knows is rolling around in her head.
Erin blinks into focus to notice the car is parked in the parking garage attached to the courthouse.
"We're here," she repeats before deciding to say it once more, "we're here." And she wastes no time in opening the door to get out. Jay grabs the baby, knowing that for right now, she needs to focus on staying grounded, remaining present. This is a hard day for her more than it is for anybody. He holds the baby securely to his chest, one hand pressed against his little behind and the other resting against his head to keep it in place as Jay jogs to catch up with his mother, "Hey speed racer, wait for us. Sentencing doesn't start for another half an hour."
She stops walking to turn to face him, leaning in to press her lips against his, lingering there despite the cool air wisping through the parking garage freezing both of their lips and turning their cheeks pink before pulling back to lean down and kiss the baby's cheek. Both are her peace. Both are her strength. Both provide her with purpose. This day isn't the hard part, it's the memories that come with it that makes it difficult. Erin wraps her arm through his, being mindful to not pull or tug because he's holding the baby in both of them and together, as the life partners they've committed themselves to be, they walk into the courthouse, stepping in line to go through security.
Erin deposited everything in her pockets into the bin to run through the x-ray machine before she stepped through the metal detectors. When her reading got the green light, she gathered her possessions, including the baby's diaper bag and stood to the side to wait for Jay and the baby. She rocks back and forth nervously on the heels of her feet until she hears a familiar voice calling out her name. Just as Jay comes through security and grabs his things, she spots her brother standing a few feet away in the opposite direction of the main entrance. Olive is at his side, holding his hand in silent support. When their eyes met across the hall, she noted the tension suddenly leaving his shoulders as his hardened face relaxed. The sight of her always seemed to do the trick for him. It's been over a year and similar to her, he still finds himself on edge over everything that has happened. It's hard to relax when he's built himself up to be on edge. It's hard to break that mask. Around this time a little over a year ago, he didn't think he would ever see his sister alive again. No matter how many times he sees her, it still takes some getting used to so forgive him if he continually looks relieved and overly happy at the sight of a living and breathing Erin.
Justin and Olive approach and hugs are shared between everyone as if they didn't just see each other a few days ago. It's a hug to commemorate this day, the day of sentencing, the day this door will be shut forever. Erin is in no rush to release her brother from the second hug they find themselves in. She buries her face into the crook of his neck as he tightens his hold.
"Have you seen Al or Intelligence yet?" Justin's question is directed at Jay, knowing his sister was too wrapped up in the hug to pay attention or respond.
"No, but while I was in the security line, they sent a text letting me know they're already here."
The courthouse was pretty big. It's no way they'd find each other by chance. Cell phone reception sucked too, which was most likely done purposefully, so now that they're all completely inside, it'd be difficult to send off a message to get their whereabouts. It's just easier to meet them in the courtroom when it's time for the sentencing trial to start.
Only just now does Erin withdraw herself from the hug and turns to take the baby from Jay. She needs to do something with her hands. She's feeling pretty restless. She has Jay to her right, Justin to her left and Olive on the opposite side of her brother when they all officially start heading to the courtroom. It's been a while since the guilty verdict, since the last day of trial, but it feels like that day was only yesterday. Erin rests her nose against the side of the baby's head, inhaling the scent of him and finding comfort that only he and Jay can provide, "I love you so much," she whispers into the baby's ear. She doesn't care if he understands or not, she needed to say that.
"Why are people staring?"
"Our faces are pretty recognizable," Justin simply answers. The trial was a closed courtroom with access only to the media, witnesses, victims and family members. Olive couldn't come to support, she had to stay home at she and Justin's shared condo to watch the trial on television. She was never on the other side of the staring, of being known for that connection to Ash and Ivy. Lucky her.
Justin holds the elevator open and Erin steps in first, moving to the back and leaning against the railing as she readjusts the baby in her arms. His fingers toy with the necklace around her neck, distracting him from his surroundings. She watches him play with it, allowing it to be a distraction for her. Wyatt Henry Halstead, his middle name stemming from her father, the man that stepped up as the amazing single father he was to provide for her and her brother. He wasn't perfect, far from it actually, but he adapted and did his best with the cards he was dealt. Her son should be honored to carry his name. She leans her forehead against the side of his head, inhaling his scent once more before squeezing her eyes shut as she thinks of his namesake.
"What did you just say?" She needs to make sure she heard him right. She has to make sure she's not hearing things. She's been through a lot, she needs to make sure she isn't sleep or still unconscious, "What did you just say, Jay?"
"I said your dad is going to be okay," he smiles when he hears the release of a relieved sigh, "He was hit twice, once in the leg and once in the chest. The one to the chest was caught by his vest."
Erin feels the weight that was settled on her chest, the one that felt like an elephant was pressing down was now letting up. She could fully breathe again. She cried in relief, tears of joy rolling down her cheeks as she asks, "When can I see him?"
"I'll see if the nurse will lend us a wheelchair so I can roll you to his room. Justin is with him now so you don't have to worry about him being alone."
He knows her so well. He knows that's exactly what she was worried about. Jay pats her leg and then squeezes her ankle before walking by her bed to leave the room in search of the nurse that's going to help him find a wheelchair so he can brighten the smile already on his wife's face.
She wanted the memory to continue, knowing the best parts have yet to come but a sharp pain to the face pulls her out of it. Ouch, she thinks as she rubs her nose. Her baby turned his head at the sound of the elevator doors opening and the quick movement sent the back of his head smacking against the front of her face. She can't bask in the pain for too long because she sees her dad, along with Intelligence standing outside the courtroom, leaning against the wall adjacent to the door.
"How long have you guys been waiting?"
Ruzek shrugs, tilting his head side to side as he estimates a number, "…about ten minutes."
"So not long at all, that's good," Justin replied.
Erin moves to approach her dad, smiling when his arms embrace her. Wyatt has the joy of being in the center of the hug. He doesn't whine. He simply latches on to his grandpa, choosing to be in his arms now instead. Hank grins down at his grandson, bouncing him in his arms as the baby slobbers over his grandpa's tie. It still takes some getting used to seeing her dad in uniform. Captain Hank Voight, promoted twice in almost two years, mainly because he earned it, minorly because of his takedown of Ash. Al is the new sergeant of Intelligence and in a few more years when Al officially retires, Jay intends to go for the promotion and earn the title of sergeant and the position of overseeing Intelligence. He has the Voights in his corner so it's practically a done deal. The media favorites right now as the state's attention is on this case, on this trial. Anything any of them wanted after that night, they were more than guaranteed to get it, especially after Voight was removed from the case multiple times and the case was reassigned to other officers knowing no one had gotten closer to finding and capturing Ash as Hank Voight did.
Erin notices the baby caused her dad's medal to be tilted off to the side and she hands Jay the diaper bag in order to fix it. She straightens it in two seconds before pressing down his collar and leaning to give him a kiss to the cheek, "Mom would be so proud of you."
That particular statement does something to him and he feels his throat threatening to choke up, "Do you uh," he clears his throat to continue the mask of indifference, "do you really think that?"
She nods assertively, "I'm positive. All mom wanted was for us to be safe and happy. We're both of those things now and a lot of it can be chalked up to you."
"Now you're just trying to warm me up."
"…by telling you the truth?"
Now it's Voight that's leaning in to kiss her cheek, "I love you kid," and when she mouths it back, he turns to the group, "now let's get through this day and put it behind us."
Everyone turned to face the large oak doors separating the hall from the courtroom, separating them from what awaits them on the other side, from who awaits them. Voight shuffles Wyatt to his opposite arm and extends his now empty arm towards the handle, hand hovering above the knob ready to pull it open when he hears a repeated apology, catching all of them off guard.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm late," Annie looks frazzled. She rushes up, sliding in her flats as she runs her fingers through her hair to tame it, "I forgot to set my alarm and overslept."
"…lucky you," Erin mumbles under her breath yet Jay overheard and could be heard snickering beside her, "but you didn't miss much," she speaks at a higher volume so Annie could hear now, "we were actually just about to go into the courtroom."
Annie swallows nervously and meets the eyes of her best friend, "How are you feeling about this?"
"I don't know," she gives a similar answer to her that she gave Jay before they left their home.
"That's understandable considering…" she pauses to look at the door obscuring the sight of the courtroom and the defendant, "everything and…I uh don't know how I feel too." Annie nods for Voight to continue in opening the door to lead the group in, to lead the family into the courtroom, down the aisle and to the first row behind the prosecution's side. Erin takes Wyatt from her dad's embrace, knowing she's going to need the innocence and comfort that only her baby can give her in this tough time. Erin settled in the seat, finding a soothing calm in her husband when his arm is thrown and wrapped around her shoulder, drawing her as close to his side as possible.
A guilty verdict is one thing but justice won't truly be served until they hear that sentence, until they know the number of years that will be served. If they're lucky, it's life and nothing less than that, but after a word of caution from the prosecutor to not get their hopes up, they're keeping their fingers crossed that the sentence is at least fifteen years. At least that. At least.
"Just take a deep breath," Jay whispers into her ear, trying to calm her with his own composure.
"I am calm."
"If your leg bounces any harder, it'll leave a dent in the floor," he jokes, pointing towards her restless leg with his gaze. He moves the arm not wrapped around her shoulders to her knee, settling it down to offer tranquility in an otherwise building storm.
"How are you able to be so relaxed?"
"I'm just thinking about that vacation we have booked for the summer. It's only a few months away. Picture it with me; a week away with my love while Justin and Olive watch the baby," he kisses the outline of her jaw, "relaxing on the beach, margaritas with the little decorative umbrellas inside it, swimming, zip lining, dancing, drinking, fine dining, hot air ballooning, parasailing, and don't forget the sex, so much of it too." She turns her head to face him and smiles when he winks. And now she finds herself envisioning the things they'll get into on their upcoming vacation finding it the perfect cure and distraction for her rising anxiety.
That seems to do the trick. She allows her mind to escape, wandering into the future only to be diverted from its stream in order to think about a memory of the past. She's at her dad's bedside, relieved to find out he's going to be okay, although he isn't particularly happy to hear he'll be out of work for quite some time. He needs to heal. He'll also need physical therapy. Erin sits in the wheelchair, the wheels locked to ensure it doesn't roll and she holds her dad's hand in hers.
"You don't know how happy I am to hear you're going to be okay. I was so scared. I saw you get shot and I thought the worse had happened," she's pushing herself to breathe through her words to keep a leveled head; he's alright, her dad is going to be just fine, "What happened after we left?"
Hank is groggy, the pain meds will soon start to take effect but he fights through the need to nap to answer his daughter's question, to take away her curiosity, "I shot Ash in the arm and warned him to stand down. He didn't listen. He tried reaching for my gun again and Justin shot him."
"Dad, what are you telling me?"
"By the time the ambulance pulled up to the scene, he was gone. Ash is dead."
Erin broke out of the recollection by a nudge from Annie's elbow to her side. She was prepared to question her on it but suddenly her breath caught in her throat at the sight of Ivy dressed in an orange jumpsuit, her hair longer than it was during the trial as she's escorted into the courtroom by US Marshals. She's led to the table seating her lawyer and the second she is uncuffed and seated, her head looks over her shoulder, peering at both she and Annie, switching her gaze between the two of them. It's a dark bruise under her eye that Erin remembers hearing from Al that she'd received from a fight at the jail, apparently her dad killed the sister of an inmate. Erin found herself struggling to have any empathy for her. It's the first fight Ivy had been in but it probably won't be the last. Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on how you look at it.
Ivy wears a hard, unreadable look on her face until her defense attorney nudges her side and reminds her to look forward. It takes multiple nudges to the side before Ivy listens and redirects her focus. Staring ahead with her shoulders tense and her fingers nervously tap against the table they're sitting behind. She's worried about the sentencing. Good, Erin thinks, Ivy is finally worried about something. It's sad that it has come to this. It hurts a lot that it has come to this.
"All rise." Every person in the courtroom stands as the judge enters and takes a seat behind the bench. Seconds later, they all follow and retake their seats. The sentencing hearing has begun.
It's a lot to unpack during the trial from the prosecutor speaking to the defense attorney talking and then Ivy reading off the defendant allocution she'd written on a legal notepad. It's her time to address the courtroom, the moment that she hopes her words will sway the judge to give her a lesser sentence but Erin blocks it out. She doesn't want to hear it. She can't hear it. The last conversation she had with Ivy will be the last conversation she has with Ivy. She remembered visiting her at the county jail, sitting across from her, a thick plexiglass separating the two of them, forbidding any type of physical contact. Erin watched Ivy reach for the phone first and then Erin followed, raising it to her ear and taking a deep breath before speaking first, "All of the years we've been friends meant nothing to you," she purposefully phrased it as a statement because it wasn't a question. It's a fact. They meant nothing to her. If it did, the outcome would have been different.
"It was nothing personal, Erin."
She scoffs, "It was nothing personal," her grip around the phone tightens as she glares into the eyes of her former best friend, "are you fucking serious right now? Did those words actually just come out of your mouth?" She tries, and struggles to keep her voice low and even to ensure the other visitors seeing their friends and relatives didn't overhear her, "your dad murdered my mother. He murdered so many other people. He kidnapped me and tried to kill me and you're telling me it's nothing personal. Please tell me I heard you wrong."
Ivy appears to be uncomfortable. She straightens her posture in the seat and switches the phone from her right ear to her left, "I meant my role in all of this was nothing personal. Ash is my dad, Erin, you would do anything for yours so why can't you understand me doing the same?"
"It's different. That's different."
"Everything my dad taught me was all that I knew."
"That's a load of bs and you know it."
"You were raised by a man on the right side of the law," Ivy argued, moving closer to maintain her pitch, "I was raised by a man on the opposite. The bad things are unfamiliar to you but to me, I'm used to it. I'm used to hearing about death, seeing death, all of it."
"Well just because you're used to it doesn't mean it's okay!"
She watches as Ivy leans back in her seat, the fight to argue suddenly leaving her, "I can see we're never going to agree because we're fundamentally two different people."
"I just," Erin pauses, mouth stuck open before she shuts it closed and tries speaking again, "I just don't understand. I don't get it. We've known each other since we were teenagers. You've been there for me more than a lot of people. You've help build my confidence surrounding this," Erin slams her hand against the plexiglass so Ivy can see the familiar scar, "You know secrets about me. I've vented to you. We've comforted each other. You were my partner in life for years, you and Annie. How could you just not say anything? I don't get how you could just not help me."
"I love you," Ivy states kindly, catching Erin completely off guard because she did not expect that to be the response she received, "I know it's hard for you to believe but it's true. I love you and I love Annie too, but I loved my dad more. I had to choose and I chose him."
Erin bit her lip and slowly nods her head as Ivy's words completely register. She was angry for so long but she doesn't have the energy to be angry anymore. She and Ivy will never be friends again; they will never be what they once were to each other and knowing that, Erin felt herself feeling more sad than angry at the loss of her friendship, at the betrayal her once close friend had participated in. She couldn't be mad because she felt that's what Ash would want; he'd want to rule her life by being embedded in her emotions. He'd find joy in not only destroying the friendship, but knowing that his daughter's presence would manage to bring her out of character. She's tired of giving that family any power over her. She doesn't know what she was looking for when she came to speak to Ivy today, but based on how she feels, she thinks she's found it. Erin doesn't bother saying goodbye, she simply hangs the phone up and rises to her feet to leave the room.
The memory isn't broken by something in her present reality; it's ended because that was truly the end of her interaction with Ivy. Erin found peace in that. No further words needed to be said because Ivy will never get it. Her entire life she'd been brainwashed by a monster, one brief conversation with Erin isn't going to change the way she's thinking. Erin chose to keep her peace and that meant being okay with everything outside of her control.
"Are you okay?" She hears her husband's voice break through her train of thought.
And she looks over at him, smiling as she felt confident enough to give him this answer, "Yeah, I'm okay and when I'm not," she adds because she knows those moments will come, "I know that I will be eventually."
Jay sneaks a kiss, quickly pecking his lips against hers before anyone could notice. He faces forward, allowing his attention to be absorbed in the trial. And Erin does the same, only to be distracted five minutes later by the restless baby in her lap. Wyatt grows fussy. His curled little chubby legs kick out as he continues to whine louder and louder. It was embarrassing if she had to be honest but she reminds herself, he's a baby and that's just what babies do. Erin turned him around on her lap and brings him up against her shoulder, patting and rubbing his back in the hopes that it'll offer him enough comfort to silence his wails. It only manages to calm him down for a few seconds before the tremble of his bottom lip hints that he's about to scream, he's about to let out the biggest wail a five-month-old could muster up if he wasn't tended to soon.
"I can take him out to the hall," Annie's voice was too low for anyone else but Erin to hear in the courtroom, "he probably wants a change of scenery or something." The look on Erin's face is one of appreciation and gratitude; she didn't want to miss out on the last day of trial and Annie became a life saver in this moment. She hands the baby to her best friend and then grabs the diaper bag from her husband to hand it over to her as well before mouthing her thanks once again.
With the diaper bag on her shoulder and the baby on her hip, Annie excuses herself down the row of seats and then the main aisle of the courtroom before disappearing out the wooden doors.
"Do you want me to go out there to make sure everything's fine?" Jay knows Erin needs to see this end so he offers to step into the hall to miss the rest so she doesn't feel compelled to leave.
"No," she intertwines her hand with his as his other arm remains draped over her shoulders, "she has this under control. I need you here with me. The judge should be reading the sentence soon anyway, at least I hope." It's a lot of legal jargon being tossed back and forth, it's mentions of mitigating and aggravating factors and the judge reminds both prosecution and the defense that the actual trial was over and it's not the time to hash out evidence. Ivy was already found guilty.
When the sentence is inevitably read, an eerie silence fills the courtroom. It's scary just how quiet it gets after her sentence is read. It's quiet enough to hear a pin drop. The silence is deafening. It's a void that is eventually broken when Erin releases a breath of relief. 20 years. She deserves more but they'll take it, they'll take what they can get. A 20-year sentence for her silence, for her contribution and her role in everything. A chapter closed the second Ash stopped breathing. And another chapter closed the second US Marshals led a handcuffed, orange jumpsuit wearing Ivy out of the courtroom. She was facing a life sentence, but with a list of mitigating circumstances her defensive attorney presented allowed her to get a portion of that. 20 years, no option of parole available. It's good considering everything. She won't be out anytime soon. It's time to move on.
"Is it really over?" She finds herself asking aloud.
"It's over," Jay's arm drops from her shoulders and his hand goes to rub her back, "it's over!"
"It's over," she whispers to herself, allowing those words and its meaning to settle in her soul, in her spirit so she can believe them. Since she was eleven years old, she'd been dealing with the reign of terror that was Ash, for longer than that her dad had been dealing with it and now that book is closed, that chapter is finished. This story is finished.
Erin rose to her feet and is immediately swallowed up in a hug by her dad and brother. Ash may not have stood trial for his crimes but Ivy did and that's something. Ash is dead, tossed in a box on the government's dime and buried in some unmarked plot. She doesn't waste another second allowing Ash to take root in her thoughts, not with her family in her arms, holding her tightly, smearing kisses against her cheeks as they celebrate justice being served. The hug only ends so everyone else can join in on the love and the comradery. She hugs Olive next then Al and then each member of Intelligence, a hug after a hug, each coming one after the other so often and so fast that she can't keep up with whose arms are around her now.
"This fucking nightmare had been going on for so long that I forgot what it's like to live without it," her dad states in all honesty. It's going to take an adjustment. And with him in therapy, after a lot of convincing from she and Justin, she knows he'll adapt. He always does.
Halstead is shaking the hand of the prosecutor as she waits for him to be finished with the idle chitchat. She's patient. She has nowhere to be today. She took off from work this week for this very reason. Erin was going to enjoy this moment. She was going to embrace this feeling. With her hands tucked in her jacket pocket, her eyes begin to survey the courtroom once, taking in the crowd of people smiling, hugging and crying tears of joy, all of them friends and relatives of victims of Ivy's father. And if they couldn't see Ash locked away, they were grateful enough to see his daughter put away for her role as his accessory, for her role in hindering a police investigation along with lying to law enforcement and so many other offenses that totaled up to the twenty years she got behind bars. Erin was happy for them as much as she knew they were happy for her. She continued scanning the crowd, observing parents, siblings, children and all in between pull out their phone to call other loved ones and if this is how she would be spending the rest of her day, she wouldn't mind, but as her eyes continue to survey the crowd, her gaze circles back when they zero in on a familiar face sitting in the back of the courtroom. She hadn't seen him since the trial. She hadn't spoken to him since before then.
Now is as best a time as any to share words. Erin excuses herself from her family and friends and makes her way down the row before moving down the aisle, excusing herself through strangers in order for her to approach him, "Well if it isn't Kenneth Rixton," she states his government name.
He gives her a small smile, that confident detective she knew from years ago had been humbled by life's events, "Hi Erin, how are you doing? I heard you had a baby. Congratulations."
"Thank you," she whispers. Her hands clasp together in front of her as she rocks forwards and backwards trying to come up with something to say, "I heard about what happened. I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault," now it's his turn to whisper; his gaze focused down on his lap, staring at a piece of lint on his pants that he eventually flicks off, "I guess I got my wish, huh?"
It doesn't take long for her to contemplate his meaning. She knows what he's implying and the saddened expression on her face suddenly changes. Erin shrugs her shoulders, her stance becomes hard and her face is blank, "Yeah, I guess you can say that," she shrugs again because she doesn't know what else to do, "you said recognition is recognition and now we're more alike than you probably anticipated." A lot is left unsaid. But it's all understood. He can no longer be a cop; he was forced into early retirement after the damage done to his body, between the starvation, the amount of blood loss and the multiple gunshot wounds he received, he's lucky to be alive but the permanent damage done was too much to be granted back into law enforcement. He's been sentenced to a wheelchair for the rest of his life.
"It's funny, huh?" The way he starts that off is peculiar because nothing is actually funny about any of this, "I don't mean literally funny but it's interesting."
Her curiosity wins out and she asks, "What is?"
"How I got what I asked for basically," the quirk of her brow pushes him to elaborate, "we're more in common than I would actually like to be," he shrugs his shoulders and looks down at the ground, "I just mean…we both have injuries preventing us from fulfilling our dreams," and now he looks up to meet her gaze, "My words came back to bite me, huh? Everything you said was the truth. I wanted the recognition so much that I didn't care what it cost me. And now the whole point in me risking my life is for nothing because I can never advance in a career I was forced to leave."
Erin hears her name being called and looks over her shoulder to see Jay patiently waiting for her. She turns back to Rixton and bends over to meet his eyes, "It's neither funny nor interesting," she asserts, nodding surely, "and this isn't a club I wanted anyone else to be a part of."
"I know you have to go but...keep in touch?"
She stands up straight but still looks down at him, "I'll say yeah but we both know how likely that is. We don't want the reminders of what happened in that house. I don't. And I know you don't either. Do you have someone to look out for you?"
"I have a nurse that stops by every day to help me with some basic necessities in life."
"…but do you have family or friends?"
"They work, they stop by if and when they can."
She hears her name being called again and before she leaves his side, she gives him a few last parting words, "I'm sorry this happened to you."
"I'm sorry too," are the last words she hears from him before she leaves his side. She goes to meet her husband near the exit of the courtroom. He pushes the door open for her to exit first and when she does, a deep satisfaction filled her spirit now that this door can finally close behind her for good. Both figuratively and literally. Ash is dead. Ivy is locked away. Her family and friends are safe. It's over. That thought never seems to get old or tired, it's finally over. She takes a pause in her step to look back to see Jay following along, but not paying attention. He unsurprisingly bumps into her when she stops and his hands circle her waist to steady her wobbly stance, "Why'd you stop walking?"
She only blinks, then smiles up at him as she whispers, "I don't have to look over my shoulder anymore. I don't have to worry about some serial killer with a score to settle. It's over, Jay."
With his arms already wrapped around her waist, he turns her completely to face him. Her arms going around his neck to draw his lips to hers. As their bodies press tightly against each other, the outside world melts away. Neither were in a rush for the kiss to end. Neither wanted the kiss to end but when Justin clears his throat, they feel forced to pull away. Jay finds himself blushing and Erin chuckles when she notices the light pink tint clouding his cheeks. She takes her thumb to swipe the gloss shining at the bottom of his lip before sending a wink his way then turning towards her brother, "What are your plans for the rest of the day?"
"We're going to head out and get some celebratory drinks. Did you guys want to come?"
Erin and Jay share eye contact and the words do not need to be shared because they can read each other's facial expressions pretty well, "I think we'll pass. We have the baby and everything to think about."
Justin doesn't push it because he knows it's true. He gathers his sister up in his arms and presses a kiss to her forehead before he's called away by his girlfriend. Erin takes that time to now approach her best friend, rocking the now sleeping baby in her arms. She smiles at the scene, grateful for this moment despite it taking place in a courthouse where her former best friend was just sentenced. She watches her husband gently take the sleeping baby into his arms, guiding him around to prop his head on his dad's shoulder, Jay kissed the back of the baby's head, the short strands growing in more in the back than the front, "I'm sorry you had to miss out on the hearing. I hope he wasn't too much of a problem."
"Far from it actually," Annie waved it off with a chuckle, "I think he just wanted to get out of that stuffy courtroom with all those men and women in suits. The second we stepped out, he settled down and fell asleep five minutes later. I don't blame him though. I wanted to get out too. So please don't apologize because I missed the rest of the hearing, it was worth it especially if it meant I got to spend a little alone time with this guy," Annie gently rubs then pats his back. The baby doesn't budge from his slumber.
"Did you hear how many years she got?"
Annie bites her lip and nods, "Yeah, Justin told me and then I got notifications on my phone too."
Jay presses another kiss to the back of his son's head before resting and brushing his face against the back of it. He can't get enough of that baby smell. It's addicting. He's so focused on Wyatt that he doesn't realize both Annie and Erin are looking at him expectantly, as if they've asked a question. Maybe they did? He wasn't paying attention. He blinks rapidly and whispers huh so the base in his voice doesn't startle the baby awake.
"Annie asked about our plans," Erin filled in, "I was just telling her we have nothing planned."
"Last night I was thinking maybe it'd be a good idea for us to get out of the city for a week, you know just to give it time for the talk of the trial to die down."
This is news to Erin. She fully turns to face him because she didn't expect to hear that. She thought he'd say they'll just chill at home and spend some time with Wyatt. Jay notices the confusion on her face and so he turns to face her to elaborate, "Just hear me out, we take the baby on a spontaneous road trip up to the cabin in Wisconsin. What better way to celebrate this door closing behind us than it is to do something free without worrying about Ash lurking in the shadows?"
"It would be nice," he hears the hesitance in her voice so he decides to be a little bit more persuasive.
"We disappear for a week. We leave behind work and any thoughts of the trial. It'll be the baby's first official trip. Something casual. We don't even have to actually leave the cabin. We deserve an escape and just like how after the trial reporters were camped outside of our home, they'll probably do that again after this hearing. We can swing by the house, pack a few bags and then head on out the door and text our families while we're on the road."
If Erin is honest with herself, she does like the sound of it. A spontaneous road trip with the cabin in Wisconsin as their final destination. She remembers back when she made him promise to stay safe because they had so much life left to live, including endless vacations. This can be the start of that. She's been living cautiously since her mother's death, it's time to step away from that and live for herself. What better way to start doing that than this? Erin looked from her husband to the sleeping baby in his arms and the diaper bag next to his feet and then she nods, "Okay."
"Okay?" He repeats to make sure he heard her correctly.
"Yeah, okay, let's do this, let's go."
Jay gives her another kiss, it's sloppy this time because she's unprepared for it but it sends the message he wanted to deliver anyway. He's excited. But he has to channel and suppress that excitement so he doesn't startle and wake the baby napping peacefully in his arms, head faced inwards and mouth parted slightly open so Jay can feel his soft breaths and hear his cooing sighs. Erin embraces her friend in a warm hug and promises to text her the second they're on the road and then again when they arrive to the cabin. Jay hugs Annie next. The rest of her family and friends have already left to head to Molly's despite the early morning hour. I guess it's never too early for a celebration, especially one of this magnitude. Jay takes the diaper bag from Annie and loops it over his shoulder to empty his hand so he can grab Erin's. He lifts her hand, bringing it to his lips to press a kiss against the back of it before asking, "Are you sure you're up for this?"
She meets his eyes and the smile she gives him resembles the one reserved solely for him, "With you, I'm up for anything. Now let's get out of here. We got things to do and an amazing life to live."