I hate you.
Megumi glared at the candle flame. It flickered innocently, moving in response to breezes she couldn't feel, or perhaps trying to avoid the strength of her glare.
I hate you. And I'm not afraid of you!
She had never liked fire, even as a child. She could remember how her mother, years and years ago, would hold up a candle near the wall and make pictures using her hands...Megumi had always been frightened by the way the shadows darted back and forth on the wall. But her brother Kei would stare into firelight for hours, watching the flames move and spark. He would laugh whenever the fire crackled, and tease her about being afraid. "Don't be silly, Meg-chan! The sparks can't hurt you!"
I wonder what he was thinking when...
No. No, Megumi. You can't do this. You don't have time for this. Not today, not any day. Stop it.
She sighed, brushing her hair back from her face. Concentrate. Mixing herbs for medicine can be a tricky business; it needs your full attention. You must get the ratios between the ingredients exactly right.
...what must it have been like, for them...burning to death? Is there any more painful way to die?
She took a shuddering breath and pushed herself away from the table, biting her lip almost hard enough to draw blood. I still don't know for sure that they're dead. They might not be. Okaasan, Kei, Kagerou...
Images flooded her mind, scenes that she had envisioned hundreds of times...flames covering the length of a battlefield, the ground scattered with bodies, and her family screaming...
I should have been there. She slammed a fist against her knee, then sighed. I was just a little girl, I wouldn't have been able to do anything. But at least then I'd know...
She looked down, startled to find that her fist was shaking where it rested on her thigh. She closed her eyes. I can't do this today. I have too much to do to waste the day with thinking about things I can't change. It's been more than six years. I have other things to think about now. I--
"Megumi-chan? Are you all right?"
She forced a smile onto her face and looked up. "I'm fine, Genzai-jiisan. Just a little tired."
The old doctor's eyes were understanding. "You were up late last night treating the boy with the second-degree burns. You should get some rest, Megumi-chan." His expression turned grim. "We need to be prepared."
She nodded slowly. There had been a rash of fires over the past weeks. Some claimed it was coincidence, but the police suspected arson. No one had been killed- thank the heavens- and few people injured. But the property damage was considerable; the entire city turned anxious when night fell, waiting for news of the next fire.
And me...I feel like I'm walking on knives. Why did it have to be fire? Why of all things did it have to be...
A hand was placed gently on her shoulder. "Get some rest, Megumi-chan. You've barely slept at all for the past week. I'll wake you if you're needed."
She nodded again, unable to make herself meet his eyes. He knew all about her fear of fire. "I will. I promise."
He smiled at her, touching her head as gently and fondly as he did his granddaughters', before leaving the room. Her heart lightened a little bit. She still had a family; Genzai-sensei treated her as his own daughter, even calling her Megumi-chan in private and letting her call him "grandfather." After so many years of being alone, it was a blessing; she was more grateful than she would ever be able to say. Genzai-sensei, Ayame-chan and Suzume-chan, Kaoru, Yahiko, Kenshin, and--
"Yo, Fox-lady!"
I think of the devil and he appears in front of me, Megumi thought ruefully, looking up with an arch expression. "What do you want, rooster-head?"
Sagara Sanosuke grinned at her from the doorway. He held up a hand and began counting things off on his fingers. "Money, alcohol, a couple of pretty girls to sit on my knee..."
He eyed her speculatively, but she had already stood and rushed over to him, distracted. The bandages on his right hand were torn and battered, the hand itself swollen; she could see it even from across the room. "Sanosuke, you idiot! I specifically told you not to get into any more fights! Weren't you listening?"
He just shrugged. "It's not like I go looking for them, Fox. They just find me."
"More likely you were drinking again, and managed to insult someone," she muttered under her breath, grabbing his arm and dragging him over to a chair. "Sit!"
"Hai, hai..." He sat down without argument, and stayed still as she removed the bandages around his hand and examined it, gently prodding his palm and fingers. He flinched as her fingers brushed over a particularly bruised area. She scowled at him. "I should put your hand and arm in a splint; maybe then you'd remember not to use this. It's taking much longer to heal than it should; you aggravate it every day."
He shrugged. "I do a lot of stuff with my hands, Fox. It's hard to take it easy."
"I will put you in a splint if you keep it up. Better yet, a cage. Maybe that would keep you out of trouble," she grumbled.
"Hmm, locked up in a cage by the onna-sensei. Sounds like fun." She refused to acknowledge the retort. By this point the game was familiar to them both. He flirted with her ceaselessly when they were alone, his innuendoes growing more and more outrageous all the time. The girl she'd been five years ago--even two or three years ago--would have been blushing furiously at some of the things he said. But that girl was long gone.
Kanryuu liked innuendoes, too... She shivered at the thought, unable to help herself.
"Hey, Fox, you all right?"
Sano's concerned voice brought her back to herself immediately. She resumed her examination. "It's nothing." This is Sano, and he doesn't mean them. He just likes to tease me. He teases everyone; it's just his way. Not like Kanryuu at all. Sanosuke is my friend.
Sort of.
While examining his wrist she caught sight of something she hadn't noticed before: a small scar cutting across the center of the palm. She paused for just an instant, then picked up a new set of bandages and began carefully wrapping them around his hand, hoping he hadn't noticed her hesitation. She knew where that scar had come from. She had been holding the knife that time, had meant it for her own heart.
And Sano had caught it in his own hand before it could reach its destination, had wrenched it from her grip and thrown it aside. She could still remember the fury in his eyes. She still didn't understand.
You hated me. I know you did. I murdered your friend. Not directly, but it was still me who killed him. My drugs. But you saved me. Why?
Why?
"Done." She tied the bandage off neatly. "Be sure you take care of it this time."
"Careful, Fox. You're gonna make me think you're worried." He grinned up at her.
Megumi snorted and tossed her head. "Don't be ridiculous. It's just that I have better things to do with my time than nurse a stupid street punk who doesn't know better than to stay out of trouble." She certainly hoped that she wasn't blushing.
"Yare yare. What does it take for a man to get respect around here?"
"For starters, you could take a bath. You smell like a tavern."
"A bath, huh." He grinned at her. "You wanna join me?"
She scowled. "Go away, rooster-head. I have other things to do."
He shrugged and stood up, sliding the door open. Megumi sighed and ran a hand through her hair, annoyance fading into worry. "Do be careful, Sanosuke. I mean it. If you abuse that hand too much, the bones will never recover."
He turned to look at her, and nodded. "I will. See you later, Fox." He grinned and winked before sliding the door shut behind him.
Megumi fumed, forcing herself not to throw something after him. Fox! Always Fox! What on earth is that supposed to mean? Why does he flirt with me like that?
Why does he talk to me at all?
She sighed, loosening her doctor's smock where it was tight around her stomach so that it would be easier to sleep in. She lay down on the cot, but found herself staring at the ceiling, unable to sleep.
Friends. Were they? What did she really know about Sanosuke? He knew all of her past history, all the most important things...but she knew nothing about him except that he had been a famous gangster before joining the Kenshin-gumi. They teased each other and pissed each other off, but almost never just talked. He had a serious side; she was sure of that. But it rarely emerged when she was around. Not that she saw him often--only at Kaoru's house, and when he came in to get his hand checked.
He was immature, hotheaded, stubborn beyond all imagining...but at the same time he was compassionate, however much he tried to hide the fact. He wasn't educated, but was still more insightful than anyone she'd ever met, except for Kenshin. And Sano was, in his way, as honorable as Kenshin. As kind.
I don't want his kindness, or his pity! If that's all it is, then he can just go to hell!
The thought caught her by surprise, both the vehemence and the expression. It was true; she didn't want anyone's pity. She'd made mistakes, and she would pay for them as best she could. Let those who couldn't forgive her, hate her; it was the least she deserved. And for those who forgave her...let them be friendly if they genuinely liked her, not because they felt sorry for her.
But sometimes it was hard to tell one from another. Particularly with Sanosuke and his constant teasing and bickering.
And sometimes...sometimes she wondered what he could possibly mean, teasing her the way he did. Sometimes, when she couldn't keep herself from blushing at his latest flirtatious remark, when she could almost see the sparks flying between them..."The sparks won't hurt you"...are you sure, oniisan?
"Go to hell"...if 'Kaasan had ever heard me say that, she'd have washed my mouth out with soap.
Okaasan...
Megumi squeezed her eyes shut, trying to force her mind away from the cycle of thought it was trapped in. Her past, her present, her fears, her mistakes...easier to stop the sun.
So much guilt...so much weight on my soul, on my honor. Even if I spent the rest of my life atoning for my sins, would it ever be enough? So much better if I ended my life honorably now...
But I promised Ken-san that I would live, to make amends for my past. I will keep my promise.
She sighed, rubbing her forehead with her hand. And Ken-san, Genzai-jiisan, Sanosuke, even Kaoru and Yahiko...would they ever forgive me, if I took such a route? I owe them my life. More than my life.
And...I couldn't bear it if he were disappointed in me.
She scowled, all at once not sure if "he" was supposed to mean Genzai-sensei, Kenshin or Sano. The promise had been made to Kenshin, and Genzai-sensei was her family now, and Sano was just an idiot who made her life confusing, but...
Idiot. That stupid, stupid, rooster-headed man. Why doesn't he just treat me like the rest of his friends? Then maybe I'd know for sure I was one of them.
Why did Genzai-jiisan let him in? she wondered suddenly. He
knows more about bones than I do, my specialty is herbs and medicine. Why
send Sano to me?
Unless Sano asked for me personally...
No, that's silly. Why should he? And even so, Genzai-jiisan knew I was
preparing to take a nap; he would have handled it himself.
Unless he's playing matchmaker again...
But her foster-grandfather worried about her, and often tried to encourage her to spend more time with people. Lately he'd even gone so far as to point out good-looking young men to her. It was irritating, even if it was also touching.
But Sano? Surely he'd never consider that...
Would he?
With that curious thought in mind, she drifted into sleep.
The sun was low in the sky by the time she awoke. It took a minute to shake off the disorientation of half-consciousness and realize what had wakened her; someone was knocking on the wall. "Megumi? Are you awake?"
Genzai-jiisan. "Yes, yes I'm awake," she called back, quickly standing and tightening her doctor's smock around herself once more.
The door slid open and the kindly doctor peered in. He looked exhausted. "Are you feeling better?"
"Yes, thank you. But you look as tired as I felt earlier. You should get some rest, Genzai-jiisan," she scolded him, moving towards the door. He stepped aside and let her enter the clinic proper. No one else was there; what few assistants they had were probably eating supper. "You can't wear yourself out. You should have woken me up if you were having trouble."
He smiled. "There wasn't anything serious. I'm just feeling my age today."
"Go home," she said firmly. "Get some rest. I'll stay here overnight in case a doctor is needed. Don't worry."
His smile widened. "That's very good of you, Megumi-chan. Thank you."
She shook her head. "It's the least I can do for you. Go on now."
"I will. Good night, Megumi-chan."
Megumi smiled at him. "Good night."
The clinic was very quiet after he left; there was no one currently needing assistance. Megumi used the time to finish the herbs she had been preparing and begin an inventory of the clinic's supplies; they were always running low on something or another. By the time she realized that she hadn't eaten since early morning and was starving, it was past sundown. She stood in the doorway, considering her options. Usually she kept food in a spare cupboard, in case it was needed for a doctor or for one of the patients. But today, the cupboard was empty; if she wanted food, she'd have to leave.
But I don't want to leave the clinic untended, not when there's been such a rash of accidents lately...what if someone needed a doctor and couldn't find me?
She hovered just outside the clinic, looking down the street towards the restaurant district of Tokyo, unwilling to leave and just as unwilling to spend the night hungry.
"Looking for me, Fox?"
Megumi jumped in surprise, then turned to glare at Sano, who was standing only a few feet away and grinning at her. "Stupid rooster! You nearly scared me half to death! What are you doing around here anyway?" She was sharper than usual, annoyed by his sudden appearance, but he seemed to take it in stride.
"Just on my way to the dojo to see Kenshin and Jou-chan. Want to come?"
She shook her head slowly, tempted. "I'd like to, but I have to stay here
to watch the clinic. Please give them my regards." Something occurred to
her. "Sano would you be willing to do me a favor? I haven't eaten since
breakfast. Would you ask Kaoru if I could borrow some rice? I'll repay her
later in the week by cooking, if she likes." She won't, she hates being
reminded of how terrible a cook she is. But Ken-san and Yahiko-chan would
probably appreciate it. And Kaoru's kind, no matter how much I tease her.
I'm sure she wouldn't mind.
But will Sano mind being sent on an errand for me?
"What'll you give me?" He grinned at her.
She glared right back. Figures. "I won't remind you of how much you'd owe us in doctor's bills if I actually charged you for all the times I've examined your hand."
Sano held up his hands in surrender. "Okay, okay. Just promise that you'll invite me when you cook; you're a hell of a lot better at it than Jou-chan."
He made a face, and Megumi couldn't help smiling. "If Kaoru and Ken-san don't mind, I won't. Thank you very much, Sanosuke. I'm sorry to inconvenience you."
He shrugged. "No trouble at all. I'll be back soon to give it to you."
"I'll be here," she said with a touch of frustration. Megumi loved her work, but sometimes it seemed she never spent any time away from the clinic.
Sano grinned back and went whistling on his way. Megumi remained in the doorway, watching him until he was out of sight. She knew it was foolish, and told herself that any minute he'd turn around and see her staring after him, but she couldn't help it.
Why do we tease each other like that?
Why do I care?
It wasn't because he'd helped her in the past even though he'd had ever reason not to. It wasn't because he was doing her a favor right now. It wasn't even because he was handsome, in a rugged sort of way.
What is it that draws me to him?
She shook her head, forcing her mind back on to more important things. Like the inventory, which needed to be finished by the following morning if they were going to get the necessary supplies. But she felt the minutes crawl by, the back of her mind still thinking about Sanosuke and her stomach thinking about dinner.
After perhaps half an hour, she gave up. She was too distracted to get any work done. She might as well just sit down and wait for--
"Sensei! Sensei!"
Megumi ran to the door and threw it open, looking with a sinking heart at the young boy who was racing down the street. He stopped at the door, his sides heaving as he struggled to catch his breath, his features drawn tight with urgency. Megumi placed her hands on his shoulders. "Another fire?" The boy nodded, still out of breath. His face was smudged with soot. "Where?"
"Akabeko--" he managed.
Megumi had already turned, picking up her emergency kit. "Go sit on the cot in the corner until you catch your breath. Were there people still trapped inside when you left?"
"I don't know, sensei."
The boy's face was worried and afraid. Megumi winced inwardly. They grow up so fast...we all do. She placed a hand on his head. "Rest for a moment, young man. I'll go directly. It will be all right."
He sighed with relief. "Thank you, sensei."
Megumi forced herself to smile at him, then left, abandoning all dignity and running down the street. Please, don't let me be too late... She tripped once, only barely keeping herself from falling; her sandals really weren't meant to be run in. Stupid, impractical things!
The Akabeko was only a few minutes away; she could see the light in the sky, smell the smoke, long before she got there.
She arrived to see an inferno and stopped dead in her tracks. This was the worst yet. The entire building was aflame; parts of the second floor had already collapsed inward, and it was obvious that there was no hope of saving the inn. Groups of people were clustered outside--some of them guests who had been ousted from their rooms, others townspeople desperately trying to keep the fire from spreading. A few people were exceptionally sooty, hands and faces and clothing blackened by smoke; Megumi guessed that they had run into the building to help those trapped inside. Offhand, she could see no serious injuries, but there were so many people that it was hard to tell. She asked person after person what the situation was, if there was anyone left inside or anyone with serious injuries, but no one seemed to know. Out of the corner of her eye she caught a glimpse of Kenshin, and she was rushing towards him when someone grabbed her arm. Megumi turned to find Tae, her kimono covered in soot and her face streaked with tears.
"Megumi-sensei!" Tae cried out in combined relief and hysteria. "Thank god! Thank god!"
"Are you all right? Is anyone still in there?" Megumi asked breathlessly, coming to a stop before the distressed innkeeper.
"Sagara-san and Himura-san have gotten most of the guests, but I can't find Tsubame-chan anywhere, and--"
Megumi was sprinting towards the building before Tae had finished Speaking. Her sandals tripped her, but she regained her balance and kicked them off automatically, running barefoot. She felt the heat several feet before she reached the ruined door. Don't think, don't think, don't think. The roar and sparking of flames filled her ears; she could only barely hear someone outside shouting her name. For an instant, Megumi was caught inside her nightmares, hearing her family's screams instead of the townspeople's. Don't think!
The instant passed; this was real, not imaginary. Megumi whipped the kerchief she used to keep her hair tied back off and wrapped it around her mouth. That, combined with shallow breathing, helped keep the smoke and heat from choking her. She had to squint to see through the flames.
The inside of the Akabeko was a shambles; fallen beams lay crossed on the ground, and the floor was charred. It was hard to see through the smoke and bright flames; acrid air choked her throat. All her senses were being overwhelmed, just as they were whenever she imagined...Don't think about that! A sixth sense made her run towards one of the back rooms, thanking god even as she did so that the second floor hadn't collapsed into the first yet.
Sure enough, huddled in a corner in back of the kitchen lay Tsubame. The girl had passed out, probably from breathing too much smoke. Even as Megumi rushed to pick her up and get out of there, her doctor's mind was making a clinical examination. Unconscious. Burned on the arms and legs, a bruise on her forehead. Probably she hit something when she fainted. Possible concussion. Watch out for that beam, you idiot, and get to the door!
There was a shock of cold air, and they were outside. Megumi's eyes were only beginning to readjust to the darkness, but she saw the blur of people that must include Tae and Dr. Genzai and ran towards them, the injured girl still clutched firmly in her arms. Her strength gave out, and she started to fall, suddenly feeling the pain in her arms and feet. Someone caught her up from behind, and someone else--Kenshin?--took Tsubame.
Megumi clenched her teeth tightly to keep from screaming; the soles of her feet were throbbing agonizingly. She'd been so intent on rescuing Tsubame that she hadn't noticed they'd been burned...so badly that she was completely incapable of standing, and was forced to place as much weight as she could on her supporter, emitting little cries of pain all the while. The person in question picked her up easily and carried her towards the group, then knelt and sat her on the ground. Her eyes were tightly shut, and her breath hissed; she focused on that. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in again. It went on forever, and she could not spare a thought for anything else until something cool was gently rubbed on the soles of her feet. The relief was overwhelming.
She opened her eyes to see Genzai-sensei carefully administering some ointment to her burns. Awareness of the rest of the world returned. "Tsubame-chan?" she croaked.
"She'll be fine," a rough voice said just above her head. With a shock, Megumi realized that she was leaning against something--or rather, somebody--warm, and that there were hands clasping her upper arms tightly. She smelled musk and sweat and smoke.
"Sanosuke?"
"What in the hell possessed you to go in there? And barefoot?"
His voice was growling in her ear; he sounded pissed off, as usual. She almost smiled. "Couldn't run in those damn shoes." Okaasan would be furious.
I don't care.
Dr. Genzai finished bandaging her feet and looked up at her seriously. "Well, now you can't run at all, Megumi-chan. These won't be able to support your weight for some time. Excuse me, I want another look at Tsubame-chan. Whatever you do, don't get up. Sagara-kun, please stay here and make sure she doesn't move."
She nodded, smiling at him gratefully. "I won't. Thank you, Genzai-sensei."
The doctor smiled briefly before returning to the cluster of people around Tsubame and Tae. Megumi and Sano were left sitting on the ground by themselves a little bit away. Sano's hands clutched at her a bit more tightly, and she realized that he was kneeling behind her so that she rested against him. She thought of saying something about how she was fine and he could let go now, but decided against it. It felt kind of nice to lean against him, even if she wouldn't have admitted it for the world. Her feet twinged with pain, and she flinched. "Mou, I won't be able to walk for weeks."
She heard muffled cursing and almost laughed, more with relief and hysteria than amusement. Sano moved so that he was sitting down beside her and glared at her fiercely. "You still haven't told me what in the hell you think you were doing. You coulda gotten killed in there; it's a miracle your clothes weren't set on fire, and damned if I know how you managed to run on those feet."
"I had to get her." Kei-niisan...did you see? I wasn't afraid.
"Idiot! I was about to head back in there when you pulled that stupid stunt! At least I was wearing shoes!"
His eyes were flashing with anger; she set her jaw and glared right back. "I don't care! I had to, I couldn't just stand by and watch it happen, not again..." To her horror, her eyes filled with tears. Her voice choked again, this time with sobs instead of smoke. She looked away quickly and lifted a hand to her face, wiping her eyes and struggling to maintain control of herself.
Sano sighed and wrapped his arms around her loosely, resting his forehead on hers. She went stiff at first, surprised beyond reaction, but relaxed into his embrace as he spoke. "You stupid fox. How often are you gonna make me worry like this? I tried to stop you, but Kenshin grabbed my arm. Probably bruised it, too. Stupid, stupid, stupid fox...you scared the hell out of me."
The words fell on her ears like rain, and all her barriers collapsed. With a sob, Megumi buried her face in Sanosuke's chest and burst into tears. He let her cry for a while, his arms still wrapped comfortingly around her. "It's okay, Fox," he said finally. "Shh." The tears slowed, then stopped; she was still shaking, and couldn't bring herself to pull away. With a gentleness she'd never seen in him, Sano lifted a hand and stroked her hair once, very lightly. "Megumi," he said in a quiet, relieved voice.
She let out a small laugh. "I don't think I've ever heard you say my name before. Onna-sensei, opium-woman, fox...you've called me just about everything except Megumi."
"Yeah." There was a pause. "Y'know why?"
"No." Not just to tease me?
"Didn't want anyone to hear the way I say your name."
She frowned, confused. "I don't understand."
His head bent down until his mouth was right next to her ear. His lips brushed the area just behind her earlobe, sending shivers down her spine. "Megumi," he whispered, his arms tightening around her.
She heard it; there was something about the way he said her name that made goosebumps rise on her skin, something about his voice that send a shock through her. His breath was warm on her neck, and she shivered again. "I didn't know," she whispered. "I didn't..." She floundered, trying to find words. I never imagined that you'd feel like that about me. He pulled away abruptly, looking off to the side.
"Why would you? I didn't want you to know," he said, almost bitter. "I'm a stupid street punk, remember? And you...you're sophisticated, intelligent, so beautiful I can barely stand t'look at you..." His voice trailed off. "Why in the hell do you ever waste your breath on an asshole like me?" he mumbled, not meeting her eyes.
His hands were clenched tightly on his knees, the right one still wrapped in the bandages she had put in place that morning. Had it only been that morning? It seemed a lifetime ago. She reached forward and took his hand in both of hers, gentling prying the fingers apart. She studied his open palm, running a finger along the small scar that she knew was hidden beneath the bandages. "You caught a knife in your hands for me." You walked through the fire for me. "Even though you had every reason to hate me, you did that."
"I never hated you," he said, voice low and rough.
Something deep inside of her unknotted. Her fingers trembled a bit as they twined with his, but her voice was firm. "You're not a stupid street punk, Sanosuke. I'm sorry I called you that. You're a good man, one of the best I've ever known, and I...I'm really glad to know you."
"You are?" He sounded surprised.
She nodded, and smiled at him. "Even if you are also an idiotic rooster-head."
He glared at her, then smiled despite himself. "I'm glad to know you too...even if you're a sly fox-lady."
She laughed; she couldn't be bothered by the nickname anymore, not now that she knew that he did...care for her. Now that she was sure that they were friends, he could call her anything he wanted. She laughed again, letting her happiness show.
He grinned back good-naturedly, then looked around. People had been gradually leaving for quite some time. Kenshin, Tae, and Genzai-sensei were still clustered around Tsubame-chan, who was awake and holding a hand to her head. Just then Kenshin glanced over, looking at the two of them questioningly. Sano flashed a thumbs-up sign at the rurouni, who looked relieved and turned his attention back to the injured girl. That settled, Sano stood. Megumi was disoriented for a minute by how much taller he was while she was sitting. She was more disoriented when he knelt down, placing one arm under her knees and one along her lower back, lifting her up easily.
"Sano!" she gasped, struggling. "What do you think you're doing?"
"Genzai-sensei told me to make sure you didn't move, right?" She nodded, staring up at him. He grinned. "So how're you gonna get home if I don't carry you?"
"But--but--but--"
"What, do you have any better ideas?"
"No, but--" But this is indecent! she wailed inwardly.
"Well then," he said with finality, his eyes gleaming at her. His voice lowered even further. "Besides, d'you know how long I've been waiting for an excuse t'get my arms around you?"
Megumi could feel herself blushing, and prayed that it was dark enough that he wouldn't be able to see. It did feel rather nice, being supported by him, and it was true that she'd never be able to make it home on her own. Sano's grin widened even further, and she glared at him, certain now that her blush was obvious. "I'll get you back for this," she muttered.
"I look forward to it." He was already walking away with her, towards the clinic. She hid her face in the space between his neck and shoulder-- Only so that no one will recognize me, she told herself indignantly. It'd ruin what little remains of my reputation if someone saw me being carried like this!
It was nice, though...his skin still smelled of smoke and sweat, and something else that was undeniably Sanosuke.
"You don't have to be strong all the time, Megumi."
She looked up at him, startled.
He was looking straight ahead--at the road, not at her. "You always try to be the strong one for the rest of us. For the entire bloody town, even. You don't always have to be, though. If you need somebody to lean on..." He swallowed, and she saw that his skin was flushed, as if he were blushing. "You don't have to keep yourself alone," he finished quickly.
She was too astonished to respond. Have I been? She thought about it
silently as they crossed the silent roads to the clinic. I wanted to be
respected as a female doctor. I want to make up for all the mistakes I've
made...I want to make sure I'm not going to be a burden to anyone ever
again. I want to be proud of who I am, to not have to depend on anybody.
But...maybe Kenshin and the others don't see me as a burden. Maybe they
wouldn't mind if I went to them for comfort, sometimes.
Maybe Sanosuke...
Maybe he's lonely too...?
Sano grunted quietly, and Megumi realized that they were walking up the small set of stairs that led up to her house. He paused in the doorway, and she reached out to slide the door open herself, since his hands were full.
He stepped through the doorway, then paused. "Which way?"
Megumi pointed to a door on the other side of the room, through which her futon could be glimpsed. He walked towards the futon and carefully placed her on it. She arranged herself in a more comfortable sitting position and stared at the wall blankly. Sano sat next to her, staring blankly at the other wall and rubbing his arms, which surely were feeling the strain of having carried a full-grown woman across town. The silence stretched out between them.
He shook his head slightly and began to stand. "Well. G'nite."
"Sano," she said suddenly, reaching out a hand and grabbing his arm. "Please stay."
He froze in that half-standing position, staring down at her. His eyes were very wide and very serious, but she could see the heat in their depths as she said that one, simple word. He took a deep breath. "Megumi..."
She heard the doubt in his voice and interrupted. "Please," she said quietly. "I don't want to be alone tonight, and...I want to be with you." Megumi took a deep breath, shaken to the core by what she was asking, what she was revealing. But her voice was steady. "Whatever happens. Stay."
He stood frozen.
"Please," she repeated. Please...
Sano closed his eyes, then stood entirely, pulling his arm out of her grasp.
He turned and walked away. Without a word.
Megumi's head bowed until her face was entirely hidden by her hair. She listened, but couldn't hear his footsteps; only the sound of her front door being closed. That was when the tears started. Only a few, only one or two, but she'd wanted...she'd...
"Megumi, are you sure about this?"
Her head jerked up to see him standing in her bedroom doorway once more, his hands clenched by his sides and his entire body tense. His eyes bored into hers, widening when he caught sight of the tears.
She smiled at him and held out her hands; he walked forward and took them, sitting beside her on the mattress. "Yes," she said. "If you want to be here." If you really feel everything I hear when you say my name...then it'll be all right.
He hesitated a moment longer, then let her pull him down on the bed beside her. She smiled again with satisfaction, and, as he was wrapping his arms around her and bringing his lips to hers, whispered, "Besides, how will I get out of bed tomorrow morning if you're not here?"
The kiss was interrupted by his laughter; he leaned up on one arm, looking down at her with desire and mischief. "I can think of worse things than keeping you in this bed for a week..."
She grinned at the innuendo and reached up her face to kiss him again, letting herself drown in a different kind of fire.
-chan: Little or cute. Usually used for children, especially
females, or for younger relatives.
-jiisan: Grandfather
-niisan: Older brother
-kaasan/Okaasan: Mother
-sensei: Doctor
onna-sensei: Doctor-lady
hai: yes
mou: a mild curse; sort of like "darn" or "drat" or "rats!"
yare yare: The best translation I've found is something like "Oh boy..."
ashfae@technicaldetails.org
http://www.ashfae.net