Disclaimer: First Chapter
Story Start!

"Hello, my name is Naruto Uzumaki, recently graduated High school, and recruited to save the world or some big thing by magic people, because I have absurd levels of magic... and I'm stuck in the bathroom."

He was Naruto Uzumaki, sarcastically hating himself.

He had grown up in a parentless household due to the fact that both of his parents had died before he was born.

Yes, before he was born.

Before his very first breath, his mother had passed away during the delivery and it was only by miracle that he survived her death. His father had died several months previous to that apparently, and he was apparently from the Uzumaki family of Mages or whatever. He didn't really care too much about his own family history, since other than inheritting his given and family names from his parents, he didn't know anything about them other than what he had heard from others.

He was born with blond hair and blue eyes, and he was Japanese.

Great combo, just perfect, but because of it he had faced bullying his entire life until he snapped, and he started to beat up anyone and everyone who bullied him. Sadly, that gave him a downright horrible reputation with others. People liked to claim he was "The Incarnation of Evil" and the "Fox Child" because of the whisker marks that he was born with.

"Yep, these damn things have caused me so much trouble... phew..." Naruto sighed as he sat on the toilet.

His stomach was fucked up at the moment.

Apparently, something he ate did NOT agree to him, and now he was missing a whole lot of stuff that was going to be taking place on his first day at this place.

Chaldea.

He was hired to become something like a hero, but he was going to be learning about most of that stuff in the orientation. The orientation that he was missing at the moment because of his stomach issues.

The Average Adult Mage apparently had something called Od, which Naruto understood to be magical energy. The average adult magus had about 25 units of the stuff, but he had enough that just a basic magical scan of Japan allowed them to find him. His Od was calculated as being worth over 9,000,000,000 units of magical energy. Though, just because he had that much didn't mean he could use that much. He didn't understand the importance of it, but apparently every mage was born with a maximum output that didn't exactly match their grand total of magical energy.

His magical energy, naturally, surpassed a Holy Grail.

"Whatever that is... still don't really understand it. Servants, Holy Grail Wars, stuff that doesn't make sense, and would no doubt make more sense if I was at the orientation thing... ooooooh... stomach pain." Naruto groaned in annoyance, leaning forward and grasping his stomach in pain. "... what did I eat, 100% laxative!?" Naruto asked as he waved a hand in front of his face.

The fucking smell.

He did not envy the person who entered this bathroom next.

*BOOM*
*CRASH*

"... Jesus... was that my asshole that did that?" Naruto felt a LOT of shaking in the building, which just so happened to coincide with a strangely rough shit. He felt the vibrations down to his bones, to the point that he would be kind of proud if he took a shit so hard that he blew up some plumbing and made the building shake. At the same time, he kind of doubted that was him. "I should go and... ooooh... nope... can't check it out... can't leave this bathroom." Naruto groaned in pain.

The Hero in him wanted to go and help with whatever was going on, but the sad fact was that as much as he wanted to help out, he was currently trapped. The world didn't need a hero who was shitting his pants, this was some kind of high-tech and high-magical place though.

He was sure that somebody, who wasn't currently dying from crapping, could handle whatever was going on at the moment.

"Now, some serious self-reflection needs to happen... what the hell did I eat that did this to me?" Naruto asked as he crossed his arms.

Oh, right.

A combination of weird foods that he pigged out on, because he was celebrating graduating high school and decided to go on a food bender. Then in the middle of it he was recruited by weird people, and now he was destroying the plumbing of this fine establishment.

He was a natural destroyer of things.

"Faces, people, places, things, and now toilets... I need to hurry up and find out what is going on out there. Those sound like alarm sirens." Naruto could hear a lot of noise blaring at max volume. If anything, it was making it harder for him to finish his business. "Oh hi, my name is Naruto, sorry that I couldn't help you guys out when you needed me, I was stuck in the bathroom with an angry ass." Naruto sarcastically complained about his own situation.

-Several Hours Later-

"There is another Master left!?"

"Oh shit dude, what the hell happened in here!?" Naruto asked as he walked into a room full of a few people. There were half-dead people everyone, and a TON of fully dead people as well. He wasn't exactly a stranger to dead bodies, he had seen a few of them before, but it looked like parts of the building had collapsed.

The doctor of the place grabbed his shoulders.

"Where were you? We thought that we only had 1 Master left." Romani asked as he gripped Naruto's shoulders. "... I mean, I'm happy you're safe and sound, but you're very lucky to be alive at all. Also, you're unharmed, that is good. Either way, just to be safe, you should see him in the medical station."

Naruto scratched the back of his head nervously.

"Uh... do you need to know where I was?"

"Yes, it's important-"

"-I was in the bathroom with a very upset stomach... seriously, don't go in there right now." Naruto nervously scratched the back of his head even faster than before as he explained it out loud. Now that he was saying it to somebody else, he felt a lot dumber than before. "... can we keep this a secret between the two of us."

...

"Heh... heheh... heh..." Romani started to cry a few tears as he attempted to hold back his laughter. The happiness on his face, the relief, and the utter stupidity of it all fused into just a big urge to laugh. "... Well... your clogged drains saved your life. Currently, Mash and Fujimaru are resting. Mash is a Demi-servant and Fujimaru is a Master like you... when they are done resting after the stress they faced today, I'll explain everything to you properly." Romani spoke as he firmly grasped Naruto's shoulders, and his eyes showed genuine hope.

"Uh... are you okay?"

"Two Masters... Chaldea still has two masters... overall, things are looking better for us than I first thought. Of course, that is... if you still want to work with us."

"Of course, I never give up. I accepted this place when you recruited me, and I won't abandon you... but seriously keep it a secret that I survived... whatever this accident was... because of my upset butthole." Naruto was happy to become a hero for these people, but he didn't want his hero reputation to be ruined before it even started. It would be best if he could keep that between them.

Actually, why did he even tell the truth in the first place!?

"I won't tell a soul."

"Take it to your grave."

Naruto was serious.

Chapter End!
Please Leave Me Lots of Nice Long Reviews, But No Flames Please!