Chapter 6: The Unforgiven

"Call me Escalator because I let people down."

— 11 —

You: Now you're getting it!

I sent the text and let out a breath. I didn't really know what it was we were talking about, Blake and I. But it gave me that distinct impression that I was helping with something. A major step up for me from any point in these last couple months. I smiled faintly, remembering a time when I tried to ask Blake for help and she had entirely misinterpreted it as me trying to ask her out. It was part of the reason why I had to let her know no homo here. But it was a nice distraction, getting a chance to talk to her. I did want to know what was going on but if she wasn't about to directly volunteer the information then I knew enough about boundaries to let that sleeping dog lie. Or that napping cat, I supposed.

Saffron saw me in the rear view mirror and turned to give me a knowing look. "I know that kind of smile. Texting a girlfriend?"

And there I was, back in the real world. Dealing with two sisters I barely knew, as a prelude to an entire family I had no idea about. Blake had been a good distraction. Some kind of drama back home to focus away on the drama upcoming.

"I don't shit where I eat," I said with a shrug.

That got a confused look from her. "What?"

It had actually been a policy of mine back in the Army. You stay away from your fellow girls in uniform. It was like workplace drama to get involved with them, except with a couple more guns and routers involved. Ignoring, for the fact, that the majority of people who had my job were all male. I had no interest in trying to date or sleep with any of them.

I waved a hand at Saffron. "Girls I go to school with. Teammates. I'm not about that at all."

Saffron looked somehow troubled by my reaction. Like somehow the way I replied was entirely incorrect from what she had expected. Maybe I was supposed to go full on anime boy, and act panicked and nervous and deny everything. Is that what the original Jaune would have done? Was I already failing to play my role as Jaune Arc? She nudged Indigo.

"What, what?" Indigo asked, gripping the steering wheel tightly. "Don't distract me, this snow is bad. Look, we're almost there."

With one final look, Saffron turned back forwards. "If you say so. I just—my friends used to tease me about the way I was smiling whenever I texted Terra. My girlfriend, that is, back in Argus. Thought it would be funny if I had, I don't know, some niece or nephew coming up I didn't know about. I was thinking maybe I'd be the first."

Indigo briefly glanced at her. "How's two girls gonna have a kid? Adopt?"

Saffron grimaced. "That's a marriage thing first. I mean, I like Terra, but, I don't know, that seems like a big commitment. To say nothing of trying to figure out how a kid would factor into any of this." She looked down at her lap. "Gotta wonder what Dad would say. I already feel bad enough about leaving Terra back there. I think I was trying to force the family and her to get along, but the more I think about it…" She shrugged it off. "I'm sure it'll be fine. Jaune, I bet you'll like her."

I made a non-committal noise. I really didn't have much else to say in the matter. If she were someone like Blake or Weiss, I might have had something to add. I cared about them, but not exactly about my sister's relationship drama. It all felt so beyond me. Like a random stranger trying to tell me their life story, even though I knew this wasn't the case. She was supposed to be my flesh and blood.

The more I thought about this, the worse I felt. I let Aura seep into my eyes, a low burn, and kept them shut. Letting the feeling of protection, however vague, comfort me. If we got into an accident now out in the snow, I'd probably be fine, and the two girls with me would be dead. It was a weirdly intrusive, morbid thought, that.

Indigo pulled off the road and parked. All the snow in the air made it hard to judge the time. And given this was a winter solstice, I had to wonder how many hours of daylight we'd actually get today. It depended a lot on latitude and the Earth's rotation back home, but here on Remnant? It was anyone's guess, I supposed. Almost as much of a guess as it was trying to figure out what the house looked like through all the snow.

Once upon a time, the show the Simpsons had depicted a family that was supposed to be lower middle class at best. An average American household not doing too terribly well. As the years went on, what used to be perceived as just barely above working class had elevated, despite their circumstances not changing in the least bit. Owning a house with a couple of bedrooms stopped being lower middle class. Those same exact economic circumstances went from good middle class, upper middle class, to finally a fairly luxurious standard of living for the average American as standards of living collapsed over the decades. And as I looked at the house, I couldn't help but get that same kind of feeling. Once upon a time, the house hadn't been too terribly much, but time had made it something better. Something passed down through generations, I had to imagine. It looked a little more designed-by-committee than Taiyang's house, and somehow less personable as a result. A small two-story cottage of sorts that was still probably more property than I'd ever be able to own in any life of mine.

Indigo and Saffron were already getting out of the car, buttoning up their jackets tightly. I followed shortly after, keeping my Aura up to avoid feeling the cold. By the time I made it to the trunk, Indigo had already sprinted to the front door. I gave her a little wave, implying I'd be there in a few. Not that I was exactly eager to get there for one reason or another.

I popped the trunk and grabbed my bag, hefting it over my shoulder. Saffron waited for me a little longer, but even she didn't like it out here enough to wait for me to make the walk over there at a leisurely pace. Already I could hear the cheering from inside, sounding like a dozen voices all chatting excitedly. And all of it gave me the feeling that I was intruding, like this was about to be a home invasion instead of a holiday.

There was a window in the front yard. Too dark for them to really see me outside, without a porch light or anything, and just enough for me to look into the living room. Girls. So many blonde girls. I couldn't recognize any of them, but yet felt like I knew all of them. They all looked like me on some level. Some with glasses, two of which looked like twins especially. People I just couldn't place my finger on, but could broadly guess who they were. Saffron went up to and hugged a darker skinned girl who I had to presume was Terra. I suppose at least no one here had trouble with interracial relationships between humans. Maybe race really just wasn't a thing among mankind here, too busy with external things like faunus.

"Hey, I thought you were bringing Jaune, Indie," a woman said, looking older than the rest. A little pudgier. Mom? Speaking of, where was the man who had to be my father?

Indigo held up her hands placatingly. "Oh, he's just outside getting his stuff and busy slowly making his way over here. You'd think he doesn't want to be here."

Mom frowned, looking thoughtful.

"Well, we'll need someone to make sure these outfits look good!" a girl holding a wine glass said, and laughed. A couple of my sisters joined her. Until the original girl gave Indigo a face. "What's that look for? What's up?"

Indigo rubbed her hands together, an uncomfortable air about her body language. "Just, be cool, okay? He's apparently some big scary Huntsman now and, well, you'll see. A little different, a little more grown up. Fuck with him at him at your own caution."

"Oooh!" the girl with the glasses said. "Does he have some kind of fancy new outfit? He better be carrying that sword he stole. Tell me, tell me!"

I compressed a sigh. I could either just stand out here in the cold all night staring at people I didn't know, or I could go in there, and pretend I'd known them my entire life. Neither of my options felt palatable, but at least in there was warm.

I turned the knob. Everyone inside sounded so excited. With one last breath, I opened the door and stepped inside.

"Jau—!" a girl said, rushing up to me. Only for her to come up short, her arms raised to hug me, but just staring. Her excitement died in her throat. She adjusted her dyed-brown hair. "Jaune?"

I look up at the rest of the room. No father in sight. Just nearly a dozen pairs of eyes looking my way. No one was talking. The drinking had stopped, so did the laughter, and I felt like I'd just ruined the holiday. One girl took off her glasses to rub them as if in disbelief. Terra, the only who didn't know me, looked around, deeply confused. Behind most of them, Indigo forced a smile and gave me a weak thumbs up.

Maybe this was all my fault. Crocea Mors on my arm and XO at my hip. I had chosen to don my armor for this, the little plates over my body. The one over my chest was still wracked with buckshot from the Dust store robbery, and everything looked a little combat damaged from Grimm and exercise. I was holding my bag over my shoulder with my left arm, showing off the tattoos. None of the details slipped them as they all studied me.

My eyes went to the oldest woman here, a woman with crows feet holding a cup of hot eggnog. I spread my hands and said as cheerily as possible, "Hey look, ma, I made it."

That seemed to do it. The girl who'd stopped came up and hugged me, a warm, comforting feeling. "Gods, you look so awful!" she said with a laugh.

Mom made a choking sound and came up to me, smiling. "Look at you, Jaune. Just—look at you!"

"Why's everyone just focused on how I look? I can also act. Been learning how to sing and play guitar."

"Yeah, but have you seen yourself?" She grabbed me in a hug, joining my brunette sister. She was careful not to spill her cup.

"I try not to," I said. "Too many scars. People and monsters keep trying to kill me."

Her smile was a little more pained. "I can see that. And that, uh, the y'know." She made a gesture to my tattoos. "And so strong looking."

"Yeah. But everything been comin' up aces my way." I winked. "You ain't gotta worry you none."

The questions and greetings came all at once from the rest of the room. I looked around, trying to figure out who to reply to first. After I pulled off the girls hugging me. "Hol' up, hol' on," I said, holding up my hands and trying to laugh. It came out as an awkward sound. "Lemme put my stuff down first. Anyone remember where my room is?"

"You forgot?" a girl said, and drank from a wine glass. She laughed into it.

I shrugged helplessly. "Well, y'know what they say: the past is a foreign country." I rapped my knuckle against my head. "Took a good few knocks from a good few monsters and bits of buckshot. Lemme relax a bit and take my boots off before I start acting the prodigal brother."

"What does that even mean?" Glasses said.

"Dunno. Picked it up from all my Huntsmen friends," I said. "Completely ruined my accent. You know I'm team leader, and one of my members is a damn heiress from Atlas?" I shook my head, smiling. "But for real, my old room?"

— 12 —

"Holy shit," I said, talking to the brunette beside me. I set the bag down on the bed and just marveled. "I can't believe I used to sleep in a fucking racecar bed. I should bring this back with me to school. Be drowning in pussy with this whip."

The girl, Hazel apparently, just gave me a kind of look. "Does everyone swear this much in Beacon?"

I shrugged. "Nah, just something I picked up from Indigo."

"How come that doesn't surprise me?"

"Kind of a verbal tic at this point for me. Ain't like I'm gonna repent for it at this point, though, so tough titty." My eyes looked over the other beds in the room. Three more, one being a bunk bed. Reminded me a lot of Team BASS's room.

"I remember when we all started moving out," Hazel said with a reminiscent sigh. "You were so happy to start getting more room on your own."

"Yeah," I said, running a finger over the bunk bed. It was dusty. "Can't jerk off with people watching me."

She snerked. "Gods, you really did take a couple knocks to the noggin' at Beacon, huh?"

"You got no idea, Hazel," I said, elbowing her. She was a bit of a bony girl, thin in that kind of way. Cut her hair short and put her in a baseball cap and she might be a passing boy. Minus how she was a little too short and wore a bit too much perfume. "Speaking of, you know where the old man vamoosed off to?"

"Dad?"

"You know any other boys living here?"

Hazel ran her fingers through her hair. "Out back working the smoker for dinner. Trying to make ribs."

Suddenly, I couldn't blame him. Me and my old man operated a smoker on his back porch too. I remembered winning a four-day pass from the Army and going back home one Spring, and we just spent hours smoking ribs, wings, and burgers together. All the while struggling to understand how I was trying to avoid drinking. My whore of a grandmother had shown up and she'd been all about the margaritas while I grew slowly more upset. I couldn't tell if it was from how much I didn't want to drink, or how much I did.

"Think he's still upset you ran off with the sword," Hazel said, shaking me from my thoughts. She flicked the sheathed weapon on my arm.

"I licked it and by the laws of this land, that makes it my Crocea Mors. The yellow death belongs to Jaune alone." I nodded sagely.

"And that hot pink gun?" she teased.

"Stole it from the lost and found," I said.

"Wait, no shit? Who loses a gun?"

"Dunno. But so long as it ain't nailed down or on fire, it's mine," I said. "And in cases like that, that's why I carry a crowbar and fire extinguisher." I looked out the bedroom window. "I think I'm gonna go find Dad and have a talk. Maybe help with the smoker."

Hazel gave me a look, hands behind her back. "You sure that's smart?"

"If it was smart, I wouldn't be all for it," I said, rolling my eyes.

"I mean, I hear he was pretty pissed you left like you did," she said. "Indigo pretty much made magic getting you to show. We all were, y'know, pretty sure you wouldn't. Just, poof! Off to be a Huntsman or whatever Dad used to."

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "Probably shouldn't have, Hazel."

She took her time replying. "Why's that?"

"I get the feeling, like, when you're at one of those extended family gatherings and you gotta pretend to be close with a bunch of people you feel you barely know or so."

Hazel shook her head slowly. "No. We don't have an extended family, Jaune. It's Mom, Dad, and us. And you're a part of that, too."

Oh, that. I waved a hand. "Metaphorical. I've seen it in books. I mean, y'all my blood, but what I been through these past few months." I shook my head. "Ask Indie. She's been the one there for me. Hard to relate."

All her motions seemed slowly, calculated. As if she were thinking through every muscle contraction, every angle. "I guess there's a reason Dad never talked about his time as a Hunter. The stuff you've seen." She reached up, fingers tracing the buckshot wounds in my armor. "Things that have been done to you. Am I on the money, Jaune?"

"You a therapist now?"

She laughed, some of the tension loosening. "Gods, no. I switched my major to education ages ago. I get to start teaching this spring!"

I patted her hair, which only made her frown. "That's the spirit. Go teach kids to suck eggs and report Daddy to the thought police."

"Ha! As if. I'm helping with special needs children. I know all about that." She winked, poking my cheek. "I've got lots of practice growing up."

I pushed her hand away. "I'm especial needs."

"What's the difference?"

"It's like the competitive esports equivalent. And I don't do anything I ain't finna be best at." I put my fists on my hips, beaming at her. Just trying to get a laugh, which I believe I got.

"Gods, never change, Jaune. You might be trying to look all tough, but you're still the same idiot as ever. 'Cept how Beacon really did ruin your accent."

"Tell me about it."

"I'll assign you an essay to read about it instead?"

I gave her a playful shove, going for the door. "Fucking teachers. Not even once."

— 13 —

Out back. Outside on the rear porch. That's where Dad was. The man who, even thinking of him, made my heart seize up. I couldn't tell if it was me, or one of the other people in my head. I passed a hallway mirror and paused, looking at my reflection. A clean-shaven Jaune with messy hair over his eyes like a hentai protagonist looked back out at me, offering me an apologetic smile. It wasn't me, not anymore. Not how I looked. But it was the boy I'd met in detention and practiced guitar with.

"You sure you're not angry I'm wearing you like a pair of borrowed gloves?" I asked. "Because I could use some angry advice on dealing with our family here."

No response.

"Or, what, you just gonna show up as a stress-induced psychosis? Because I'm gucci, mane. No stress here at all. At least last time you helped me play guitar!"

Nada.

For a half-second, I wondered if that was how I did look. It was a nonsensical feeling. The kind of anxious worries you had when you went through airport security, and this little part of you wonders if maybe you did sneak on a gun and just forgot about it. But when I touched my face, and the reflection mirrored me, everything felt normal. Or, as normal as I had fucked it all up.

"Yo, fuckface, why you just talking to yourself in the mirror like a creep?" Indigo asked, coming into the hallway with a bottle of beer. She'd lost her jacket and was down to something showing enough skin to be worthy of any Beacon Huntress.

I reached for my nose. No blood this time. When I looked back up, my reflection was my own, short beard and hair and all. I shook my head. "Trying to psyche myself up. Dad's out there."

Indigo froze in place. "Oh."

"Yeah."

She took a pull, fingers tapping on the bottle. "He's… been out there all morning."

"You'd think he'd want to see his only boy," I said, with a bit more force than I intended.

Indigo grit her teeth and took a breath. "I… don't think you should go out there."

"Why?"

"Because if he's giving himself some time, he's not ready to see you." She walked up and flicked my forehead. "You know how Dad is; don't be an idiot."

I didn't have anything to say about that.

"That's why you're carrying the sword, right?" she asked sharply. "You're afraid he'll take it back. That he still has the power to decide your future. He'll just take it and you won't be able to fight him. Tell me I'm wrong. I've never seen you without it since you left."

I looked at my hands, the scars on my knuckles, and the sword I had sheathed on my left arm. She wasn't exactly wrong, but she wasn't right, either. I didn't know anything about my supposed father. In a real sense, I didn't even know why I was always packing heat. Back in basic training, we had been required to carry around our M16s at all hours of the day. You slept with them, you ate with them, and you lived and breathed with a rifle at your side. The day we had been allowed to turn them in and move on to our next stage of life, I had been thrilled to no longer have to watch for and care for a rifle everywhere I went. They hadn't even issued me a rifle when I got into the real Army. I just occasionally saw one at range day and spent about two hours getting the sight picture right so I could actually hit something. Here? I didn't know what compelled me to always carry a weapon on me, either my pistol or my sword, or more likely both. I slept with them. Hell, I took showers with them. I had the imprint of a strap to Crocea Mors permanently affixed into my arm at this point, with a little spot for them in my tattoo framework.

I had to wonder how much of my desire to keep the sword on me was myself, and which part was Jaune. He had told me that we were still the same person, just that this current version that I lived was an exaggerated version of himself. How much of him was me, how much of me was him? Maybe he was right, and there really wasn't any functional difference.

Indigo went up to me and took my hand. "C'mon," she said softly. "Let's go watch holiday specials and drink eggnog and socialize. Just have a fun, normal holiday until Dad calms down enough and shows his face." She reached up and flicked me on the beard. "At least what's under those beards that both of you are trying to grow."

Reluctantly, without being able to say any words, I nodded. She didn't let go of my hand. Instead, she led me back up the hallway away from the rear porch.

Mom stood up sharply as I got back into the living room. "Hey, there you are, Jaune! Here, I got you something." She held out to me a coffee cup filled with eggnog and winked. "I mean, we already had some, but I know you always like it for the Holiday. Our little secret."

Indigo released me to go back to mingling with our sisters. Meanwhile, I took the cup, examining it.

"Is this alcoholic?" I asked.

Mom looked confused. "I—well, yeah." She made herself smile, gesturing at her rosy cheeks. "All the egg and cinnamon and whatever gets you off the world. I don't know what's in eggnog. Always did want to learn how to make it, but I guess." She shrugged the thought away.

I gazed down into the cup, at the beige liquid within. It reminded me of the dead blood from the pit of the stomach. For the longest time, I'd been craving a drink. Something to finally take my mind off everything. I'd gone through withdrawals and nearly died if not for Ruby taking me to the hospital. And I probably would have bought more even with the restrictions against me if I had the money back when. But then things had changed.

I shook my head and handed the cup back. "No," I said hoarsely. "I don't—I don't drink. It's just empty calories and carbs."

She looked like she didn't really have an answer to that. As if I had thrown her off her game. Slapped her in the face in a way she couldn't really argue with. "But you always—"

Pressing the cup into her hand for her to take back, I said, "Please. I really don't want to."

Mom stared at me for a long moment, eyes slowly narrowing with confusion. Giving me the sense that I was in the wrong here for not drinking. "Okay, sweetie. Can I get you something else? We have some sarsaparilla, &mp'd Up, er, water?"

I recognized one of those as a brand of amphetamine cola, Amped Up but spelled with some brand symbol. And I thought it somehow odd that they had sarsaparilla in this world. "I only drink water, black coffee, and battery acid. So unless you've got some double A's in the fridge, I'll just take some water."

"Someone talking about my chest!?" a sister gasped, and laughed.

Another of my sisters walked by and grabbed the cup. "Well, if he doesn't want it, I'll take it!"

I didn't object. Mom just slowly retreated into the kitchen to pour me a glass. With a sigh, I found an empty spot on the couch next to Terra and sat down.

"Oh, hi, Jaune!" she said, cheeks rosy, and adjusted her glasses. She took another pull of wine from her glass. "You have so many sisters! I feel like I don't know anybody here and I've been here for like a day."

I cast my eyes out, fixing on Indigo. She was unwrapping a piece of candy using only her tongue for effect. The sister she was showing off to just rolled her eyes.

"I know what you mean," I said, drumming my fingers on my shield. "You get this many people together, you can't focus on any of them. It's why people group together in like threes or fours at most. More than that, and nobody can get in a word edgewise. Can't really get to know a crowd like you can an individual."

"That's deep."

"More like drowning in the kiddie pool."

She reached over to the bottle of wine on the coffee table and filled her glass. "Y'know, that happened to me once back in Argus. I was a lifeguard over the summer one time. No less than three little kids kept trying to die in the shallow water and I just couldn't figure out how something could be that dumb. And then I thought, that was me once. And then I thought, oh crap! I want kids, and they're probably going to try to kill themselves too! So anyways, I think we should ban swimming pools." She gave me a dopey smile.

Saffron came over and sat down on the arm of the couch, looking at us. "So, you do want kids?"

Terra winked. "I mean, it's basically like having pet semen around. Mom would never let me have a dog, so this is the next best thing."

"Oh gods!" Saffron said, cheeks flush with embarrassment.

Terra leaned forwards, her eyes mischievous. "I mean, if you ever wanted to, maybe we can get your brother to be the dad. Keep it in the family."

I snorted. "We both know that basically just means asking me to jerk off into a turkey baster. I won't be fooled by your tricks."

The woman laughed, running her fingers through her dark hair. Looking at Saffron, she said, "Well, we've had worse ideas for sex toys in the past."

"Terra!" Saffron exclaimed with a laugh, covering her face with her eyes. "Are you already drunk?"

"I prefer to think of myself as adequately quenched. Got to find some way to get wet here, eh, eh?"

Indigo walked by and casually punched Terra in the arm. "Yo, high five me for that one!"

Terra did.

Saffron shook her head, still covering her hand with her eyes. "Indigo, did you put her up to this?"

Indigo looked around. "I mean, I can't legally say one way or the other. But it would be hilarious."

"I hate you so much," Saffron laughed.

Mom returned with a wine glass filled with water. "Here," she said, offering me the glass. "What's so funny? What did I miss?"

I said, "Terra and me are working out which of the two of us are going to become the first members of our family to have kids. Thinking it might be both at the same time. Because—"

Saffron lunged forwards to clamp her hands over my mouth, her body spilled over Terra's lap. "No, no please! Not another word, I'm begging you."

Hazel stood in front of us, one hand on her hip. "What, kids now? Jaune, do you have a girlfriend or something and've been keeping it a secret from your big sisters?"

I nodded. "Oh absolutely. We're very close. I'm so loyal to her that I only watch gay porn just to avoid other women."

Indigo laughed, leaning over behind me on the couch. Mom just looked troubled.

"I thought you said you were single," Saffron said, still half-collapsed on the couch in Terra's lap. Her girlfriend idly stroked her hair with one hand, drinking wine with the other.

"Oh, is Jauney boy finally getting into girls?" a sister said. "This I gotta hear!"

"Damn, does this mean I lost the bet!?"

Glasses-sister rolled her eyes, looking back at us from where she'd been sitting in front of the fireplace. "If he's got a girl, then all womankind has failed. Our standards have all dropped to dust. I'll start making the tombstones."

I drank my water. "Been into girls for a hot minute."

"First girlfriend, what was her name? You were single all the while I lived here."

"I don't know," I said with a shrug, staring into my cup. The water was too clear to show any reflection. Only the glass had anything, reflecting the firelight.

"So you're lying! Dammit, so I lost the bet!"

I couldn't tell who was talking. Everyone just sounded the same. And most everyone looked the same. I was slowly becoming the center of attention again, and I found myself shrinking back into the couch away from the score of girls who all felt half my height.

"No, I—it doesn't matter," I said uncomfortably. "Slept with her, can't remember her name. Rachael, maybe? I don't know. Been with a few girls, and some I don't think I ever got their names. Others, I don't know, one I just remember as that sentient pile of red flags instead of anything. Learned that it really don't matter. It's just sex, y'know? Who cares."

There was a bit of quiet, and again, that feeling I fucked up. This wasn't what Jaune would say. It was me. The part of me that was probably in a really unhealthy place mentally.

Only Terra, the girl meeting me for the first time, didn't seem to notice. "You sound like someone who had his heart broken."

"A good couple times. Think I broke more, though. So it all evens out somewhere along the line." I made a flippant gesture, self-consciously trying to return the mood to what it was before. Smiling, I said, "I mean, as of late, I miss having sex, but at least I don't want to die anymore, so that's pretty neat. Too focused on trying to kill monsters and making friends."

"You wanted to die?" Mom asked quietly.

Still behind me, Indigo put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed.

I gave an over the top shrug. "I don't know. Suicide didn't pan out. Nor did the near lethal alcohol withdrawal. Getting cancer from the nicotine I've found myself hopelessly addicted to is still decades away, too. Now I just throw myself into the fight and the Huntsman life." I smiled. "Turning misery into productivity. Ain't no more worthy an opponent than life itself."

"Jaune, I…" Mom tried. A good few of my sisters were looking away.

Indigo squeezed tighter. Until it hurt. I had to shrug her off. When she reached for me again, I had to slap her hand away and stand up. Just to get away from her and Mom.

Fuck. Self-deprecating suicide humor was all the rage on Earth. I was a zoomer with a couple suicidal thoughts over the years like anyone else raised in the post 9/11 world. I was misreading the crowd, terribly. I ground my teeth for a moment, buying time to think by drinking the last of my water.

"Look," I said, holding my hands up and laughing. "Can we not dig into my many traumas and psychoses and the way I've pathologized myself? It's ruining the damn holiday I'm trying to pretend to enjoy."

"Is… is it something I'm doing? Why do you have to pretend?" Mom asked. "Is it the drinking? Dad? Jaune, it's okay, you can talk to me."

I just backed away, hands still up. "No. I have a therapist I'm fucking with for that kinda thing. Momma, I'm a Huntsman, a killer. Two quarters and a heart down and that's how it be. Can't tell you anything that wouldn't make it worse. So can we just pretend I hadn't accidentally made this all about me? Look, you're upsetting, uh." I bumped into a girl and pushed her forwards. "This sister. This one right here. What's-her-name, you're ruining her day. For shame!"

Indigo folded her arms, looking away unhappily. Saffron looked at a loss, her eyes meeting her girlfriend's.

Mom just stood there, mouth slightly open. She tried to speak and failed. Before she sucked everything in and gave me the worst smile I'd ever seen in my life. "Okay, Jaune. You're right. I'm sorry this topic came up. I, uh, I can get you another drink?"

"I can do it myself," I said.

"But I'd really like to."

"I'm good!" I snapped, and then realized what I was doing. I met eyes with the girls willing to meet mine, before shaking my head. "I'll be in the kitchen. Sorry, uh, yeah. Fuck I didn't mean to ruin the mood. Was trying to be funny."

"Yeah. Funny. Ha. Ha ha!" Mom tried, tugging at a strand of her hair. Her crow's feet made her look so ancient in the moment.

I couldn't bear to watch. I slipped into the kitchen to get more water. And just stood there for minutes, waiting for people to start talking again. To get back into the spirit I'd ruined by being a self-centered asshole who didn't know how to properly be a Jaune to the people who knew him best.

Jesus Christ.

I sat the glass down and just held my face, letting the water run. Conversation was coming so slowly back to the living room. I could hear the crackle of the fire more clearly than them. Just whispers for the most part. Anxious and unhappy. The only voice I didn't hear was Mom's. Fuck me, man. How'd I let Indigo convince me to do this? What made me think this was a good idea?

Sure, I guess I did have a sort of familial affection for Indigo. We'd been together for a couple things. She'd stood up for me against Ozpin. She'd cried over me. Belittled and made fun of me as only a sibling could. But everyone else? Terra was the only girl out there I felt vaguely real with, and that was because she didn't know me or anyone else, same as myself. Everyone was just a face I was supposed to love, but didn't, but couldn't.

Maybe I could have just stayed home. Home. This was Jaune's home, not mine. I belonged… I don't fucking know. Beacon, I had to guess. With my team. With Blake and Weiss and Shamrock, trying to be the leader and friend they deserved. Where I could argue fashion and leadership with Coco. Talk shop with the soldiers in the CCTS tower and watch them argue whose army was better. Go to the gym with Cardin and try to convince him to work on his cardio.

Anything, so long as it wasn't this.

Then everything was silent. Unreasonably so. More so than I had left them.

"No, Nick, no!" Mom said from the other room. "I've got this. I'm okay. We're all okay, Nick, please!"

I reached for my Aura, letting it wash over me in a full cowling. Letting the feeling give me comfort. And in that moment, reaching for my soul, I felt another strong presence. Like the sensation of being near the emptiness of a Grimm. I didn't know if that was all in my head, or…

Heavy bootfalls echoed through the kitchen. Slow and ponderous. I shut off the water and let them approach. My heart was pounding up into my throat. None of the girls were big enough to make that sound. None of them were even wearing shoes.

I spun around to face him, the man of the household. Nicholas Arc.

"Boy," Dad said like it was a curse, his eyes like steel, his beard professional and sharp. His body like an old veteran who'd never truly left the fight behind. I felt myself swallowing, shrinking under his gaze. "I don't appreciate what you're doing to your mother."