The morning after the incident at the mental hospital, he had come to her. He brought her breakfast and arnica for her neck. That was the first time he kissed her. He didn't say much. He didn't have to. He left before anything more could happen - but had returned a couple of times afterwards, again, with breakfast or coffee or pastries. Once with fresh fruit, which she found odd, but endearing. They shared kisses and both began to open up a little more. He told her how 'very important' and 'precious' she was to him, in those exact words. He said he wanted to figure out what to do about 'this', and that he wanted more. She could tell it was hard for him to express, so she didn't push him for more than he was willing to give at the time.
Then it was after they had found Nick.. he had given her a ride home. She had kissed him on the lips in the car before she was about to get out of his Denali, but as soon as her lips met his, he broke.
She had never seen a man of his composure and discipline cry before. She certainly never expected to see Gilbert Grissom, revered scientist and doctor, cry. But there he was. In the front seat of his car, the engine humming as it idled out front of her apartment complex, softly crying as she kissed him. She could taste his salty tears.
"Sara," he began quietly, against her lips, but struggled to find the words to complete his thoughts.
"Hey, hey now," she reassured him tenderly as she wiped away a tear as kissed his cheek where it had been, "Come inside? I think we could both use some whiskey. And I have leftover Thai. You need to eat something."
In any other situation his better judgement would have stopped him and he would have declined the invite, knowing he was in a very exposed and emotionally vulnerable position. No one, not even his mother, had seen him cry past infancy. He knew he should feel embarrassed, but all he seemed to feel at this exact moment was desperation. Desperation for her comfort, her company, her presence, her touch. So to both of their surprise, he nodded at her offer and turned off the engine.
They had walked side by side up to her apartment, and up the stairs, in silence. Down the hallway, the same hallway he had walked a dozen times in the last couple of months, since the incident with Adam Trent. It was a familiar feeling, one that he found comfort in, despite the harsh glow of the fluorescent lighting. He knew that once the door to her apartment closed, encasing them, he could finally let his guard down and be Gil Grissom, the man. Not Gil Grissom, the supervisor, entomologist, doctor, forensic scientist, outcast, robot.
They let themselves into the apartment in silence. Grissom slipped off his shoes as if it were his own home, and made his way to her sitting room, plopping himself down, defeated.
Sara stood in her kitchen and took in the sight of him. God, she loved him. He was ruffled, his face had dirt on it still from the explosion. His eyes were bluer than they had ever been, probably from the tears he had shed in the car. His legs shook, probably from pent up energy and adrenaline and sorrow. She watched as he pinched the bridge of his nose and took off his glasses, setting them down on her coffee table. She smiled at how comfortable and familiar it all felt. She was glad he felt at home. As if they had been lovers for years, when in reality they had yet to share a bed, let alone make love.
"I have Bushmills, is that ok?" Sara asked softly from the kitchen.
"It's fine, yes." She saw him nod, his eyes still closed, as he leaned his head against the back of her couch. His tears had stopped now, but she could tell he was still very fragile.
"Here." Sara said softly as she handed him the tumbler with a very generous amount of the amber liquid. They both took a deep sip simultaneously and both relished in the burn of it as it made it's way down their throats.
"Thankyou Sara." Grissom finally broke the silence, after a second sip. "I'm sorry about earlier, in the car."
"Sorry for what?" She whispered in reply.
"The, ah. The emotions. I'm just tired. I haven't slept in 3 days. It's been a long week. Few months, really." He sighed as he turned his gaze towards the drink in his hand, not daring to make eye contact.
"You don't have to apologize for having human emotions, Grissom. I think shedding a few tears after a day like today is healthy and normal and expected. It will probably hit me later in the shower, it my favourite place to cry." Sara laughed gently as she brought her hand up to his cheek, rubbing her thumb where his tears had been, "You may have more walls up than most men, but you're still just a man, Grissom."
"How do you do it?" He sighed, taking another sip of his whiskey, finishing it off quicker than she had expected him to.
"What?"
"How do you feel everything so intensely, and not go completely insane?" He answered, with a half hearted smile on his face, as he finally looked at her.
"I'm a woman. It's what we do. But I'd beg to differ on the sanity thing... I haven't exactly been handling things well lately." She laughed again, placing her hand over his, in his lap. "Feeling is healthy. Expressing your feelings is important. If I've learned anything from my PEAP counselling, it's to not be afraid of the feelings."
"I am afraid." Grissom nodded, as he saw her nod in response.
"I know." She sighed.
"All my life I've learned to just focus on the science. Reality. The facts. Feelings and emotions are very rarely based off of fact, and it's terrifying." He continued, as he gestured between their bodies "This, ah - you.."
"You don't have to be afraid of me, Grissom. You know that right? I know you. I know who you are." She smiled sadly, as she squeezed his hand in reassurance.
"Thats the problem." He nodded as he looked away from her, "Someone once told me that my biggest fear is being known. And I think they were right."
"Why is that such a bad thing?" Sara asked, as she took another sip of her drink, "When someone knows you, intimately, they know how to care for you when the emotions get to be too much. They can help carry the weight of it all. When someone knows you, they know how to...to love you, and I think that's just about the best thing anyone could ever ask for. To be known. Cared for. Loved."
"I know you." He stated in his matter of fact way as he nodded and looked up into her eyes.
"Yes. You do." She nodded, feeling her heart flutter and the butterflies in her stomach coming to life, "You know me very well. More than anyone. And I know you."
Grissom nodded, as he watched Sara's eyes intensify with a look he could only describe with one word: love. He had seen it before, briefly, when they had shared kisses. But now her eyes were dark and wide with emotion and it stirred something in him he couldn't explain. He inched towards her, taking the glass from her and and placing it safely on the coffee table, before cupping her cheeks with adoration.
"Grissom," Sara sighed with affection, she wanted to tell him. She wanted him to know she loved him. She needed him to know she loved him.
"Gil, dear." He smiled, as if he were granting her permission to use his given name.
"Gil." She nodded as she moved her lips closer to his with a proud smile, so they just barely brushed.
"I think.." he started, as he placed his forehead against hers, fumbling on his words, "Sara, I want you to know me. I-I need you to know me. I need you."
Understanding what he meant, and how big of a deal it was that he had admitted if in such a sweet way, Sara kissed his lips softly, with a nod.
"Only if you're ready." She whispered as she looked at him, and ran a hand through his curls, trying to keep a calm composure, all the while when heart was racing with anticipation.
"Is it what you want?" Grissom asked, his confidence on thin ice, "Because, this is it for me, Sara. You're it. There's nothing and one one else. If you do want this, I mean."
Sara knew that to make love with Gilbert Grissom was more than sex. More than passion and romance and lust and attraction. More than years of pent up sexual frustration. It was a commitment, potentially a lifelong one. It was a whole new level of knowing and understanding. It was like peeling back every protective layer on his heart and having full, open and exposed access to him, with him trusting she would do no harm. For him to consider allowing her into that deep and vulnerable part of his person was a big deal. For both of them. It was an honour, because she knew he didn't open up to anyone or anything. He had built a shell around his heart, and to know that she had broken through it, and now here he was, offering himself to her after he had just shed a few tears in front of her... it made her heart explode with love and adoration.
"Gil," she began softly, her hands shaking as she squeezed his, "I don't mean this to frighten you.."
He looked into her eyes, a flash of doubt crossing his face, but it all but disappeared at her gentle touch as she ran her thumb along his lips and settled it on his jaw.
"Grissom. Ah, Gil.." she corrected herself as she took a deep shaking breath, "You have to know by now that I love you." She whispered quietly and nervously, but with a friendly smile she continued, "I've loved you for as long as I've known you. I get you, Gil. Your quirks and your oddities and your passions, I get you. And I love everything about you. The good and the bad and the weird things. The brains and the bugs and the smell of books and decomp and lemons.. the paperwork and late nights.. This," she gestured between them with a giggle, "this is all I've wanted since I was 26. Since I met you that afternoon in San Fransisco. I want all of you. I feel like I could drown in you. I want this." Sara smiled and nodded, "I want you."
At that, Grissom brought her lips back to his with force and passion, feeling her mouth open to his, allowing her access. He let out a pained moan into her mouth and it broke both of their hearts. Their tongues duelled and their lips made love to each other for what felt like hours. After a while he removed his lips from hers and started sucking and kissing her ear lobe and behind her ear, a territory he had not yet discovered, and it illicitted a deep, open mouthed moan from Sara. He froze, at the sound and looked at her eyes, wide with passion and desire.
"Let's, ah," he whispered as he gestured his head towards her bedroom.
"Mhm." She nodded, still in a lust filled haze. She stood, with his hand in hers, and led him to her room.
"Do you really love me?" He asked as his lips returned to her neck, gently nipping her ear lobe.
"God, Gil." She whimpered as her knees turned to jelly and she fell back onto the bed, him following after in a smooth transition, on top of her. She cleared her throat, trying to compose herself to answers him seriously as tears filled her eyes, "Yes."
She heard him groan at her answer, and he dipped his head again to her neck, assaulting her with hot kisses as his hands rested on her hips. "I want you to know me." He mumbled, barely audible, into her neck. He wasn't sure she'd hear him, but she did.
Sara reached her hands to unzip his LVPD jacket, and tossed it on the floor beside them, releasing his scent. He smelled of lemons and soap and dirt and sweat and books. His body radiating heat, he pressed his torso down against hers and brought his lips back to her mouth. His hand shook as it gently slid underneath her shirt and felt the soft skin of her stomach, causing her to gasp and groan.
Taking initiative, Sara pulled herself away from him and in one swift movement she removed her shirt, and unclasped her bra and threw them to the ground, joining his jacket.
Grissom's heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest as he stared at Sara Sidle, half naked in front of him, laid herself back down to the bed, for him to devour her. He felt himself growing in his pants and felt slightly ashamed. The blush crept up his neck and to his cheeks. He was paralyzed, his hands fiddling together in a boyish way, not knowing where or how to
"You can touch me, Gil." She whispered with a smile as she noticed his discomfort and awkwardness, And propped her self up on her elbows. "It's all yours. I'm all yours. You can touch me."
"I-I.." he stuttered as he leaned down to kiss her, careful not to touch her breasts, "You are beautiful Sara."
She smiled against his lips, and found one of his hands and brought it up to her breast, "I'll help you."
As he felt the warm mound of breast beneath his palm, her erect nipple under his fingers, he let out a grunt, trying not to swear. Suddenly his primal instincts took over and he began to caress her, and used his other hand to feel up and down her abdomen, while he kissed her with urgency. The erection in his pants was beginning to become uncomfortable, so he shifted his weight and quickly tugged at his pant leg from the thigh, hoping Sara wouldn't notice. She did. And she gave him a dirty smile.
"Can I help you with that, Dr Grissom?" She spoke softly as she traced the outline of his pants where his shirt was still tucked in.
"Sara," he warned, as her fingers began to untuck and unbutton his shirt. Before he knew it, he was bare chested and her fingers were making quick work of his belt.
"Is this ok?" She asked seriously before she unzipped him, noting his warm hand still on her breast and the dark shade of blue his eyes reflected.
"Yes." He swallowed, as he leaned down to kiss her swollen lips. He felt her unzip his pants and again, in one swift move, tore off his slacks and boxers, like she had done it a million times before.
He groaned at the feeling of release from his pants, as his member hit the air and she pulled him down to her for another deep kiss. He could feel the warm skin of her stomach on his penis and he almost came right then and there. He backed away from her lips and placed his forehead on hers to catch his breath,
"Sara, dear," he started, with a deep husky voice, "I want you to at least get your pants off before I finish and make a mess of this bed."
He saw the flush in her cheeks at his admission and lowered her hand to feel his very hard, very large throbbing penis, the tip wet with pre cum. She gently wrapped her fingers around him and stroked him slowly, as he gasped and moaned, almost a plea for help.
"Sara, stop, I'm serious." He whimpered with his eyes closed tightly, "I want to come inside you, not on you. Not this time anyways. Please, stop. I'm already so close."
She smiled as she released him and broke contact, she wanted to kiss him and assault his lips and his neck and bring him to the edge with her fingers right then. Instead, she lifted her hips upwards and slipped off her pants and cotton underwear and watched him watching her.
"Shit, Sara." He sighed in amazement as his eyes wandered her long legs, her thighs, her bundle of flesh and lips and nerves with her dark curls.
Sara let out a hearty laugh at his language, leaving him dumbfounded, as a look of shame crossed his face.
"I'm sorry." He shook his head, "I didn't know what else to say."
"Gil Grissom, Shakespeare fanatic who can recite poetry at the drop of a hat, looks at a naked women and all he can think to say is 'shit'," she laughed as she brought him down for a kiss, "it's fucking adorable."
Now it was his turn to laugh, "Sara." He warned at her language, he has heard her curse before at the lab but never heard that one.
"I didn't know you swore." She joked, as she let her hands explore his chest and his back.
"I don't, usually." He confirmed as he kissed her collar bone and made his way down her chest to place light kisses on her breasts, and took a nipple in his mouth, prompting another curse from Sara,
"Fuuck," she moaned as his tongue danced on her nipple, and she felt his hand travel south, landing just before her core. She nodded and that was all the permission he needed, as he used his fingers to separate her folds and found the wetness between her legs. They both let out deep, primal sounds.
"Gil, damnit." She cried, as he made swift work of her nub. He inserted a finger, and then another, gently, slowly pumping it in and out with his tongue still on her breast. It was a kind of painful slowness that ripped her body in two. "Gil. Shit. Gil..." she pleaded in a high pitched tone as her walls tightened around his fingers and her orgasm overtook her. Her hips rose from the bed, and her torso shook and twitched as her fists grabbed onto the bedsheet for leverage. She let out a loud, primal grunt and then whispered his name.
As she came down from her orgasm, her eyesight was blurry from the tears brimming. She let out a whimper as she felt Grissoms lips return to hers.
"That was hot." He smiled against her lips, "I've wanted to do that to you for years."
Really?" She whispered, breathlessly, as her body still shook in barely noticeable convulsions.
Gil nodded and dipped to her core to kiss her, briefly, on her throbbing clit, as she bucked her hips up with a barely audible gasp. She tasted like salty sweet honey. He smiled and returned to her lips, with tender kisses.
"You're beautiful Sara." He whispered in her ear, "That was beautiful."
"It's your turn." She smiled, as she rolled him onto his back, and placed a leg over him to straddle him.
She could feel his heartbeat in his chest and the eager pulsing of his member. As she leaned down to kiss him she took him in her hand again and gently stroked him. She could feel the vibrations of his moan on her lips as she moved a little faster. She felt him tremble underneath her, and knew it was time.
"Let me grab a condom.." she trailed off as she moved to break contact,
"No!" he said loudly as he shook his head, noting the stunned look on her face.
"Uh, Grissom. I know we haven't really had an opportunity to discuss this, but uh," she was flabbergasted, "I'm not really the motherly type. I ah, it's not something I want, or have given much..."
"No, no," he smiled with a soft laugh as he cupped her face tenderly with his hands, "No, I mean we don't need one. I ah, I had a vasectomy when I was 30. I'm not really the fatherly type either. Maybe it's because mine died when I was a kid, or because of the hearing loss thing, or because I'm just socially inept.." He shrugged.
"Oh." She breathed with relief, "Oh."
"Is that ok?" He whispered, "I don't want it to become an issue if you ever do change your mind. You're still so young.."
"Ah, no." She laughed as she leaned back down to kiss him, "That's one thing I definitely won't change my mind on. I'd be a terrible mother. I can barely feed myself, let alone a child. Not to mention my own shitty childhood.. I'm damaged goods. It wouldn't be fair to mess up a poor kid before it even had a chance. Surprise! You get Sara Sidle as a mom! Besides.. the stuff we see everyday..."
"You wouldn't be a terrible mother, Sara. In fact, if I ever had kids I couldn't think of someone better to raise them with. You are full of empathy and love, and you are brilliant." He said seriously, with a gentle tone, "But I understand and respect that."
"Thanks." She smiled awkwardly, trying not to melt at his confession, which was probably the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to her. "I respect your decision too. I'm kind of relieved actually."
"Did I just kill the mood?" He laughed sadly.
"Um, no." Sara chuckled as she kissed his neck, "I've been waiting for this for 5 years, Gil. Not even a triple homicide could kill the mood."
"Don't jinx it." He warned her in his supervisor tone, as he tried to contain his moans as she made work of his neck and collar bone. He felt her chuckle against his skin. He moved his hands to the small of her back as she positioned herself above him, his tip barely grazing her entrance.
"Ready?" She whispered, passionately.
He nodded and swallowed, before bringing his lips to hers in a passionate kiss. Then she slid herself down onto him in a painful, magical, earth shattering moment. They both let out simultaneous grunts, both deep and full of need.
"Gil." She groaned again, moving her hips slightly to get used to his size. He was big. Like, BIG. And so damn hard.
"Are you ok?" He panted, trying to control his breathing and the urge to thrust into her with force.
"More than." She nodded as her eyes rolled back in pleasure, "Y-you're... uhh.."
He smiled and watched her lovingly as he felt her gently begin to rock back and forth above him. He had been told before that he was... well endowed... but he never gave it a second thought. Not until this intimate moment between himself and Sara, watching her adjust to his size and watching her eyes roll as she bit her lips in agonizing pleasure. She was tight and hot around him but could feel her muscles begin to loosen as her body made room for him.
When she had gotten comfortable she reached a hand around her backside to gently cup him, and Gil groaned. Loudly. The sound was so hot, she could feel her juices leak out from her core. She picked up her pace, riding him, up and down, back and forth. Never in a million years did she imagine her first time with Gilbert Grissom would be with herself on top and his vulnerable body writhing beneath her.
She could feel the friction and intensity building between them, she could tell she was close and by the look on his face, his eyes closed tightly, she knew he was too. With a smile she leaned down and kissed his lips, and then his neck, and then whispered in his ear:
"I know you, baby."
And then she felt him come undone within her as he let out a loud, higher than normal pitched, desperately deep sound. It was so raw and primal, and so Grissom. His hot seed spilling deep within her as he gasped and moaned and grunted her name. She came too, a second time, as she watched him in pure ecstasy.
Collapsing onto his chest, she played with the curls around the nape of his neck while he ran his hand up and down her naked, tacky back, and entwined her fingers with his other hand.
"Sara." He sighed several moments later.
"Mm." She mumbled into his chest.
"Thankyou." He whispered as he kissed her hair.
"For what? The sex?" She chuckled.
"Well, yes." He smiled, boyishly, "But mostly for loving me. The way I am. All of my stupid social idiocies and through all the times I've hurt you. I'm... not good with people."
"You don't say." She teased him, before placing a kiss on his lips. "You seemed to be pretty good just a second ago."
"It's true, though." He nodded, "You have seen through me from the beginning. So Thankyou."
"I know you." She smiled as she snuggled up against him.
"And I love you." He whispered.
END.