Ah when did this get to be 40 chapters when it was supposed to be 10?! Thanks for sticking with me, I hope you like this one!
"It's going to be okay," Hailey tried, reaching for the phone in the cupholder while Jay sped down the streets, lights flashing, "Piper's going to be fine."
"I don't think she is," Jay stuttered, "She used to get forgotten at school all the time. Erin and I promised her that we weren't going to do that, and I have no idea if my fiancé and our babies are okay."
"I'm calling Diane," she said, scrolling through Jay's phone, "We don't need to panic until we have something to panic about. She could just be caught in a meeting."
"She would have called," he croaked, "Something's wrong, Hailey."
"Diane, hi, this is Hailey Upton, Jay Halstead's partner. Is uh, Erin there?" Hailey let out a breath. "Diane's checking her office."
Jay nodded, unable to form words. His daughter had been waiting at school for over a half hour, and he had no idea if either of his girls, or his boys, were okay. "Hailey?" Erin's voice came, "What's going on?"
Hailey handed her phone to Jay. "Babe, are you alright?" Jay managed, "What happened?"
"I'm just at work," she said, adjusting her blazer. Erin had fallen asleep on the couch in her office sending emails. She hadn't meant to drift off, but Diane had entered her office looking concerned.
"I thought you were picking up Pipes," he replied, taking another turn, "She's been waiting at school for like forty minutes."
Erin gasped. It had completely slipped her mind that she was supposed to pick Piper up to go find a Halloween costume. Her baby had been waiting outside of the school for her for almost an hour while she napped. She had read about pregnancy brain and had gotten slightly forgetful with some basic stuff, but she never thought it would extend to her little girl. "Oh my god." Tears formed in her eyes as she pushed herself off the couch and scrambled for her phone, "I-I-I forgot, Jay, I forgot our child, I-"
"I'm almost at the school," Jay assured her, relief flooding his veins when he realized that Erin was indeed fine. "I'll call you in a bit, okay?"
"I'll meet you at home," she replied, "Just…just tell her I'm sorry?"
"I will," he promised, pulling into the school entrance, "Don't worry, babe. She's going to be fine."
Jay peeled into the school entrance and threw the car in park before sprinting for the front door. He could barely breathe. Erin was fine, but he was one hundred percent certain she was absolutely beating herself up for forgetting about Piper.
Piper.
His breath caught when he stopped short at the front office and caught a glimpse of his little girl sitting stoically in a chair by the assistant's desk, eyes trained on her hands in her lap. She looked so forlorn and so…alone. It was all he could do not to rush into the office and scoop her into his arms.
"Hi," he croaked to the principal's assistant, "I'm here for Piper."
Piper looked up and immediately he was flooded with relief. His baby was safe. She offered a smile and abandoned her seat to hug Jay tightly. "You came," she whispered against his hip, "You came for me."
"Of course," he managed, sinking to his knees, "I am so, so sorry Pipes." He stroked her cheek gently. "It won't happen again, okay?" Jay brought her into his chest, her hair tickling his nose.
"Detective Halstead?" The principal poked her head out of the office. "Thank you for coming."
"I'm so sorry," he rushed out, rubbing Piper's back gently, "It was an accident." Jay felt his pulse quicken when Piper gripped his jacket tightly in her fists. He could tell that his baby was fearing the same thing he was. He didn't want her to be taken away just because her parents made a mistake.
"I know you're probably eager to get going, but I was wondering if we could chat for a few minutes?" Erica Lockhart offered a small smile to Piper. "Do you mind hanging out for a few more minutes, Piper? We'll be quick."
Piper looked somewhat skeptical but managed a nod after Jay kissed the top of her head. "I'll be right in there," he promised, "And then we're heading home. Just a few minutes."
Jay swallowed thickly when the principal closed the door behind them. It had been years since he was last in the principal's office for doing something wrong or for getting into some kind of scuff with the bullies but the air in the room thrust him twenty years back. "Detective Halstead-"
"It won't happen again," he said immediately, "I swear."
Principal Lockhart gave a kind smile. "I understand. And these things do happen. But I wanted to just make you, and Ms. Lindsay, aware of some developments in the pick up policy for elementary aged children. If a child is left for more than an hour, we're required to place a call to the department of children and family services to sit with the child until guardians can be reached." She held her hands up when Jay's jaw dropped. "I'm very well aware of your situation with Piper, and understand that you and Ms. Lindsay are very good parents. I just wanted to make sure you both understand that other educators might not be so understanding."
Jay managed a thin nod. He was forty-seven minutes late. Had Piper not been able to reach him, she could have been approached by a stranger from the department who used to move her from home to home, no doubt traumatizing her further. The thought was almost unimaginable. "Won't happen again," he repeated, "We…we're also supposed to be adopting Piper. Any day now."
Erica smiled. "That's wonderful news. And Piper is a remarkable little girl. She's been through quite a bit, so having the stability of you is huge. Which is why I just wanted to make you aware of this development. Nothing against you, or Erin, as this applies to all parents, but I know your family is particularly…sensitive."
"I appreciate it," he managed, "Am I good to take her home?"
"Where is she?" Erin asked as she hustled into the house, dropping her briefcase by the door, "Jay, where's Piper?"
"Taking a shower," Jay said, putting his hands on her shoulders, "She's fine, babe. Really."
Erin shook her head rapidly, tears prickling behind her eyes. She left her office in an absolute whirlwind, her mind going to the worst places. A normal child would have spiraled after being left at school, but Piper was not a normal child. She had previously been left at school for hours time and time again, and Erin and Jay had promised not to do that to her. Erin was beside herself. "No, I know our kid, I know she says she's fine but she's not. I-I left her, I forgot, I did exactly what Bunny used to do to me and what the people who neglected her used to do."
"Erin, babe," he soothed, trying to meet his partner's gaze as she desperately looked to the stairs, hoping to see her little sister, "I talked to her. She knows it was an accident, and she knows we love her." He offered a small smile. "The books call it pregnancy brain. It happens."
She continued to shake her head. "That isn't an excuse. She was waiting for me," Erin croaked, "I promised I would be there, and I didn't keep that promise. She's going to think I can't be there when things count, and-" She glanced up when she saw Piper coming down the stairs.
Jay turned and offered a smile to his little girl. "Is everything okay?" Piper asked nervously, gripping the edges of her sweatshirt sleeves in her tiny palms, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong," he replied lightly, rubbing Erin's shoulders, "You want to help me with dinner tonight? I was thinking we could do that peanut chicken, what do you think?"
"I liked that chicken last time you made it," Piper said, giving a smile, "Hi Erin."
Erin looked down at her sweet little girl as Piper clambered onto the stool at the kitchen island to help Jay prepare dinner. Sometimes it shocked her just how similar Piper's appearance was to her own. She was the splitting image of her younger self, down to the twinge of sadness behind her eyes. Her breath caught when the memory of standing outside of school in the freezing cold waiting for Bunny to pick her up washed over her. It made her hate her mom, and young Erin wished that someone else would whisk her away to a better life.
"I'm so sorry," Erin choked out, tears spilling over her cheeks before she could stop them. She knew Jay was trying to keep her calm so that she'd maintain some semblance of composure when it came to interacting with their little girl, but one look had opened the floodgates. "I'm so sorry, Noodle."
"It's okay," she offered, giving her big sister a small smile, "Jay came right after I called."
Erin shook her head and stepped around Jay so she could be closer to her baby. She needed her. "You shouldn't have had to wait," she whispered, "That wasn't right and I'm so sorry."
Piper took Erin's hand gently. "I'm fine," she promised, "It wasn't very long and I know you wouldn't just leave me at school."
She continued to shake her head. "You…you used to get left at school all the time," Erin managed, "Bunny left me at school when I was your age and I remembered that I hated her for it and I don't want you to hate me or-or want to leave because I can't-"
"Erin," Piper interrupted softly, "I don't hate you."
"Just because we're having two babies doesn't give me any type of excuse to forget about you," Erin continued, wiping her eyes hastily, "I don't want the school to think I'm an unfit parent or-"
"Erin," she tried again, her voice interrupted by her big sister's rambling, "Erin, it's okay."
"I won't do it again," Erin insisted, "I'm so sorry, baby, I know you must have been so scared and worried and I'm so sorry I made you feel that way."
"Mommy," Piper said firmly, bringing her hands to Erin's cheeks, "I'm okay."
Erin drew in a gasp and hiccupped. Her baby called her Mommy. She was Piper's mommy, but she was a mommy who left her little girl at school. "I don't hate you," Piper whispered, stroking her big sister's cheeks with her small thumbs, "You didn't mean to leave me. And I wasn't that scared because I know you and Jay love me and wouldn't leave me at school. Now you gotta take a deep breath because stress is not good for the boys."
Erin burst into tears and pulled Piper closer, holding her little girl against her body as best she could. "I'm still sorry," she wept, "I love you so much."
"I love you too." Piper pressed a gentle kiss to her sister's cheek, which only made Erin cry harder. "You don't need to worry about me not loving you, okay? You're not Bunny."
She sniffed and wiped her eyes again. "How are you the one talking me down? I'm the big sister."
Piper smiled and tucked some of her sister's loose hair behind her ear. "You're growin' two babies," she said, "You said you were gonna be grumpy with them but you really just cry a lot."
Erin sniffed again when Jay snorted. He was the unfortunate recipient of a lot of her hormone-induced grumpiness given that she tried incredibly hard to shield Piper from it. Piper, on the other hand, caught all of Erin's increased maternal mannerisms and had also picked up on just how teary she'd become.
"I have been crying a lot," Erin said, clearing her throat, "You might have to talk me down a whole bunch more, especially when these two arrive."
Piper smiled and brought her little hand to her sister's belly. "Are the beans okay?"
Erin nodded and rubbed her bump. "I think so," she said, taking a deep breath, "They're okay. Thank you for looking out for them." She managed a smile when Jay put his hand on the small of Erin's back. "You heard Jay saying that stress isn't good for them, huh?"
She shook her head. "I learned 'bout that with Mrs. Hill," she said softly, "Because I caused her lots of stress."
Both Jay and Erin immediately froze. He could tell exactly what was going through his girl's head – she was worried that Piper could be downplaying her reaction and internalizing her emotions for fear that she could cause her big sister stress, which would in turn harm the babies. With how well their little bug had been doing, they'd let her previous experience of witnessing her former foster mother go through a miscarriage slip their minds. It was clearly something Piper thought about, especially with the two babies on the way.
"You don't cause me stress, Noodle," Erin said carefully, "I don't want you to ever think that." She stroked Piper's cheek gently. "You actually calm me down."
Piper gave another smile. "You're allowed to be upset too," Jay added, rubbing Erin's back carefully, "And to feel what you need to feel. We don't want you to keep your feelings inside because you're worried about us."
"I know," she said simply, "I promised I would be honest. And I was a little scared at school, but then I remembered that I could call whenever I needed you guys, and Jay came right away." Piper looked up at her father figure before returning her gaze to Erin. "I'm okay."
Jay nodded slowly. "Okay," he said, letting out a breath, "We just want you to tell us, so then we can help."
Piper nodded. "I just wanna be with you guys," she said shyly, "I like being close."
"That can certainly be arranged," Erin said, pressing a kiss to her baby's forehead. "What if we order take out and watch a game instead of cooking?"
"Love it," Jay declared, scooping Piper up into his arms. He grinned when she giggled. "Quality time with our favorite kid."
"She called you Mommy when she was awake today," Jay said after he spat his toothpaste into the sink. He offered his girl a wide grin. "That's incredible, babe."
He had decided against sharing Erica Lockhart's cautionary warning about delayed pick up times. His girl was positively beside herself with guilt and it was breaking his heart. Once he got Erin into a better place they could have the conversation, but for now, he wanted to keep her blood pressure down and get his girl and all three of his babies some good rest.
Erin set her washcloth down. "I don't deserve it," she said dryly, exhaling heavily. She rubbed her bump. "Mommies don't leave their kids at school for hours on end."
Jay paused. "Erin-"
"I know she said she was fine with it but I'm not." Erin braced herself on the countertop. "I'm not okay with it." She drew in a breath when Jay didn't avert his gaze. "I'm not…I'm just not okay."
"Okay," he said slowly, taking one step over to her sink, "Do you want to talk about it?" Jay reached for one of her hands. "What's going on?"
Erin closed her eyes. "I told you that Bunny used to leave me at school, like, all the time, right?" She opened her eyes and caught his nod. "Sometimes she came eventually but…but sometimes she didn't." Her voice cracked. "And they would call whoever Bunny had listed as my dad."
Jay felt his girl tense further. He wanted so badly to pull her into his arms, press a thousand kisses into her hair and take all her pain away, but he couldn't. "I know you're an amazing dad," she choked out, "And…and you pick up Piper all the time but today I just remembered how I felt when I was her age getting left at school. And I was so scared."
"Babe," he breathed, unable to hold back any further. He pulled her into his arms gently.
"I'm so mad at myself," she wept, "That I could put our baby through that." Erin pressed her face into his shoulder. "It sucked getting picked up by one of Bunny's guys. I was always afraid they'd beat the crap out of me."
Jay pulled back slightly and rested his hands on her arms. "They used to hurt you when they brought you home, didn't they?"
His heart cracked when Erin managed a tiny nod. "I'm so sorry," he whispered, bringing her close again, "I'm so sorry that happened to you and I'm sorry that today was difficult."
"I know you would never, ever hurt our baby," Erin choked out, "I don't want you to think that I do because I don't think that I just…I just remember what it was like, that's all. Being ten years old and scared."
He nodded, wiping her cheeks gently. "I get it, babe. I do."
She brought her hands to her stomach. "I got this horrible feeling in my gut that something was going to happen to her," she whispered, "I left my office like a crazy person and-" Erin shook her head. "I'm sorry. I don't want you to ever think that I don't trust you and now I'm telling you-"
"Hey," Jay shook his head, "Don't apologize for that, okay? I really get it. You're talking to the guy who worries about his girls all day long." He stroked her cheek gently. "I want to know how you're feeling, all the time, babe. Even when it's tough."
She sniffed. "Even when I'm being irrational?"
He pressed his lips to the top of her head. "You're a mom. You're not irrational. You were just trying to protect your baby."
"Where's Jay?" Erin asked, her voice carrying more venom than she intended. Platt had buzzed her up while she was on the phone so thankfully she didn't have to interact. The bullpen was empty, save for Hailey, who was seated at her desk.
Her blood was boiling. It was past boiling.
Piper, by some miracle, slept through the night. Erin lay awake while Jay snoozed, eyes trained on the baby monitor, watching for any flinch or sign of distress from her little girl. Her sweet sleeping angel claimed to be okay but Erin wasn't about to let her guard down. Not when she was the reason for keeping her child up at night.
The limited sleep, coupled with some less than ideal movements from Baby B directly into her lungs made for a grouchy and irritable Erin. So when she answered a phone call from the principal's office, her heart in her throat, fearing that her little girl was cowering in a closet or throwing up or worse, had been snatched from school yet again, her anxiety was at an all time high.
It wasn't so much that the principal wanted to make her aware of the policies – it was the fact that her partner had been informed of it the day before and had specifically left it out of the conversations they had once she returned home. She and Jay had built their new relationship around communication and transparency. They were always honest, as honest as they could be, and hearing that he'd kept something from her, something about the child that they shared, had her in a frenzy.
The detective looked up and immediately recognized the fire behind her former coworker's eyes. "He's in an interrogation," she said slowly, "Is everything okay?"
Erin blew out a breath. "Do you know when he'll be done?" she asked, surveying the empty room, "How long has he been in there?"
"Ten minutes or so," Hailey replied, "You uh, you can sit at his desk, if you want. Sure he won't mind." She offered a smile that slowly fell from her face when Erin didn't return it. "I can go grab him if it's an emergency but-"
"Don't do that," Erin said, exhaling again. The twins were encroaching on her lungs and her feet ached. It didn't help that she was royally pissed off at her partner. "I'll just uh, wait."
"Are you okay?" Hailey asked tentatively, "Is Piper-" She paused when Erin closed her eyes and leaned back in Jay's chair. "Erin, are you sure you want to wait for Jay?"
"I can't look at him right now," Erin replied, opening her eyes slightly, "I just…I can't." She brought her hands to her baby bump. "I'm sorry, you don't need to-" Her breath caught. "It's nothing."
"It's not nothing," Hailey said, standing from her desk, "Do you want some tea or something? Pretty sure Jay keeps some in his top drawer right there." She gestured to the drawer. "I'll make you some, okay?"
Erin just nodded, unable to get the right words out. She rested her hands on her belly and attempted to slow her heart rate. She was honestly grateful that the bullpen was empty because she didn't think she could have any type of civil conversation with her former colleagues. Except Hailey was there and she'd already been rude. "Sorry," she croaked when the detective set a mug of tea down on Jay's desk, "I'm just…sorry."
"Is there anything I can do to help?" Hailey offered, taking a seat across from Erin, "I know you came here looking for Jay but if you need to go to the doctor or something, I can take you."
Erin's gaze softened. "I appreciate that," she whispered, "But I'm fine. Physically, anyway. They're fine too." She rubbed her bump and exhaled heavily. "Were um, were you there, yesterday? When Jay picked up Piper from school?"
Hailey nodded. "I was," she said, "She was okay. Gave me a new book to start too." She reached over to her desk and held up a copy of what appeared to be a non-fiction book about the revolutionary war. "I feel like I'm back in grade school with all this history."
Erin managed a small smile. "Did Jay tell you that I literally forgot about her?"
The detective was quiet for a moment. "I was in the car," she started, "I was in the car when Piper called."
"Forgot about that too," Erin said dryly, "Can't remember anything apparently." She sighed. "You were the one who called Diane."
Hailey nodded. "Jay was worried that you might have fallen or passed out in your office," she said. She forced a smile. "He's just a little bit protective."
Erin snorted. "He tell you that if you guys hadn't shown up when you did that the school was going to place a call to the Department of Children and Family services to get Piper put into care?"
Hailey's jaw dropped. "No," she said, "Can they even do that? It was like a half hour after pick up."
She shrugged. "I don't know. Jay didn't even tell me about it," she replied, "That's why I'm pissed." Erin swallowed. "Got a call from the principal this morning to make sure that I understood too."
"I'd be pissed too," Hailey offered, "Sucks feeling blindsided." She titled her head to the side when Erin nodded. "He uh, he might have been trying to protect you." Hailey took a breath as Erin just stared at her. "I like to think I know my partner pretty well, and well, protective doesn't even do him justice. He uh, worries a lot about you, and Piper, and the babies. And he might have been worried about how you would take that piece of news after everything that happened."
Erin placed the tea mug back down on Jay's desk, the heat scalding her fingers. She'd been holding onto it tightly, hoping that the punishment of red and burned fingertips would make her feel better for all the turmoil she caused her little girl. "He needs to stop trying to protect me," she said flatly, unable to come up with a better reply to Hailey's offering.
Hailey nodded. "I'm sure it's frustrating," she said, "But uh, it's also really sweet." She pointed to Jay's desk drawer again. "He'd kill me if he knew I was telling you about this, but I think it might help."
Erin furrowed her brow and reached into the drawer to produce a notebook. "He and Piper have a little after school tradition," she said with a small smile, "After he brings her back here, the two of them plan what to make for dinner and keep track of how some of the different recipes make you feel."
She ran her fingers over the pages in the notebook in disbelief. Piper and Jay worked on it together, as evident by Jay's scrawl and Piper's careful handwriting. There were comments on each day with whatever Jay had cooked or ordered for takeout, along with stars for how much he and Piper liked it. There were comments listed too, calling out food that Erin particularly liked or didn't, or what made her stomach ache. "This goes back to last year," Erin managed, flipping through the pages, "They've been doing this since before I got pregnant?"
Hailey nodded. "Yeah. They both love you a whole lot." She smiled wider as Erin continued to flip through the pages. "Jay's been muttering and researching about reducing stress," she continued, "If I had to guess, he probably thought you hearing that DCFS could have taken Piper would have spiked your heart rate which is why he skipped over it. Not that it was a good idea, or anything, but I bet you that's where he was coming from."
"Thank you," Erin managed, closing the notebook. "I um, I needed to hear that. Needed someone to talk me off the ledge." She sniffed. "Jay uh, has been kind of getting the ass end of my hormones. Sorry if he's been complaining about me."
Hailey shook her head. "He doesn't complain," she assured her, "I don't think you could do anything to make him let go."
"He's going for a ride." Jay's voice carried down the hallway, "I'll call the state's attorney and-" He stopped short when he saw Erin seated at his desk, talking to his partner. "Er? Is everything okay?"
Erin managed a meager smile. "Hailey and I were just chatting," she said, resting one hand on her stomach. She glanced over his shoulder to see Kim behind her fiancé. She didn't need an audience for this conversation. "Can I steal you for a few minutes?"
Jay nodded and extended a hand to help her out of his chair. "We can talk in the breakroom," he suggested, gesturing to the empty room. He swallowed when Erin silently moved toward the room where they used to share hushed secret discussions when they were trying to keep things professional. "What's going on? Are you feeling okay?" He immediately brought his hand to her cheek to check her temperature. "Is it Pipes?"
"She's okay," Erin confirmed, "I'm…I'm okay." She took a deep breath. "I kinda came here to yell at you."
Jay widened his eyes slightly. "Uh-"
"I got a call from the principal this morning," she said, watching as Jay's face shifted at the realization, "She wanted to remind me about the importance of being on time for pick up and that Piper could have been sent with someone from DCFS if you hadn't shown up."
"Babe-"
"Hailey talked me off the ledge," she rushed out, "So you can thank her later." Erin offered a small smile. "I know…I know I was upset yesterday and I get why you didn't tell me but I really wish you had." She took his hand carefully. "I don't want you to think that you have to protect me from stuff," she whispered, "We've done that before, okay? I don't want to do it again. I want to know the hard stuff, the difficult stuff, all of your stuff too." She stroked his chest gently. "We're better when we worry together."
Jay nodded, just listening to what his girl had to say. She had a point and he knew that keeping things from her really wasn't in the best interest for either of them. "You're right," he said, playing with her fingers carefully, "I shouldn't have skipped over that detail just because I was worried about you." He swallowed. "And I know I shouldn't worry as much as I do but…I can't really help it."
He brought his fingertips to her heart. "Dr. Hsu said your blood pressure was on the higher side and I know yesterday was really stressful for you. I didn't want to add to it." Jay managed a small smile. "But I'm sure it didn't help that you had to find out from Principal Lockhart instead of me."
She shook her head. "Hailey made me some tea. I'm fine, babe. I promise. I just want you to talk to me about this stuff. Especially stuff about our kid." Erin put her hand over his. "I know you want to protect us and I get it. But your girls are tough."
Jay smiled and nodded before leaning forward to kiss her forehead. "I'm sorry," he apologized, "I'll be better, I promise."
Erin shook her head again before wrapping her arms around him as best she could. "You don't have to be better, babe. You just gotta tell me things. That's all." She rested her chin on his chest and peered up at him. "I still love you."
He chuckled and kissed her nose. "I love you too. More than you know."
"Oh, I know you love me," she replied, leaning her head into his chest. "Is this what adult conflict resolution looks like?"
"Maybe we should have Hailey around more often," he teased, "She's good at talking you down." He grinned when Erin looked up at him, brow furrowed. "I'm just teasing, babe."
"You're lucky you have such a good partner," she quipped, "Figured I scared anyone else off." Erin let out a heavy breath. "Your boys are really getting up in my lungs these days."
Jay immediately brought a hand to her tummy. "Are you in pain?"
"No pain. Really." Erin cupped his cheeks with her hands. "I think they're just like their daddy, trying to get me to take it easy." She smiled when he nodded. "I left Diane with a mountain of paperwork to sort through so I have to get back to the office, but I'll meet you at home later, okay?"
"I'm picking up Pipes," he reminded her, "I will be early. Promise."
Got a few requests to dive into Erin's past a bit - thank you for those! There was also a few requests for drama soooooooooooooo I guess you'll have to see what's coming up...