Chapter 2: Luna Lovegood
Once Harry left the room, Hermione took a seat at her desk. She looked at the tear stains on the calendar again. Harry had spotted those so quickly. Had he been looking for them? Hermione sighed as she placed her hands flat on the desk and looked at the items in front of her. There was the large, blank calendar, the stack of summaries she'd read this morning, and the notebook Harry had found on her shelf.
Were there any other items missing that were usually here? Why had she moved her notebook? Why had she started this "personal challenge?" Why had she and Harry argued?
Hermione hated all the endless questions and was slightly relieved that in a few hours, they'd be erased from her mind. But then she'd just spend the entire next day forming them again. How depressing. She straightened up in her chair and grabbed the leatherbound notebook. She was relieved to find a few lines of instructions on the first page.
Every night, record anything you'd like to remember later. Things listed on the pages before the bookmark will stay visible while items listed on the other pages will disappear. Put heavy things there and you'll review those at the end of the month.
There aren't any strict criteria for what to put where, just trust your judgement.
Hermione snorted. So, that's what Harry had meant when he'd said, "I recommend going ahead and writing what happened today in here. You can put it all in the part that disappears, if you want."
Hermione turned to the first page, one of the pages she'd be able to read tomorrow, and began writing.
Harry was angry about an argument we had last night but won't say what it was about.
Harry mentioned something that happened between us on January 13th of this year; he seems sad about it.
I recognized Harry's scent. It was an incredible feeling.
We watched the telly for an hour or so and it felt like old times, so it seems like Harry has forgiven me for whatever I did yesterday.
Hermione stopped writing. That was a lot about Harry. But he had been the only person she'd seen today. She chewed her lip, then added:
I took a long tour of the house.
Heed the warning on the large book on the bottom shelf in the library. I read it today and it was terribly depressing.
Hermione leaned back from the desk and reviewed the page. Was this the sort of thing she was supposed to be writing? She had no idea. She closed the notebook and put it on top of the pile of summaries. She had to admit, the magic on the notebook was impressive. Had she performed the applicable Charms herself? She had earned a N.E.W.T. in the subject, so she must be fairly proficient.
Hermione looked down at the calendar. Next to her note about the personal challenge she added: Try to figure out how this came about - but don't ask Harry. She had no idea how she was going to do that, but thought it was a good goal. Then, at the bottom of the calendar, she wrote: Tip: Use magic as much as possible - don't be afraid to test your limits.
She smiled. Okay, that felt good. Tomorrow would already start out better than today had. Harry was making pancakes in the morning, she could start to investigate this personal challenge mystery, and she could try her hand at more spells, just to give herself something to do.
Now, it was time to investigate the desk. It was one of those desks with a panel at the back that flipped down to reveal a large compartment under the shelf. She ran her fingers along the panel until she found the latch to release it.
Inside there was a large wooden box that filled the space so perfectly, she was sure she'd resized it using magic. As Hermione pulled the box toward her a small book, which had been leaning against the box, fell down. She pulled that out too.
Hermione could tell the box was locked with magic. She picked up her wand and started with an easy spell, "Alohomora."
A few lines of her handwriting appeared at the top of the box. You're only supposed to open this at the end of the month. You'll be tempted to do so earlier, but try your best to refrain. This is a system YOU setup to help yourself and it's imperative that you trust yourself, now more than ever.
Hermione sighed and pushed the box back. This past version of herself was right. In this insane situation, Hermione had to rely on little notes and systems to live - all of which were created by her. Hermione must have had a good reason for looking in that box just once a month. She also probably had a good reason for that damned challenge, even though it would have been nice if she'd left more instruction behind.
Hermione sighed and grabbed the leatherbound notebook again. She took all the lines she'd written before, erased them from the visible section from the notebook, and copied them onto a page after the bookmark. Once the ink dried on the page, the words disappeared.
"Okay. Happy, Hermione?" she said aloud. "I'm following your stupid challenge, though I have no idea why…"
Hermione picked up the book that had fallen. She didn't see the harm in looking through this, since it hadn't been locked up. It was a book of poems. There was a section at the beginning that seemed well worn, titled, Letters to the Sun from the Dark Side of the Moon.
Hermione began to read.
To my dearest love, my brilliant Sun, the world has decided we can no longer be one. So you take the day and I'll take the night, you with your warm, happy glow, me with my cold, lonely night…
Hermione stopped reading. Her heart was beating quickly and it felt like the hairs on her arms were standing on end. She knew this. But...had she read this book of poems before the accident? She flipped to the front and checked the publishing date. No. This book was published last year. What she was "remembering" was something recent.
She flipped to the next page.
And as they said goodbye, the Sun said to the Moon - 'Don't ever change. Stay just as you are and always shine for me.' He'd never understood that she couldn't. That she only ever reflected his light. That without him...she could not shine.
Hermione felt like someone was holding her heart in her hand and squeezing it painfully. The poems seemed to be awakening something in her, a deep, heartbreaking pain. But still, she kept reading, because even though it hurt, she was remembering. Finally!
Like all things that surround you, I was once caught in your gravity. Even now, I am inexplicably drawn to you in a way that time and distance cannot seem to stop. But I stay here, where I am...away from you. Not because I want to...but because I know it would lead to nothing but destruction.
Hermione slammed the book shut. She was crying now and wiped her eyes quickly. No. Whatever pain she'd associated with these poems was too much. She'd rather not know. She put her hand over her heart and took several deep breaths, trying to release the tension there.
But even with the book closed, the lines were floating through her mind.
The world has decided we can no longer be one.
Without him...she could not shine.
But I stay here, where I am...away from you. Not because I want to...
"Stop!" she cried, dropping her head into her hands. Hermione stood up and scanned the bookshelf. Her eyes landed on Hogwarts, a History. Perfect. She shoved the book of poems back inside the space next to the locked box, restored the panel, and went to her bed where she laid on her stomach and began to read her favorite book from school. But the feelings the poems had incited in her were still there and the words wouldn't stop echoing in her mind.
Hermione snatched up her wand and pointed it at the book. She took several deep breaths, then said, "Avifors!"
The book transformed into a lovely, spotted dove. Hermione smiled. She'd done it. But then again, conjuring and transfiguring birds had always come easily to her and she'd known this spell before her accident. She should try something harder. The dove was standing on her bed, cooing curiously. "I'm going to try to transfigure you into a fish, okay?"
The dove cooed. Hermione took a deep breath. Animal to animal Transfiguration was tricky, but it was a N.E.W.T. level spell and apparently, she'd managed it before. She conjured a sphere of water and set it to hover a few feet above the bed. Then she pointed her wand at the bird and spoke the incantation.
A spark came out of her wand, which alarmed the bird and caused it to fly over to her bedside table. Hermione frowned. It hadn't worked. Maybe they'd given her the N.E.W.T. out of pity. She was about to turn the bird back into Hogwarts, a History when Harry's voice came into her mind.
"Your body remembers. Things related to the senses: smells, taste, music, even spells you've learned since. You can remember them as long as you can manage to turn your brain off - which, as you know, is hard for you."
Hermione took a deep breath and tightened her grip on her wand. Since this was a new spell, one she'd learned after the accident, she only knew it in her body, not in her mind. So, she had to try to perform it instinctively. In theory, it made sense, but in practice, she had no idea how to go about that.
She turned toward the bird, pointed her wand at him, and closed her eyes. She focused on her breathing in an effort to clear her mind of other thoughts, then tried to channel her magic. Instead of forcing the wand movement, she tried to let her body take over. She spoke the incantation again. Something happened, she could hear the magic shoot out of her wand, but she was too nervous to open her eyes.
Just look!
"Oh shoot!" She'd created a half-fish/half-bird monstrosity. "Finite Incantatem!" The poor creature was a book again. Hermione smiled. Okay, that was a bit of a disaster, but it was much closer than before. She resolved to try again. She turned the book into a bird and this time, after taking a full minute to count her breaths and truly clear her mind, the spell worked.
She screamed out in joy and began dancing around the room. "I did it! I did it! I'm not completely useless!"
"What happened?! Are you okay?" Hermione jumped at the sight of Harry in the doorway, holding his wand up.
"I - uh - transfigured a book into a bird, then into a fish." She pointed to the green fish swimming around the sphere of water. "I also conjured that water," she added proudly.
Harry rolled his eyes and leaned back against the doorframe, crossing his arms over his chest. "Well, yes, Hermione. You're a witch. You can do magic. You're actually quite good at it. Is this the first you're hearing of it?"
Hermione saw Harry was in his pajamas and hoped she hadn't woken him. "I was just excited because it was a spell I didn't know before the accident, that's all," she explained.
"I get it. Good for you. I'm glad you're not being attacked."
Harry turned to leave and she called after him, "Tomorrow's going to be better!"
"I believe that was my line," he quipped.
She smiled widely, still elated from having performed the spell successfully. All thoughts of those sad poems from earlier were gone. "Today was awful, then I managed to turn it around, thanks to you. I'd be lost without you, Harry."
"That goes both ways, Hermione. Good night."
The next morning, Hermione was sitting at her desk, running through everything she'd learned so far. She'd damaged her mind, her most valuable asset, the thing she'd always drawn her self-worth from, and now it seemed impossible to imagine-
Stop! Don't be overly dramatic, that's not helping anyone.
She took a deep breath. She'd also learned a lot of facts about her friends. At least they were all continuing on with their lives and following their dreams while Hermione stayed stagnant, unable to move forward without the ability to-
Seriously, stop.
It was hard not to be extremely frustrated when she was going at life - how had she put it - "one day at a time." This was a pretty twisted application of that common Muggle phrase. She sighed and looked at the note Harry had written on the calendar for today: Harry's making pancakes (get excited!).
"Fine, Harry. Why not?" Hermione pulled her hair up into a messy bun, then stood up and went to find Harry. Unsurprisingly, she found him at the stove in the kitchen, probably cooking pancakes, as promised. It was a small thing, but seeing him doing what the note upstairs had said he'd be doing was comforting. Like a small oasis of certainty in a vast desert filled with doubt.
Hermione stayed standing in the doorway, watching Harry cook as she took in his altered appearance. He looked different, not very different, but still different than she remembered. Would other things about him be different? Would he act differently? Interact with her differently? She had no idea what she was walking into.
That was a line in the letter, wasn't it? I know it's scary to march into each day without a plan, with no idea what you're walking into, but remember, you're not alone.
But she was alone. Because even though she had friends around her, none of them really knew what she was going through. Hermione herself barely knew because as soon as she figured it out, her mind reset. Tears sprung into her eyes at that thought, then Harry said something, drawing her attention back to the present.
He was looking over his left shoulder at her still standing in the doorway. "I'm sure you're thinking to yourself, 'So, this bloke does know how to cook? That would have been helpful when we were camping and he made me prepare all the meals.'"
Harry smiled and Hermione's heart leapt. He looked a little different, but sounded exactly the same and was joking in the same way he always had. Everything this morning had felt foreign but Harry, Harry she knew. She crossed the room and threw her arms around his middle.
Harry placed one hand over her arms, which she'd linked across his stomach, and he used his other hand to flip one of the pancakes in the pan. "Good morning to you, too," he said warmly.
Hermione blushed but didn't let go of him. She felt safe here and didn't want to let that feeling go yet. "I know I should let go - but I'm threatening to spiral into a deep depression as I continue to think through the ramifications of my accident and this hug is the only thing anchoring me to sanity."
She felt Harry chuckle under her firm grip. "Wow. I didn't realize how critical this hug was."
"Yes. It's of utmost importance," she mumbled into his back.
Harry laughed again. "Okay. Well, hug away. But I should warn you that after these last two pancakes are finished, I'm going to need to start moving around. I can put you into some sort of sling and carry you, if you'd like. I did that with Teddy when he was younger."
Hermione lifted her head and looked around him at the pancakes in the pan. They looked like they needed another few minutes of cooking. "I think after these two pancakes I'll be good."
They were quiet and the only sound was the sizzling of the pan. Harry ran his hand along her arm as he watched the pan, causing goosebumps to rise there. When Harry felt them, he rubbed her arm more vigorously, interpreting (incorrectly) the goosebumps as a sign that Hermione was cold.
He took his hand away to grab the pan and move it off the heat, then he transferred the last two pancakes to a plate. Hermione reluctantly unwrapped her arms and took a step back.
Harry turned and placed his hands on her shoulders. "You're okay, Hermione. Your life is good, I promise."
"Really?"
Harry pulled her into a hug. "Really."
"How do I keep from being severely depressed all the time? This situation is awful."
Harry gently pushed Hermione back and returned his hands to her shoulders. "Yeah. It's pretty bad," he allowed, "but we learned in the war that there are worse fates than memory loss."
Hermione nodded and looked down at the floor, slightly ashamed, but Harry lifted her chin so she was facing him again. "I wasn't scolding you, really. And honestly, sometimes you do sit around feeling sorry for yourself. Just yesterday you spent hours in the library doing just that. But you can't do that every day. That's what I'm here for."
"There's a library?" Hermione asked hopefully. There hadn't been a library in Grimmauld Place before, but she'd noticed the house had been renovated.
Harry let out a laugh and turned to grab the plate of pancakes. "Yes, there's a library. But first, pancakes."
As they ate at the table, Hermione saw Harry working on some sort of calendar. She leaned forward and saw he'd made a spot for every day of the week and was listing out different meals for lunch and dinner.
When he saw her watching him, he explained, "You used to have a lot more notes on your desk. General notes about the house, a chore chart, meal plan,-" he motioned at the parchment he was working on, "- and a schedule with recurring events - like how you're supposed to make potions on Tuesdays and see Luna every other Thursday."
"Oh. What happened to those notes?" Those would have been really helpful.
"I think you hid them as part of your personal challenge to live one day at a time. But, I'm sorry to inform you that some of those were practical, like this. I'll stick it on the fridge and hopefully it won't interfere with your challenge too much."
She could tell Harry was irked by her "one day at a time" challenge and before she recalled the note on her calendar that said not to ask Harry about the challenge, she did just that. "How did this whole personal challenge come about?"
Harry's expression darkened but he recovered quickly. He got up and put the meal plan on the refrigerator and when he sat back down, his face was blank. "You decided that one on your own."
Hermione had finally remembered the note on her calendar not to bring this topic up with Harry and was about to apologize (though she didn't know for what) when Harry waved her off. "It's fine, Hermione. It's important that you trust yourself. So, if some past version of you thought it would be a good idea to erase all the little tools helping you stay sane, well, I guess we should trust her. Right?"
Hermione had no idea what to say to that, so she just shrugged. She looked back at the meal plan and asked, desperate to change the subject, "Was I making the same thing over and over? All my favorite meals? Is that why we needed a meal plan?"
Harry gave her a sad smile before getting up and clearing the plates. "No," he said quickly, turning for the sink. "You were making my favorite meals," he added over his shoulder.
"Oh." Hermione wondered why that made him sad. Maybe because she asked this every day and he was sick of answering the same questions over and over.
"How many times have I asked that?"
Harry set the dishes and pan to washing in the sink before joining her back at the table. "The most repetitive conversation we have is this one, about repetitive conversations. It's the thing you're most self-conscious about and I tell you every time that I don't mind. Honestly, we don't repeat things as often as you'd think."
Hermione nodded to herself. She wondered if the reason they didn't repeat things much was precisely because she was so self-conscious about the topic. She could see herself steering clear of questions about the past - figuring those had been covered - and focusing more on the present and future.
Harry nudged her arm to get her attention. "Hey. Are you up to coming to work with me today?"
"At the Auror Office?"
"Yes."
"Oh - uh - what will I do?"
"Code-breaking. Using your very comprehensive knowledge of Runes, Arithmancy, and finding patterns in chaos."
Hermione smiled. That sounded like a lot of fun. "And I've done this before?"
"Yes. The work can be a bit tedious, but you're very good at it and don't seem to mind."
"No, I don't mind." She was just excited at the prospect at getting to do something productive, something she'd previously believed impossible. "I should get dressed." Hermione noticed then that Harry wasn't wearing Auror robes. Was he still in training? She thought even in training Aurors wore special robes.
Hermione looked behind her at the clock on the wall. It was a few minutes before eight o'clock. "Is it okay that we're late? Should I meet you there?"
Harry shook his head and picked up the Prophet, which Hermione hadn't noticed on the table before. "You're fine, take your time. I can be late. I'm Harry Potter," he joked.
"Right," she smiled. "I'm sure you practically run the place."
Harry let out a laugh. "Not quite."
"Okay. I'll be quick." Hermione rose and went back upstairs to get ready. In the bathroom, she saw that Harry had written a note on the top corner of the mirror in bright blue letters: This house is yours, too; help yourself to anything.
Hermione smiled, then leaned forward and assessed her hair critically in the mirror. She investigated the roots and checked a few curls. If she had to guess, she'd washed it yesterday, or maybe the day before. She didn't need to wash it now. As Hermione took a quick shower, she thought that a small calendar in the bathroom to record the last time she'd washed her hair and when her time of the month was coming would be useful.
According to Harry, she'd had little notes like this for herself but got rid of them for some reason. Then the next day, she hadn't left herself any notes about why, which was probably why she had that instruction on the calendar to try to find out why the challenge to live one day at a time had come about. How odd. It didn't sound like something she'd do.
Hermione tried to push it out of her mind, since there wasn't anything to be done for it now. She got dressed and went downstairs to meet Harry, who was still reading the Prophet in the kitchen.
Harry and Hermione Floo-ed to the Ministry and made it to the Auror Offices without seeing anyone Hermione remembered, or worse, someone who remembered her but who she didn't remember meeting. Harry talked to a few people along the way, but no one said anything to Hermione, which was fine by her.
"Are we going to see Ron?" she asked excitedly when they reached Harry's desk. She was craning her neck, looking around for red hair.
"No, sorry. He's in the field today. I sent him a message that you'd be here today and he's going to try to stop by if he can."
"Oh." Hermione tried to hide her disappointment.
Harry wrapped an arm around her. "Don't worry about Ron. He's perfectly safe and happy and you actually see him all the time. Now come on." He led her to an office at the end of the row of desks.
"This is where you'll be working today. You've written yourself notes on what to do, should have all the reference texts you need, and you saw where I sit, in case you need anything. If I'm not there, send an interoffice memo. I'll come and get you for lunch sometime around noon, okay?"
Hermione nodded and took a tentative step into the office. Harry gave her a final smile before leaving and with him gone, she felt incredibly alone. It hit her like a sharp pain in her chest. She took a few deep breaths and carefully closed the door, then went to investigate the notes Harry had mentioned.
It took Hermione about an hour to get the hang of the work but once she was into it, she worked quickly and efficiently and was even finding it a little fun. Harry was right, it was a bit tedious, but she'd never minded work like that before. The end result of decoding a large passage of random symbols was incredibly satisfying.
She also thought she was a good person for this job since she'd have no memory of all the sensitive information she was seeing. She wondered who had thought of this work for her, Harry or Ron? Even before the question finished forming in her mind, she knew the answer.
After work, Harry and Hermione decided to walk back home since the weather was nice. Hermione was going on about her day of code-breaking and how good it had felt to be able to do something useful and to use magic. She hadn't known why she had assumed she'd suddenly be bad at magic with her condition, but all the spells she'd known before were intact. Better, even, perhaps since her mind was less cluttered with other thoughts.
"You've learned spells since," Harry chimed in. "Just last night you transfigured a book into a bird, then into a fish and were quite pleased with yourself."
Hermione stopped on the pavement. "I did that? Animal to animal Transfiguration? But that's a new skill. How is that possible?"
Harry grabbed her elbow and pulled her to the side just before a Muggle man behind her, who was barreling along and not looking where he was going, ran into her. "I believe magical ability and all the spells we've truly mastered live mostly in our bodies," he replied in a low voice, so they weren't overheard. "Your mind resets each night, but your body doesn't," he explained.
"But the body is controlled by the mind," she argued.
"True. Though different parts of the mind control different things, right? You told me that. So, the part of your brain that runs the body and instinctual functions has been unaffected by the accident."
"Interesting," Hermione said thoughtfully.
"I'm glad you had a good day," Harry said as he motioned for them to continue walking.
"Did you have a good day? What did you do?"
"My day was fine. Better than most, actually. I got to help with training today which is my favorite part of the job. We were working on hand to hand combat and channeling wandless magic during fights. Like a practice for what to do when you've lost your wand."
"You're not an Auror in the field, like Ron? You train Aurors? That's perfect for you. Like an elevated version of the DA."
Harry nodded and kept his gaze forward. She saw his jaw twitch slightly. "Yeah, I like training. But I'm not the main trainer. I just assist him sometimes. I'm a - I don't know - assistant? Helper? Or, uh, mascot," he turned to her and smiled. "That's what you called it. I just do random work around the office. From setting up on-call schedules, to training, to contracting out code-breaking work." He nudged her arm.
"Wait. Are you implying I got paid for that?!" Hermione asked.
"For doing a full-day of hard work that not many people can do? Of course you were paid."
Hermione smiled. "Wow. That's - that feels good."
"Yeah."
Hermione realized then that Harry had deftly moved the conversation from the topic of his job back to her work. She attempted to move it back.
"So, the odd-jobs around the office thing. How did that come about?"
Harry shrugged. "I didn't want to be a field Auror but the Auror Office and the Ministry didn't want to lose their association with Harry Potter. They made this random job magically appear out of thin air. I didn't have any other options, so I took it and I sort of like it."
"But you were going to be an Auror. That was the plan. What changed?"
"Please don't say me, please don't say me, please don't say me," she chanted in her mind.
Harry shrugged again. "I took to it quickly. The first round of training usually takes two years and I did it in half the time, thanks to you."
"Me?"
"Yeah. The Defense Against the Dark Arts parts were really easy but I struggled with all the Transfiguration and disguising parts. Luckily, it was around the same time you were pursuing your N.E.W.T. in that subject. We studied together."
"I got my N.E.W.T.s?!" Hermione didn't see how this was possible with her condition.
"Most of them," Harry nodded. "You never managed Herbology and Runes. Too much memorization was required for those. Though you tried very hard. Too hard. Damn, that was a crazy few months. You nearly killed yourself."
"What did I do?"
"You took all these stamina potions so you could stay up for three-days straight, two days to study as much as you could, then a day for the test. You got close twice in both subjects, but just missed the required score to earn an Acceptable. You were about to go for a third round when Ginny and I staged an intervention."
Hermione smiled to herself. "That does sound like something I would do." But as she thought about it now, she wasn't disappointed. She was impressed she'd managed to earn a N.E.W.T. in any subject, and it sounded like she'd earned them in the hardest ones: Transfiguration and Arithmancy. She wondered what sort of advanced spells she could do and whether they were hovering just under the surface of her skin, ready to be called upon.
Hermione looked back at Harry and realized he'd changed the topic of his career back to her again, knowing full well the subject of N.E.W.T.s would distract her.
Nice try, Harry.
"Back to you. Tell me why you dropped out after you got through training so fast."
Harry shrugged. "The next step was field work for the next three to four years. I realized quickly I didn't want to be in the field. I guess I got enough of that while we were hunting horcruxes. I told them I was leaving and they made up that job to entice me to stay. I felt really guilty at the time, you know I don't like getting things for my fame, but you helped me get past that." Harry turned to smile at her.
"You reminded me that I'd done my time and that if I hadn't defeated Voldemort, we'd all be in a far worse spot. And you pointed out that while everyone had been enjoying normal, carefree childhoods, I'd been doing the work of an Auror, so why not sit back and take an easy job, for a bit?"
"That all sounds very sensible and I'm glad you're not a field Auror and that you have a flexible, non-stressful job. That's exactly what you deserve, Harry."
They'd reached Grimmauld Place and Harry removed the wards around the house and opened the door for Hermione.
"And Ron?" she asked as she stepped through the door. "Is his job dangerous?"
"Honestly. Yes. At times. But he's good, and his partner, Dawlish, is one of the most qualified. You probably remember him."
Hermione nodded.
"Don't worry about Ron." Harry took his outer robes off and put them in the closet, then held his hand out for Hermione's robes.
Once Harry had hung them up and turned back to Hermione, she said, "Thank you for today. That was a lot better than I thought it was going to be when I read that letter this morning."
Harry smiled. "Good. I thought you needed the pick-me-up. Like I said, you had a bad day yesterday. And I know you forget what happened, but I think the feelings stay with you. Hopefully, this good mood you're in now will carry over to tomorrow."
Harry patted her arm and went past her to the kitchen but Hermione stayed in the hall as she considered what he'd said and compared it with the rest of his actions today. He knew she'd be sad this morning (and she had been) so he'd written her a note on her calendar, left another on her mirror, and made pancakes for her, even though it made him late for work.
He'd found work he knew would energize her and besides those big things, had been extremely attentive to her all day. It was a bit unnerving since she'd never had anyone pay her that much mind since - well - since she'd been a kid living at home. It was usually Hermione who was floating around, trying to keep Harry and Ron happy, but now, their roles had switched.
"Are you okay eating leftover stew for dinner?" Harry called from the kitchen. "I brought it back last night from a pub. You've had it before and you like it."
"Sure. Sounds good," she called back.
Hermione slowly walked into the kitchen and put her hands on the back of a chair as she watched Harry heat up what she guessed was her stew on the stove and begin making himself a sandwich. He stopped when he noticed her watching him. "What's wrong?"
"How did you get the job as my handler?"
"Ah," Harry nodded and turned back toward the counter. "I applied for the post and beat out all the applicants. It was a very rigorous selection process with multiple stages and all that."
Hermione rolled her eyes. "I'm serious."
"Me too!" he countered. "Hang on." Harry took the pot off the stove and poured it into a bowl and placed his sandwich on a plate. He brought the dishes to the table, setting the bowl in front of Hermione before taking a seat.
"So, anyway," Harry continued. "There were all these hoops you made us fly through, interviews, aptitude tests, a show of skills-"
"A test of your bravery and daring?" she provided.
Harry nodded. "Exactly. I did pretty well in that one. That's where I got my edge."
"Ah. Well, I see you won. Who came in second?"
Harry thought about this, biting the inside of his cheek. Then, he grinned. "Cormac McLaggen."
"Hah!"
"Oh, yeah," Harry said seriously. "And in a funny twist of irony, he was about to win - during the test of skills - when Ron Confunded him."
Hermione was laughing fully now and soon Harry joined in. When their laughing died down, Harry nudged her foot with his. "Really, though. Being your friend isn't work, Hermione. Please, write that down and read it every day."
Hermione smiled back at him, then tasted her stew. She did like it, just like he'd said she would. So far, Harry hadn't been wrong about anything when it came to her. He seemed to be the Hermione expert, knowing even more about her than she did.
"But if it were a job," Harry said thoughtfully, his gaze focused on the opposite wall, "I would have definitely applied."
"And won," she added.
Harry looked back at her, his green eyes shining with amusement. "Of course."
The next morning, Hermione was sitting at her desk, reading Luna's summary a second time, since Hermione had seen on her calendar that she was supposed to be spending the day with her.
Luna Lovegood
Luna is currently training to be a magizoologist. It was her boyfriend, Rolf Scamander (Newt Scamander's grandson, who was a Hufflepuff six years ahead of Luna in school) who got her into that line of work.
She is very well-suited to the subject since she has an intense love for all living things and is captivated by anything unique. She loves every magical creature she comes across, even those that many others would snub as useless or gross.
Luna and Rolf live in a very chaotic house just outside Bodmin, where they house a large amount of "pets." Luna writes occasionally for the Quibbler, showcasing different rare creatures and has mended her relationship with her father.
Harry has forgiven Xenophilius (not surprisingly) but Ron is still incredibly bitter towards the man. You go back and forth. Luna isn't sore about it; she understands.
Hermione pushed back and reviewed the other items on her desk. There was the large calendar that was mostly blank, a leather bound notebook that she was supposed to use at the end of the day that was also blank, and a letter she'd written herself the night before concerning her challenge for the month; to live one day at a time.
The letter explained that before the challenge she'd left a lot more practical notes for herself but had suddenly decided to ditch them, to Harry's confusion and irritation. The letter also said that on August 1st, she'd set a secondary challenge for herself to figure out how the first challenge had come about but warned that Harry shouldn't be asked about it, since it seemed to make him sad.
It was all very confusing but it was sort of like a puzzle and Hermione loved puzzles. Maybe, Hermione could ask Luna about this challenge while they were at the animal shelter later. She considered ignoring the notes about Harry and asking him about the challenge again, since he must know something about it and maybe she could glean more from him than her past self had.
Ultimately, Hermione decided against this plan and resolved to trust her past self. If she couldn't trust these little notes she'd left herself, then what could she trust in this crazy new situation she found herself?
As if in answer to that question, there was a knock on her door followed by Harry's voice. "Hermione?"
Hermione jumped, then rushed to her feet. She checked her reflection in the mirror above the dresser, but that just confirmed that her hair looked like a bird's nest. She pulled it back into a ponytail but that wasn't much of an improvement.
"Hermione? Are you okay?"
"Uh, yeah."
Relax, Hermione. It's Harry, he's seen you at your worst. He doesn't care that your hair is a mess. It'll be fine. Just open the door.
Once she opened the door, Harry stepped back into the hall and gave her a chance to take in his altered appearance. When she hadn't said anything for several minutes he asked tentatively, "How about a hug?"
She nodded and nearly threw herself into his arms.
"Are you feeling okay?" he whispered into her hair.
Hermione nodded again into his chest. This felt perfect and she sort of wished she started her day like this, with a giant hug from Harry before reading all the letters from herself.
"I know it's scary. But you're okay," Harry was saying. "You're surrounded by people who love you, me more than anyone, and you always enjoy your days with Luna."
Harry stepped back and moved his hands to her arms and Hermione almost pulled him back into a hug, since she hadn't been ready for it to end, yet. She noticed he was studying her face intently.
"I'm sorry to come barging up here but I have to be at work early today. I just wanted to check on you and let you know that Luna will pick you up at 8:30. You need to wear clothes that cover your arms and legs, even though it's pretty hot today, and there are a few potions you always bring, but Luna should know the details when she arrives - just remind her since she can be forgetful."
Hermione nodded.
Harry was searching her face again. "Did you get all that? Do you want me to repeat it or write it down?"
Hermione smiled and Harry visibly relaxed. "I got it, thanks. 8:30, long sleeves and pants, don't forget the potions, because Luna might." Hermione smiled again and added, "I'm sure we make quite a pair, with her tendency to get distracted and me not knowing what the hell is going on in the first place."
"You do alright together," he replied.
Harry was still studying her and Hermione suddenly felt self-conscious. "What is it?" she asked, raising her hands to pat down her frizzy hair.
"Nothing."
"Tell me. Otherwise I'm just going to think the worst."
Harry sighed. "You're so manipulative, like a regular Slytherin."
Hermione tried to push him but he caught her wrist, expecting the movement. "I was just thinking that I love days like today when you're smiling and joking this early in the morning," he explained. "It usually takes longer. Anyway-" he paused to look down at his watch. "I do need to go. I'm glad you're feeling good this morning and I hope you have a lovely day. I'll see you later."
"Harry!" Hermione called when he'd nearly reached the stairs. He stopped and turned back to face her. "Um, it's really good to see you," she said in a rush. "I know I just saw you like - several hours ago but - uh-"
"I get it. It's good to see you, too."
Once Harry had disappeared down the stairs, Hermione went to the bathroom to get ready. She saw two notes from Harry written on the mirror. The first one said simply: This house is yours, too; help yourself to anything.
There was a second, longer note underneath that said: Being your friend isn't work, babysitting, a chore, boring, or repetitive. I love having you in my life and would be lost without you.
For some reason, that second note made Hermione tear up, perhaps because she'd just been wondering how awful her condition must be for her friends. She committed the lines to memory as she brushed her teeth. Well, I'll have it memorized for today, at least, she amended in her mind. Then tomorrow, she'd just memorize them all over again.
Luna looked exactly like Hermione remembered. The only difference was that her style was more eclectic now that she wasn't hampered by school dress codes. She barely acknowledged Hermione's condition, which Hermione found unsurprising, and when it was time to Apparate to the animal shelter, Luna nearly left Hermione behind.
"I don't know where we're going," Hermione pointed out.
"Oh. Right," Luna said as she absently held her arm out for Hermione to hold.
The animal shelter was nothing like Hermione expected. She knew it wouldn't be like the Muggle animal shelters, which looked like small jails for cats and dogs, but she had been expecting something closer to that than what she actually encountered. The "shelter," which Hermione had determined was far too simple a word for this place, was massive.
It was as large as an airplane hangar. And even more impressive than the size was the fact that every possible habitat Hermione could imagine, from deserts, to mountains, to forests, to fields, to the bottom of the ocean, had been replicated in this giant space. And there were no cages, just magical barriers, which made the whole thing feel more real.
As they walked through the building a few people greeted Hermione and she waved back politely. "Do they know about me?" she whispered to Luna.
"Yeah. Would you like me to reintroduce you?"
Hermione shook her head, then asked. "Do I ever say yes to that question?"
Luna thought about it for a moment. "No. But sometimes I reintroduce you without asking," she added matter-of-factly.
Hermione let out a snort and followed Luna as she led them to the edge of one of the underwater sanctuaries. There were countless large spheres of water that held everything from tiny plimpies to large hippocampus. The sphere Luna stopped in front of was filled with gorgeous, colorful fish of all shapes and sizes.
Hermione let out a girlish squeal when she recognized a school of unicorn fish. They were small, beautiful fish about the size of her palm that looked like a cross between a rainbow fish and narwhal. "Oh my God! I've never seen these in person!"
"That you remember," Luna pointed out.
"Oh. Uh, right. Well, it's exciting all the same. These are exceedingly rare. I thought they were dying out, but there are so many here."
Luna nodded. "They were dying out because of all the trash in the oceans from the Muggles. They get their horns stuck in it and can't break away, then eventually die of starvation. But you created a solution for that problem."
Hermione looked away from the fish back at Luna. "Me?"
"Yes. You. We needed a way to give them protection akin to a Shield Charm, but as you know, charms fade with time and even if we had a way to extend their efficacy, it's not reasonable to go into the ocean and cast Shield Charms on every unicorn fish we see."
Hermione nodded. "Yeah. So, what did I do?"
"You made a potion similar to a Shield Charm. The protection didn't need to be as powerful as a real Shield Charm, since it was guarding against trash, not spells, so it lasts a lot longer. Up to a year, we think, but haven't completed all the testing."
"Oh." Hermione turned back to the fish. "How is a potion easier to administer than a spell?"
"The merpeople can't cast spells, but they can administer a potion and they were eager to help. In their society, unicorn fish are very important. Anyway, with some help from Glinda, the black-haired witch we saw first today, they set up a sort of gun, for lack of a better word, that sprays the potion underwater.
"The merpeople already have rituals to go hunting these fish - not to kill, just to capture and keep in their homes - so, on those trips they've been spraying the potion at as many unicorn fish as they can. We've already seen substantial increases in their numbers."
"But if the unicorn fish are not as rare, will they still be special to the merpeople and will the merpeople still cooperate?"
"I'm not sure. You're very pessimistic, Hermione," Luna said sternly. "This is a good thing. You should celebrate the fact that you had a big hand in keeping this species from dying out."
"Right. Of course."
Luna motioned toward the bag filled with potion vials that they'd packed back at the house. "That's what those are for," Luna explained. "I'm surprised you didn't read about this in that list of accomplishments Harry wrote out for you."
"Wait. What? There's a list of accomplishments? You mean to say I've done more than making this Shield Charm potion?"
Luna looked at her oddly. "It's been two years since your accident, Hermione. Of course you've accomplished things. Do you think you've been sitting around doing nothing? Do you think we, as your friends, would let you do that?"
Luna looked offended at the insinuation and Hermione rushed to explain. "Of course not. This missing list must be part of my personal challenge. It must go along with why my calendar is blank, as is the notebook I'm supposed to write in at night."
"Blank? Your entire calendar?"
Hermione nodded.
"And the photo album and all the other notes. Are those gone, too?"
"Yes. There's some challenge I set for myself; to live one day at a time, but I have no idea why."
"Oh. That sounds a bit extreme, Hermione. That wasn't the intent of the challenge, to completely erase everything. But I see how you would do that, you're very all or nothing."
"Wait. You know something about this?"
"Yes. It was my idea," Luna said proudly.
"What?" Hermione couldn't believe her luck. She thought she'd be working on this mystery all month, adding to that initial letter any new information she discovered each day. But it was just the third day of the month and she'd already found the person who knew all about it. "Can you tell me how this all came about?"
Luna thought about it for a second. "Yeah. I suppose I can do that."
Just then, a flying seahorse shot out of the water. Luna caught it deftly and bent over to inspect the creature. "Hello, little guy. Let me take a quick look at your wings. Hermione, can you hand me the purple jar in my bag?"
Hermione handed over the jar and watched Luna spread a silver paste over the creature's wings. Hermione bit her tongue. She wanted to know about this challenge but Luna was completely focused on the seahorse. Come on, Luna! Hurry up!
When Luna had put the creature back in the water, Hermione looked at her expectantly. It took Luna a moment to catch on. "Oh, right. One day at a time."
"Yes. What happened?"
"A few days ago, Monday, to be exact, you were doing your end of month review, where you look at all your notes, the things you've put in that hidden part of your notebook each night, past info you haven't included in your summaries on all of us-"
"Yes, I understand the concept," Hermione cut in. "What happened?"
"You were in the library crying when I popped my head in through the Floo. I was going to ask...what was it...was it about brewing more of this potion? No, I didn't know we were running low then. Maybe it was-"
"It doesn't matter. Just tell me what happened."
"Okay," Luna continued. "When I saw you crying, I went over to your house. You were, uh, spiraling. On the verge of a nervous breakdown, I believe." She said this calmly, as if this weren't that big of a deal.
"Why?"
Luna bit her lip. "Now this is tricky, because I don't think I'm supposed to say. Let's just say you were overwhelmed by, uh, a lot of different things and having trouble picking out your true desires and feelings in a sea of confused thoughts. So, I recommended the reset."
"A reset? Is that a joke? I reset every day."
"Yes, I know that. But you were under the impression that the large amount of notes you'd accumulated along with the photos, calendar, all that, were muddling things up. You were having trouble picking out what was truly you and what was you doing what you thought you were supposed to be doing, based on outside influences."
Hermione was thoroughly confused. "That doesn't make sense."
Luna shrugged. "I'm used to not making sense to others but I'm not sure how else to put it."
"Okay...So, I threw away all these notes and such, and now I'm starting each day feeling especially uneasy. How is that a good idea?"
Luna crossed her arms in annoyance. "The idea was for you to take a pause. To remove anything from your morning routine that might bias your view of your life and just live." Luna put her hands on Hermione's arms for emphasis. "Simply live."
"Then - and this is the part you missed - you need to reflect at the end of the day - really, truly, reflect. Ask yourself what the best part was. What the worst part was. What do you want? What are you scared of? Things like that. Then by the end of the month you can review all the responses and look for patterns to get a true sense of what's important to you in your life."
"I - oh. That doesn't sound completely terrible. It's like those meditation retreats Muggles go on."
"Sure." Luna's attention had been drawn back to the fish.
"I guess I need to add those questions to my notebook. And I should maybe list out that thing you said about pausing and removing biases. And, I should give myself assurances that I know things are harder than they need to be, but that it's just for a month."
"That should work," Luna said, clearly distracted now, but Hermione didn't care. She was glad to have some clarity.
"I'd left a note for myself to not talk to Harry about the challenge because it makes him sad and annoyed. Do you know what that's about?"
"Yes."
"Can you tell me?"
"I could. But I don't think I will."
"That is extremely frustrating," Hermione grumbled.
"I'm not surprised you think so."
"But the rest of it - it was really helpful. Thanks."
"You're welcome. Now, can we focus back on the animals? I've spotted another flying seahorse that needs this ointment on his wings but I need your help enticing him out of the water."
"Yeah, sure. What do you need me to do?"
A/N: All the poems in this story are from Ranata Suzuki. Thanks to my beta reader, Lancashire Witch, and thanks to all of you for reading!