The first time Kurt heard The Question, it came out of his own mouth.
He couldn't help it back then; he was just a kid.
It was the evening after his mother's birthday celebration, he was four and the only other person in the house was his Dad, sitting in the kitchen and quietly sipping a beer.
Little Kurt's had the question nagging at the back of his brain ever since his cousin Jerry started talking about the new baby, the one Jerry's mom carried around in her belly. Kurt wasn't stupid, he knew that was where babies lived before they came into the world. There were no storks that just dopped the babies off on the threshold, like all the kids in the kindergarten said; Kurt knew storks had enough trouble with their own babies, he saw a couple the year before on their trip to Columbus.
And so he stood up from the TV, showing the boring news with crushed cars and exploding buildings, and walked over to the kitchen door. His Dad sat at the table, driking and reading a newspaper.
Kurt thought his Dad looked strange when he was alone, without mom; like he was lost, or sad. Which was a little stupid - mom was just at the airport, seeing her family off.
Looking at his socked feet, Kurt quietly stepped onto the tiled kitchen floor. His Dad didn't notice – he was still reading the newspaper. Kurt hoped it was the daily comic at least; there was nothing else interesting, he checked every day.
He climbed into a chair opposite his Dad, who finally raised his head. His lips curled into a smile.
"What is it, buddy?" he asked, setting his bottle aside. Kurt liked the way his Dad's eyes lit up whenever he talked to him.
He intertwined his fingers and put his hands on the table to look more serious. He'd seen it on the TV; everyone always listened to people when they sat like that.
"Daddy...where do babies come from?"
His Dad choked, even though he wasn't driking the beer anymore. His eyes went really big, almost like he was one of the characters from the cartoons Kurt watched every morning.
"Why are you...uh, why do you ask, son?"
Kurt shrugged.
"Cousin Jerry was talking about Auntie May and the baby and how she has a huge belly and couldn't come because it wouldn't fit into the plane and I know that babies grow in bellies, but how do they get there?" he blew out in one breath and stared at his Dad with big, unbliking eyes in aticipation.
"Your...uhm...teachers didn't tell you? In the kindergarten? There are these huge birds, they're called storks, and..."
"Nuh-uh!" Kurt interrupted him, "I'm not stupid, Daddy, that's what they tell the little kids! Storks have their own babies, Mommy showed me." He couldn't believe his Dad thought he was too little to know. He was almost five, just one more year until he could start real, grown-up school!
"Why don't you ask Mommy, then?" his Dad replied, rubbing his face like he had an itch.
Kurt shrugged again. "Mommy's not here and I want to know now."
"Well, it's...it's complicated, you know?"
"I'm not little, I'll understand!" Kurt pouted.
"There's...well, you know babies come out of their mommy's belly, right?" Kurt nodded.
"And there's...uh...there's this...thing."
"What thing, Daddy?"
Kurt thought his Dad looked a little green when he sighed and took a deep breath.
"It's a...place. You know? A secret place, and when a mommy wants to have a baby, she has to go there and meet those two...angels."
Kurt eyes grew wide as saucers.
"Angles? Like the ones in the books? With wings and halos and white clothes?"
"Exactly. And the mommy has to ask the angels for a baby, and if they think she will be a good mommy, they give her a baby."
"That's all?"
"Uh-huh. Then the mommy has to drink a tea from a special plant, and..."
"A special plant?" Kurt interrupted, intrigued.
"Yep. It grows in a secret place only the angels know about. It's very hard to find, that's why some mommies can't have babies even if they want to very much. Without the plant, it's not possible."
"So...Mommy found the angels and drank the tea and then she had me?"
"Sure she did. But all the mommies have to eat the right things and rest a lot, so the baby can grow."
His Dad looked better now, his eyes twinkling, but he was playing with his hands on the tabletop, like he didn't know what to do with them.
"How do they know when does the baby want to come out? And how does it?"
"There's a special...doctor. When the baby wants to come out of it's mommy's belly, it starts squriming, you know, like...like a worm, and the doctor opens the belly and pulls it out."
"He opens the belly?" Kurt replied, scared eyes wide.
"Don't worry. It's not as horrible as it sounds. The mommies know they will have to have their bellies opened if they want a baby."
Kurt hesitantly nodded. It made sense, but...
"Why do only mommies have babies? Can't daddies have them in their bellies, too?"
His Dad sputtered the beer he started drinking again.
"They...uhm...they can, Kurt. But not all of them...and even if they do, the angels usually don't want, uh, don't want to give them babies, you know?"
Kurt frowned. "Why?"
"It's...when the angels were born, very long ago, only mommies could have babies. That's the way they think it should work, and they only give babies to a few very lucky daddies. They have to impress them...you know what that means, right?"
"They have to be really good," Kurt nodded. He wasn't little, he knew long words.
"Right."
"I think I understand. See, I told you!" Kurt jumped to the floor excitedly, doing a happy dance. His dad was the best; now, he had something he could brag about in front of his classmates. He knew where babies came from!
His Dad finally smiled.
"That you did. You're smart after your Mom, kiddo."
Kurt smiled, too, and hugged his Dad around the neck.
"Thanks, Daddy!" Laughing, he ran out of the kitchen and up the stairs to his room, never hearing the relieved sigh Burt let out into his newspaper.
Kurt never let his Dad forget that conversation. When he first told Noah, the older man laughed so hard he couldn't breathe and one look at his father-in-law triggered a round of giggles.
Kurt, too, could laugh about it for hours, even years later.
Until he heard The Question for the second time.
It was the first time he'd had to answer it.
It was a quiet evening in the Hummel-Puckerman household. Kurt's husband was working a night shift and Kurt himself was relaxing in front of the TV after a rather long, exhausting day.
He'd had to finish a jacket design before nine in the morning, go bring it to his boss, get the kids ready for school (and with them being twins and wanting to wear the same things, it was no easy task; especially since Jared was a boy and Sandy a girl, a fact that neither of them seemed to comprehend) so Noah could drive them, meet up with Rachel for a long overdue coffee, shop for groceries, pick the kids up and entertain them for the rest of the day. He was beat and only staying up to watch the news to be up to date with the rest of the world.
Well, until soft footsteps started echoing in the hallway and Sandy's curly head appeared in the doorway. Kurt was instantly alert.
"What happened, sweetheart?" Sandy shrugged and sat on the couch next to him.
"I can't sleep, Daddy," she sniffed.
"Is it Jared? He won't leave you alone again? I can go talk to him..." he started to rise, but a small hand on his wrist stopped him.
"No...it's...kids in school. They made fun of me today, because I don't know where babies come from!"
She was on the verge of crying, and he took her into his arms instinctively even before he could fully register what she said.
Once he did, Kurt tensed. Sandy got along with all of her classmates; she was cute, smart and didn't pick fights, unlike her brother. She liked them and wouldn't blame them for something that didn't happen. Which meant one thing – she was telling the truth. And that, subsequently, mean another thing – she was going to ask him The Question.
He stopped the soothing motion of his hand on her back, mortified.
If this is how his dad felt all those year ago, he was never going to make fun of him again.
He felt the soft sniffs subside and her small body lay contendedly in his arms. For a moment, he dared hope Sandy had fallen asleep. Until –
"Daddy? Where do babies come from? Mrs. Weatherby said storks bring them, but cousin Francis told me that's not true!" She said distressedly.
Kurt smiled despite the situation. He could only imagine what answer could "uncle Finn" give his daughter. Probably something about birds and bees – it was very much like his stepbrother to confuse one talk with another.
"What about the other kids?" Kurt asked. Sandy turned her big, blue eyes on him.
"Billy Mack told me his parents picked him out in a store!"
"I hope you know that's not true, honey."
Sandy nodded. "That's why I asked Grandpa."
Kurt sputtered, barely stopping a coughing fit. He was pretty sure his eyes were going to pop out of their sockets.
"You asked Grandpa Burt?"
"I did! He went all red and told me to ask you, though..."
Wow. Thanks, Dad.
Kurt sighed.
"Where do you think babies come from?"
Sandy sat up straighter, all traces of sleep gone from her eyes. "From their mommy's belly!"
Kurt smiled. "You know you and Jared don't come from a mommy's belly though, don't you?"
"Of course I do! We grew up in your belly!"
"That's right. What you don't know is how the two of you got there, right?"
Sandy shook her head, wide eyes fixed on his face.
Kurt actually had no idea what to say – his dad's story about angels and the mysterious plant wouldn't hold out if Sandy's classmates asked her what she knew, and he wasn't telling his kid about the cabbage patch.
In the end, the only thing he could think of was the truth. In the G-rated version, of course – which he only could do without Noah in the room. His husband would no doubt add a few obscenities just for the joy of it, scarring their daughter for life.
He took a deep breath. Now to the hard part...
"Well, uh...you know that me and Dad love each other very much," he started. Sandy nodded seriously, barely breathing in excitement.
"And when two people love each other, they want someone else they can love too, like me and Dad have you and Jared." She nodded again.
"So there's this special, umm...grownup game. When two grownups want to have a baby, they have to play it. They cuddle and kiss and do this...special, uh...grownup hug. And that's how a baby is created."
Sandy frowned. She blinked a couple of times, they returned her gaze to her father's face.
"So you don't have to eat the baby?"
Kurt laughed heartily. "No, honey. Who told you that?"
The little girl pouted before crossing her arms on her chest. "Selena. She's mean."
Kurt gave his daughter a hug, still chuckling.
"Well, don't believe her, sweetie. There are no fairies that bring babies, either, they don't grow on trees and they don't have them in the mall, okay? You will be the celverest little girl in the whole class now that you know where they really come from." Sandy beamed at him, blue light from the muted TV screen making her eyes seem almost liquid.
"Thank you so much, Daddy!"
Suddendly feeling very tired, Kurt sighed contendedly and tucked his daughter's head under his chin.
"You're welcome, baby," he said before letting his eyelids fall.
When Noah came home early in the morning, he found the two of them curled up together, Sandy's hand clutching at Kurt's shirt, the TV still turned on on the news channel.
After he found out what he'd missed out on, Noah wanted to at least talk to Jared and explain things his way – unfortunately, his son had already been informed by his sister.
Noah had thought his opportunity was gone – untill Kurt found out he was pregnant.
Four years later, Kurt heard The Question for the third time.
It was the first time Noah got to answer it.
They were all sitting in the kitchen, Kurt helping the twins with homework while munching on a chocolate biscuit. Little Damien was eating his dinner of chicken and potatoes with carrot while going on and on about , his new kindergarten teacher.
Noah listened to him with a smile; their second son had a lot of trouble communicating and seeing him respond to someone so well made him smile so wide it hurt.
" showed us a picture of his baby, he saidhe'll bring her to play with us sometime! You should've seen it, Dad, she was so pink and wrinkly and had funny little fingers!" Damian kept talking, waving his fork all over the place, sending bits of potatoes flying.
"He told us a stork dropped her down their chimney!"
Jared, appearing absolutely concentrated on his homework, snorted. Kurt gave him a light slap on the back of his head, but the damage was already done. Damian narrowed his eyes and looked at his brother.
"What, Jay? You don't believe him?"
Algebra forgotten, Jared faced his brother. "Only babies believe that."
Damian blinked, a frown crossing his delicate, small features. "Storks don't bring babies?"
Jared smirked, shook his head no, curls dancing in the sunlight from the window, and went back to his excercise book.
Damian looked closed to tears. He turned to Kurt, who suddendly got a very unpleasant feeling in his gut. Almost as if-
"Daddy? Where do babies come from?"
Yep, there it was. The Question.
Kurt looked at his husband importantly, and then smiled at his youngest.
"Why don't you ask your Dad? He's very good at explaining things," he said, ignoring the helpless gestures Noah was making behind Damian's back.
Damian nodded and turned on his chair.
"Where do babies come from, Dad?"
Noah froze mid-gesture. "Well they, uh..."
"They come from their mommy's belly, dumbass," Sandy snorted (which was immediately followed by "Sandra, language!" from both her fathers).
"They do?" the three-year-old asked, baffled. Noah nodded.
"They do."
"But I don't have a mommy. Whose belly was I in?" Damian asked, confusion apparent on his face.
"Mine, sweetheart," Kurt replied.
"You see, your Daddy is one of a few special daddies. He's the best daddy in the world, and so his babies can grow in his belly," Noah supplied, pretending he didn't see the loving gaze his husband sent him.
Damian's focus was on him once again.
"So, I came from Daddy's belly."
"That's right," Noah replied, preparing himself for the unevitable question.
"But how did I get there?"
"Well, that's...uhm. There's this..." he glanced at his other two children. They appeared to be focused on their homework, but he knew he couldn't tell Damien a different story then they've heard. They were ten and probably knew everything that 'grownup hug' stood for already, but he knew the twins – they wouldn't keep quiet if he thought up a story about fairies and watermelon seeds. He wanted to have this conversation a few years ago, but, apparently, he never realized how much it really mattered. Even more so when he was telling it to his three-year-old son.
"Babies happen when two people love each other. They have to play this game with, uh...grownup hugs, if they want to have a baby, and then, if they're lucky, a baby is created. It grows in it's mommy's or daddy's belly untill it's ready to come out and then a doctor pulls it out."
He was sure he heard a snicker from the twins, but Kurt apparently had them under control.
When he looked at Damien, his eyes were wide and unblinking.
"So...you and Daddy love each other, right?"
Out of all the possible responses Noah was expecting, this wasn't one of them. He raised his eyebrows in surprise.
"Of course we do. That's why we have you and Sandy and Jared." Damian nodded thoughtfully.
"How am I gonna know if I love somebody?" he asked.
Noah blinked, startled. The kid wasn't even four years old and he already asked questions about love. He was definitely taking after Kurt in the brains department.
"Well, it's...you'll know, squirt. You're way too little to fall in love with someone, but when you will, well...you'll feel like you can't live without the other person. They will brighten up your day whenever you see them and you will feel how much it hurts when you're without them."
"But...that doesn't sound that good," Damian frowned. Noah laughed.
"Trust me, it's worth it. When I first dated your Dad, I broke up with him and we got back together three days later, because we couldn't be without each other."
"Date?" the boy asked, confused.
"You take someone you love or want to get to know better on a date. It's a time for just the two of you, you know? A dinner, or a movie, or just a walk, doesn't matter."
Damian nodded thoughtfully. "So...you took Daddy on dates?"
Noah smirked. "Lots. I still do, sometimes, when you stay with Uncle Finn and Auntie Rachel, or with Auntie Mercedes."
"But..." the four-year-old started, apparently not knowing how to ask. "All the other kids in the kindergarten have a mommy and a daddy, so girls will date boys and boys will date girls. Do I have to date a boy when I have two daddies?"
Kurt smiled behind Damian's back. It was almost invisible, but Noah could see the hint of sadness behind it.
"Of course not. I don't have two dads, neither does your Daddy and we're together. When you're old enough, you can date whoever you want, we will all love you anyway. Right, kids?" he asked, spotting the twins watching him with curiosity.
"Right!" they replied, perfectly in unison, just like they always did. It was just a dutifull answer, but Noah knew they meant it.
He would consider himself a very bad parent if they didn't.
Turning back to Damian with a wink, he asked: "Any other questions, squirt?"
Damian just shook his had, hugging him and whispering "Thank you, Dad" into his ear. Noah smiled.
His family was worth making an idiot of himself.
Kurt stood up, motioning at the twins to do the same. "Sandy, Jay, take your brother outside."
After exchanging curious looks, they did as they were told. Kurt watched them go, then stretched the stiff muscles in his back, collecting all the dishes and putting them into the sink.
Leaving the kitchen, he leaned down to kiss his husband.
"I love you so much, you idiot," he whispered. Then, almost out of the door, he turned his head and smirked.
"And you told me I'm a girl for telling them about grownup hugs."
The evening, of course, ended in a round of very pleasant, very life-affirming grownup game.
Which, as became apparent after a few months, landed them with another child.
And another, after four years.
Kurt swore he was never going to have sex with Noah again unless he got his little swimmers under control.
Noah just enjoyed the big family he's always wanted.
The fourth time Kurt heard The Question was when he was pregnant with their fifth child.
It was the first time him and Noah answered it together.
It was the night after the twins' 13th birthday celebration. The two of them were holed up in their room, probably picking their presents apart. Damian was curled up in the armchair, snoring softly and Audrey, even though she was just three, refused to sleep and sat next to her fathers on the couch.
Noah was massaging Kurt's feet – his husband's been standing or walking around all day, making it perfect for his oldest children, which wasn't exactly easy with a huge, pregnant belly.
"Do you think we should just put her to bed and wait 'till she falls asleep?" Kurt whispered, catching Noah's wrist and stilling his movements.
Noah stole a glance at their youngest. Her long, brown hair was still as immaculately styled as it had been that morning, she sat with her back straight and eyes glued to the TV screen, currently showing commercials. He often fondly thought of her as a girl version of Kurt – she wanted to look good all the time, attacked with words rather than fists and was way too smart for her age.
"Nah, just let her be. You know she'll make a fuss if she doesn't want to go, she'll just wake up Dam," he replied, resuming his massage. Kurt nodded almost imperceptibly, closed his eyes and threw his head back, stretching his neck.
"The celebration was good, right?" he asked then, still too soft for Audrey to hear. Noah chuckled.
"Are you kidding me? It was the most fabulous event to ever happen in this neighbourhood. All Sandy's and Jay's friends love you now, trust me."
"Because I gave them plenty of free food?"
"Exactly."
Kurt smiled slowly, letting out a contended sigh. "That does sound like teenagers."
Just then, the very tempting Reese's commercial ended and insanely cute, blue-eyed babies appeared on the screen, advertising a baby lotion. One of them looked so much like little Jared that Noah had to blink twice, just to make sure he wasn't seeing things.
There was a suspicious noise to his right. Turning his head, he saw Audrey looking at him, then at Kurt's belly, then back at him, not saying a word.
He didn't like that look on his kids. It meant they were about to say something he wasn't going to like.
"Dad? Where do babies come from?"
Noah heard Kurt let out something between a sob and a chuckle. One look at his husband told him he was thinking the same thing – this was getting kind of ridiculous.
They both turned their head to their younger daughter.
"Sweetheart..." Kurt began.
Audrey's gaze didn't waver; if anything, it grew even more inquisitive.
"Honey..." Noah started, too, but he was honestly too tired to talk about grownup hugs and everything related, not to metion answer questions.
He looked at Kurt, who looked back at him. They both looked at Damien, still peacefully asleep. Then, their gazes shifted to Audrey.
"Go ask one of your siblings," they said in perfect unison.
The fifth time Kurt heard The Question, it was a summer evening in the backyard. Joanne was four, playing with her older sister in the sandpit, when she asked.
The birds were chirping and he just smiled at Noah and squeezed his hand.
It was the first time he didn't have to get involved all.
~fin