Prologue/Chapter 0

Kazuma woke up after a nice, long dream that involved a certain loli succubus. Simultaneously satisfied and disappointed at himself, he yawned and stretched, looking around his room. He rubbed his eyes, remembering that he had to come to the local inn because that damn Aqua's barrier was surprisingly effective and showed no mercy even against lolis. He wondered why she never got caught in her own barrier though she was probably more sinful than most demons, but he had no time to ponder more as his door suddenly opened with a bang.

Kazuma jumped up and started screaming, because he was wearing nothing but his boxers and his flagpole was at full mast, as is expected of a healthy, teenage male. He assumed one of the cleaners had accidentally busted in, but to his horror, it was his worst nightmare- the fearsome gossiper, Aqua. Even worse, Darkness was right behind her, panting and blushing in a way befitting the greatest masochist in the world. And worse still, a certain loli was glaring at Kazuma with shining eyes redder than the greatest ruby in the world, and as of now, more bloodlusted than an army of monsters. Oh hey, his flagpole is no longer at full mast!

"My dearest friend and fellow adventurer… You were going to be going on an "impossibly dangerous expedition at night with Wiz and Vanir to the most secluded part of a haunted forest...with possessed dolls...that would repel even a goddess." Or, so I was told at night in a hushed whisper after dinner yesterday. Yet, I find you here, in a comfortable bedroom, in an inn in Axel itself. Moreover, Aqua found something even more interesting. Aqua, show this scummy pervert who you find.", said Megumin, with pure malice dripping from her tone.

Kazuma quickly came to his senses and put his above-average intelligence to use. "N-now wait here, you three, heh. It is true that I went to the forest you can just ask Wiz- wait a minute. 'Who' you found?" He stammered and felt his blood run cold. He began to think at a pace that would impress even a Crimson Demon. " Had they managed to find Wiz and Vanir? No, that's impossible, they had closed their shop down so they could begin setting up their dungeon. Hmmmm, Dust and the rest are loyal and would die before ratting me out. Unless they were seduced. But Darkness is the only one with boobs. Aqua is useless and drunk 90% of the time and Megumin is a chuuni loli. Which means…". And for the second time that day, his blood ran cold.

A terrible fear was born in him. He slowly looked up, realization dawning. In his panic, he had failed to notice the person behind the three useless members of his party.

The Succubus.

Kazuma could no longer stand straight. He had exposed perhaps the greatest secret in the entire town of Axel. There would be no leniency for him now. The men would hate him and would treat him as worse than scum. The women would probably never look at him without pure and unadulterated hate in their eyes. He fell on his backside, looking at the three.

Darkness was...still panting. Maybe she was turned on by imagining the pain he must be failing? That girl really did not work like a human should. Aqua seemed to be sulking, for some 't she be jumping with joy? No, there was no time to worry about her. Because the worst of them all was Megumin.

She looked at him as if he was a pervert.

He! Was! Not! A! Pervert! How dare they think he was a pervert for satisfying his human desires, be they carnal or not? How was this any different from eating food or drinking water? Was he not a man, subject to his desires? Was he not a hot-blooded teenage male who needed some outlet for his desires?! He then began to slap himself mentally, and thought of ways he could have overcome this. He could have simply chosen an inn that was further away from the mansion. He could have...held his desires in. His life was ruined. Over. The end.

Nope, even that didn't help. He has passed through the five stages of grief at speeds hitherto unknown to mankind, and has already reached acceptance. He was a pervert. Worse still, he was a lolicon. Absolutely disgusting. There was nothing to do but accept his fate.

"I accept it. I am disgusting. There is no may tell the town about this. I am disgusting. I am disgusting. I am a disgusting pervert.", said Kazuma. He joined his hands together, as if in prayer.

"Huh? Are you stupid, you shitty hikkiNEET? Nobody cares about the town anyway."

"Indeed, Kazuma. We made a bet regarding what we were to do if you messed up this bad ever, after all. Before that, Kazuma… is it weird that I'm getting turned on by imagining all the abuses the townfolk would hurl at me if I was in your place? Tell me, is it weird?"

He was right after all. She was a PERVERT, a pervert with an erotic body who was good for NOTHING but being full of BOOBS.

No wait, he was a pervert too. He had no right to tell her off.

"Wait a minute. A bet? What bet? No telling the town about this? What?" For a moment, hope bloomed in his chest. Hope beyond compare. A hope that could swallow and destroy any and all despair. Was he...saved?!

"You guys… what bet are you talking abou-?!" He was cut off by Megumin, who picked him and pushed him against the wall, slamming the wall with one hand and staring at his face from an uncomfortably close distance.

"A punishment...in exchange for not telling the citizens about this...the one who wins the bet gets to exact divine punishment on you!", she explained.

"Aqua would have made you display your...genitalia… to the entire town, while doing a handstand. You would also have had to buy her as much wine as she wanted...for a month."

He involuntarily gulped in fear.

"Darkness would have made you travel all over the country, fighting monsters lost to legend, all for the noble reason of satisfying her never ending lust. She would have made you punish her but for a scummy pervert like you, it would've been a reward."

All hope was gone. Despair was the one truth of this world. The hope had been crushed and broken and smashed and destroyed beyond compare. What was he to do now? Worse still, the LOLI HAD CALLED HIM A PERVERT.

"And my punishment…hehe…" She leaned even closer and slammed the wall once again, practically leaning on his body.

"Pleasedon'tbeturnedonPleasedon'tbeturnedon-fuck this is turning me on." Truly, what a brute Kazuma was. Turned on while receiving his verdict. Exactly like Darkness, in fact.

"You will have to date me for the next 2 days. In other words, you're mine for the weekend, while Aqua goes to Alcanretia to preach and Darkness will be doing some 'important' work, in the capital.", she said.

Kazuma was hit by a full-force straight ball from Megumin. But his tongue worked faster than his brain could process her words fully," ...Oi are you a tsundere loli who can't confess normally or something?"

The last thing he saw before falling unconscious as a result of being judo-flipped was the said loli chanting, "Darkness blacker than black, and darker than dark.."