A/N: One more update for today! I can't leave you all hanging! The rest will be updated tomorrow!

Edward inhales deeply and then looks at me. "Will you marry me?"

EPOV

"Are you fucking kidding me?" She jumps from the couch and backs away from me.

I'm feeling so lost and sad. "I'm serious, Bella. I've been thinking about this a lot, and we've talked about what we want for our future. So, marry me?"

She hesitates and I wonder if she's scared. We've talked about this at length—the desire to be with one another for the rest of our lives. We never really cemented on the terms man and wife, but that's just semantics, right?

"Edward, I love you, and I see us having a future together." She runs her fingers through her hair and sighs. "But, if you think proposing is the way to erase how distant you've been for the last two months, you're crazy."

I'm gaping like a fish out of water. "I thought you wanted this …"

"Edward, I—" Bella gingerly sits down next to me again. "We haven't even really been together for a year. You've been crazy distant, and suddenly, you're asking me to marry you. We haven't even talked about marriage for several months. I … what is going on?"

When I don't say anything, she gets up and begins pacing around the living room. "I don't even know what to say, Eddie."

"Well, you're obviously saying 'no'"

She whips around to look at me. "Excuse me?"

"I thought we talked about this. I thought this was the next step for us, Bella."

Her silence is deafening.

"Sure, but, Edward, in maybe another year or so. I'm not opposed, but it feels like you're trying to force something here."

"Fine, then forget I said anything." I stand up and walk down the hall to the guest room and slam the door.

In the two months that have passed since "the incident", Bella has moved back into her apartment that she had originally subleased. Her tenant was on a month to month and with thirty-days' notice, that person moved out, and Bella moved back in.

We've barely spoken to each other, except for some heated words when she packed her clothes the night she left. There have been a few texts, mostly initiated by me, but a few from her. Mainly, we were at an impasse.

I'm barely surviving. I mean, I still get up and go to work and eat food when I need to, and I shower, but not only is my girlfriend out of my life, so is my best friend. I'm eating too much pizza and drinking too much beer. My mom has called to yell at me more times than I can count.

Our friends have taken sides, and most of them are with Bella. There are only two of our friends who seem to be supporting me, and that's the unlikely combination of Alice and Emmett.

Alice says I was genuine in my proposal and that she understands that I know where my heart is along with my head. Emmett thinks we should've been married long before any of them, and he doesn't know why I waited so long to ask her.

While I appreciate that, it doesn't change the fact that I suddenly don't know what I want—not really. I love Bella, she's my best friend, and I want her to be in my life forever. I want us to be committed to each other, to be partners, equals.

Did I explain it that way? Does she know that?

These are questions I constantly ask myself. I don't know anything. Well, that isn't true. I know Bella seems just as miserable as I am. Jacob told me that he had lunch with her last week, and she looked like she lost some weight, and she cut all her hair off. Something about a long pixie cut.

Everything feels so out of control, and I wonder if it ever was or if we'll ever get back to some semblance of normal.

The only thing that keeps me going is that Bella and I can't stay away from each other; we've tried, and it never sticks. I just have to be ready for her whenever she's ready. And if she's never ready … Well, I'll figure out how to move on from there.