Author's Notes: Book 1 "Skyfall" prefaces events of 'FF7: Crisis Core'
Forthcoming:
Books 2 "Crossroads" and Book 3 "Trapped" Parallel 'FF7: Crisis Core' events. (as well as some elements/characters from 'FF7: Before Crisis' & 'Dirge of Cerebus' that carry through the rest of the series)
Book 4 "Remain" Parallels 'FF7 Remake' events
Book 5 (WIP) will include events/characters from 'FF7 Remake Part 2' as well as any forthcoming DLC

Spoiler Warning: for all of the games as the series progresses through each book. But also spoilers for 'FF7 Remake' in the whole series.
And minor spoilers for FFXV. This work is not a cross-over. But there are reasons for this last spoiler warning.

Enjoy.

Chapter 1:

It was cold, bitterly cold. Marin's pajamas were no protection from the cold night air or the snow. She walked in the snow towards a light. The sky aflame with northern lights. It was a light show that was more glorious and rooted to the earth than anything she had ever seen on earth. It seemed to burst out from the mountain behind her.

Marin had no time to take in the sights, everything was too cold. Her legs hurt up to her calves. Piercing pain came with every step onto the freezing snow.

She was cold and couldn't feel her toes. She could see , but not feel, the cold snow slide over her bare feet. Her legs were stamping on knives. Like she was cutting her ankles.

"Warm, I have to get warm." she tottered towards the glow of a window.

Rubbing her arms for warmth, her fingers and half her face was also numb already. She had never been this cold. Never.

It felt like her feet were bleeding, stepping on knives like this. "Warm, thoughts." She chattered through her teeth. The door swam to the front of her vision. It did not seem to get any closer.

She moved her legs forward, they seemed to stop inches above the ground. She could no longer feel how wet her pajama pants had gotten, dragging through the snow drift.

"Lights…on. Someone. Someone must be home." She was so cold. The feeling of knives stabbed at her skin, covered or not. Traveling up her arms and legs. She couldn't feel her feet or her hands. They no longer hurt.

She yawned and felt crystals form in her mouth and nose. Windblown tears froze to her face. She couldn't feel the wind burn her cheeks anymore.

Every part of her hurt from the cold.

A part of her brain worried about where it no longer hurt.

The door was a big brown blob, it was like looking through jelly. Her eyes were streaming with tears onto a numb face.

Marin slammed bodily against, something. She hoped it was the door. She tried to close her eyes to clear her vision. They glued shut, she could not open them.

Flailing arms she could barely feel. She banged a the door as hard as she could. She was so sleepy. 'Don't sleep.' Marin thought.'Sleep is death. don't fall asleep.'

She flailed at the door halfheartedly one more time. "Just a…quick nap." she pressed her forehead against something hard.

Marin's thoughts were sluggish, they were no longer concerned about how much she hurt. How numb she was. And even the thought of not caring slipped away from her. As she collapsed against something hard and fell into something soft and dark.

Earlier, and much further away, a sniffling Marin waited in line at the pharmacy. She was surprised by how many people were waiting in line this late.

If this took much longer, she was going to get caught in the rain tonight, during an already chilly mid-September sunset.

Marin only had her cotton pullover to protect her from the chill, if it rained she would get soaked before she got home.

She pulled out her phone to pass the time, rather than seem impatient. She put it away when Marin was reminded how many unread messages she had. Pulling a tissue out of her pocket, she blew her nose again.

The person right in front of her looked behind them. Whoever they were, they looked very tired.

Marin put the used tissue in the bag in her pocket with the others. Juggling her phone with a tiny bottle of hand sanitizer. If she was going to go out sick, the least she could do was not infect anyone else. Then she pretended to use her phone to keep to herself.

Minutes later Marin was back outside, under the eaves. Her cotton pullover was over the clothes she had worn to bed. She had been sick at home all day. Isolating at home for months, she had gotten the flu somehow.

The dark sky had opened up, it was pouring and she would get soaked if she left the shelter of the set-back window.

Her flu medicine in a plastic bag, they would be the only things that couldn't get wet, just crossing the street.

The trees that sheltered her street were just over there and would only give a partial cover from this much rain. But it would be something.

'If mom had done this for me, I wouldn't be about to get soaked,' she thought. But if her mother had gotten her medicine, that woman would have gotten wet instead. And she would have stomped up and down the house, grumping about being caught in the rain.

Chances are, Marin's mother would still be napping in front of the TV. And Marin could slip back into the house. She knew how to hold the screen door so it wouldn't make a racket going back inside.

Sneezing into her sleeve, she was out of tissues until she got back home. Sheltering in front of the pharmacy, it continued to rain heavily.

Marin had wanted to sneak out her bedroom window, climb up the aerial and watch the stars and the moon on her roof. But her flu and the rain made that impossible.

"Care for some assistance m'lady?"

Marin gave a funny look to the person that now held out the wide umbrella.

"What?" Was all she got got before she took in the guy, he had a costume that looked like it had walked out of a video game or another. "I mean," Marin continued. "That's a really good costume."

He held out the umbrella still, looking at her quizzically. "Come again?"

"Uh, a costume? that's a really good version of Ardyn."

"Ah, is that all? Well." He moved the umbrella a little closer and offered his elbow to Marin.

Marin flinched, the costume was cool and all. But the guy's swagger was so real to the character, it had the same creepy vibe of the villain she had just seen in the game. That one was numbered 'Fifteen.' Or Fourteen or something.

"Don't touch me! Sorry, I'm just getting over the flu."

"Suit yourself." He held the umbrella half over the layers and layers of scarves and coats, even the same fedora with the same gray-ish black-ish color to it. Holding the umbrella over Marin, she now had shelter from the rain. The guy's perfect Ardyn wig was starting to get wet on the far side, water dribbling down the fedora in the not-quite red hair with a purple-ish tinge to it.

"Thanks." Marin said, able to catch the green light right then. As well as stretch over the puddle growing by the curb.

Marin only halted once, The Ardyn-looking guy stopping with her, halfway across the cross walk. A car had jumped the lines, stopping a few feet into the cross walk in front of her and the guy holding the umbrella.

They both watched silently as the car in front of them slowly pulled back behind the crosswalk lines. Marin wanted to thump the car on the hood, but decided to only glare at the driver. While she and the umbrella-wielder, crossed to the other side.

After stepping over the last puddle, onto the curb, the man started up a conversation.

"What on Earth would you being doing out like this anyway?"

"Mmm." she stood by the road, the guy was so into character it was weird and she wasn't sure if she wanted him to know where she lived. "I'll be better soon."

"Ideally." The drawl was the same.

'This guy.' She thought.

"So, is this where you live?" He looked up at the tree Marin had stopped under.

"Uh, no." she looked up at the tree in the cement box on the corner. Looking to her street. "It's that way.". 'I don't know this guy. I don't want him to follow me home.'

The rain showed no sign of letting up.

Marin sighed and let the man and his umbrella come with her closer to her street. It had nothing to do with his costume, and everything to do with him being a stranger.

Marin made costumes for fun herself, sometimes her costumes had a certain lack of coverage for accuracy. But they were like a mask. She could change into her street clothes and go home, leaving the creeps behind at conventions.

This Ardyn was just so skillfully made, he had that undertone of creepiness by playing the fool that actually knew more than you.

"Thanks." Marin told him. "Aren't you worried about getting all that fabric soaked?"

"Hmm?" He played the part so well. He seemed not to have noticed that the rain was soaking the other side. "Oh, yes. I've had worse things in my clothes."

Marin chuckled at the joke. His act was so good. "There a con tonight I didn't know about?"

"Hmm?"

"A con-ven-tion?" she said slowly, "That's a prize winning costume there."

"Ohhh, you play as well? With costumes? Who are you today?"

Marin looked at him funny, he was sticking to his character the whole time. She stopped at the head of her street. The man stopped alongside her, keeping his umbrella in place to shield Marin.

"Er, not right now." she was struggling for an exit, some reason to leave the dry protection of the umbrella. "Anyway, I got it from here. Thanks." Marin took a single step.

He followed her a step, holding out the umbrella. "But it's still raining."

Marin waved him off, "no. It's fine. No reason to go out of your way any further." she had a route in her mind, to zip out of view. She could go out of sight down the driveway of the neighbor's place three doors down.

"Well, then. I shan't hold you. 'Become better soon' As it were." He gave her a pat on the shoulder.

"Thanks," she waved halfheartedly. She wasn't fast enough to evade the touch "You too." Marin had her hood up and was off under the trees down the street.

Looking back, she could see the guy, he had moved the umbrella to fully shield himself now. He watched her from the corner as she went down the driveway.

Heart pounding, she didn't stop until she was under the eaves in the backyard. The rain had dampened her pull over and puddles had soaked the legs of her pants.

Taking a few deep breaths, she calmed herself even as her heart pounded. Counting to thirty, she peeked around the corner.

The Ardyn-looking guy was gone. The street lights lit up so much of her street. There were no shadows big enough to hide the man or his umbrella.

Sighing with relief, she walked up the three lots to her own house. Holding the screen door carefully, she fished her key out, nearly fumbling it. There was something else in that pocket.

"Fuck!" she swore quietly to herself as she managed to not make a noise getting inside.

Leaving her wet flip flops by the door. She held up her wet pant legs and went back to bed.

Leaving the medicine on her desk and hung up her wet clothes. When she fished out the addition in her pocket.

She cursed when she realized that she hadn't notice the man slip something into that pocket.

"What the fuck?" It was the size of a silver dollar, but looked made of gold or plated or something. And on it was the head of a giant chicken-like bird. Both sides had that. It was a trick coin that looked like a Chocobo from the Final Fantasy series. But the design of the prop was unfamiliar to her.

Since Marin had gotten back from the hospital, she was still on leave from school since the spring, while going in and out of hospital the whole time. She had turned eighteen while waiting for group therapy. Which complicated her treatment, her doctor and current therapist. Leaving her on her own at home until she got off one wait list or another.

Her life was at a standstill, meanwhile everyone she knew was back to school by now. While Marin had no idea which way anything was going for her, because she had been born so 'early' in September. Things would have been so much easier if she had been born a month or two later. Instead of being shunted from one list to another, so suddenly.

But when one had blackouts of a mental breakdown, after which they woke up in the hospital. They didn't get to choose how old or young they were when it happened.

Marin knew Ardyn was real, at least his costume was. She had managed to go this long without seeing or hearing anything, despite the labels her doctor had wanted to give her. She had never seen things. He had touched her shoulder, as weirdly as the guy had stuck to character. She picked up the coin again, it must have been plated to look like fake gold. Whatever it was made of, this object was real.

Marin had the thought to bite the coin with her teeth, test for gold. But the thought of doing that to something someone else had touched was gross. So she left her curiosity unsatisfied.

Marin couldn't touch, or really even measure what had happened to her in the spring. She couldn't remember what happened in any of her 'fugues' or black outs. But she could breath slowly and relax, like she had been taught in the mindfulness classes. And she could touch and know what was real and not real.

Dropping the coin on her night stand, she chastised herself for all her practice of sleight of hand, thanks to Jamie. And the guy had gotten one over her anyway.

"There's always someone better than you." Marin reminded herself as she sat in her desk chair, now in dry clothes.

Flicking her television on with her toe, she switched over to one of the older games.

Weird was not bad, she was an artist herself. She just didn't like strangers knowing where she lived. 'That Ardyn was just an act.' She thought to guy wasn't really a creep.

He was also gone, so it was a moot point. And she got two for one for the whole thing. His umbrella kept her dry and she got a prop out of it.

The Play Station four finally whirred to life. The familiar tune of the machine booting up, then the retro game. She settled in to finishing Final Fantasy Seven better this time. To get her mind off of any lingering worries before bed.

It was no starlit night of sneaking onto the roof. But video games would have to do.

Marin stretched the sleep out of her, the curtains didn't hide that it was daylight now. Her phone buzzed on her desk. She had had it on vibrate only ever since she put a charge back into it. There were no phones allowed with her at the hospital. Based on the length her phone shook, it was just a message or some app going off.

Flipping the coin over in her hand. The thing was heavier than it looked. It was also a two-headed coin. Or two-tailed, the Chocobo tail was behind the head. Whatever the deal with the coin was, it was a trick coin.

'I should call Jamie.' she thought. Marin hadn't seen her girlfriend since before her first blackout. Leaving Jamie and everyone else behind at the restaurant.

Rolling over onto her belly, she examined the coin instead. Mind full of regret, she thought 'Who would love a crazy person like me?'

Marin was mortified, embarrassed and ashamed for what had happened. And being a minor in the underage ward. There were no if's and's or but's to visitors. Parent or guardian only.

To Marin's bad luck, only her mother had visited in that time. Her mom walked around in her own cocoon of shame. Her daughter had gone crazy and that made her look bad as a parent. For letting things go so far.

The only salve to the whole thing was that her mother had never had a problem with Marin's need for her binders. Like really involved sport's bras for holding down Marin's breasts. Making her look less feminine, on the days she needed it.

Her mother would swear up and down about every slight anyone inflicted on her daughter. Her gender-fluid daughter was a treasure. But mental illness was bad optics for the family. Self-expression was one thing, but 'crazy' was weakness and a whole other thing in this house.

And no amount of advocating for her treasure, would convince the nurses that the binder was something Marin was allowed in the ward. No matter how Marin felt, on the days when she needed it. Marin didn't want to be seen a certain way or referred to with certain pronouns on those days. But too many of the nurses didn't care, no matter how angry Marin's mother got.

After the last argument like that. Marin would of rather had no visitors. And an emotionally distant father not visit, compared to her toxic mother being nearby. If Jamie could love a crazy person, Marin would have wanted her girlfriend to visit. That place had been horrible, and Marin had felt at her most vulnerable. Jamie deserved better than that.

Marin moved her phone to somewhere soft so she wouldn't hear it vibrate.

It had been the worst night of her life, and she didn't remember most of it either. She didn't want to remember whatever happened in the black outs anyway. Her doctor had called it fugue. Marin called them blackouts, even if there was no memory of them, not even a blacked out one, there were just missing pieces in her memory. First she was somewhere, then she was somewhere else, with nothing in between. Gaps in her memory she didn't even know were there unless someone told her she had been out of sorts for the last 3 hours. Hours that, to her, never existed. Like the space between paragraphs in a book "3 hours later." there was nothing in her brain from those times.

Some girls were mortified because they left the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to their shoe. Or they had said the wrong word at a party and everyone laughed at them. Marin had lost touch with reality in front of her best friend, who was also her girlfriend. And neither of them had come out to anyone but their mutual best-friend.

That meet-up at the restaurant had included many of their friends and their acquaintances. Worst of all, it was a meeting of other costumers, talking about this show or that comic book or another table top role-playing game someone wanted to get people into.

The only way it could have been worse was if it had happened at school. No, the restaurant was the worst place it could happen. Marin had had more closer friends in that restaurant than in any of her classes.

Whether or not she could graduate with her peers next June, she would never see most of them again after graduation. But her local convention friends were friends for life. They were supposed to be friends for their lives beyond school. Some of them were already working or in college or something. Half of them were teenagers at this or that school. The rest were graduated and supposed to be the friends of hers that had left high school behind them.

She flipped the coin in her hand again, Marin had never owned a trick coin before. After video games and materials to make her own costumes, she had no money for a prop as nice as this one.

Trick coins and show props were Jamie's thing. She had complained to Marin about a classmate, an amateur magician, teaching Jamie these tricks. He was waiting for Jamie to turn eighteen. Just so Jamie would 'be cool' with the sorts of assistant costumes people wore in Vegas.

Marin remembered that she had missed Jamie's birthday as well, last August. Had Marin's life not gone for this loop, she would have told Jamie to leave the guy's show. To double-down on Jamie not helping him prepare for the Christmas talent show. At least Jamie and the guy were the same age, but Jamie talking about trick hand cuffs and breaking out of them, it all sounded kinda creepy. Even more so with the costume Jamie might be asked to wear.

Marin thoughts jumped to her very first hospital stay, a couple of years ago. That time had been for a physical injury. There had been no shame or mortification among her friends. And it wasn't like this. It was not the confusing mess that mental illness made of everything.

Marin couldn't remember the incident a the restaurant. But what she could remember made her never want to face any of those people again. 'How could I let this happen?' This time she had lost everything.

She had also changed on the meds her doctors had her trying, her binders did not fit her torso anymore, from the weight gain. The pullover she had worn to the pharmacy had covered the profile she didn't want to see reflected in the pharmacy's front window. She didn't want to look at herself today, hiding in the baggy clothes. Clothes that were less baggy today, compared to months ago. Marin hated every aspect of this. From her cowardice, to being stuck at home, the lack of routine, everything.

Being around too many people riled up Marin's anxiety less and less over time, shopping for better fitting clothes could happen soon. Just as soon as she could pry her mother away from that couch and television.

The city had lots of other conventions, other occasions to wear her costumes. But everyone at that spring meet-up went to at least a few of them. It was a tight knit community, there would be no hiding trying to make new friends that hadn't heard of her breakdown, not forever. Not that she wanted new friends. 'I'm not safe around anybody. I should just stay here,' Marin thought. To hell with her counselor's advice on no self-shame. She had punched one person one too many times above zero. She didn't even remember doing it. Only seeing her hands the next day, and feeling how much they hurt.

That was why there was no one celebrating Marin's September birthday. She had not talked to any of her friends in months. Especially not Jamie. There had been no party, no gather, nothing. Marin had just suffered her time at home, in stretchy pants, playing video games. She had self-isolated herself in her shame.

She had also run out of characters she could wear costumes that would cover her scars. Though now her mental illness came with it's own problems. She did not wear those mental scars were people could see, but all her friends would have known.

If Marin would even leave the house again. If she could even bring herself to work on a new costume. But lately, even finishing a game had been a struggle at first. And now that she had been at it for a while. Doing anything else was hard.

She swore to herself, 'I'm not safe around people. I'm not even safe to myself. Besides, they never needed me anyway.'

Marin put a pillow on top of her phone, she didn't even want to see the screen light up with another notification.

Her friends were not going to wait forever for her to heal. Marin wasn't sure if she ever would 'get better' completely. She had a lot of baggage for an eighteen year-old. Marin wasn't sure if she would ever be free of it.

Video games would get her mind off it though, when she wasn't poking at the bundle of homework her mother had gotten from the school.

Marin's stomach grumbled. She dropped her face into her pillow. If she slept in a little longer, breakfast could wait. Then she could do enough homework so that her mother wouldn't yell at her. Then back to video games.

At least math and video games didn't have baggage. They did not trigger more blackouts.

'I'm sorry Jamie,' she apologized silently.' I don't want to hurt you like I did whoever I punched. I'm not safe.'

Her knuckles had been bruised when she had woken up in the hospital, on her hands and arms. Someone had gotten hurt when she had fugued in the restaurant. Since that day, no one had brought up that little detail to her. There were no charges, no consequences to follow Marin out of that restaurant.

Just her ruined life.

Turning her head to the side to breathe, she pulled the blanket over her eyes to block the daylight and nap some more. 'I am not safe.'

She tossed the coin on her nightstand and decided to nap the morning away.