A/N: So a new chapter! First of all I'd like to say I'm sorry it took a little while to post this new chapter - I've been struggling to finesse this one for a while... and unfortunately real life has gotten in the way. Secondly, a HUGE thank you to everyone who has left a review - I am not a professional writer, so it's really encouraging when people take the time to review your work. I love reading your reviews and it's an incredibly heartwarming that people are enjoying what I'm writing. So enough rambling, onto the chapter (and let me know what you think)!
The atmosphere in the room was tense as the party heard the distant chatter that signalled that their guests had arrived.
Darcy looked nervously around the room and his eyes settled on his friend, Mr Bingley, who was nervously fidgeting in his chair.
Arriving early after receiving Darcy's note, Bingley had immediately been shown into the study where Darcy had spent the morning preparing what he would say to his friend.
As soon as Bingley had entered the room, Darcy could see that he was still deeply affected by the heartbreak following his removal from Netherfield. While the words he was saying were still the same, he lacked his usual brightness and charm, and there was an overwhelming aura of sadness that surrounded him. At that moment Darcy had never been so ashamed of himself. Before him, he could see tangible evidence of what his arrogant interference had done. Bingley looked like a broken man, and it was his fault. Yes, Miss Bingley and her sister had contributed, but Darcy knew within his heart that it was his opinion Bingley had trusted. He alone was to blame for his friends heartbreak and it was time he owned up to his part in it.
After exchanging pleasantries, Bingley looked across from his seat in front of Darcy in mild expectation. Taking a breath to steel himself for what he was about to say, he begun.
"I have something I wish to discuss with you, and I know it will be painful for you to hear. All I ask of you is to hear me out."
"Well that sounds very serious indeed Darcy, but you have my word I will hear whatever you have to say to me"
"Thank you… I would like to speak with you about Miss Bennet…"
At hearing her name, Bingley looked up at his friend with such a look of anguish on his face, Darcy had to force himself not to turn away.
"Miss Bennet?"
"Yes… After we removed from Netherfield, I believe that the advice I gave to you regarding Miss Bennet may have been in error"
"In error… Darcy what are you … You said she…"
"Let me explain. Charles, while we were at Netherfield I could see that you admired Miss Bennet, but as your heart is often touched by a pretty face I did not put much stock into it. It wasn't until the night of the Netherfield ball that it came to my attention that you were much more taken with her than you usually are, and that there was also a general expectation in the neighbourhood that you would soon make her an offer of marriage. Her mother was one of the main culprits for spreading this expectation. Fearing you may be in for a marriage of unequal affection, I took it upon myself to observe Miss Bennet to ascertain whether she reciprocated your feelings, or whether she would simply be encouraged to accept you to save her family from the entail.
"Charles, I will freely admit that it was not my place to ascertain the feelings of Miss Bennet, particularly on the observance of a few minutes at a ball. You are your own man, and I should not have tried to interfere in your private affairs. I have recently become aware of the officiousness of my interference, and now know that I did not fully understand the contents of the Miss Bennet's heart."
Taking a fortifying breath, Darcy looked over at his friend, who for once wore an unreadable expression on his face.
"It was not done out of malicious intent. I fully believed at the time I was being impartial. It was not until we returned to town and Miss Bennet called on your sisters, that I began to doubt my convictions…"
"WHAT?!"
At this, Bingley had jumped from his seat, a look on his face mixed with anger, belief, excitement and anguish.
"I know you will have many questions, and I will answer any that you have. I will freely admit that it was beneath me to conspire with your sisters to hide Miss Bennet's visit to your townhouse in January. At the time I had convinced myself it was for your own good that you not be told as your heartache was too fresh. I know not what was said to Miss Bennet, but I understood she was discouraged from visiting again. I also have it from a very reliable source that Miss Bennet was disappointed that you did not return to Netherfield, and that her heart, had indeed, been engaged."
In defeat, Bigley slumped back into his chair, head in his hands. After what seemed like an eternity to Darcy, Bingley spoke.
"Why now… what has changed Darcy that you are telling me this now… you have both raised my hopes and dashed them in one fell swoop."
"Charles, I have done you a great disservice, and for that I am truly sorry…"
"Who is the source?"
"The source?"
"Yes Darcy, the source. You said you had it from a very reliable source that Miss Bennet's heart had been engaged"
"It was her sister, Miss Elizabeth Bennet who told me. I was reacquainted with Miss Bennet when I visited my Aunt, Lady Catherine at Rosings. She was there visiting her friend, Mrs Collins, formerly Miss Lucas."
"And pray, how did it come to light about her sisters feelings for me? That is not something usually brought up in polite conversation."
This was the part he was dreading the most. Laying his private affairs out for others to see. Charles was his best friend, but still, admitting that he had courted, admittedly very badly, and failed at his attempt to secure the hand of Miss Elizabeth was not something he wanted the world to know. But he knew he owed it to his friend. He may have irreversibly hindered his friends chances to marry the woman he was in love with, so he owed him this chance, at least, to see Darcy's humiliation.
Sighing, Darcy stood and walked to face the window.
"No, you are right Charles, it did not come up in during tea… It came up when I proposed marriage to her. You see, you weren't the only one who lost their heart to a Bennet."
The silence in the room was deafening as Bingley struggled to comprehend what had just been said. That Darcy had proposed to a woman, let alone a woman of inferior birth and position was incredible. In fact, if it wasn't Darcy telling him, Bingley would have bet his entire fortune that it was a joke. As far back as their friendship went, Bingley had never seen Darcy remotely interested in any woman. At all. Added to that was the fact that Darcy had vehemently presented the many, many evils a match with the Bennet family would bring to him, and for Darcy to disregard those objections was frankly, unbelievable.
"So… you are… engaged?"
"No… she rejected me… among other things, she said she could never be attached to a man who had ruined the happiness of her most beloved sister"
"Oh Darcy… I am sorry for you"
At this Darcy turned to face his friend. That Charles would feel sorry for him being rejected, even while knowing that Darcy had ruined his own happiness showed him exactly how little he deserved a friend like Charles Bingley.
"Do not waste your pity on me, however well-intentioned it is Bingley. I deserve every bit of misery in my heart for the sins I have committed not only to you and Miss Bennet, but to so many others. My arrogance, my selfish disdain for the feelings of others and my pride have brought me to my knees. Miss Elizabeth was right to refuse me… She judged me not for my fortune or position in society, but for my actions and behaviour and I came up wanting … So you see, it is too late for me, but it is not too late for you, if you still want a chance with Miss Bennet?"
Silence filled the room and Darcy watched as a myriad of emotions played across his friends face.
"Darcy, I have lived with my heartbreak and regret since the day I left Netherfield, and you are now offering me a chance with her again? I do not know how it will be possible, but for even the smallest chance that I may win her heart I would do anything within my power.
"I know you say that I often lose my heart to a pretty face, and while that may have been true in the past, I can now say with absolute certainty that my heart had never truly been touched before I met Miss Bennet.
"Knowing Miss Bennet and the love I still feel in my heart for her, all the other ladies I have known have come up wanting. Tell me what I can do, and I will do it."
Chuckling to himself as he moved back to sit in front of Charles.
"Miss Bennet and her relations are coming to tea this morning with Georgiana and Colonel Fitzwilliam. You are of course, invited to stay, but I will refrain from offering any advice on how to win Miss Bennet's heart. I have learned my lesson the hard way, and it has become very clear that I am not the best authority on how to win a ladies heart."
"Miss Bennet… is coming here… for tea?"
"Yes, Georgiana and Colonel Fitzwilliam ran into Miss Bennet and her party yesterday and being acquainted with Miss Elizabeth from our trip to Rosings, issued an invitation."
"That is excellent news Darcy!"
At this, Darcy smiled at his friend. He could already see the melancholy lifting, and it was a balm to his battered soul that at least, he had finally done right by his friend.
"I'm glad you're happy Bingley, and once again, I am truly sorry for my officious interference"
"Well, I can't say I'm happy about being deceived, but I do believe that you did it with the best of intentions. My sisters, on the other hand… but I will think on that later. How can I begrudge a friend forgiveness when the sin was not done with malicious intent, and is sorry for his actions?"
"You truly are a better man than I Bingley"
"Nonsense. And it seems as if fate has intervened, with a chance meeting between Colonel Fitzwilliam and Miss Bennet, so all is well… But Darcy… I know you prefer to keep your own council, but can I enquire about what happened with Miss Elizabeth? I know you said she refused you, and in part it was because of your interference with Miss Bennet and myself… what was the other part?"
"…"
"I know it goes against what I know of your disposition to open yourself up, but honestly Darcy, sometimes it helps to talk about your problems with a friend?"
"You deserve the full story, if nothing else. I suppose I need not cover our time at Netherfield, for your sisters quips about my admiration of Miss Elizabeth surely even garnered your notice"
"Actually Darcy, I thought she was jesting. I had absolutely no idea that you admired Miss Elizabeth at all... All you ever seemed to do with her was argue?"
Chuckling, Darcy responded "Well that seems consistent with my sorry tale… not even Miss Elizabeth knew. I was so worried about not showing any preference for her where I could not act that I fooled everyone, except your sister.
At this, Bingley rolled his eyes. Smiling in recognition, Darcy continued.
"At first, I wasn't aware she'd even caught my attention until I would find myself staring at her. It was not long before I was gravitating towards her, to speak with her, or dance. I know you thought us arguing all the time, and maybe she did too, but I cherished those conversations. She challenged me like no other woman, and I found myself both falling and resisting her in equal measures, until it culminated with our dance at the Netherfield ball. I'd convinced myself that if I danced with her, I would finally rid her from my heart… except it did not.
"The truly ironic thing is, during our dance we were arguing, and I still found her more enticing and beautiful than any other woman of my acquaintance. That was when I knew I was in trouble, and when Sir William interrupted us to speak of your expected union with Miss Bennet… well, this part need not be repeated again"
Bingley was looking at his friend with such an unreadable expression, it almost gave Darcy pause
"I know you are most likely curious that I could present so many objections to the match between you and Miss Bennet and then propose to her sister. Truthfully, I am not certain if I was trying to convince you or myself of the evils of the match. At the time I fully believed myself impartial, but with hindsight I can see that my judgement had been compromised. Until I met her again at Rosings I fully had fooled myself into thinking I had conquered my attraction to her. I had not yet admitted to myself that I loved her, but looking back I was already in way over my head.
"My… ah… courting of her at Rosings, I suppose, went how it did whilst we were in Hertforshire. I, fully believing that she and others around us could see my attraction to her, was even more meticulous that no evidence of my admiration be visible… except…"
"Except?"
Getting up once again and making his way to the window, Darcy took a deep breath before continuing.
"Except… I had made peace with the fact that although I could not have her, she would most likely marry another. Accepting that fact as a possibility, and seeing it before your eyes is another thing entirely"
"Seeing it before your eyes… who was she…?"
"My cousin, Colonel Fitzwilliam and Miss Elizabeth got on famously, and it was torture watching it unfold. Intellectually I knew there would be no union between them, being a second son Fitzwilliam must consider fortune with his union, and well… Miss Elizabeth is not his usual type…"
Bingley's eyebrows shot up at this, but he said nothing as Darcy continued.
"But my jealousy was roused, and it was then that I knew that I had to have her, that I couldn't stand to watch another man at her side. Once I had made my decision, that was it. I went to propose to her that evening. It hadn't even occurred to me that all my efforts to conceal my love for her worked so well that she was not expecting my address. I am ashamed to think that even had I known, I most likely would have proposed anyway, believing that my position in society alone would be enough to be accepted by any woman that I choose. And while that is most likely still true, this whole business has taught me that any woman who would accept me for my position alone, is not one I want to spend my life with."
With a big sigh, Darcy once again moved to sit before his friend.
"Bingley, I don't believe there is a man in the world that bungled up a proposal as much as I did. Under the guise of absolute truth, I began my proposal by telling her how I had struggled against my feelings for her, how her family were beneath me, and how grateful she should be for receiving a proposal from me. Knowing what you do about Miss Elizabeth, I'm sure you can imagine her response. She tried to decline my proposal politely, but I was so in shock that I was being rejected, that I encouraged her to elaborate."
Chuckling softly to himself, Darcy continued.
"She said that she would never accept the advances of a man that had ruined the happiness of her most beloved sister, and that my arrogance and selfish disdain for the feelings of others made me the last man in the world that she would marry. And she was right. My behaviour of late has been awful. I let my pride go to my head. I treated the people of Hertfordshire like they weren't worthy of my notice simply because they weren't born with the privileges I was. I judged them as lesser beings because they are simple country folk and don't have the refined manners of the ton. I treated her family and friends with contempt and made a conscience effort to hide my attraction to her. I didn't even bother to court the woman that I loved."
Bingley looked across at his friend. He had never seen Darcy so raw and full of emotion. He could see the heartbreak his friend was going through, and for the first time in their friendship, Bingley pitied Darcy.
"So what now?"
"Well, now we go to tea, to see if there is a chance for you to rekindle your romance with Miss Bennet"
"Darcy, I meant for you"
Sighing, Darcy ran his hand through his hair.
"Honestly Charles, I don't know. Fitzwilliam has grandiose ideas that this can all be repaired. He thinks that because she does not know the real me, that once she does, she will fall head over heels… I am not sure the situation is salvageable. She hates me Bingley. At this stage all I can hope is that you can repair the damage I caused to your relationship with Miss Bennet, and I can repair my relationship with Miss Elizabeth enough that it won't be torture for her to be in the same room with me, should you succeed with her sister."
Smiling sadly at his friend, Bingley stood up and they walked towards the door.
"He is right though, she does not know the real you, and she won't unless you show her."
"I know you're right Charles, but at this stage I'm not sure it would make a difference"
"Perhaps, but what have you got to lose?"
"I suppose that is one way to look at it…"
Chuckling, Darcy reached to open the door for his friend.
"Oh, and Darcy…? What is Fitzwilliam's type then?"
"Fiery redheads"