Chapter 6: Haha re-write go brr
Exactly what the chapter title says I'm going to do a complete re-write, but it's not because I can't handle the criticism I have two semi-good reasons for that.
1 - I forgot what I was going to write in here...I know in the beginning I said that this will be "mostly re-telling" but I planned to diverge from Canon around the time of the events from Vol 4(Aka: The End of Anime).Here is the plan I had:
Volume 1
Not many changes as I honestly think this is the best Volume, fight me.
I'd just make everything flow more naturally(at least to me) here are a couple of examples:
Hajime's Status when he ate Twin-tailed Wolf looked like this(taken directly from the Novel).
Hajime Nagumo Age: 17 Male
Level: 8
Job: Synergist
Strength: 100
Vitality: 300
Defense: 100
Agility: 200
Magic: 300
Magic Defense: 300
Skills: Transmute - Mana Manipulation — Iron Stomach — Lightning Field — Language Comprehension
Nothing too weird right? Now look at his status after 50 floors(where he met Yue).
Hajime Nagumo Age: 17 Male
Level: 24
Job: Synergist
Strength: 880
Vitality: 970
Defense: 860
Agility: 1040
Magic: 760
Magic Defense: 760
Skills: Transmute [Ore Appraisal] [Precision Transmutation] [Ore Perception] [Ore Desynthesis] [Ore Synthesis] [Duplicate Transmutation] - Mana Manipulation - Iron Stomach - Lightning Field - Air Dance [Aerodynamics] [Supersonic Step] [Steel Legs] - Gale Claw - Night Vision - Farsight - Sense Presence Detect Magic - Hide Presence - Poison Resistance - Paralysis Resistance - Petrification Resistance - Language Comprehension
Seems pretty reasonable right?
Here is his Status after another 50 Floors and some training(The moment when he exited The Great Orcus Labirynth).
Hajime Nagumo Age: 17 Male
Level: ???
Job: Synergist
Strength: 10950
Vitality: 13190
Defense: 10670
Agility: 13450
Magic: 14780
Magic Defense: 14780
Skills: Transmute [Ore Appraisal] [Precision Transmutation] [Ore Perception] [Ore Desynthesis] [Ore Synthesis] [Duplicate Transmutation] [Compression Synthesis] - Mana Manipulation [Mana Discharge] [Mana Compression] [Remote Manipulation] - Iron Stomach - Lightning Field - Air Dance [Aerodynamic] [Supersonic Step] [Steel Legs] [Riftwalk] - Gale Claw - Night Vision - Far Sight - Sense Presence [Precision Sensing] - Detect Magic [Precision Sensing] - Sense Heat [Precision Sensing] - Hide Presence [Illusion Waltz] - Poison Resistance - Paralysis Resistance - Petrification Resistance - Fear Resistance - Elemental Resistance - Foresight - Diamond Skin - Steel Arms - Intimidate - Telepathy - Tracking - Increased Mana Recovery - Mana Conversion [Stamina] [Healing] - Limit Break - Creation Magic - Language Comprehension
Do you see where I'm getting at?
Granted, Monsters at lower levels of the Abyss were much stronger so that's one way of explaining Hajime's Monstrous(Pun intended) growth.
Anyway aside from that the only thing I'd change was the dynamic between Yue and the MC because in the Novel they just seemed to click with each other instantly, there were no hiccups in their teamwork.
The only thing I'd change would be that I'd add those hiccups early on, that's why I kept saying that it's hard to use Skills without saying their names because by the time when the MC would meet Yue he'd have a perfect handle of his Skills and could effortlessly use them without saying their names... and the hiccup would come in the fact that the MC would just bump into one of Yue's spells because she'd try to help him by taking out a few Monsters. So in the end he'd still say the names out loud, but it would be too signal what he's going to do.
That's all I'd change in Volume 1
Volume 2
The Haulias... I love what Ryo Shirakome did with them, so the one thing I'd do was take the insanity that are the killer bunnies AND TRIPLE IT.
First off, the duel between Shea and Yue was the cause for Shea to join Hajime's party. What I'd do here is make the MC test if he can affect the timeline(of course he could, but he wouldn't know that) so during the time in the bottom of Orcus Dungeon he'd train Yue's reflexes and overall close quarters combat to try and see if that would cause Shea to lose(remember that Shea landed that hit on Yue only by the skin of the teeth) and obviously she'd lose, but to reduce the possibility of Butterfly Effect bullshittery he'd still let Shea join.
Secondly, the only thing I think would have made Haulias better was if Hajime forced them to eat Monster meat and give them Ambrosia creating the perfect Monthy Python reference.
Aside from that, when those Bearman would try to attack Haulias, instead of sparing them the MC would let them die... Hell, he'd definitely just rub it in Verbergen Elders faces that "The pathetic Rabbitman defeated The strong Bearman.".
That's all I'd change in Volume 2
Volume 3
Now that I think about it, I didn't have any changes planned here, maybe aside from calling out the students that came with Aiko on their hypocrisy that they'd stop their scorn of Hajime only when he died.
Also I may or may not have let Aiko just died, and I think that'd be the only change.
Volume 4
The MC would still save Myu, albeit reluctantly because she's a free Trust-Pass to the people of Erisen.
Here would be the biggest change, because after rescuing The Party of The Big Dumbass he'd reveal that Hiyama was the one that shot the fireball at Hajime, but naturally Kouki wouldn't believe him because "He's a murderer.".
Also, Kaori wouldn't join the MC, whether it'd be because MC rejects her, or she simply doesn't think he's Hajime was something I never settled on.
However that's not the biggest change.
The biggest change would be... the MC would kill Eri, frame Hiyama for it and ditch a lot of his meta-knowledge.
You see, Eri is the cause of a lot of bullshittery happening such as: Demonic Invasion on The Kingdom, Death of Meld, Kidnapping Myu in Vol 11 and those are the only ones I can name from the top of my head.
So with her gone A LOT of things would be very different from the Canon... but I forgot what it'd possibly change and Arcs that would come out of it, and I didn't write it down, which in hindsight seems like a dumb move.
Volume 5
Vol 5 would probably go the exact same... I mean with The Gamer the MC would probably get a few Skills that would let him heal others so he'd probably still help the Dukedom of Ankaji... or not, depending on what I'd think would lead to more interesting outcomes.
Volume 6
Here would be a lot of room for some new Arc, and the Canon divergence would be pretty significant.
But sadly I don't remember what would happen here.
Reason number 2 - I don't like this Fic... something was just off, but I couldnt quite nail down what, and then this review came:
Cole BloodRose: The lose of 5 games permanently is BS in my opinion.
It was meant to be BS to punish the MC and have him lose something because no one likes MCs that get Lucky constantly.
However that review wasn't what made me realize what's the thing I don't like about this Fic, that honor goes to this review:
Dragon0905: Between reditter and virgin, even as low on new stuff to read as I am, I'd have skipped. The virgin means it a Whitney ass butch almost guaranteed. And I'm not a fan of redit. And is remember skipping your story a few times previously because of it.
There are so many games out there that if you can't at least add 50 names you really can't call yourself a gamer. And how many games have you looked at but either couldn't afford financially or timewise that you just skipped? Hundreds? Come on.
And your ROB seemingly REALLY DESPERATELY wants you to be a crafter and your character really doesn't. Only seems to do it out of boredom. Took anything but the starter game and the crafting stuff from you. Stuck you with synergist even when asked not to. Yeah, probably gonna keep happening.
The part where he says "If you can't add at least 50 games you can't really call yourself a gamer." is what made me realize what I didn't like about this Fic.
I got too carried away with the abilities.
[Music Player] was originally meant as a way for me to add a Dubstep Gun and be used only on occasion for hopefully comedic effect.
[The Game] was a way to have the ability to switch fighting Styles through [Style].
[Game UI] Honestly? I have no idea why I added it.
[Attributes] was originally meant to be the same as the one in Gamer manhwa(Yes I know I said webtoon in Ch 1, but it was because I read it there and thought more people would understand if I said it) but there was a problem... I'm using the FFN App to write here and, if you didn't know already, I can't add things like a "plus" here, so I chose to re-make the ability instead of just straight up removing it.
So the problem I had with this Fic was that I simply got carried away, and I'm aiming to keep it simpler while doing the re-write.
On another note I am going to delete this Fic and my old one a week after I release the re-written version, because I figured that at the rate I'm currently going I'd have 100 unfinished fics for one reason or another.
That's all. Peace!