Prompt: "Can I get a Elisabeth singing too loudly waking up every master and servant from sleep with various emotions ramping towards the Lancer, and in the end maybe Shirou throw a pillow to shut her up or both running away from their sleep-deprived allies and enemies" — Best Medic, answered by TungstenCat

"Emiya-kun, please explain. Now." said Rin with a malicious grin, pouring just the right amount of poisoned honey into her words.

Only to have them entirely drowned out by the cacophony of the crowd, and the tortured screeching of the guitars.

Grinding her teeth, she grabbed Shirou's sleeve and yanked hard. "EMIYA!"

"Huh? What?" He startled, his gaze finally leaving the frilly pink eyesore commanding the stage, waving merrily at them as a reptilian tail twirled to the discordant beat. "What's the matter, Tohsaka?" His face wilted under the force of her glare. "Okay, maybe things got a little out of hand, but—"

Rin pinched the bridge of her nose. Clearly she was going to need to walk him through his idiocy.

"Why did you build her a stage?"

"Ahh. Lancer really wanted it." His amber eyes took on a bit more confidence. "And a singing competition is better than a war, right? This way, nobody has to get hurt."

Lies! Rin's poor eardrums had been the first casualties. She took a deep breath, then jabbed an accusatory finger into his chest.

"And why is it three stories high? And covered in roses and… are those bats?" she screamed, and winced at her own shrillness. But she wasn't to blame! The noise was terrible enough without decorations so aggressively mismatched they made her eyes water.

Shirou had the decency to look sheepish. "When Saber heard about the contest, she insisted on a golden theatre. She and Lancer argued about splendour and marketing trends and other stuff I didn't quite understand, but…" He awkwardly waved a hand. "This was the compromise."

"And you didn't use your Command Seals to step in," said Rin, scorn dripping from each syllable.

"You said those were only for emergencies!"

This was an emergency against all semblance of good taste, but explaining that to the idiot seemed like an impossible task. A sigh shook her shoulders as Shirou babbled on.

"And then Rider said anything Rome can do, she can do better." His finger jerked towards the side of the stage, and the fiery mane and spiked leather of the woman leaning on it, impatiently waiting her turn. "And then people just started showing up, and…"

"And Fuyuki," interrupted Rin with a scowl that promised violence, "My city, the land entrusted to me by my ancestors, is now the scream metal capital of Japan!"

Her fists clenched at her sides. She was going to kill someone. It should really be Shirou, this was his fault, but it was always so hard to stay angry at that stupidly earnest face—

"Oh, lighten up, Rin." The childish sweetness of the voice was tinged with mockery. "Nobody likes a grumpy old lady!"

Scowling, she whirled around to find Illya beaming down at them from her perch on Berserker's shoulder. They were wearing identical shirts, emblazoned with lurid band names over fang-toothed horrors more grotesque than anything lurking within the Grail. The little homunculus was practically drowning in the fabric, while it stretched so tightly across the Servant's broad chest that it was tearing at the seams.

"Illya?" asked Rin incredulously. "You're into this?"

"Of course! Germany had the best metal bands in the world!" Illya's voice lowered to a greedy cackle, barely audible above the pounding roar of a drum solo. "Now that I'm finally away from old-man Acht, I'm going to listen to as much as I want! Let's see you toss this into the fireplace, you shaggy old loser!" She pointed imperiously towards the mosh pit. "Berserker! We're going in!"

"▂▂▃▃▅▅—!"

Exhaustion fell on Rin like a wave. She really wanted to climb back in bed and smother her head under the pillows, but she already knew it was no good, not with that infernal screeching—

Screeching. Gears. She had an idea.

"Hey Archer?" She reached out with her mind, and felt the answering presence of her Servant.

"What is it, Rin?" Even disembodied, his sarcastic drawl was unmistakable. "Had enough? Are you finally going to let me kill him?"

Instinctively she shook her head, even though she knew he couldn't see her. "I have something more important for you to do."

"Oh? What has my unreasonable Master come up with now?"

A wry smile touched her lips. "Can you fit my bed inside Unlimited Blade Works?"

His astonishment bled through the connection. "What? You do realize it's a blasted wasteland, right? Nothing but scorching sand and swords and rusted gears."

"I know," she said aloud, watching Saber muscle her way into the stage for a duet with that the grinning Lancer. "It sounds wonderful."