I wanted to thank everyone that followed and favorited last chapter as well as reviewed. I know it's been a lllloooonnnngggg time since I updated - that fact definitely isn't lost on me - so seeing all this support was really heartwarming. I really appreciate you guys.
Mika: Thank you so much for reviewing! I'm hoping to keep up the updates for this but sometimes life gets a little away from me and I do tend to write when inspiration strikes. Hope you enjoy this chapter!
skipandshout: I'm so glad you reviewed! It made me really happy. I really hope you like this chapter as well!
Chapter 14: The Last Lonely Girl of Erebor
There was something annoyingly calming about Rivendell. The light seemed to only caress this place, only giving way when starlight was in dazzling plenty. The mountains that cradled the elegant arches of each building seemed to huddle closer in an effort to protect, making the people that came here feel that all was protected.
It was a feeling that I wasn't entirely accustomed to from my long years of traveling, getting by but never trusting the hospitality of others. It made me uncomfortable - but I was beginning to think that that was because I wasn't uncomfortable at all.
Distantly, I heard the general clammer of the rest of the dwarves, all crowded into a cramped alcove. After a rather abysmal dinner where many of them had left hungry, my brothers and a few others had wandered around until they had finally found the elves' kitchens and promptly raided any cheeses and bread they could find. Now they were all clustered together, a makeshift fire blazing on the well-kept stones of Rivendell. Tomorrow they would surely find the scorched rock in place of us.
I had slipped away shortly after, unwilling to stay any longer while my brothers had been whispering peevishly to each other. Surely about me. And how to handle my attitude. It wasn't hard to disappear in a room like that - not with half of them preoccupied with hunger and the other half gathering their packs to go wash in a fountain nearby. So I had wandered, washing in one of the bathhouses that a helpful harpist had shown me before drifting to a secluded balcony just far enough away from the others that I could hear their roar without any further engagement.
My wet curls ruffled in the misty winds that whispered from the mountain falls around and I wondered not for the first time what I was doing here.
"You always used to scamper off when we were kids." I jerked at the deep voice, the tone quiet, intimate in the dusk glow. The now-familiar scent of leather and something warmer and homier drifted to me as he settled beside me on the balcony railing, his body turned toward me. His eyes were deep ocean blue in the evening light, stray bands of light lancing through his hair to accentuate the lighter tones of his dirty blonde hair. He was...handsome. I didn't know how many times I could think that in a moment but it just kept hitting me in harsher waves. Maybe it was the way that he took up the space around him. Or the telling tilt of his lips. Or the fact that his hair was damp from a bath, dewdrops reflecting moonlight. Or the way that he looked at me in these moments…
His legs brushed along mine, bracketing me as he sat on the rail sideways. Stomach flipping, I found my words clumsily. "You always had a way of finding me." His gaze deepened, penetrating me and I had to look away, blushing. The next words slipped out on a deep breath, large a slab of flesh torn from me unwillingly. "And apparently still do."
I winced, biting down on my lip until it stung. It would do neither of us any good to forget who we were. Across the way, I saw a pair of elves talking quietly, their heads tipped toward each other in intimate confidence. We weren't like them. I almost wanted to laugh at the roaring reality of that. No matter how many times we spoke like this, no matter how much my body ached for him - we were not the same. He was a prince and I - well, this place was a harsh reminder.
There was a long silence, accentuated by the fall of the water all around us. At that moment, I wanted to tear out my own heart and toss it over the edge and into the stream that ran below. It would do me more use to get rid of all of these confusing, hateful emotions.
Gentle fingers, roughened by years at work skimmed along my jaw, drawing me back to Fili, his eyes hard, jaw tensed even as he focused on the slow circles that those fingers were making along my jaw, across my cheekbone.
"Tell me what's wrong." It was a command. A command from someone that knew how to lead others. The beads in his beard and hair caught the light, flashing.
I want you, my brain whispered and my heart shivered with the knowledge. Instead, I forced out a small, "Nothing." My heart withered and then burst, kicking wildly at the tight smile that pulled at his lips, his much bigger hands cupping my nape, burrowing into the mess of my hair and making my breath stop. Our eyes locked, something heated and altogether unnamable charging between us. My lips were numb. "You should stop."
"Stop what?" His voice had dipped, taking on a more gravelly tone.
"Th-this." Heat burned my face at the stumbled words. "The - the touching."
His eyes were too open, too honest as his other hand rested gently against my fingers, playing with my index. The hand against my nape squeezed reassuringly. "Do you want me to?" His lips twitched. "Stop the touching?"
I could lie. I had the ability. His fingers rubbed along mine. I could end this. His eyes were piercing, soul-shattering. I could lie.
"No." The word tumbled from my lips like a rock finally slipping free from a mountain, crashing in the space between us with enough force to make me suck in a startled breath. I shouldn't have said that. But I had and Fili's eyes had lit to a burning blue.
"Okay." Before I could utter anything more both of his hands were around my waist, deftly lifting me to bring me flush against him. We were chest to chest now, my gasp pressing me closer to him as he gave a devilish smirk, one big hand lifting my thigh to sit atop his own before doing the same to the other so that both were wrapped around his hips. It didn't escape me that he was handling me more gently than he needed to, his every movement controlled as he avoided jostling my injured arm too much. My heart melted a little bit further, simmering.
I want you. My lips tingled, responding to the way that his eyes had drifted to him. I want to keep you and these moments. My whole body shuddered, warming as his hands settled at my hips, so broad that they spanned most of my hips and part of my butt. Please - to all the Gods - let me keep this man.
His voice slipped to me on the dusk wind, warming my own lips. "Tell me what's wrong."
Anxiety twisted my lips. Why was he so - why did he have to be so - Reading the unwillingness on my face, he tipped his head to the side, mischief sparking his eyes. "If you don't tell me, I'll simply have to go and talk to your brothers. I'm sure they'll be far more… invasive than I'm being right now."
I found that hard to believe since I was currently splayed across his lap. Then I grimaced, remembering when Dori had first tried to tell me about sex. It was a horrifying reminder.
"You…" I floundered, momentarily caught off guard again by the fact that he was so close to me. And that his eyes were speckled with odd swirls of gray and whitish-blue. I forced my eyes away, down to the soft cotton of his shirt beneath the thick leather and fur of his coat. "You… are a prince-"
"You bring that fact up an awful lot," he observed but I barreled on, staring harder at the strong column of his throat.
"And I-" I gulped, already hating the words that were about to come out of my mouth. "I am a half-breed." His brows dipped, furrowing at disdain at the use of words but I stumbled forward. "I know that - that maybe this is… normal for - for princes to go and - and flirt. But we're on the same quest. And I am… half-elf. And also a commoner. So… engaging in any type of banter with me is…" I searched for an appropriate word and came up with two. "Frowned upon. You would do better to keep your distance from me. Treat me as a - a companion. For the quest."
I wasn't entirely sure how he was reacting but from the gradual tensing of his shoulders beneath my hands, he wasn't in complete agreement. Calloused fingers curled around my jaw, his thumb tipping my chin up until I had to meet his gaze. My breath stopped at the anger simmering in those eyes - anger that didn't seem to be directed at me but at some outward force that I couldn't begin to fathom.
"Do you really think so lowly of me?" My heart squeezed, shuddering at the quiet rage in those strained words. His eyes searched my own. "Do you really think that I care that you don't have any useless royal blood in you? That you have elf blood running through your veins? Do you think me so heartless?"
The words struck me to my very core. Because I wanted to believe so badly that he didn't. But how? How could I when his life was made for the crown - when he was molded to sit in that throne? How could I when all those things seemed to matter so much to everyone else?
"Your uncle-" the words quivered from my lips, sounding weaker than I wanted them to and Fili's eyes blazed a brighter blue, shining through the darkened night.
The fingers at my jaw tightened, not hurting but firm as if he wanted to force every single word that he was about to say into me.
"Do you think he leads me around with a bridle and reins?" he demanded and I was startled into silence by the frankly scarring image. The arctic blue of his eyes gave way to slate, darkening rapidly like the changing of tides or the sudden howl of wind bringing in a storm. His words were lower now, fervent and raw. "Listen to me, Tori. I love my uncle. He's the father I never had. He's guided me and trained me and I would lay my life down for him day after day because I know that he would do the same for me or my brother." His eyes pinned me, the hand at my waist tightening. "But those facts don't mean that I agree with all his choices. He's a hard dwarf because he's had a hard life. He keeps people at a distance and treats them harshly because that's easier than allowing them close just so that they may hurt him. He doesn't give trust easily and he holds grudges tightly. When your brothers brought you home, the elves' betrayal was still fresh. He allowed that to color his treatment of you and I'll never forgive him for that." He swallowed and his eyes softened to a cloudy gray, his thumb rubbing along my chin. "Or myself." His voice softened further, letting sadness tint his words. "I let his feelings and the feelings of others taint my perspective of you. It's… it's my greatest regret that I didn't protect you."
My heart expanded, pushing against my ribcage and lunges until I felt like a bag filled with too much water. Breath tugged rawly from me, puffing out as he leaned closer, eyes crinkling as he pushed a tangle of curls away from my face. Tingles shivered down my scalp, dancing across my neck and chest. He was looking at me like - like he saw me. As if, there was nothing more than the two of us, our histories erased.
Fili's hand at my back ran distracting lines along my back, down to my hips, and then back up. I shivered at the heat in his gaze, the way that his hips shifted against me, making me burn and ache and feel a confusing mix of emotions that I had never felt before. He took it all in, his expression hungry, heavy-lidded.
His next words were warm against my lips and I shivered as I realized how close we were now. His forehead ghosted across mine, the whisps of his hair tickling my face. "When I look at you… Tori, you are gorgeous. You take my breath away. A million others should have told you that." I exhaled raggedly, all of what he was saying pushing against me, confusing me. He thought I was..? "Even when we were children, I thought so. I hated every minute of it. I hated that I thought you were so beautiful. But I did. And I still do."
"I - I'm -" A dozen hateful things came to mind - things that others had told me. Things that I had thought to myself. Too skinny. Hair was too out of control. It frizzed in the heat and went limp in the cold. Never pretty - more like a tumbleweed than actual hair. Outlandish. Didn't have a beard. Didn't look like the others. Too… too much like an elf. I forced my eyes away from him, my face heating. "I know what I look like. I know that I'm not - I can never be-" I was horrified at the burn of tears, the thickening in my voice.
"I don't want you to be whatever you're thinking right now." Gods, it broke me. His voice was so earnest. I wanted to wrap myself in it. I couldn't help looking up then, my eyes falling into his. Both of his hands curled into the soft material of my coat, tugging me closer so that I couldn't tell where he began and I ended anymore. My chest pressed to the strong planes of his, his breath pushing against me, his warmth dulling the chill of the night air. His lips brushed mine, the barest touch like the flutter of wings and my whole ached, wanting to keep this moment just as it was but also wanting more. Wanting so much more. "I want you." His voice dipped lower, the words spoken against my lips like some sacred prayer or offering and I gobbled them up, greedy, starved. "I want your anger and your snarks. I want your wild hair and your hands - too small and graceful for the ax but lethal, nonetheless."
My breath stalled as he suddenly grasped my uninjured hand, drawing it to his lips, his lashes lowering as he placed a slow kiss to my open palm, the hairs of his beard tickling, his beads cold against my skin. His eyes opened, flicking up to meet mine, burning. "I want your kindness and your agony. I want your dainty ears."
I stopped breathing altogether at the wicked smirk, his eyes twinkling as he tugged me closer with a hand to my waist. Tingles coursed up my spine, heat scorching along my neck as I felt his lips, the scrape of his beard just against the shell of my ear before he was placing a lingering kiss there as well. "Your very elvish ears."
Tiny shivers danced along my nape even as I let out a quiet growl, glaring at him as he pulled away to grin down at me. And then his face stills, his eyes locking onto my lips, my bared teeth and all of a sudden I feel… Aware. All of my senses focus down on him, how his body has tensed and his eyes have gone a dark, lethal blue. And I want… I want. Just as much as he does. My heart gallops. Maybe even more.
Brows furrowed, his eyes rake up my face, colliding with my own. There's agony in those eyes. "And I want to kiss-"
I don't wait for him to finish. I can't. Maybe I should because this is wildly inappropriate. And such a terrible idea.
It's clumsy. I'm clumsy. I don't know what I'm doing and I know that Fili can tell. I jerk forward so quickly, with such force that we almost go toppling backward, Fili's body tensing as he tries to keep us steady. I should stop. I shouldn't be acting like this. But even though I just slammed my lips down on his with enough force to make my teeth and lips sting, the feel of him against me is intoxicating. His beard abrades the skin of my lips and cheeks and I thought I wouldn't like it but I do. His lips are soft and welcoming even though I'm a complete mess and he's accepting my clumsiness with a calm that makes me - makes my chest open up in raw affection.
One of his hands cups my nape and I pull away, startled at the sudden contact, my chest heaving against him. Dumbly, I blink down, unsure of the heavy expression on his face. I take a ragged breath. And then another. I need to apologize. I was so out of line - "I'm-"
Fingers twist into my hair, his grip strong and sure as he tilts my head, bringing my lips back to his. Fili wasn't a mess. He wasn't clumsy. His lips brushed along mine gently at first, as if he was testing whether I would run away like a scared deer. Blue eyes connected with mine, making me dizzy and he-
He was suddenly taking control, an arm curling around my waist, dragging me closer. His free hand curled around my nape, his thumb tilting and pressing my jaw where he wanted me.
"Gods, you're perfect," he whispered. I felt instinctive denial well up before dying a quick death, his thumb pressing my chin down, opening my mouth to him as he took my lips again. He kissed me like he was trying to force every thought out of my head, like he knew that if he touched me like this soon all I would be able to think about was him.
He may have been right. A groan rippled through his chest, shivering along my breasts. It was odd that such a sound of pain and lust could make me burn with such need. I didn't question it, my tongue meeting his tentatively as his grip on my chin tensed, tilting my head to meet him. My legs scrambled, looking for purchase and only find his hips in return. He let out a harsh curse in Khuzdul as my thighs tightened around his waist, her leggings a very thin barrier between them and gasped at the hardness I felt there.
His tongue ran along mine, teasing, slowing down as if to teach me the way to kiss him and then growing harder and hard. His fingers tightened at my waist before squeezing my butt, dragging me right up against him, making me whimper. The sound only seemed to spur him, his lips slanting over mine against, his braid chafing my lips and cheeks.
I couldn't help myself anymore, could barely keep one thought straight in the rush of pure heat. My fingers curled into the back of his coat, desperate to get closer even though we were pressed flush to each other. A hot jet of pain lanced up my arm, startling me into a gasp. What-?
Fili stilled, yanking away from me with a harsh grunt, his eyes immediately scanning over me even though he his eyes were still foggy with lust. His breath mixed with mine for a moment, both of us out of breath, lips swollen. My arm gave another irritated yelp of pain and I hissed out a breath, wincing as I finally realized that and let go. Fili's eyes follow the movement with growing awareness and I think I see a dusty glow of red grace his ears.
He takes a breath, gritting his teeth, his head dipping forward briefly to graze my shoulder. My heart flutters, my brain still foggy and unfocused as his hands tighten travel, caressing their way to my waist again before tightening. My breath fogs in the suddenly cool air, the starlight seeming bright and dreamy in this new glow. This is...I take a breath and taste moonlight and waterfall mist, the hand still clutched in his coat loosening.
Our bodies are still pressed together, the hard muscles of his arms and chest wound around my smaller body. It was intimate - sheltered in a way that made my heart squeeze. I wanted us to stay like this. My head dipped, my nose nuzzling into his shoulder, pressing into the hair falling there.
"I should-" His breath left him on another groan, his lips skating along the tangled mess of my hair. His voice went lower, reminding me of falling rocks. "I wish we were somewhere different. Back at the Blue Mountains - somewhere where I could…"
I glanced up, blushing at the lingering sentence, the way that his eyes ran over me with open hunger. I was scared that I wanted that unspoken fantasy so much. He made me want such impossible things. His thumb was rough as it rubbed across my bottom lip, reminding me too much of the sting of his beard. Mindlessly, my eyes drifted to his lips once more, my body acutely aware of how close we had been seconds before. And how close we still were.
"That was your first kiss." His voice was guttural, pulled from somewhere deep within. I spluttered, blinking up at him dumbly as a slow smirk tugged at his lips. He tilted his head, his breath blowing along my lips. "Beneath all that rage and lethal weaponry, your sweet and innocent."
I felt the blood rush to my head, dizzying emotions clouding my vision as he leaned a bit closer, his lips brushing mine once more. I could taste his smirk, his smugness, his blue eyes crinkling mischief. My mouth opened to tell him just where he could shove all this cockiness and then promptly fizzled as his teeth nipped at my bottom lip before lapping away the sting. All rational thought died, leaving me blinking at him as he gave me another chaste kiss, still smiling.
"You're cute," he whispered into my lips and I stuttered, unsure how to take that. I had killed more than a dozen stone trolls, hundreds of goblins, stolen from countless people, creatures, and lands. Never, ever had I been called cute. Head still spinning, he gave me another quick kiss as if he couldn't keep his lips away from my own for too long before lifting me from his lap and depositing my suddenly unsteady body to the balcony floor.
He leapt down swiftly and I stared dumbly at the straps of his leather weapons holder as he straightened my clothes, running his hands through my curls to get them into any other condition than what I assumed to be thoroughly ravished.
Was I dreaming? Had I fallen asleep during the dining hall? I could still taste him on my lips, tasting of ale and that same cozy, alluring jolt that was his natural scent. My thoughts spun, my whole body still, lazy in the aftermath of the evening.
Smirking, his eyes ran over me, taking in the wide-eyed stare with a softening tilt to his eyes that seemed to be becoming all mine. He leaned down once more, his lips grazing along mine. "Cute."
"I-" I had finally found my voice, my heart beating erratically against my ribcage. "I'm not cute."
He took my hand, tugging me into the maze of hallways that made up Rivendell. The whole place had gone quiet, the sound of flutes and harps floating from some distant room or hall. His voice drifted along to me, sure and steady as he twisted his way along. He shouldn't have known where we were going. We hadn't been here long enough for any to know more than a cursory route. But his gait was even, his shoulders relaxed.
"You're right," he murmured, not turning back to glance at me as we rounded a corner. "You're a force of nature. You're a siren sent out to lure all the weak in with those charming eyes and burning hair. You slay me. And you've done the same to others, from your letters."
Now he looked back, stopping abruptly at the entrance to a well-shaded place, trees and stone encroaching on an entrance that opened up to a secluded balcony. I caught the familiar glow of a bonfire just beyond, the smell of roasting food and burning oak. Snores lingered in the air, disrupting the otherwise peaceful night.
Fili's blue eyes were piercing as he turned, his height such a difference that I had to crane my head back to meet his gaze. His eyes drifted along my face once more, the beads and braids in his hair ruffled by a chilly wind. Rough fingertips danced along my arm, before sliding to my cheek. "But to me - right now - you are so adorable that I want to wrap you up and take you away."
My breath caught at the seriousness in his voice and eyes, taken aback by the sudden realization that the prince that I had thought hated me was staring down at me with reverence and possessiveness, his mouth twisted down with sincerity.
His voice was low, gruff. "But I won't." He pushed aside a mass curls his lips twisting with sudden mirth. "And if I kidnap you then I believe your brothers would find us and butcher me before locking you away in a tower." He leaned forward, pressing a slow kiss to my forehead. "Go. I have to meet with my uncle but if you're away much longer the others will start to worry."
His hands turned me, pushing me gently into the entrance before turning and heading to some unknown place, my heart beating with every step he took.
Please review and follow/favorite if you like the story! My creativity kind of dies if I feel like a story isn't being enjoyed so it really helps me kind of gauge where you guys are at and how you're feeling!