It was late when Harry stepped through the portrait hole into the Gryffindor common room. It was empty except for two figures huddled together whispering. It appeared to be an argument to any normal sane person but Harry knew better. Stepping towards them was all it took for them to snap their attention to him.
"Where have you been," Hermione questioned looking at the watch that she had been clutching in her hand apparently for some time. Her question shouldn't have been asked after all. She wasn't his keeper but she was so genuine and Harry got the impression that she was just concerned about him, especially considering everything that was going on within and outside of Hogwarts Castle.
A war raged outside of these halls and in some ways seemed to be taking place every day within. The Lords of Magic were divided, a demonic mage was looking for a way to increase his power. The High master of Hogwarts seemed to be losing face and the ability to lead and influence various members of society which was creating a power vacuum that no one else seemed to be able to fill. Although a few that were less than savory were certainly trying.
"I spend all of my time with you guys. I just needed some time alone." It was half true but mostly a lie and Harry felt guilty making it sound like he needed time away from them. He didn't at least not really. He just felt like they were always looking at him as if he was the savior who would bring about the salvation and whether that was true or not harry needed something or maybe someone that didn't expect him to save the world and seemed to be disappointed when another day went by where he didn't.
His thoughts strayed to Marcus and without realizing a smile formed on his face and a light shone within his eyes as he looked past his two closest friends into the distance that neither Ron nor Hermione could see into.
"You've been distracted the last couple of days, mate, what's going on? Sirius looked ready to strangle you this morning." The reminder of his godfather's frustration with him not doing what he was expected to do brought Harry back down to reality. It was unfair and annoying that everyone expected so much from him, even his godfather. Sirius Black was a fun loving man, or at least had been once upon a time but these days his hair was turning silver and his features were becoming severe from the stress of where the world was heading. He had been brought to Hogwarts this year as the master of battle and as a previous guard of magic it was a good thing for him. It was frustrating because Harry loved his godfather but the man expected him to perform miracles and Harry sometimes didn't want to be the boy who lived, and the beacon of hope for the future of the Magical UK. Sometimes he wanted a godfather who would listen to him and not expect him to be a warrior ready to defend all that was right and good and banish all that was wrong and evil.
"I'm capable of magic no other student at Hogwarts has even started learning and I outperform everyone's expectations every day, every week and every semester. I'm not perfect and I think Sirius as well as a number of the professors here need to remember that."
Ron reeled back as if he had been struck and opened his mouth after a long moment to say something but oddly snapped in shut as if he were actually thinking about what harry had said before he responded.
"You know what Sirius and everyone had to go through during the first war. They don't want that for us or for anyone else. You know the stories. You know how they suffered."
"So you want me to suffer and bring about an end at the expense of everything that makes me who I am. Is that what I am to Sirius, to you and Ron. A means to an end. I'm not sure that's something I can get on board with."
Hermione this time lurched back as if Harry had slapped her and Harry knew that he was being harsh and he wasn't sure why he was so upset by this. He knew what his duty was to the people of his homeland. He knew what their expectations were. He had lived with them for far longer than he had ever wanted to but he had always managed. The thought that he would have to give everything up for people that seemed to care little for him other than what he could do for them was something he had been struggling with for a while regardless of whether the people around him realized it or not.
"That's not fair harry." Hermione started.
A dark look was the only response she got.
"Where is all this coming from Harry?" Ron questioned. He was concerned at the anger coming from his friend who had been fine not just three days ago.
Such genuine care was not something that was typically Ron's field of play but right now one of his closest friends and one of the most important people to him outside of his family was obviously having a hard time and that required something different from Ron. He had no problem adapting if it meant he could better support those closest to him.
The wind was instantly gone from Harry's sails and the rage that had been building within him too faded and Harry was left tired and worn and just wanting to get away.
"I'm just having a hard time with some things," Harry said. He pulled himself to his feet not even realizing he had collapsed into the chair in front of his friends. I think I need to get some rest. Without another word and truly without an apology that he was sure his friends were expecting Harry shifted up the stairs to the boys' dorms. He knew they wanted him to apologize. He knew that they didn't deserve all of what he had said but at the same time they could be found doing the same things everyone else did and it was hard sometimes to remember that not everyone wanted something from him.