Well DAMN! Didn't expect to get the feedback I got for this one. Like I said, it was an old story I found and decided to post. But your excitement made me eager to write more. So here ya go. Hope there is still interest. Not sure how many chapters it will be but we shall see.
Here ya go. Part 2. In this installment, we'll explore what DID happen that night after they grabbed breakfast in "Burned" and for those asking. Yeah. He's divorced. He just is. Lol. I don't do cheating. Won't do cheating. Not my style and he never would have done it. Let's say he signed the papers, and it went through and blah blah blah blah...okay? It's over. Okay. Rant done. Carry on ;)
Let the smuttiness and angst continue.
**I own NOTHING.
Olivia was fuming as she stormed out of his apartment. The only problem was...she couldn't tell if she was mad at him or herself. She paced outside the building and mumbled to herself. Swear words tumbled from her lips. She got more than a few curious and concerned glances sent her way by people walking by. Groaning, she plopped down on his front step.
Immediately though she regretted it. For this very spot was where it had all started. This was where he had invited her up to his apartment. This is where he crossed that line. Where he broke down the barrier that she had placed between them years ago. Yes he was single now. Yes she had flirted. Yes she had wondered. But she hadn't expected him to make that first move. And God the moment he did it was like free falling and there was no escape.
The moment his lips had touched hers she was a goner and she knew it. She could tell herself it was just sex. She could tell herself it meant nothing. But under her lies she knew it meant EVERYTHING to her.
But could it mean something to him? Could it possibly be that he felt the same way? He had been with the same woman forever. He had loved her. He had married her. Had four children with her. Olivia? Olivia was just his partner. It was convenient. He knew her. She knew him. That's all it was. Right? He just didn't want to be alone. Glancing up at his dimly lit window she heard his voice from just moments before…
Damn it...I want to make love to you Olivia. I don't want to fuck you. Not that I don't love that too...but I want more. I want you to let me in. Not just a little bit...all the way.
She shivered thinking about it. It couldn't be. Dear God it couldn't be. He couldn't possibly love her. She wasn't worthy of that kind of love. She wasn't meant for this. He was wrong. He'd figure out he was wrong once she got her hopes up. And then she would lose him. Forever.
I want you as my partner. Not my partner at work. I want you here. Everyday. Everynight. I want you to stay after I take you to bed. I want you to let me touch you...because you want me but not just for release after a bad day. I want you to let me touch you because you need me. The way that I need you. I want to love you in every fucking sense of the word. That's what I want Olivia.
"Shit. Shit." Hanging her head in her hands she started to cry, "What have you done Olivia? What have you done?"
I'm asking you to let me in. Stay. Stay with me tonight. And every fucking night after...stay Olivia. Stop running from me. I can't take it anymore. I lo-
Her heart ached. He was going to say it. He was about to say those three words. No one had ever said it. No one had ever loved her. But could he? After all this time, could he?
Olivia...if you walk out that door…Then don't try and come back. If I can't have you fully...if you won't let me love you...then I don't want you at all.
The sob that pulled at her chest was startling. She hadn't felt an ache like that in many years. Maybe not ever. Had she just ruined the one shot at happiness she ever would have? With trembling hands, she sat up and looked to her right. The ghost of him from that first night still lingered. She could see him. Feel him. And she knew she always would.
After picking up food, they had decided to come back to his apartment. Even in the early morning hours it had seemed too crowded. Too loud. Neither of them would say it, but they wanted some peace. Some quiet. Alone.
So now they sat on his steps again. He had finished his food before her but he was watching her. She should feel self conscious but she didn't. How many times had he watched her eat over the years? The man had seen her at her best and worst. There was no hiding anything anymore. No point in trying.
She swallowed her last bite of her breakfast sandwich and turned. Resting her back on the pillar behind her she sighed. Brushing her hands on her jeans she offered him a smile, "Thanks for breakfast."
He smirked and nodded his head, "You're welcome."
Taking a deep breath, she looked up at the early morning light, "I forgot what it was like…"
Lifting his coffee cup to his lips, he never took her eyes off of her as he spoke, "Forgot what?"
Her brown eyes fluttered shut and she shrugged, "What the city was like. The sounds. The smells. The feeling. I felt so damn far away. Like I was on another planet. Like this place only existed in a memory."
Elliot had to look away. Oh. Oregon. She meant she forgot while she was in Oregon. Had she forgotten him? God knew he hadn't forgotten about her. Every memory, every word, every look, touch, moment had haunted him. Had kept him up at night. The gnawing feeling in his gut. In his soul. What was the last thing he had said to her? Was he the reason she left? Would she come back? Would he ever see her again? Feel her beside him? Would he ever be able to tell her…
"It's not a memory." He knew he sounded bitter but he couldn't help it, "It's all real. It always was. And it was just here. Waiting. We were here…waiting."
Olivia felt a shift in the moment, her head ducked down and her cheeks burned, "I know…"
He cleared his throat and asked, "Do you?" She didn't respond, "Do you know that we were just here...worried. And you didn-"
"I couldn't." The crack in her voice betrayed her and she knew, "El, I couldn't."
They were quiet again. Unsure. Afraid. The silence dragged on and her heart and her head were at war with each other. When he didn't say anything else, she pretended to glance at a nonexistent watch, "I should go. We have work in a few hours."
As soon as she stood up, his hand shot out and encircled her wrist. He could feel her pulse pounding against his fingers. He focused on it. Needed it to ground him. To remind himself that she was real. She was here. It wasn't another dream, "Liv."
Her breath caught in her throat. He had said her name a million times. But the way he was saying it now felt different. Much different. Like he was asking her something. Slowly, she turned back to him. Her brown eyes met his blue and for a moment, time stopped. He was looking at her. Really looking at her and she wondered… "El?"
A slow breath escaped his lips but he never looked away. His thumb pressed into her wrist, and her hand turned. Wrapping his strong fingers around hers he asked, "Come up?" He saw her eyes go wide and he wondered if he had overstepped, misread everything, all those years. "You uh...haven't seen the new place." She didn't look away, and her eyes settled again, "Come up?"
The second time he asked she answered without hesitation, "Okay."
She shocked herself. And she wondered if she had even actually said it. But when he stood up, she realized she had. His hand never left hers but he used his free hand to grab their trash. He stumbled, trying to buzz himself in, hold their trash and still hold onto her hand.
She tried to pull her hand away, "El-" But he shook his head and held on tighter making her heart pound. "El…"
She heard him let out a little frustrated huff, "Can you just open the door?"
She had to chuckle as she reached across them with her left hand and yanked on the door. They stumbled into the building and her laughter continued. She was worried he was angry but she saw the corners of his lips turn up into a smirk. But still, he didn't let her go. Leaning against the wall of the elevator she took a deep breath. His fingers traced circles against her wrist. Heat rose from her toes to the top of her head. Her head was spinning. What was happening?
When she looked up, what she saw made her weak in the knees. His blue eyes were glued to her. They were dark and sure. She gulped when he started walking backwards, still never letting her hand go. They walked to the door and he growled again, "My keys are in my back pocket."
With a raised eyebrow she said, "If you let my hand go you could-"
He smirked and shook his head, "Nope. You can get it." Her eyes went wide and he chuckled, "Scared Benson?"
A shiver ran down her spine but she wasn't going to back down. Not now. Looking down, she reached behind him, slid her hand into his pocket and instantly felt him tense. She smirked, glad he wasn't as put together as he pretended to be, "Nope. Are you Stabler?"
Her hand pulled away slowly and he shook his head, "Nope."
Sliding the key in the lock for him, Elliot leaned in and shoved the door open with his shoulder. Still, his hand never let go of hers. She giggled again as they stumbled through the door and she felt like a teenager sneaking in after a late night of drinking. And yet she was sober. But it sure felt like she was on something. Especially when he spun her around, pressed her back to his chest and walked them towards the kitchen. She could feel the solid mass of him pressed up against her. Feel his breath on her neck. Her long brown hair tickled his chin and he sighed. He used his left foot to open the trash bin and tossed the stuff in his hands in there. She waited and he moved them towards the sink.
Still he was behind her. Still his hand held her hand firmly. His free hand reached out to turn on the sink. Her hip bones dug into the counter in front of her. A small moan escaped her lips when his lips suddenly pressed against her neck, "El…"
He growled and bit down on her neck, "Wash your hands."
She smirked and pressed back into him, "You're going to have to let my hand go…"
He shook his head but he felt the smile on his lips against her skin, "No."
She snorted and used her free hand to ease his away from her flesh. They both felt the loss of contact instantly. She laughed again when he reached for the soap and wrapped his arms around her tighter so they had to wash their hands together. Soon the soap was gone, but his hands still rubbed hers together. She sighed as he rocked into her and she felt him. All of him. "What are we doing?"
He froze for a moment. Contemplating his answer. Then slowly, he reached for her hip and turned her. She looked scared but God he couldn't wait any longer. Lifting his wet hand, he tilted her chin back and whispered, "What I've wanted to do for years."
Biting her lip, she touched his chest, her wet hand soaked into his shirt and she whispered, "And what's that El?"
He settled against her again, his lips just inches from hers, "Liv…"
"What have you wanted to do for years?" She asked, her lips ghosted over the skin on his jaw and he sighed, "We've done a lot of things over the last eight years. I can't imagine what we haven't-"
He lost his composure then, desperate for her. Turning her head he growled, "We haven't done this."
Before she could respond, his lips were on hers. All the oxygen she had in her lungs was suddenly gone. All the common sense, all the reasons not to, all the carefully constructed boundaries vanished. And all that was left was him. He lifted her up onto the edge of the sink and she gasped into his mouth, framing his face with her wet hands. Drops of water dripped onto his sweatshirt but it didn't matter. Soon he was shaking it off. The heat in the room rose 1000 degrees in a matter of seconds and she knew there was no turning back from this. She whimpered when his mouth pulled away from hers but quickly that sound was replaced with a low moan when his lips found the hollow of her throat, "I thought you wanted to show me your apartment." She teased in a throaty whisper.
He smirked against her and let his teeth graze her collarbone, "You can see it from where you're sitting."
Biting her lip she sighed when she felt him start to push away her jacket. As soon as it was gone he was moving aside her shirt. Her hands slipped on the sink, but he held her still. "It's...n-nice." She stumbled on her words when she felt his hand sliding up her torso, "Spacious."
He made quick work of her shirt leaving her in her bra. Pulling away, he didn't even try to hide his desire. Her chest rose and fell, her skin was flushed. And her breasts were pushing against the lacy material of her bra, "Is this the shit you wear to work everyday?"
Her face flushed and looked down at one of her favorite pale pink lace bras. She hadn't been anticipating this tonight but she didn't think it was unappealing...or was it? "Y-yes?"
He growled and leaned forward, his tongue traced the edge as he whispered against her skin, "Damn Liv...I'll never be able to look at you the same again. You wear sexy stuff like this to work?"
She smiled and held his head in place against her chest, "What did you think I wore?"
Elliot huffed and reached behind her for the clasp, "I don't know! But sure as hell not this."
She threw her head back and laughed as he started to push down the straps of her bra, "Wait till you hear I mostly go commando under my pants."
Elliot froze and stumbled backwards. He watched as she made quick work of her bra, leaving her completely bare from the waist up. He pressed a hand to his chest and tried to ensure his heart was still beating, "Come again?"
She wasn't sure how she felt so bold but she did. Shrugging she whispered, "Again? But we haven't even started-"
His head hung low and he laughed, "Walked right into that one didn't I?"
"Yep." She tossed her bra to the floor and sighed, "But you were wondering about under the pants…" He heard the snap of her jeans button and he lifted his head again, "Usually I go commando. Tonight I opted for something else though. Sorry to disappoint."
Elliot watched her shimmy out of her jeans and had to laugh, "Uh Liv? You might as well be commando. That scrap of material doesn't count as underwear."
Kicking her jeans to the side she shrugged, "So you disapprove?"
Elliot stalked towards her and reached his fingers down to dip into each side of her thong, "Hell no. I love it. But…" He tugged slowly, "It's gotta go…" Her breath hitched in her throat as he pulled the material down over her hips. "Up."
She lifted herself slightly but her arms shook. Not because she wasn't physically strong enough. But because the way he was looking at her was making her melt. He trailed his hands down her legs and his body followed. Until he was kneeling in front of her. Every part of her was exposed and her brain was screaming, sending out warning messages.
Elliot Stabler is seeing you naked! Your partner. Your best fucking friend. The man you love more than you thought was possible to love another human. He's touching you. He's about too…
When his lips touched her knee she snapped back into reality. She couldn't think. If she let herself think she'd let herself imagine this was more than it was. And she couldn't do that. If she did...her heart would break. And she couldn't do that. Not yet. It would come. And it would hurt like hell. It would consume her. Break her. Shatter her to her very core. But for tonight...she just wanted to be. Be here. With him. So at least she'd still have one good memory of him to last a lifetime.
She tugged hard on his sweatshirt and he growled, "I'm-"
"Don't need it." She whispered as she tugged again, "Just come up here."
He couldn't fight her off in his awkward position but he stumbled against her. His eyes roamed her naked body again and he whined, "But I was going to-"
Two fingers pressed into his lips, "Stop. Don't think. Just do El." He opened his mouth again and she smiled, "Trust me. I don't need it." He still looked skeptical and she curled an eyebrow at her, reaching for his hand she slid it down the front of her until his fingers rested at the apex of her thighs, "See?"
Words got lost somewhere between his brain and his mouth and all that came out was a muffled, "Guh…"
She laughed and pulled at his sweatshirt again, "You have entirely too many clothes on Detective. I'm at a disadvantage here."
His fingers lazily stroked her and her body shivered, "But I really, really want to-"
She groaned and pushed him back, "Maybe later okay? Right now you need to strip mister."
His eyes lifted to hers and he asked the question that was ratting away in the back of his brain, "Maybe next time?"
Their eyes locked for a moment. Next time. He wanted there to be a next time? No. That had to be his sex drive talking. It didn't mean anything. It would just be tonight. It had to just be tonight. When she looked away and tugged on the waistband of his pants he sighed and lifted her chin, "Liv?"
Her eyes darted between his face and his pants and she realized the only way forward was to lie, "Yeah El. Next time."
Seemingly satisfied for now, he moved and she was grateful. Her hands pushed at his pants again and he pulled his sweatshirt up and over his head. His shirt soon followed. When his pants pooled at his feet she smirked, "You go commando too?"
"Mostly just at night. If I wear anything at all." He challenged.
As if she thought she couldn't be more turned on, she felt a rush of warmth just looking at him, "Damn El…"
He couldn't help but feel proud and yet, she had to know the feeling was very much mutual, "You have no idea Liv. No freaking idea."
He settled between her legs and she wrapped her legs around him, "Just uh...go slow at first, okay?" He gave her a questioning look and she sighed, rolling her eyes, "Been awhile, alright? And you're…"
He pulled away again, "Well then let me-"
"No." Her legs pulled him closer, "No. I don't need it. Just...give me a second. Okay?"
He nodded slowly, "What about-"
"El. I'm covered. Just...just do it." She laughed and framed his face in her hands, "Dear God, just do it." He was still hesitating and she was losing patience, "What now?""Just...I mean…" He looked around, "Here? Now? Against my kitchen sink?"
A slow smile spread on her lips and she reached between them, her fingers stroked him carefully, "Yes. El. Here. Now. Against your kitchen sink."He let out a strangled breath and then surged forward. Both of them gasped as the tip of him began to push inside. Her head fell back and she squeezed the counter, "Jesus Christ…"
"Liv?" One hand gripped her hip, "I-""Keep going." Her head hit the cabinet behind her and she shivered, "Keep going."
Pushing all the way forward he had to settle his face against her chest, "Olivia…"
She felt herself being stretched past her limits and yet it felt so damn good. Better than she thought was possible. She knew she wasn't going to last long. He had her right where she wanted to be and there was no way to not get lost in him. One hand stayed on the sink and the other reached out to him, grasping his neck, she pulled his face towards hers. Their lips fused together and she felt him gently begin to rock his hips back and forth in small, gentle thrusts. He was trying to make sure she was okay and God she lov-
No. No. No. Don't say the L word. She pushed it away.
Only here. Only now. This wasn't love. This was 8 years of pent up sexual tension. This was just released. This couldn't be love.
Little did she know that as Elliot moved within her he was becoming consumed by her. More than he already was. He hadn't expected this tonight. But now he knew there was no other way for it to end. Just as he knew there was no one else he could ever be with. She was it. He lifted one hand to tangle in her hair, he pulled hard and she gasped, "Olivia…"
Her eyes squeezed tight and she trembled, "Oh my God. Oh God...Elliot...don't stop."
He growled, "I need...I need more…"
She slid against the sink and sighed, "What?"
He grabbed her hips and lifted up, "More."
She inhaled sharply, "What are you doing?" He didn't respond but her legs squeezed around him as he never broke their connection. "Oh my God…"
Her head was spinning and suddenly she was being lowered to a bed. His bed. The sheets were rumpled and she realized he must have been in bed when she texted him. That felt like a lifetime ago. When he pushed hard against her, she started to shake, remembering where she was. His hands and lips were all over her. Touching. Tasting. He never stopped moving. Never stopped exploring and she was close to the brink. "Olivia. God Olivia…"
He was frantic and she felt it too. All these years. It felt like she was losing herself. Losing herself in him. Her legs fell away from his hips and he pushed her thighs apart. Lifting himself higher, he pushed hard and fast causing a rush of pleasure to course through her. The kind of pleasure she had never experienced. Her legs were trembling and she knew there was no way to hold on, "I...I'm…"
Elliot reached out, cradled her face and smiled, "Let go."
Her eyes went wide and she tried to breathe but it was all lost to her. Leaning down, he pressed his lips to hers, breathing life back into her. It was like an explosion of heat that touched every part of her. She wanted to cry. Wanted to scream. Wanted to tell him everything but she bit down hard on her lip and moaned. He couldn't know. He could never know what this was for her. She saw him tense as she tightened around him but he was clearly not done with her. Her body was weak but she couldn't stop now. Not if this was it. Not if this was all they would have. Taking a deep breath, she wrapped her arms around his neck and rolled them over.
"Liv…" He fell back hard on the bed and grabbed her hips, "What are you-""Shh…" She pulled her hair free from her ponytail and tossed it to the side. Bracing her hands on his chest, she started to roll her hips. "Don't talk."
Elliot's fingers dug into her hips and he was afraid he'd leave marks, "My God…"
She smiled down at him,"That's talking El…"
The playful smirk in her eyes was driving him crazy. The sight of her naked, bare, glowing in the moonlight was driving him crazy. The way she moved was driving him crazy. All of her, everything she was, it was all driving him crazy. It always had but now...now it was deeper. Stronger. She was here. He was here. He was inside of her and she was giving herself over to him.
When she rotated her hips again he hissed, "You expect me not to talk? Fucking hell Olivia…"
She laughed and leaned down, pressing an open mouth kiss to his chest, "You feel so good...so damn good El."
He reached for her, pulling her face towards his. Her bangs, her long brown hair framed her flushed face and he sighed, "Not half as good as you. I can guarantee that."
She smirked, "We can agree to disagree on that."
He rolled them over again making her shout out. Slamming into her he watched every little movement on her face. Her back arched up into him and he groaned. They were a mass of limbs, flushed skin, loud moans and frantic kisses. Nothing else existed at this moment. He felt the tightening in his belly and he was already mourning the loss of her. If only he knew…
Her legs tightened around him again, pulling him all the way in. As deep as he possibly could go and she knew she'd feel this in the morning. But at least it would be a reminder that this had been real. Tomorrow she'd go back to being his partner and it would never happen again. But that ache would let her know she had had him. Even for just one night.
Bracing his forearms on either side of her face he was determined to look at her. "Liv…" Her eyes fluttered shut and she shuddered in his arms, "No. Look at me."
She was afraid. Afraid to look him in the eye. If she did, she was afraid it would break her heart. It was ending. All of this was ending. And if she saw those blue eyes, the ones that she dreamed about, she was afraid she'd cry. She couldn't cry. Please God she couldn't cry. Not in front of him. He couldn't know. He couldn't ever know.
When she saw him bite down on his lip, she understood that he was right there with her, "El...it's okay."
He wanted to say something. Wanted to tell her. But he couldn't find the words. But she had to know. She had to know. Didn't she? His arms ached as he held himself above her. The way her body shook told him she was right there with him but he couldn't take the chance. Moving one hand, he slipped against her but his hand found her center. He heard her whimper but he kept moving, kept touching and soon he saw it in her eyes. Her eyes lit up, and she cried out for him. His name on her lips, that was his undoing.
Another tremor ripped through her when she felt him spill himself inside of her. She reached for him, feeling it all sliding away. Feeling it all ending. And yet for him...he thought it was just beginning.
Two souls connected yet always missing each other in the night…
He moved slowly a few more times, and she trembled. His lips touched her neck, her chest, cheeks, nose and finally her lips, "Olivia…
She laughed and pressed her hands to his cheeks, "I know."
But...she didn't know. And that was the problem.
He didn't want to move but his muscles were screaming. Falling to his side, he slipped out of her, the connection was broken and she gasped. He reached for her and mumbled, "Sorry."
His fingers encircled her wrist just like they had done out on the steps. She wanted to cry. For so many reasons she wanted to cry. His fingers rubbed against her pulse point again. She had crossed a line she swore she never would cross. Both of them lay there, trying to catch their breath. Her head was spinning. This was it. In the moment it had been like everything she had dreamed of and more. But now...now the ache settled in. The hollow feeling.
Elliot turned towards her and smiled, "So...like my apartment?"
A laugh ripped through her body and she turned towards him, "Yeah. I love it."
A satisfied sigh left his lips and he reached for her, but she shifted away. He was confused but he brushed it aside. He had to remind himself that this was all new. For both of them. "I"m glad. Maybe you could come over again sometime."
She swallowed the lump in her throat and sat up, pulling the sheet up to her chest, "Yeah."
A bead of sweat fell down her back and he wanted to follow it with his fingers, "Liv?"
Turning back to him, her chin rested on her shoulder and she smiled shyly, "We have to be at work in an hour."
His hand fell to the mattress, still warm from her body, "Oh."
Pulling herself off the bed, she wrapped the sheet around her, "I need to go home and get some real clothes."
He lay there for a moment, hearing her walk towards the kitchen. His mind was reeling with so many different thoughts. He hadn't been with another woman since he was a teenager. But that? What they had just shared...that was unlike anything he had ever experienced. It was fast, and hard, yet sensual and exciting. She was like a dream. A dream he had been fighting for 8 years. He would never have been unfaithful to his wife. But that chapter was over and he wanted a new one to begin.
But did she?
Yanking the comforter away from him, he walked to his dresser and pulled on a pair of boxers. He tripped as he moved, worried he wouldn't get out there in time. When he walked into the living room and kitchen, he saw her pulling her jeans up. Her skin was still flushed and her hair was wild. Turning back to him, she smiled and he tried to take that as a good sign. He followed her to the door, "Liv-"
"El, I really need to shower and change. Cragen will kill us. I just got back so I have to be on my best behavior." She paused and looked at him, "Well...maybe that ship has sailed."
He laughed but then they both felt the reality of the situation wash over them. Their partnership. What they had just gotten back. Where did that leave their partnership?
Swallowing hard, he reached for her hand, "I can uh...pick you up. I'm close now…"
She smiled and shook her head, "It's okay. I think it will be nice out today. I'll walk." She saw him start to protest and she smiled, leaning in she kissed him, "I need to walk El. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. It will wake me up." Giving him a wink she pulled away and whispered, "Thanks again for breakfast."
As she walked down the hallway she felt the burning in her eyes but she refused to cry here.
The whole drive to work Elliot was stressed. How would she act? What if she was just...gone? He walked into the precinct on edge. Would people know? Could they tell? He had slept with Olivia Benson. It had to show. He knew he'd never be the same again. He stopped short when he saw her sitting at her desk. The desk she had been gone from for so long. He ignored the rattling in his chest and tried to breathe. When her eyes lifted to his she smiled and nodded towards his desk.
"I brought you some coffee." Her smile went wide again, letting him know exactly what she was thinking of.
Elliot moved forward and smiled, "Thanks. Did you eat anything this morning?"
Olivia smirked and looked down at her desk, "I did. You?"
He smiled back and sat down, "Yup."
They both sat at their desks thinking about what had happened. How things had changed. But they didn't know they were thinking different things. He was thinking about how much lay ahead of them. All the firsts. She was thinking about how it was all ending. But what they both thought was, now what?
Pulling herself from her memory she wiped at the tears that betrayed her. They spilled down her cheeks and hit the stoop. The same damn stoop where it all started and now where it would all end. She had assumed it would be one night back then. And part of her wished it had stayed that way. But of course she had gone back. Again. And again and again. She couldn't stay away. She had felt it brewing for weeks. Knew it would come crashing down. Knew time was ticking.
I want you Olivia. Okay? I want you. Not just in my bed. I want you in my life
His words rang in her mind again and she cursed herself. Turn around she thought. Go back inside. Say you're sorry. Tell him you want him too!
Stop running! Stop running from this, from me, from us.
Running. Running was what she did best. It was all she knew. It was how she survived. It was the reason after all these years, after all she had seen she was still standing. If she stood in one spot too long it would all come crashing down. And that was what had happened here. She had gone back. Lingered. What good had that done her? It only made it worse when it was over.
With shaking legs, she stood up and walked to the edge of the sidewalk.
Upstairs, Elliot paced. He paced back and forth. His shoulders were screaming because he was so damn tense. Before she came over he knew it wouldn't be easy. He knew it wouldn't go well. But he hadn't expected it to explode this badly.
Olivia...if you walk out that door…Then don't try and come back. If I can't have you fully...if you won't let me love you...then I don't want you at all.
He growled and punched the wall beside him, felt the pain sear in his knuckles. Smooth Stabler. Real smooth. She was probably halfway to Timbuktu by now. Anywhere but here. Anywhere that didn't involve him. Without thinking, he yanked the door open and ran. Ran harder than he had in years. His feet pounded on the floor and he almost took out one of his neighbors.
"Hey!" They yelled, he didn't bother calling back to them. He'd apologize later. There was no time. He flew down the stairs, knowing the elevator would only hold him up. He had to get to her. Had to stop her from doing something they couldn't take back. He had meant it when he said it. He didn't want her halfway. He wanted all of her. But damn it, that was what was terrifying to her. He knew that. He knew everything about her. He should have eased into it. But he was scared. Terrified. So lost. He had needed her to just see him...see all of him. Not just what she let herself see.
He burst through the front door, stepped out onto that damn stoop, just in time to see her slip into the taxi without turning back. He went to shout her name but his voice was lost in his throat. It was no use. Looking down at the steps, he saw her there, the ghost of her. Sitting there that night. That first night. Smiling at him. Flirting. Telling him he was taking a step in the right direction. That direction had been her. It had always been her.
Why the hell didn't she see that?
There is no us. It was just sex Elliot. It was always just sex.
Why couldn't she see it was so much more?
TBC?
Still interested? This was kinda hard because I wrote the first one so long ago...but hopefully it's still there. I've got an idea of where I want to go. So if you're still interested...drop a review and let me know! Reviews are the food for my soul. And the reason I keep writing lol Thank you!