Because I have ZERO self control and can't wait between updates lol. Here you go. Meet JElliot. I like writing him lol.
Later that day
It had been a rough day. For more than one reason. For so many reasons. And part of him was angry and hurt. But their case involved a girl who was a product of rape and then herself had been raped by her neighbor. He knew Olivia was struggling. He could see it in her face.
Pulling up in front of her building he wanted to say something. Wanted to reach for her. But with everything that had happened, he knew she wouldn't let him. They both sat there. Waiting. The silence was deafening.
He heard her reach for the door handle and her name escaped his lips, "Liv."
She sighed heavily, "I'm fine El."
In the last few months they had gone to each other after a hard day. Found release. Found comfort. But that was over. He'd be lying if he said he didn't want it. But he couldn't. Not when he knew she wasn't ready for more.
She got out of the car and turned to him, "Night El."
She was halfway to the door when he yanked open his own door and followed her. He wasn't even really sure what he was doing. But he couldn't...he couldn't leave her when she was like this. She may be breaking his heart but he had told her they could be partners. That they could be friends. And she needed a friend.
"Olivia." He saw her freeze with ehr hand reaching out for the door, "Wait." Her shoulders lifted and fell, he knew she was taking a deep breath, "The case…"
She turned slowly and looked just past him, not able to look him in the eye, "The case was the case El. I know how to do my job."
He gritted his teeth, she wasn't going to make this easy, "I know you do. But sometimes the job-"
"I'm tired." She ran a hand through her hair, "I'm just so tired El. I gotta go."
She turned then, ready to walk back into the building and he asked the question that was rolling around in his brain, "You're coming back though, right?" She looked at him out of the corner of her eye, a question on her lips, "Tomorrow. You'll be at work?"
At first she was confused, and then she understood. He thought she was running. And in a way she was. But he thought she'd physically run. Fin had accused her of the same thing. Of course she couldn't blame them. She'd even looked at plane tickets last night and it would have been easy. So damn easy. But something always pulled her back. He always pulled her back.
"Liv?" She saw him move towards her again and she flinched, "Just-"
"I'll be there." She lifted her chin and smiled softly, "We're partners, right?"
Swallowing the lump in his throat he stepped back, "Partners. Yeah."
She tried to smile again, but even the small movement hurt. Everything fucking hurt. She gave him a little wave, turned and walked back into the building. She didn't have to turn around to know he was still standing there. Stubborn son of a bitch. As she climbed into the eleavor, she thought to herself, if it was dark, he would have told you to blink your lights. The tears came then. She looked down and sighed, if it had been a few days before he would have come upstairs with her.
But that was then. And this was now. And she had let everything go to shit.
Elliot stood outside the building for what felt like forever. He kept thinking, maybe, just maybe she'd come back outside. Maybe she needed him as much as he needed her. Or maybe, he was wrong. So wrong about so many things. Sighing, he turned and walked back to the car. The thought of going back to his apartment alone was too much to handle. Especially when that place held so many memories of her now.
He started driving back to the precinct. She was so intertwined there too but at least he didn't have to be in the place where they had…
He pushed that thought away and parked in the same spot he had parked in this morning. Walking back upstairs, he was thinking hard. Wondering how this was all going to work. He told her he'd be her friend, her partner. And he would. But if it hurt this bad today, how awful would it be the longer they went without being together? Or God...what if she found someone else? He froze just outside the squad room. What if she started dating again? It made him jealous before. But now? Now he'd go crazy. He knew he would. There was no way he'd be okay with her going on a date with another man, going home with…
He growled and stomped towards his desk. How the hell had this all gone so wrong? Why did it have to be so fucking complciated? Yes he knew they had a long relationship and there had been many years of holding her at arm's length. But he was single now. What was the issue? Yes she had been hurt. Yes she had been used and broken by so many. But wasn't he different? Why didn't she understand that he would do anything for her?
He slammed himself down at his desk and yanked open the bottom drawer. He stopped short when he saw what was inside. His black beanie hat. The same damn hat he had put on her one night when she was cold. And damn it she had looked so adorable. He remembred the way she got frustrated with him for staring...and yet he couldn't help himself. He never could. But after being with her, he knew he could never stop looking.
Elliot was sitting in the squad car facing the building to his left. He had been here for twenty minutes and was waiting for Olivia to join him. He hated to admit it. But he missed her. The door flew open and he felt the rush of cold air blow in. He could practically hear her teeth chattering as she climbed in beside him. Turning his gaze towards her, he saw that her cheeks were flushed, her nose was red and she was shivering."Couldn't get a stupid taxi." She growled, "I had to walk here." Elliot frowned and turned further towards her, "Why didn't you call me?" She shook her head, "Because one of us needed to be here so we didn't miss anything. It's not that far but it was so freaking cold out." He looked her up and down, "Where is your hat?" She sighed and ran a hand through her hair, covered in snowflakes, "I was in a rush and left it in my apartment. I think my ears are going to snap off." Elliot pulled the black hat off his head, reached across the car and tugged it over her head before she could utter a word, "Here. Don't say I never gave you anything." She gasped and frowned, "Elliot! You're going to mess up my hair." He chuckled but rolled his eyes, "Since when do you give a damn about your hair?" She shot him a look, "I may be a cop but I'm still a woman. I give a damn about my hair Elliot. Hence the constant need to change it." He smiled and looked back at the building. Since coming back from Oregon, her hair was different. Long. She had bangs. Some days it was wavy. And God he loved it. He loved running his hands through it, pulling on it to capture her mouth with his. She was so fucking goregous and she had no clue. He cleared his throat but never looked at her, "I like it." He saw her reach for the binoculars on the dashboard, "You like what?" He chanced a quick glance at her and then looked away again, "Your uh...your hair. It's different. Since you've been back...I like it." Her cheeks were already red from the cold but she was more than sure they had turned a deeper shade of red than ever, "Oh." She paused and put the binoculars down, "Since when do He smirked and looked at her out of the corner of his eye, "I may be a cop but I'm still a man. I give a damn about your hair. It's a good look on you." She felt something pull at her heart while at the same time some sort of alarm was going off in her head. This is just sex. All you have is sex. He's just flirting. It doesn't mean anything. He doesn't really care about you. Or about your damn hair. She shook her head and pointed towards the building, "Just keep looking at the third floor Stabler." He chuckled slightly and focussed his attention on the building again. All the while thinking about her. Right beside him. They sat there for over an hour. Talking here and there but also feeling comfortable saying nothing at all. After a while, he heard her sigh and settled further into her seat. Looking in the rear view mirror, he could look at her without her realizing. Her in his hat. Such a small gesture. And yet...it stirred something in him. The need for more. More time, more moments, more memories, more of her. She tugged on the side of the hat, pulling it into place again. He saw her chewing on her bottom lip as she watched for their perp. Always so focussed. Always so determined to solve the case. Find justice. Be the best cop she could be. And she was. She was the best cop he had ever worked with because she cared so damn much. No one worked harder for the victims. No one put their heart and soul into it like she did. He understood why. She was trying to save people the way no one could save her Mother. She wanted to feel something. Wanted to be a part of something. Wanted to feel like her life had meaning. Little did she know, she meant everything to him. Her life had plenty of meaning. He saw her shift then, and her eyes caught his in the mirror. For a moment their eyes were locked. They didn't speak. He wondered what she was thinking. Sometimes he could read her like a book. And sometimes, she was the biggest mystery to him. Even after all these years, there was so much about her he didn't know. And he wondered if he would ever know. Or would she always keep a wall between them he couldn't break through? He knew the moment was broken when she looked away, "Cut it out Elliot." Elliot, that meant she was frustrated and he knew it, "What?" She sighed and pointed at the building, "Stop looking at me and look at the building. Newcomb could come out at any minute." She shot him a look, "It's our job. So yes. We both need to look." He sighed and turned towards her, "Liv…" She went to reach for the hat, "Look-" He reached out and stopped her arm, "Keep it on. You're cold.' She looked right at him, "I'm not keeping it on if you're going to be distracted." He chuckled and shook his head, "You always distract me Liv. The hat's just an added bonus." Her face softened, but only for a moment, "Don't say things like that." She shook her head, "Because...it's not what partners do." His heart was pounding and he watched her, wanted to say something more. Wanted to push her. Wanted to make her have a real conversation. But before he could she said, "He's coming out of the building. Let's go." He sighed and watched her climb out of the car and went right after her. Because he would never let her go alone. But someday they would have to have a real conversation. Otherwise he'd go crazy.
Late that night, they had ended up back at his apartment, both exhausted but needing to feel something. Afterwards, he lay there wanting her to stay but knowing she wouldn't be in the mood to argue about it tonight. So he sat there on the edge of the bed, watching her gather up her clothes. She was muttering to herself, giving him some excuse why she had to go. He didn't really care what it was at this point. It was all bullshit and they both knew it. When she was finally dressed, she leaned down and picked up his black hat. She held it in her hands for a moment, her fingers ran along the edge and he wondered...did she feel it too? She had to feel it. She had to feel it… He saw a small smile pull at the corner of her lips. Turning her head, she laughed, walked over to him and stuck his hat on his head, the only thing he was wearing now. Leaning forward, she kissed him hard, making him weak again. He went to reach out for her, to pull her back onto the bed but she pulled away and whispered, "Don't say I never gave you anything." He blinked, and she was gone again.
He couldn't remember when or how it ended up here. But he knew he'd never be able to look at the hat again without thinking of her. It seemed like there wasn't much that didn't remind him of her. Lifting it out of the drawer, he leaned against his desk and held it in his hands. He was more than sure it still smelled like her shampoo, but he couldn't test that theory. Not without blowing his cover. Today had been rough enough. He didn't need to make it worse.
He heard a chair slide against the floor, when he looked up he saw his boss leaning against the back of it, "What are you doing here so late?"
Elliot shrugged and threw his hat in the bottom drawer, he kicked it shut, "Wanted to get some paperwork done I've been behind on. Easier to work when it's quieter here."
Cragen nodded slowly, "I get that."
Elliot wouldn't look at him. Couldn't look at him. He knew that his boss was more aware of things than people often gave him credit for. You weren't a cop that long without picking up on all the signs. He knew that on more than one occasion their boss had gone to bat for them to keep their partnership alive. But Elliot was starting to think that no one was going to be able to help them out of this one. No matter how it turned out.
He should have expected it, but it still terrified him when his boss spoke again, "You going to tell me what's going on?"
Elliot knew he wouldn't let him get away with it but he shook his head, "Nothing's going on Cap."
He heard his boss sigh, and shift in his seat. "I'm getting old. But I'm not losing my mind just yet Elliot. So spill it."
Elliot sighed and leaned back in his chair, "Cap...I really don't want to have this conversation."
Cragen chuckled, "You think I do? You think I want to lose one of you? Especially right after we just got her back?"
Elliot cringed and stood up, his chair rolled away behind him and he started to pace, "Fuck."
Cragen watched him carefully, saw the way his shoulders were tense. Saw the frantic movements. Knew the signs of someone unravelling. Especially Elliot Stabler. "Elliot."
"I don't know how it all got so fucked up." Elliot said, turning back to him, "How did it all get so fucked up? Where did it all go wrong?"
Cragen took a deep breath, stood up slowly and walked towards him, "The life we chose...isn't easy. And with it comes many difficult choices. And relationships? Those get burned to hell in the process."
Elliot rubbed the back of his neck, "I just never thought it would be this damn hard…"
Cragen nodded slowly, "The divorce?" Elliot didn't respond and he smiled sadly to himself, "Or someone else?"
Elliot couldn't have this conversation now, he just couldn't. It was all too much. He walked past him and reached for his keys, "I gotta get out of here."
Elliot was halfway to the door when he heard Cragen say, "She saw you, you know."
Elliot froze, confused by his words. But also...worried. He turned towards him again, "What?"
Cragen looked down and kicked at the ground, "She came back earlier than you realized. She came here...to see me. I thought she'd talk to you. Check in...but she saw you."
Elliot walked closer towards him, his heart was pounding hard, "I don't understand-"
"With Dani." Elliot's heart stopped, "She saw you with Dani and she...left. Asked me not to tell you she was back."
He didn't know what to say. What had she seen? What did she think? He had regretted what had happened...even just the kiss. The flirting. All of it. But Dani was just there. She was a distraction. A distraction from how badly he missed her. But she wasn't...she could never be…
But what if Olivia didn't know that? She never thought she was good enough. Never thought she could be loved. That he could love her. But she was wrong. She was so wrong. About so many things. And that was what hurt the most.
Turning again, he walked out of the precinct. He needed to clear his head. It was all just too damn much…
The next day, both of them were back at work. Throwing themselves into the job. Ignoring everything else. But it was there. Underneath the surface it was all there. It was Friday night and for once it wasn't mayhem. They would be able to leave early. Elliot heard Fin and Munch mumbling about getting drinks. But he wasn't interested. He just wanted to go home. He was exhausted. He felt like he hadn't slept in days. He was more than sure he wouldn't sleep again tonight. But...he had to try.
Fin looked over at Elliot, "You in Stabler? We're hitting up McGinty's."
He shuffled around at his desk and shook his head, "No thanks. I think I'll pass."
It wasn't until he heard them asking Olivia that he actually looked up, "You coming Liv?"
He held his breath, expecting her to say no. Wanting her to say no. Subconsciously he was hoping she'd want to talk. But he should have known better. He just didn't think she'd go with them. Mostly because...he didn't want her to meet someone. Go home with someone. Someone that wasn't him.
He saw her stretch and look at her watch, "Well...I guess I could go for a quick drink. Been a long week."
Her cheeks flushed when she said it and she avoided Elliot's gaze. He was pretty sure everyone could either see or hear his heart hammering away in his chest if they looked at him. No one looked in his direction though. Fin and Munch were already halfway to the door. Olivia was grabbing her stuff, still not daring to look at him. He knew she would avoid him at all costs. It was too dangerous to look at him. But he wasn't letting her leave without acknowledging him. He was being patient. Trying to give her her space. But he wouldn't be ignored. He refused to be ignored.
"Have fun." She froze, and looked over at him, "With the guys. Have fun."
She swallowed the lump in her throat and slipped her phone in her pocket, "I'm just...going for one drink."
Elliot nodded and leaned against the desk, "Okay."
She pulled on her coat and looked at him, "Tomorrow's Saturday." He just stared at her, "You have the-"
"They are upstate with Kathy and her sister." He looked away, knowing if he looked harder he wouldn't be able to hold back, "I'll be home this weekend."
She stood there, unsure of how to respond. Unsure of what he was actually trying to say. They had agreed to not cross that line again. Hadn't they? Or maybe it was just her. He had said he wanted...but she told him...it was all so damn confusing. Or was it? She stood up straighter, zipped up her coat and whispered, "I'll see you Monday."
His heart sank at her words. Monday. Monday was a long way away. "Monday."
"Have a good weekend El." She left him there, not looking back.
He was pretty sure if she had turned around she would have seen his heart bleeding on the floor. She was slowly but surely killing him and there didn't seem to be a damn thing he could do about it. And maybe, maybe she didn't care about him as much as he thought she did. As much as he wanted her too. Needed her too. He heard her laugh when Fin said something, but it sounded forced. He didn't turn, didn't want to look at her again. If he did, he knew it would break his damn heart all over again.
He sat there for thirty minutes. He had read the same file over and over again because none of it was sinking in. His head was spinning. What was she doing? Who was she talking to? Over and over in his mind he saw her sitting at the bar, leaning in, talking to someone else. Flirting. Reaching out to touch their hand, their arm, laughing at something they said. Over and over he saw whatever lucky man that had fallen into her orbit, falling head over heels for her. Wishing, wanting to take her home. Would she do it? Would she go? Was he that easily replaced in her life?
Is that what she thought about Dani? That Dani had replaced her? Was that why this was so complicated? Or was that just one of the things in a long list of obstacles that were in their way?
"Fuck." He tossed his pen down, grabbed his wallet, cellphone, keys and coat. "I'm getting too old for this shit."
Fifteen minutes later, he was walking into the bar. It was crowded. Loud. Full of people trying to unwind after a long week. He saw cops he knew from other precincts. His eyes scanned, searched. He'd find her. He always did. As soon as his eyes settled on her, his heart clenched in his chest. There she was. Sitting at the bar. Just like he had pictured in his mind. Some schmuck was leaning in, whispering something to her. She laughed. She held a beer in her hand, rolled it back and forth between her hands. He turned to the left, saw Fin and John close by but talking to other people.
She was going to kill him. He knew it. But right now, he didn't really give a shit. He knew what he had said yesterday and he had meant it. But damn it, he was only human. And this was too fucking much. Stalking towards them, Fin saw him first, "Aw shit…"
John followed his gaze and lifted the beer to his lips, "Well this night just got a whole lot more interesting."
Fin moved to warn Olivia, but he didn't have time. Elliot leaned in between her and the mystery man and barked something to the bartender.
Olivia sat up straighter and gasped, "Elliot."
Fin and Munch watched helplessly, knowing whatever was going to happen next could go really bad and really quick. "What do we do?" John asked his partner.
"We pray he doesn't shoot anyone." Fin whispered back, "Or get arrested."
John sighed and took another sip of his beer, "Well...that's inevitable. Isn't it?"
Elliot took the beer, stood up straighter but never left Olivia's side, "You going to introduce me to your new friend?"
Her mouth hung open, her eyes were wide and she had momentarily forgotten how to speak. The man beside her was oblivious though. He stuck his hand out and smiled, "Chad Walters. I work down at the DA's office."
Elliot snorted into his beer, "Chad?" He felt Olivia throwing daggers at him but he was on a roll now and couldn't stop. "Chad Walters. Hi." He stuck his hand and and gripped Chad's, he saw him wince which gave him such satisfaction, "Elliot Stabler. Her partner."
Chad's face flushed and he looked at Olivia, then back to him, "Partner?"
Olivia leaned forward, "Work partner. I told you I'm a cop. Right? He means we work together."
Eliot looked back at her, his eyes were dark and it made her shiver. Chad relaxed slightly and nodded, "Oh. Right. That makes sense." He took a deep breath and looked over at Elliot, "Well you're a lucky man. Getting to work alongside this beautiful woman everyday. She must be a big distraction. How do you manage to get any work done?"
Elliot gripped the neck of his beer bottle, felt the beads of moisture soak into his skin. And suddenly all he could think about was being tangled in the sheets with Olivia. Her body slick with sweat as he moved within her. Or in the shower, watching the droplets slide down over her curves as he took her from behind. Catching them with his fingers, with his lips, his tongue. He cringed and looked at his partner. "She's sure distracting alright."
Olivia fidgeted in her seat, Chad was still oblivious to the tension. He too was distracted by Olivia. "So how long have you two been working together?"
Elliot looked at Olivia, but she still didn't seem able to speak, "We've been partners for 8 years."
He saw Olivia swallow hard, saw her hands gripping the edge of the stool under her. Chad smiled, "Wow. That's a long time!"
"Yep." Elliot took another swing of his beer, "We've been through a hell of a lot together. More than most. Seen things...supported each other. Saved each other. In more ways than one."
"I can imagine that it's a complex relationship. With all the things you see. You have to have complete and total trust." Chad said, looking between them both. "Otherwise, you couldn't survive."
"Turst." Elliot looked directly at Olivia and whispered, "Trust is earned. I trust her with my life. She's always got my six. I know that. I've always known that."
Chad took a swig of his beer, "And what about you Olivia? Do you trust him?"
Elliot shifted slightly, his eyes were trying to look right into her soul and she knew it. He was waiting. Wanted to know her answer. Needed to know her answer. Did she trust him? After all these years, did she trust him? She picked at the label of her beer, her eyes were wide and he thought they looked wet with unshed tears. Slowly, she lifted the bottle to her lips, and before she took a sip she whispered, "I do."
She saw his shoulders relax, saw him start to move towards her, his lips parted, ready to say something. But Chad jumped in, "You want another beer Liv?"
She saw him grimCe. Saw him straighten up. Tense. Saw the light leave his eyes again. Liv. He sucked in his lower lip, gripped the beer bottle tighter. He stepped back and she turned away. Not ready, not able to face this moment. Fin stepped in, he must have been listening. "Hey, does anyone want to grab a table? Getting kind of crowded up here."
Elliot looked at him, turned and walked to an empty table in the far corner. Fin looked at Olivia, gave her a knowing sigh and walked away. John walked by her, squeezed her shoulder and suddenly she was alone with Chad again. She could still feel Elliot glaring at her. She knew they were in very dangerous waters here but she didn't know how to get out of it. That was one of her biggest problems. Once she dug herself into a hole, she didn't know how the hell to get back out. This felt like one of those moments again. One of those moments that would decide the next part of the journey. And she'd be lying if she said she wasn't scared to fucking death.
Chad leaned into her again, "Did you want that drink before we go over there?"
She put her empty bottle on the counter and nodded, "Sure."
She should tell him no. She should tell him she was just going to go over there alone. Better yet, she should tell him she was just going to go home. It would be safer. But she couldn't. Maybe she was just a glutton for punishment. Or maybe she was more screwed up than she realized. She waited, then followed Chad to the table. Fin and Munch were talking, Elliot was sitting towards the edge. There was one seat next to him in the booth and then a stand alone chair at the end of the table. She stood there, not sure what to do. But Chad walked past her and slid in beside Elliot. She saw Elliot tense, worse than before. Saw Fin and John looking anxious. Awardkly, she stumbled into the open chair and took another long swig of her new beer.
"So you guys all work together." The four of them nodded, the tension multiplying by the second, "You must have a lot of good stories. Lots of dirt on each other too." No one spoke, but Chad was still oblivious, "Anyone married?"
Fin lifted his beer and muttered to John, "It's like a car crash that I can't look away from."
John leaned against the table, "Divorced a handful of times myself. Actually all of us are divorced now. Well except for Oliva that is."
Chad looked over at her, "Never been married?"
She shifted nervously in her seat, "Uh no…"
"Because you don't want to be? Or because you haven't found the right person yet?" He asked.
Everyone stared at her and she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, "I just...I haven't...it's not...it's hard. With the job. That's like a marriage in it's own."
As soon as the last sentence left her lips she regretted it. Chad smiled, "So Elliot's like your husband?"
She choked on her beer and Fin groaned, Munch whistled, "Yowza."
Chad looked at them all, "What? I mean a partnership, especially one as long as yours is a big commitment. Like you said, you have to have complete trust in the other person. You'd have to care a lot about each other too. I assume. I mean otherwise if you couldn't stand each other...it wouldn't work."
Elliot sat up straighter and looked right at Olivia, "No. It wouldn't."
Chad looked at him and smiled, "You ever want to get married again? Or are you just looking to be single?"
Elliot saw Olivia take a deep breath and not let it go. She was waiting for his answer. And he wasn't going to hold back, "Definitely not looking to be single. I want to get married again." Her eyes went wide, "But it has to be the right person."
Chad nodded and nudged him with his elbow, "I get that. You want to make sure it's right this time around. That it will last. Any candidates yet?"
Elliot shot him a look, who the fuck was this guy and how could he not take a damn hint? "None that seem to want what I want." He saw Olivia cringe and look away, saw Fin and Elliot exchange shocked looks.
Chad frowned, "That must be frustrating."
Elliot laughed and slammed his beer down harder than he meant too. Olivia jumped and Chad looked nervous. It shook the table, and for a moment he thought he had cracked the bottle. "More frustrating than you could possibly imagine. Especially when it's so obvious that we're meant…" He shook his head and sighed, not able to finish his sentence.
Olivia felt the tears stinging at the back of her eyes. She wanted to say something. She wanted to scream. She wanted to understand what the hell was wrong with her. Why couldn't she just let him in? Chad turned to her and smiled, "I want to get married someday. Have lots of kids. I bet you'd be a great Mom."
Elliot huffed, his knee slammed under the table making it rattle. Olivia jumped again. Everyone grabbed their drinks so they didn't tumble over and spill. John looked away and Fin whispered to him, "No seriously...I can't look away. What's happening?"
"You want kids?" He asked leaning closer to her, "A daughter that looks just like you."
Yeah, she definitely should have gone home, "I...want kids. Someday. Yes."
He leaned even closer, his voice dropped low, "Who knows? Maybe this is the story we tell our kids someday. About the night we met."
Her eyes went wide, and her heart dropped to her stomach. Jesus Christ she should have left. Better yet. She never should have come. She could physically see Elliot's rage boiling over. Saw the vein popping up on his forehead. Saw his jaw clenching. Fin and John sat there, eyes darting between the three of them like they were watching a horror movie. And quite frankly, weren't they? This was not going to end well.
She went to respond, but Elliot nudged Chad, "I gotta get the hell out of here."
Chad stumbled, started to fall off the seat, "What?"
Elliot's eyes bore into his, "I need you get out of here. Can you get up?"
Chad looked at Olivia who looked frozen in place, he turned back to Elliot and saw his patience waning, "Oh. Sure." He stood up and stepped away from the booth, "You leaving?"
Elliot scrambled out of the seat and looked down at Olivia, "I don't know." He waited, willing her to raise her eyes to look at him, "Liv, are you staying?"
Everyone waited, knowing whatever she said or didn't say was going to have some serious consequences. She wanted to say of course not. And truthfully she had no intention of leaving with this idiot. But she couldn't seem to form words. Unfortunately for her, not saying anything was worse than saying no. Elliot's fists clenched and he nodded, "Fine."
He moved past her and Fin leaned in, "Olivia…what-"
Chad called after him, "It was nice to meet you! I'll make sure your partner gets home safe!"
Olivia wanted to throw something at this guy. He really had NO clue. She didn't have to turn around to know that Elliot had stopped walking. She could literally feel him behind her. Feel the tension. Feel the anger. The hurt. She heard him take a rattling breath, turn around and look at Chad. Then suddenly, very suddenly, he yanked back her chair and lifted her up off of it, settling her in front of him, "Elliot what-"
"Is this what you want?" He pointed behind him, "Is he what you want?"
She stepped back, the back of her knees bumping into the chair. She almost fell over but he caught her, because of course he did. He always did, "I-I-"
His whole body shook with frustration, his face was red and his voice got louder and louder, "You want to spend the rest of your life coming to bars meeting random, totally clueless men who don't know a Goddamn thing about you and take them home?"
She stood up straighter, put her defense mechanisms up and was ready to fight right back, "Hey-I'm not a-"
He put his hand up, "I didn't say that. Don't even finish that sentence because that's not what I said." He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, "You didn't answer my question though. Is. This. What. You. Want?"
Each word was punctured with frustration, "Elliot…"
"Is this what you want?" He threw his hands up, "It's a simple question Olivia. You want this? You said you want kids. Marriage. You going to get that by doing this?"
Fin and John were suddenly beside them, "Hey, Elliot, let's go take a walk-"
Elliot pushed off John's hand on his shoulder, "Olivia, answer the fucking quesiton. Is this what you want?"
Her hands were shaking, it had suddenly become ten degrees warmer. She felt like one of the perps they interrogated. Could feel the full force of him, his strength and anger aimed at her. "I...I don't know."
And yet she did know. No. This wasn't what she wanted. It was that last thing she wanted. But she couldn't fucking figure it out...couldn't get out of her own way. She watched his shoulders slump. Then he turned on his heel and walked away again. She turned to Fin, and John, not wanting them to let him go alone. She was afraid. So afraid. For both of them.
Chad frowned and stepped closer to her, "Is everything-"
Before he could finish his sentence, Olivia felt herself being moved again. And suddenly Elliot's lips were on hers. And she was falling. Literally falling. But his arms wrapped around her. She dipped backwards, and he held her still. She knew everyone was watching. Could literally hear Fin swear, hear John laugh nervously. And then she was up right again. Stumbling as he let her go. When her eyes fluttered open he was staring straight at her agian. His chest rose and fell and he spoke with conviction, "I changed my mind."
She was breathing hard, and even though they were in a room full of people, the only person she saw was him, "What?"
He lifted his shoulders and shrugged, "I can't just be your friend. Can't just be your partner." He saw the fear flash over her eyes, "Not if I have to do that…" He pointed at Chad, "And for the record." He looked right at her, "I know what I want. So you figure out what the fuck you want and tell me. But I can't just be your friend or your work partner. I'm sorry. But I can't." He turned and saw Chad, staring at him with confusion and shock on his face. Elliot pulled at his shirt and huffed, "By the way, I fucking hate the name Chad."
He slammed into him as he walked away and Chad looked at Olivia, "What the hell was that?"
John laughed behind him, "That's the drama we've been living for 8 years finally boiling over. You got a front row seat my friend. A starring role for this scene."
Chad rubbed the back of his neck, "Huh. Well...I think I'm gonna go."
Olivia didn't even turn to look at him, she was physically frozen in her spot. She couldn't move. Couldn't breathe. Fin put his hand on her arm again, "Liv-"
"What the hell am I doing?" She asked, "What am I doing? My life...it's just unravelling and I can't- I can't stop it. I had it all figured out. I knew what I was doing. What did I do?"
Fin sighed and looked at John, "Let's get her home."
Her shoulders started shaking and then the tears came. The regret. "Fin I fucked up."
He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and squeezed, "It's going to be okay. I promise. We got you."
John got the rest of Olivia's stuff, and fell into step on the other side of her. She wasn't drunk. But she was falling apart. But they wouldn't let her fall. Whatever happened next, they wouldn't let her fall.