Truly blown away by the support for this one! Here is chapter 6. I'm thinking we'll be at 8 chapters with potentially an epilogue. Enjoy :)
Turning the door knob, he pushed it open and he suddenly saw her freeze. Saw her sit up in the bed, stare at him with fear. He sighed, walked into the room and took a slow deep breath. He had to be the one to speak first, "I'm not out Liv. It's not over. I'm right here. And I'm not going anywhere."
He crossed the room, sat down on the bed and pulled her into his arms just as the dam broke. She didn't push him away, didn't fight him, didn't yell, didn't deny him. Instead she wrapped her arms tight around him and cried. Cried harder than he'd seen her cry in all the years he had known her. And while it broke his heart, while it scared him, it also made him think that maybe there was a chance after all…
A chance for them to make this right. A chance for her to let him stay
He held her there. Let her unravel, let her feel everything she needed to feel. She was shaking, falling apart before him but it only made him love her more. Maybe this was the moment she finally broke down the wall. He tangled his hands in her hair, pressed a kiss to the top of her head, "It's okay. It's okay Liv. Breathe."
She squeezed him tight and buried her face in his neck, "It's not okay. None of this is okay. I'm so sorry."
Tilting her head back, he brushed the tears from her cheeks, "I know. But it's going to be okay."
She inhaled sharply, more tears spilled from her eyes but he chased them away, "How can you say that?"
Even in her sadness, even here when she was falling apart, she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen, "Because you haven't kicked me out yet."
She let out a little laugh and dropped her head down, "The night is still young Elliot."
He tensed but sighed, "You can try. But I'm not moving. I'm not leaving Liv. I'm going to sit right here until we have a real conversation." She cringed, started to pull away but he grabbed her hand, "I know that scares the shit out of you. I wish it didn't. I'm not trying to hurt you. But Liv...what are we doing? This is insane."
She licked her lips and started to try and crawl off the bed, "I know. I know."
He turned towards her, and saw her standing there anxiously. She took her long hair in her hands, and brushed it away from her neck, "Do you want me to go?"
He saw her swallow the lump in her throat. Knew that everything hinged on what she said next. It would mean they were going to fight. Or, they were going to really work this out. Taking a shaky breath, she looked at him and shook her head, "No."
His heart started pounding hard, they were on the right track but he needed her to be very certain, "I need you to say it Liv. I need you to tell me you want me to-"
"Stay." It came out in a whisper, but he heard it, she walked towards him, settled in between his legs and held his face firmly in her hands, "Please stay."
She saw his shoulders relax, saw the light fill his face again, saw the tension, the sadness, anger and pain start to subside, "Liv…"
She leaned forward, pressed her lips against his and breathed him in. His hands grabbed her hips, squeezed tight, still slightly afraid she would slip through his fingers. She pulled away, just enough to whisper, "Please stay."
He brushed back her hair and smiled, "I'm right here."
She kissed him again, then pulled away slightly, "I uh...can you just...give me a few minutes?" He frowned and she smiled, touching his cheek, "I'm kinda a mess right now." She rolled her eyes, "Scratch that. I'm always a mess."
He laughed and reached for her again, trying to pull her to the bed, "Liv-"
She slipped from his grasp and stood beside him, "I just need a minute. I've been...in bed. Pretty much since I got home from the bar the other night. You know except for when I broke into your apartment to get the stupid..." She looked away from him again, "I just...need a quick shower. To pull myself together." She could tell he was hesitant, still very worried she would leave, "You'll be in the living room. Where am I going to go?"
He huffed and pointed to the window behind her, "I wouldn't put it past you to spiderman it out that damn window Liv."
She couldn't help but laugh even though she shouldn't, "El, I've seen enough people try that move and die. I might be crazy but I'm not that crazy."
He chuckled and stood up, "Fine. I'll go out there. But...I'm leaving your bedroom door open. Just in case."
She smiled, stepped up to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. His hands tangled in her hair again, his thumbs rubbed circles against her cheeks, "Elliot…"
He smiled, shook his head and wondered how in just a short time she had managed to make him feel like he was being torn in two and then suddenly so hopeful. So damn hopeful that everything he wanted was in reach. He knew it wasn't going to be easy, but he had to believe she wasn't ready to give up just yet. She'd actually asked him to stay. Something he never thought she'd do. That was a hell of a start. He held her face again, kissed her once, twice, three times, "I'm going to tell you something and it might scare you but I need you to hear me. Then you can go take your shower. Okay?"
She clung to him, feeling light headed, but she knew that whatever he needed to say had to be important, "O-okay."
He sighed and whispered, "Look at me." It took her a moment, but her eyes fluttered open and she held her breath, "I love you." He felt her tense and he held on tighter, not willing to let her go, "I love you. Okay? I just do. And there's no getting around it. So we can talk about all the other stuff. But...I just need you to know. To understand that I am madly in love with you Olivia Benson."
Her eyes blinked shut a few times, but she opened her mouth, "El-"
He shook his head, leaned in and kissed her softly, "Don't say anything else. Go do what you need to do. And I'll be right out there. Alright?" She nodded slowly, he smiled and kissed her forehead, "Remember. Door open." He pointed at the window and smirked, "Still not putting that move past you."
She let out a little laugh, he winked and walked to the living room, leaving the door wide open. She stood there. Frozen in this moment. Hearing him say those words. She had heard them before. That night when he thought she was asleep. He had tried to say it that night this all unraveled but she hadn't let him. It all seemed so...impossible. That's what she had been telling herself. But maybe...maybe it wasn't. He was here. He was fighting for her. For them. He had come here to protect her, to save her, even after everything she had put him through. Maybe, just maybe that meant it was all real. Maybe for once in her damn life, she could have it all. Wouldn't that be beautiful?
The minutes ticked by and Elliot sat out in the living room waiting. He couldn't remember the last time he had been this nervous. Maybe the day Maureen was born? He was fidgeting. Second guessing every word he was thinking through in his head. It wasn't that he wasn't sure about her. About them. He just knew that he had to say it right. Had to say it in a way that she understood. In a way that made her hear him. Really hear him so there would be no more confusion. He wasn't an idiot. He knew that in their relationship they would argue but she had to know once and for all that she was the one. That he had zero doubts. That she wasn't some rebound. Some fling. That he put her above all else. Otherwise, there was no way this was ever going to work.
Finally, she emerged from her bedroom. Her hair was wet, wavy and hung down her bare shoulders. She had on an NYPD tank top and a pair of yoga pants that clung to her curves in all the best ways. In her hands she held a sweatshirt. His sweatshirt. He smiled, her cheeks flushed and she sat down next to him, tucking her leg up under her, "I uh...wasn't sure if you wanted this back or-"
He covered his hand with hers and smiled, "Keep it. Looks much better on you."
She held it in her lap and smiled, suddenly feeling bold she asked, "How about we agree to share it?"
He settled back against the couch cushions and felt her walls continuing to crumble, "I think that we can arrange that."
She sighed then, clearly relieved. He watched her pull it up over her head, saw it swallow her up and he wanted to kiss her. He realized he could have. But he thought maybe first, they had to talk. Really talk. She pulled both of her legs up, her bare feet rested on the couch. He saw the pink nail polish and smiled. It was something that had surprised him. In a good way. Those nights in bed together, learning so much about one another. She wasn't a fussy woman. But he had learned she saved pedicures for herself. Her one real indulgence. After a long week, she let herself unwind, relax, let herself feel like a woman. Not just a cop. It made him smile.
She saw it, and the blush grew in her cheeks. Her heart was hammering away in her chest, "Well...I didn't crawl down the side of the building. That's good, right?"
He reached out to her then, took her hand and ran his thumb along her palm, "It's definitely a good start."
Biting hard on her lip, she leaned her head against the back of the couch, "I can't believe you actually came."
He sighed, scooted closer and held their hands in his lap, "Did you honestly think I wouldn't?" She shrugged and he sighed, "Liv…"
Her eyes lowered to their joined hands and her voice got low, he heard the fear, "I guess I just thought the other night...at the bar. That I had pushed it too far. I didn't mean to. I didn't think...I wasn't expecting any of that." She heard him clear his throat, a sign that he was getting frustrated just remembering it, "I didn't go there looking...I wasn't going to...I wouldn't have left there...with him."
Elliot let her words sink in, waited and then continued to talk, "Did you honestly think you'd go to the bar and not attract attention?"
She rolled her eyes and pulled her hand away, "I just wanted to get a drink with Fin and John. Forget about things for a while. I wasn't looking for...anything. Anyone. I just needed a distraction."
"From me?" He gave her a pointed look and she didn't answer, "Well Chad was distracting you. And you were distracting him."
"You said you weren't coming." She huffed, "How was I supposed to know-"
He rolled his neck back and forth, "Olivia, did you think I could just go home and sit there thinking about where the fuck you were? Who you were with? Who you might be fuc-"
"Stop." She stood up and started to walk away, "Stop. Just stop."
Those words reminded him of that night when he had tried too hard to make her see. The night that she pushed him as far away as possible. The night that led him here. He felt her running again. Knew he had to get to her before she did. "Olivia. Look at me."
She stood there, her back to him, arms wrapped around herself, wearing his sweatshirt. Her wet hair turning the light gray sweatshirt dark. He thought he heard her sniffle and it killed him, "Why does it have to be so hard?"
She had spoken so softly he wasn't sure he had heard her, but when she turned back to him he knew he had, "Because what we feel is real Liv. Because what we both want could be so damn good. I know it's scary. If you think I'm not terrified...then you're wrong. You're wrong about a lot of things. Which is why I'm here. Right now. And even if you go back into your room and try and lock me out again...I'm going to be right here."
She tugged on the sleeves of his sweatshirt, looked down at the ground and shifted her weight from foot to foot, "What am I wrong about?" He didn't respond and she lifted her head again, "You said I was wrong about a lot of things. What am I wrong about?"
He took a deep breath, she wasn't walking away still, she was right there, waiting. Willing to talk it out, or at least try. "You think that I couldn't possibly love you. But I do. More than I thought it was possible to love someone. More than I've ever loved anyone." Her eyes went wide and he knew exactly what she was thinking, "I loved Kathy. I won't deny that. We shared a life together. Had four kids. But my love for her was...different. I can't explain it properly but it just was. This…" He motioned between them, "Goes to a place I didn't know existed. You've seen parts of me Kathy never could or will. And you understand me even when I don't understand myself."
She looked up at him, really looked at him, licked her lips and said, "But I still think that you're...still processing. The divorce I mean. How can you just...jump? I mean Kathy will...she'll hate me. She probably already does."
"She doesn't hate you." He said with a sigh, "Did she worry?" He shrugged sadly, "I can't deny that. And I'm sorry that I hurt her in some way." He saw her start to pull away, saw the guilt written all over her face, "Liv, we didn't plan this. It just happened. It just happened…"
"That's why I left." She whispered sadly, and his shoulders slumped, "Because I just couldn't...love you when I couldn't have you. I couldn't do it anymore. And I couldn't be the other woman. Didn't want to be. Not for her sake or yours. I just wanted to walk away so that you could-" She saw that his face had frozen, that he looked shocked and she didn't understand, "What?"
He stepped up to her, all the way up to her, he was smiling and she had no idea why, "Say that again."
She stared up at him, totally confused, "Say what again? I...I was talking about why I transferred."
He nodded, touched her cheek and smiled harder, "I know. Tell me why you left. Why you had to leave me."
She still wasn't understanding, "Because...I didn't want to be the other woman?" He laughed and she huffed, "Elliot, this isn't funny! I'm really trying here and it isn't easy. I said-" She paused then, realizing what she had said, what she had let slip, "Oh."
He tilted her head up, leaned down and kissed her softly, "Yeah. Oh." Another quick kiss made her reach out and grab him, "Say it again Liv. Say it again."
She sighed, resting her forehead against his, "I left because...I loved you."
He blinked twice, pulled her closer and whispered, "And do you still love me?"
She couldn't help herself, couldn't help the smile that spread on her face even though there was still so much to say. After holding it in for so damn long, it felt incredible to say it out loud, "Yes. Of course I do. I love you Elliot. I always have."
He let out a shaky breath, smiled and pulled her face closer, "God you have no idea how good it is to hear you say that. Especially after the last few days...last few weeks. I was starting to wonder if I made it all up in my head."
She shook her head, felt his lips begin to trail over to her cheek, to just below her ear. The spot that made her lose all control, "N-n-no you didn't make it up." She gasped, her fingers bit down into his arms and she whispered, "El, wait." He groaned and she smiled, knowing just how badly she wanted him to continue. But for once, she realized she had to be the stronger of the two. Be the one to make them put in the work before they fell back into bed. If they didn't, they'd end up right where they had started again. And that was not something she could handle, "Please. We...we still need to talk."
He stopped, and she knew he had heard her. Knew he agreed. Even though it killed him. He pulled away, looked her over and said, "You're right." He saw her look surprised and he smiled, "Look at you facing your fears and everything. There's my Badass Partner Detective Benson." She laughed, but it died quickly on her lips. Partner. He saw it. Understood what she was thinking, "Hey…"
She looked down at his chest, "Losing our partnership…"
He nodded and reached for her hand, "Is going to hurt. Going to be hard." He squeezed her fingers in his, "But Liv?" Slowly, she lifted her gaze to look at him again, "We can still be partners. Just...in a different way. And if you ask me...it will be more than worth it. I know it will."
She fidgeted, tried to find the right words, "But...but what if we screw it up? What if we...lose everything?"
He rubbed his thumb along her fingers, "It is a risk Liv. But sometimes the best things in life you have to take risks for. We could lose it all...or we could gain everything. Don't you want to at least try and see what we could be?"
She closed her eyes, feeling all of her breath leaving her lungs, "The problem is...you're all I have El. You have a life. A family to fall back on. If I lose you? I'll be completely and totally alone."
His heart broke for her and he was beginning to understand things that up until now had been confusing to him. This went so much deeper for her. This was terrifying. This was risking it all. It was a lot of responsibility. For a moment, it startled him. He held her heart and her future in his hands. He knew what he wanted. But was he perfect? No. Did he deserve her? Probably not. But did he want her? Love her? Need her? More than anything. "Liv...you will never be alone." He saw fresh tears brimming in her eyes, "I know that's hard to believe but I won't let you be. No matter what happens or doesn't happen...I'll be right here."
She sighed and pulled away, but she didn't run. She walked to the couch, sat down, pulled her legs up against her again, "Elliot, I know you mean well. I know you believe that. Or that you want to believe it. But you can't promise me something like that. You said yourself...when love warps into hate, there's nothing you won't do." She looked up at him nervously, "You and I...we know each other so well. Too well. And we know exactly what to say, what to do, how to hurt each other. Really hurt each other. We've been able to mend the cracks over the years. But what happens when one of us does or says something that we can't take back? What happens when you start to hate me?"
Sometimes it was good that they knew each other so well. And sometimes, at times like this, it was what threatened to break them. "I did say that." He walked over to her, sat down on the coffee table and sighed, "But after all this time...after all the things we've been through I don't believe I could ever hate you."
Looking at him now, she said, "You should hate me."
He laughed and shook his head, "And you should probably hate me. For a million reasons. And yet...we're still here. That counts for something, doesn't it? We keep coming back to each other."
She licked her lips and leaned back on the couch, "Elliot...I never would have done anything with that guy. I couldn't." She frowned and wrapped her arms around herself again, "There hasn't been anyone else since...since we…"
"That's good to know." He reached for her hand again, "So are you still going to tell me that what we had was just sex?"
She looked down at their joined hands, "It was never just sex Elliot...never."
Sliding across the table, his knees bumped into hers and he smirked, "At least we agree on one thing then."
She laughed and knocked her knee with his, "I take it back. I do hate you."
He chuckled, leaned over her and shook his head, "No you don't. Not even a little bit."
She touched his shin with her bare foot, "You're right. I don't. Not even a little bit."
Leaning closer, he looked over her face, "I know you don't believe me. But you'll never be alone Liv. Never."
She swallowed the lump in her throat, felt the emotions coursing through her. "I didn't plan...that night at your apartment. I didn't see it coming. I wasn't...I wasn't looking for…"
"I know." He kissed her softly, nuzzled her nose, "Neither was I. I won't say I didn't want it. That it wasn't everything I had hoped for. But I didn't plan it either."
She reached out, touched his face and asked the question that had been haunting her since that night, "But you asked me to come up. You made the first move. So...why did you do it? Why after all that time? Was it just because you were single?"
He sighed and shook his head, pulling back just enough so she could see his face, "Yes. I was single and I knew I could make that decision without betraying anyone. But...Liv I did it because I felt you slipping away again."
She shook her head and frowned, "I don't understand. I wasn't going anywhere."
He sighed and leaned all the way back, moved so they weren't touching, "Do you have any idea how hard it was to come into the precinct and find out you had left? To have Cragen tell me you had transferred?" He saw her flinch, "And then again...when you went to Oregon? Since the moment you came back...I was so confused. I was so damn happy. And all the while I was waiting...walking on this line, wondering when you were just going to bolt again. And sitting there on the steps of my apartment, you got up to leave and I thought...now. Now has to be the moment. If you don't do it now you never will. And so I reached out. I grabbed you. Held on for dear life. And you didn't push me away. At least...not until after."
She swallowed the lump in her throat, "I just...didn't know what to do with it all."
"With what?" She didn't respond, "All those feelings?" She nodded slowly, "Liv...when you were gone I was a mess. Ask anyone. I was losing it. I wasn't myself."
Her heart jumped up into her throat and the words spilled out of her lips before she could think it through, "You seemed like yourself next to your new partner."
And there it was. Dani Beck. He knew they'd get there eventually. "Olivia, whatever you think you know about me and Dani…" He saw her tense up at the sound of her name, "That's another thing you are wrong about."
She moved again, creating space, "Elliot, it's none of my business. Whatever did or didn't happen between you and Dani...you don't need to tell me. In fact I don't think I want to hear it."
"Well that's too damn bad because you need to hear it." He pushed himself up off the table and walked over to her, "Dani and I...she was just the next warm body." Olivia bristled at his words, "That's wrong. I know it is. I know how fucked up that sounds and I feel guilty over it. Her and I were both hurting...I was missing you. She was missing her husband...but we didn't sleep together."
He saw her relax slightly, but there was still a barrier between them, "But you…"
"I kissed her." He stepped closer and she stepped back, "One kiss. One night. Liv-" She turned away, "I know. I know. Okay? I know. It was so stupid. And we both knew it." She still didn't talk, "Cragen said...that you saw us. At the Precinct? That you told him not to tell me you were back."
She lifted a hand, wiped away a stray tear, "Cragen knows...about..?"
He smiled sadly at her, "We aren't as stealth as we think Benson. The show we put on the other day at the Precinct? They all know." He saw the fear on her face again, and knew she was thinking about how everything was going to change. But they needed to finish this conversation first. She needed to know. "Liv...talk to me. Tell me what-"
"I saw you. I mean I met her first...I didn't expect my desk to be empty. I knew someone would be there while I was gone. But I wasn't expecting…" She smirked, "That someone to be so damn pretty. Cragen could have given you someone else. Someone...who looks more like John Munch or Fin."
Elliot laughed, "He didn't really have a choice."
She sighed and shrugged her shoulders, "Yeah well...she was there. And I was...confused. And then I went to talk to Cragen. And when I looked back out...you were there. And it had been months since I had seen you. I wanted to go say something...anything. Hell I would have just let you yell at me for leaving. But then…" He waited and she looked right at him, and it broke his heart to see the pain that he had caused even if he didn't know it, "You were leaning over her. Talking. Laughing. Flirting...the way we used to. And I thought…"
He sighed and stepped closer to her, "You thought I had replaced you in my life. That you weren't important. That what we had...that it didn't mean anything." She didn't say anything, but the tears fell quickly, "Is that what you thought?" She bit down hard on her lip and he sighed, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I made you feel that way. I never meant…" He sighed again, "I'm not sure you'll believe me, but it didn't mean anything. She didn't mean anything. No one could ever replace you. Could take the place of what we have…or what we had."
She reached for him again, "El…"
"Even if…" He paused, knowing it wasn't a matter of if, "Even when we have to stop being partners...no one could take the place of you. Of our partnership. No matter who I get put with. Or where I am. Our partnership will always mean the world to me. You made me a better Detective Liv. A better man. These last 8 years were the best I've ever had. And I am sad about it. But I don't want to hold onto it and waste anymore time."
She squeezed his hand in hers, "So...you don't...you didn't lov-"
"God no." He pulled her closer, "No. Of course not."
He saw her let out a shaky breath, "I just...I felt like I had been wrong. About all of it. Like all those moments...what you said after…"
"Gitano?" She shivered when she heard the name, "I meant what I said. Olivia, that day at the bus station." His hand lifted to her neck, traced the faint line left over from the knife, "That was when I knew." Her eyes snapped up to his, "That was the moment I let myself admit it. That I loved you. That I would always love you. And I almost lost you."
She leaned into his touch, "El? I never would have been able to take that shot."
"I know. I mean I know that now...I didn't then." She gave him a look and he frowned, "I didn't know...how much you-"
"Cared?" He nodded slowly, "I told you...you're all I've got El. You're my best friend. The only person I've ever actually needed. And that's what makes this so fucking painful. All of it."
He nodded slowly, "I get that. But doesn't it also tell you that it's the reason we need to figure this out?"
She smiled, "Yeah. It does. Doesn't mean it doesn't still scare the shit out of me? Or make me actually want to pull a spiderman and hop out the fucking window."
He laughed, deep, hard, and he pulled her against his chest, "God I love you. But you make me crazy." He pressed a kiss to the top of her head and felt her wrap her arms around his waist, "What am I going to do with you?"
He could feel her smiling against his chest, but she clung harder to him, "I don't know. It's a scary place up in my head El. You could get lost in there. I do most days."
Elliot rubbed her back gently, then pulled away, "Between the scary place in your head and my irrational ability not to want to punch any guy who looks at you...we're quite a pair."
She ran her hands up his chest, left one hand above his heart, focussed on the steady beat under her hand, "Yeah. We are." She paused and whispered, "So...how do we survive?"
He smiled, lifted one of his shoulders and sighed, "Same way we always do." He saw the confusion there, "Together Liv. We survive together. We're a team. We have been since the day we met. And yeah...maybe the dynamics are going to change. But...if we do this together. We can figure it out. But I need you to want to do that with me. I need you to not push me away." He brushed her damp hair back, "Can you do that?"
She contemplated her answer, continued to focus on his heartbeat. It let her know this was real. He was here. He was fighting for her. She had asked him to stay. She had taken the first steps. And there would be a million more to come. But she was half way there. Halfway to getting everything she had ever wanted. And while it was terrifying, it also felt...so damn good. The beating of his heart brought her peace. Made her feel like she had finally found a safe place to land. Like she had finally found home. He was waiting. He had waited. Been so patient. Didn't make her feel like a fool for having so many insecurities. Didn't make her feel like she had to be embarrassed, or ashamed. He accepted her. He understood her. Believed in her. Supported her. She never expected to find love. Didn't know what it was supposed to be like. But if this wasn't it...she was sure she'd ever find it. Looking up at him, she nodded slowly, "I can do that."
She saw a shift in his body language, his eyes softened, and yet at the same time he looked more intense. More sure. He stepped all the way up to her, brushed her hair off her neck, trailed his fingers down the side of her. She shivered. And when he spoke again, she was pretty sure she was going to stop breathing. "Think you can do something else for me?"
She cocked her head to the side, unsure of what he was going to say next but she could tell it was going to be...intense. "I can try?"
He took a deep breath, knew that what he was going to say had the ability to make her run for the hills again, "I want you to let me show you the difference between sex and making love." He heard her gasp, heard her stiffen, "I want you to let me love you. Fully love you. And I want you to let me stay after...let me sleep beside you. Wake up with you. Let me see the parts of you that you won't let anyone else see. The parts you're afraid will scare me off."
This was what he wanted that night in his apartment but she had denied him. Pushed him away. Broken both of their hearts in a matter of minutes. She held onto his forearms, closed her eyes and sighed his name, "Elliot…"
"I know that's terrifying. I know it is. But if we're ever going to make this work...I need you to just let me in. All the way in Liv. There can't be this wall between us. I know you built it brick by brick. But you need to tear it down. Starting right now." He smiled, traced the line of her jaw, "I'll even hold your hand the whole time if you need me too. But this is important." She took another shaky breath, "So...can you do it?"
She thought about what he was asking her. He was right. Damn him for being right. She hated it when he was right. She smiled slightly, looked down at his chest again. She had built that damn wall. Brick by fucking brick all on her own. And it had broken her over the years. It had kept her safe or so she thought. It had also made her miss out on so many things. She had been so sure she wasn't meant for more. Wasn't meant to have happiness because she was born from something so awful...so gruesome. But here was this man. This beautiful, kind, patient man willing to risk it all. For her. With her. He was asking her to trust him. Asking her to let herself be loved. By him. Him and only him. If she turned back now there would be no turning back. There would be no second chance at this kind of happiness, this kind of love. This was a once and a lifetime moment. It was right there. And all she had to do was say yes. Even if she got scared, even if she started to panic somewhere along the line, he'd be right there. Holding her hand. Loving her despite all her fucking faults. Despite all the things she did to try and push him away. He was right there. He'd always been right there...and for the first time in the 8 years that she had known him she realized...he always would be. Right there. Beside her. Her partner. For better or worse.
This was another one of those moments. The kind that would take her on a new path. That would flip everything upside down. And she was ready to go down the path she had been running from for so damn long. It was time. Lifting her eyes to meet his, she saw him staring right back at her. He looked like he was holding his breath. He felt it too. This was it. No going back. He wasn't shying away from it, despite all the pain he himself had endured. He was ready. And damn it, so was she. "Yes."
She saw his eyes shift between hers, saw the corner of his lips curl up into a small smile. Saw him relax. Saw him believe her, trust her, know that they were ready. That she was ready. He stepped back slightly, and waited. She bit her lip, felt that familiar feeling rush from her toes to the top of her head. Only this time, it was different. She knew it was going to be so different. Holding out her hand, she smiled, "You said you'd hold my hand. Did you mean it?"
He smiled, slipped his hand in hers and squeezed, "Of course I did. Whatever you need Liv. I'm here. That's what best friends are for. What partners are for…"
She started to walk backwards, tugging him along with her, "Okay. Then show me. Show me the difference El. Show me what I've been missing."
He stepped forward, felt her pulling him back towards her bedroom. Felt the Earth shift beneath them, aligning their paths once and for all. She was letting him in. Dropping the facade, breaking the wall. And she was doing it for him. And damn it, he wasn't going to let her down. And in the process, he was going to get everything he'd been waiting for, longing for. And it was about damn time.
TBC