Hermione Granger and the Wacked up takeover!
Crack parody, obviously! What can I say? I was having a bad day at work and this wacked up idea popped in and wouldn't leave!
The doors to the drawing room burst open as Fenrir Greyback and Scabior frog hop a very familiar witch into the room. The reason for their haste: the little witch has NOT shut her trap since they apprehended her! Even now, when she should be scared speechless, she's babbling a mile a minute!
"Omg! Look at all the hunky babes in here! What?! Did he have everyone line up? 'Give me your best, your brightest, your most attractive boys, they shall be my followers!' Seriously! And here I thought I was only going to have two hotties around me tonight! Oh, don't give me those glares! You both are gorgeous and you know it!" she yakked on as they pulled her to the front of the room. "Aaahhh! Omg! Where is your nose?! You know, I could get you the name of an excellent plastic surgeon! My mum and dad have a lot of rich old clients who are always talking about getting new noses and such! I bet they could find you a nose, Voldy!" Fenrir, finally deciding he couldn't take it anymore, capped his hand over her mouth. Even then, he could still feel the girl trying to yap!
Suddenly Nagini slid into sight. Fenrir felt a sting as she bit his hand. He snarled and yanked his hand away, only to find himself with an armful of witch as she literally climbed him, getting away from the snake! "Aaaaahhh! Snake! Save me, Fenrir, please save me! Don't let it eat me, please, I'll love you forever, just don't let it eat me!" Hermione shrieked into his ear as she clung to him for dear life, wrapping herself around him like a spider monkey!
By this time, all the Death Eaters were barely containing their laughter! It wasn't very often that the Wizarding world's most notoriously savage werewolf looked totally gob smacked but there you had it, right in front of them! "Ooh, Fenrir! Look, its Lucy! He's got his pimp stick! Hey, Lucy, good to see you! Love that pimp stick!" Lucius Malfoy wasn't sure why she was calling him a woman's name but he hefted the cane and waved back at her, shrugging at Narcissa as if to say, 'just go along with the crazy girl!'
"Take Miss Granger to the dungeons until I get ready to talk to her, Greyback! And for Merlin's sake, make her SHUT UP!" Voldemort snapped, hiding his flattened nose with his hand. Fenrir turned to leave as the girl starting singing in his ear. "Moldy Voldy has no nose, Moldy Voldy needs a nose!" over and over and OVER again! "Woo-hoo, party in the dungeons, boys! Bring booze and snacks! We'll have a sleepover and tell ghost stories!"
Fenrir almost ran to get out of there before he burst out laughing himself. As he clunked down the stairs, she was still going strong. "You have such pretty hair, Fenrir, but you really need to let me cut the dead and split ends off! Then it would be even more gorgeous! I could put it into a ponytail and keep it pulled out of your face! Then you wouldn't have to push it back so much!" as they reached the cells, he opened the first one he came to and had to practically peel her off of him.
"Hermione?" asked a quiet little dreamy voice.
"Luna? Luna! Oh, thank goodness you're all right! Did you see all the hunks upstairs? And Greyback! Omg! Hottie!" Hermione yelled excitedly, as if Greyback wasn't still standing right there! Luna peeped at him and giggled. "She's right, you know? You are gorgeous!" Greyback rolled his eyes, closed the door to the cell and started back up.