A/N: WARNING!

Alternate Universe Ahoy!

There, you'be been fully warned.

Because Merlin is a jerk, and this is something he'd do.

I made a mention of a Naruto wielding Excalibur and people fucking POUNCED on it. I've gotten so much bloody mail about that; it actually made me laugh. People REALLY wanted me to do it. So I thought to myself, eh, what the heck. If I can write a story where he's literally given Gae Bolg by the living embodiment of immortality, then I'm pretty sure I can write a story where he comes to wield Excalibur. Perhaps even Caliburn at that.

I proudly present, King!Naruto.

Despite the title, he's actually fairly humble.

...and willing to clobber someone if they're up to no good.

As ever, I own no references to any sort of media or madness.

I'm just a guy that likes to play around with words and the insanity they bring~!

As ever, this will be gone in two days if folks don't like it. I dearly hope they do...I worked hard on this.

"Ah yes, the Sword in the Stone.

We all know the legend now...don't we?

That's the thing about legends; they can change."

~?

A Most Unlikely King

What are the qualities of a King?

Some say a King must be bold and brash. Others say he must live louder than any other. One could claim that a King owns all who live beneath his castle; and as such, all who kneel before him. There are some who say that a King ought to grasp all that he can in his lifetime. Another might argue that a king's duty is to guide their people and protect them. A king must be kind. A king must be fair. A king must be a just ruler. They must know the difference between right and wrong, between justice and tyranny. A king is, and can be, many things.

But above all, a true King must understand their people.

If the people need him, the King steps forth to fight for them.

If the people no longer need nor want him, the King steps down for them.

It is their duty to be the sword and shield of the people; the protector of the realm against all who would seek to do it ill from within and without. A True King does not think of what the commonfolk should give him, but rather, what he can give to them. That's what makes a good leader. Thankfully I learned that lesson early, before I

Me?

I never wanted to be king of anything.

Hokage...well, that was different. You're leading a small village, not a whole bloody country!

I didn't ask for that meddling mage to bring me here; it was never my intention to be summoned into another world. Another time. Another place. Damn that Merlin. Damn him to hell for tricking me. He told me he would send me back if I did him one small, tiny little favor. He told me he'd accidentally trapped his favorite sword in a stone and needed someone to pull it out. He never told me he couldn't send me back; by the time he did, it was already too late

I fell for the act.

Hook. Line. Aaaaand sinker.

From the moment I pulled that blade free, I realized what he had done. In that instant, time ceased to have any hold on me. It just...stopped. As though I were a frozen statue. I would never know old age, never lose the strength in my arms, never moved past the age of eighteen. Some might call that a blessing. I think of it as a curse. Do not be deceived. This is not eternal life. That's what the wizard told me. Your flesh simply ceased to age in the conventional sense of the word. You can still be hurt. You can still be killed. You did not become invulnerable or immortal. You have a duty to these people now; for with great power comes great responsibility.

So, I took responsibility.

I wouldn't realize until much later that this was all an experiment of his; a grand game of sorts. Merlin was curious you see; wanted to see what would happen in this timeline if someone-anyone!-pulled the sword from the stone before Artoria had a chance to do so. If it could even be done. In doing so he accidentally dragged me out of my world and trapped me here. I wouldn't even know who Artoria was until years later. One swift tug and Caliburn came free; then he made certain that absolutely everyone knew what I had done for all eyes to see. I wouldn't learn to hate him for it until much later.

For a time, Merlin led me about, offering the vague promise of returning me to my world once I set this one to rights.

One adventure led to another.

Before I knew it, I found myself saddled with a crown, a kingdom, and a throne I didn't want.

I made the best of as well I could; knocking skulls together, keeping the peace, recruiting allies where I could find them. Gawain. Tristan. Lancelot, among others. The latter still knocks me flat on my back whenever we spar. I just can't beat him when it comes to weaponry. I could tell you all their names, but we'd be here half the afternoon. Eventually, we came into possession of a curious lance and a holy blade whose sheer strength made Kurama green with envy.

Meddling Merlin.

I didn't want Caliburn and I certainly didn't have any use for Rhongomyniad or Excalibur. Why couldn't he leave well enough alone? To his credit, he meant well; there wasn't a malevolent bone in his body.

He even went so far as to train me in my dreams whenever I slept.

You know, I never quite reached Lancelot's level in mastery of arms, but I learned to use these new weapons with passable skill.

In time, I eventually met the young woman who had been meant to pull the sword from the stone in the first place. The one I'd unwittingly usurped and saved. She arrived one day unannounced and chucked her helmet at me. Just...smacked me right in the head with it. Eh? How did I respond? I'll tell you what I did! No sooner had Merlin told me precisely who this woman in humble armor was than I threw myself at her feet and begged her forgiveness. I felt filthy inside; as if I'd cheated her out of her destiny. I offered her Caliburn, Excalibur, everything. Begged her to take them. She refused.

Do you know what she did?

She asked to be one of my knights. That was all she desired.

I, who had stolen everything from her, and she didn't even want the bloody throne.

You bet your ass I made her a Knight of the Round Table and then some! Arguments be damned! I wanted to marry this girl! Two years of courtship later, and we did just that. To hell with the gossip. Jump forward a bit more, and along came Mordred. That's another story for another day. There was no grand rebellion. No war. The kingdom flourishes to this day...at a cost. One I never knew of until now. I would've realized the horrible truth sooner, but Merlin and I are barely on speaking terms. I finally took issue with his meddling and seldom see him in the castle at all, these days.

I never wanted this responsibility; let that be known now.

If I had my way, I'd be out there in the countryside, keeping order with Artoria and the rest of my knights.

But...I can't. Not anymore. Not after what I've seen. That meddling mage is still lurking about for that very reason; he's merely confirmed my fears.

Worlds are ending; I've seen them in visions, dark dreams that grow worse with every night, universes colliding with one another, wiping one another out. Those that aren't are being...taken. Billions of lives, eradicated in the blink of an eye. Countless screaming souls swallowed whole. In a year, it will be our turn; this reality will collide with another-unless we can find a way to stop it. I can't stand by and wait for mine to meet the same fate. I don't want my world to die; nay, I will fight to my last breath to defend it. And my eyes have seen only one way to do so. I would need the lance. She's going to hate me for this, but she'll understand.

For the sake of our people, our realm and our world, I-no...we have to fight.

In this world, it is not kill or be killed. We're beyond that now. Sometimes we have to do things we don't like. Sometimes we have to endure. Make the hard choices. We all have our part to play; sometimes we have to be the villain, even when we want to be the hero. We all sacrifice somewhere, something, somehow. Not for ourselves, but for our people. That is the duty of a King, no matter the universe, no matter the time. When you kill, you do it with dignity; you do not revel in the slaughter; you do it because it is your duty. For your people.

Live for them; protect them as best you can. Destroy those who would harm them.

What's the old saying those humans have these days?

Walk softly and carry a big stick?

Yes, I believe that's the saying. I made peace where I could; united when I could, conquered when I couldn't. I don't consider myself a king. I wear the crown, sit the throne, but I still feel ill-suited to it. What do you call a king willing to kill one world to save another? A man? A monster? A filthy pile of secrets? Neither? I no longer know. I only know what must be done. Do not hesitate. Show no mercy. If other worlds threaten to erase ours, if coexistence is impossible, if we truly can't exist side-by-side, then we'll just have to erase them. I do not wish to go down this path.

Yet neither do I wish to lose my wife and daughter.

In the end, Merlin proposed an alternative that doesn't involve the Lance. Its ghastly. Horrifying. But I see no other path forward.

He has offered me something called the Holy Grail. A device capable of granting any wish, no matter how great. It merely requires...fuel. I told him I wouldn't sacrifice my subjects-gods, I really do sound like a king-to this golden cup. In turn he proposed an alternative. Others would be drawn to this world, as he once accidentally-liar, liar, LIAR!-drew me all those years ago. Some might be invited. Others would be beckoned with...force. He claims to have made the preparations some time ago; to have prepared a space for this war. I don't want to know how he did it.

I do not trust the mage; but I understand that he has this world's best wishes at heart.

Our history must prevail. Desperate times call for desperate measures, after all.

So let them come here; to our Camelot, to us.

Now let us have war. A war of those who wield the Sword and the Lance, the Bow and the Shield. Of heroes, past, present, and future. Let them come, drawn by the promise of a wish. Or let them be torn from their own worlds I have no interest in my other selves and their own machinations. None. Their involvement may prove...problematic. No. I've told him to avoid any incarnations of myself. Begin the ritual. They will fight. They will be die. And we will have our salvation. This has to work...because I don't know what I'll do if it doesn't. At least let these sacrifices mean something.

Gods forgive me for what I have done. Gods forgive me for what I'm about to become.

Judge me not for what follows, but for my deeds. My hopes. My dreams.

So come all ye challengers, take my Grail if you dare.

I wish you good fortune in the wars to come.

You're going to need it.

A/N: This story intersects with A Most Unlikely Avenger. Hope that alleviates your confusion. If it makes you feel better, think of this as a Singularity. Or a movie of sorts, one that diverged from canon.

Oh, Merlin.

What are you up to this time?

With that, I proudly present the third act.

So let's clarify things real quick, before the confusion mounts.

This is going to be the second largest war I've ever done. Dwarfed only by A Most Unlikely War.

Why, you ask? Simple! Because this! This battle is going to be special war involving Chaldea, Avenger, and the like. Now, that doesn't just mean everyone who hails from the class itself; but all Saberfaces we've seen in the series thus far; Artoria in all her incarnations, Mordred, Nero, Okita and so on. Setting should be obvious.

So cast your votes and hold onto your hats.

You're going to be

So in the Immortal Words of Atlas...

...Review, Would You Kindly?

And enjoy the up-and-coming previews!

They're rough atm, so don't think too much of them~!

(Previews)

"This is the only way. Now leave, you fake."

Avenger didn't rise to the bait. Not verbally, at least.

Rather, he walked up to the throne and kicked the King off. "IDIOT!"

Artoria sighed. "Leave us, Chaldea. I'll only say this once."

"How can be you be alright with this insanity?!

"BECAUSE MY FAMILY WILL LIVE!"

A blond brow rose.

"Your majesty, stop! This is madness!"

"No, madness would be to stand by and do nothing. I won't let this world die."

In a heartbeat, he found himself face to face with two divine weapons.

"EXCALIBUR!"

"RHONGOMYNIAD!"

R&R~!

=D