A/N I probably shouldn't upload this yet... Title taken from a song by Dido. Enjoy!
Chapter One
Mabel can't sleep.
She tosses and turns restlessly for what feels like hours but no matter how hard she tries she just can't seem to get comfortable. She can't seem to turn her mind off either which doesn't help much. She hears a noise and turns towards the sound, sitting up to listen. The noise is coming from the next room over, soft and faint. Twin sister instincts kick in and she has a strong feeling that her brother needs her.
Not like I'm sleeping anyway, she thinks, climbing out of bed to investigate. She accidentally knocks one of her beloved stuffed animals on the floor as she lifts the covers so Mabel picks up the soft pink stuffed rabbit that she had since she was six years old and hugs it, "I'm sorry Rufus!" she whispers to the toy but then she stops, looks at is and rolls her eyes. Come on Mabel, you're a teenager now. You need to grow up and stop acting like a baby.
With a frown she tosses Rufus the Rabbit across the room into the corner by her closet, resisting her urge to go get it and place it reverently on her bed again. She tries not to look around at her room and all the childish things within. Her toys and dolls and sparkly artwork on the pink walls with the stars and hearts trim she painted herself. She loved her room, but now despite being the exact same room she decorated herself with love and care, the very room that she missed dearly when she and Dipper first left for the summer, the sight of it fills her heart with a bizarre feeling of emptiness.
Quietly she goes into the bathroom that connects her room to Dipper's and knocks on the door that leads to his room. There's no answer so she lets herself in and sees him tossing and turning in his sleep, in the throes of a nightmare.
"Pssst, Dipper," she whispers, nudging him, "wake up bro-bro you're having a bad dream."
He doesn't reply, just mumbles incoherently in his sleep. She thinks she might have heard her name being spoken.
"Dipper," she says again, louder this time as she shakes him a little more forcefully than before.
He gasps awake, his eyes snapping open in blind panic only to rest on her and he reaches out and pulls her into a hug. She sits on the bed beside him and returns the hug rubbing circles in his back as he catches his breath, "Mabel…" he breathes in pure relief hugging her tightly as though he hadn't seen her in a long time. Then, he realizes where he is and what's happening and he pulls back, wiping his teary eyes awkwardly, "I mean, uh, hey Mabel, what are you doing here in my room?"
"You were having a nightmare," Mabel says.
"Um, yeah, sorry did I wake you?" he's trying to seem casual, but he's clearly shaken by his dream.
"No, just had to go to the bathroom and I heard you," she lies, "want to talk about it?"
He takes a deep breath and smiles running his fingers through his hair, "Nah, I'm OK now."
"You sure?" she asks with a skeptical frown. This isn't the first night since they got home that she's noticed him having nightmares.
"Yeah, just…Weirdmageddon. Sometimes I can't stop thinking about it," Dipper admits, "but it's over and I'm OK now."
"Yeah," Mabel sighs in understanding, "that was pretty crazy. Almost hard to believe the world almost ended and stuff. I mean, we totally saved the world, and yet no one outside Gravity Falls has a clue."
Dipper grins, "I know, weird right?"
His eyes go distant and Mabel pats him on the shoulder, "Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?"
"I'm sure," he says with a warm smile, "It was just a nightmare, I'm fine now. The fact you're here safe and sound is all I needed."
Mabel returns the smile, but she considers his words with a strange melancholy and inwardly shudders as she remembers just how close it was. She knew what he was talking about because if Stan hadn't intervened in time, Bill would've killed her. She has no doubt in her mind. The moment he started his Eenie Meenie Miney Moe of Death, they both knew which one he was going to choose. It was akin to having a gun pointed at her head and the thought terrifies her even now, safe at home with the knowledge the yellow triangle demon is gone for good. And seeing it from Dipper's point of view, it must have been just as frightening for him too, especially considering that wasn't the first time he nearly lost her during Weirdmageddon.
He had to spend days fending for himself all alone while she was trapped in that bubble. She couldn't imagine how hard those few days had to be for him, but he wouldn't talk about it and Mabel found it frustrating. Her brother was suffering and she didn't know what to do about it. Weirdmageddon might be over, Bill might be gone but the memories are still there and will probably haunt them both for a long time.
"That's right broseph, I'm here," she reassures him, "and I'm not going anywhere. We both survived that stupid apocalypse and we're both fine. Everyone is OK because of us."
"Yeah," Dipper agrees, looking her in the eyes.
"And no matter what, we have each other and you can always talk to me," Mabel adds with a firm nod, patting him on the back, "Mystery Twins for life am I right?" she quirks an eyebrow nudging him with her shoulder.
Dipper nods in agreement but says nothing as he seems to drift deep into thought. He stares off into space a moment lost in his thoughts until he shivers and blinks, shaking it off. He sees Mabel's concerned expression and he nudges her, softly replying with, "I'm OK. Go back to sleep. Don't want to be all tired at school tomorrow."
"Ugh. School," Mabel grouses, "Boo."
"Hey it's not all bad," he chuckles, "I mean, I'm sure you're glad to see your friends again."
Mabel glances away with a grimace. She was happy to see them, but she's not the only one who changed over the summer. Her friends had spent the summer without her, and instead of being happy to see her yesterday during the first day of school, they reminisced about their normal summer they spent together and it was like she wasn't even there. Well, except for the time they made fun of her sweater, calling it silly and childish.
It was Pioneer Day all over again, but their words hurt even more than Pacifica's did that day because unlike Pacifica, who at the time was nothing more than a bully, they were her friends, and not only that, but lately that's been a rather touchy subject for her. Just when she thinks she's ready to let go of her childishness, she feels compelled to hold onto it for dear life.
"Yeah, that's true," she shrugs, not really wanting to think about it. "But still, I miss Gravity Falls."
"Me too," Dipper agrees, "after everything that's happened, it's so weird being home where nothing weird happens."
"Yeah," she giggles softly, "kind of ironic, when normal is the new weird."
"I know, right?" he chuckles but he quickly goes silent, his chin quivering as he stares at her as though he's afraid she'd disappear any moment.
"Are you sure you're OK?" she asks. When he nods quickly and a little awkwardly she sighs, "I'm not going anywhere, got it? You saved me from the bubble and Grunkle Stan saved us from Bill. We're all OK."
"I know," he chokes out quietly, "but tell that to my dreams."
Mabel slides her arm around his shoulder and pulls him into a hug, "Hey, Dipper's dreams? Do you think you can stop it with the whole Weirdmageddon nightmares thing? Only good dreams are allowed from here on out, OK? Got it?"
Dipper chuckles and returns the hug, "Thanks sis."
"Anytime."
"You're kinda lucky you know? In a way."
Mabel pulls away cocking her head curiously, "What do you mean?"
"Well, you didn't have to go through the worst of Weirdmageddon," he shrugs, "and I'm glad for that. Compared to everyone else, you had it easy…"
"You mean when I was trapped in that bubble?" she bristles at that, a little offended and not knowing why because she knows that Dipper's right. For most of Weirdmageddon, she had it pretty good, even if she was a prisoner.
Dipper backpedals a bit, "Well what I mean is uh…what I'm trying to say is…I know you didn't have it easy being Bill's…"
"It's OK," Mabel softens, smiling gently, "you're right, I did have it easy. I can't imagine what it must've been like for you. When I think about it I just…it must've been so terrible. But I mean it you can talk to me whenever you need to. I'm right there in the next room, and I'm not going anywhere. And if you need me to stick around until you fall asleep…"
"It's OK," he grins, "I'm much better now thanks to you."
"I mean it bro-bro," Mabel insists, "Door's always open and stuff."
"Good night, Mabel," Dipper says softly, "you should get back to sleep. I'm honestly OK now."
"OK, night," she replies studying him a moment to make sure he really means it before heading back to her room.
She reaches her bed and regards her stuffed toys a moment, looks around at her room and the colourful art and decorations on the wall, all her silly girly stuff and frowns. Dipper's throwaway comment rings through her head as she climbs back into bed.
Compared to everyone else, you had it easy…
She tries to close her eyes and fall asleep, feeling completely exhausted but she can't stop thinking about what Dipper said. She can't stop thinking about what he went through, what the whole town went through while she got everything she desired.
"Lucky," she whispers.
Time ticks by and Mabel still can't keep her eyes closed, she can't get comfortable and finds herself tossing and turning. She can't stop thinking about everything that happened not so long ago. Compared to everyone else, you had it easy…
I had it easy, I didn't have to suffer like the others did, I didn't have to fend for myself all alone for days, I wasn't tortured by Bill, I didn't lose my memories… I got everything I wanted, so why do I feel like this? She wonders to herself, feeling like something is terribly wrong with her, like she lost something she can never get back, a profound but intangible loss she can't even begin to describe.
She rolls over onto her side and looks at Rufus the Rabbit lying in the corner of her room where she had thrown it. Her muscles twitch as she resists the sudden urge to retrieve him. She loves her stuffed animals, a few weeks ago she wouldn't dare toss any of them aside so carelessly.
As she stares at the discarded toy she releases a gasp when its beady black eyes flash yellow for a brief second. Heart pounding Mabel rolls onto her back and squeezes her eyes shut as her breath quickens and she pulls her pink and purple blanket up over her face. A trick of the light, it had to be. I'm freaking out over nothing. Probably a reflection from a car passing by or something…
Mabel rolls over so she won't have to see the toy only to see the rest of her precious stuffed animals all lined up next to her, arranged with such care.
She grumbles angrily to herself and one by one she grabs them and whips them at the corner to join Rufus the Rabbit. They thump against the wall before landing in a pile and she stares at it a moment, torn between going to pick them back up and leaving them there before she rolls over in a huff, sweeping her blanket over her head.
Her eyes welling with unexpected tears Mabel releases a sob, closing her eyes as she curls into a ball, feeling profoundly sad but she can't figure out why.
Unable to figure out where her tears are coming from she cries quietly to herself until at some point in the night she finally falls asleep.
A/N Thanks for reading! Please leave a review and let me know what you think! All criticism is welcome! Updates for "Just So You Know" and "The Clairvoyant's Curse" coming soon for those who are following those stories.