Oh dear God what am I doing. Someone save me from my own creativity so I may actually make progress on a story.
Anyway, here's the Kumagawa-centric crossover I've always wanted to write.
Loser 1.1
(Or: The Obligatory Lung Fight)
The docks are burning. I take in the flames and chaos as a man whose body is rippling with metallic scales fights against three massive lizard-like creatures. The lizards and spots of billowing darkness forming here and there suggest that the Undersiders are picking a fight with Lung. Or Lung is picking a fight with them, but Brockton Bay's local man-dragon has a tendency to not do much unless provoked - not entirely unlike a real dragon sleeping on his hoard. I don't really get why a guy with that much power wouldn't relish it, using it every chance he could.
But then, maybe that's just because I've never been given the chance to rest on my laurels. Or even the chance to have laurels to rest on. Oh well, I'll just add that to the list of things I'll understand when I finally win something!~
「Yo, Console. Looks like the Undersiders have decided to poke our local sleeping dragon. While I admire their courage, they're probably all going to die unless we give them some help. Permission to engage?」
Vista makes a bit of a choking noise at my question. What's her deal?
"Bu- wha- No! Do not engage! Are you insane, Underdog? Your brute powers are basically irrelevant in the face of Lung's pyrokinesis, and the only damage you two are packing is Stalker's tranq bolts!"
Eh? Isn't she underestimating me a bit? I can survive burning alive for at least a minute! I know my limits! Still, she is right about my level of force being totally irrelevant against Lung. Even more irrelevant than she thinks, since she seems to be operating under the rather silly assumption that Shadow Stalker would actually stay with me on patrol. I wonder, if I get injured here, could I guilt Sophia into wearing spandex next time we pat- OH WOW TATTLETALE WEARS SPANDEX THIS IS THE BEST NIGHT! Those thighs! That lush boso-
"...derdog! Underdog! Do you copy!? Dammit Misogi, if you've already jumped in again I swear-"
「Uh- er- yeah, I read you, Console. Hey, do you think Tattletale would give me a Pity Date if I save her life from a giant rage dragon?」
I hear even more sputtering over the radio.
"Wh-wh-what the hell kind of question is that!? I know you said you fell in love with another cape while we were doing truth or dare but- wait that's not the issue here! I just told you, Armsmaster is on his way, wait for backup!"
「Ah, no, the girl I fell in love with is someone else entirely. Tattletale just fills out her costume really well so-」
"Stop going off topic dammit! Promise me you won't get involved with the fight! Tell Stalker, too, she turned off her com again."
「...Don't worry, Vista. I can guarantee that Shadow Stalker will not jump into the fight.」
"...She went off on her own again, didn't she?"
「I think the line she used this time was "the very idea of spending any more time with you just made me throw up in my mouth. I'm going solo, go pick a fight with Hookwolf and die or something."」
"Goddamit."
I glance down at the fight from the warehouse I've climbed to the top of. Lung suplexes one of the giant lizard creatures, pinning Tattletale and the Renaissance Fair guy I forgot the name of underneath it. They're gonna die if I don't intervene, so…
「Hey Console, I'm going in! I'll try not to die before Armsmaster gets here, so tell him to hurry up!」
"Underdog, don't you fucking dare! Do you hear me, Misogi!? I swear, I will end you!" Vista yells in her adorable voice. Her threats are honestly cuter than most of the cat videos I've seen on the internet.
Under most circumstances, nothing I could do would damage Lung at all. Naturally, my dynamic entry to this fight took this into account. My body strength won't do anything to a ramped up Lung, but dropping my entire body weight onto his head feet first will. Especially when his neck has started to elongate from his Changer power, thus causing his head to be forward of his center of mass.
It's not every day one gets to knock Lung flat on his stomach, so I really can't help but gloat a bit.
「Hah! You expected Underdog to attack from below, but I came from above! You fell for my ruse!」
As I speak, I stomp on his head over and over. Maybe I can knock him unconscious before he has a chance to react. The trapped Undersiders manage to get up, and start running away at about the point that Lung explodes. Violently.
I'm thrown against an already shattered wall, and get a piece of exposed piping lodged in my stomach for my troubles. That's fine, though. My power lets me avoid it hitting any vital blood vessels, and my organs are made of sturdier stuff than that. Lung starts to go after the fleeing Undersiders, so I kick him in the back of his left knee with all my strength. His knee bends, and I follow my attack up with another blow to his right leg.
「Hey, now! I know I'm pretty pathetic, but don't just go forgetting about me!」I say, smiling in spite of the pain.
Lung topples again, and I tackle him, ignoring my impalement. He turns to look at me, which is really stupid of him. I jam my thumbs into his eyes, mashing them into a disgusting jelly. He grabs for my arms, but I can dodge his blind fumbling. He throws me off of him, and roars words barely identifiable as "Kill you!" before filling the alleyway with fire.
Luckily, I have enough warning to hold my breath before he does so. Interesting fact - burning alive takes a while to kill a person. It's inhaling the superheated gases that kills quickly. The gases scorch the inside of the victim's lungs and cause suffocation long before the actual burning would kill them.
Of course, since I'm holding my breath, I'll last a surprising amount of time on fire. I stand for a while, before executing my secret technique: playing dead. The flames die down, and I can make out the noise of him approaching my blackened body. My eyeballs have, of course, burst. However, his footsteps get progressively softer, so he seems to be ramping down. I wait patiently as I hear the noise of him hocking up saliva to spit on my body. At exactly that moment, I pull the pipe from where it's lodged in my abdomen and drive it into his skull with as much force as I can muster. I feel it bend a bit as it strikes him; the pipe is superheated. I just can't feel it because he already burned all my pain nerves out of my body. It's a miracle I can even hear right now.
I try to cough out a quick quip.
「Heh.. Gotcha...」
Yeah, not really my best.
Lung falls for the third time and I straddle his body, raising the pipe above his head. I bring it down, over and over, and he speaks again, grabbing my forearms. I feel them snap as he yells furiously.
"Why won't you just DIE!?"
The grin on what remains of my face stretches wider. Perfect. I know where his mouth is now. I drop the pipe with my hands, catch it with my elbows, and use them to guide the pipe into his open mouth. I put all my weight behind it and drive the red-hot metal down his throat, where it bends as necessary due to the heat. He screams, throwing me off and trying to pull the steel out of his jaw. The flames start again, melting the metal further and causing it to flow down his throat. I hear him fall, and the screaming eventually stops.
As I start to lose consciousness, I hear the noise of someone approaching, and a knife being drawn from its sheathe.
Ah.
Oni Lee.
I used all my strength fighting Lung. There's no way for me to beat him.
Once again, I couldn't win.
I pass out.
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
This story was originally published on spacebattles in 2017. I got distracted from it, though, and after 2.1 didn't touch it for a year.
It's less dead now, though, and we're chugging along just fine. As such I saw fit to crosspost it here.
Q&A CORNER!
Power Explanation
Misogi Kumagawa's power is to be good at losing.
His power, technically a thinker ability, lets him maneuver his body subconsciously in such a way as to avoid the most major damage of attacks. He can still die from blood loss, but that's difficult to do when most attacks miss his major blood vessels. This in addition to certain… oddities... in his biology allows him to pretty much meat shield harder than any brute who doesn't have explicit regeneration abilities. And harder than some regenerators too.
However, beyond that his power is pretty useless. He can target the normal human weaknesses of others, by virtue of knowing how to protect his own, but ultimately that doesn't amount to much. His own natural body strength is honestly pathetic.
Okay, but who the fuck is Misogi Kumagawa
Misogi is a character from the Anime/Manga Medaka Box. He was basically born with a role as the universe's chew toy. He angsted about it for a while, but he's over that now. He doesn't care about stuff like why he was born this way, doomed to never win in any satisfying way. He just wants to rise above it. He wants, just for once in his life, to succeed at something.
Kumagawa was introduced as a villain in the arc just after the anime ended. He wound up being a huge fan favorite. Despite acquiring the hilariously OP power to literally erase anything from existence, he still manages to lose, which kind of says something about the general power level in Medaka box. And also about his character, because he won't accept simply erasing his opponents as a real victory.
Where is All-Fiction? Why is Kumagawa so weak!?
...That's kinda the point. All-Fiction wasn't even Kumagawa's original power, so I'm not going to just give him that as his parahuman power right out the gate. Obviously from the title, it will play a role. But for now all he's going to have is a sort of prototype Book-Maker. Part of that was an attempt to avoid Misogi becoming just another OC with Kumagawa's name and power. There are a few too many of those floating around out there and that's such a shame. Most of the reason I love Kumagawa so much is his character. I love a stompfic as much as the next guy, but this isn't really meant to be one.
Where the hell is Taylor?
Hmm... I wonder?
:p