As I Fall

by Ferris Ulf

Jou,suffering from depression,strikes a friendship with Bakura that becomes a lot more.Will anyone accept this?What of Baku's past lover or Jou's old crush?Can Jou help Bakura out of his suicidal state or will he fall alongside the yami? J? B? JB BJ

64. Chapter 64: Miles to Go

Lyrics from "Both Sides Now" by Joni Mitchell (though I am IN LOVE with Josh Groban and Sara Bareilles's version) and "Give Me the Moon" by Jessica Radcliffe, Lisa Ekstrom, and Martin Simpson.

Rows and flows of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere—
I've looked at clouds that way.

But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way…

Chapter 64: Miles to Go…

(Jounouchi's POV)

"So Yug's really learning more Shadow Magic?" I ask, the cabbie too busy humming to the radio to notice. "An' you're okay with that?"

Yami sighs, leaning back on the seat.

"I don't like it. It's what he wants to do." We crawl to a stop at a traffic light. "After the Realm…He feels the need to have power. He and Marik both. To be able to protect everyone from the next…"

I suddenly find my shoes very interesting. Yami clears his throat.

"I wasn't trying to guilt-trip you there."

"You have more of a right than anybody. You got your soul ripped out." I gulp. "You died."

"That wasn't your doing, Jounouchi."

"But it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't started it."

"No. But I don't hold you accountable for my death. You had already freed yourself. You have to be willing to share the credit of all of that chaos with Mahaado and Shaddi."

"Hard to do when I'm here and they aren't."

"I suppose it must be."

The signal changes. The vehicle moves forward. I stare out the window, watching the rain. We wouldn't have taken a cab except it's not just rain. It's a frickin' downpour.

I was so nervous when Yami called out of the blue and wanted to get together, just me and him. A thousand different scenarios went through my head, each involving a speech or worse for what I did. We haven't talked about any of it in the few times we've been in the same room. There have always been other people. Other conversations.

"I thought you'd be madder at me."

I'm afraid to look at him as he reveals he is still angry. That he's pissed. Did I just open a can of worms saying that?

"Yet you agreed to come," he seems to marvel that. "You thought this was to lecture you?"

I shrug.

"Why not?"

"Well, for one thing, you're not stupid. You learned from that and I don't believe you'd try anything like it again. What's funny?" he asks when I smile.

"It's kinda ironic that the only other person who has reacted that way is Baku."

"Did he?" he asks, not sounding surprised.

"He gets me. I didn't have to promise—though I did anyway. He already knew." I wilt a bit and add: "Anzu…Yugi…It's taking longer to convince them."

"Trust is tricky like that. Everyone has to come to terms. There were different levels of trauma as well."

"Like Otogi?"

Yugi told me that Yami has been checking up on the dice master. He won't give us many details aside from physical condition, which sickened me when I heard how badly he's had it. Two days ago Otogi was discharged from the facility where he was for four weeks. God, it's been a almost a month since I stole the key and everything went to hell.

"I'm sure he'll give you a piece of his mind when he has the chance," Yami says dryly.

"Have you seen him since he got out?"

"No. I thought I would let him get back into his routines…though I'm not sure how smoothly that'll go."

"He not a good patient?"

"Most definitely not."

"He's got a right to be mad. But he did stuff too."

"Yes, he fessed up to me after he told you." Yami regards me, noting the way my fists are clenching on my lap as I recall that betrayal. "For what it's worth, I think you should know that whatever it is he heard or saw regarding your father, he hasn't said a word, Jou."

I look at him in wonder.

"What?"

Otogi said he wouldn't tell Kaiba. Wouldn't tell anyone. But I had no reason to believe he'd keep his word on that. Didn't think his word meant crap.

"He's stubborn, as you know." Yami sends me a sideways glance. "I will admit I asked him."

"You could have asked me."

"I know I should have. I worry about crossing a line, Jounouchi. Only I no longer know where that line is."

"I get it," I admit, deciding to go for it. "I have that with you, too."

"Oh?"

" 'Cause of Baku. You and him. That neither of you told me."

"Oh."

"When Baku showed Isis his memories, one of them was with you. You and him in some building. I asked later. He told me it was a temple. Some child god."

"Khonsu. I remember. We met there often. It was still being constructed."

"You guys were having fun. Teasing. I've never seen either of you like that, let alone together. I could tell—" My voice cracks and I try again: "I could see you really loved each other."

Yami doesn't speak. He seems to know what I need. He waits silently, letting me say what I need to.

I take a deep breath.

"You still love him."

He doesn't deny it. His brow is drawn as he considers what I said. I don't know how I feel about that. I'm glad he didn't just brush that aside because I can tell it's the truth. It doesn't help how long it's taking him to respond.

"I still feel something," he says at last, almost inaudible between the noise of the engine, radio, and rain. "It lingers. It probably always will. What we had, what we went through…But Jounouchi, I'm not…He's with you. You're both happy. Let's leave it there."

"But…"

"I had many opportunities to make things right with Bakura." He lifts his right arm now freed from a cast and massages the palm of his hand in solemn thought. "I didn't. That's not on you or him."

"I just don't want you to feel bad…"

"How your relationship with him makes me feel is irrelevant."

"Not to me. You're my friend."

The Game Shop comes into view as we round the corner.

"Thank you," he says quietly. "That means more than you know."

We slow in front of the shop. Yami shifts onto his right hipe so he can dig into his pocket for his wallet. The car squeaks to a stop. The cabbie turns and takes the fare from Yami. We open our own doors and exit into the pelting rain. In the few seconds getting from the car to the shop our shirts and hair are soaked. Yami tries the front door before his hand dives into his pocket again.

"What is it?" I ask and then see the sign and the darkened store. "Why'd Gramps close up early?"

"I can think of a reason," Yami sighs, keys jangling in his hand. "Most likely we have company."

Yami says something else, probably to reassure me, but I miss it. I spot the figure standing a doorway down from us. He's hunched on a pair of crutches, sopping wet. I take in our surroundings and notice the lack of a car and chauffeur.

"Finally!" Yami says impatiently as he finds the right key and turns it in the lock. The door swings open. "Let's get out of this rain. I'll handle—"

"Yami."

I touch his shoulder, gently prodding him to turn. He looks at me in confusion before he sees. Yami leaves the door open, all at once heedless of the rain. I follow apprehensively, sensing something is very wrong. Yami approaches without any misgivings. The miserably wet figure comes out of his daze and tries to back away. The crutches and broken leg hinder that. Yami takes hold of him by the arms.

"Otogi? Where did you…?" Yami, too, notices the lack of a limo or any other type of transportation. "What are you doing out here?"

Weary emerald eyes focus on Yami for the first time as he sways a bit in his grasp.

"…can't sleep," the dice master croaks.

Yami blinks, ignoring the water that's cascading down his face. He doesn't seem to find that reason odd. Or at least, he doesn't show it if it does.

"Come on. Let's get you inside."

The dice master seems to accept this suggestion and starts to shift his weight to move. Then he spots me and freezes in place, fingers tightening around the hand pads of the crutches. He doesn't go into a rant about what I did to him. Doesn't act terrified either. He just…It's like he's changed his mind about being here.

"Otogi, it's all right," Yami coaxes, tugging the dice master along.

I move ahead of them, deciding Yami might have more luck if I'm not with them. Just the way he's acting I can tell this isn't the time to ask for forgiveness for the Shadow Wolves. I catch the door as it swings in the wind. Reaching inside I find the lights and switch them on so they don't trip in the dark. Yami nods to me in thanks, helping the dice master over the threshold.

"Jou…"

"I'll lock up again," I finish before he can ask.

After turning the locks I watch over my shoulder as they slowly make their way across the small store. It's only once they've opened the second door that I shut off the lights again and follow them into the Mutou's house.

"Ah Yami…" Mr. Mutou's voice trails off as he sees the sopping dice master. "I thought you were with…Jounouchi, there you are! But what…?"

"Could you make some tea?" Yami asks, steering Otogi to the stairs. "Jounouchi, could you come with, please?"

"Are you sure?" I ask nervously before sensing I'm being watched.

Looking after Mr. Mutou who has gone to the kitchen, I'm met with Malik's stony gaze. A lump lodges in my throat, making me incapable of language. He's sitting on the recliner, a mug in his hands, not saying anything or outwardly reacting to our peculiar arrival.

"Jounouchi," Yami calls from partway up the stairs.

"Right! Coming!"

I don't know if Yami actually wants my help or if he's making sure I'm not left alone with Malik. Either way, I'm more than happy to oblige. After tossing my shoes aside I hurry up the stairs, wishing I'd kept them on as I step on the wet carpet where they passed.

The light is on in the bathroom. Otogi is sitting on the edge of the tub. His crutches have been set aside against the sink. Yami still has a hold of him and is talking softly to him.

"Have you been drinking?"

Otogi won't look him in the eye.

"Last night. She brought wine. I got sick fast."

"She?" Yami's face darkens. "Takara?"

I don't like this. I hate how vulnerable the black-haired teen looks. I've never seen him like this. As mad as I am at him for the crap he plotted with Kaiba against me, I didn't want this. What the hell my former agent has to do with anything, I don't think I wanna know. Or how Yami knew what Otogi was talking about. Yami's murderous expression says enough. I take a tentative step inside, feeling like an intruder in all of this.

"Yami?" I ask for some type of instruction.

"Jounouchi, there's a bathrobe in my closet. Could you bring it here, please?" Yami asks while never looking away from the dice master.

"Sure thing."

I get the hell out of there. The small bathroom is just three steps directly across the hall from his and Mr. Mutou's rooms. Flipping the light switch, I make my way over to the closet, trying to ignore the chest where he used to keep the Items. Where I stole the key. My fingers fumble as I open the door and see the robe hanging on a hook draped over the top. My eyes wander as I pretend to look for a second robe. Any reason to stall. I realize how stupid that is. Yami is waiting and is asking for my help. Steadying my nerves as best I can, I grab the robe and walk back to the room.

They're both shirtless, Otogi visibly shivering. He has a towel wrapped over his shoulders that is already dampening from the water dripping from his hair. I nearly swallow my tongue at the scar tissue from when I blasted him in the chest. Yami is kneeling next to tub examining Otogi's injured leg.

"They shortened the cast. Wasn't it above your knee before?"

"H-Healing faster than expected."

An expression passes between them when Yami raises his head. I stand stupidly, having no idea what to do.

"Is this thing waterproof?" Yami keeps pressing after a nod. "What about stitches?"

"Covered in glue or something."

"Um, Yami?" I ask. "I got the robe."

He starts, having forgotten I'm here.

"Thank you, Jounouchi. If you could hang it on the back of the door." He pauses in his requests while I comply. "Feel free to look through my clothes and find something to change into. Could you run downstairs and turn the thermostat up a few degrees? And see if the tea is ready yet."

"I'm on it."

His voice follows me as I go.

"All right. We'd better flush this thing to be on the safe side…"

When I get to the living room I go to the thermostat next to the door and bump it up enough that the AC quits running through the vents. When I turn to go to the kitchen to check on Mr. Mutou and the tea, I'm met with the 'company' Yami mentioned. It gives me pause. I haven't seen the blonde yami since the night we brought Baku over to help him. I wonder if Malik even remembers. He certainly isn't thrilled to see me now. As I cross the room he keeps fixated on me. I feel like a mouse being stalked by a cat. I stop just before I reach the kitchen. Should I say something?

"Just a few more minutes," Mr. Mutou announces when he spots me. "I'm making enough for all three of you."

Upstairs, the water turns on.

"Thanks Gramps."

"Why is the shower running?"

"They're doin' something with his cast," I say, joining him in the kitchen away from Malik's scrutiny. "I'm not quite sure what."

"It isn't falling apart is it?"

"Nah. Otogi said it's waterproof."

"Ah good. Yami's was as well, so he knows what he's doing. The daily rinsing out is a hassle but it makes it less likely to smell. Or fall apart when it gets wet. Otogi broke his leg, then?"

"Yeah. I don't know the details." I keep focused on Mr. Mutou as he moves about the kitchen because I can feel that intense gaze fixated on my back. "Uh, I turned the temp up a few degrees. Just until Otogi warms up."

"Warms up? It's summer." His features sober. "Just how long was that boy outside in this weather?"

"We don't really know what happened," I say, which isn't a complete lie. I don't know what happened.

"Where on earth are his parents in all of this? As if the drinking weren't enough…" He lifts the lid on the teapot and removes the basket infuser. "Is he hurt? Besides previous injuries, I mean."

"He didn't look it."

"Hmm. You seem upset, Jounouchi. Is it about Otogi or…?"

He nods towards the living room.

"Both? I'm responsible for what happened to them. For what they're going through now."

"To what degree that is true, I don't know." He takes my hand and pats it gently. "Just know you have Yami's and my support. And don't forget it."

I manage a wince of a smile.

"You really should change out of those clothes. No need for you to catch cold too."

"Yami said I could grab some of his stuff."

"The non-leather items are in the dresser," he offers and I grin gratefully. I don't particularly feel like trying to squeeze into skin-tight pants.

"Thanks."

Mr. Mutou loads up the teapot onto a tray with three cups. I come forward and pick it up, the china clattering lightly as I steady my hold. He follows me as I exit the kitchen with my delivery.

"Should I come help?" he asks.

Mr. Mutou hesitates, glancing at Malik. If the yami has an opinion, he doesn't offer it, taking a leisurely sip from his own cup. I can tell Mr. Mutou is concerned but also not wanting to leave his guest alone. And Gramps has never been all that comfortable around the dice master. Not that I have either, but Yami asked me. I try to take the load off Mr. Mutou. This was the man who was gonna have me live in his house to keep me safe. Best I can do is lessen the stress for him.

"We got this. I'll let you know if we need anything."

"Yes, all right," Mr. Mutou relents appreciatively, returning to his seat across from Malik. "Just holler."

I trudge reluctantly back up the stairs, taking my time. I keep telling myself it's so I make sure not to dump the tray by accident. That isn't a complete lie. Multiple people have said I'm clumsy and it's true.

When I reach the landing the bathroom door is now closed. I take a relieved breath and start up the last few steps as I come into range of their muffled voices again.

"…tell Kaiba? He could fire her," Yami is ranting ardently. "Keep her away."

"For what?"

"For messing with your progress."

"The 'progress' I don't want any part of? And have him throw me back in that hellhole?"

"Then let me deal with Takara," Yami proposes, a dangerous quality to his tone that makes me cringe.

"Last I saw her she fleeing while I was puking my guts up," the dice master says disparagingly. "She won't be coming back anytime soon."

"Why the hell did you even let her in?"

My feet still as they reach the carpeted hallway between the rooms.

"He won't let me work yet. Had my place cleaned out of drinks," the dice master complains before adding miserably: "She just showed up and…and I wasn't doing so well on my own."

"You should have called me."

"Why? Because you want to save me?" Otogi asks derisively.

"Because, unlike Takara, I give a damn about you."

I wait as the silence draws out but there is no reply. At least not one I hear. Deciding I've done enough snooping and that I need to be useful, I go forward.

I set the tray down on the bedside table and turn on the lamp next to it. There's a comforter at the foot of the bed, unused for this season. I unfold it and spread it across the bed. Given that Otogi came here alone, possibly even without his people knowing, I doubt Yami's gonna let him leave without first getting some shut eye. The dice master's supposed reason for being here in the first place still confuses me.

I find a pair of cotton pants in the dresser, just like Mr. Mutou said. Yami is lacking in regular tees, so I settle for what he probably uses as a grey sleepshirt. It takes an effort to peel off my wet clothes. They cling like a second skin. After I've changed, I hang them over the edge of the hamper, unwilling to get them to the bathroom for now.

Sitting on the bed, I fold my hands in my lap and wait. This is better than going into the bathroom or returning downstairs. I'm itching to get out of here. To run. But it isn't fair for Yami to have to deal with what I did to Otogi on top of what I did to Yami himself. I need to stay and see if I help somehow. I owe them both that.

Baku would say to hell with that. He wasn't thrilled with me going out with Yami today. But he isn't going to keep me from my friends, regardless of how much he may not like some of them. Surprisingly, things are progressing with him and Anzu. Sure their heka classes can get loud with the way they argue, but it isn't something that leads to threats or usage of magic on anybody. They're just both strongly opinionated and butt heads a lot. Mr. B was curious at first but became intimidated by all of it. He makes himself scarce for those times.

I sit up a bit straighter when I hear someone fumble with the doorknob to the bathroom. As I stand up, Yami enters the room. He's carrying Otogi bridal style. The dice master's is dozing in his arms, head lulling against Yami's shoulder. Otogi's wearing the navy blue robe. I blush in the realization that I could've walked in on Yami helping him change. It seems like a stupid thing to be embarrassed about. We're all guys after all.

"I…the tea's ready," I mumble, pulling the comforter and sheets back.

"Thanks, Jou," Yami says distractedly, easing himself and the dice master down onto the bed.

I'm surprised when he doesn't try to disentangle from Otogi. When I realize he's planning on holding the dice master on the bed, I grab Yami's elbow to help him keep steady as he maneuvers into a reclined seat.

"Thanks."

"What happened to him? Is he...has he been drinking? It's just that I heard you ask and…I know how bad it can be. "

"Just sleep-deprived, thank Ra," Yami leans them both forward so I can prop a pillow behind him. "Could you get the key? It's in a box in the closet."

I stiffen.

"That's not funny."

"It wasn't meant to be funny." Yami frowns at my defensiveness. "I want to put the key on him and make sure he doesn't get sick."

"You don't…You're okay with me knowing where it is? With me touching it?"

"Jou, we talked about this."

"And you're okay with it?"

"Well, you've now made it clear you aren't."

"I did this to him!" I cry pointing my finger at the pallid form in his arms.

"Not everything. His drinking problem doesn't have anything to do with you, Jou."

"What I did can't have helped though."

I look down at my hands now free of bandages. The worst of my wounds are healed. The nightmares still plague Ry and me; probably some of my other friends too. They haven't said.

"No. It didn't. But you can help him now." Yami holds out a small brass key to me. "Help me help him. Please."

I take it. Bowing my head, I reluctantly go over to the closet that I left open. A large wooden box with a lock on it is taking up the floorspace. I turn the key and the padlock snaps open. When I lift the lid there is only one Item inside. It had to be the Millennium key. I swore I'd never touch it or any other Item again.

"Jou."

"I got it."

I pick the key up with tremulous hands. It doesn't react to me. Doesn't burst into light or transport us to the Shadow Realm. It seems so harmless. I carry it as if it were a sleeping venomous creature, poised for it to strike at any given moment. Instead of taking it from me, Yami lifts Otogi's right arm. I wrap the cord several times around his wrist before lowering it back onto Yami's chest. My friend accepts the box's key. I take a wary step back as the Item begins to glow very faintly, almost imperceptivity so.

"You think he'll stay sober?"

Yami looks down jadedly at the sleeping dice master breathing against his collarbone.

"He doesn't want to. They've put him on a medication that makes him ill if he takes so much as a sip. At this rate, Kaiba's will is the motivator."

It was scary enough convincing Baku to detox. I can't imagine forcing Otogi to.

"Bet that's put Otogi in an even better mood."

"You have no idea," Yami sighs. "Don't tell the others about this, all right?"

"Yeah, he's got enough he wants to skin me alive for," I say, half-jokingly. Only half. "He was really that tired, huh?"

"He said he hasn't slept since…" Yami catches some slip of the tongue. "Since he went home."

"Does that have to do with what I did?"

"I don't know anymore." Yami rolls his shoulder so Otogi's neck is at a more comfortable angle. "Jou, there's one more thing I need you to do."

---

I've looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down and still somehow
It's clouds' illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all

(Yami's POV)

I sit with my back on a pillow propped against the headboard, listening to the steady rainfall. I like the sound. It's soothing. Normally it would help me relax. That's not possible right now.

It takes longer than it normally would for such a simple request. The only reason I even dared ask Jou is that Mr. Mutou is down there. I don't think the other yami would try anything in front of Mr. Mutou.

Malik appears in the doorway. His eyebrows rise at the position I'm in: shirtless with Otogi nestled against me dressed in nothing but my robe.

"Shall I come back later?" Malik asks with a sarcastic smirk.

"Very mature. Where's Jounouchi?"

"With Solomon." Malik leans against the doorframe, crossing his arms over his chest, not committing to come inside. "Keeping the fuck away from me. I didn't mutilate and disembowel him, if that's what you're implying. As tempting as it is."

"All I did was ask where he was," I point out even as my temper flexes at the very real threat in his tone. "This wasn't planned—having you both here at the same time. I didn't know you were visiting."

"Neither did I until I did."

"How profound."

"I didn't come up here for a heart to heart, Yami," the other Egyptian says testily.

I can barely feel it since anything I can pick up from him is transmitted through Yugi first. I can feel it though. He's on edge. And Yugi isn't here.

"Then it's good that's not why I asked. I need a favor. Heka, that is." I nod at the raven-haired teen. "He fell asleep before I could finish with his cast. It needs to be dried inside. The air can't be hot, which is the only thing I can create with the key."

"Well then what did you use on your cast?" he demands impatiently.

"A blow dryer."

"And that won't work in this situation because…?"

"Because I don't want to wake him with the noise. Malik!" I hiss as he turns to leave. "Would you please at least try?"

"Why? You have a solution that doesn't involve me."

"He hasn't slept in two days. Add that to the list of other shit he's dealing with..."

"Two days?" His eyes hold a spark of something dangerous when he takes a step into the room. "Two whole days? Well then, by all means. Who could imagine such unbearable suffering as two days of insomnia? It's a miracle he's still alive."

Malik is pushing all the right buttons. The attitude makes me pissed. His words stir the old guilt. The sharp gaze makes me tighten my hold protectively on Otogi.

"It's stupid in comparison. I know that," I say because it does no good to unleash my frustration on him. "But isn't the point that they not go through what we did? Malik, I'm asking because I can't do it. You know I can't. Hells, I doubt I could have in Egypt when I was still capable of heka."

"You did suck at it."

"Excuse me?"

"Not completely your fault, I suppose," Malik adds offhandedly as if I hadn't spoken. "Aknamkanon was way too invested in the Items' powers."

"Seini had an opinion on that."

"Let's not bring that bastard into this as well."

That struck a nerve. I wonder at it. There's so little I actually know of Malik's time in the palace. It's not strange he would have more knowledge about me. Everyone knew about me. But I don't know much about the young tomb keeper that was brought in to train to be a High Priest, an Item holder. It was unprecedented given how much the tomb keepers loathed Shadow Magic.

"If you help me with Otogi, I'll ask Jou to come up here and sit with me. Keep me company. You won't have to see him for the rest of your visit."

"I'm certain you'll do that regardless."

He's got me there.

"Right. Fine. I'm asking, Malik. You don't owe me anything, but I'm asking all the same. "

Malik looks Otogi up and down, considering.

"Why not? We're only halfway through our chess match," he caves, coming over and perching on the edge of the bed. "It'd be easier to throw the mutt out on his face in the rain. Something tells me Solomon would disapprove though."

"He would," I say, amused and intrigued as Malik leans over Otogi's cast to examine it. "So can you make the air cool? I only ever used flames with heka."

"I have before," he says in a way that tells me he's uncertain if that still holds true.

"What reason was there for you use something like that?" I ask to keep him engaged; plus it's rare to gain any insight from him.

"Bakura got really sick once. Bad fever. He was pretty out of it, luckily, so he didn't know what I was doing." Malik lines his hands up, one at the top of the cast just below Otogi's knee, the other in front of the dice master's toes. "Here goes nothing."

Otogi's limbs jolts in response. Malik pauses and glares at me.

"Keep a hold of the kid or I'm stopping. He kicks me in the face and I'll be breaking someone's bones. I'll let you decide yours or his."

"Sorry." I move my leg to tangle over Otogi's uninjured limb. "So Bakura really didn't know you practiced heka? Why?"

"Because I don't like magic. It leads to more danger. More enemies. More misery. He was already a demon as far as we knew," Malik's features tighten as he concentrates on the air current he's sending through the cast. "I've always envied people like this kid. Theirs is a completely different reality. Much less complicated."

"Until they get pulled into the Shadow Realm and attacked by giant wolves."

"I didn't say it was without perils," Malik shrugs indifferently to the dice master's trauma. All trauma looks like a papercut next to his experiences.

"Yet you're all right with what Marik and Yugi are doing?"

His frown deepens.

"Hikari and I view the world through different lenses. Now he has the chance to make decisions for himself. I'm going to have to accept part of this will involve choices I do not agree with." He offers a wry smirk at my surprise. "I am keeping tabs on both of them. There will be an intervention if they take things too far."

I have a feeling Malik and I hold very different definitions for "too far".

"I'll be there as well, Ra forbid it comes to that."

"It probably will. Multiple times. Oh come on, Yami, that shocks you? Yugi is ecstatic about learning Shadow Magic and Marik—Marik tends to let things get out of hand. It's who he is."

"Then why are you okay with them even trying?"

"Hoping they rub off on each other," Malik admits, angling his hands a little more as he continues. "Little pharaoh could definitely benefit from some magical training, while hikari could use someone with a moral compass and self-control to reel him in."

I take that in and digest it. This certainly isn't a side of Malik I've seen before. Rational. Willing to not fight for control of every little thing. After have no control of anything for several thousand years that has to be a major struggle to allow his hikari to make mistakes.

"So why'd he come to you?"

"What?"

"This one," he tilts his head to Otogi.

"What makes you think he sought me out?"

"Aside from the snuggling?"

"This is comfort," I tell him bluntly. "That's all. What does it matter to you?"

"Promised Solomon I'd gather intel," Malik says with a trace mixture of humor and fondness for Mr. Mutou. "He said it isn't like this brat to pout in the rain. That he's got money. A car. Possibly half a brain. From what little I've gleaned of this kid, little pharaoh hates him. Everyone hates him. Except you. Hence, he came here to see you."

Well it's hard to argue with that logic. I stare at Malik but he's concentrating on his task. Or at least he's pretending to. I don't really know how easy or difficult this is for him. Mahaado told me that Malik isn't at full power, will never be with the way his ka is diminished, his soul itself so ridden with scars.

"I've been using the key to visit Otogi every night for the past two weeks," I admit because it's something I haven't felt comfortable telling any of my friends for the exact reason Malik mentioned.

"I suppose you could do worse."

"Do wor—? Get your mind out of the gutter! It was to ensure his wellbeing. I made him wear an Item while I was there to help with his injuries."

This time Malik stops the spell. Tan fingers lower as he stares at Otogi. That old protectiveness rises in me. It's a reaction I have whenever Malik pays too much attention to someone. I'm working on it. Malik repositions his hands and starts up the heka again.

"So he wasn't all clingy before the Realm?"

"Physically, no. Stalkerish, yes."

The teen moans in his sleep and curls into the nape of my neck. Malik snorts. He isn't even trying to hide his amusement at this point. Bastard. I am suddenly very self-conscious of my position. Of everything. I don't even know why. I haven't done anything wrong.

"I didn't…I'm not trying to…"

"I never said you were. I was asking about his motivations, not yours."

"You're wrong. He's only ever been interested in women."

"Just like the mutt?"

Exactly like Jou. The loud proclamations about girls and women they find attractive. Over the top attention they paid to said females. Though there are plenty of straight guys who act that way anyway. Honda, for example, at least when he's competing for the attention.

My mouth goes dry as I go over it again. These last two weeks Otogi has slept next to me. The first few nights he would start off sitting beside me and slumping against me after he'd nodded off. Inevitably, the night terrors would start. That's where it really began. I'd hold tight to him so he wouldn't hurt himself. By the time I could wake him he'd be shaken and out of breath. Over half the time he didn't remember the dream but he would cling to me all the same. He didn't shy away or act scandalized cuddling with another guy like I would have assumed he would.

It's part of the reason I haven't seen him the last two nights. His release from the facility was a good excuse, but it's not really true. I'm confused about him. About everything involving the dice master. Hell, it's been like that since he started plotting against Jou with Kaiba; since he started seeking me out. All of this has only been complicated by how much I've missed his company the past two nights. Several times he barely slept, so consumed with the boredom of the days in that place. We'd talk until the early morning hours. I even found myself telling him some more lighthearted stories of Egypt. And yet I still know so little about him.

"That should do it." Malik gets to his feet, rubbing his palms on his pants as if to get rid of the heka's sensations. "I'll send the mutt back up."

"There's only been Bakura." My desperation and confusion grow as I let my mouth run; Malik's features harden at the mention of his friend. "That's all there's ever been. I was going to leave with Mahaado but I didn't. And Bakura's with Jou. Otogi—I don't—I don't know what I'm doing with here. With him."

Bakura's name somehow changes the state of affairs. Malik doesn't make a break for it. It clicks in my head what is going on. Why he came up here to see what I wanted. Why he bothered asking about Otogi

"Nevermind. Just go," I tell him wearily. "I'm not interested in having you throw me at Otogi to determine that I don't go near the thief again."

"Bakura's smitten with the mutt," Malik informs me what we both already know. "You're out of the running."

"Then why make comments like that about Otogi?"

Malik regards me imperturbably, unimpressed with my reasonable assumptions that I am still not dismissing.

"It was just a fucking observation. Don't get so riled up about it. There's a reason this is freaking you out so much. Think it through, and for fuck's sake leave me out of it."

---

But now it's just another show
You leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know
Don't give yourself away

(Marik's POV)

"Would you knock it off!"

"What? What am I doing?"

"You're cringing!" I snap. "My yami is going to notice if you keep this up."

"He's going to notice anyway," Yugi shoots back with a pained look. "He'll feel my emotions before we're even in the house. There's nothing I can do about that."

"Nothing that an unhealthy dose of suppression won't fix."

We glare at one another but already the argument has lost its fuel. It's not like he's exaggerating. Even without the link I swear Malik can read me like a book. With my yami's super-senses Yugi is just lucky they can't hear each other's thoughts or talk through a mind link.

Yugi traces his finger over the rim of the Millennium puzzle absently as he gets lost in thought. Glowering, I sink back on the seat beside him, not ready to be done blaming him just yet. The rain is pelting against the windows of the car.

"Does it always rain this much here?"

Yugi lifts his head to look at the bottom of the window he can just barely see over. Not that it's necessary with the amount of water battering the vehicle.

"We are just getting through the rainy season—a very dry rainy season. Just wait until the snow comes."

"Fantastic," I moan in dismay, slouching down so we're almost eye-level. "You aren't by any chance expecting to magically disconnect from my yami before then so we can get out of this hell hole?"

"We decided not to put a time constraint on it, Marik."

The other hikari is at once serious and apologetic. No that's not right. The hikari. Despite 'yami' and 'hikari' being the names Malik and I use to refer to each other, we aren't anymore. Even with his connection to Yugi, Malik isn't a yami.

"I'm sorry. This has to be so har—."

"Shut up."

My fingers tighten around the rod. It won't do any good with him wearing the puzzle.

"And what? Keep dancing around this? Marik, if you have something you need to say with me, say it! It's not fair that you and Malik got torn apart. That I'm the one helping keep him stable now."

I hate how he tries to understand. How he wants to add me to his project of things to 'fix'.

"Why would I be pissed about any of that? Did it ever occur to you that maybe I like having some privacy for the first time since I can remember?"

"Then why are you so mad at me?"

"What—you have a connection to me I don't know about?" I sneer at the midget. "You can read my mind? Feel my emotions?"

"No. You just don't bother hiding it."

I sit and seethe. There's an itching desire to bury one of the blades of the rod in his gut. I don't. I wouldn't. I've never done anything like that before. That's Malik's territory.

My fingertips skim over the thin, light scar that travels the width of my throat.

"I had fun today. But we don't have to do this again. I'll tell Malik to lay off. If he tries to make you give up the rod because of that…"

"He won't," I mumble, half to him, half to myself.

I don't know if it disappoints me that Malik isn't threatening or forcing me to relinquish my hold on the Item. My Item. He's given it up and we're no longer connected, so it really is just mine now.

"Oh." Yugi sounds relieved and dumbfounded. "That's good. He really has calmed down a lot, hasn't he?"

"I guess."

I turn slightly so I can watch the drenched world fly by.

"Did something happen?"

I have to snicker at that. Did something happen? Yugi's watching me worriedly. I can tell without looking at him. I can feel his giant eyes fixed on me.

"Okay that was stupid. A lot's happened. I get that. But if there's anything I can…"

"I don't know him anymore," I reveal to get the kid to shut up. It works. I sigh in frustration. "He's different."

"He's free from Shadows," Yugi says tentatively, trying to figure out what's wrong.

"That's what's so fucked up!" I smile grimly at how ironic and unfunny this is. "Malik's finally not being tortured after all this time and I'm bothered by how much he's changed. He gave up the Millennium rod. He's not interested in sex. All he wants to do is nap and play boring games with your grandfather. I just…what if this is him and I never knew it? Never knew him?"

That stuns us both into silence. It's a thought I haven't dared say aloud because I wanted to ignore it and have it go away. It's not going away.

"He was best friends with Bakura in the past," Yugi points out unhelpfully. "I seriously doubt Malik was always this mellow. He's just…He's exhausted from thousands of years of torment, Marik. This is going to…"

" 'Take time'?" I say in my best imitation of my sister. "Yeah. I got that memo already."

"Do you want me to talk to him?" he asks, sounding as if that is the last thing he wants to do.

"Fuck no."

"Oh good," he exhales in relief and I smirk. "That wouldn't go well."

"You think?"

We slow to a stop in front of the Game Shop. Yugi unbuckles his seatbelt, having given up on convincing me to wear mine. He reaches for the door and pauses, glancing at the driver who is staring straight ahead, hands on the steering wheel.

"Is he going to be lost when you release him?"

"Nah. I'll instruct him to snap out of it when he gets back onto whatever route he was going. People zone out while driving all the time."

"Won't he notice that fifteen minutes have gone by?"

"You'd be surprised how much people write off because magic isn't even an option that enters their minds…partly because I make sure it won't be," I add while nimbly twirling the rod between my fingers. "I'll tell him there was a traffic jam."

"Okay." He slips a folded bill of money onto the front passenger seat when he thinks I'm not looking. Geez. I've got a ways to go with this one. "But if anyone asks, we took a cab."

"Whatever," I agree. "All right. Once more."

"You're not going to help?" he asks nervously looking at the six or seven steps between the curb and the front door.

"Nope. So it's all on you. Don't fuck up. I don't feel like getting wet."

I don't mention what we both know: I'm not going to get wet. He will if he screws up.

Yugi's features tighten as he focuses. The Millennium puzzle glows. The yellow shield forms falteringly above the sidewalk like a canopy. Slowly, the rain lessens beneath that patch of light until it's as if an umbrella has been erected across the space. Yugi cautiously slips out of the car while watching the spell apprehensively. I perch just inside while his attention divides as he gets his keys out to unlock the door. The light above him wavers and he cringes.

"It's holding. Do what you need to do. Just don't forget it's there."

"What if it falls?" he calls over his shoulder while fitting the key into the lock.

"Then you get wet."

He doesn't even ask if I'll throw a shield over him last moment. He's already learned I don't coddle.

"There!" he announces in triumph.

I step down and send the driver on his way. I cross the sidewalk and into the dark shop before Yugi can get inside and drop the spell so I'll get wet. I wouldn't put it past him. It's what I would do in his shoes.

"How'd I do?" he asks bubbly as he locks up behind us.

"Wasn't bad," I admit, all things considered. "Next is to do it without drawing all of your attention—and therefore, everyone else's—to the fact you're doing magic."

We make our way through the closed shop and into the house. Yugi's grandpa is clearing dirty plates from the coffee table.

"There you two are. Did you have dinner?"

"We ate out," Yugi tells him. "Sorry. We sort of lost track of the time."

"It's all right. I'm just glad you called to let me know." The man's face falls a bit as he stacks two cups on top of two dishes. "I worry about all of you a lot more than I used to."

"That's why Marik's teaching me. So you won't have to worry."

"Hm," the old man murmurs to himself in that same unconvinced way as my siblings.

"Is Yami home?" Yugi asks expectantly.

"In his room. Ah, and your yami is here, too, Marik."

"Where?" I ask, peering around him into the empty kitchen.

"Getting some shut eye. He spent the afternoon here."

I turn on my heel and make for the stairs before Yugi volunteers us to do the chores like last time. When I round the bend leading up to the second floor I sidestep and flatten myself against the wall as the stupid mutt yelps in surprise. He nearly topples down the stairs with his own little tower of dishes in his hands.

"Geez! Marik, you surprised me!"

"Yeah. I got that," I mutter, watching the breakable tower wobble this way and that. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"Oh. Er…Had dinner with Yami in his room. He thought it was best I stay clear of Malik."

For once I can't think of anything negative to say. I'm too relieved Malik hasn't been having to deal with this loudmouth for the past few hours. Just the company of the old man, which I still don't get.

"Whatever."

I brush past him and hear him swear behind me as he tries to keep his balance. Smirking to myself I make my way up the second flight of stairs. Rapping my knuckles lightly on the door, I enter without waiting for a response. I don't usually get one the way he sleeps. Sure enough, Malik is passed out on Yugi's bed on top of the sheets. He's curled onto his side, one elbow tucked under the pillow. Lucky for him, despite so much of the crap in this house being tailored to midgets, the bed is a regular twin bed. I've found him here many times when he gets worn out or needs somewhere quiet to crash.

I ease myself down on the mattress in front of him, trying not to make any noise. Edging backward, I press against him until our bodies are spooning. A muscled arm wraps around my waist, somehow managing to pull me closer.

"I thought you were asleep."

"Nodded off. We only just finished eating," he says just above my ear. "So how much chaos did you two cause today?"

"Minimal?" I venture with an impish smile.

His chest vibrates against my back as he chuckles. I wrap my arm over his, entwining our fingers. I remember the Millennium rod and carefully place it on the edge of the bed so no arms are accidentally slashed.

"Malik?"

"Hn?" he grunts, sounding as if he was on the cusp of sleep.

"Why do you keep coming here? Hanging out with that old guy?"

"You recall I am older than him, hikari," he points out tiredly.

"Well you don't look it," I sniff in disdain. "Thank Ra for that."

"Marik…"

"Really though? Why?"

"Aside from spending my time in the glorious presence of your siblings?"

"You could have come with Yugi and me."

"And get in the way of your fun?"

I grin and nuzzle the back of my head against his shoulder.

"I do like wreaking a little bit of havoc. Minimal havoc, of course," I add quickly, not wanting to dig myself and Yugi into a hole.

"Of course."

He doesn't even try to pry for details and that's disappointing. Then again, he was like that before. I'd have to annoy him to the point he was demanding specifics so I'd let him alone. There were times I went further than he'd have preferred but I just didn't mention them. And he didn't ask. So why do I want him to pester me now? Maybe for some proof that he cares since I can't feel it through our link anymore.

"So why?"

Malik sighs wearily, realizing he isn't going to get any rest until he's truthfully answered me.

"We don't talk much. He works on his store. We have tea. We play chess. I sleep. I don't have to explain myself or try to work through deep conversations. Solomon knows this is my retreat."

"So I'm not your safe haven anymore?"

"You are. You always will be. It's just not all on you anymore."

"Whatever. It's still weird."

"Is there anything about our situation that isn't?"

My reply is overridden by hysterical bloodcurdling screaming from a floor below us. It isn't a single scream, but a series, growing all the more frantic as they go on. I grab the rod and start to get up. Malik's arm tightens around my waist, tugging me back down beside him. Feet pound on the stairs from two stories down as Yugi and Katsuya rush to the rescue.

"Leave it, hikari. They can handle this one."

"But who…?" I pause as the noise abruptly stops. "There was someone else with Yami and Katsuya?"

"Hn. The dice brat showed up. Marik," he warns when I try to get up again.

"I wanna see this! If he's gonna kick Katsuya's ass…"

"The kid's too much of a wreak. There won't be anything worth watching. Just emotional drama as they try to fix everything."

"Yeesh," I groan, collapsing back beside him and letting my muscles relax. "Their friendship crap can really get on my nerves. It's so touchy feely."

"We have lucked out that your family is emotionally constipated."

"Thank Ra for that," I agree and we both bask in the bliss of not being included in the friendship spectacle unfolding below us.

(Yugi's POV)

"…but then the seagulls hit the shield and fell into the surf..."

I trail off as Grandpa comes into the kitchen to get a napkin. I stand perfectly still, poised with my hands in the sudsy water. Jou grabs another plate from the strainer and rubs it with a dish towel. It's only now, with this moment of silence, that I realize I've been going on and on and Jou hasn't really said much of anything.

Grandpa wanders out of the room.

"I'm sorry. I've been rambling."

"You're excited, Yug. Nothing wrong with that."

"It's making you uncomfortable—my talking about Shadow Magic."

"Huh?" He shakes his head a bit. "Oh. No. I guess I've just been kinda distracted."

"With what? Is everything okay with Bakura? He and Anzu aren't fighting too much are they?"

"They are, but it's okay. We got a set of rules: He doesn't banish her to the Shadow Realm and she doesn't grab his ears. So." He opens the cupboard and places the plate on the stack.

"So what is it?" I ask, wondering if he's heard from Shizuka. Or not heard from Shizuka. Anzu kept changing her mind whether we should contact her. The decision was finally made to leave Jou's little sister out of things for now.

"I just…I wasn't ready to see him like that. You didn't tell me things were this bad."

"Malik? He's really doing a lot better, Jou." Even so, that doesn't mean the two of them interacting would be a good thing. "Why? Did he say something?"

"Not Malik. Otogi."

My interest perks at hearing that name. Yami gave a glossed over recapping of his several visits with the dice master. Otogi's been home for a few days. Did he seek Jounouchi out to give him a piece of his mind? I'm half-ready to go on the offensive on behalf of my friend, but the old bloodlust I used to have for Otogi just doesn't come. Not after what we went through together.

"When did you see Otogi?"

Jou stares at me in confusion.

"You do know he's here?"

"As in now?" I lift my soapy hands out of the water.

"Yeah. In Yami's room."

"What's he doing here?"

"That's the weird thing. Sleeping."

"Sleeping? What—are we now the house all traumatized people come to for a nap?" I ask while wiping my hands on a towel hanging from the cupboard handle.

"Where are you goin'?" Jou asks, suddenly nervous.

"To see him. To have Yami tell me what the heck is going on," I state while marching out of the kitchen with Jounouchi trailing me.

"I'm not sure now's the best time, Yug."

"Have you finished the dishes?" Grandpa asks from where he's reading the newspaper on the couch.

"I'll be right back down to finish them. Just have to have a word with Yami."

"Yami isn't going anywhere. The dishwater will get cold."

I still and sulk in frustration, knowing he isn't going to let up on this. Then again, maybe he could tell me.

"Grandpa, do you know why Otogi…?"

The scream throws me back. I'm in the Shadow Realm, leaping and grabbing Otogi's hand as he is dragged off by a giant wolf. Our eyes meet and there's terror. But there's also a bleak acceptance creeping into his eyes as he urges me to let go. I jolt back to now at the next scream. Jounouchi is running for the stairs. I'm moving without thinking, following my friend.

"Boys!" Grandpa yells after us.

"Malik and Marik?" Jou gasps as we round the bend and the screaming continues, now punctuated by Yami shouting.

"No."

I know that much. That's all I know.

((Yami!))

I tap into the puzzle as we barge through the door. Jou and I skid to a halt and freeze.

My darker half is holding Otogi up by the shoulders. His grip is hard. Their foreheads are pressed together as Yami repeats some mantra under his breath in a calm, reassuring tone. The dice master is sweating, panting frantically as he regains his composure. His fingers are digging into Yami's bare arms. Otogi's in Yami's bathrobe and Yami is missing his shirt. I absorb all of this in the half-second before the door slams into the wall. Yami and Otogi jump. My dark half sits up straight but keeps supporting the dice master.

"Yugi. Jou." If he's fazed by any of this he doesn't let on. "It's all right. Everything is…"

Otogi's eyes lock with mine and I don't hear whatever the explanation is. The terror he's just coming down from is ramped up again, this time replaced by abject mortification. Aside from their interesting attire, there was the screaming, and the position of being upset and comforted like that when we burst in. He struggles to pull free from my darker halt. Yami gives in and lets go of him while he and Jounouchi speak. It's then that Otogi tries to get off the bed but his broken leg hinders that. He winds up sitting on the edge of the bed, bowing forward and burying his face in his hands with a muffled groan.

"Yugi."

I blink and force myself to look away from him. My darker half is standing beside Otogi with an expression of determination and regret. I half want to offer to help somehow and half want to yell at Yami for not telling me how bad things have obviously been. With a start I feel Jounouchi gently tugging on my arm, attempting to lead me away. I open my mouth and try to think of something to say.

"Yug, come on," Jou beckons softly.

Yami places a hand on Otogi's shoulder while never looking away from me. The dice master shrinks from the touch as if it were painful. He's curling into himself, trying to will his body to disappear.

(Aibou, please. I need to talk him down. We'll discuss this later. Please.)

I bite my lip and let Jounouchi lead me out of the room. I shut the door with trembling hands and lean my back against the wall. Jounouchi lingers beside me in the hallway. It's worryingly still on the other side of the door.

"Shit. You didn't know either, did you?"

All I can manage is to shake my head.

(Otogi's POV)

Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck.

"Otogi, breathe. You're going to pass out if you don't breathe."

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!

He grabs my shoulder and I thrash out of his hold.

"Don't!" I try to snap but it comes out all high-pitched. "Just fucking don't!"

He exhales and sinks down on the bed next to me. I try to move away and put some distance between us. Yami isn't having it. He won't go away. He won't give me some fucking space.

"Otogi, you need to calm down."

"How the fuck can you say that? I'm in a fucking bathrobe with you half-naked on your bed having a fucking nightmare and screaming my fucking lungs out! To top that off, I'm fucking sober! Did you see their faces? How the fuck am I supposed to live any of this down?" I ask with a hysterical smile that hurts my face. "How is any of this all right?"

His hands are on my shoulders again. I don't even try to fight. What does it matter anymore? They already saw plenty of shit that they can spin some good rumors.

"No one is going to hold this over your head," he says firmly in that self-assured way I usually can carry. "That's not either of them. You guys may have your beefs with each other but they won't sink to that level. I know. So just shut up and breathe, will you? You're scaring me."

The weird smile widens into a grin and a small, frantic laugh escapes me.

"Otogi, I mean it. You're scaring me."

"Me too."

I press my hand over my eyes and rock back and forth, trying to calm this feeling. These fucking feelings. My pulse is pounding way too loudly. His hand rests on the back of my neck like it has more times than I've bothered to keep track of. I swallow as his fingers knead into the muscles, searching to expel the tension. I let him. Because it works.

"Breathe."

It always works eventually.

"I really need a drink."

"And start having a vomiting fit? That doesn't sound soothing to me."

"M-Maybe the meds will have worn off a bit by now," I mumble even though it's bullshit. "If I could just have a sip…"

"Not happening."

"Even a little cough syrup…?"

"No." His fingers pinch my nerves before he continues his ministrations. "This isn't a game, Otogi."

"No shit. Does it look like I'm having fun?'

Yami doesn't answer. Doesn't bother with some clever rejoinder. He can tell I'm beat. I stare at the dark sky visible through the blinds. It's still raining. Doesn't give much of a hint as to the time. I guess it doesn't really matter. When you get your dignity snatched away in an instant the time becomes pretty fucking irrelevant.

"Are they coming back?" I ask, fingers twitching, itching for a familiar bottle or shot glass.

"They'll probably wait a while. Give you a chance to…" He drops that thought at the weak glare I shoot him. "I told Yugi to hold off. He's the one most likely to try to check in on us again."

The way Yugi looked at me just then. Somehow this was worse than the Shadow Realm. That thought must be painted all over my face because Yami caves.

"How about I take you home?"

It's tempting. Get away from all of them. Pretend for a little while that none of this happened.

Dread pools in the pit of my stomach as I remember the nightmare that caused that whole screaming fit to begin with. My hands clench together as I fight to keep the trembling to a minimal so he won't notice.

"I'll spend the night," he adds, because he never doesn't notice. "If you'd like."

I don't like. But it's pointless. I sigh and nod, surrendering the remaining fragments of my pride. It's just him. Somehow he doesn't count.

---

Turn back the night and keep me from fright

And hold me until sleepy wings can unfold.

What's gone is gone and can't be done over,

What's past is past and won't come again.

But still there's the love that is shared by true lovers,

And still there's the comfort that's felt among friends.

(Yami's POV)

Otogi gasps as the spell ends. I keep ahold of his arm to ensure he doesn't lose his equilibrium. Also so I don't lose mine. The dufflebag with my toothbrush and change of clothes throws me off balance. My head spins as our atoms settle back into place. The Item on my chest goes dormant as I stop tapping into it.

We're at a door in a modern but otherwise unremarkable building. From what I deduced as I transported us is that we are on the fourth floor. I've just recently gotten the hang of moving through space without having to actually walk.

"That was hellish."

"You said you didn't want security to see us. They haven't."

He ignores that and punches in a code on the keypad next to the door. I notice, for the first time, there is no actual slot for a physical key. It doesn't surprise me. He doesn't strike me as one who would bother keeping track of such a thing when he could just memorize a series of numbers.

"Why the hell did you sell the high-rise?" he complains.

"Jounouchi didn't want it."

"You could have had a place to get away."

"The high-rise was ridiculous. Besides, I had no use for it. I have my own room at home."

The dice master makes a noise of disapproval in his throat that tells me just how lacking he finds that answer. I follow him inside. Until the past few days I hadn't even wondered what his home looked like. I don't know what I was expecting.

The floors are black stone. It's an open floor plan, the kitchen directly to our left all white counters and cupboards with a giant island of black granite or marble. Beyond that is a living room with an enormous black leather couch that wraps around the area in front of a giant television mounted on the wall. The blinds are drawn over the large arched window to the left of the tv. Or perhaps that's a door to a balcony. I did notice some from the outside. Really though, it's shockingly unimpressive. It's fine. A bit classy but not over the top. It's not a ridiculous amount of space. I was genuinely expecting something like the high-rise I got for Jounouchi and Bakura.

I catch him watching me, waiting for me to say something.

"It's nice."

Emerald eyes roll but he merely hobbles towards a door on the far side of the space. I follow after him, looking about for something…more? The black and white doesn't surprise me—dice and all—but it just seems so sterile. Unlived in. Like a hotel. A rented or staged space. I can't even place my finger on what makes it feel this way.

"How long have you lived here?" I ask, trying to sound casual.

"Since moving to Domino."

Well that does me no good. I have no clue how long that's been. I know when he transferred to our school. When he had his game shop—that no longer exists—built.

The bedroom is no different from the rest of the place. There's an oversized dresser. What looks to be a queen bed. A large mirror that must also be a closet door. The en suite bathroom is directly to the right. It's all very tidy.

"Do you really live here?" I have to ask.

That earns me a blank look.

"What?"

"This could be a museum. There's nothing out of place."

"I have a maid. I'm her only employer. Got the unit below us for her."

"You bought your maid a home?" I echo in disbelief.

"She's always near if needed. Comes at intervals throughout the day," he shrugs it off as if it's nothing but for convenience. "She cooks and everything."

"Sounds efficient," I say as he sits on the bed wearily, leaning the crutches against the mattress. "Where…Is there anyone else?"

He gets a thoughtful expression on his face as he looks at the dark red area rug.

"Think she has a daughter that visits sometimes."

"Not your maid. Here. With you. Family?"

"Nope."

The word is abrupt. It informs me that further questions will not be tolerated. That's frustrating. I suddenly realize what's wrong with this place aside from there being nothing of Otogi in it: There are no pictures. Nothing personal.

"You said they're making you take the medication. How are they managing that if you're here alone?"

"They come every morning at eight. Do a quick physical. They wanted to give me a nurse. I told them when hell freezes over."

While having someone around to help out would be beneficial to him, I can't fault him for not wanting any of those horrid Kaiba Corp. nurses here. Still, that makes this all the more complicated. How are we supposed to handle this? There isn't anyone here for him to lean on and talk to; to stop him from doing stupid things like inviting Takara in.

I sigh and drop my bag on the floor before sinking down beside him. We're both dressed in my clothes. Thankfully, we are of similar statures and builds. Though it helped I had loose sleep pants that he could get the cast through. He picks absentmindedly at a stray hair from the sleeveless black shirt that fits him like a glove.

"I want to help but you have to let me," I say and he shifts uncomfortably.

"I let you come, didn't I?" he asks defensively.

'Let' is perhaps a strong word. I couldn't even take him out the front door of my house. I had to let the others know where I was going so they wouldn't be worried at our sudden disappearance. It's telling how mortified he is that he opted for me taking him through a tunnel of Shadow Magic rather than walk past Yugi, Jou and Mr. Mutou on our way out.

"And does than change anything? You still would go back to drinking. You won't talk to a therapist…"

"They would think I'm crazy," he argues, though I get the sense that isn't the issue.

"There has to be something besides giant wolves that you can discuss," I say, glancing around our spotlessly clean surroundings.

His face darkens. Fingers curl around the edge of the mattress.

"Given the amount of ancient baggage you tote around, you don't get to come in and judge me."

"I'm not. I couldn't if I wanted to. I don't know anything about your life. I'm saying I can't help you." I watch sadly as the indignation is replaced by apprehension. "Whatever it is that's going on with you, you can't do it alone. Not anymore. You have to let someone in, Otogi. It doesn't have to be me."

But it does, I realize. Who else is there? Kaiba? Takara? All of this is under protest. And there is no one close to him to lean on. The doctor's computer screen flashes in my mind:

Next of kin: NA.

Emergency contact: Kaiba Corp.

Shaking my head, I flex my arms to push off the bed. A hand catches my bicep, holding fast. When I turn to look questioningly he dives forward. I gasp into his mouth as his fingers dig into my cheekbones. The kiss is searing. Frantic. Desperate.

I push him away, holding him back by the shoulders.

"What the hells was that?"

The dice master swallows, seeming unsure of himself. This was obviously not the reaction he was expecting.

"…a reason to stay?"

I can only shake my head, keeping the teen at arm's length as I study him. My mind is whirring like mad. Malik's little suggestion from a few hours ago is not helping. Damn that bastard. I'm going to kick his ass later.

"You don't…you're not…Otogi, I'm staying tonight. I said I would. You don't have to…Why would you do that?!"

A stricken look shoots across his features as if I'd slapped him. It's still just the two of us. But it's different. Whatever motives were driving that kiss, he can't undo it. He lowers his shoulders to free himself from my grasp. I won't let him. There's no way.

"Tell me what the hell was going through your brain when you did that!" I demand shaking him.

"I thought…Isn't that why you're here?" he exclaims with a kind of nervy exasperation. "Why you've been…?"

"You think all of this was for sex? For Ra's sake, do you have any healthy relationships in your life?"

The abject silence screams its deafening answer. The color drains from his face. For all his suaveness and bravado out in public, he really doesn't have a clue. My panic dissipates as the situation becomes evident and he can't seem to gather himself. He hasn't tried anything like that until now-when he thought I was leaving. Still, that's quite a leap to convince me to remain.

"Was there something I did, something I said that gave that impression?"

"You're gay. I'm hot. Isn't that enough?" He drops the snide avoiding attitude when I give him a warning look. "You cuddle in bed at sleepovers with all your friends? 'Cause if you do this with Katsuya, Hiroto, and Mazaki, I've got some new opinions of you."

"Of course I don't!" I snap at him and then exhale and unclench my fingers from him. "I see your point."

He sits back, rubbing at the marks I've left on his upper arms. Otogi isn't acting victorious that I've conceded. I don't feel I've won anything either. I don't like this. Any of it. And I don't think it's one of his tricks. Damn it, if only it was. I can handle his underhanded tactics so much better than this.

"Last I recall you were after Shizuka."

"Yeah, well, she's a bit immature for my tastes."

"And what exactly is your…preference?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

This is getting more and more complicated. What the hells is he talking about?

"When you kissed me—How far were you planning on taking that?" I ask quietly.

"Getting ideas, are we?"

"Otogi, I'm serious. What if it had gone beyond a kiss?"

"You wanted it to?"

"That's beside the point. We're talking about what you want. And I'm getting really unnerved at what you would have let me do if it meant I would stay. What if it hadn't been me?"

Our eyes lock as it registers in my mind. I already know the answer. I remember the off get-well-ish cards in his room. The dice master has recovered from my rejection, appearing relaxed and indifferent.

"Takara isn't the only one, is she?"

He smirks at me, green eyes sharp.

"You going to take names? Go on some rampage to, what?—redeem my honor? I'm not some damsel in distress. It's sex, not romance, Yami. There's a difference." He grabs the crutches and pulls himself up. "It hasn't been you a lot of times. Congrats though. You're the first to get anything while I'm sober."

"That isn't funny," I admonish him softly, pained.

He leaves me sitting on the bed with the most questions and concerns and confusion raging through me since I was a nameless spirit with magic-induced amnesia. I catch myself tracing my finger over my lower lip in reminiscence. It was a damn good kiss.

"Malik, I'm going to murder you," I growl under my breath.

I push off the bed and follow after Otogi to see where he's gone. The dice master is in the kitchen. He's completely still, an old fashioned glass in hand as he stares blankly up into a large cupboard. As I come around the island to stand beside him I see the shelves are bare.

"Was going to get a drink," he mumbles. "I forgot."

Even then he doesn't move. I reach forward and take the glass from him, setting it aside on the countertop. It's only when I close the white cupboard doors that he comes out of his stupor, pressing a hand to his forehead as if this were causing him physical pain.

"I think I'm losing it, Yami."

"That's one way of dealing with the amount of things you have on your plate."

"I'm stuck in limbo. I'm fucking sober. I kissed you." His fingers quiver as they pass over his mouth. "I'm freaking out."

I chuckle and lean back against the counter as we stand staring at the glass all alone on white marble countertop. Somehow his dismay is making me calmer. Maybe this isn't as complicated as I feared. Just two people desperate not to be alone. We seem to balance each other more often than not; while one has a crisis, the other takes charge.

"What's funny?" he asks, daring me to mock him for any of this.

"I was afraid I was the only one."

"What?"

"Freaking out. Not just about you—this. But about everything. I had a chance…I don't know what this is. Where we go from here. And we're not going to figure it all out tonight."

He mulls over that. Being Otogi, he catches my slipup.

"You had a chance to what?" he asks, and I realize with the way I worded that makes it sound like I tried something with him. Given that he is asleep more often than not when we're together, I hurry to correct that misinterpretation.

"You remember what we talked about at the aquarium?" Damn it, I wasn't going to bring this up with him. "About how mixed up I am? How I can't seem to fit?"

His eyes narrow but he doesn't say anything. I take that as my cue to keep going.

"I didn't go through with it. Obviously."

The muscles of his jaw clench as his gaze becomes all the more intense. I wish to leave it at that but know he won't settle for such a vague explanation. When he speaks again his voice is trembling.

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"Yes. No. It's complicated." I shift under his piercing scrutiny and touch the key on my chest. "I would get to be with all of my friends from ancient Egypt. It's a spell. A power only I can access."

"Pretty sure we all have that capability," he states coolly. "It's called dying."

"I turned it down, all right?" I cut in, wanting to finish this conversation. "I turned it down and I'm worried that…that it might have been the lost piece I've been searching for."

"That's bullshit!" he scoffs angrily, throwing these fears of mine out the window. "Everyone is missing something. You think anybody feels whole? Feels complete? Maybe you forgot what it was like to be human, being a disembodied spirit and then sharing souls with Yugi, but guess what, Yami? It can fucking suck! So quit being all emo."

I can't help but smile mirthlessly at his version of a pep talk or admonishment. It's difficult to tell with him. Otogi fumes beside me. I take note he isn't discrediting what I wanted. That I was tempted. That the dull yearning still burns in my chest when I think of them.

"Were you even going to tell me?"

There a twinge in his voice he tries to hide under a thick layer of annoyance, but I hear it all the same.

"Since I'd already decided against it, I thought I would avoid having you jump down my throat too," I say, nudging his elbow with mine.

" 'Too'? So the friendship crew was in on it." He pauses and then adds: "Do they all know?"

"No. How did you guess?"

The edges of his lips twitch, lifting just slightly.

"I know you."

There isn't a reason to argue that. Whether he knows the details of my life—past or present—he does. He gets it. Gets me.

I clear my throat.

"I would appreciate if you didn't bring this up with the others."

"There you go trying to protect everyone again. Did you ever stop to think maybe they can handle it? Or that they should? Remember when you called them at the aquarium and they thought you'd taken the key? How frantic they were?" he rants, turning and loping on one leg and his crutches to the couch, not feeling bold enough to go back to the bedroom. "On some level they already know."

I follow, engrossed by his words. I had forgotten all about that, how Anzu, Yugi and Ryou were so terrified I was going to harm myself. That was even before I knew about such a spell. And yet they were worried I was suicidal or something. When I drop down beside Otogi he doesn't flinch or try to move away. We sit side by side. We're at some sort of impasse.

"You haven't been okay for a long time, Yami."

"No, I haven't," I agree softly, letting down the wall that kept out the pain, knowing now that it won't drown me. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to throw all of this on you."

"Why? You're not allowed?" he muses tiredly, brushing back his bangs that dried in a tangled mess. "Reality check: It doesn't matter it's magical shit. You're not that special. You have the same option everyone else does. You just have the perk of knowing what's waiting on the other side."

"I can't decide if that's a blessing or a curse."

Our muddled, shadowy reflections watch us from the television screen. These dark counterparts' features aren't easy to work out. I can't tell the expression of the teen sitting next to me.

"Does it feel like one or the other?"

"It depends on the day," I admit.

Otogi regards me mutely. It's not the answer he wanted. It's not the one I wanted to give. But there it is. He understands it was a long struggle to decide against the Afterlife. But it's still there in the back of my mind. Still a possibility. I have all the pieces. The only difference is Mahaado, but his presence is not required for the spell to work.

"I'd ask you to promise if I thought it meant anything," Otogi mutters.

That catches me by surprise. It must show. He frowns at me, all taunting and teasing cast aside.

"What? Only you're allowed to care? I like talking to you," Otogi admits as his fingers reach up to play with the dice earring that isn't there. "You're one of the few people that I can stand being around." He glances at me teasingly out of the corner of his eye. "Plus you're fun to torment."

"Thanks a heap for that," I grumble without any real displeasure.

"You make it so damn easy," he says with a grin in his voice. There's a drawn out second where the humor dissolves into thin air. "And it's all fucked up now, isn't it?"

I wish he hadn't said it. That we could go on for a while longer pretending nothing happened.

"That depends on what we agree." I make sure to ask him first before giving my opinion: "Do you want me to go?"

"No."

I dare look at the raven-haired teen beside me. He's staring at the floor in front of us with a distant, lost expression written into his features. In this moment I understand Otogi's expecting me to leave. It's one of the few times he can't read me well because he's so confused.

"Good. I want to stay."

Emerald eyes dart to me. I catch the cagey hopefulness in someone who doesn't know what he wants. This is new territory for him, letting someone in. I'm trying my best to help him navigate through the idea of having someone give a damn about him simply because they do, and not to gain anything from him. To hell with whomever his role models were for relationships of any kind.

"I want to make it clear I'm not expecting anything from you. I'm here because I care, Otogi. As long as you need me to stay with you, I will. I just have no interest in taking advantage of you."

"I'm not drunk," he says defensively, clearly not understanding the notion at all.

"No. But you're having a hard time."

"So are you."

I decide that's enough of such speeches for now based on how stubborn and defensive he is. It doesn't appear anyone has pointed any of this out to him before. Given the type of people he's surrounded himself with, that doesn't come as much of a surprise.

"Yes," I sigh in defeat. "We make quite the pair."

---

The scream tears me from sleep. It's one of his worse dreams. Otogi's limbs thrash violently under the sheets as another cry rips from his throat. I quickly scramble to him and clutch him in a constricting embrace, holding his arms down against his sides so he can't scratch me or himself. It's all muscle memory after two weeks of doing this every night. My legs wrap instinctively around his to prevent him from kicking, from hurting his bad limb again. Only once I've secured him and ensured he's safe do I start to shake him.

"Otogi. Otogi, wake up. Otogi!"

It takes another ten seconds of this before he gasps awake. By then his skin is coated in a sheen of sweat. His chest is rising and falling in frantic gulps as he escapes the nightmare. I don't let go yet, waiting for the tension to lessen in his frame. We can see clearly since the bedside lights are on. The lights are always on.

"Breathe. I've got you. Breathe. Breathe."

I begin to take deep breaths and he tries, unsuccessfully at first, to match them. We sit together like this, him with his back against my torso. I loosen my hold on him so his ribcage can expand without the pressure from my arms. His fingers grasp the sheets, gathering the fabric into his fists as he struggles to come down from the adrenaline rush. The air exits his mouth loudly as he uses too much force in his efforts to gain control. I know we're through the worst when he collapses against me, the back of his head cradled in the nape of my neck.

The door crashes open. I tighten my hold on the teen, staring in shock at the old woman wheezing in the doorway. She's a small thing, maybe a head taller than Mr. Mutou, with a cloud of curly gray hair and squinting eyes as if she has forgotten to put on her glasses. The woman is dressed in a floral patterned nightgown that goes down to her ankles. She's holding a closed umbrella and approaching us with it raised like a baseball player ready to swing.

"Mari, what are you doing here?" Otogi gasps, struggling to sit up.

"I heard you screaming," she states steadfastly, sizing me up. "Who is this? Has he hurt you?"

"Get out of my bedroom!"

"Shall I call security? They will be discreet. I will make certain of that." She peers at me suspiciously. "What are you doing here? Bringing him more alcohol like that floozy from last night?—"

"Mari!"

"—I chased her out and I'll do the same to you if you've been causing him grief," she adds fiercely, brandishing the yellow and red umbrella threateningly.

It clicks in my head who this is and where she came from. I stay where I am, intrigued. This is something I didn't see coming.

"No he didn't," Otogi snaps, irked by her presence. "Put the fucking umbrella down!"

"Language, young man," she rejoins with the same bite.

She gives us both a once over, seeming satisfied that Otogi is unharmed, both of us are fully clothed, and the lack of alcoholic beverages. Only then does she lower her weapon, which she immediately leans on as she coughs.

I grab Otogi's shoulder when he shifts to go to her.

"You sit still. I'll help her."

"She doesn't need—"

"Help me?" the old woman scoffs as I rise from the bed and take her arm. Her demeanor changes abruptly from disdain to intrigue and authority. "Indeed. To the kitchen. I need water."

"Nobody's is taking fucking orders from y—."

"I won't have that language, Mr. Otogi," she calls over her shoulder as I find her leading me out of the room, leaving Otogi to fend for himself. "Now you will tell me: Who are you? What are you doing here at this hour? In his bed?"

"I'm Yami Mutou. I'm a…a friend of Otogi's."

"Try again. Mr. Otogi does not have friends," she sniffs, letting me help her climb onto one of the barstools at the island before I go around to get her water. "Just whorish executives. They're garbage, the lot of them."

I smile when my back is to her. Already I have a growing opinion of this woman. I like her. Amusement aside, I'm also incredibly relieved to find someone that has an interest in Otogi's wellbeing; though 'interest' doesn't seem a strong enough word in the maid's case.

"Well he has one friend now," I inform her while filling up the glass we had left on the counter earlier.

"Hrmph! And when did you become such close friends? I have never seen you here before."

"I've never been. You always see the people he brings to his apartment?"

"They always think they are being discreet but in reality are drunk and stupid." She squints at me, sizing me up as I hand her the glass. "I didn't hear you come up."

"It probably helped I wasn't drunk or stupid," I say light-heartedly.

"I'll be the judge of that," she retorts.

"Quit insulting him, Mari."

"Yes, insulting me is his territory," I tell her with a wry smile. A laughing gleam appears in her eyes.

Otogi comes over to the island and props the crutches against it. An arthritic hand flies up and lightly grasps him by the chin, turning his head this way and that before he can react.

"You're a sweaty mess," Mari announces, patting his cheek. "Go jump in the shower. At the very least wipe yourself off with a wet washcloth."

He pushes her hand away with a scowl.

"Will you stop…"

"Unless you need me to assist you?"

It's a dare. Or a threat. Whatever it is, they stare at one another, sizing each other up. Otogi decides she isn't joking.

"Go on. Your friend shall keep me company."

Otogi looks as if he swallowed a dice. I can't decide if I'm amused at his plight or afraid at being left alone with the woman.

"Great. Just fucking perfect."

That earns him a stern look from Mari. Otogi merely glares at her and hobbles away to clean himself up. Mari watches him thoughtfully, taking a sip of the water that she hasn't touched until now. The energy around her changes. Someone less observant would have thought her intensity was gone, but it's just quieter.

"Why was he screaming?"

"He's had night terrors since he was mauled."

"And how would you know this?"

I don't see a reason to be dishonest with her. If anything, she's the person who deserves as much information about this as I can include without bringing up Shadow Magic.

"I've been looking after him every night for the past two weeks."

"Impossible," she says in triumph, thinking she's caught me in a lie at last. "He's been under lock and key at a rehabilitation center. No one was allowed to visit. And I mean no one."

"Well I'm someone," I say evenly, resting my arms on the countertop and meeting her gaze. "I have connections."

"You expect me to believe that that blasted Kaiba Corp. would allow…?"

"Kaiba Corp. doesn't know," I cut her off smoothly.

She seems mildly impressed by that. I've gotten her attention if I didn't have it already. She's also gotten mine. So she doesn't have any connections to Kaiba Corp. That's a relief.

"He's been home two nights. I didn't hear him scream then. You were here with him?"

"No. He didn't sleep those nights. You already know about who did visit him."

She waves her hand as if to dismiss the very mention of the agent. Mari apparently isn't concerned about that. She handled it and she seems more than capable of handling it again if need be.

"So what do you want from Mr. Otogi? Money?"

"I have money."

"I suppose you must," she sniffs. "What is it then?"

"The same as you. I'm interested in his welfare."

"Hrmph! You speak like someone older than you are."

"If you say so."

"I do. And I want a concrete reason to believe you, Yami Mutou. I care for Mr. Otogi. I've been with his family since he was a toddler."

"Until today he never mentioned you. Or his family."

"Don't flatter yourself too much, young man. He's never mentioned you, either. Though I suppose he wouldn't. He likes to be private."

"I've noticed." I take the chance while he isn't here. "Where is his family?"

The old woman isn't falling for that.

"Leave the interrogating to me. You are the one out of place here."

"It's true," I can't disagree, approving of her all the more that she won't freely give me any personal information on Otogi.

"Are you sleeping with him?"

"Literally, yes."

"I'm not a prude," she states as if I had just flat-out lied to her face. "I know how young people are. I don't expect two teenage boys to behave themselves if they're sharing a bed for weeks on end. You will be careful when you do, though…"

"I'm gone two minutes and you're already giving your sex lecture?" the dice master asks in aggravation as he reappears; obviously having gone with her latter suggestion of cleaning up with a towel rather than a shower, which would have left us alone for too long for either of our liking.

"Given your track record, it seems in order," she says matter-of-factly. "Let's none of us pretend there are any blushing virgins in the room."

I nearly choke on my tongue trying not to laugh. Otogi looks ready to commit murder.

"Go home, Mari," the dice master states from between his teeth. "Now."

Her withered lips lift into a knowing smile. Mari has made her point and is apparently assured enough to leave us alone for the night. She holds out her wrinkled hand and I take it, assisting her from her seat even though I'm sure now she does not need my help. Leaning on her umbrella like a cane, she starts for the doorway while keeping a solid grip on my arm. Her slippers shuffle beside my bare feet on the smooth floor.

"I believe I like you, Yami Mutou. I have a knack for people, you know. If you are spending as much time with Mr. Otogi as you say, then we shall have more opportunities to become better acquainted."

"Just go, Mari," Otogi says in an emphatic dismissal from where we left him by the island.

"Goodnight to you, Mr. Otogi," she calls with a sweet grandmotherly voice before leaning toward me conspiringly and whispering: "I've stocked condoms in the top drawer of the bedside…"

"Mari!"

"Quite right. It is late. We should all be in bed," she says in a way that leaves that last sentence for interpretation. "Will I see you in the morning when I make breakfast?"

"I—I suppose you will," I stutter, unable to keep up with her incessant questions.

"Right answer again. Oh I do like this one," she announces to a reddening Otogi as if she's checking off a box. "Tomorrow then."

I stare at the door after it closes for a good minute, trying to digest everything that just happened. Good Ra, the woman is like a tornado. One she's gotten a hold of you she's relentless.

"And here I thought you were on your own," I muse, turning to the dice master.

Otogi is slumped with his forehead on the countertop. He merely groans in response.

"You didn't tell me you had your own personal body guard," I add with a grin.

"Don't start," he snaps irritably, sitting up. "The woman is a menace."

"She ran up a flight of stairs when she thought you were in trouble."

"She used the elevator and pretended to be a feeble old bitch to get close to you."

"Well it worked," I admit without being upset about it.

"You're fucking enjoying this," the dice master glowers at me.

"Damn right I am."

---

I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all

(Malik's POV)

I sigh as his energy appears on my radar. I'm not exactly sure what the range is that I can pick up his signature. With Yugi it's been much more clear-cut, similar to Marik and me when we were still connected. It doesn't help that my hypervigilance has gone into overdrive today. It's distinctive enough that I quickly realize he's coming through the back door and not the shop. My senses are confirmed when the outside door to the kitchen opens, daylight spilling through in a golden beam across the floor and flooding into the living room. It disappears in an instant when he shuts the door. I wrap my arms around my torso and sit back on my chair, knees drawn up against my arms as I wait for the inevitable.

His footsteps move aimlessly about the kitchen for a moment. Then there's an abrupt lack of movement. He's getting better at this. When his footfall resumes, it's hesitant, as if he wasn't sure where he was trying to go. As if he were being pulled against his will. His silhouette hovers in the doorway of the kitchen. Even with the blinds drawn, there's enough light I can see his features.

"What are you doing here?" he asks, a strange quality to his voice as he tries to remove the traces of accusation from his tone. "Where is everyone?"

"Not home," I mumble.

"Then how did you…?" Yami immediately glances toward the front door to look for damage; as if I would leave any trace if I had broken in.

"Solomon gave me a key."

"Oh." His arms fall at his sides. It's now that those mysteries have been dealt with he really looks at me. "Malik, are you all right?"

"Of course I'm not." I take a shaky breath but cannot will the tremors to cease. "I was hoping little pharaoh would be here."

"I'll call—."

"You think I'm stupid? I have his number," I add at that once again incredulous look he gives me. "He forgot his phone next to the stove."

"Did you try Ryou's place?"

I avert my eyes to the coffee table, fingers clenching into my ribcage. I didn't call; didn't feel like having my inadequacies being broadcasted through their entire group. Mercifully, the former king doesn't need me to spell this out for him. He knows how his group of friends operates.

"Let me. I'll just be a minute."

I shut my eyes as another shudder rushes through me. Yami retreats to the kitchen. I don't try to listen in, though it would be easy. Part of me is screaming at myself for not stopping him. But I know I'm drowning and can't pull myself out. Not today. His voice is a blur in the back of my mind, too much of a storm brewing to keep focused.

"He's coming."

I start at his voice, obviously having lost some time. I wearily look at him as he sits on the couch across from me instead of leaving me the hell alone. The Millennium key swings from his neck as he leans forward and threads his fingers loosely.

"What about Marik and his siblings?"

"What about them?" I croak.

"Do they know you're struggling? Where you are?"

"Hikari and his sister were having a sassing match last I checked."

"While you were like this?" he asks disapprovingly as my limbs jolt involuntarily. "Or did they know?"

"If we're doing twenty questions then I should get to play too," I remark without any spirit.

Yami quiets at that, reeling himself in. I shudder as I can feel his emotions, however faint, through the link with Yugi. It's an unsettling sensation of something that does not belong. What worsens things is that the something is me.

"Is there any way I can…? Can I help?"

"Not that I'm aware," I mumble as my ka wraps itself around my soul in an effort to placate the anxiety.

"But we're connected. Well, not a link, but through Yugi," he ponders aloud. "I can feel some of what you're experiencing. It's faint but…That has to mean something."

"I'm really not in the mood for deep contemplations, Yami."

His brow furrows at the cracks in my voice. Gods, why did it have to be him that came home first? Not that Solomon would be able to placate me, but his company is preferred to Yami.

"Do you mind if I try?"

I would say yes, but this isn't getting any better. I shrug my permission. Can't imagine it could make things much worse. If anything, nothing will come of it. Said former monarch rises slowly to his feet. He comes around the table and perches on its edge, facing me. I don't bother asking his plan, watching as he reaches out and gently places his fingers on my arm. When I don't react he slides them further in so his palm is resting in the crook of my elbow.

We avoid looking at each other as in this instant we are thinking the same thing: Was the last time—the only time we have ever touched—when he banished me?

That brings up all sorts of unresolved trauma that sets my teeth on edge. I turn my head so the left side of my face is pressed into the back rest of the chair as I endure his company. I can feel his effort, can tell he's trying. He just can't find me, can't breech that connection between me and Yugi. He was never versed in heka to begin with and nowadays is lacking in such abilities. I don't try to guide him. Don't want to let him in. I doubt I could if I tried.

Yami's arm jerks when green energy slips from me. It forgoes the connective spell with Yugi and plunges physically into Yami's hand. Great. Now portions of my spirit are meddling as well. Yami stares at me in wonder.

"So your ka is awake."

"What's left of it," I disclose bitterly, cringing at the way Shadow Ghoul is weaving between us, able to grasp at the link we share with Yugi now that it is in contact with Yami.

Yami and I both go along with it, letting it lead and move the energy. It takes his calm, his poise, threading it into my anxiety and pain. I hate this. To feel any joining to him. But it wasn't his doing. It was mine—or my meddling ka, to be accurate.

"Is Yugi coming alone?" I ask, desperate for a distraction from our spiritual transfusion.

"You mean: Is Bakura accompanying him? I'm sure he will be." The pause tells me he, too, is in tune with my boiling emotions when we're like this. "You don't want him to?"

I swallow down a cry as Shadow Ghoul wraps around a particularly painful portion of my spirit. His fingers tighten, as if it will keep me together. I don't say it aloud, won't admit to Yami the reason I don't want the thief here right now. It's not that he does anything wrong; he's actually very good at placating me. It has more to do with the fact I've grown weary of him seeing me like this. I'm envious of how he's gone beyond simply coping on the fringes of his new life and is now wading willingly into it. I'm resentful of his and Yami's capability to do that.

"What about Marik? Do you want me to call him?"

"And have them get into a pissing match?"

"All right. Which of them do you want right now?"

"Neither."

Yami's brow draws. At least I can be grateful this thing Shadow Ghoul is doing doesn't allow us access to each other's thoughts. I'd rather be a crumbling mess on my own. I'm not prepared for what happens at whatever revelation my answer causes Yami: A surge of protectiveness rises and is pulled by my ka around me. It's not Shadow Ghoul's though. It's Yami's. I shoot him a guarded look but he doesn't seem to have realized he's doing it—or at least, that I can feel it.

"Yugi mentioned you crash like this every so often. That you have bad days. What happened today?"

"Nothing 'happened'," I retort irritably, resting my head back down while silently urging his hikari to hurry up. "Reality hits harder some days."

"I understand."

I know he does. It didn't take this experience for me to get that.

"Does Yugi…does he still worry I'm leaving, do you think?"

"Of course he does."

"He's mentioned it to you?"

"He doesn't have to."

Either Yami is too preoccupied with this thought to be offended or my words held more than a grain of truth.

"What about Marik?"

"What about him?" I ask defensively, figurative hackles rising.

"Does he get it? What you're going through?"

"How could he?" I say resignedly, comprehending that the anxiety is depleting somewhat.

"That's fair," he accepts. "We can't expect them to understand. Hells, I told Otogi last night about the Afterlife. It went as well as you can imagine." He shakes his head. "How can I reassure him when I can't make that promise? Sooner or later, I'll have a bad day. What if it's just the wrong set of circumstances? What if I get overwhelmed and act in a moment of…of…I don't even know what to call it."

I don't either. But I know exactly what he's talking about. It's where my head went today. The spiral downward. The chaotic, insistent desperation for peace. It doesn't care if it tears you asunder in the process of getting there. The difference between me and Yami is I'm not going to act on that impulse.

"How do I convince them when I can't even convince myself?"

"Search me. I'm not the one romanticizing suicide."

"I'm not—It's not that simple, Malik, and you know it. If you had seriously considered my offer…what would you tell Marik now, to reassure him?"

I have to really think on that. And I don't know. Through these insights of Bakura and Yami's psyches, I can tell my mind doesn't work like theirs.

"If I had seriously considered your offer, I would have taken it."

Yami's energy warps, changing directions sharply when I don't give him what he wants. It goes into a deeper confusion than before. How the fuck could someone be this muddled?

"He kissed me."

I glance at the former pharaoh to let him know just how foreseeable I find this announcement.

"Otogi. He kissed me," he reiterates, as if I somehow missed it the first time.

"What are you expecting me to say? That I'm surprised? The kid was plastered to you last night."

"Sleeping against me is hardly a reason to expect he would kiss me!"

"Why not? He's as straight as my hikari."

"You can't possibly tell that by looking at him for two seconds!"

"I have seen him strutting around on a few other occasions."

"But you've never had a conversation with him. Never—"

"When you have to be so cautious about everyone before interacting—provided, of course, you're not planning on slitting their throat after—you develop a sense for people," I reveal with a mirthless smile even as I shiver. "Fuck, Yami. Don't get all worked up. It's not an obligation to act."

"Gods, why did you have to say anything at all?" he demands, rising up from his seat and severing the connection. "Why couldn't you just let it be?"

Thankfully he let go when he did. I wouldn't want him to know the answer to that question.

"You recall the little brat was asleep. I never said anything to him."

"I know that!" he exclaims. He rubs his face with his hands as if it will somehow help him clear his mind. "I know. It's me. Hells, at first, I was able to explain the kiss away. That he didn't ever have the experience of someone truly caring about him. But then I found out that isn't true. What am I supposed to do?"

"I'm not your therapist, Yami."

"What do I do?" he pleads. "Malik, please, there isn't anyone I can go to. Everyone else hates him."

"And you think my opinion isn't tainted as well?" I ask cynically. "Or that I give a damn on whether you fuck the kid's brains out?"

He sits down hard on Solomon's chair, staring at the chess box lying on the table between us.

The door bursts open. Good Ra, I was so distracted by this conversation I didn't feel the hikari come near.

"I'm here! How is he?" the small teen asks as he crosses the space to join us. He stills as he senses the awkwardness from whatever we're both giving off. "What's going on?"

"Something we won't be doing again," I say with conviction. Yami doesn't argue with that.

"You came alone, aibou?"

"I—yeah. Only Ryou and his dad are home. Is that bad? Should I have tried to contact…?"

"No. This is preferable, apparently" he cuts off his lighter half, sending me the stink eye. "If you two are okay, I think I'll go get a little more shut eye."

"Oh. Sure, Yami. We've got this."

A look passes between us as he departs. His is a warning, cautioning me against repeating any of this conversation to his hikari. I stare back blandly, not giving him the satisfaction of knowing what's going on in my head. I'm still trying to peel away the sensation of being even remotely attached to him.

Never again, I silently snarl at my ka.

Yugi and I don't speak. He takes a seat across from me. We both focus, going inward and then reaching out through our link to each other. It's something we've been practicing over the past few weeks for times like this when I crumble. I like the silence, let myself sink into it. It's like drifting deep underwater, so still. So dark. But with him I am able to breathe. In the haze of it I lose time once more. I'm aware of Shadow Ghoul threading itself through me like a fine needle, targeting the sources of my distress. Yugi follows it. I've never asked him how exactly he and my ka communicate. It wouldn't make any difference to me whether I knew the answer or not. Plus it would open the door for him to ask more questions than I'm willing to answer.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize I forgot my phone here." Yugi pulls me from the depths. He's studying me, intrigued. "Malik, I can feel Shadow Ghoul all over you…"

"It is my ka."

"…and all over Yami."

"It's a meddlesome spirit," I mutter with a shudder of disgust, too tired to be that miffed about it. "Don't expect me to let that happen again. I never wanted to be that close to him."

He laughs because he knows he's too far into my good graces to be in any real danger.

"Since I have attachments to both of you, I think I can be considered a credible source when I say you're both tolerable."

"That is up for debate," I smirk at him. "Sorry for ruining your outing."

"It's why we have the link," he shrugs as if my breaking hadn't destroyed his day's plans. "Ryou was getting on my case a bit about Marik and me and the Millennium Items."

"Jealous, is he?"

"He doesn't trust Marik."

"Well, I never said Bakura's hikari is a complete idiot."

"Careful, Malik. That was close to complimenting Ryou. Hey! Did you just infer that I'm an idiot?"

"You insulted a god to his face and demanded Rishid bind you to me. Yes, little pharaoh, we have already established you are an idiot. But of the best possible kind."

"Thanks for that," he glowers at me even as his lips slip into a smile. "So you and Yami just let Shadow Ghoul weave pretty patterns on your souls while you both sat here in awkward silence?"

"Silence, I wish."

"I'm sorry if he got testy with you," the teen apologizes, having caught the look his darker half sent me along with his mood. "He and Otogi must have had a bad night if Yami's looking to sleep more."

"They seem to be quite close," I mention, fishing.

"No. Maybe. I'm not sure." He glances nervously at the staircase. "Can you keep a secret? Okay okay, will you keep this secret?" he tries again irritably when I raise my eyebrows.

"Why do I even have to hear it?"

"Because I haven't told anyone else. I can't. Everyone else hates Otogi."

I'm noticing a strong semblance between yami and hikari.

"And you're assuming I don't because…?"

"Oh I'm sure you would if you knew him. But you also hate Yami. Therefore, you're not going to get upset about it." Little pharaoh is watching me with eager eyes, clearly begging me to accept because he's been dying to tell someone. "It's something Shaddi told me. He said…he said Otogi will be important. To Yami." The teen steals a nervy look at me to see if I have an opinion I want to express. I don't. "So I've…sorta been nudging Yami to check up on him. And it worked! When Mahaado came he said he could let Yami stay because of Otogi."

It takes me a moment after he's finished his excitable speech to process everything he said. I'm not sure whether it would please little pharaoh to know just how much time his darker half has actually been spending with the dice brat. There is something off about what he told me though. One element in particular is missing.

"And where'd Shaddi get this idea in the first place?" I ask, aware I very likely already know the answer.

"Some priestess back in Egypt had a vision or prophecy or something," the boy says distractedly, clearly not understanding how important that piece of the puzzle is. "Is this wrong of me? To push Yami like this? To use Otogi to convince Yami to stay?"

It clicks why he's asking me, aside from the aforementioned fact that I don't have much of an opinion of any of it. He wants a yami's insight. The hikari is trying to sort out if he's overstepping. Apparently their relationship has changed a lot since the Realm.

How do I get sucked into these things? Oh right. By being tethered to the hikari.

"The choice is still his," I point out.

"But what if he changes his mind?"

I knew it. I knew the hikari would not be so dense as to realize that decision wasn't a fix-all. Yugi lets go of me, our ritual complete. It wearies us both but he's not finished fretting yet.

"I don't really like Otogi hanging around and being so close to Yami. He's an asshole. Though I don't think he could trick Yami. Their spending time together seems to be making a difference for Yami. I'm afraid to ask him if he really needs to spend so much time with Otogi. I'm afraid of pulling them apart and having Yami backpedal."

"You really think the dice-brat holds that much sway?"

"If he does, he doesn't know it. I don't think Yami sees it either. At this point I'm afraid of them going their separate ways. Of them not being friends. I'm afraid of screwing up whatever Shaddi and Mahaado saw."

Well I'll be damned.

Little pharaoh offers me an apologetic wince of a smile.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to be throwing all of my baggage on you. Especially after you're recuperating." He slides off the chair. "I'm going to make some lunch. You hungry?"

"No. I wouldn't mind crashing a bit."

"Go ahead," he says cheerily, completely used to me taking over his room for hours at a time. "I'll make enough you can have some when you wake up."

My legs wobble beneath me when I rise. The hikari wanders into the kitchen to make some ungodly amount of food. I have an internal battle with myself as I ease my way up the first flight of stairs. I pause in the hallway, the bathroom on the left, Solomon and Yami's rooms on the right. I really don't want to be anywhere near the former pharaoh for a good long time after that unpleasant encounter but this could be worth my while. I raise my hand and it lingers inches from the woodgrain for several seconds before knocking.

"Come in."

Yami sits upright in bed when I—and not his hikari—appear. I don't step foot in the room. Don't want to go nearer to him than necessary.

"Malik…?"

"Been mulling it over. Your question." I heave a peeved sigh at his uncomprehending stare. "How to give some assurance to the dice brat or little pharaoh or whoever regarding you not checking out prematurely."

He perks at this, obviously intrigued. It's hard to say it's because he's so desiring some insight or if it's the fact I'm bothering.

"Yes?"

"Offer them some kind of leverage so you can't make a hasty decision. Make it impossible for you to act in a spontaneous instant."

"That's actually…a really good idea."

"Quit sounding so surprised."

"But leverage? What do you have in mind?"

"I don't. They're your friends. Your magical objects. Your seesaw of emotions. Your hypothetical question."

"All right, all right, I get it," he interjects. "Thank you. You've given me something to think about. May I ask why?"

"I watch out for people who matter to me. That sentiment has extended to your hikari and Solomon. I'm not letting you devastate them."

"I-I…thank you."

"Don't thank me," I sneer, turning to leave. "Just don't run out on them."

---

But now old friends-they're acting strange
They shake their heads, they say I've changed
Well something's lost, but something's gained
In living every day

(Otogi's POV)

"That young man certainly is nice."

"Hn," I grunt distractedly, going into the backlogs of the Kaiba Corp. database in an effort to fill this void of hours I have to spend "healing and relaxing", whatever the hell that means.

"From what I understand, he doesn't seem at all impressed with Kaiba Corp," Mari continues.

"That's because he can kick Kaiba's ass in every sense of the phrase."

"Does he drink at all?"

"Not that I'm aware."

Mari hums her approval and my fingers curl on the keyboard. She ignores my irritation, mopping the kitchen floor while trying to glean more information from me. I pull up a bunch of old ideas, projects that were never put into place; some of them due to an entire summer of mine wasted on having to stalk Katsuya rather than focus on the company. I can always fine-tune these while I wait for Kaiba to give the green light for me to come back.

"What about…?"

"Mari, I'm trying to work here. I need to be on top of my game when I get back or Kaiba will find an excuse to demote me. Go mop the bathroom or whatever. Something away from here."

She picks up the bucket of water and mop without an argument. As she's about to pass me by she lingers for a moment.

"This amount of pressure is not healthy for someone your age. Or for anyone. Talk to your lawyers. Surely they can find a loophole."

"My lawyers are all owned by Kaiba Corp.," I snigger. "One of the thrills of being emancipated from my parents has been essentially becoming Kaiba Corp's property. It's poetically ironic."

"You still have two and a half years to go with Kaiba Corp. as your guardian. That's two and a half years too long, Mr. Otogi."

I almost reach for the trusty glass of alcohol that isn't beside the laptop. There's just a plate with a half-eaten sandwich I haven't had the stomach to finish despite it being one of my favorites. I sigh, massaging my forehead with my thumb and fingers.

"Just let me work, Mari."

She doesn't push it. Mari leaves me to try to fill this void of hours with something productive. Sure we get in scuffles on a daily basis, but she's loyal. I'd trust her with my life, as frightening as that is. Even so, she has no say of my 'upbringing'. That's signed away and done.

"Hey."

"Fuck! Don't sneak up on me like that!" I snap as Yami leans casually across the width of island from me. Furthermore: "It's the middle of the day. I wasn't expecting you until…What are you doing here?"

Yami reaches into his pocket and pulls Duel Monster cards. He can't be serious. He reaches across the black countertop, sliding three cards toward me facedown.

"Pick one."

"You magicked all the way over here to play games?"

"Humor me."

I don't have time for this. First Mari, now Yami. Yet there's something off about him. He's almost excited about this. I don't know why. I don't play; though three cards don't equal a duel. Indulging him this whim, I place my index finger on the far right card and slide it to me. Yami doesn't say anything, obviously waiting for me to look at it. I sigh, catching my fingernail under its edge so I can flip it over on this smooth surface.

What. The. Fuck.

"What is this?"

"I'm fairly certain you know what it is."

"Yeah, I do, but what exactly are we doing here? Why are you having me pick one?" I ask, staring down at Slifer the Sky Dragon.

I've never touched a god card before. After my experiences with Shadow Magic and the way everyone talks about and treats them, I was almost expecting to feel it twitch or something.

"I can't promise you about the Afterlife."

The hairs on the back of my neck stand up at those foreboding words.

"And what? This is a way of apologizing for the fact you might off yourself later?" I demand angrily, slamming my hand down atop the card. "Well I don't want it! For fuck's sake, Yami, you really deluded yourself into believing I'd accept this?!"

"Otogi." He leans forward, placing his hand over the two remaining with him. "The spell requires the Millennium puzzle and three god cards. It won't work without all of them. I'm asking if you will hold onto this for me. Keep it safe. With the amount of resources you have, I know you can. Then you'll know I won't be disappearing on all of you."

"You…Yugi and your friends didn't want…?" I stumble on the questions, lifting my hand and touching the edge of the card tentatively.

"I'm offering it to you."

"Yeah, but, why?"

"You're the one who wanted me to promise." He breaks into a warm smile. "So will you keep it for me?"

I stare at the details of the red dragon. The two mouths. A tail like a tasselwhip. White dagger talons. Yellow eyes.

Yellow eyes.

I swallow the fear as the Shadow wolves flash through my head. I pull from deep within my gut for some sense of normalcy. Of me. Tapping into me, I find my attitude, or something like it.

"I could use this, you know," I say as nonchalantly as I can manage. "Use it as leverage to get Kaiba to let me back in sooner."

"You could," he says lightly, not bothered in the slightest by that; he's definitely got a high opinion of me. "I've got to get going."

"Will you be here for dinner, Mr. Yami?" Mari calls poking her head out from my room.

Snooping woman.

"I think I need to spend more time with my family," Yami says as a way of escaping that, tucking the other god cards into his pocket. "See you tonight."

He goes through the tedious movements of opening the door and exiting; he doesn't flat-out vanish on the spot for Mari's benefit.

"I swear that young man is magic. I never hear him arrive. Why did he stop by?"

My maid is suddenly peering over my arm at the card. She plucks it up irreverently and examines it over the top of her spectacles. Disappointed, she places it on the counter and heads back to finish cleaning the bathroom.

"I don't understand your generation. In my day, a box of chocolates or a bouquet of flowers sufficed."

I stay where I am staring at the card, too dumbstruck that he gave it to me to even come up with a retort.

---

Due to long-hauler's syndrome from the virus, I have had long periods of inability to write. When the physical symptoms are tolerable, I've had horrible brain fog where I can't come up with words or their synonyms. At its worst it makes writing impossible. When I can write, there are MANY errors. So more rounds of editing have been required than usual.

It's also taken longer because I wanted to get more than one chapter written out before publishing the next to make sure things were wrapping up well. I have had some sort of 'call-back' scenes paralleling with the beginning of this story. Have also written one that pays tribute to a scene in my first ever fic on this site.

The good news is I am working on the final chapter! (never thought I would get to say that)

Mari *staring at Yami and Otogi*: I ship them!

Ferris: *grinning coyly* Me too!