A somber cloud hung heavily in the air as she sobbed heavily into her hands as Minerva talked candidly about Severus and the life he had led.
Minerva had to stop for a few moments to dab a handkerchief to her eyes and clear her throat. She knew all along he wasn't an evil man, just merely misguided in the grand scheme of things. A victim of circumstance caught up in a tangled web of atrocities that led him to where he was now.
Pansy stroked her friend's shoulder as she tried to strangle her sobs, but in turn, only made her cry even louder.
It was no secret to anyone at Hogwarts that there was some relationship between Severus and Hermione. Although strained at times, they knew there were deep-seated feelings between the two and how much Hermione must hurt right now.
The only ones it seemed to be a secret to were Ron and Harry who were watching their friend, totally perplexed as to why she was spilling tears over the man who was nothing but a grade A cunt to her through most of their school years. And now here she was bawling her eyes out as if she had just lost the love of her life.
She wanted to do a speech at his funeral, about him and about how much she loved him, but the sobs that tore through her body wouldn't allow her to do such a thing. Instead, she just stared and listened intently to Minerva, whose words may as well have been blown off into the breeze because she couldn't truly tune in to what she was saying.
"It's ok," Pansy cooed gently to her friend, but the truth was she did not know how she really was feeling. It was odd to her how anyone could love Snape, much less a girl with her intelligence, but she wasn't there to judge her or ask questions. She had also loved no one in a way it seemed Hermione loved Snape, so she didn't know of true heartbreak. The type that made you want to vomit at the thought of being alone. The heartache that made you cry into your pillow of a night and wake up feeling dejected and lost.
Hermione knew he died for the greater good and blah blah, but that didn't mend her broken heart. That didn't stop her from wanting to die herself so she could lie beside him eternally and they could forever be together.
Sobbing heavily into Pansy's shoulder as the coffin lowered into the ground, she felt as if her chest was tightening, and she could no longer breathe. This was the real last goodbye, so permanent and so real. No longer would he be on the earth with her, but instead down in the dirt, cold and alone when he didn't deserve that, not in the way it all happened and that tore at her heart the most.
o-o-o-o-o-o
"I don't understand why you are still bawling your eyes out over him, Hermione," Ron moaned as he pointed a fork at the girl early one morning as they ate breakfast together at the burrow.
The girl a mere ghost of the person she once was, sat idly in the kitchen most of the day alternating between heavy, silent sobs to gut-wrenching howls of anguish and not a soul knew what to do to comfort her, and Ron was becoming more irritated with every day that drew on.
"Ron!" Molly warned sternly, snapping at her son and then shooting a sympathetic look at the girl.
"What? It's been two months, and she's still sooking like the day it happened. Get a grip for Merlin's sake."
"Ronald. Just shut up!" She stopped crying enough to scream at him, her voice echoing gently off of the walls, causing the entire room to fall silent.
Hermione was only here because she had nowhere else to go, but she would never tell them that. She would never let them know she could barely stand to sit in the same house, let alone sit here and pretend to be their friend. It honestly made her sick.
Her parents were in Australia knew not of her existence, and Pansy although she offered for Hermione to stay with her, Hermione wasn't comfortable staying in the home of her parents, while wounds and memories of the war still ran deep.
"Well, you hardly knew the git. You spent, what, coming into a year with him, following him around the castle and you think your heart has been broken? He was an evil wretch, and he got what he deserved. I said what I said." He folded his arms tightly across his chest and raised a brow, almost willing her to argue with him. He would never forgive her for what she had done, and he took great joy in knowing Snape was rotting in hell where he belonged for what he had done-taken Hermione from him.
"It matters not how long I really knew him for, Ronald. I loved him and he loved me. Without him around a piece of my soul has all but been lost and I am no longer whole."
Ron mock gagged, looking around the room to read everyone's reaction to her sob story. Harry looked in awe. Molly had a tiny tear just so in her eye. Ginny gagged along with Ron. Everyone else had gone off to work for the morning.
The room was hushed for another moment. The only sound was the skidding of a chair as it went flying across the wooden floor with force.
"Excuse me," she snapped bitterly, getting to her feet. "I must dress and depart for an appointment at St. Mungos on this fine morning." She strode four steps across the kitchen, doing her best impression of Severus without even realizing it before she stopped at the sound of Ron's voice once more. Like nails down a chalkboard, she ground her teeth hard.
"Finally. Getting the mental help you need," Ron snapped.
"Actually." She turned back on her heel walking the steps she just took before placing two hands on the table and leaning down to meet Ron's gaze with her own. "I'm going because I think I may be pregnant."
The room fell silent once more, only this time a pin could've been heard dropping.
"To whom?!" Ron demanded.
"To Santa Claus. Who on earth do you think, you inept pigeon," Throwing her hands high in the air, she turned once again on her heel, once again, to only stop when she heard his voice again.
"You slept with that… that… dungeon bat?" Ron almost choked on the words as they forced themselves from his mouth, spitting them out as if they were acid on his tongue. "I thought he just whispered sweet nothing into your ear, and you were stupid enough to follow blindly. I didn't think you were a whore as well."
"How dare you?" Teeth gritted so hard they felt as if they were going to crack under the pressure of her own jaw. Turning to face him once again, he realized the grave mistake he had made as the white-fiery anger flashed in her eyes.
"Ron!" Molly interjected. "Keep your harsh tongue behind your teeth. Love knows no bounds, and it matters not who she is in love with. Of course, I am disappointed with whom it was with."
"Disappointed?" Hermione asked Solemnly. "What gives you the right to be disappointed? It's my life and I live it as I see fit. I can help not with whom my heart grows fond of, Molly. You're just upset that it wasn't for your son. He's upset that it wasn't with him." She pointed a finger harshly at Ron. "We all knew he fancied me, and he is angry he couldn't lay a claim to me first."
Turning once again, she stormed up the steps and slammed the bedroom door. Sobbing softly once again, she began pulling clothes haphazardly from her trunk and throwing them across the room with haste. Grabbing the pair of jeans, she wore the night Severus had died, she hadn't the heart to throw them away. Tainted with his blood, they were the last reminder of the last time she held his body close.
Holding them in her hands, she plunged her hands into a pocket and grasped something small and cold before pulling it out. A strangled sob tore from her body as she opened her hand upon the locket he had bestowed upon her only hours before his death.
The heart shape may have been generic, but it was from him and that was all that mattered. The silver heart weighed heavily in her hand, and the small diamonds that surrounded the edge glimmered softly in the sunlight that shone through the window.
Fingering the chain in her hand gently, she grasped it between her fingers and lifted it gently, watching as it spun slowly in a circle, almost waiting for something to happen. As it rounded the back, a small inscription caught the corner of her eye. Time heals all wounds.
Dropping the trinket back into her palm, she looked for a seam along the edge, digging a fingernail between the two pieces until it popped open, revealing a tiny time turner within the locket, and her breath caught in her throat. "Time heals all wounds!" She exclaimed as many an idea flew through her mind.
How could she have been so stupid as to not take literal heed of his words? He all but spelled it out for her right there on the night as he handed her the jewelry, and she was too caught up to decipher his cryptic meaning.
The smile that had found its way to her face faltered and faded just as quickly as it had appeared. This was impossible, though. A time turner could only do hours at a time, and it had been months since his death, so the possibility of going back was all but a sad thought that flittered through her mind before fizzling out.
But what if… Severus was a smart man. Probably one of the most intelligent Wizards she had ever met. What if he had made a time turner of unknown power and expectation? What if…
She looked hesitantly at the locket as if it might open up and swallow her whole into a realm unknown.
The question was, what would happen if she went that far back in time? If she could go that far back in time, that was. Would she ultimately change the timeline and would her changing the past reflect a new future?
Would saving Severus have a positive or negative impact on time itself. Once she saved him, would they have to live out the past few months again in order to change the string of events, or could she ultimately use the time turner to take them back to the future and they would slot in seamlessly?
She sighed haughtily. Time was not an object to be trifled with, especially when the knowledge you possessed about time travels barely even made a scratch on the surface.
She couldn't possibly go back, save Severus and bring him back to the present day because you couldn't change something that had already happened.
She knew if she bent the rules of time and space that her present world would go on without her living within it. She would vanish and people would wonder where she went, but the world would still keep spinning.
If she lived out the timeline from the moment she saved him, ultimately, she would live on a totally different timeline to the one she had left, and no one would know where she went or what had happened to her. She would simply cease to exist.
Frustrated, she sighed. Time was nothing to be trifled with and she knew too little to go messing with things she wasn't too sure on, but on the other hand, she could go and have him back in her life, her broken heart would mend, and she would stop spilling her tears over the loss of her love.
Dropping the locket on the ground before her, she watched it intently for a moment, wondering what she should do. Sighing heavily, she picked it back up and pocketed it. It may be selfish, but she had to do it. She had to go back and save him, not for the greater good of the world but for her own greater good. For once, she was going to do something for her.