A/N: Thank you all so much for the incredible feedback on Chapter 21—the amount of you that left reviews and asks saying that you *got it* with the whole tangled situation just made me so incredibly relieved and happy. You guys are truly my people, and I'm so grateful to have you here! xoxo

CHAPTER 22: Who Has the Ego Now?

LILY

James's singular cry rang through their office as his fingers dug into her scalp and liquid heat surged into her mouth, but Lily controlled her smile, focused on her new rhythm of sucking and swallowing while her hand slowed to a gentle slide.

"Fuck, fuck—fuck." He sounded winded, his voice a whimper. "Lily—oh, fuck."

She gave him one last swirl of her tongue and felt him shudder, finally too sensitive for her touch, before pulling her mouth away with a small pop.

Now she let herself smile, as she took in the sight of her boyfriend sprawled in the squishy armchair, his head tilted back against the cushions, eyes still scrunched, brow still furrowed, mouth still slightly open as he sucked in a deep breath. Lily slid her hands up his thighs, his trousers soft under her palms, and pushed up from her kneeling position to stand over him, bracing herself against the arms of the chair.

"Did I knock you out?" she teased.

He opened a bleary eye before closing it again, letting his head relax further against the back of the chair. "Yes." His voice was raspy. "I just came—so hard—"

Lily chuckled softly, ducking her head to place a kiss at his jaw. So had she, just a short while before, when their positions had been reversed and James had been on his knees in front of that armchair, tracing what Lily now recognized as his initial with his tongue.

"Guess we're even, then."

James only grunted in response.

"Might even be worthy of the BJ board, hmm?"

His eyes snapped open, suddenly very much alert. "What did you just say?"

Lily arched a brow. "You heard me."

He chewed his lip, eyes flickering between hers. Then, "Who told you?"

"Sirius."

James swore under his breath as he rolled his eyes. "Figures."

Lily settled herself in his lap and explained, "It came up when we were brainstorming ideas to feed to Hogwarts Hearsay. I mentioned the fifth year girls ranking abs, and he, er, brought that up."

His fingertips skimmed her face as he tucked her hair behind her ear. "You're not on it."

"Sirius told me." Her mouth quirked in a teasing smile. "I guess my boyfriends haven't wanted everyone knowing how good they have it."

James chuckled, a warm sound emanating from deep within his chest. "More like your boyfriends have been too respectful to objectify you like that."

She raised her eyebrows. "Is that so?"

James just shrugged. "I didn't put Dahl on there, either. It just felt…weird, somehow. Like I'd be going behind her back—or now, your back—if I put you on there without you knowing."

Her heart warmed at the sincerity in his voice, the thoughtfulness in his eyes. She'd forced herself to only think about his arrogance for so long that she was only now fully appreciating how kind he really was, even if he didn't always show it.

A new thought presented itself in her mind, and Lily turned it over as she pushed his hair off his forehead with gentle fingers. "And what if I did know?"

His eyes widened slowly. "You…want me to put you on the board?"

She chewed her lip, holding his gaze. "I want Hogwarts Hearsay to know you put me on the board."

James grinned. "Who has the ego now, hmm?"

xxx

Cleaned up, clothes righted, ponytail redone, and full from a quick dinner in the kitchens, Lily walked the trek back to Gryffindor tower tucked under James's arm, her own arm looped around his waist.

"Alright," James murmured in her ear, "so one drink, and then you get Mary and I'll tell Sirius."

"Got it."

He squeezed her shoulder, pressing a kiss to her head. "I like scheming with you."

Lily's insides warmed, and she snuggled into his chest as they walked. "Imagine all the pranks I could have helped you plan," she teased. "Merlin knows you needed it."

"Ouch." James brought his free hand to his heart as he looked down at her. "Hit a man where it hurts, Evans."

Lily giggled. "I suppose I'll give you points for creating the map."

"That deserves a lot of points—"

"But I must say, the Valentine's Day prank last year was predictable, and that attempt to mass-hex the Hufflepuff Quidditch team to speak only in rhyme? Poorly executed."

James only scoffed, muttering, "Fucking unbelievable."

"You should have used the Confundus Charm first, and then the rhyme charm probably would have stuck better."

He slowed, staring into the distance. "Shit. Why didn't we think of that?"

Lily snorted. "Probably because you were overeager about hexing Eddie under my nose."

James stuttered, "Well, I—not—I was—"

She squeezed his waist. "Battling your secret feelings for me, yes, I know."

He pressed his lips back into her hair, murmuring, "We hugged after that match."

Her heart fluttered. "I remember."

It had been the match that clinched the Quidditch House Cup, and the hug had been a complete accident, part of the mosh of celebratory euphoria on the Gryffindor-stormed pitch.

"I thought about it all night."

"So did I." Along with other things, but Drunk Lily had already divulged that.

James paused, looking down at her with a mix of wonder and mischief in his eyes, and when he spoke next, his voice was warm and soft, dripping in sincerity. "You're my dream, Lily. My absolute dream."

Her heart skittered, and she broke the moment only because the way he was looking at her just then made her suddenly too flustered to do anything except banter, "Yeah, you might've mentioned that once or twice over the past few years."

He chuckled, tugging gently on her ponytail. "Piece of work, you are."

Lily turned to walk backwards next to him, swinging his hand playfully as she smirked. "I wouldn't be your dream girl if I wasn't."

His responding grin told her she was right.

They made it back to the Gryffindor common room in record time—or maybe it was just that time seemed to race by when she was with him—and Lily strode through the portrait hole, James at her side, to find the common room in full party mode, music blaring, charmed lights flashing, drinks flowing.

"Look who it is," Sirius called from across the room, falling into an exaggerated bow, "deciding to grace us with their Headly presence."

Lily rolled her eyes as James snagged a couple bottles from the drinks table and then followed her by the hand toward their clump of friends.

Everyone was in good spirits, Remus and Peter working on setting up a goblets area, Sirius and Mary trying to charm a deck of Exploding Snap cards, an endeavor which James immediately joined. Lily spotted Dahlia in the armchair by the fire, nursing a Butterbeer, and Dahlia immediately waved her over, patting the extra space beside her.

"Where's Marlene?" Lily asked, nestling back into the chair and putting her feet up on its ottoman, feet crossed at the ankles. Dahlia adjusted next to her, leaning back into her crook of the chair and draping her legs over Lily's lap and across the arm.

"Damage control," she said with a wink, and Lily followed her gaze across the way, where Marlene was in an intense-looking conversation with one of Adelaide's sixth-year friends, Melody Padgett. From the looks of things, Marlene was in her full no-nonsense, Queen Bee mode—a rare sight, as she was generally pleasant with most everyone, but one that came out when necessary. Lily, for one, had never wanted to be on the other side of it, as getting a taste of it just the week before had reminded her.

"Is Adelaide here?"

Dahlia shook her head. "Nah, she went upstairs after you left. Marly went up and told her she shouldn't bother showing her face until she's ready to ready to give you a sincere apology, and now I think Mel just tried to intervene."

"Looks like she might be regretting that," Lily commented, seeing Marlene flip her glossy chestnut hair over her shoulder as she stood with hands on her hips and lips moving a mile a minute, her blonde adversary seeming to shrink in front of her.

Dahlia squeezed Lily's arm. "I felt so proud of you, watching you call her out like that."

Lily flushed. "Thanks? It was all kind of a blur, to be honest."

"Well, you looked fierce, even if you didn't feel it." Dahlia's smile faded. "I'm sorry she said that about you. I know she's never been particularly nice to you, but that was a whole new level of low."

Lily swallowed thickly, letting her head sink back into the armchair as she shifted her gaze back over to James, mid-laugh with Sirius. "I just hate how she can make me feel so…insecure."

"What I hate is that she does it on purpose. That's what makes it cruel."

Lily sipped her mead slowly. "Yeah, I s'pose that's true."

"Lil?" Dahlia turned her head, looking at Lily thoughtfully. "Can I confess something?"

Her drink froze mid-way to her mouth. "Er—yes?"

Dahlia took a deep breath. "Last year, for awhile, you made me feel insecure."

Lily's mouth dropped, but before she could get any words out, Dahlia was explaining, "I know it wasn't on purpose, obviously, you had no idea—but I just—I know what it's like for another girl have that effect on you, and I know how I got over it."

She gaped a moment more, then said weakly, "I'm listening."

Dahlia nodded. "I was in such a bad place. Bertram had cheated on me, my heart was broken, which you know, and then he started to play these…games. And I felt like I couldn't tell you girls about it, because I was afraid of being judged, and then I felt so…out of control. Just not…myself. And you were just so…together. All the bloody time. You're fit, and beautiful, and smart, and you always looked so radiant, like you were just having fun with life. And then you had blokes swarming around you, asking you out all the time, and when it got out that Chuck had been playing you, you just stepped on him like he was a fucking fly and upgraded to Eddie."

Lily swallowed hard, her mind churning; that's what it had all looked like from the outside?

"You had it all—"

"I looked like I had it all," Lily corrected.

Dahlia smiled wryly over her Butterbeer. "That's all it takes, though, isn't it?"

Lily took another drink, thinking that over. "You said you…got past it?"

Dahlia nodded. "Yeah. James distracted me from Bertram, and the more I got over him, the more I realized that if I was feeling insecure around you, it was because I was jealous. And then I had to pinpoint what I was jealous about, and I realized it was your confidence. You didn't take any shit from anybody. You still don't. And when Chuck treated you like shit, you just ditched him like it didn't even bother you. Like you knew you were worth more than that, and so you went out and got it—with Eddie. I had been so down on myself, blaming myself for everything that had gone wrong with Bertram and thinking I was somehow this failure of a person. But eventually I realized I didn't need to be jealous of you if I had that kind of confidence about myself and my own life, and I just, sort of, found it again after that. And once I did, I didn't feel insecure around you anymore. I just admired you."

Lily stared at her, eyes starting to mist over. "It bothered me. When I found out about Chuck. I sobbed in the library, and Eddie found me. And then with Eddie…I really liked him, I did, but I should have broken it off sooner. I knew I wasn't in love with him, I knew we were better as friends, but I felt so much pressure, and I was confused, and a total coward, really."

Dahlia gave her a weak smile. "What's that saying, about other people's silent battles?"

Lily chuckled dryly, then frowned. "I'm sorry. That I made you feel that way."

Her friend shook her head. "Don't be. It was never about you, it was about me. Which is why I think Adelaide must be deeply, horribly jealous of you, and not just about James, though that's obviously part of it."

"So you think, if she makes me feel insecure, then I'm jealous of something about her?"

"That's generally how I think insecurity goes, yes."

Lily sighed, looking out over the room, taking in the friendships, the cliques. "I guess she makes me feel like…an outsider."

Dahlia said thoughtfully, "I can see that. But remember who's here and who's not, yeah?"

Lily met her friend's eyes, soft in the flickering candlelight and held out her bottle for a clink. "Cheers, Dahl."

A familiar voice asked, "And what are you witches gossiping about in the middle of the party?"

Lily looked up to see James bending over them, hands bracing on the arms of the chair and cheeky grin plastered on his face.

"Not gossiping," Dahlia answered, "negotiating."

He cocked a brow. "Oh?"

"I think the Head students' inner circle gets immunity for sneaking out after curfew, don't you?"

Lily hid her smile behind her mead as Dahlia flashed her a wink.

James laughed. "Well, it would be preferable if our inner circle didn't get caught in the first place, hmm?"

Dahlia furrowed her brow, as if she were deliberating. "That can probably be managed," she said, staring to smile slyly, "since my boyfriend's a prefect."

James's face broke into a grin—"Congrats, Dahl"—and Lily beamed at her friend. "You could have mentioned that sooner!"

Dahlia only shrugged. "I figured I'd save the details for our dorm."

James's eyes darted between them. "Girls are scary, you know that?"

Dahlia cast Lily a knowing look, tilting her Butterbeer bottle. "You did always say he was a good snog, Lil."

James started, "I don't—"

Lily clinked Dahlia's bottle with her own. "And you did say James was a good shag."

"Okay—"

She looked up at her boyfriend's face, the mixture of awkward and amusement. "Are we making you uncomfortable?" she asked sweetly, hearing Dahlia giggle beside her.

James sighed, looking between the two of them again. "You know what, no. I'd much rather you two be friends than not, so if you want to, I don't know, swap some more notes"—Dahlia snorted Butterbeer through her nose—"then be my guest."

Lily rubbed his arm affectionately. "Thanks, babe."

He nodded toward her near-empty mead. "That your first drink?"

Her eyes widened, remembering their plan, for which she'd done zero work. "Um, yeah."

James must have read her face, probably had already been watching her with Dahlia, because he just smiled and said, "C'mon, get another with me."

And she let him help pull each of them up by the hand before she smiled back at Dahlia with a mouthed thank you, to which her friend merely winked before setting off to join the others.

"Okay," James murmured, steering her toward the drinks table, "but what were you two really talking about?"

"What?" Lily asked innocently. "Can't two girlfriends have a heart-to-heart?"

James gave her a scrutinizing look before plucking the bottle from her hand, finishing it in one gulp, and leaving it on a table of empties. "Fine, have your girl secrets."

Lily leaned up to kiss his cheek. "Only good things, I promise."

"Yeah, yeah." But she didn't miss the little smile tugging at his mouth after that, and he slid an arm around her shoulders. "They're going to meet us outside the portrait hole in five."

She walked with him through it, into the dark corridor of Gryffindor Landing, ignoring the Fat Lady's loud harrumph at being interrupted from her gabbing with her friend from another portrait. "Five minutes, hmm?"

"Mhmm." James pushed her gently against the wall. "I needed a few to myself first."

He pressed his lips against hers, and Lily melted into his kiss, fingers immediately finding his hair, chest immediately arching into his as his hands pulled her by the waist.

"Good heavens, it is true!"

James broke away from her mouth to turn to the Fat Lady's portrait. "What's true?"

"The Head Students!" the other painted woman exclaimed. "Together!"

The Fat Lady patted her arm soothingly. "Yes, Vi, I told you that before, remember?"

"Yes, well, that's different than seeing it with my own eyes."

Lily sighed impatiently, pulling James's face back to hers. "Keep kissing me."

James smiled against her mouth before he obliged, and he was just starting to deepen their kiss when the portrait swung forward with a surprised yelp from the Fat Lady and Sirius exclaimed, "Oi! Do you two ever stop snogging?"

James pulled away for the second time, leaving Lily's lips tingling and body aching, and told Sirius simply, "Now that she wants to snog me? Are you mental?"

Mary laughed next to Sirius. "Well, put it back in your pants, both of you—we have a job to do."

That they did, so Lily fell in step with Mary, following behind the boys, who led them downstairs through the elf passages and then out the front door, heads constantly turning and scanning for any signs of movement, though none presented itself.

High on the rush of adrenaline that came with sneaking out of the castle at night, Lily practically skipped down the grounds, arm-in-arm with Mary as they giggled on the way.

"Merlin," Sirius swore, "you'd think you two have never broken a school rule before."

"Well," Mary countered, "maybe we'd break some more if you boys invited us along to all your fun, yeah?"

"I did tell James your pranks would have been far better if you'd consulted me," Lily contributed.

Sirius scowled at her. "Rude, Evans. Our pranks are legendary, our knowledge of this castle is unmatched—"

She only rolled her eyes. "Please. You might have found secret passageways, but you didn't even know Moaning Myrtle—"

"Unfair, she lives in a girls lavatory—"

"Like you haven't gone in girls lavatories before?"

"It was one time—"

"Think Myrtle'd help us for real, though?"

"Is this the ghost you're friends with, Lil?"

"She might if there's something in it for her, and I suppose we're sort of friends—"

"Why do I feel like I don't trust her?"

"Stop being so judgmental, Sirius."

"What? Her name's Moaning Myrtle—"

"Alright, let's do this."

Lily cut off her retort to Sirius as James pulled open the door to the boys' locker room, anticipation filling her to the brim. She'd never been inside this room, and as she crossed the threshold, taking in the rows of lockers, the haphazard Quidditch gear, and the lingering smell of sweaty boy that seemed to permeate the air despite the house-elves' obvious work in the empty hampers and laundered towels, Lily thought it was rather anticlimactic. She followed the boys around a row of lockers to the back, where a small hallway led to the lavatory and showers—

And there it was: a blackboard covering nearly an entire wall and filled with writing that looked like it had been done in white chalk, though there was not a single smudge to be had. There wasn't a heading, but there was a box to the side that appeared to be a rubric of sorts.

O = Outstanding Oral
E = Exceeds Erotic Expectations
A = Acceptable Head
P = Poor Effort
D = Dreadful Dick Handling
T = Troll. Just troll.

Lily turned, meeting Mary's disgusted eyes, and then faced James. "This is barbaric."

He ran a hand through his hair, face looking sheepish. "It was also started before our time, so..."

"No blaming us," Sirius finished for him, waggling his finger at Mary and Lily as he sauntered toward the chalkboard. Lily crossed her arms as he picked up a piece of chalk from the holder and held it up. "Charmed chalk," he told them. "Once you write, there's no erasing."

Lily arched a brow. "Better grade Mary right, then."

Sirius flashed the girls a crooked grin and then found his name, under which there were a handful of girls listed.

Mary stepped closer, the disdain clear in her voice as she said, "You let Olivia Green go down on you?"

Sirius just shrugged and said, "Everyone makes mistakes, Mac." And then he pointed to a name not far from his own, under which Mary's name was written in a messy scrawl with the letter E next to her name. "William Corner? Really?"

Mary's cheeks pinked as she muttered, "And here I thought no one knew about that."

James grimaced. "Nah, we all knew."

"We also knew about that"—Sirius pointed to Benjy Fenwick's name—"before you two got caught in the showers."

Mary's mouth dropped open, and Lily stifled a giggle, remembering when that whole story had broke the prior year. The news of Gryffindor's Keeper and Seeker not-so-secretly shagging had ripped through the school and dominated the Hogwarts news cycle, partially because of the number of Quidditch-themed innuendos it inspired.

Sirius held his chalk to the board, writing in a much cleaner script than Lily ever saw him use in Potions, Mary Macdonald—O (every time). Lily elbowed Mary in the ribs, seeing her friend try to bite back her beaming smile. Sirius turned around, eyes only for Mary, and absurdly, for the first time she could remember, Lily got what Mary saw: Sirius was hot. And not because he was, she assumed, as fit as James under that jumper, and not because his dark hair fell thickly into his eyes after he ran his hand through it, but because when he looked at Mary, all his haughtiness fell away. It was like everything softened: his eyes, the lines of his face, the smile that pulled at his mouth, not his usual boisterous grin but just a small smirk, like they were sharing an inside joke.

"There's no topping you, Mare."

Lily's eyes widened as she looked up between them and then caught James's eye, his face a mirror of her own surprise. Mary had been Mac since they'd been young, always a tomboy wanting to shed as much of the girly finery her mum had tried to impress upon her as possible, including her first name. ("And Quidditch stars don't go by first names," she remembered Mary telling her, "they're known by last names or nicknames. So if I'm going to be a Quidditch star someday, I'm going to start acting like one.") For Sirius to call her something different made Lily feel like she'd intruded upon something intimate, and she thought, from the way James and Sirius shared a look and Mary blushed just then, that they all rather felt the same way.

But no one said anything about it, and James simply took the chalk from Sirius and approached the board, his name not far from his friend's. Lily's stomach lurched as she saw the only name he'd put there: Adelaide Selwyn—E. James looked back at her, rolling the chalk in his fingers, a strangely thoughtful look on his face. But then he turned back to the board, and she held her breath as she watched him write the letters of her name: Lily Evans. Inexplicable butterflies seemed to unleash in her stomach, and not for the first time, she wished she could save those letters, keep her name in his writing somewhere she could look at it whenever she wanted.

His hand hovered and then dropped down to his side.

"Don't tell me you have to think that hard," Lily snapped.

Sirius snorted. "Bloke can't think when you're around, Swish."

Mary scoffed next to her. "Grading your girlfriend shouldn't require thinking at all."

James glared at them over his shoulder, quelling their commentary, and then raised his hand again and began writing next to Lily's name. What's even better than O? I.

Lily's heart fluttered as Mary smirked, "Trust James to make up a new letter for ya, Lil."

Sirius was chuckling. "Way to show us all up, Prongs."

James glanced over his shoulder again, smiling this time, and then moved over toward the rubric box and wrote in, above the top line, I = Incomparably Incredible.

Though Sirius was faux-gagging in the background, Lily couldn't help the smile that spread over her face as James turned around, seeking her eyes like he was seeking her approval. "You're ridiculous, Potter."

He grinned, setting the chalk on the ledge and then coming straight up to her, ignoring Sirius and Mary's presence entirely as he cupped her cheeks. "And you're perfect—"

"Alright," Sirius broke in, "let's go, lovebirds."

"—but P was already taken—"

"Could've picked F," Mary suggested. "For future wife."

A flush rose around Lily's neck, and she shot Mary a warning look, but her friend just winked and turned to follow Sirius toward the door. Looking back at James, Lily saw he was chewing his lip, a rare hint of a blush in his own cheeks. At a complete loss for words, Lily did the only thing she wanted to do, and pushed up on her tiptoes to kiss him. James responded instantly, lips melting into hers, and—

"Oi! We have a party to get back to."

She pulled back slowly, biting her lip. "We should go with them."

James only breathed, "Yeah," his eyes still focused on her lips.

Mary called, "I'm not going to hold this door all night!" and that seemed to break him from his trance. Finding her hand, James squeezed and pulled her toward the door, and with one last look around the locker room, eyes peeled for any movement in the shadows, Lily followed him.

xxx

Back in the common room, Lily took a shot with the three of them, a silent toast to their secret mission. They'd agreed not to tell anyone about what they'd done until they found out if Hogwarts Hearsay reported on it, because they couldn't rule out that someone in Gryffindor was the author, and if the update to the board was going to spread, they wanted it to happen organically.

Lily grabbed a bottle of mead to wash the whisky down, and then Sirius clapped James on the shoulder with a, "Let's go challenge those losers that keep winning, yeah?"

She laughed with Mary, seeing them make off toward goblets, where Remus and Peter were high-fiving and whooping loudly in celebration, the crowd's yells increasing as James and Sirius approached, suddenly walking with their cocky swagger as they worked the crowd.

"Why do we like them?" Mary sighed.

Lily took a deep drink. "Because they're stupidly attractive even when they're like this?"

Marlene appeared on Lily's other side, face flushed. "Who, our boys?"

They all watched as James followed up what was surely a cheeky piece of trash talk with sinking his shot through a hoop, Sirius wolf-whistled, and Remus and Peter chugged their goblets, giving their opponents their middle fingers the whole time.

Marlene mused, "They are rather idiots when they're not busy being sweet, aren't they?"

Lily supposed that was one way of putting it.

"Anyway, you doing alright, Lil?"

"Yeah, I'm good"—Marlene's eyes narrowed—"Really."

Her friend nodded. "I talked to her, gave her a piece of my mind. She's still upstairs."

Lily smiled wryly. "I saw you talking to Mel earlier."

Marlene rolled her eyes, not even bothering to check if any that crowd was around before she said, "What a fucking piece of work. It's honestly disgraceful that there's people in Gryffindor who don't understand why blood prejudice is a problem. Right under my fucking nose—"

Lily only took a slow sip of her drink, unsure what to say. Truthfully, she'd always thought there must be Gryffindors who fell on that side of the coin, only because she'd faced so much prejudice since joining the wizarding world that she'd learned it really had seeped into all sorts of nooks and crannies of people.

"—I swear," Marlene was gabbing on, "if she doesn't apologize to you this weekend, I'm going to fucking boil her"—Lily choked on her mead, not sure she'd ever heard Marlene be so violent before—"and if this isn't in Hogwarts Hearsay come Monday, I'll be convinced it's her."

Mary spluttered over her own drink before hissing, "You think it's Selwyn?"

Marlene shrugged. "Yeah, why not? She has the money, the connections, and the gossipy friends, but even more than that, she has motive to lash out at Lily."

Mary frowned. "Not to be totally mean, but—is she smart enough to pull something like that off?"

Lily shrugged. "She's a prefect, so I assume she's smart."

"Book smart, sure," Mary countered, "but like, their kind of smart?" She nodded toward the Gryffindor boys, still playing, though the number of goblets on the table was dwindling.

Marlene pursed her lips. "Ladie does have a tendency to be rash…"

Mary rolled her eyes and grumbled, "Well, that's a polite way of saying she runs headfirst into bad decisions."

Lily chewed her lip, thinking back to what James had told her just earlier that evening. Which is why I initially told her to keep me updated, so I could at least tell her off before she did anything stupid. Apparently, the rest of them were much more familiar with her bad decision making than Lily was, but then again, she'd always focused on not paying attention to Adelaide.

A sudden thought occurred to her. "Where was she on Halloween?"

Marlene and Mary stared at each other. "I don't remember seeing her," Mary said first. "Me either."

Lily looked at Marlene pointedly. "Well, did she have an invite to Slughorn's?"

Marlene shook her head, looking troubled. "I don't remember ever hearing one way or the other."

Deafening cheers exploded from the side of the room, but Lily didn't look to see who had won, her mind suddenly racing with the idea that Adelaide Selwyn was behind Hogwarts Hearsay. She exchanged a meaningful look with Mary, who only shrugged and said, "Guess we'll find out."

"Well," Marlene said with a wicked smile, "she's not down here tonight to snoop, so it's time to get wild, bitches."

Mary laughed. "You trying to get wasted, Marly?"

"I mean, I think we all need it, after last weekend."

"Amen to that," Lily added.

"Think James would be game for some body shots, Lil?"

"I think he'd faint if you even brought up the idea," Mary teased.

Lily was still giggling when an elbow hooked around her neck, a familiar chest pressing into her back, and she smiled wider as she tried to carry on her conversation with Marlene and Mary while nuzzling back into the arm now encasing her. Her friends only rolled their eyes good-naturedly and snagged Lily's near-empty bottle of mead from her hand, Marlene saying with a wink, "We'll get refills."

Lily turned to face James, already staring down at her with twinkling eyes.

"Yes, boyfriend?"

His grin widened as he tilted his face down to hers, pulling her closer against his chest and slipping his other hand inside her cardigan to hold her waist. "We lost. And I missed you."

Lily arched a playful brow. "We just spent two hours downstairs earlier."

"And before that, we spent over twenty-four hours apart," he murmured, his lips ghosting her cheek. "That's a lot of time to make up."

She slid her hands up his sides, the hard muscle of his torso sending fluttery zings up her arms and straight to her stomach as she melted into him, powerless against the purr of his voice and the strong hold of his arms. "Might as well get started now, then," she murmured back.

The corner of his mouth quirked up in a smile. "I like how you think, Evans."

Her fingers dug into the fabric of his shirt. "And I like how you kiss, Potter."

She could practically see his ego light up as his eyes sparkled and his mouth spread into that lazy grin that made her go weak in the knees. "Is that right?"

She fixed him with as blazing a look as she could muster under her lashes. "Obviously."

His nose nudged against hers. "Can I kiss you right now?"

Her temper flared. "James"—his eyes searched hers, a trace of panic behind them—"stop fucking asking me that and just do it."

He hesitated only a moment, like his brain was catching up in processing what she'd said, and then he muttered, "So hot when you're bossy," before covering her mouth with his.

Lily wasn't sure what she'd expected from James just then, but it wasn't this. From the moment they'd first seen each other hours before on Gryffindor Landing after a day spent apart, tension had crackled in their air between them, all of her attraction and desire for him seeming to hit her anew, and as soon as they'd talked it out in their office, their kisses had been instantly frantic before they'd taken the frenzy of their mouths to other destinations. But now, though that tension still felt like it surrounded them thicker than ever, though just the proximity of his body sent flutters of pleasure rippling down her limbs, James's kiss was painfully, deliciously slow.

He tasted like mead and felt like fire, and the deliberateness of his movements made her limbs lazy, like she was moving in slow motion as she curled her fingers into his shirt, pushed up on her tiptoes, matched the unhurried pace of his lips. His head tilted farther, mouth opened wider, and she followed his lead, new heat building in her stomach as she felt his hands splay against her back and thread through her hair to cradle her head as his tongue found hers with a languid caress.

Later, Marlene would tell her that it was the steamiest kiss she'd ever witnessed, that the fifth- and sixth-year cliques openly gawked, and that her and James looked like they were going to make out so long that Remus paused goblets to procure himself a bowl of kettle corn; Mary would say that her and Sirius had been legitimately concerned Lily and James had forgotten where they were and had started planning a diversion in case they started doing anything too licentious; and Dahlia, who had been filled in with explicit detail via Marlene, would wink and remind her, "Like I said, Lil—romance."

But in that moment, Lily didn't hear anything except their mingled breath and the blood rushing in her ears, didn't know anything except the arms holding her securely against a marble-hard body and the lips lingering with hers. She slid one hand up his chest and around his neck, dragging her nails in a slow scratch against his hairline, and the faintest trace of a groan sounded from James's throat as he pulled her more flush against his body. Lily gasped against his mouth as his burgeoning arousal pressed into her stomach, sending new waves of lust rolling over her, and then James grazed her bottom lip with his teeth and she was spiraling, dizzy, needy—

A touch on her arm that was decidedly not James jolted her from her trance, and she tore her mouth from James to whip her head around and see Mary, smiling something wicked.

"We're playing a game," Mary said without preamble. "And you lovers get to go first."

"What—"

But Mary was dragging Lily and James by the arms toward the front of the common room, saying playfully, "I think you're both familiar…?"

Lily rolled her eyes, her ears finally tuning to the catcalls and laughter from the common room as Mary led them to their destination: an old wardrobe not far from the portrait hole and the notice board, officially there to store spare cloaks and lost items, and unofficially the place where couples were charmed inside for seven minutes at a time.

Mary pulled open the wardrobe door with a creak, and James stepped in first, pushing the few spare cloaks to the side.

"Seven minutes," Mary admonished, prodding Lily into the wardrobe behind James. "And then maybe you'll be fit to rejoin public society."

James laughed over his shoulder. "It was a snog, Mac."

Mary rolled her eyes. "If that's what you call being about to shag in public. I'm doing you goons a favor. Seven minutes."

The wardrobe door shut with a snap and Lily turned, giggling, as James pulled her against him and found her neck in the dark.

"I forgot—about this wardrobe," she gasped.

James squeezed her waist, his lips hot on her skin. "I had my first kiss in this wardrobe."

"Me too."

She felt him freeze against her, then pull his head back, and Lily found the glint of his eye in the dark.

"Who was yours?" he asked softly.

Lily chuckled at the memory. "Benjy Fenwick, fifth year, playing this fucking game."

Her eyes had since adjusted, so she didn't miss the way his mouth fell open. "I never knew you and him—"

She shook her head, cutting him off as she smoothed her hands over his chest. "It was one party game make-out, that was all." Her eyes narrowed. "Though I am surprised you didn't know, with Quidditch and everything."

James shrugged under her hands. "Everyone knew I liked you, so if they talked about it, they didn't do it around me."

A strange pang of guilt hit her then. He'd liked her. Really liked her. She'd known then that he'd fancied her, but she'd always written it off as a game, as not real feelings. But now that she felt them back, she suddenly understood what he must have gone through all that time, the pain he must have withstood from watching her go out with boy after boy that wasn't him. It made her heart ache and her insides twist uncomfortably just thinking about it.

She forced her thoughts back to what he'd told her in another closet in the castle. "And yours was…Greta?"

James nodded. "Yeah. Same game."

Lily frowned. "You told me your first kiss wasn't in a broom closet."

"And it wasn't," James defended. "It was in a wardrobe. There's a difference."

"Ah, yes," Lily joked, "it smells of musty, abandoned cloaks instead of musty, dirty mops."

James chuckled but nuzzled his nose around hers before saying softly, "I thought about you. During."

Her stomach somersaulted. "Me?"

"Lil, don't be thick." His fingers left her waist to thread in her hair, cup her neck. "I proposed to you fourth year. I've never been able to keep my head around you. Of course I thought about you during my first kiss. All I wanted to do after that was kiss you."

She chewed her lip, that strange guilty feeling swirling again. "And instead you watched me go on dates with other blokes that asked after I turned you down."

Her stomach twisted as she remembered the stupid satisfaction she'd felt in landing self-righteous blows to his ego, though he'd never shown that it bothered him. It had been a game, nothing but a dumb, adolescent game, a way to banter through the weird, competitive tension they'd had growing up—or so she'd told herself.

James must have heard the pained note to her voice, understood that hindsight was catching up to her like a sudden tidal wave, because his fingers slid from her neck to gently tilt her chin. "Hey. We were kids, Lily. Yeah, you hurt my feelings, but then I also hurt yours." He shook his head. "I was an idiot. You watched me fuck around with Ladie, and if I had known—"

"It doesn't matter," she cut him off gently, not wanting to reopen that wound. "That was last year."

His thumb swept back and forth over her chin. "I am sorry, Lil. I know I apologized on the train, but—I mean it. I really am sorry. For that day after O.W.L.s ended, for the fight after, for never apologizing to you, for acting like a—fuck, I don't even—"

"Arrogant git?"

James sighed. "Yeah, that probably sums it up."

Lily slid her hands around his middle, pressing her chest against his as she looked up at him in the dark. "Well, apology accepted. Again."

James chuckled and pressed his lips to her forehead.

"I forgive you," Lily murmured.

He ducked his head down, tilting her chin towards his face, so close she could feel his breath on her mouth. "Let me make it up to you? Again?"

But before she could answer, he pressed his lips against hers, something slow and sweet—

With a soft click followed by a rush of common room noise, the wardrobe door opened, but Lily just reached behind her for the door handle and pulled it back shut, promptly cutting off their friends' laughter. A flash of blue light told her they reset the game's timer on the door, and she pulled away from James's mouth long enough to tease, "You have seven minutes, Potter."

He spun her around, pressing her against the back of the wardrobe with his body as his hands roamed over her chest, and growled into her neck, "I've gotten you in less."

Wait. "You want to—here?"

But one of his hands was already sliding up her leg, under her skirt, and his mouth was hot on her ear as he purred, "I always want to make you come, Evans."

She didn't know what did it, whether it was that Evans or those fingers already skimming over the top of her knickers or the carnal knowledge of just what he could do to her, but whatever it was, it made something in her snap, and after a whispered, "Fuck," she kissed him hard and reached for his waistband, swiftly undoing his trousers with one hand while she squeezed him with the other.

James groaned into her mouth, pushing his hips toward her hands even as his own fingers stroked a knowing path over the outside of her knickers. His fly open, Lily pulled down the waistband of his boxers and took him in her grasp, feeling her own arousal simmer in her blood as she held that familiar, smooth thickness in her hand.

His lips broke from hers as his own heated fuck escaped him and he ducked his head into her neck, slatting his legs with hers as his hips rocked into her grip. Lily wound her other hand into his hair, her only anchor as her legs weakened and her head swam and her hand worked its natural rhythm.

"James—"

She heard the whine in her voice, but there was nothing for it; his teasing was unbearable.

"Is this what you want?" The touch of his fingers to her entrance sent a shudder up her spine, and James chuckled through his ministrations to her neck. "I'll take that as a yes."

A flash of exasperation escaped her. "James, you know—"

But the slightest dip of his finger dissolved any remaining lucid thoughts into nothing but pure want. Even though he was smothering all of her senses—his body encasing hers, his legs pillars underneath her, his smell filling her nose, his heat radiating through her skin—she still somehow craved more. More fingers, more kisses, more sweet nothings, more James.

She could feel his smile against her neck as he echoed, "I know."

A whimper bubbled out of her mouth and she squeezed harder as she tugged him, her hand now sliding faster as her palm slicked with his leaking moisture. His smile disappeared, replaced with the graze of teeth as he stifled a groan.

"James—"

He swore under his breath, something incomprehensible, but then his fingers slipped inside her and he started, "Say my name like that again and I'll—"

She didn't even have to try; it was just there, on her lips, as natural as breathing: all of her craving to be utterly smothered by him, wrapped up into one whimpering, "James."

His thumb went immediately for the kill, sending a strangled cry flying from her mouth.

"Fucking hell, baby." His lips grazed her jaw, his breath tickling her cheek, as he kissed his way to her ear. "This is what you like, isn't it?"

Lily could only whimper, her brain entirely mush when he did whatever he did with his fingers like that, stroking and circling in a precise rhythm. It was like every touch had a purpose, every synchronized movement nudging her closer, and she was utterly helpless against unraveling.

James pulled gently on her earlobe with his teeth, then whispered, "I want to feel you come, love."

She moaned softly, tightening her grip on his hair, his cock—

"Fuck, Lil. Your hand's so fucking good."

His breath hitched in her ear, and Lily sighed into his neck, working him in steady strokes as her own climax started building. "James, I'm—fuck, I'm so into you."

He groaned at that, his fingers stumbling for the first time as he momentarily lost his rhythm in thrusting into her grasp. "Oh—yes, baby—more, at the top, fuck, just like that."

Lily followed his directions, sweeping her thumb around his head, and the moan that elicited went straight to her own arousal. She knew James felt it by the immediate swear into her ear, by the renewed precision of his fingers as he increased his pressure on her, every stroke even, every circle deliberate.

"James—oh, fuck—" Her thighs were starting to tremble, her knees going weak, and James had noticed, because—

"Use my leg." James shifted his weight to press one knee against the wall behind her, giving Lily space to sit on his thigh, and he braced himself against the wall above her as he looked down at her, eyes shining black orbs in the dark. "Come on, come for me."

Lily let her eyes close and then, the distraction of her weakening legs abated, focused on the heated knot growing inside her, on the twitching length in her hand. "I'm close, babe—"

Her voice sounded whiny, needy, and James's breath was increasingly ragged, his own voice husky as he murmured, "That's it, love. I'm not long for it—I'll go when you go."

She could only whimper, her rising pressure consuming her whole being, and her hand slowed as she squirmed on James's leg, teetering near the edge.

"Your fucking noises," James swore under his breath. "I could come just from listening to you moan, Lil."

She didn't have the words to tell him she thought his voice might push her over the edge before his thumb did, so she let another whimpering moan escape her as her eyes squinted shut. James groaned in response, the sound even more erotic in the darkness of the wardrobe, and Lily was right up against her edge, his fingers keeping her in a blissful purgatory, ready to snap—

"James," she gasped, "talk to me—I'm right there."

She could hear the smile in his voice, but he didn't question her, didn't waste any time with the flirtatious banter she knew he'd otherwise give—he just ducked his head closer to her ear, dropping his voice even lower. "Let go, love. I got you. Come for me—"

"James, that—"

He locked into that little stroke she liked and picked up his pace. "That's it, love—"

Her fingers tightened where she still held onto him, her nails digging into his neck as her whole body tensed. "Oh—oh, fuck—"

James growled, something low in his throat, and brushed his lips over her forehead. "Yes, baby, c'mon"—she was dangling by a thread, every touch a new threat to breaking—"you feel perfect, you are perfect"—her eyes scrunched, a whimper falling from her open mouth—"fuck, I love you"—Lily froze a millisecond before her climax peaked, overtaking her in a shudder and whimpering cry—"there it is, fuck yes"—he slowed his fingers, though he still stroked her gently as heady, warm pleasure rushed through her veins—"fuck, I love making you come—"

She might have thought more about that word again—love—if it weren't for the twitch in her hand and the decreasing blue glow of the door frame, but as it was, lust beyond her control had overflowed her mind, was steering her body, and she increased the slick pace of her hand, moaned a soft, "James," wanting him with her in blissful release.

He withdrew his fingers, and Lily really didn't know what possessed her to do it, had never before, not even once, ever thought about doing this, but in that moment, she released his neck to grab his hand and then took his fingers in her mouth.

"Fuck—what the fuck"—she sucked on his fingers as she worked him with her other hand, fighting a smile as she heard the surprise, the breathlessness in his voice—"you're my dream, Evans—my fucking dream"—she pulled her mouth away, then licked the pads of his fingers still hovering in front of her and watched his eyes flutter closed—"baby, don't stop, don't stop—"

"James, come for me—"

The blue light of the charm was fading fast, but Lily could feel him thickening in her hand.

"Love, love, fuck"—his voice changed, turning into a whine, as his whole body went rigid against her—"I'm co—oh, I'm coming—love—"

The smart thing to do would have been to cover him, but in that moment, Lily only wanted to make him explode, so in that flash of seconds following his words, she pumped him harder, hand slippery, wrist twisting to the slick sounds of skin on skin—

James came with a raw cry, the heat of his release spraying across her shirt and trickling down her chest, and Lily worked him through it, feeling another wave of that liquid heat spill over her hand and run down her arm. He collapsed against her, bracing against the wardrobe behind her and breathing hard, and Lily pressed her free hand to his chest, the race of his heart a wild drum beneath her palm.

"James—"

He only grunted a reply before pulling the waistband of his briefs back up over himself and then promptly stumbling back against the side wall of the wardrobe and sliding down to the floor, head between his knees. Lily followed suit, not feeling up to supporting her own weight now that James's leg was gone from under her, and she was just thinking that the air seemed slightly cooler down toward the bottom of the wardrobe when the door swung open and Lily's eyes landed on a familiar pair of shoes.

"What the—fuck, really, guys?"

Lily knew he could smell their tryst, and she forced herself to look up, but when she did she found Sirius gazing down at James in concern. "Prongs, you alright?"

James lifted his head, resting against the back of the wardrobe, and rubbed his eyes under his glasses as he mumbled, "Came too hard."

Sirius's eyes shot over to Lily, giving her a quick once-over before he averted his eyes and clambered into the wardrobe, pulling the door shut behind him and muttering, "Bloody hell. I don't suppose either of you have your wands?"

With his own wand, Sirius doused the wardrobe in a refreshing burst of chilly air and then a flood of light, making Lily and James both squint. Lily just flashed Sirius a sheepish smile. "Left mine upstairs like the girls." James held his hands up briefly, as if to say, why would I?

Sirius crossed his arms, lording over the both of them as he scolded, "And you didn't think about how you'd clean up your girlfriend after jacking it all over her?"

"Didn't do much thinking at all, really," James sighed.

"Well, that's obvious—"

"It was my fault," Lily interjected.

Sirius arched a brow. "Was it, now?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Always the tone of surprise."

He pointed his wand at her, momentarily extinguishing the light to vanish James's release from all over her front before lighting it up again.

"Looks like you've had some practice with that spell," Lily teased.

A sly grin tugged on the corner of Sirius's mouth. "Just say thank you and we'll forget I had to do that."

Lily smirked at him. "Thanks, Black."

"Prongs." Sirius's brow knit together. "You're looking a little flushed."

James was tugging at his hair, and Lily rather had to agree. Granted, he always flushed after he came, but this seemed different. Her heart leapt into her throat, thinking she knew exactly what might be replaying in his mind, and she reached for him, cupping the back of his arm, seeing his jaw clench as his eyes shifted between her and Sirius.

"Just, um"—he cleared his throat—"feeling a little woozy, is all. No oxygen in here."

He slowly pushed up to his feet, doing up his fly but leaving his shirt untucked.

"I'm gonna pop upstairs, I'll be back."

And without a backward glance, he opened the wardrobe door and disappeared into the party.

"Well," Sirius said simply, looking after him. "That was weird."

Lily stood up slowly, feeling a little woozy herself, and brushed down the front of her skirt.

"He, erm—" She broke off, near positive she knew exactly what James was internally panicking about—which she was now also internally panicking about—but she wasn't sure if it was something she should tell Sirius.

Sirius raised his brows. "He what?"

Lily swallowed hard, replaying that moment in her head. "Might've…said something."

To her surprise, Sirius's face softened. "He told you he loves you."

It wasn't a question. Lily just gaped at him.

Sirius's brow knitted in scrutiny. "Did you say it back?"

Her shocked silence must have been answer enough, because Sirius let out a long breath, his cheeks puffing out as he looked out over the common room. Lily waited, still dumbfounded and far from regathering her wits, if she was being honest, and after a moment, Sirius said quietly, "He's loved you for a long time, Lily."

His use of her first name caught her attention; she wasn't sure Sirius had ever sounded so…gentle before. Fixing his gray eyes on hers, he went on, "And fine, was it real love when we were fucking fourth years and he was proposing with fucking Apple Rings? Maybe not, I don't know. But I do know that he's always cared about you. Even last year, when you guys were…whatever that was, you know he still would have dropped everything, done anything for you if you'd needed it. And now that you fancy him back? Now that he has a real chance with you?" Sirius chuckled dryly, shaking his head. "He's in this, Lily. He told me he loved you weeks ago."

Lily sucked in a breath, eyes wide. "He—weeks?"

Sirius nodded, his face suddenly set as he regarded her. "Look, I know we've never been close, and I want you to know I do think of you as a friend. But if you break his heart—"

Lily shook her heard, her throat suddenly thick. "I care about him, Sirius. I do."

He studied her a moment longer, then nodded, a faint smile playing on his mouth.

A high-pitched voice Lily didn't know asked shrilly, "Are you two going to play, or…?"

Lily's eyes snapped forward to that fifth year—Gwen, Emmeline had called her—and Hugh McClaggan, both looking distinctly glassy-eyed, and then met Sirius's eyes, his face a mirror of her own disgust.

"No," she told them simply, walking out of the wardrobe.

"All yours, Hughey," Sirius chided, slapping his teammate on the back. Then, only for Lily's ears, "Let me go first. You can take the night shift."

Lily snorted, rolling her eyes as she made for her girlfriends and watched Sirius disappear up the boys' staircase.

JAMES

Sirius found him in their bathroom, sitting across from the toilet, elbows on his knees and head resting back against the cool stone wall.

"You told her you love her, eh?"

He glanced over at his friend, leaning against the door frame with a too-amused smirk. "I think I'm gonna be sick."

"You're not even going to ask me how I know first?"

James tugged at his hair; in truth, he was rather afraid to know the answer to that, proper Gryffindor coward that he was.

"She said you said something," Sirius supplied. "Wasn't too hard to figure it out after that."

James just groaned, pushing his glasses on top of his head so he could rub his hands on his face. "It just slipped out, Pads. We were messing around and I was—you know, talking to her, and I just—I didn't even think about saying it, I just said it—"

Sirius snorted, and James snapped, "It's not funny—"

"'Course it is," Sirius countered. "You've never been able to keep your head around her, not since we were kids. Obviously that's not going to change now."

"No," James grumbled, "now there're just higher stakes."

Sirius moved so he was leaning against the sink, facing James. "I take it she didn't say it back."

James shook his head, avoiding looking at his friend. "I mean, we were…preoccupied, but no, she—she didn't say it back."

"Did you really expect her to?"

"No." The answer was instantly out of his mouth. "She only just came around to the idea of dating me, but"—he finally looked up, meeting his friend's inquisitive gaze—"but that's just it, Pads. We've been taking things slow"—Sirius snorted, and James rolled his eyes—"well not that kind of slow, obviously, I mean like, dating—"

Sirius waved him off. "Yeah, yeah, I know what you meant."

James sighed. "It's not how I wanted to tell her. I didn't even mean to tell her yet. Fuck, this is going to freak her out—and make it bloody awkward—"

"You sure about that?"

He stared up at his friend, nonplussed. "Yes?"

Sirius chuckled. "You don't think she cares about you?"

James blinked. He knew Lily cared about him, knew she was falling in love with him, even—but that was different than I love you. Those three little words were another level entirely.

"That's not the same—"

Sirius just rolled his eyes. "Explain how it's different."

James pulled at his hair again. "I love you is like, what you say after you've been together as long as Remus and Marly. It's what you say when you want to marry someone—"

"And don't you want all that, with Lily?"

"I—yeah, but—"

"How d'you know she doesn't want that too?"

James froze, though his heart was pounding a frantic rhythm. "She was only ready to be my girlfriend like, a week ago—"

Sirius crouched in front of him with a huff, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Yeah. And two months ago, you were nervous to talk to her alone on the train." He paused, letting his words sink into James's brain, and then emphasized, "And now, two months later, she's your girlfriend, and she cares about you. I'd say you're trending in the right direction, yeah?"

James nodded slowly, his own thoughts swirling around in his head. Since the night of their first time, and their first little game to let James woo her for a month, they'd been steadily progressing at Lily's pace, because James was already all-in and they both knew it. Lily was the one who had still been reconciling her feelings, still been getting used to the idea of liking him, let alone dating him. And although that had initially put a gap of sorts between them, he rather thought she'd since closed it. She'd told him she was falling in love with him, multiple times. She'd picked the date she wanted to officially become his girlfriend because she'd wanted to pick their anniversary. She'd claimed him in front of the whole school. She'd cried with him. In the short span of two months—though James thought it was truly much longer in the making—she'd become a fixture at his side, a constant source of comfort. Of happiness.

He hadn't expected her to say it back when he'd slipped and said those three little words, but for the first time since they'd tumbled out of his mouth, he felt okay about saying them at all.

"Yeah," James agreed, releasing the deep breath he'd been holding. "Yeah, you're right."

Sirius clapped him on the shoulder. "'Course I am. Now come on, she's waiting for you."

James let his friend pull him to his feet. "Thanks, Pads."

Familiar gray eyes twinkled back at him. "Don't mention it. But considering I just cleaned her up for you while you were half-fainted on the floor"—James winced; that hadn't been his finest moment—"I fully expect to be best man."

James rolled his eyes, though his stomach clenched strangely. "I have to survive tonight first, Pads."

xxx

Survival was questionable, James realized, standing a few steps from the bottom of the boys' staircase, because Lily Evans was lethal. Every part of her—blood-red hair swirling through the air as she twirled with Marlene, blinding smile lighting up her face, stockinged legs peeking out from a flouncing skirt—set his heart racing and threatened to undo him on sight.

"I don't know if I can do this," he mumbled, pulling at his hair.

But Sirius brushed by him with a chuckle. "What, face her? You've already told her, Prongs."

He supposed his friend had a point.

Mary spotted them and called teasingly, "He's alive!"

Shit. Sirius was already gone, threading through the mingling crowd in the common room, leaving James no choice but to follow. Shit shit shit.

A hand closed around his arm, and James looked sideways to see those deep green eyes he suddenly feared looking up at him apprehensively. "Hey," she said softly.

He wet his lips. "Hey."

She started to ask, "Are you—" right as he began, "Can we—" and, knowing the other's question before they'd finished, they both answered, "Yeah."

Laughter bubbled out of his chest at the same time that Lily giggled, and James thought he felt the tension melt away at the sound. With a knowing smile, Lily slid her arm around his waist, and James leaned into her hug, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and kissing her head. He felt her squeeze back, her fingers scratching a light pattern into his back, and just like that, James knew they were okay.

Breaking away from their embrace, he nodded back toward the staircases, leading her by the hand to the little alcove in the back of the stairwell.

"I'm sorry," he started, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear with his free hand. "I know I took off, I just—I'd realized what I'd accidentally said, and—"

Lily's face fell. "Acc—accidentally?"

James sighed, frustrated with himself. Why was he constantly tripping over his words when it came to her? "No." He shook his head. "No, no, that came out wrong. Not that I accidentally said it, but that I said it…accidentally."

Lily's eyes narrowed. "I don't think that…clarified."

James let go of her hand to run both of his hands through his hair, throwing all caution to the wind as his feelings burst out of him.

"I love you, Lily. I fucking love you. Hell, I've loved you for years. And yeah, for part of that I was a kid, and a prat, and it wasn't the same. But this year—being with you—I—" He faltered, feeling his voice about to break as an unexpected wave of emotion swept through him. She looked blazing in the soft glow from the common room's firelight, tendrils of her hair curling around her face, eyes liquid as they searched his.

He swallowed hard, and he could hear how choked his voice sounded as he said, "I love you. So much. And I hadn't planned on telling you, obviously, because we only just made it official, and I thought it would scare you away, so saying it tonight was an accident, it just—just fucking slipped, but after everything we've been through this past week, fuck, today—I guess I'm not surprised, it's all I've been able to fucking think about, but I wanted to—I don't know, make it special, when I did tell you, like at—fucking Christmas, or—"

"James—"

He broke off his rambling and sucked in a deep breath as she took a step closer to him, finding his hand and threading her fingers back through his.

James swallowed hard, steeling himself to get ahead of her. "It's okay that you can't say it back. I didn't expect you to. I know this—me—is all…newer for you. I just—"

"James." Her teeth pulled her bottom lip under and her fingers tightened over his. "Just because I don't say it back today, doesn't mean I don't want to say it—"

His stomach twisted, brain racing through that double negative. So that meant—

"—because I do. Want to say it back. I'm just not—I didn't expect—fuck, I'm messing this up."

James's eyes widened. She thought she was messing this up? "Lily—"

"No, stop." She ran her free hand frustratedly through her hair, making her loose ponytail come apart even more. "Let me get this out. I care about you, James. The way I feel about you…I've never felt this before. And I've never said…that to anyone, and I might not be ready to say it to you right now, but I want to get there."

"There," he repeated, his voice still sounding choked.

"Ready." She took another step closer, bringing her hands to rest on his chest, and James circled her waist. "James, I want this with you"—her lips quirked in a smile—"besotted a pathetic amount, remember?"

The nerves clenched tight in his stomach started to relax, warmth gradually pooling in its place, and he rested his forehead on hers. "I'm so happy with you, Lily."

She pushed up on her tiptoes and kissed him, something soft. "I'm happy with you too, James."

He kissed her again, lifting his hands to cradle her face, letting her sweetness, her smell, just her wash over his senses, and through the haze of kissing her, the sound of partying distant to his ears, he thought he would remember this moment—finally declaring his love to Lily Evans at age seventeen in the back stairwell of the Gryffindor Common Room in the midst of a Friday night rager—as long as he lived.

xxx

He was lucky he still remembered it the next morning, because he didn't remember much that followed. He'd woken only moments before, Lily cuddled next to him in a tangle of sheets, and without even opening his eyes, he breathed in the smell of her hair, honey mixed with mead, Firewhisky, and—a hint of citrusy smoke? Wait. Had they really gotten into Sirius's stash? James thought hard, trying to force himself to recall the sequence of events, but it was like his brain was a black void after his and Lily's second game of goblets—which didn't make sense, as they hadn't been drunk enough to be blackout by then.

A rustle of sheets next to him told him Lily was waking up, and he blinked open his eyes as he ran gentle fingertips down her side, tracing the curve of her bare hip.

"Mmm." She rolled over, blinking sleepily at him, and her brow furrowed as she mumbled, "James?"

"Yeah, love?"

"Why can't I remember anything?"

James continued his caressing path up this hip and around her back, keeping his voice to barely more than a whisper as he told her, "I think we might have gotten into Sirius's leftover stash from his birthday last year."

She groaned softly. "He still had that?"

"Yeah. I don't think we drank enough to black out."

"Well, we drank enough—my head's a bit sore."

"Mine too."

"I think the last thing I remember is trying to make out with you after we won goblets again."

James smiled. "Same. And it's a shame I don't know if I got to make out with you or not."

Lily chuckled, pushing his shoulder playfully, though her eyes sparkled in the dim light. "Prat. I'm naked in your bed, so I think you got to do more than that."

He laughed softly, pulling her against him, his skin tingling as she draped a leg over his waist and burrowed into his chest. "You know what this means?"

"Hmm?"

"You're down a never-have-I-ever."

She pulled her face up to look at him, lips pursed through an attempt to hold back her smile, and he could tell she was remembering that fateful game atop the Astronomy Tower. "Rogue," she finally accused.

He ducked his face toward hers, kissing her cheek, then her jaw. "Guilty as charged."

Lily hummed quietly, her fingers playing in his hair. "Good thing I like rogues."

James chuckled against her neck. "Didn't think they were your normal type."

"They're not." She tugged his hair, and he lifted his head to meet her eyes. "But I made an exception."

"Well, thank fuck for that," he murmured, catching her laugh with his mouth. They kissed slowly, sinking into the pillows as they lay side-by-side, hands making gentle exploration of each other under the blankets. Lily brushed her hips against his, the contact of her skin where he'd long been randy for her reminding him of a very important fact.

"Lil," he mumbled through lingering kisses.

"Yeah?"

He nuzzled his nose around hers, whispering, "I haven't been inside you since that quickie after class—on Wednesday."

She cocked a brow. "Pretty sure you were inside me last night, Potter."

James just shrugged. "Don't remember it, doesn't count."

Her lips twitched into a smile. "You're ridiculous."

He kissed the corner of her mouth. "I need you."

Something in her eyes changed, darkened, as she looked at him just then. "Will you say that again?"

A lazy grin pulled at his lips, satisfaction purring in his chest. "You like when I talk dirty to you, Evans?"

"I just like it when you talk."

His eyebrows rose, and she looked momentarily surprised at herself. "I mean—"

But he wrapped her up in his arms, holding her close as he whispered directly into her ear, "I need you, Lily. And I'll talk to you as much as you want, yeah?"

She nodded, her breath uneven. "Please," she whispered back. "Your voice just—"

"Just what?"

But she found his hand and brought it between her legs, and James knew exactly what.

He smiled into her ear as he gently swirled his fingers. "My voice gets you this wet, huh?"

Her whisper back was a swift, "Shut up, Potter," but her leg tightened over his waist, pulling him closer.

He chuckled softly, pulling his fingers away and adjusting slightly to be able to tease her entrance.

"I'm going to assume you don't really mean that."

Her eyes sparkled at him, lips twitching with a smile. "I always thought you were smart."

"Stealing my lines now, hmm?"

She ignored his quip and kissed him, rocking her hips toward him in an unmistakable bid for what she wanted.

"How d'you want it, Lil?"

Her leg tightened over him. "Like this."

"I've never done it this way," he told her idly.

Her brow arched in suspicion. "What's this? A position James Potter hasn't done?"

"You know"—he dotted kisses on her mouth, her chin—"there's a lot of things James Potter hasn't done, actually."

"Oh?"

"Mhmm."

"Like?"

He didn't have to think very hard. "Take a girl flying. Meet a girl's parents. Have sex side by side."

Lily was smiling. "I think we can remedy all that."

"Oh?"

"Starting with that last one."

"I like the way you think, Evans."

Lily nuzzled around his nose, fingers gently holding his cheek, and James expected her to parrot her line from the night before, but instead she whispered, "I like the way you fuck, Potter."

His heart sped up, all of his blood rushing south even faster, and he groaned into her mouth, grinding his hips so that he rubbed against her outline, feeling the beginnings of her wetness smear onto him.

She gasped a quiet, "James," and he slowed, his name in her voice still managing to stop him in his tracks.

"Yeah, love?"

She kissed him softly, still cradling his face, and then whispered, "I need you inside me."

His grip on her waist tightened, and he traced her lip with his tongue. "You're my dream, you know that?"

Lily only hummed, threading an arm under his neck, looping that hand up into his hair as her other hand traced the slopes of his shoulder before cupping the back of his tricep and lifting her eyes to his through the dark. "And you're mine."

His heart lodged in his throat, and he kissed her forehead before reaching down to line himself up. He pushed inside her slowly, running his hand along the expanse of hip, arse, thigh, and then back again, and he whispered to her, "Fuck, you're tight, baby."

Lily shimmied down over him, gasping, "James—oh, you feel so good."

Her fingers tightened on his arm, in his hair, and James sighed, trying not to moan because he couldn't remember if they'd silenced his four-poster the night before and he wasn't about to bother himself with detangling from her to find out now.

"Lily." He pulled back halfway before rocking his hips forward again, just the smallest of thrusts, but something about that angle, about being so intimately close to her, made that little movement feel better than pounding her ever had. "Fucking fuck—"

Her other hand cupped his cheek, and she tilted her face up to kiss him. "I thought you would like this."

He trailed his fingers up her side to cup her breast, squeezing gently while he swirled his thumb and swallowed her gasps. "We're—doing this—every—morning."

She smiled against his mouth through languid kisses, her hips rocking in a quiet rhythm with his. He couldn't go as deep, but it was all the more erotic for it, the stimulation to his head sending zings of pleasure through his body with every shallow stroke.

James had no sense of time. He couldn't tell when they'd woken, or for how long they'd slept, since his pulled curtains kept the space in his bed dark, and he had no idea how long he and Lily kept rocking with each other like that, unhurried, trading lazy kisses and soft whispers, both dirty and sweet.

"I don't want this to stop," he told her. "You feel so fucking good."

"Me either," she sighed back, playing with his hair. "I love how you feel inside me."

James stroked her back, maintaining their steady rhythm, but teased, "Sure you're not dating me for my cock, Evans?"

"No, actually." She trailed her lips along his jaw. "I'm quite obsessed, you see."

He chuckled softly, chasing her mouth and then nibbling on her lip. "I do see. You're fucking dripping."

Lily smiled through a gasp. "You do that to me, Potter. I'm so bloody attracted to you. I swear you've gotten even more fit since we've been at school."

A genuine laugh threatened him at that, and he buried his face in her neck, hiding his grin. "I'm all yours, love."

She whimpered into his shoulder. "Babe, this is getting me close."

"Me too."

"Will you touch me?"

He slid his hand between them, finding that heated center with his fingertip. Another whimper escaped her at the contact, and she pressed her mouth back into his shoulder. James ducked his face toward her ear, murmuring, "I got you, Lil."

Her breath was hot on his neck, her words heavy, as she whispered, "James—fuck, that's—I'm close—"

He could only smile at that, and he pulled her hair back from her face with the arm still wrapped around her, dotting kisses along her hairline. "Can I see how long I can edge you?"

Lily exhaled a shaky breath. "Yeah."

James tested her, rubbing deliberate circles with his fingertip, and in what felt like no time at all she was pulling his hair, whispering a frantic, "Fuck fuck James."

He pulled his finger back, chuckling, and whispered, "One."

Lily gasped into his neck, her whole body tensing, and James slowed his hips, giving her a few seconds to come down. "Okay, love?"

"Yeah, okay. Just—fuck."

At two, Lily whimpered a pleasepleaseJamesplease that nearly broke his resolve.

At three, James almost came and had to pull out completely for nearly a minute before they could start up again.

At four, he said another I love you, murmured into her hair as she breathed hard into the crook of his shoulder.

At five, he was back on the brink, almost overstimulated.

"Lily," he murmured, "baby, I don't know if I can hold it."

"Then come," she murmured back, her fingers still tangled in his hair. "Let's come together."

A more beautiful sentence had never existed.

James rocked against her slowly, trying to hit that spot she needed with each slow thrust.

"How's this feel?"

She sighed her words into his jaw. "So good."

"Lil, I'm close."

"Shh." She kissed the corner of his mouth, and he knew she was shushing the increased speed of his hips, not his whispers in her ear.

"Fuck. Lily."

"You started this game, Potter. Same pace until you can't help but come."

He muffled a groan against her cheek. "I hate you and I love you at the same time."

"Getting a little loose with that."

Fresh nerves twisted in his stomach, but he heard the smile in her voice, and so he murmured, "I think you like hearing it."

She kissed his neck in response, and he ran his hand up her leg to her arse, squeezing a round cheek.

"That's what I thought. So I'm going to keep telling you, Evans. I love you. I love your body, obviously, but I love your mind even more. I love how kind and how bloody Gryffindor you are. I love your laugh. Fuck, I really love your laugh—"

"James." Her voice sounded strained even through her whisper, and James pulled back his head to look down at her.

"What's wrong?"

She shook her head, and he saw the water gathering in her eyes. "Oh, Lily. Don't cry, love." He pulled her tighter against him, pressing kisses to her hair. "Please. I'm too close, I don't want to come to you crying."

That earned him a giggle from where her face burrowed into his chest, and with a sniff, she lifted her head to look at him. "Then don't get all sappy on me when you get close, Potter."

"Fine." He smoothed her hair back from her face and then held her chin between his forefinger and thumb. "I'll only be dirty from here on out, yeah?"

Lily smirked even as she sniffed, but then she leaned up to nip his lower lip. "Over under one more minute?"

His eyes fluttered closed as his own release tugged at him. "Lil—I won't—"

"Look at me."

James forced his eyes open and spread his hand over her jaw, sweeping his thumb across her cheek. "You're so fucking beautiful."

"Too sappy."

"You're so fucking wet."

Her lips grazed his. "Better."

Release pulled at his face, clenched his muscles. "Oh—I'm right there—" He slowed his hips even more, wanting to thrust in slow motion and absorb every centimeter of sensation, and Lily cupped his face, her eyes searching his, wide and heated as her own brow started scrunching.

"James, you feel—"

She cut herself off, but James felt her body go taut against his and knew what she meant.

"So do you, love." He was breathing hard, his body going rigid even as he slowed his movements to an incremental pace. "Fuck."

A whimper slipped from her mouth and she bit down on her lip, her leg tightening over his waist and her hips squirming so her pelvis rubbed against his, and James knew this was it. He pushed the words out between haggard breaths: "Lil—baby—I'm gonna come—fuck, fuck—"

"Keep going." Her lips brushed his. "Don't stop, J—"

He was barely inside her, about to push back in, when climax finally overtook him, and he pressed his mouth against hers, breathing hard through his nose, as his hips stuttered. Lily pulled him in deeper with her leg, seeking the friction of his pelvis, even as her mouth pressed back against his and her fingers tightened almost painfully in his hair, and then he felt her break, felt those wild spasms clench him while he was still coming, and for at least the third time in twenty-four hours, stars burst behind his eyelids, his mind blissfully blank, as pleasure flooded his body.

James rocked against her as they came, breaking their hard smush of mouths to dot proper kisses over her lips and cheeks. "Fuck, love—"

Lily squinted her eyes open and gasped, "James—I'm still—"

"I feel you. Baby, I feel you."

Her hand stroked through his hair, pushing it back off his forehead in that affectionate way she had. She swallowed hard, licked her lips, and then whispered, "I feel so close to you."

James stroked her cheek, wanting to memorize the look on her face just then, better than the look of any orgasm. It reminded him of the night before the Quidditch opener, when they'd lain side-by-side like this in front of the fire and she'd told him she was falling in love with him.

A lingering spasm pulsed around him, and his eyes fluttered closed before finding hers again. "You know I feel the same."

He thought she looked like she was going to say something, but then she kissed him instead, something tender. James pulled back out of her while they kissed, hugging her as tight to his chest as he could get her, and wondered if maybe, just maybe, she'd been close to saying those three letters back.