Warning: death of both reader and Jiraiya. Descriptive depiction of blood, Injury and dying. Reborn au

The vow of till death do us part was always one that always seemed... superficial. Something someone has to promise to their spouse when they marry. It's simply part of the process. Surely it's just a formality.

Yet in a world like this, one with conflict and people who hold great power, lots of spouses lose their other half. There's lots of widows in this world of shinobi. It's a problem no one wants to talk about. It's a problem you didn't want to face. Mourning over the one you love most isn't how you wish to spend your days. It's why you insisted on coming.

More than anything in this cold world, you love your husband. For over half your life you have been with Jiraiya. While this world could be so bleak he made it better. The warmth and comfort he offers not just to you but others makes everything better. It's one of his many qualities that people often miss.

How could you send him off to fight a fight like this by himself? You love him. It would be too hard to watch him go on to fight a hopeless fight and simply stand by. No matter how much it hurt, you'll fight by his side until the end. It seems that end is now.

You no longer squirm. There's no point. You cannot escape. Too much blood has been lost. Too many things are broken or fractured. You are in the merciless hands of the enemy. There's only one conclusion this fight will come to. There is honour in dying for someone you love.

Beaten down and pinned, Jiraiya is begging on your behalf. He's bleeding. He's no doubt in pain, but he didn't care. You can't move. Or escape. You sit on your hands and knees, exhausted and barely holding onto life. He can't stand to see it. He didn't want to see it. Maybe if he yelled loud enough you'll be spared.

"Please! It's me you want! Don't touch her!" Jiraiya is frantic. He's weak and barely holding on as well, but he didn't care. "Let her live!"

If you could speak, you would. You'd hush him. What's the point in begging? Pain has no empathy. The four people around you care not for your love's wishes. No matter how he pleads for your life. Only one of the paths holds you from behind. His cold hand gripping your head like a vice. The main one, one Jiraiya did recognize and once cared for, was standing in the middle. The other two were holding back your husband as he grew more frantic and panicked. His distress was clear. He cared not of his image or saving face in front of the enemy. You are about to be killed and he can't stay calm.

The main Pain lacked emotion. There's not even a whisper of empathy in him. He cared not for his teacher's begging. Killing you will cause pain. Sensei deserves pain. That was clear even if his face was vacant. There's hate there even if the man is good at concealing how he feels.

Your tired eyes raise to your reaper. Pain was now facing you. Ignoring the louder more distressed pleas of Jiraiya to leave you alone. He's struggling hard in the grasps of his captors. The little strength he was holding onto was being ill spent on his emotionally fuelled need to try. His arms are pinned behind him but he's trying to desperately to break them free. No matter how his bones crunch under the inhuman strength of the puppet like creatures holding him hostage. It didn't matter how it hurt. You are more important. For you he'd withstand the worst torture so long as you are spared.

Pain didn't even flinch when Jiraiya tried to kick him. Anything to gain his attention or anger him so you don't fall. That's all Jiraiya wanted. That was clear. But the more he showed how much he cared and fought to fight for your life, the more he only revealed how much he loved you. That love is his downfall. His greatest weakness but his greatest strength. For if you fall what does he have left to fight for?

A small whimper escapes your aching throat when your head is yanked back. You've taken many hits for the man you love. That included getting in the way and taking the hit to his neck that would have silenced him. He managed to say the message to Fukasaku before the toad disappeared into the water. He could barley babble it out as the flood of blood that came from your lips horrified him. He held onto you as you had crashed into him after taking the blow. His own head was bleeding from the hard kick to the head he got instead of getting his throat crushed. If it were up to him, he would have taken both blows for you.

You can barely breathe. Your voice is rendered useless. There's lots you wish to still say, but there's no time or voice you have to say it. But he got to say what he needed. It was the small victory that would lead to the big one. With that information being taken to Tsunade and by extension Naruto, then Pain will fall. Not even this guy can handle your favourite annoying blond.

There's a sound that cut Jiraiya off for a moment. His breath hitches in both fear and realization. Those black rods that Pain prefers to use as weapons. One slid out casually from the man's sleeve with a clear intention. It drags against the fabric of the cloak, making a soft but announcing noise like a zipper being pulled. Your death will be that of a single strike. Pain had impaled Jiraiya with a few already. His shoulder and by extension his arm rendered almost completely useless with the cold metal pierced deep in his flesh. He just wants it to stop!

Sigh. So this is how it happens. You shut your eyes for a moment to take in a deep breath. It calms you down. Acceptance. You accept his fate. For the sake of your darling husband, you'll take it as peacefully as possible. You open your eyes again and stare at the grey sky for a moment. The overcast is suited for this. Dim and gloomy like death itself. You lower your gaze and connect it with Jiraiya's. His are wide with that horrified realization. They're pleading. Pleading for what, it's hard to say. Whether it's for you so do something or for Pain to stop. Perhaps he simply wishes he could look away...

He's really handsome isn't he? Strange how the things you are used to looking at become so beautiful in the last moments. You've been looking at this man for many years. There was never a doubt that you love and are attracted to him, but had become used to it. At the moment it feels as if you hadn't appreciated how good you had it. That body. That face. Every little laugh and smile. How he blushes whenever he asks you something intimate. All the times he held you or peeped on you for the hell of it. All those kisses and little moments that seemed too little to remember. Now they come to mind as you chose to stare Jiraiya in the face rather than death.

Those eyes you know so well. Black like the deep night. Steady and vast like a calm ocean. No matter what they faced they never came to panic or fear. But it's different now. They are glossy and filled with terror.

"No..." He whispers.

You smile, to offer him comfort without words. It's going to be okay. Yet this shall be the last you smile. For nothing can be done to stop it. That last thing you want to see is Jiraiya's face. The face of the person you love so much. The wells in his eyes overflowed and for the first time in years he was crying.

Pain overwhelmed your system. You cry out quietly. A soft whimper you can't help but say as you are speared on the pole. It was in the centre of your chest. Tears you didn't know you had filled your eyes broke and fell down your cheeks. You shut your eyes... There's not much your eyes can focus on. Your hearing seems to fade into muffles. The last thing that registered was the shriek of anguish from your beloved. It echoes around in the ruins. It echoes around in your head. Oh Jiraiya...

The grip on him released. Jiraiya fell to his knees. His legs feel like jelly. He fell like a sack of bricks to the cold concrete ground. He cries out again, unsure what to do. Seeing your slumped body had broken him. His will to fight lacking at the sight of you limp and bleeding. The robotic humans around him are far from his awareness. He didn't care. He was only let go so they could revel in his anguish. They watch like statues as he makes the first step to get to you.

He makes a pathetic whimper when one of those rods are stabbed into his hand, pinning him to the ground. A pair of pale feet enter his view and he can barely muster the strength to look up at his student. His long lost student. One who had strayed so far from the path he didn't know how to get back to it. Nor did Jiraiya know how to bring him back to it.

Those once bright eyes were no longer there. Now they are cold and barren of any emotion. They stare down at him. He's nothing more than prey at the feet of a calculated predator.

"You said you could never hate me. Let me ask you again." Pain... Yahiko... Nagato... said in a voice unsuited of someone who was so joyful in living life. "Do you hate me now, sensei? I killed the person most precious to you."

"..." Jiraiya didn't have an answer.

He's upset... like that needed to be said. You're dying in front of him. Probably already dead and he didn't know how to deal. His emotions are running rampant inside of him. His head is spinning. So is his vision. His stomach is cramping like he ate bad food. He's shaking. All the injuries he gained had numbed.

All his physical pain was numbed because of his emotional pain. This is what the pain of loss does. He's felt it so many times. Perhaps in a different situation it would have steeled him to make one last stand against his enemy. But this boy still doesn't feel like an enemy. It feels like a soul who is lost and corrupted by others. If only he could have done more, to keep his lost students on the right path. Now you're dead because of a mistake he made.

He never expected to feel it again when it came to you. He always expected to die before you. In a way... he wanted to. Just to be selfish and not endure the head spinning confusion and agony of losing the person he loved the most. It wasn't supposed to end like this! You should've stayed home! He shouldn't have just insisted. He could have left you in bed and gone while you slept. Or tie you to the headboard. Something! Anything! This was his fate, not yours.

With his body flooded with one last bout of willpower. He gains a surge of strength. One goal in mind motivated him forward. He sat up on his knees. He just... needed to hold you. His hand didn't feel like his own. Sliding up the pole hurt, but it was disembodied. His bones are crushed and flesh ripped. It felt like sliding his hand around a wet half melted popsicle. It's cold and slimy. His blood runs up it and stains it like a twist of strawberry to the blackberry.

His mangled hand was numb and useless. It tingles like it's asleep. It's hard to put weight on it. Jiraiya miscalculated how much he could and slid. His arm and hand buckling under him before he could compose himself. His teeth painfully clashed together as his chin hit the ground. The taste of blood filled his mouth again. It takes a few blinks to wash away the new wave of tears that blurred his tunnelling vision. When it focused, his target was still there. You. Unmoving.

The paths simply watch this losing struggle. More out of vague interest. What lengths will a man go to get to the one they love most? What sacrifices will they make? Poking him with their weapons only slowed him down, but never stopped him. Not even when one pierced his leg. Or his lower back. Blood is pouring out of him. It's leaving a thick trail in his wake. He didn't care.

"Why do you focus on her? She's dead."

Jiraiya manages a weak shake of his head. Pain can antagonize him. He won't respond. You are just out of reach. He collapses further to crawling. He claws at the ground. His fingers split and bleed as he drags himself with whatever he has left in him.

"Wouldn't your energy be better spent on me? I killed her. Don't you hate me?"

He shakes his head. Maybe he does feel some kind of hate for his old student, but it's useless to feel that way. Seeing you so weak and bloody overwhelmed his anger into anguish. If he had the time he would just sit there and wail. He'd scream for hours if he could.

A part of him does feel wronged. Those surges of ire snuff out within the same beat they come alive. It's just not something he believes in. What's the point in fighting a battle he cannot win? He just barely managed to take out two with your partnership. These moments are precious. He can't spend them swinging weak punches for no good reason. Not when you are so close by. He doesn't want to get mad. It will do nothing. He just wants you.

His hand gripping yours flooded him with relief. It's deceptively warm. He grits his teeth before expending his energy to hoist himself back to his knees and wrapping his arms around you. The rod that was pulled from your chest has left you bleeding heavily. If only holding you would stitch you back together.

"I... I'm sorry." Jiraiya whispers by your ear. He buries his face into that crook of your neck he finds so comfortable. "I never should have let you come."

Your limp head lulls and hits his shoulder. It was almost like you were hugging him. As if cuddling. With yours and his bodies so comfortable in finding those spots where humans are made to hold one another.

For some reason... they let him cry. They let him hold you and mourn. Perhaps they still expect him to find his resolve and put up a fight. He can't. He's... tired. He's lost what he loves most. A future without you is one he does not want to live in. Besides he's already passed down not only his will but yours as well to Naruto. In a different world he would have rather you still be there for Naruto. Holding you in the final moments was good too.

While the whole death do us part vow as a promise he did always expect to fulfil, but he never expected to fulfil it with you. Jiraiya sighs quietly before shutting his eyes and fully nestling into you. That slithering sound of metal agains fabric zipped behind him. His end is now. A soft grip on his leg surprises him. You are... barely holding on. Your jaw ever so slightly flexes and a weak gargle comes deep from your throat.

"Shhh..." He whispers. "I love you."

It's best if you don't wake. You've endured enough. There's no reason for you to feel this final attack. There's pain. It's white and searing. Through his back, coming out of his chest and then piercing you. He grimaced and coughed up blood.

"I'm disappointed in you, sensei. To be so loyal to the dead for what reason?" Pain asks flatly. "Because you love her? Is that all there is to it?"

There's a push that lurches his and yours body towards the edge of the ruined ground towards the water. With what little strength Jiraiya has, he braces his hand on the ledge to keep from falling in. He does have something to say.

"Love is what drives this world forward... I'm sorry you can't see that anymore."

"Love only brings pain. That's all I have learned from you."

"...Then I'm sorry. I never was a good teacher."

A small smile grows on Jiraiya's face. He was sorry. There's so much of the past he wishes he could change. His hand slips and he falls into the water with you.

Water fills his lungs. No doubt yours as well. He doesn't fight or thrash. The last little peek Jiraiya takes of the world is watching the surface slip farther away. He looks over to you. Your eyes closed like you are asleep against him. The last small bubble of air slides out of your mouth.

Life was... good with you. Every failure and mistake he made was comforted by you. It was made better by you. You are the only thing he's done right. Death is... comfortable with you. He shuts his eyes. Love is a strange wonderful thing. He can't stop smiling. For some reason...

It gives him an idea for a book...

...

With a strangled gasp, he opens his eyes. The darkness of night met Jiraiya's gaze. It took a few moments for his eyes to adjust. He's staring at the flat smooth surface of his ceiling. With each blink it comes more in focus as the tears in his vision fall away down the sides of his face. His heart his pounding and mouth feels dry. He's sweaty and tense.

Every year. The same day. The same dream. It's all so clear when he's asleep, then when he awakes it turns into fragments. Being killed by a man he knows he still loves despite the circumstances. Accepting it all since the blame is on him. Dying in the arms of this beautiful woman he knows he loves. Her name and who she was is something he can barely hold onto. Thankfully this year he knows this woman now. He rolls over to face you. You are whining and whimpering in your sleep. Your legs shuffling back and forth as if you are trying to swim. He pulls you close and hushes you. Your fitting dies down. Your head nuzzles against his shoulder while your fingers grip at his shirt.

Finding you again was wonderful. It was something he looked forward to. He just had a feeling he would find this woman he dreams about... He already knew her once before. Once he saw you it filled him with recognition and a warmth that he couldn't describe. It was the type of euphoria that no drug could ever bring. This time he met you at a convention at a panel about his fantasy novel. It brought back memories of meeting you in a previous life with similar circumstances. At a desk, signing a copy of a book he had wrote and well... asking you out. Needless to say it went well.

Why he was reborn is a question he does not have an answer to. Why is his life so good this time around? With family and wealth. Yet no matter how well his books did or how much fun he had with his siblings, it felt incomplete. Finally finding you had clicked in that missing piece. This time he found you while very young. Both you and him are in early twenties. Hopefully that means a lifetime of happiness. Perhaps the dream and those fragments of his past life is the penance for reincarnation. Hopefully it's the only penance. All these annoying little questions he has that can't be answered seems like punishment enough as he'll puzzle over them for the rest of his life. Fate wouldn't give him such a wonderful new life just to steal it from him, would it?

"J-Jiraiya!" You wail as you thrash in his arms.

"It's okay! You're okay." He coos at you.

You startle awake, but you continue to shake. You look around before looking up. Up to your darling husband. A man how had been familiar to you since childhood. The man you've been dreaming about was real. As handsome as you had always dreamed it would be. Only younger now, but you know what he'll age to be. In a way you look forward to it. He's gorgeous now but time treats him well. Seeing him safe and unharmed filled you with relief. Yet you aren't entirely sure why you are so worried.

"Bad dream, babe?" Jiraiya asks with a smile.

"Yeah..." You confirm quietly.

"What do you remember?"

"I got hurt... I think I died and you had to watch."

"Anything else?"

"I... don't know. I think there was water."

He hums and doesn't press further. Strangely enough he has found that he has the most memories of his last life. You don't remember much aside from knowing he is your soulmate. Tsunade recalls nothing. Not even Orochimaru seems to remember any kind of past lives. Ironically neither of them believe in it. It's just wonderful to have them in his life again. They're both successful doctors doing good in the world in different fields. They are his life long friends that always have time to hang out or be in a call with him. No matter how busy the three of them are... It's nice that he can have them around to talk. Whenever he tries to bring it up as smoothly as possible, they don't really know what he's talking about or scoff at him for believing in something that cannot be proved. They just always figured he had an overactive imagination. Which isn't far from the truth. His other friends, students, family he had made in his last life he hadn't encountered yet. It's something he looks forward to, but doesn't think too much about.

His phone vibrates. He twists his arm back to the nightstand and brings it up behind your head to look at it without cutting you off from his vision. You sniffle and shut your eyes in a cringe. You are tired but still shaken up. He leans his head down until his lips are rested against your head. He flinches as the screen light blinds him for a heartbeat. He swipes up to unlock it to the less bright sight of his background. Once he recovers from the flash of light he takes note of the two notifications in his text app. Who is up at three am? Opening the app revealed the same message from his friends.

'Are you okay?'

Maybe they don't remember but perhaps they too dream of something bad? From what he remembers they weren't there when he died. But they are his best friends, maybe they just feel something is wrong. He replied to them both, assuring them he's okay. He locks his phone again and tucks it away under his pillow. He focuses again on comforting you.

"Go back to bed." Jiraiya whispers.

"I don't think I can. I don't want to dream about that again."

"It's just a dream, love. I promise nothing like that will happen."

"Okay..." You say quietly. You shift around as you try to get comfortable. "You're right. It is just a dream."

You aren't sure if that's true. It's more than just a dream, but you aren't sure wha tit means. Your body moves with a deep sigh. He rubs your back and rocks you against him. Your leg hooks around his waist and hands move to his upper back to hold him like a sloth to a branch. He puts a kiss on the top of your head. He lingers and takes in a deep breath of your scent. Already you are at ease again. He does have a mysterious way with you that's hard to place. He just knows you more than anyone else does. It was as if he was born to be your partner.

"I love you." You mutter in a groggy voice. You snuggle up closer with your face against the crook of his neck. It is an odd more cuddly parody of how he held you when... when you died with him. "Jiraiya... That dream..."

Before you could dwell, he cradled your head to stay there. He shifts his hips and feet as he always does when he gets comfortable. He keeps holding you, rocking you slowly to lull you. He didn't want to speak about it right now.

"Don't worry about it. We can talk more about it in the morning."

"Promise?"

"I promise." He swears it. He pecks your forehead with a kiss. "I love you too. Let's get some sleep."

Your body relaxes. Soon your deep even breathing is all Jiraiya can focus on. For a moment there's a flicker of fear as he awaits for you to stop. You never do. It's just... irrational fear. After a deep breath, he shut his eyes.

It is just a dream. He smiles to himself.

But it would make for a good book.