Warning. Long term abuse of reader. Near death of reader. Blood and injury. Themes of Stockholm syndrome and sexual assault.

It's been a half hour now. Jiraiya takes his eyes from the clock to bring them back to you. You hadn't moved an inch. You're still crouched down with your hands clenched just above your knees. You won't look at him. You shake when he's attempted to approach. He didn't want to approach you while you're petrified. That's not how he wants you to see him. With fear and anxiety. But he's starting to worry. With each tick of the clock so does a bead of your blood drop. Between your clenched fists was cuts and blood. Your palms and fingers are all torn up from glass. The shattered pieces of a cup are still around your feet.

Seeing you like this is hard. He swallows back the lump that had formed in his throat and he spoke.

"Do you remember what a klutz I was when I was a kid?"

You raise your head slowly. Your curtain of blonde hair fell back to reveal some of your face. You look at him. Your gaze is tired but it isn't fearful. You are simply curious to his point.

"I scuffed my knees more than any rookie out there." Jiraiya said with a chuckle.

It's true. His head dives into a memory so strong he could feel it again. Running too fast for his own good only to trip on his own feet. His head getting confused on how to do a basic function that he mastered at a year old and it leads to a hard mouthful of dirt. That sting of pain and the cool pooling sensation of blood in his cuts. He used to just get up and walk it off. His teachers often freaked out as his chin, palms, and knees were all messed up. Then you walked into his life. The elder sister of Tsunade. A pretty older girl he kinda sorta totally fell for. One he knew was good at healing.

"I always went to you when I got hurt, you remember that?" He asks.

You nod. Yet you look more hurt by that then comforted. That was his opposite intention. You look so sad and he doesn't really know why. He just wanted you to remember all that trust. That... love he wants you to feel for him. You must still feel this for him in some capacity. Why else did you agree to let him take care of you?

"Can't I do that for you now? Let me take care of you."

"Take care of me?" You ask in a mouse sized voice.

"Yes. Come on, babe. Let me treat your cuts."

"But... the glass."

"Don't worry about it. I can get it later."

"But... I broke it." Your voice quivers.

"Accidents happen." He assures you. He took a stride towards you. "I don't think anyone will miss a cup."

"Aren't you mad at me?"

"No. I'll never get mad at you." He promises. He's now a few centimetres away from you, separated by only the river of glass shards. "Come on. Let me get you fixed up."

He held his hand out to you. You look down at it for a beat. Then another beat. Just as Jiraiya was sure you weren't going to accept it, you reach out and grab it. His skin is met with wet and cold. He didn't really mind the blood. He stood up, forcing you to come with him. Some coaxing was involved.

"Watch your feet. I don't want you to cut them."

"Sorry."

"..." He looks at you with a sorrowful frown. It squeezes up his insides that your first response is to apologize. "It's not your fault."

You lower your gaze to the floor. You don't like looking men in the eyes for too long. Even if those men are ones you love. Michi, your husband, doesn't like it. Instead you watch the floor. With every step a drop of blood falls to the ground. It's a strange pattern to watch. Sometimes it hits the floor. Other times your toes. By the time Jiraiya escorts you to the bathroom there's an obvious trail on the floor that told a clear story. From the glass to the blood to the bathroom... You've made a mess. You should clean it... before he gets mad.

Jiraiya surprises you. His hands grab your hips and he lifts you like you're a child. He sets you onto the countertop that made up the vanity. It was strange. Your body tingles and lingers on the sensation of his hands there. Even after they had left you still feel it. He crouches down to the lower cabinets in the vanity. A moment later he's standing again with a first aid kit.

It's strange isn't it? To have Jiraiya treat your wounds. It's usually the other way around. He's fairly good at it. He rinses your wounds before grabbing the tweezers to pull out the glass shards. It doesn't hurt that bad. He's gentle. He holds your hand to keep it steady as he tweezed out the thin pieces that invaded your body with caution. Nice and slow as he pulls out the slivers. He doesn't have to be so gentle. You are used to pain.

"A little tighter." You offer some advice.

He glances up from his work on bandaging your wounds. He's only part way done one hand. He's completely frozen as he's trying to understand your reasoning to your words.

"If it's too loose it won't stop the bleeding." You explain. You offer him a smile. "Don't worry about hurting me."

Jiraiya doesn't reply. Again he looks distressed at your words. He nods before bowing his head to return his focus on treating you. His grip does tighten.

It enrages him. It's difficult to bite down the rising rage he feels. It's like hot bile in his throat. How could he be so blind? He's just so... angry. Not at you. Never at you. But that horrible excuse of a human that you are married to. Michi. Even thinking of that name made his stomach tie up in knots. Michi that piece of crap that hurts you. And that's putting it lightly. For almost thirty years you've been stuck in this relationship.

With that fact comes a whole new wave of emotions. Most of them sad. Thirty years. That number weights heavy on Jiraiya. A whole weight that drug him down with a force that's hard to describe. Why didn't you just leave? Partners in arranged marriages are allowed to leave if one is getting hurt by the other. It nulls the marriage immediately. Why did you hold on? You could have been free the moment that nasty person laid a finger on you.

Another wave of sorrow hits him. Arranged marriage. Why did you agree to such a barbaric practice? It's only allowed between consenting parties now, the intent usually for building stronger bonds between clans. In this case the Hyuga and Senju. The Senju haven't been particularly close to the Hyuga until you married one. But why? Is Jiraiya that bad of an option? Did he blow his shot so badly? He's loved you for years... he just didn't know how to tell you.

"There. All better." He announces with a forced smile. He finished tying off the bandage. He's finished treating your wounds.

You turn your hands over, inspecting his work. It is good enough. Jiraiya's style is a mix of professional and amateur. He's got enough practice to know what to do, but lacked that certain organized clean execution of a medic. Not that you're grading him or anything... you don't wish to think too deeply on things.

"Come on, let's go to the bedroom." He said. His hands are out to help you brace against them to scoot off more easily.

"Okay."

You use his help to get off of the counter. He escorts you to he bedroom. You plunk down onto the bed, not sure about what to do. What will he do? You stare up at Jiraiya, expecting him to make a move. Michi never asked. Michi took you even if you didn't want it. You stare at the younger man in front of you, expecting him to order you to do things. Or shove you to the bed and simply do whatever he wishes. Instead he smiles at you. A reassuring smile. It drops a moment later as he looks over to the door.

You follow his gaze, wondering what he's doing. A second later your heart jumps into your throat. Someone is banging their fist against the front door. Your first instinct is to curl up. Make yourself small. You tuck your legs up and bury your face into your knees. A gentle hand plays with your hair.

"I'll be right back." Jiraiya announced. "Just stay right here."

You don't react. You stay in that protective curl. He doesn't say anything more, he moves on to the front door. By the pattern the are hitting the door in, it's a good guy. An informant who has been tasked with updating Jiraiya on the manhunt. Like a coward he is, Michi ran away when his warrant for his arrest became common news around the village.

That bastard is at least smart enough to leave. Not that it's any less cowardly. Practically every active member of Konoha's military is out of their own free will looking for Michi. None of them accept that a person like that is apart of their family. The metaphoric family that is. Everyone is pissed that there's an abuser among them. If any of them saw Michi that bastard would get exactly what he deserves. Jiraiya included. If he wasn't assigned to protect you, he would be leading a team of people just as angry as he is to hunt Michi down like he was a S Class traitor.

After an exchange of passwords, Jiraiya opened the door. He was greeted with the cold gaze of a clay mask. It's a little overkill to send an Anbu, but okay. It's easy to understand why. Tsunade has been an inch away from throwing people out her office window ever since the news broke. She's pissed to put it lightly. The only reason Jiraiya is taking care of you is because you requested it and Tsunade still likes him. Even then, if your sister catches even the slightest bit of wrongdoing on his part, he'll be flying through the window.

"Report." He demands.

"Suspect is still at large. He hasn't been seen around this area." The elite announced. By the voice, it was a woman. The long cloak and mask make it hard to make sure, but it made sense to send a woman since well.. you aren't afraid of them as much as men. "Where is she?"

"In the bedroom."

Something in the air shifted, as if the Anbu suspected him of doing something wrong. They stare at him. Or at least it felt like staring. It's hard to tell with the mask.

"Why is she in the bedroom?" They ask coldly.

"She cut her hands and she's shaken up about it. She's resting after I treated her wounds."

The Anbu pushed past him to the bedroom. They stuck their head in to see you. You are still in the same position with your head in your knees all curled up. Your bandaged hands are in view. That seemed to satisfy them and prove Jiraiya truthful.

"Expect another update in an hour." They said before leaving.

Short and sweet. At least those fancy elites are to the point. Jiraiya triple checks the lock and pulls on the door to make sure it's secure. While most ninja can break a door down, the long thick deadbolts and screws securing the door to the wall will at least slow them down. If Michi did try to come for you, there would probably be enough time to at least place you somewhere more secure.

Satisfied that the door will hold, he returns to your side. His eyes follow the trail of blood that's now drying. It leads to the bathroom, not the bedroom but still. Perhaps he should clean it. Leaving any kind of trail is never a good idea. Sigh. A problem for later. Right now you could use some reassurance.

"Hey honey." He greets you quietly. He crouched down to your level and places his hands over yours. "It was just an informant updating me on the situation."

You peek out from behind your knees to look at him. You ask what said update was.

"It's not the best. He's still at large, but no where near here."

Does that comfort you? It's hard to say. Michi... means something to you. You don't want to see him arrested. You don't want to be alone anymore. Even if it's with him. Something catches the corner of your sight headed towards you. You flinch on reflex. Jiraiya retracts his hand. You look at him, expecting him to move suddenly. Maybe to yell at you for fearing him. Or he's going to send his hand flying up to slap you across the face for being so timid.

"I'll leave you alone for now." He says as he stands. He craves to be near you, but not when you flinch away from him.

"No." You state. You grab his hand to keep him still. "I... I don't want to be alone... Is that okay?"

"Of course it's okay. I can stay if that's what you want."

You nod. That would be nice. Indulge a little. You'll be alone soon. Why not have the man you've always wanted so close for a while? Michi isn't here. But Jiraiya is. You want someone close to you, both physically and emotionally. You pull on his wrist to coax him closer. You scoot back. He can do what he wishes to you now.

"I want you close..." You mutter.

It's hard to deny you. Cleaning can wait. So can being on guard. You need him. Jiraiya crawls into bed. It lacks a personal touch... if that makes sense. It doesn't smell like you or him. It smells like dust and linen. It's just another subtle reminder that this is a home not to get too snuggly in. He's supposed to be your bodyguard, but he'll always be your friend first.

This bed is cozy and personal with you. You snuggle up to him the moment he's laying down. It's actually pretty nice. Your face is nuzzled into his chest. Your injured hands are holding onto his shirt and bunching in in a way that has the fabric pillowing your face. Your legs get intertwined with his in a way that he's always wanted to experience with you. It's close. It's tender. Holding you so close fills him with a warmth no other thing in this world can provide. It feels right. It feels like he's been doing this with you his whole life.

"Why did you agree to an arranged marriage?" Jiraiya asks quietly. He can't help but feel betrayed by your choice. He gave up when you got married since he figured you were happy. You found a man you love, it just wasn't him. But it was all a lie and that hurt more.

"Because I was lonely." You admit. You raise your head a little to peek at him. You still had the fabric of his shirt gathered around your face. "The man I love... loves someone else and I didn't want to be alone my whole life. So I figured I should at least do something to improve my family and our status."

"How could a man not love you back? Did you tell him?"

"No... because I..." You trail off for a moment. Then you sigh and try again. "I didn't want to do that to my sister. I know she feels the same for this man and if I said anything, she would step back." You sigh again. "What does it matter anyways? No other man will love me."

It really hurts to hear you talk like that. His curiosity bypasses on who you could mean and focused on why you speak so lowly of yourself. You are perfect.

"That's not true. Why would you ever say that?"

"I'm just so... useless. Michi is the only one who will love someone like me."

"Is that what he tells you?"

"It's true isn't it? How could anyone love someone like me? I'm weak... pathetic. I can't do anything right."

"You know that's not true." He sighs as he holds you tighter. It tears up his insides to hear you think so little of yourself. Michi has poisoned you. No one should be torn down so low by someone else. "You are none of those things."

"I can't even grab a glass of water. I broke it. That's all I ever do. I ruin things."

"It was an accident. You didn't do it on purpose."

"I never do what I mean to on purpose. No matter how hard you hit me the lesson won't sink in."

"I won't hit you. No good person hits another to fix their problems."

That's so... confusing. Why is it confusing? Isn't that what people in love do? Hit. Yell. Tell you what to do. You remain quiet as Jiraiya tightens his grip on you. He's upset. His breathing is quick and uneven. His hand raises from your back to hold the back of your head in a firm grip. It doesn't hurt. It's secure.

Then again it's all a ruse isn't it? Michi did that. He made you feel safe. Any moment now, when you completely relax, Jiraiya will grab you by your hair and rip your head back. He'll throw you around a little. Maybe climb on top of you to pin you down and choke you out, just to the point of blacking out not to death. Then he'll laugh as you gasp and cough for air. Perhaps you belong to him now. He has the right to do anything to you.

It wouldn't be so bad if it was Jiraiya. Right? You do still love him after all this time. Would it feel differently if he was the one that loved you. No matter how he made you bleed or hurt. It would be better. That's just what happens. Michi is the only man you've been with. All the permanent damage done to you is simply an expression of love. Yet somehow you know... you'd like it more if it was Jiraiya. Because you love him and the pain wouldn't matter that much.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Jiraiya asks another hard question. "Everyone would've done... everything they're doing now the moment you said something."

"I... don't understand." You utter quietly. You really don't. "Didn't I tell you already?... That's what love is."

Your words weight like a lead balloon inside of him. It expands as his guilt grows. It's heavy and unending. You are damaged. Warped. Forever changed by the poisonous relationship you endured for so many years. Do you really think this is all normal?

Then again people ignored your signs for help until it was almost too late. You hid your pain so well. You never should have.

It's hard to keep the emotion choked down. Jiraiya swallows down a flood in his mouth. It came from a wave of nausea. How could he let this all happen to you? He should've confessed when you announced your engagement. He should've confessed the moment he knew. You would be... his. He wants that still. It just... hurts. Like a thousand hot blades jabbing at his body. Images of a happy life with you keeps flashing in his head if he had simply said three words to you thirty years ago. All of this pain. All of these horrible thoughts in your head wouldn't be there. He'd like to think you would be happy with him. He'd do anything to make you happy. Hold you. Make you laugh. Kiss every inch of you until you smiled. He's treat you better than he'd treat himself. What a fool he's been. A coward for hesitating when he should've spoke.

"It wasn't all the time, you know." You say.

You adjust your head so that your cheek was rested on his chest. Unfortunately you can't hear too well out of this ear. After a particularly bad hit to the head ten years ago you lost most of your hearing on your left side. Simply another reason you are so weak and stupid. Michi wouldn't have slammed your head into the table if you had just made dinner right.

It's not so noticeable now. You adjusted to your position at work as a medical examiner rather than a doctor. You can't work on the living if you can't hear alarms, nurses or patients at all times. Yet you want to be comforted by the steady beat of Jiraiya's heart. If only you could hear out of that ear. If only one more time to listen and focus on a rhythm that is made for comfort. It's a sound you often listened to in your youth. Once he grew taller than you, it became easier to rest in his embrace.

"What do you mean?" Jiraiya inquires.

He's playing with your hair now. He must have read the report on your injuries. His fingers are avoiding the sores and bumps you have on your scalp. He's simply scratching and smoothing out sections of your hair. It feels good. Yet your body is still expecting a yank at any moment.

"Once I found out that I was worthless as a woman... is when Michi really showed me how love is." You explain.

"You aren't worthless. Why-?" Jiraiya pauses as his voice catches on a high note when starting his next question. He's somewhat afraid to ask. The answer will be as heartbreaking as everything else you have admitted. "Why do you think that?"

For some reason you smile. It is funny. In a way. The point of an arranged marriage is for union and strength between two powerful families. It's also to have children with amazing extraordinary talents. It's awfully ironic how fate likes to play her hand.

"I'm infertile, Jiraiya. I can't have children." It's always hard to admit in words. You can't do the one thing you were supposed to do. It's like the universe wanted you to live this life. "I have no use. Michi was... upset. But he still wanted to stay married. I could still be useful to him in other ways a-and I kn-knew!" Your voice began to crack. The hot wash of tears fall down your cheeks. "I do-don't want to be alone! He loves me no matter how much I-I mess up!"

Jiraiya immediately began to comfort you. Hearing you cry is twisting him up in knots. It's agony. He's managing to hide his writhing by converting it into rocking you and hushing you. Hearing you cry because you are trying so hard to excuse all the abuse you endured is a torture he never expected to experience. It's worse than anything physical someone could inflict on him. The woman he loves shouldn't ever be sobbing in his arms because she's hurt. Especially for reasons that never should have impacted how you should be treated as a woman. Michi is a real piece of work. It feels dirty to have even spoke to this man like he's an equal.

"You won't ever be alone." Jiraiya promises with a desperation as if it were a dying wish. He clutches you tightly as you whine and wail in his arms. "Not when you have me. I'll never let anyone make you feel like this ever again."

"W-Why?"

Now you're asking the hard question. There is no more getting around it. Jiraiya didn't want to get around it. He didn't want to lie about how he feels anymore. It led to this. It led to you in critical condition for hours in a hospital bed. You almost died because of Michi's abuse. You were beaten and bleeding so badly but you never said anything for days. He sat with you while your body was destroyed from the inside out but the most you let on was a tired excuse of having had been working too hard. He's lucky he's even holding you now. If Tsunade wasn't here to head your surgery you would've died from your extreme amount internal bleeding. If he had just spoken up sooner there would be no need for years worth of agony and life threatening situations.

"Because I... I love you." The words that have been kept inside for so long came out so quickly. It was easy. He pressed his face into your hair and he couldn't stop saying it. "I love you so much! I love you more than anything!"

The air felt like a vacuum. It was all stolen away from you. Hearing Jiraiya say those words shocked you. He loves you? The confusion set in after the shock. It doesn't seem real. But how he said it was so raw with emotion. He's continuing to say it while holding you like you would evaporate into thin air if he let you go. All of it is sad in tone but so intense with something you hadn't heard in years. A genuine care.

But why? He confessed to you so long ago that he was in love with Tsunade. Once you heard that and saw how she clearly felt the same you agreed to the marriage proposal from the Hyuga. You silently stood by for so many things for so many years. Watching the two people you love most pine for one another. It wasn't your place to be involved. You silently stood beside Michi as his wife. A wife that couldn't do anything right. But you are so afraid of not being loved. Of being alone because you are so weak and flawed. Michi loves you despite all you do wrong. Hitting you is simply how he explains what you do wrong. That just what love is. It's painful. It's... anguish but it's all you want.

"I love you too." The words you say are quiet. It's suddenly hard to speak above a whisper.

A painful squeeze clutches at Jiraiya's heart. It was validation and horror. Validation because all he wanted was within reach. Horror because of all of the things your confession brought out. The fact your sacrifice led to this awful life of yours. You are a wonderful big sister. You knew he loved Tsunade in his younger years. He really did. He was so convinced she was going to be his wife and love him back. You must have held in so much pain when he looked you in the eyes as a silly boy and told you how he felt. You value Tsunade's happiness so much you picked a political marriage because as the eldest you were expected to marry and social climb if you weren't in love. All this damage... because of how blind he was to the truth. He was an idiot for thinking he loves his friend more than that. It was always you.

"I'm afraid." You speak again in that same little voice.

"What of?" He asks. "I won't ever let Michi lay a finger on you."

"No. Not of Michi." You push yourself up just enough to be closer. Just high enough to have your face closer to his. "Of something else."

"... Of me?"

Oh Jiraiya. He sounds so petrified. Are you afraid of him? He's never laid a harmful hand on you. He's amazing. Kind and thoughtful. The sweetest man to ever be in your life. Even when you feared speaking to other men, Jiraiya never allowed you to drift away. You endured a few extra slaps and screaming fits because Michi never liked Jiraiya being around you. But you never cared. Jiraiya was the one man you couldn't let go.

But what if love isn't what Jiraiya said it was. No good person hits another. That's what he said. What if he's not good? Or you ever do anything to anger him? That glimmer of hope for discovering a love you always wanted to live... but what if it's the same?

"I'm not scared of you." You assure him. "I'm afraid... to start again."

He sighs. For the first time in a long time, he releases his iron grip on you. You are gently rolled away just far enough so Jiraiya can properly look you in the eyes. His hands cradle your head on either side to keep you held in place to look into his dark gentle eyes.

"I'm scared too. I never acted on my love before." He admits. He takes a moment to smile and tenderly wipe away a tear on your cheek. "But I know how to treat a wonderful woman like you. I know it's scary to trust me like that, especially after what you have gone through. But I promise to the depths of my heart that I will treasure you and we'll do this together."

"Do what?"

He chuckles. He leans in. That small bit of distance was closed. For the first time ever the man you've always wanted to kiss you is doing so at this very moment. It's better than anything you thought it would be. It's not too much. It's soft and warm. A little wet. It stays long enough to make it a memory you can't ever forget. Then it breaks. It leaves you hazy yet eager to feel it again. It lingers around on your lips like peppermint oil but the tingle doesn't sting. It's warm and welcoming. No kiss has ever felt like that before. Not for you.

"Learn how love works." Jiraiya answers. "I'm not an expert but I know Michi had it all wrong."

"Okay." You sigh out the word with a small laugh. You wrap your arms around him and rest your head on his shoulder. "That sounds good."

For some time you and him enjoy the quiet of being in each other's company. The simplicity of being held so lovingly was enough to doze. Yet not completely fall asleep. Not soon after being held and cozy for that time, someone entered the safe house. It was too comfortable to want Jiraiya to leave. It felt odd when he let you go and slipped out of bed to go see who had entered. It had to either be a break in or the one person who had the key and means to come in without setting off any alarms. He doesn't leave without placing a kiss on your forehead.

Jiraiya regretfully walks away from you to go see what was happening. He'd much rather stay snuggled up under the covers with you than do his job. Alas he didn't wish to risk your safety. It won't ever be risked again, not with him around. He makes it to the frame of the door that connects the bedroom to the living room and nearly crashed into someone.

"Oh! Tsunade. I didn't see ya there." He greets casually.

Tsunade scowls at him. Her expression firm with a motherly disapproval he's known since he was a child. He expected her to be cross about something, exactly what was a mystery. She pulled her arm back and gave him a good whack.

"Wha-! Ow!" Jiraiya loudly expressed his displeasure. He held the part of his arm she struck with such force to make it sting. "What the hell was that for?"

"Why the fuck are you in bed with my sister?! Hasn't she gone through enough?" She yells at him. "She doesn't need you to be hounding on her! I thought I could trust you with this!"

She harshly jabs at his chest with her fingertips as she berates him. It has enough source to have him stumble back. He continues to object as she pokes him harshly with words and her unnatural strength.

"Hey! Ow! Tsunade just hold on a sec! It's not what it looks like! She wanted me to be close!"

"Not that close! You're all..." She gestures to all of him. "Bed wrinkly! And your shirt is showing off too much."

You raise your head from the pillow to watch them. Your sister worries too much. She's losing it over nothing. Poor Jiraiya looks overwhelmed at trying to explain himself. You get up slowly and make your way over to them.

"Tsunade." You speak up.

They both stop and look at you. Both of them a little owlish. With wide eyes that are expressing different things. Jiraiya with a variety of panic and desperation. Tsunade with a fading anger and worry.

"It's okay. I wanted him to be that close." You vouch for him. To really show how much you trust him, you wrap your arms around Jiraiya's arm and rest your head against his shoulder.

Your action had flustered them. A bashful grin and blush from your loving caretaker. A flush of embarrassment and realization from your sister. It falls quiet as Tsunade takes a few long seconds to process. Her eyes looking at you and Jiraiya with careful consideration. Jiraiya is much better for you than Michi, but good enough is a different matter all together. She simply sighs before revealing why she had come.

"Michi has been apprehended. He's being transported to prison right now. I wanted to tell you personally."

For a moment you do feel sad. Someone who has been apart of most of your life was going to a terrible place. Maybe you do have some kind of feelings towards Michi. But it's not right what he did, is it? It can't be if he's being jailed for all he's done to you.

That sadness fades into a calm relief. You don't want to cry. You don't want to buckle your knees and collapse. It's a gentle wave over you. You shut your eyes and focus on breathing. The air feels fresh. A pair of arms embrace you and you are pulled against the body of the man you've always loved. You raise your hands, they feel heavy but light. You return the hug. It feels like a long chapter in your life had closed.

The next chapter that came was... good. Better. The Hyuga had agreed to the annulment. Their elder council who had handpicked Michi for you personally apologized to you and officially denounced Michi as apart of their clan. He ended up getting thirty years for his crimes. You were even offered compensation for all the pain and damages your body and mind had gone through. But what good will their money do? You don't need it. You kept the home you once shared with your ex husband. It can be refurbished for new memories.

Jiraiya was around all the time now. He helps you. He makes you happy. All the pain in the world seems to just fade away when he's with you. Your cuts have healed. Your fractures are mended. Your skin slowly returns to being a single shade as the bruises don't get reformed. He kisses you when you make a mistake. He helps you fix it. There's never a shred of anger in him that he directs to you. He holds you whenever he can. Quite quickly he makes himself comfortable in your home as if he always belonged.

Discovering how love is supposed to go was a journey. It was mostly good. Jiraiya was good at it. He's learning as he goes. So are you. There are certain things that linger with you. Like hitting his hand on a table when he laughs too hard startles you. You flinch sometimes when he moves a certain way towards you. You freeze up around conflict. It's not about him, that he knows well. It's the scars you have from the past. He's learning to be more careful as to not trigger you.

You've learned what love is supposed to be like. Or at least what it's supposed to be like when with Jiraiya. It's very different to anything you've done before. The best part is you never feel guilt or pressure to do these things. You want to do them.

Jiraiya likes... intimacy. Intimacy of all kinds. He's not as sexual as he mostly parades himself to be. It's more tender than that. Plus he's told you a thousand times that he wasn't interested in sex until you were completely comfortable with him. Words like that are unfamiliar but very assuring. So for now it's the little things you've been taking part in and learning about. He likes putting his arm around you while sitting beside you. Or he'll hold your hand but he usually likes that more when walking with you. He likes it when you rest your head against his shoulder or on his lap while he writes. He loves to get cuddly more than anything.

Most of the afternoons and nights are occupied with some long dozy hours of cuddling. With each minute felt in a good way. Most of the time Jiraiya has you as his little spoon. He likes curling around you and resting his head either behind yours or with his cheek smooshed against the crown of your head. His hands will wander but never go too far. They like to stroke and pay attention to all the skin that hasn't been caressed correctly in years. It's quite nice.

The more interesting thing you learned is when Jiraiya wanted to be cuddled. It's rare. It's something you never did with your ex. But when he meets you in the bedroom and simply crawls up to lay on top of you it's a clear sign that his day wasn't the best. It isn't painful to have him laying on you. He'll sneak his arms under you to hold you around mid back. His torso will rest along yours. His head will rest on your chest or shoulder. From the waist down he likes it better when your feet run along his legs or tangle with his. He won't talk much. He'd much rather relax in relative quiet with you playing with his hair, which is something that he very much enjoys. He snores. It's quiet, but it's cute. When he does that you learned it's because he's comfortable and he's been successfully consoled on whatever had him down.

Kissing wasn't so different. It's another intimate activity Jiraiya enjoys doing with you. He's much more gentle and engaging than your ex. It gets heated quick most times. Those cuddle sessions are a good position to start kissing. Which turns into making out. His hands will be less feather like in their touch. He likes to grab your hips or ass. He's gotten bolder with fondling more of you as time went on. It was always with a question if he could. After five months, you've become comfortable with him reaching under your shirt and pants to grab and massage. You've touched and grabbed things on him too. His chest, abdomen, and butt are all quite nice to squeeze.

As for Tsunade in all of this? She was quite relieved. She was happy for you and Jiraiya. You deserve the best. Jiraiya has been alone for too long. You and him are a good match in her opinion. Yes she did have feelings for him at one point in her life. When he tearfully admitted to her when you were hospitalized how he felt about you, she knew right then that she didn't really feel the same about him. It's just nice seeing the two people she loves the most happy. She does what she can to support or help if ever needed, but mostly she just enjoys spending some time with her family.

The current day marks the seven month anniversary of the day Jiraiya told you he loved you. He's acting kinda weird. He's nervous about something. Since you don't really enjoy being around loud things, he's taking you to an interesting location for a date. The top of one of the many buildings in Konoha. It was a taller building that looked over most of the village. It was perfect in its own way. Private but not isolated. Watching the people go about their peaceful lives is soothing. With a bottle of sake and a simple packed lunch, it was another great date.

"I uh want to give you something." Jiraiya spoke after a while of quiet contentment of simply being beside you. He promised himself he wouldn't get anxious about this... but he is. He pulls out a small box.

"Jiraiya..." You call his name softly as he hands it to you.

Is he really doing this? He offers you a smile. It's nervous but the anticipation in his eyes leads you to believe he's excited but worried about what you'll say. You look back down to the box. It is the right size for a ring.

You open it to find out it's contents.

Inside was... a hearing aid. One that looked fitted for your left ear.

"You mentioned that you wished you could hear out of both ears again." Jiraiya spoke when you didn't say anything for a while. A part of him is so worried he just overstepped and that this was a terrible gift to give you. "So I asked Tsunade to help me get you one."

Tears well in your eyes. They break and roll down your cheeks. This gift is just...

"Er... do you like it?" Your boyfriend is getting increasingly worried at your reaction.

"I love it." You finally reply. You turn to face him only to be met with his face very close to yours. He must have leaned in to really watch your reaction. A chuckle comes out of you before you give him a kiss. "This is the best gift I've ever gotten."

"I'm glad you like it." Jiraiya said with a breath of relief. He reached into the box to grab the delicate piece of technology. "Let's try it out."

You help him, placing your hand over his to help guide him as he places the aid into your ear. He leaves it to you to turn it on. The pin prick sized switch was easy to press. You jump as sounds that have been stolen from your left side suddenly return. Bird chirps. The wind. The distant chatter of the crowd below.

"How is it?"

You snap your attention back to Jiraiya. His voice is somehow different. Deeper. Richer. Sexier in surround sound. You feel like a twenty year old again as you sit beside your crush in a romantic location just to talk. That was the last time you heard his voice like that.

"Wonderful." You reply. You lean in to kiss him again. "How can I ever repay you?"

"Well," he pauses as he smirks. He pulls your legs over his lap and keeps ahold of your thigh. "I'm willing to accept unconditional affection in the form of kisses back at our place."

"What about more than kisses?" You ask him.

"Messing around is good too. You know how much I love doing that with you."

"And more than that?"

He pauses again. His smirk faded as he stares at you. You know what he's doing. He's looking for any shred of doubt. He always does this when you ask for more. It's just to make absolutely sure.

"You don't owe me anything. I didn't get you a gift for that."

"I know, Jiraiya. I'm just telling you that I'm ready." You explain. You reach your hand up and curl a section of his long side fringe around your finger. "I want to know what that kind of love is like with you."

"... Okay. That sounds good."

The smile on his face is different. It's soft and warm. It's that type of smile that you can't help but return it with the same amount of tenderness. He grabs your hand and pulls you to your feet. He doesn't release your hand as he leads the way back home.

The kind of love Jiraiya showed you once in bed was... indescribable. It never hurt. It felt so good. A few times he did it so good it had you ponder if you had died and gone to heaven. He was sweet. He was considerate. He kept asking you how it felt. There's only so many ways you can tell him how amazing he makes you feel. He made you feel valued. Not just as his girlfriend or as a person, but as a woman as well. Unlike the man that came before, Jiraiya didn't care about every little thing wrong with you. He kissed your old scars and tells you how perfect you are.

"I love you." He utters with a smile.

"I love you too." You reply.

It means a lot more now. To look someone in the eyes and say that with the upmost confidence is healing. It's bonding. As if every time you say it you meld a little bit more with him. Half his face is obscured by the pillow. The grin he has on is adorable. His eyes seem to be sparkling as he looks at you. His hand is running up and down your arm. It's gentle. It never has the intention to harm. You do something you never felt comfortable doing before with a man. You reach out and touch. You caress his face and watch his reaction. It's a lovely reaction.

You can feel ever shift in Jiraiya's face. The corner of his lip pulling back his cheek as his smile grows. The very tips of his bottom lashes fluttering against your thumb. Some of his hair resting on your fingertips. The warmth that flooded into his face. It's cute. He's so wonderfully cute.

His hand moves to your back and he pushes you closer. Your belly touches his. He holds you in a long kiss that spoke freely of how he feels about you. Yet another difference you can get used to. It's better like this. Being held and loved. Being smiled at like you are what makes his world go round.

"What do we do now?" You ask.

"Whatever you want to do."

"..." You pause as you consider those words. You put your arms around him and rest your head a fraction away from his. "Let's stay like this for a while."

"Sounds good."

For a while you and Jiraiya did stay. Neither you or him fell asleep even though it was peaceful enough to drift off. It was calming. Laying beside him and looking into his eyes is good enough to pass time. Each time you look at him, you know one thing is always for certain.

You are loved.