Chapter 20

Everyday brings something new, and each day of the week had brought a new, more irritating challenge for the king under the mountain. It was the longest week of his life.

Though Dis could usually tell when she irritated Thorin, she had been consistently annoying him with pointless questions and statements about her boys. Fili and Kili had abandoned the few tasks Thorin had asked of them, forcing him to complete the tasks himself. And his advisors needed him to settle their disputes—most of the arguments were petty and unimportant. Thorin yelled frequently and stormed off to clear his mind, yet his advisors couldn't take the hint.

Now, Thorin paced the floor of his study, attempting to calm himself after a particular meeting had left him on the edge of a monumental eruption. He couldn't calm himself and the anger bubbled in his veins and filled his body. He stopped pacing long enough to take a deep breath, but when it didn't help, he started moving again.

Balin entered the study. "Thorin, I need to speak with you."

"Not now, Balin." Thorin growled without looking at his friend.

"This can't wait. It is an urgent matter." Balin crossed the room to Thorin.

"Everything around here is an urgent matter," said Thorin.

Balin shuffled the papers in his hands. "Yes, but I need you to look at this."

Balin stepped in Thorin's path and disrupted his pacing. Thorin stopped short, avoiding bumping into his friend, but his agitation grew more severe. Balin was talking and pointing to the papers, but Thorin couldn't hear him over the pounding in his head. His fists clenched tightly at his sides, his teeth bared down, and his eyes squeezed shut, trying to calm himself.

Balin looked up at his friend and frowned. "Are you okay, Thorin?"

Thorin's eyes shot open and his normally ice blue irises were dark as the mines in the bottom of the mountain. "No."

Kaleria walked away from the library after returning the book she had borrowed. It was a lovely collection of poems she had never read before. She thought she should return it before the bookkeeper could track her down for having it longer than she originally said she would have it.

As she passed through the hallway, she heard an unmistakable voice bellowing from the other side of a door.

"It's my gold!" Thorin yelled.

Kaleria stepped to the door and opened it to see inside.

Thorin held Balin by the throat against the wall. "You are trying to steal from me, but it won't work."

Kaleria knew the sickness had taken over and Thorin was acting out because of it. His back was rigid, and his face was scrunched in a menacing frown. She hurried toward them, staying in Thorin's line of vision.

"Thorin stop! He's your friend."

"Not a friend. A traitor!" He squeezed his hand harder around Balin's neck. The older dwarf's skin took on a deep red color.

"Thorin, this isn't you. Stop this!" She pleaded.

He didn't acknowledge her, nor did he release Balin. His focus remained locked on his task. The king held a firm grip and watched the life slowly fading from his friend.

Kaleria began pulling at Thorin's arm, trying to free Balin. He barely moved as she strained against his large frame. She heaved until his grip slackened.

SMACK!

Kaleria stumbled back and put a hand to her cheek The sound of the blow seemed to awaken Thorin from his spell as he turned to her, eyes wide. The older dwarf fell to his knees gasping as Thorin released him. Thorin stared down at his hands, then looked to Kaleria and Balin.

Before they could speak, Thorin stormed out of the room. Kaleria helped Balin to his feet.

"Are you okay?" She asked, holding his arm to steady him.

"I am fine. Though I fear he may not be."

"He didn't mean it." Kaleria looked in the direction Thorin disappeared.

"I know. Thorin is…"

"Sick." Kaleria finished.

Balin nodded. "Aye. He has survived the first stages, but I don't know how to rid him of it."

"We will find a way." Kaleria squeezed his hand. "We should take you to Oín."

"That would probably be best." Balin agreed without argument, and Kaleria escorted him to the infirmary.

As they walked, she thought about Thorin. He had never been so violent in his previous bouts with the sickness. On the one hand, she had never seen him look so angry as when he was holding Balin by the throat. On the other hand, she had never seen him look so ashamed as when he realized what he had done. Kaleria's face stung, but she had taken worse hits in training, and had endured worse injuries from working her father's land.

If she had learned anything about Thorin since living in Erebor, it was how hard he was on himself, and Kaleria knew he would blame himself, though it was the sickness that had caused his outburst. Kaleria hoped he could forgive himself because she had already forgiven him.

Days passed and little was seen of the king under the mountain. Any decisions concerning trade were handled by the advisors, and Dis handled anything concerning the interior of the mountain. Dis pretended she was unaffected by Thorin's absence, but she was worried for her brother. Balin thought it was best to give him time.

Only Kaleria thought isolation was the wrong decision. She had seen Thorin at his worst and each time he had spent considerable time alone.

Taking it upon herself, Kaleria left her room in search of Thorin. They had determined he had locked himself in his room, but the door remained locked to anyone on the outside. Kaleria marched to his door and stopped in front of it.

She knocked twice. "Thorin, it's Kaleria. Open the door."

"Go away," his voice rumbled from the other side.

"I need to speak with you." She tried the door knob, though she knew it would be locked. Thorin didn't acknowledge her presence the second time.

Annoyed by his lack of cooperation, Kaleria pulled two of the pins holding her hair in place. A few strands fell loose from her bun, but the pins served a better purpose. She stuck both pins in the door and maneuvered them until she heard the pins fall into place and she turned the knob. Kaleria entered the room.

It was much larger than her room, but had the same basic design. She saw Thorin sitting stiffly in the chair by the fire.

"Is this how you deal with your problems? Hiding in your room?" She drew his attention as she walked toward him.

Thorin stood from the chair, facing her. "How did you get in here? I don't want you in here."

He wore a gray tunic and dark pants. His feet were bare, his hair was slicked with sweat, his eyes were rimmed by dark circles, and his chest was heaving with each labored breath.

"I need to speak with you," she crossed her arms, "and since you won't leave your room, I had to come to you."

"You need to leave." He balled his fists.

"No one blames you, Thorin. Balin didn't see you were suffering, and he blames himself for adding to your burden." Kaleria relaxed, dropping her arms to her side. "He wants to help you. We all do."

Thorin turned his back to her. "There is no help for me."

Kaleria moved to stand in front of him, forcing him to look at her. "That's not true."

"I nearly killed my friend, and I struck you. I shouldn't have done that."

"It wasn't you! It was the disease!"

Thorin grabbed her shoulders and shook her. "But it lives within me! It controls me!" He held on to her as he spoke, but released her as soon as he realized what he had done.

Thorin stared at the floor. "When I realized I had hit you, I knew I was too dangerous to be around others."

Kaleria's heart broke for him. A man who wanted nothing more than to be surrounded by those he loves, and he was so terrified of his own mind that he would rather spend his life in isolation. She needed to convince him that she was okay; she needed to convince him that he would be okay.

"Thorin, look at me." Kaleria placed her hand on his cheek to move his gaze. "I am okay. I know you didn't mean to strike me, and I know you would never do it again."

Thorin placed his hand over hers, pressing her palm firmly against his own cheek. He closed his eyes and focused on her hand under his. Kaleria saw him start to relax as he held her hand to his cheek. Eventually, his eyes opened, revealing two endless pools of blue water, calm as the sea on a windless day.

Then Thorin began to sway. His eyes fluttered as his hand fell from her hand. His knees buckled and Kaleria grabbed his waist to keep him from falling straight to the floor. She supported him the best she could as she laid him down. She grabbed a pillow from the chair to support his head.

"Thorin, stay awake." Even as she asked, she knew it was a hopeless request. Thorin's eyes shut and his body went limp.

Kaleria ran into the hallway. "Help! Please help!"

A guard and the maid, Cardeena, came around the corner, staring wide eyed.

"Fetch master Oin. The king needs help." Kaleria informed.

They both ran off in search of the head healer, and Kaleria returned to Thorin's side. She kneeled beside him, taking his hand in both of hers.

"It will be alright, Thorin." Kaleria reassured him, but mostly herself. She didn't know what Oin would do for him. She hoped he could heal Thorin from his sickness.