"Has this happened before?"
Ravenpaw turned his head away from Fireheart and towards Barkface as he responded, "Not this severe and never towards Graystripe. He usually stops what he's doing and stares, sometimes he'll say something. He's never thrown himself down before." What was Ravenpaw meowing about? Why couldn't he speak? Why were they right here? They were too close, Fireheart was trapped. He was breathing heavily; it was too crowded.
The loner turned his attention back to Fireheart, there was concern in his eyes as he meowed: "Fireheart, you need to breathe deeply like Barkface said." Ravenpaw put his paw out, resting it on the other cats' own. Fireheart recoiled, pulling his paw away from the black tom and backing himself further against the wall. Don't touch me! Back off!
After a few heartbeats, both cats move away from him. Why had they done that? It wasn't like Fireheart was speaking. He pressed himself further to the wall, digging his claws into the ground beneath him, his heart pounding. He needed to get out of here. Ravenpaw and Barkface had moved a bit away from him, both looking back at him.
Fireheart felt his fur bristle as he forced himself shakily to his feet, why were they watching him? He didn't want to be gawked at, he needed to get away. Fireheart forced himself forward, moving past Graystripe, he ignored the gray tom's words as he started to speak. For the first time, Fireheart noticed the other cats in the den.
All of WindClan was here and they had just seen this. Embarrassment and fury heated up Fireheart's pelt, how could he have let this happen? Tallstar was watching him from across the nest. He had sat up, Brightheart was next to the black and white cat, she was speaking quietly to him. He couldn't hear what the young warrior was saying. Fireheart felt a flash of annoyance, what was she saying? It had to be about him, why were cats always talking about him? He needed to get away from here.
He turned towards the entrance of the nest, his mind felt foggy and his legs numb as he made his way out and back into open air. He heard Ravenpaw call his name and Fireheart quickened in his pace. He did not want to talk to any cat, he did not think he could.
Fireheart made his way away from WindClan territory and towards the rest of the farm, his gaze trained on the ground in front of himself as he forced himself to breathe deeply. His mind raced. What was Ravenpaw going on about back there? He had to have been talking about his moments, it was the most logical explanation. They could see them that clearly? He had not realized that. More importantly, what had he done to Graystripe?
The gray warrior had lost his anger towards Fireheart, that much was clear, but why? Did he strike out at Graystripe? He had not looked physically hurt, just stunned. If Fireheart had attacked him it would have ended in a fight. He would have remembered a fight. He did not feel as though he had gotten into a physical quarrel with Graystripe, there would have been fur ruffled at the very least.
The sound of movement broke through to Fireheart, he looked up. Amber eyes and dark brown tabby fur caught his attention. Fireheart froze, his chest growing tight as fear filled him. Blood roared in his ears. How could he be here? How could he have found him? Were they followed from WindClan territory? How could Fireheart have let this happened? His fur rose as his tail moved between his legs, Fireheart took a step back. No. No, please no. Tigerstar, I'll do anything.
Something dropped from the cats' jaws, landing on the ground at his feet. Fireheart's gaze slowly followed what had fallen.
Mouse.
He stared at the brown creature, confusion breaking through the fog. Why would Tigerstar have a mouse? Why would he have been hunting? Fireheart slowly lifted his gaze away from the prey and back up to the cat. It took him a moment to recognize the cat in front of him. Bramblepaw.
The apprentice was staring back at him, amber eyes wide and ears flattened. His tail was moving fretfully back and forth behind him. His jaw hung open and he looked tense, frozen. Past the apprentice, Fireheart saw there were more cats. These were the cats that were getting prey for WindClan, Mistyfoot took a cautious step towards Fireheart, moving next to Bramblepaw. There was a concerned look in the RiverClan warriors' eyes.
Fireheart felt his pelt heat up again. How could he have mistaken Bramblepaw for Tigerstar? He knew the kit well enough now, of course he was not Tigerstar. How stupid could he be? His ears flattened as he stared at the young tabby, why did Bramblepaw look scared? Had Fireheart done something he was not aware of? Like what happened with Graystripe? Guilt pooled in the tom, what had happened and why could he not remember anything? Fireheart croaked: "I'm sorry."
He turned away from the cats, racing further into the farm. He moved quickly past the Twoleg dens, his mind whirling. He couldn't hear any cat pursuing him. This was good. He just wanted to be alone, to figure this all out himself.
Fireheart jumped up onto a fence, ignoring the cows milling around inside of it as he padded quickly along it. The fur along his spine bristled, this was all stupid. How could he have let this happen? How could he have done this in front of so many cats? He did not know what he did, but it had made them gawk at him. Stare at him. It could not have been good.
He made it to the end of the fence. There was a den attached to it. Fireheart crouched, readying himself before leaping up on to a ledge along the den's wall. He proceeded to leap again, this time landing on the roof of the den. After pulling himself, up the orange warrior padded across its dark rough surface, tail moving back and forth.
Fireheart paced along the top of the den, letting the fur on his back bristle. His tail lashing wildly as his anger built up. What had happened? His mind went back to what Ravenpaw had told Barkface, he spoke during those moments? That could not be possible, they were so quick.
If they were quick, then why would Ravenpaw and the others know so much about it? Fireheart stopped in his pace, claws digging into the hard surface below him. His frustration was building inside of him. Why had they never told him? Why had no cat ever talked to him about this?
He had seen them talking behind his back multiple times. It had to be about him. It was multiple cats doing it, why wouldn't they just tell him? Fireheart's vision was beginning to blur and his head felt light. The pressure on his chest was building and he was certain he was panting. He started forcing himself to breathe slowly as he turned his attention to the small meadow in front of him. It was all blurred, the cows were nothing more than moving brown and white shapes. He forced himself to blink, trying to clear his vision.
"Fireheart?" He jumped at the sound of his name, turning rapidly around to face whoever had said it, his fur bristled as he hissed. He did not think some cat had followed him. Why were they here? How had they managed to get up here without him noticing?
Ravenpaw was the cat that had spoken, but there were two shapes. It took Fireheart a few moments to recognize the other cat. Mistyfoot. Why was she here? Why were either of them here? Fireheart searched behind them, there was no other sign of any other cats. It was just the three of them and Ravenpaw and Mistyfoot had Fireheart cornered.
The pressure on Fireheart's chest increased. The only way away from them was to jump off the roof and into the field. He looked down into the field, the cows would be harmless. It was simply the risk of injury after jumping off the roof he had to worry about. Fireheart moved his head side to side, trying to figure out how far the jump was and whether or not he could make it. Ravenpaw begged, "Please don't leave. We just want to talk. You're safe, nobody is going to hurt you."
Fireheart felt a new flash of anger at the loners' words. Of course he knew they would not hurt him, he just did not want them there. He looked back up at the two other cats. He spotted a mouse and a bundle of herbs at the black tomcats' paws. Fireheart felt as though his heart stopped at the sight, why had they brought those? Were they going to force him to eat them? He didn't recognize the plant, what would it do to him? What were they going to do to him? His stomach churned at the idea.
Mistyfoot took a step closer to him, Fireheart's focus shifted to the blue-gray warrior. His tail lashed and his claws unsheathe, letting out a warning hiss. She gave no sign of seeing his response, her gaze was steadily on him. She spoke slowly, "You thought you saw him, didn't you?" Puzzlement at her words broke through the mist in Fireheart's head. He stared at the RiverClan cat as she continued, "Tigerstar. You saw him in Graystripe and Bramblepaw, that's why you got scared, isn't it?"
"Graystripe?" His voice was barely above a whisper, Fireheart knew he mistook Bramblepaw for the TigerClan leader but Graystripe? How could he do that?
"When Graystripe got angry at you, your eye became clouded." Fireheart shifted his gaze to Ravenpaw as he spoke, "You exposed your belly to him and started pleading with him. You called him Tigerstar. Do you not remember?" He slowly shook his head. A troubled look came to the black cats' face, his voice sounded hollow: "You told him you'd obey and asked him to stop."
He had said that out loud? What else had he said? Mistyfoot mewed again, "You begged with Bramblepaw as well." Fireheart stared through the two cats, how much of what he thought he was thinking was he actually saying out loud? How long has this been going on? The gray warrior took another step towards him, "Neither Ravenpaw or I know exactly what you went through with him. However, we have both been under his wrath. We know some bit of what happens." She blinked at him, "it's affected you more than either of us. You can talk to us about it, you can talk to Graystripe if you'd rather. Tell us anything you want."
"No, I don't want to talk about that. Not with Graystripe." Fireheart barely recognized his own voice. He did not want to talk to any of them, but especially not Graystripe. If the gray tom found out more, Fireheart was certain all he would get was pity from the other warrior. From any of them, he did not want that. The other two cats nodded, Ravenpaw murmuring an agreement.
"Why don't you come over here and we can talk. We don't have to talk about those moons if you don't want to, let's just talk." Fireheart considered Mistyfoot's suggestion for a few heartbeats, he looked back and forth between the field and the other cats before padding slowly towards them. His gaze was trained on the mouse and herbs that Ravenpaw had, why did they have those? He could not recognize the plant as anything he had received from a medicine cat before, what did it do? He hesitantly sat down a few tail lengths away from Mistyfoot, on the opposite side from Ravenpaw. His shoulders were tense.
Both cats looked relieved. Mistyfoot mew was soft as she spoke, "Thank you, Fireheart. Do you want to start?"
Fireheart felt a flash of frustration, they were treating him like a kit. He was a warrior; he did not need to be treated like this. He mumbled, "Why do you have those?"
Ravenpaw looked at the prey and herbs, "This? It was in case you were hungry; you should eat." The fur on the back of Fireheart's neck bristled, he felt sick at the suggestion. He could not eat it even if he wanted to. His mind was beginning to feel foggy again and his vision was blurring.
"No cat is going to force you to eat," Mistyfoot blinked at him. She moved a paw towards him, "There is nothing wrong with the mouse, it has nothing in it. Featherpaw caught it in the barn before we got here. It is just a mouse; you can eat it or you can not. It's up to you."
"What's the plant?"
"It's thyme," Ravenpaw replied, "Barkface told me to bring it. It will help you calm down, that is it. It's like the mouse, we aren't going to force you to eat it."
Fireheart did not respond for a long moment, staring at the mouse and thyme. He did not want either of them, he would not eat either of them. He slowly shifted his gaze up to Ravenpaw's face. There was a sympathetic look in his green eyes as he watched his friend. Fireheart dug his claws into the hard surface below him, he was being pitied.
Fireheart meowed, "Are they all like that? My moments, do I always do that?"
"When you freeze?" Ravenpaw explained, "No. You usually stop moving and stare, it lasts a few moments and then you're back to normal."
A few moments? He had thought they lasted less than a heartbeat, how could he have been so wrong? "You said I talk sometimes."
Ravenpaw nodded, "It's usually not much. A few words."
"Why didn't you tell me? Bramblepaw told me you told him about this, why tell him and not me?"
"You were scaring him." The loner murmured, "We had to explain it to him so he knew it was not his fault." His fault? Why would the apprentice think that?
"Before Graystripe, it was always directed towards Bramblepaw," Mistyfoot explained.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Fireheart repeated.
Ravenpaw and Mistyfoot exchanged glances, the loner responded softly, "You seemed unaware of it to a point. You'd freeze and then you'd go back to whatever it was you were doing. We did not want to alarm you."
Fireheart was silent for a moment, "What did you tell Bramblepaw?"
"He was still a kit; he didn't know about the situation with Tigerstar until you told him." Ravenpaw mewed, "Graystripe and I told him that you'd gone through something scary and that's what caused it. We told him that it had nothing to do with him."
No wonder the apprentice thought Fireheart was scared of him, if it was always towards Bramblepaw why hadn't they told him sooner? He had to apologize to both Bramblepaw and Graystripe now, guilt was pooling in his belly. He rose to his paws, "I need to talk to them."
"We can head back to the barn. Mistyfoot can get the others and," the loner paused, "Barkface wanted to check in on you." At Fireheart's nod, Ravenpaw stood up, Mistyfoot following a heartbeat later. The black tom looked down at the mouse in front of him, "Could you please try and eat?"
Fireheart stared at the mouse, shifting on his paws uneasily. Mistyfoot mewed, "We're not forcing you. We are just asking you; this will not be against your will. You can eat later if you'd rather."
After a few more moments, he slowly shook his head. He did not think he could choke anything down even if he wanted to. Ravenpaw murmured, "That's fine. What about the thyme?"
Fireheart's fur bristled as he stared at the plant. A moment of silence passed before the RiverClan warrior spoke again, "It's just to help you relax. It won't do anything else."
Fireheart looked at Ravenpaw, "that is it?"
"That's it."
He looked to the plant again, shifting on his paws as he did. Fireheart padded slowly towards Ravenpaw, sniffing at the plant. The scent was strong, almost overwhelmingly so. It made him feel sicker. There was another moment's hesitation before Fireheart shook his head, moving back from the herb.
"That's fine." Ravenpaw mewed, picking up the mouse and thyme before leading the way back to the barn. Mistyfoot broke off from the other two cats heading out towards the Twoleg den that WindClan was staying in.
The two toms headed into the barn, Fireheart jumped up on to the bale of hay his nest was situated on, settling into it. His muscles ached and he still felt dazed, if he could have, he would have fallen asleep right then but there were cats to talk to. There always seemed to be.
Ravenpaw settled on the same bale, leaving a bit of space between the two cats. The mouse and herb were placed on the bale as well. The black loner did not say anything, Fireheart was grateful for that. He needed to figure out what he was going to say to Bramblepaw and Graystripe. Fireheart rested his chin on the edge of his nest as he watched the entrance of the barn for any signs of returning cats.
Soon enough, Graystripe entered, followed by Bramblepaw, Mistyfoot, and Barkface. The WindClan medicine cat quickly made his way to where Fireheart and Ravenpaw were situated while the others stayed back. Fireheart felt his pelt twitch uneasily, what was he going to say?
Barkface had a pawful of cobwebs and a bundle of leaves in his mouth, he set down the leaves. When he unwrapped one, there were poppy seeds inside. Fireheart stared at the small black seeds as Barkface gave him a once over. The brown tom meowed, "Besides for your leg, physically, you're fine. I imagine you'll be sore after everything you've been through. Going over a waterfall is no easy task." Barkface knew about that? Then Tallstar had told the others what happened. "For now, you should rest. The poppy seeds will help with any aches and it will help you go to sleep." His voice grew quieter, "they'll keep any nightmares away. You'll be able to rest fully." Fireheart bristled; the others were talking about him with Barkface. Did the other WindClan warriors hear? Did Tallstar? What had they told him? What did they think of him?
"Fireheart, I'm going to touch your leg to deal with the scratch. Is that okay?" Fireheart felt a flash of frustration but nodded. Barkface mewed, "You reopened it back in the Twoleg nest." The medicine cat began to tend to it, "I want to check on it in the morning. Tallstar wants to talk to you, too."
What did Tallstar want to talk about? Fireheart raised his muzzle, "I can talk to him now." Barkface shook his head, "You need to rest. Tallstar needs to rest, it can wait. After you're done talking to them, take two poppy seeds and get some sleep." A pause. "Try and eat, too. Denying yourself food will do no good." He glanced at Ravenpaw as he spoke, the loner nodded in acknowledgement. Fireheart rested his head down as the medicine cat turned away, moving down the bales of hay. Now he had to talk to Bramblepaw and Graystripe.
The two cats moved forward, Fireheart looked back and forth between them. He meowed, "I'm sorry." He shifted in his nest, focusing his attention on the apprentice, "I didn't realize I've been doing that to you this whole time. I apologize for scaring you, if I knew how to stop it I would. If I knew I was doing it, I would have said this sooner." Why had none of the other cats not told him? Fireheart felt a flash of annoyance. "I didn't know. Had I known…" He did not know what he could do, what he would have done. "I did not know, I'm sorry."
Bramblepaw looked at his paws as he shrugged, "I don't blame you. I know you didn't know; I'm used to it. It's fine."
He cringed at the tabby's response; a feeling of guilt formed in his chest. The fear he had seen in Bramblepaw's face came back to apprentice should not be used to this. Fireheart shifted his gaze to Graystripe. His friend had a strange light in his eyes as he looked back at him. Fireheart spoke, "I'm sorry for how I reacted today. I didn't know I would do that."
Graystripe shook his head, "that's fine. I'm at fault there and I should be apologizing to you. I'm sorry for scaring you. That isn't what you need to apologize for."
Ravenpaw began to protest, "Graystripe –"
Fireheart silenced the loner with a dismissive flick of his tail, there was something else he needed to apologize for. He was at fault. Fireheart took a deep breath, "I'm sorry I lied to you. I did not intend to lie to you."
"Then don't do it again." Graystripe replied gruffly, "I want you to be honest with me, Fireheart. I want you to tell me everything."
"I'll tell you everything, you'll know what happens next. I will tell you when I go to see her."
"You promise?" Graystripe's hard glare on him was unwavering.
"I promise."
"I'm keeping you to your word. We shouldn't have to go through this again." Graystripe muttered as he sat back on his haunches. Fireheart murmured his agreement; they should not have gone through this again. The gray tom was silent for a few moments before he mewed, "So Sandstorm, huh?"
"Yeah."
"How did that happen?"