Let's Hurt Tonight

by alitablake

Too much time had passed since they last spoke after that day of running away. It lasted too long and Ren had enough. They needed to talk and it was happening now.

Disclaimer: I do not own Skip Beat or the inspiring song.

A/N: Hi all! Yes, I too am frustrated with the story line right now. I'm writing this after Chapter 271 and I don't start immediately after it. I don't want to go into the Kanae thing since I'm worried the mangaka will sidetrack us from the drama in the next chapter to deal with Kanae. I'm dreading it actually.

But that's beside the point. This drama filled number you're about to read came rushing out this week so I hope you enjoy it. It is inspired by OneRepublic's Let's Hurt Tonight. This should be in Daydreamer's Playlist, but I'm tempted to continue it. However, for now it will be seen as complete. We'll see if I can do it.

Rated T for cursing.

Cheers, AB.

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"No." Kyoko spun around making sure to keep her head down and away from him. Away from his piercing brown eyes. Not now, not yet. She still couldn't handle him and everything surrounding him right now.

"Mogami-san, you can't ignore me forever," Ren told her as he followed her. No matter how quickly she walked, there was no escaping him. She could run but something told her that there was no running from this one.

I can still try though. Just down the hall was a door leading to the stairs. That was her hope. Since his long stride matched up to two maybe three of hers, the steps on the stairs would surely slow him down enough for her to escape.

"Mogami-san, we need to talk," he called out to her again but this time the weight of his hand fell upon her shoulder. Her face heated up at the touch of his hand and her tears were slipping from her eyes. A whimper escaped her lips as she ducked away from his touch and ran to the door.

Shock at her reaction made Ren stumble as she ran. He could not run to catch her, but his pace did hasten as she reached the stairway door and jerked it open. Their eyes met for a moment and his heart twisted as the light made those gold teared filled eyes shine brightly. Then it broke as she disappeared behind the door allowing it to close at its own pace behind her.

There was her mistake. She left public eyes. Tsuruga Ren couldn't be seen chasing a young frightened girl. But now there was no witnesses.

Kyoko charged down those stairs, taking nervous glances up to see if he was following, straining her ears to listen to the heavy footsteps of the man that broke her heart. She managed to go down half way the third set of stairs when she heard him. That first foot step on the steel landing echoed and made her heart jump into her throat. She involuntarily gasped and focused on storming down the stairs.

"Kyoko!" He called out to her making her miss a step and stumble at the sound of her name. Luckily, she was only two steps away from the next landing and fell without really hurting herself. Panic set within her and she moved to get up, but then her mind noticed something odd.

No foot steps. She expected to hear him stomping down the stairs to reach her, but there was nothing. With her hand on the rail, she timidly looked up to locate where he was and was stunned in place.

Ren was sliding down the rail. Within a blink of an eye he had skipped all of the steps and landed softly onto the landing up and across from her. He saw her looking at him and captured her eyes with his. She saw such strength and determination that it made her take a step back. With that motion, he too stepped forward, lifting his leg up and sat on the rail to once again slide down and this time land directly above her.

The sound of his feet over her head spurred her into action. She was currently between floors, surely, she could reach the door to the next floor before he….

She was half way down when something moved beside her. Kyoko screamed at the unknown and her body instinctually ducked down to protect itself. She had no idea what had happened, nothing touched her, but she could feel it, could sense danger and the need to duck and cover. A loud thump made her raise her head from her crouched position beside the rail. There she saw him. Ren was raising up after landing in front of her.

It took a moment for her mind to catch up. She looked behind her and then in front of her and then again behind her. She rose up with her mouth gaped open as her brain finished the puzzle in her mind.

"ARE YOU CRAZY!?" She yelled at him. Completely forgetting her original goal, she came down the steps in a rage.

"Did you seriously just JUMP over a whole flight of stairs?! I cannot believe you just did that! What in the world are you thinking? Do you have any idea how dangerous that was? What if you hurt yourself!? You could have broken something! What if you hit me?! We could have fell down the stairs and broken both of our necks," she ranted as she finally reached him. It wasn't until he grabbed her wrist in a steel grip that made her realize what she did.

"We are doing this. Now," he commanded and reached for the door to head out. Her heart started to hammer in her chest not knowing what was about to come, fearing the worst. Ren hesitated as he opened the door, poking his head out the door and looking around. Kyoko tried to pull her hand out of his grip but to no avail. She pointed her fingers out to make her hand slimmer but nothing. Then she twisted it around in his grip hoping to break away and nothing. Her efforts only made him tighten his hold and hurt her so she relented. After a moment, he opened the door fully and walked out with her trailing behind him.

The hall way was clear which she knew it would be. He was looking around with urgency forcing her to keep up behind him. He found an empty room a few doors down and ushered her inside. He let go of her wrist as soon as she was inside and proceeded to block her only exit out.

Kyoko huffed as she babied her wrist and walked further into the room away from him. Instead of looking at him, she opted to look out the window. They were on the fourth floor of the LME building making her see that she was nowhere close to escaping him. It was late afternoon, but it was still bright and busy down below.

I wish I could teleport down there. She pouted. Look at all those free people. So safe and sound.

Never mind the fact that most of the people down there would have traded with her in a hot second. Trapped in a room with The Tsuruga Ren. What a dream.

Only because they don't know the real him. She snuck a glance at the lion that shared her cage with her peripheral vision but immediately looked down and away. He was leaning against the door watching her. With that knowledge, her body began to overreact. Her skin felt like ants were crawling all over her. She began to fidget and her back started to itch. This was absolute torture.

"Say something then!" She yelled out to the corner of the room. When the echo of her voice died off, only silence filled the room. Fine. Two can play this game. I can stand here all day watching the day go by without a worry in the world. She crossed her arms and was prepared to hold her ground until finally he spoke.

"Why won't you look at me?" He asked. Normally a question like that would be said with a touch of sadness or even anger, but his voice gave nothing away. It was as monotoned as the day he accused her of loving Sho again. His mask was perfectly in place and the deadness in his voice gave no comfort or hope that this conversation would go well.

Kyoko closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She tried to still her heart, tried to channel the calmness that he so easily portrayed, but weathering the storm that has been raging inside of her was not easily done.

Just turn around and look at him. Dry your eyes, don't let him see what he has done to you. Yet as she looked up and she willed her body to turn and face him, her legs felt like stone and chest weighed her down to the point that it was hard to breath.

I can't.

Thus, proving to herself that she was not the actress she wished she could be.

"You…"her voice croaked and she had to cough to clear her throat and licked her lips to speak again. "You wanted to talk, right? I'm listening." She was proud of herself. That sound normal to her.

She was right. Her voice sounded complete normal, but it did not sound like her at all. Ren watched her from his spot by the door and was trying not to think. Oh, his mind was racing a mile a second with thoughts and scenarios and ideas and theories about why she was acting this way, why she was ignoring him, why, why, why?!

But this was Kyoko. This woman always did things that he could never dream of coming up with on his own. It was always best to simply wait and watch what she would do. He was never right about anything he did when it came to her. Try as he might, it always went wrong.

He was tired of it going wrong, all he wanted was to understand.

"Please look at me," he asked again wanting to read her. All he did was study people, surely, he would get a better understanding of what she was thinking if he could see her face and read her as they spoke.

He saw her arms clasp around herself tighter and she shifted from one foot to another. He could see a small reflection of her face on the glass window, but it was not enough. There wasn't enough detail to tell what her expression was. If it were darker outside, then maybe…

"Look, just spill it already. Tell me whatever it is that you need to tell me. Lecture me on professionalism. That I'm being rude to my senior or whatever it is you want to tell me. Just say it so we can move on."

Ren sighed. He wanted to go to her, to force her to turn around and look at him, but there are no locks on these doors and he didn't want her to run. He had to stay put until this was settled.

"Is that what you want? To move on?" He asked carefully.

"Of course. Isn't that what you want too. That's why we are here right?" She raised her right hand from her crossarm grip to hold the bridge of her nose as if she was getting a headache. It hid her eyes from the small reflection he had in the glass. She looked tired.

"Why are you ignoring me?" First question. The biggest one at the moment.

"I'm not."

"Bullshit," he snapped and it stunned her almost to the point of looking at him, but she didn't.

"I'm giving you space," she corrected.

He glared at her. "Space. So all those times I called or emailed or texted you. The voice mails I left on your phone. Surely that meant that I wanted space," he said sarcastically.

She didn't answer, so he continued, "It's been a month."

28 days actually. She said to herself. Apparently, he felt like that deserved an answer from her because he stopped talking.

Feeling scorned, she retorted, "Why does that matter?"

It was his turned to be stunned. His heart just fell at the sound her callous voice. I guess it's true. She really does only see me as a senpai and nothing more. He was at a lost. His chest hurt and his mind was reeling from the blow. He didn't know what to think or do and his natural default came roaring in. He was angry and hurt.

"Ah," he said with a chilled voice. "So you get a few good tips, use some good connections to get some piddly roles and you think you're set. You've even got your man-child back into your arms."

"My what?!" She turned towards him trying to figure out what he was saying and then it dawned on her. Sho. Again, he is bringing up Sho.

"Ugh! That is disgusting!" She spat and turned towards him facing his wrath. Anger. She did better at dealing with his anger more than anything else he could throw at her. "Would you stop saying that! Listen and listen well!" She stepped to the table between them, both hands planted on the surface and took in a deep breath.

"I. AM. NOT. IN. LOVE. WITH. SHOTARU." She pronounced each word loud and clear all the while staring dead center into his eyes and she did not give him the chance to speak as she continued.

"Yes, he kissed me twice, but who cares!? Both times he took advantage of the situation just to get a rise out of me. He is a jerk and always did whatever he wanted. It's just him, but you wouldn't know that about him! You don't know anything about him! That's why I said that in the car. Don't presume that you know anything about Shotaru and what I went through with him. I told you the smallest snippet of our lives together and even though he hurt me at the end, he is still my family!"

Her own admission stunned her and made her stop speaking and straight up. Did I really say family? She frowned as her mind tried to process what she said and it somehow felt right, but then she realized who was in front of her and was quickly overcome with the fact that she was facing a bigger problem right now.

Still heated and sore, Ren spitefully replied, "Family? You don't kiss family like he kissed you."

Again, he really knew how to push her buttons. She growled, "Fine. You want to talk about kisses. Let's talk about kissing." She slammed her hand on the table with a loud smack and started to walk around the table towards him while talking, "I've had two men kiss me during my 17 years of life. Two!" She emphasized her point with her hands holding up two fingers.

"Now, how many women have you kissed, huh? I'm sure it's been more than two. Ten? Twenty? Let's see, how many lovers have you had? How many foreigners did you kiss hello to? How many "Thank You" kisses have you given besides mine? How many kissing scenes have you had?"

"Those don't count," he stated factually.

"YES," Kyoko seethed. "YES, they do! If the kisses that Sho FORCED on me count as a real kiss then every single kiss that you have ever given in your whole life count too!" She had finally reached him and stabbed a finger in his chest as a final period to her statement.

The argument had reached a boiling point and instead of backing away as he should have, Kuon went on the attack. He snapped up her hand the moment it jabbed him and forced it away at the same time as he grabbed her waist and held her to lean down and kiss her.

All he met was her hair though. She felt his body move, felt the pull of his arms take her closer to him and she curled down into his chest effectively avoiding him. Momiji burst into her soul and spun around under his arm and was able to leverage out of his hold on her. She took advantage of their size difference and was easily able to duck under his arm to escape.

"What the Hell are you doing?" she cursed. "I'm done. Move," she demanded and moved around him towards the door. Ren of course did not let her and placed his oversized hand on the door knob to blocked her exit.

"ARG! What do you want?!" Kyoko roared and stomped away from him into the room to pace.

Ren closed his eyes and swallowed Kuon down. This was not how he wanted this to go. How did everything get so screwed up in such a short amount of time? All he wanted to do was talk to her. To know why she was ignoring him and then all this extra drama happened. He had to calm down for both of their sakes.

"Mogami-san," he said calmly bringing her heated glare back to him. "I'm sorry."

She waited for more but there was nothing, so she threw her hands up the in air and nodded. "Alright. I accept," she announced. "I accept your apology and we are good now. May I go, please?"

Ren frowned at her obvious lie. "We both know it's not that simple."

Kyoko groaned and let her head drop in aggravation. "Fine. Go on then." Feeling like this was going to take forever, she walked over to the nearest chair and pulled it out to sit. She was holding on to her anger like a safety blanket. That's all she had to do until he said what he wanted to say – stay angry.

"I was wrong about your relationship with Fuwa. I'm sorry for assuming things," he conceded and Kyoko nodded.

"I would like to know why you were ignoring me," he asked sincerely but in a careful voice.

Kyoko looked away and it was her turn to hesitate. Her brow furrowed as she thought about it and she replied softly, "I needed time to processing things."

He frowned not understanding. "What things?"

She looked up out the window but he could tell she was struggling with the ideas in her head. Eventually, she shook her head and answered, "It's personal."

More and more questions swam circles in his head like sharks circling around a source of blood. This still didn't make sense to him and he had to keep going to find the source of her actions. "If it's personal, why would it make you ignore all my attempts of speaking with you?"

He watched her reaction. She pressed her lips together in frustration and clenched her hands into a fist until finally she looked back at him with hard gold eyes. "Why do you care so much? Why does it matter if I call you back or if I don't? I'm just…"

"I missed you," he interrupted making her words die in her throat. Again, she felt like he should be saying more. Explaining himself and elaborating on this one statement that made her heart jump around like a wild animal that wanted to pounce onto him and start licking him, but he didn't. That was all he was going to say?!

He's manipulating you. He tried to kiss you and now he is playing with your emotions. He's a playboy and a womanizer. He cannot live unless all females fall at his feet. Evil man!Her mind shrieked.

"Ah I get it now," she stood up and met his gaze, determined not to back down. "It's impossible for you to believe that someone could actually be ignoring you, isn't it? It doesn't matter how you feel about her, so long as you have her worshiping you. Mr. Sex on a Stick seduces all of his co-starts and pretends to be embarrassed at his Co-Star Killer nickname but you actually love it, don't you? You get a thrill from seeing everyone fall in love with you."

"Stop it," he cautioned in a threatening tone.

"Did it become too easy?" she continued. "All the young girls around you just melt into quivering puddles at your fake gentlemanly smile and is not worth the effort. Now older women. Those are a treasure. It takes a while to seduce them. But even the great Kusunoki Kana was no match for the incubus that is Tsuruga Ren."

"ENOUGH!" Kuon roared to make her stop, but she already said everything. However, it was his turn.

"You think you've got me pinned. Right from the start all you see is my looks and you think of him. All you ever think about is how much he hurt you and every handsome man is exactly the same just because they are good looking. I'm a playboy because EVERYONE thinks the same way you do. 'He's handsome so he probably sleeps around. He can get any woman he wants without trying, so it must be true.' It's not!" He proclaimed and walked up to her.

"Kusunoki-san kissed me! Without my consent," he finally announced. "Just like he kissed you. Do you know how many women have ran up to me and forced a kiss on me? They are not kind, they are not gentle, and they don't give a fuck about me. All they care about is kissing a movie star. They know nothing about me. I can't let my guard down at all around anyone!"

He was face to face with her. Her gold eyes were wide as they looked up at his. Her expression was shock, maybe confusion or perhaps she was just flustered that he was saying this much to her. Either way, just looking at her made him calm down.

"Except," he started and took a step back away from her making her frown.

And when he didn't continue, she asked, "What? Except what?"

"It doesn't matter anymore. I think I lost it," he told her and then turned to open the door. For as quick as Ren was, Kyoko can actually match his speed when determined enough. The door didn't open a fraction of an inch before it slammed closed again.

"No," Kyoko barked and then slipped under his arm to press her back against the door. "You tell me what you meant. You forced me into this room to talk so you are going to talk. EXCEPT WHAT?"

It was Ren's turn to look away. He didn't meet her eyes as he spoke, but he did let his hand drop from the door knob. However, he didn't feel like he had to distance himself away from her like she did. He rather enjoyed the closeness of her, but he didn't have to stare into those golden eyes as he spoke.

"I haven't felt like me in a long time since," he hesitated and then finished with a sigh, "since I met you."

Kyoko felt the world stop moving. She blinked up at him as he spoke.

Ren continued, "I thought nothing of you at first, but our paths kept crossing."

It was getting harder to breath. Is the air getting thicker?

"It was interesting seeing how much you've done to accomplish your goal every time I saw you. Frustrating but interesting. Then you genuinely started to learn acting and I couldn't help but get caught up in helping you. It was fun teaching you," he admitted with a timid voice.

She looked up at him then and… is he blushing?! No! That can't be right.

"After that, it just became harder. Everything became much more difficult."

Kyoko stared at him. He was frowning as he looked at the ground to their feet. There were several different emotions on his face: sorrow, pain and torment. She didn't understand and whispered.

"Why?"

He looked at her then, just by turning his head to the right towards her and she froze in wait of his reply.

"I had to make a choice. A choice I thought I was never going to have to make," he told her, but it still did not explain anything to her. He turned towards her, slowly spinning on the ball of his foot to face her stunned form. Kyoko saw movement and jumped as she saw his left hand very slowly lifting up towards her face.

"Www…wh…wha…what are you doing?" she softly stuttered and her eyes closed as soon as she felt the heat from his fingers at the side of her face.

"I chose you," he whispered and the press of his fingers at her jaw made her drop.

Literally, her knees gave out and she fell to the floor.

"Are you okay?!" he asked with genuine concern. He kneeled down and tried to help her up.

But Kyoko objected, "No!" Her hand shot up in a stop gesture and she shook her head. "No. Don't."

"Are you hurt? What happened?" he pressed as he hovered over her.

He was too close and she really wanted some air. "Just give me a minute," she told him. Of course, his understanding of her statement was different than hers. Instead of leaving her on the floor to right herself, he decided it was best to lift her up off the floor making her yelp in surprise and carry her to the chair she had been sitting in before. As soon as she was down and his arms fell away from her, she yelled.

"I just needed a Minute!"

"Sorry," he mumbled but didn't back away. Instead he stayed beside her with one knee on the ground and the other up as if he was going to propose… NO Kyoko stop it! She shook her head banishing that thought from existence.

"Kyoko-chan," he called out to her sending her into a spiral of emotions and making her whole body stiff. Her heart sang and she had to close her eyes before they betrayed everything.

"I want to have you in my life in whatever way it is that you are willing to accept me in it," he stated.

Kyoko frowned not understanding a single word he said. She started to shake her head with her eyes still closed and her heart slamming against her rib cage.

"If you want me to be your Senpai, ok," he told her.

"Wait," she whispered as she still shook her head.

"I want to be friends," he continued.

"Stop," she said stronger this time and started to rock back and forth in her chair but never once opening her eyes.

"Someday maybe there may be a way for things to change between us and…"

"STOP!" She screamed out and slipped out of the chair and started to pace back and forth.

"You are not allowed to say those things," she started to mumble, to rant. "You are not allowed to call out my name like that with your voice and sweet words. You're talking to the wrong person. I'm not…" She was stopped. Hands at her bicep stopped her in her tracks but she refused to look up.

"I'm talking to the only person I want to talk to. I'm with the only person in the world that I want to be with. Kyoko-chan look at me."

He whispered her name so sweetly that she couldn't help but do as he said. Tears had already filled her eyes and she had to blink to clear her vision as she looked up at death.

"Don't toy with me," she whispered with a throaty frightened voice.

He shook is head. "I'm not." Ren wiped away a tear from her cheek and then licked his lips as he stared at her beautiful face.

"I want to kiss you, but I'm afraid," he confessed making her eyes grow wide. "I'm afraid you won't believe my sincerity and I don't know how to prove it." His thumb ran along her bottom lip and a shuttered breath escaped his lips. "Still though, to taste you once again," he whispered and started to lean in.

However, instead of the press of her lips against his, her finger tips pressed against his mouth stilling him causing him to open his eyes to her again.

"Again?" She asked confused. Her eyes searched his face almost desperately and he could see it in her eyes. She figured it out.

"Corn," she mumbled. Her eyes swirled with confusion that became clear with knowledge and then burned with fury. He simply closed his eyes, not denying it.

"You think me a fool, don't you?!" She fumed and then gathered all her strength and shoved him off. "That was you in Guam! I'm so stupid! That whole time! And I even Confronted you about it! Still you said nothing! NOTHING! Just played me like the stupid little girl that I am!" She bellowed as she stomped away from him.

"No, it wasn't like that," he said trying to explain.

She turned to him again still angry. "How did you even know what he looked like? The Blonde hair and Green eyes. How did you know?! I can't believe I was stupid enough to believe that he would look like the one I most… ARG! Even your stupid voice! And your fake magic!"

"Kyoko-chan, Stop. Wait."

"Don't call me that! I'm not someone you can play around with. I'm not here for your amusement or your conquests. You are not allowed to take my only good childhood memory and

"Mogami-san"

"use it for your own sick twisted…"

"MOGAMI!"

"plaything just to laugh behind my"

"KYOKO! I REALLY AM CORN!" Ren yelled out over her finally stunning her to silence. He was breathing in and out heavily from the effort as she eyed him suspiciously.

"I don't want to see you again," she told him coldly and moved to walk out the door. Enough was enough.

He thought to hold her back with his hands but then words came pouring out.

"You were six and I was ten. I was visiting Kyoto with my father for two weeks on business. After a couple days, I got bored and started to explore the area when you came through the bushes crying. I was so surprised and was about to leave but then you saw me. A kid from California with blonde hair and green eyes, your tears instantly dried up and you were so excited when you asked if a was a fairy. I wanted more than anything to be someone other than who I really was so I said yes."

Kyoko didn't reach the door but was facing it as he spoke. She did not dare turn around while she listened.

"We played, every day in that same spot and you told me so much about yourself. Crying from your mother's words and gushing about your Prince Sho. I really only want to make you laugh and smile with my acrobatics. It was fun being your fairy. So much that time flew by until one day I had to go home. You were so broken hearted that I gave you the one thing that I treasured. The stone."

He hesitated, licking his lips nervously and he leaned over to try and see her face. "Did you know that I've been acting my whole life? I was acting even before I formed my first memory. My father is in the business too so by the time I met you all those years ago, I was in a bad place." Ren stepped closer to her looking at the still profile of her face.

"Even back then you made me feel something again. You reminded me the innocent joy of acting. The role you granted me of Corn rejuvenated my desire to act. You helped me more than that little stone ever did, so I gave it to you. I thought that the magic of those days would live on for you in that stone and in my memories. I thought I would never see you again. I never imagined that I would see you again like this."

Ren finished and then waited. Kyoko didn't move. He stepped forward again to get a better look at her face but she turned away. She was crying.

"Guam," she stated with thick voice.

He sighed. "My hair is dyed brown and I wear contacts to blend in better in Japan. I have to dye it back to my natural color when I travel with my passport. I didn't know you were coming in with Wood-san and you caught me by surprise."

"Why," Kyoko mouthed because her voice was not working so she cleared her throat and tried again. "Why did you lie to me? Why did you kiss me?" Her voice broke at the last two words but was clear enough for him to understand.

"You know why," he said matter-of-factly.

"Because of the "curse" she said sardonically.

He shook his head even thought she couldn't see it. "I told you why. I was not lying to you."

Kyoko started to visibly shake making Ren frown in concern. He did take that final step to look at her. Her face was squeezed tight with emotion, eyes and mouth all shut down in anger and pain.

"Kyo…" he started but didn't' finish as she snapped her red tear drowned eyes open to look at him.

"All you do is lie," she growled. "Everything about you is a lie. Your name. Your origin. Your career. Your magic. It's all a lie, so tell me." She took a shaky deep breath and let it out.

"WHAT part of what you told me in Guam am I suppose to believe? That you are Corn? Fine. It makes more sense to believe that Tsuruga Ren is Corn than to believe that Corn was an actual Fairy Prince."

Ren sadly looked down. "Mogami-san, I never wanted to ruin that for you."

"Well you did a shitty job of trying to protect it!" She shouted. "Maybe if you just told me there on the beach, it would have come out better. We spent hours talking. I even asked you why you looked like Ren and you lied to me again. Then you…" her voice dropped and her anger was replaced with hurt.

Again, the tears were falling against her will. "Why did you kiss me? Why did you make up that story just to kiss me? That meant something to me." She broke down here. The weight of the conversation finally caught up to her and her pain and anger and hurt ran down her face bawling. Knowing the ugly that came from love, Kyoko reached up and covered her face, to hide once again.

Ren was at a loss. She was right. So much of what he did, he had no idea it would be damning him this much. His heart was imploding within his chest at the sight of her, witnessing what he did to her. He wanted to tell her again. I love you. That's why I kissed you. I've been wanting to kiss you for so long.

But it was just as Lori told him. He couldn't show her his love because she believed he did that with everyone. His kiss meant nothing. He could run his mouth until he lost his voice and they would be all lies to her.

Perhaps it's best to let her go.

But she…

I know.

She the only one to ever make us feel like we can do anything.

She is.

She is the only one that can stop you.

It doesn't matter anymore. I should have died a long time ago. Maybe this can finally be the end.

I should tell her now. I promised her I would tell her everything when the moment is right.

And you think now is the right time to tell her that we are a murdering sociopath? Besides, she won't believe us.

Then someone she trusts has to tell her.

It was raining. Her soul finally burst and let out everything that was pent up inside of her and forced it down her face. She burst into full on crying when nothing was said and nothing was done. She felt cold and alone and was in more pain than even before. The only question left in her mind was why was she still here.

Kyoko took a breath and let it out. Took another and another and then finally dropped her hands. Her ears were deaf with the sound of her own pain in her chest so she did not hear the soft words of Ren speaking. Even if she did, she didn't want to listen anymore. Every word out of his mouth only caused her more torment and now even her past joys were tainted. It seemed like nothing in her past would ever be remembered as something good anymore. It was all stained.

Through watery eyes she saw her escape was clear and she took a step to it. Two more and she was free. Her hand reached out for that silver door handle when a call out of a name stopped her.

"Kuon."

Kyoko blinked. Was that? No. It couldn't be.

"Kuon, turn around."

That voice. English. It couldn't possibly be.

"Kuon. I did not raise a boy that would disrespect his father like this," Kuu called out to her using his fatherly voice and it indeed made her turn around. Ren stood there with his arm stretched out holding his phone out to her, and there on the screen was Father.

"Fa…Father? How?" she whimpered as her tears refreshed as she looked at them.

"There's my boy," Kuu praised her with a smile she had grown to love and the familiarity of it rang clear in her mind. Her eyes darted to the man on the screen to the man behind the screen holding it up, and she felt utterly defeated.

"You're kidding me, right?" she sobbed and let her tears fall again. "That's your… He's your…. " her eyes dropped as her tears did letting the truth be unspoken.

"Kuon," Kuu called out again making Kyoko look up at the phone again. "Are you sure about this?"

Kyoko didn't understand the question so she looked up at Kuon. His mouth was pressed firm in a little line as he nodded and then realized that it couldn't be seen.

"Tell her everything" he told his father. "I don't want to hide anything from her anymore."

Kuu nodded and then looked directly at Kyoko. Even though the phone's only option was to look at her, this time she could tell his intent to speak with her and only her.

"Kyoko-chan, I want to first and foremost apologize," he said and bowed down, disappearing from the phone for a moment and then coming back.

"KUON! BOW!" He ordered and Kuon quickly did the same.

"I'm sorry, Mogami-san," he whispered and then stood up a moment later. Instead of holding the phone back up for her to see, Kuu started speaking to his son.

"Give Kyoko-chan the phone and I'll talk to you later about all this, because if you think I'm going to be okay with not knowing everything you are dead wrong," he told his son, making him blanch but he hesitated. "Dad, shouldn't I stay?

"No. This is going to be difficult enough without you there hovering. If Kyoko-chan is still willing to talk to you after tonight, she'll give you back the phone. Otherwise, I'm sure Lori will give it back to you tomorrow."

She could tell that he didn't like this, but the damage was done and there was no going back. He handed the phone to her and she carefully took to so that she was looking at Kuu. He had sat down and was smiled softly up at her. However, Kuon was still there instead of leaving. She looked up at him confused but drained from everything.

"Mogami-san. Ask any question you want from him. I hope," he wavered. "Even though he is my father, he has no reason to lie to you. Um…. Oh, if you get locked out for whatever reason, the pin is 0213."

"Okay," she nodded.

"Alright, well Good night then," he murmured.

Kyoko stepped aside and watched him leave the room. The door clicked closed and she kept staring at it to the point of making Kuu call out to her.

"Kyoko-chan?"

"Ah, yes?! Hi, Hizuri-san," she turned the phone up so that her face shown on the little picture at the top corner of the screen. "How… how are you?"

He frowned a deep and mournful frown. "How did I go from Father to Hizuri-san again? If I was in that room, I'd flick your forehead, child. You children truly do drive us to our graves. I tell you."

"I'm sorry, Hizu… er.. um…" Kyoko blushed as she whispered the order. "Father. I didn't mean to offend you."

That soft smiled returned to her and she saw Ren… Kuon in it. How could she have been so blind? It was so obvious that they were related. Father and son. Ren was Hizuri Kuu's son.

"Kyoko-chan, are you sitting down? I'm afraid this is going to take a while to talk about. And while I may not be able to answer all of your questions like he could. I'm going to do my very best."

Kyoko could only nod. This time the gesture was seen as she saw herself in the little picture nodding back at her. She sat down and Kuu started to talk about his favorite subject - his son, Kuon.

It took hours just as promised to tell her everything. About an hour into the talk, Kuu was telling her stories of Kuon's childhood and had her laughing and smiling again. Something about a crying woman made both of the Hizuri men work their hardest to make it stop. It seemed that Kuu wanted to go in chronological order as he spoke about Kuon as a baby and all of the work he did as a child. She could see the love pouring out of each word for him and it brought such joy in her heart to hear it.

But she could tell that has the years went by, things got more and more difficult for Kuon. It was about the eight-year-old mark, when the first real story of Kuon's troubles came out from Kuu's mouth. There was one particular child actor that butted heads with Kuon. They had worked together before and for some reason in this film it was brought to their attention that there was trouble between them.

"Julie and I did everything we could to help him, but in the end, he was let go from his role in that film. They recasted his part and reshot all of his scenes. He never wanted us to interfere or to use our status to help him, so we didn't. Thinking back on it now, I should have done it anyway. I treated him like an adult and allowed him to decide his career choices for himself. But he was only eight years old, a child, and I should have been there as his shield, his protector like a father is supposed to be."

"You did what you thought was best for him. There was no way of knowing if what you would have done would have made it worse or better," she comforted him and he smiled at the sweet girl.

"That's true, but it didn't end there," he said sadly.

More stories, more bullying and lost jobs. He was telling her about his trip to Kyoto, telling her about his intentions and goals for the trip. His hopes that seeing his home land would help and he was so pleased that it did. Kyoko blushed at his words, knowing that there was more to this trip that what Kuu knew. In the mist of the story, there was a knock at the door.

"Ah, um.. Excuse me, Father. Someone is at the door." She left the phone on the table and Kuu watched her go and even turned his head towards where she disappeared to as if he too could see who was at the door.

"Yes?" she timidly opened the door, wondering if maybe there was a meeting that was scheduled to be in this room.

"Mogami Kyoko?" One of the LME security guards was at the door and behind him was a food delivery man. She nodded as she opened the door wider.

"Mogami-san, did you order food?"

The sound of food instantly made her stomach rumble and the older gentleman smiled. "That sounds like a yes." He turned to the man and nodded his approval.

"I was told to tell you that it was from Corn. Does that mean anything to you?" The man took out his take out box and on top was a charging cable which confused her for a moment but then she blushed and nodded with a small smile.

"Yes, thank you. Let me get my wallet," she informed him and he shook his head.

"Already paid for. Have a good evening, miss." He bowed and then left with the guard.

Of course, he paid for it.

"Kyoko-chan? Is everything alright?" Kuu called out to her and she replied back.

"Kuon-san bought me dinner and anticipated that the phone would probably die during our conversation. One moment, Father." She looked around and had to move down to the end of the table to plug the phone into the power outlet. Once she settled down, she placed the meal in front of her and her father drooled at it through the phone.

She laughed. "I'm sorry for teasing you like this, Father. Just know that there wouldn't' be enough for you in this one box."

He laughed. "No, but I've got it covered." The phone moved as he got up and started walking. She saw a lot of nothing but then he set her down on what looked like a kitchen counter. "I'll make myself something to eat while you eat and I'll tell you more about Kuon."

"Okay," she agreed and opened the bento. Warmth filled her as hamburger steak with the fired egg on top filled her eyes. He remembered that it was her favorite. The first bite almost made her want to cry.

Luckily, Kuu's voice distracted her from her emotions that is until Kuon turned 13. He quit acting again and was never home. When he did come home, he was almost always beaten and bruised from fighting. He was skipping school to go out and party or to fight. It seemed that Kuon enjoyed the fighting more than playing with girls. Playing was Kuu's word not hers. He never met any of the girls, so he felt like they were never serious for him. But the press often got pictures of him with girls, so he knew there was a few of them in his life.

Once again, Kuu and Julie tried their best to protect Kuon from the press and the police, but they no longer felt like they could stop him from doing anything. The only person he would ever listen to was Rick.

"Rick was a blessing and a curse in our eyes," he told her. "We weren't sure if he was helping Kuon or making things worse. I'm sure you know how difficult it is to have a moment's peace in our careers, so even if we felt like Rick was the source of Kuon's delinquency, nothing short of sending Kuon to West Point would have stopped him."

Kyoko did ask questions when she didn't understand a reference such as West Point being a military school in New York. She even asked for more details about certain things, but she usually stayed quiet as he told her about Kuon's life. Kyoko had finished her meal before Kuon turned 14 and Kuu had started eating his, but it was forgotten.

"Kuon was 15 when Rick died," he said mournfully. "The police came by with Kuon in handcuffs, he as bloodied and dirtied and looking like a shell of himself. We got nothing from him about what happened. The police told us everything. There was a fight in one of the back streets of downtown LA. There were several kids taken to the hospital and one that died on the scene."

Kuu hesitated as he recalled that night. Kyoko waited with bated breath for him to continue. "It was a hit and run. They never found out who did it. With 4 million people living in this area, a hit and run is impossible to connect to the death. It was Rick's girlfriend that called it in. I don't remember her name anymore, but Kuon was never the same after his death. He locked himself into his room, never eating, didn't bathe, didn't want to see the light of day. Kyoko, we were losing our only son," he choked and could tell this still troubled him deeply.

"I had called in anyone would could help: grief councilors, therapists from all over the US. I flew them out to see him and nothing worked. Julie still hasn't forgiven me for this, but I called Lori. I had worked with him early in my career and he came out. It had been three months of torture before Lori was the one to convince him to come out. He looked like death, a weak shadow of who he was." Kuu stopped and Kyoko could see the tears falling from his eyes. It wasn't until a drop fell onto her hands that she noticed she was crying too.

"I agreed to everything. We were not to call him or write him. We couldn't step foot in Japan while he was there. I told anyone who asked that he was in a retreat to help him though the loss and then after that he was at some vacation spot with friends but never here at home. Thankfully, everyone stopped asking after a year or so. We would have agreed to anything if it mean that Kuon would get better. Still, we never would have thought it would take this long."

"How long did it take?" Kyoko asked innocently.

He looked at her sadly. "This would be year six. Last year when I met you was when I broke my promise and forced him to speak with me. Julie was livid that I came without her, but she wouldn't have been able to control herself if she saw him in public and I didn't want all that time to go to waste. I didn't want to reset the clock on his time away from us just because I broke my promise to stay away."

"Oh father," Kyoko desperately wanted hug the man that was an ocean away from her, but her sympathetic tears were her only available comfort.

"I'm alright. We have a video from him that we've watched about a thousand times and we get updates from Lori about his progress. Internet has also allowed us to watch his work and yours too."

Kyoko was shocked at this. "Mine? Why mine?"

He gave her an incredulous look and exclaimed, "Why would I not watch my own child's work?!"

She blushed and couldn't find the words to state how much that meant to her other than, "Thank you."

"You're doing good, Kyoko. Are you doing anything now?" He asked and she told him all about Sacred Lotus of the Mire. He listed while he finally started to eat his forgotten meal.

After she caught him up with her life at the moment, he quietly offered her some advice, "Kyoko. I know all of this has been heavy and uncomfortable and simply a lot of information. Probably a lot more than you needed or what Kuon wanted me to tell you. Something happened between the two of you that made him unearth his darkest most hidden secret to you."

Kyoko took a breath as Kuu continued, "And even with all that said, no one is allowed to hurt you, my baby girl, not even my own stupid son."

She burst into a tearful laugh. "That wasn't what I was expecting you to say."

He smiled and chuckled. "I would never want anyone to sacrifice their own happiness for anyone else, and if he did something to make you cry the way you did when I first saw you this evening, then he doesn't deserve you."

Kyoko looked down as her tears fell heavier. She sniveled as she spoke, "But I'm in love with him."

He smiled a sad smile and nodded. "I know. Only love could make someone cry like that."

She cried softly in front of her father and he let her do so. He too wanted to hold her, and wondered if she would agree to flying out here one day, but then if she didn't want to see his son ever again, perhaps his family would be excluded too. The thought made him sad but it was something he would have to accept. In the mist of her crying, something or someone distracted his attention away from the phone.

"Ah, K. Hold on."

Kyoko heard him whispering and her curiosity overrode her tears. He had moved from the screen just as she looked up and she called out to him, "Father?" He didn't answer right away and she waited as she wiped away her tears.

A minute later, he popped his head back into view with a big smile. "Kyoko, would you like to meet my wife?"

Kyoko's eyes widened and she straightened up in her chair. "Your wife? You mean Kuon's mother? Julie-san?"

He smiled and disappeared again. As Kyoko tried to compose herself as the world's most beautiful woman appeared in the screen before her. Beautiful golden blonde hair fell in thick gorgeous waves around the most stunning beautiful face she had ever seen. Green eyes looked back at her with a beautiful smile to match.

"Konnichiwa, Kyoko-chan," she greeted her in perfect Japanese.

"Ah, Hello Hizuri-sama. It is my honor to meet you," Kyoko replied formally in English, letting her know that she could speak the language to help her.

"Oh, Kuu, she is darling. Kyoko-chan, I'm fluent in Japanese, you don't have to speak in English for me. And I insist that you call me mother," she told her making Kyoko flush with embarrassment.

"But I couldn't. I mean we just met and you are so… It wouldn't be proper," Kyoko replied flabbergasted.

Julie pouted and Kyoko saw those puppy dog eyes that Cain had used against her. Her sparking green eyes immediately started to tear up and she batted her eyelashes at her.

"You call Kuu Father, but refuse to call me Mother? Oh, I'm so heart broken. My baby boy won't speak to me and now you won't…"

"Okay. Mother," Kyoko said and then immediately blushed. "I'm sorry, mother. It's just so very sudden."

Her tears and pouts immediately dried up and she smiled blindly at Kyoko making her turn away from the brightness. There is that earth-shattering smile. That smile even from another woman could banish the evilest of spirits. It would probably purify the Beagle.

Kyoko was captured into another long conversation being led by Julie. She was so fast with her questions, Kyoko could barely keep up with answering. It was overwhelming but wonderful. Sadly, eventually things had to end. It was nearing 11pm for her when Julie pouted stating that she had to get ready to leave for work. Though she quickly made Kyoko promise to call them again soon, and if she didn't, she'd fly over to check on her. Kyoko laughed, but then wondered if she really would. She just didn't know.

Once she said her good byes and the screen on the phone went dark, Kyoko took a breath having never felt so much of everything in her entire life. Love, sadness, regret, happiness, joy, relief and terror all at once and all about one man.

Tsuruga Ren was Hizuri Kuon was Corn.

How in the world did one man become so important to her life in so many different ways? And how did he do it while making her believe they weren't the same damn person. She still felt so stupid for that, and while he had some very interesting reasons for his life choices, it was up to her to either accept it or not.

She packed up everything to leave for the night. When Kyoko arrived at the lobby, it was pitched dark outside, even though the lights from all the buildings lit up the streets. She hesitated with Kuon's phone and charger in her hand. It was fully charged because she had it plugged in all evening. It was so late now, but her mind was racing. Was his?

She flipped his phone in her hand, watching the screen capture the light and then turn to the simple black cover he put on his phone. Her fingers grazed the power button lighting up the screen.

Fingerprint does not match

Her thumb swiped up revealing the number pad to put in the pin number. Again, she hesitated, the curiosity of it swimming through her. What little secrets were in his phone? He wanted me to know everything, right?

0

He told me who he was.

2

I spoke to his parents.

1

Everything. Including this…

3

The phone opened to reveal a generic background of blue. The standard apps filled the bottom of his screen: Phone, camera, contacts, maps, messages, email.

Her thumb hovered over the screen over the messages and then email and then pictures. Her mind didn't know which to pick first. Her heart was racing. It was hammering in her chest, in her ears and pounding in her head.

No, this is wrong.

She shut her eyes and quickly stuffed his phone into her bag. She shook herself of the temptation and looked out to the darkened streets. She should call a cab. He would be upset if I walked home.

Kyoko sighed. "Why does it matter! I've walked home a dozen times, all after work without any issues what so ever!"

With her head held high, she walked out the door. The cold evening air blew and chilled her skin making her turn around and walk back into the lobby.

"It's cold," she said to herself reasonably as she reached for her phone. "Too cold to be walking around at night."

It would take 10 minutes for the cab to come by. Time. Time to wait. Time to think. Too much time. Too many thoughts. Ren is Corn. Corn is Kuon. Kuon is Ren. She sat down on one of the benches in the lobby. Her mind running through the conversation with Kuu and Julie.

Kuon lost his way and one of the closest people to him died in an effort to safe him. He blamed himself. All this time, he blamed himself. Does he still? After six years?

She sighed. Humans were able to hold on to anything for their entire lives. A grudge. Hate. Disgust. Self-loathing.

Another sigh.

"Love," she whispered to herself.

Isn't that supposed to be forever. Isn't love an emotion that lasts until death? I mean that is what marriage is. To commit yourself to one person until death? So if love lasts for a lifetime, then all the other emotions can last just as long.

Tears welled up from her eyes at the thought. Kuon lost in the world of self-hatred and guilt. Suddenly, there was a loud knock beside her causing her to find its source. Her cab was here. Kyoko quickly gathered her things and went to the cab. She gave him an address and he took off.

Her mind was still buzzing, but she was too awake to go to sleep. It wasn't long before the cab stopped and she felt foolish for paying for something that she could have ran or walked to without issue. She paid and wished him a good evening and he the same to her as she stepped out in front of Kuon's building.

Kyoko stepped into the lobby and walked over to the elevator pushing the button for up when the building doorman walked up.

"Good Evening Madam. Did you lose your key card?"

Kyoko turned and bowed to him in greeting. "Um, no. I'm not a resident here. I was looking to visit someone."

"I'm sorry, but unless you are expected, visitors are not permitted after 10pm for security reasons. May I have your name and the room number?"

Kyoko gnawed at her lip and tentatively answered the question. There was no way she was expected. It was nearing midnight, and normally he would be out and she could catch him coming in thus he would be the one to escort her up to his place. She never noticed him using a card to use the building elevator only his home, but maybe she just missed it. He was at home now and there was no way of letting him know she was here since she had his phone.

"You are a registered visitor; however, and please excuse me, but due to the hour, is he aware of your visit?"

Kyoko choked and quickly lied by nodding her head. Oh I'm going to hell. She screamed to herself as the gentleman nodded and walked around his desk to let her into the elevator. He wished her a pleasant evening as she pushed the twelve button and the doors closed in front of her.

I'm a registered visitor? Oh God, what am I doing? It's midnight! He's asleep. I shouldn't be here. I lied to that poor man doing his job. I'M A REGISTERED VISITOR?!

The elevator dinged snapping her out of her hysteria but she suddenly didn't want to get off. Though if she didn't, maybe there was no way to get back up if she changed her mind again, so she should get off.

Get off…

Now…

Before the door closes…

The door started to close and Kyoko jumped out as if something bit her. She stood there watching the door open again and then close all the while catching her breath. She took a deep breath as she faced the hall leading to the front door of his apartment.

"Okay, you're here. Knock and if he doesn't answer, just leave the phone there and go home. You can't say you didn't try so it will be fine. The man needs his sleep. He will be sleeping. Don't ring the doorbell. Just knock so you don't wake him up," Kyoko talked to herself all the way to his door and then her throat seized up as she raised her hand and VERY softly knocked on his door.

She groaned. Even I didn't hear that! She took a breath and gave it a proper knock, one that would wake up the dead.

Kuon could not sleep. He knew it was useless to stay awake. That there would be no point in doing so, yet here he was wide awake with his head buzzing with upsetting uncertainties and fear driven nightmares.

He did try to go to sleep. It was too early to do so when he returned home from LME, and he had to keep himself busy from what he knew was happening without him. Honestly, this was a living nightmare for him. The number of times Kuon had turned around to head back into that empty little room was embarrassing. Or perhaps insane would be a more accurate description. Yes, right about now, Kuon was borderline insane with worry and fear. His 15-minute drive home lasted a little over an hour, though to him it felt like only minutes had passed.

Therefore, he kept himself occupied with working out, cleaning, and getting ready for the next day. He tried to read his scripts, to review his schedule for the upcoming days, but the moment he stopped to think all he could think about was her. The anger, the pain, the fear. His heart would start to race within him and it got harder to breath at each and every passing heartbeat until finally he'd force himself to move, to shut down and redirect his mind to something else.

It was eleven o'clock when he took to the bottle. He had to sleep. A nightcap would help. A little brandy to calm him down and muddle his head enough to fall asleep. He couldn't stay up waiting all night. He wasn't even sure what he was waiting for? There would be no calls tonight, and he was confident that she wouldn't want to see him after everything she would be told.

She's never going to look at us let alone speak to us again.

You don't know that. Kyoko will… she'll….

Forgive us? You heard her earlier. She doesn't believe a damn word we say or a damn thing we do. We are as fake to her as when we look in the mirror. Nothing but a cold, dark, soulless shell of a human, if that is what we even are.

The brandy bottle was soon emptied and he could feel his body heavy and warm. It was about the only warmth he could get at the moment. The alcohol did not let him fall into a mindless slumber. Instead it would guarantee a more fitful night filled with horrible images and haunting memories. He would need more if he wanted to blackout properly.

However instead of his next drink, a thunderous knock echoed in his dark, quiet condo jerking him up from his position on the couch. The drinking glass that was resting on his chest fell to the ground with a thump at the sudden motion and but he did not bother to pick it up. Adrenaline surged through his veins making him more awake than ever as he frowned at the door wondering who it could be at this hour.

For the first time tonight, his mind was clear and blank because it would not, could not think of a single person who would be behind that door.

Perhaps it's just my imagination.

That was extremely loud dream.

Kuon carefully walked to his front door. If there was a person, then they would knock again, right? He listened carefully as he crept forward slowly, waiting, but there was nothing. Even though he convinced himself that it was just a dream, or some odd auditory hallucination, he checked the peephole and stopped breathing.

It was flash. Just a single moment of copper hair shaking back and forth and a hand lightly slapping her face and then it was gone.

Kuon jerked the door open quicker than he took his next breath to yelled out, "WAIT!"

Kyoko yelped and spun around surprised to see him. Deep down inside, she didn't expect him to be up, not really. She didn't think that she would be actually seeing him so soon after everything, so to see him now, looking wide awake and almost frantic was unexpected and she was a loss of what to do.

Neither of them spoke as they looked at each other. Both were equally stunned yet happy and scared at the same time. Finally, it became too much and Kyoko bowed in apology.

"I didn't mean to wake you up. I just wanted to bring back your phone," she said as she pointed to it. Kuon looked down at it with the charging cable neatly wrapped next to it.

"So then I'll be going now," she stated jarring Kuon forward.

"NO, Please," he called out to her as she turned to walk away. He licked his lips and took a tentative step out to the hall.

"Um, Is… is that all? Do you… um… have questions or…," he faltered unsure of the situation but desperately not wanting her to leave, not when he had her here so soon.

He watched her hesitate or think it over, but again she wouldn't turn around. It killed him inside that she wouldn't look at him. Especially now…Now that she knows.

She doesn't want to look at us. A murderer. A killer. An unworthy monster.

"Is that really okay?" she whispered but it was too quiet for him to hear over his own mind.

Instead of hearing her, he filled in the blanks from his own thoughts. Looking dejected, he mumbled, "I understand if you don't want to see me again."

Without looking at her, he stepped back to bend down and pick up his phone and charger. As he stood up, and before he could disappear into his apartment, Kyoko appeared before him with her hand on his forearm. His body stopped half way up and stared at her tiny hand on his arm.

"Kuon-san, May I come in?" She asked softly.

His heart stopped and he suddenly couldn't get enough air into his lungs. His sight moved up her arm to her face and she was looking up at him softly. Not smiling, but she was not horrified or disgusted with him. She was here. She came back.

Air rushed out in and out of his mouth as he looked at her and his mask fell apart. Tears filled his eyes instantly and his brow furrowed in pain and anguish as he fell to his knees before her. His phone dropping from his grip. She gasped at the sudden action and then stiffened as he hugged her and started to cry.

Kyoko wasn't prepared for this. Her arms were pinned to her side inside of his arms and he cried openly yet softly against her chest. Her mind still hadn't completely wrapped around everything she learned today. There were no decisions made about this man yet but something inside of her gave his address to the driver. That same something lied to the doorman and then forced her to wake him up to see him.

Tears burned at her eyes as they threatened to fall and her chest felt heavy. Not just because of the man holding her, but because of everything stirring, swelling and weeping inside of her for him. So she let him cry and wept with him. It only took a tiny motion to get her arms free and with that she wrapped her arms around his head and rested her cheek on top of his head.

They weren't sure if it was minutes or hours spent in that open doorway but Kyoko was thankful that he didn't have neighbors. When she felt him his tears and breathing start to slow, she thought it would be okay to break the spell and go inside.

"Perhaps we should sit down," she said as she loosened her arms around him to look at his face. He did not look up at her but nodded slightly in acknowledgment. He got up and twisted away to hide his face as she held the door open for her. She bent down to retrieve his phone and set it on the small table beside the door while looking at him in awe.

Is he embarrassed of the tears?

A smile threatened her lips and she quickly scolded herself for thinking him cute in a time like this. Oh God, I'm such a stupid girl.

She sighed silently to herself as she slipped off her shoes and walked inside. It was dark and quiet in his apartment as one should be in the middle of the night. Guilt filled her as she again believed that she woke him up for her own selfish reasons. She heard the door close behind her and struggled not to turn around. She said they would sit so that was where she was heading. Though perhaps she should have left to let him sleep. That would have been the right thing to do.

Or not come at all… Her mind reprimanded, but the thought of not coming simply felt wrong.

As she rounded the couch to sit, she saw the fallen glass and empty liquor bottle. Her lips pressed together, trying not to think the worse and felt that perhaps it wasn't as bad as it looked since he seemed coherent enough. She picked up both and set them on his table and then proceeded to sit down just as he caught up.

Her heart was racing as she looked at anything other than him. If someone were to ask her how she felt, she would instantly say afraid, but she was really excited and nervous which speaks volumes as to who was driving her into this madness.

She opened her mouth to speak and turned to look at him and found him half asleep slouching on the couch.

"I really did wake you up, didn't I," she stated with a frown.

He shook his head. "No. I couldn't fall asleep. Not with what was happening and not knowing."

She tiled her head curiously as she watched him. His eyes were clouded and lids were heavy. She could tell his breathing was heavy and slow as if he were on the verge of sleeping. Or perhaps there was more in that bottle than she initially thought.

Does that mean he won't remember this? It saddened her to think that he may be drunk. That the emotional display from before wasn't real and once again, there would be that unknown gap between them once he sobered up. She had dealt with drunks before, but never really paid attention enough to know what was going on with Kuon.

"Kuon-san," she started but then stopped as he snorted.

He was smiling and it instantly made her smile.

"I never thought I'd hear that name again so soon."

Kyoko cocked an eyebrow. "Seriously. Six years is soon?" she said sardonically.

The smile instantly vanished followed by a deep frown. He turned his head to look at her and had to blink a few times, but he didn't say anything, nor did she. She looked away to the darkened apartment not knowing why she said that, but she wouldn't take it back.

"It feels weird having someone else know," he finally said after several moments past.

"Do you regret it?" she asked her lap, preferring to look at her hands rather than him. "Do you regret telling me?"

"No," he answered quickly causing her to look over at him. He was softly gazing at her with sparkling drowsy eyes. "Do you?"

She frowned not understanding. "Do I what?"

"Do you regret it? Do you wish that you never met me? Do you wish that we never met again and your Corn was still alive as your fairy prince?"

Her gut reaction was to yell out NO but as Kyoko opened her mouth and took that breath to do so, the word did not come out. Again, the silence around them filled the room feeling thick and heavy. Movement caught her eye and she saw his hand sliding over the couch cushion to touch her but fell short. She watched as his hand curled up into a loose fist of uncertainty.

"I can't say that I liked the way you went about doing things," she told him while looking at his hand rather than his face. "In fact, I hate it quite a bit. It's infuriating and," she took a deep breath and let it out. She let her hand drop from her lap and moved to meet with his timidly.

"I'm embarrassed," she confessed as her hand moved its way over to his fist. "I want to believe that I knew deep down inside that the man I met in Guam was really you," her fingers lifted up to touch him, "but I didn't want to. You were already so twisted up in my mind that I didn't need another reason, another thing to weaken my defenses." She grazed her fingertips against his hand caressing it lightly.

"But wishing that I never met you as Ren Tsuruga or Corn, that would be a lie," she said with her voice choking up a little. She watched as his hand opened up and twisted to hold her hand within his. Then he moved, lifting forward from his slouching position to lean in towards her. She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and gave him a weak smile.

"You don't hate me?" he asked her softly and she shook her head.

"Did Dad…" Kuon swallowed his nerves and fear and finished, "did he tell you want happened? Did he tell you what I did?"

Kyoko pressed her lips together and frowned. "He told me about Rick-san's death. He said that you believed your actions lead to his death."

"It's True!" Kuon jerked away and cowered within himself, head hanging down with his hands and arms hiding himself.

"I Killed him. It's my fault. He would be alive if…"

"If you stopped," Kyoko interrupted to finish for him. Kuon peeked a little at her but then hid again, tightening his grip in his hair, so much that it looked painful, even to her.

"Do you wish you had died instead of him?"

"Yes," he replied so quickly and so frankly that it broke her heart. She slid over and placed her hand over his. Her touch shocked him and make him jerk away but it also made him let go of his poor hair. She took his right hand within both of hers while he watched, cradling it as she pulled it towards her lips and kissed his knuckles.

"I'm happy you are alive," she told him with a sigh and then looked into his eyes. "I'm sorry that you lost him. I can't imagine what you have been going through all these years, but I can't say that I feel the same way as you do."

Kuon had straightened up as she spoke and she saw the tears forming in his eyes again. "You don't know. The things I've done, the people I've hurt. You wouldn't think that if you knew."

She let their hands drop to her lap and leaned forward. She could see his eyes widened but he did not move. Kyoko hesitated, not really sure if she wanted to do this, but then there was a little push.

She pushed herself up, her right hand letting go of his and placing it on his shoulder for support, and then kissed him. It was a small kiss but major to her standards. Her heart was in that kiss and she hoped he understood what that meant. She pressed her forehead against his to speak, her hand sliding to the back of his neck and her other hand coming up to do the same.

"I'm ready," she told him a little breathless. "I'll listen to everything you have to say and I will not doubt you. I will not scorn you. I will not leave you. I'm ready when you are."

Again, tears fell from his eyes so that when he pulled her in and kissed her, she tasted the salt. Kyoko was a little shaken from his kiss but did not pull away. He did not press her further either. He broke the kiss with a sob and pulled her into tight embrace.

Kuon fell asleep with his head on her lap while she played with his hair. He was laying on his side with his face was nuzzling her stomach and his arm laying limp behind her back. He was snoring softly, the hot breath going through her clothes making her smile.

Oh, I am such a fool.

Kyoko fell asleep shortly thereafter.

The next morning found Kyoko laying on the couch by herself with a blanket over her. The daylight that was peeking through his curtains looked extremely bright for it to be early morning. Knowledge of what transpired last night, of where she was now, and how late she probably was for work snapped her awake and looking around the room frantically for the time.

9:30AM

Okay, it's not too bad. If I get can get home quickly to change and call a cab, I'll only be a little late. Maybe if I don't change and head directly into wardrobe, I won't be late at all.

Kyoko stood up and looked around.

But where's Kuon?

He wasn't anywhere obvious like the kitchen or dining room. She walked down the hall towards his bedroom but stopped at his door. It was open, but to go in… she wasn't sure. He was not in the room from where she could see and while it was a large room, it was open without any real hiding spots.

"He must have left," she said solemnly. Why did that make her feel so bad? He has work to do. Just like I do. And he is never late, no matter what the circumstances are.

Still the heavy empty feeling she was feeling wouldn't go away as she put on her shoes. A quick glance around the place did not reveal a note saying he left. Her phone had no new messages either, though she would like to think that she would have woken up if it rang.

Not wanting to dwell on it, she pulled the door open just as it beeped and an outside force pushed it in.

"Kyoko!" Kuon exclaimed and then frowned, "You're leaving?"

"Ah, yes," she replied with a blush at the sound of her name. "I have work at 10, so I have to go if I'm going to make it in time."

Kuon suddenly looked guilty. "Um, actually, it got moved to 3," he informed her. "I called Yashiro and asked to reschedule both of our morning work. Is that okay?"

She wasn't sure. "Oh, um I guess," she said a little lost. Kuon made a move to step in and Kyoko mindlessly moved back to let him in.

"It's not okay. I'm sorry. We stayed up so late, and I know I wasn't up for it with my hangover. I called Yashiro to reschedule my appointment and then asked about yours since you were sleeping so soundly. I can drive you there now if you want," he offered and set down two paper cups and a bag he was holding down on the nearest flat surface.

"OH, um no. It's okay really," she reassured him as she took off her shoes again. "I had some training scheduled, but if Yashiro-san already scheduled it out, then I don't want to cause trouble with whatever he may have said."

"Great," he beamed now stunning her for a completely different reason. A million-watt smile blinded her as Kuon grabbed the cups and bag once again. "I slipped out to buy us breakfast and thought I would be back before you woke up. Otherwise I wouldn't have left."

He held out one of the cups to her. "Coffee. Two creams – four sugars. Though I have extra if it isn't enough."

"Thank you," she said as she took the cup and again was graced with another smile. I'm getting dizzy.

"I wanted something quick and easy, so I simply got us some different kinds of bread. I didn't know which you preferred Shokupan, maybe melon pan or anpan. I was only thinking of something sweet. In the States, we had a lot of sweet options for breakfast and it was always best with coffee." He looked up and found her still at the door with her coffee in hand.

"Kyoko?" He called out to her confused making her jump and then gasp as she worried about the drink. The lid prevented any spillage, but it still shook her.

"Yes? What?"

He walked over to her with concern. "Are you okay?"

"Sure. It's just…" she looked up at him with a scared worry look covering her face. "Last night. Everything that happened and all. Do you remember it?"

He shot her an unbelievable look as if he wasn't sure she was truly asking that. "Of course, I remember," he said with a light blushed coloring his face. He reached out and took her free hand with his. "I still can't believe that you are still willing to speak to me, let alone be with me."

Kyoko frowned and withdrew her hand from his. "Be with you?"

His smile wilted a little. "Yeah. I thought… Well after learning everything. Now that you know who I am and you even know about Rick and you still came. Kyoko, I want to be with you. I love you."

"Ah wait. Slow down," she told him and took a step back. "You never once said anything even remotely close to something like that. W…Where did that even come from?"

Confused, he quickly answered, "Why else would I tell you everything? I even told you in Guam that I loved you."

"Ugh, Guam," Kyoko huffed. "I have no idea what was truth or lie in Guam. Kuon-san, I know your past. I understand why Tsuruga Ren was created, but I have not forgiven you for lying to me and tricking me."

"I wasn't trying to trick you. I just didn't want to hurt you. And could you drop the honorifics? I think we are past that now."

Kyoko shook her head and set her coffee cup down afraid she would drop it. "No. No, we are not. And you keep calling out my name so… so…" she blushed so prettily. "You just need to stop. I'm angry at you."

Kuon's face fell and she instantly wanted to take it back, but then he spoke, "I'm sorry. At first, I didn't want to tell you. I never wanted to tell anyone. It didn't matter who you were, I wasn't going to tell anyone. Please understand."

"It was never your intention to tell me anything, right?" She snapped at him which made him angry as well.

"Kyoko, it is MY life," he bellowed. "I get to decide who knows what about it. I didn't have to tell you anything! I could have married you and never told you a damn thing!" As soon as the words left his mouth, he wanted to take them back.

She was crying, big fat angry tears. "And you would have totally been okay with that, wouldn't you? Lie after lie for the rest of our lives. What name would I have? Tsuruga? Would that even be legal? Our children? Would I have ever met your parents?"

She gasped remembering what he did to them. "Your poor parents. They have been waiting for you so patiently. Thinking that you would eventually forgive yourself and return to them," she sobbed with her voice thick with tears. "They love you so much and you just abandoned them!"

"Don't lecture me on my own family. I know the sacrifices they made for me. I know the money they spent to bail me out of juvie and to cover up the stories of the Famous Hizuri fuck up. Do you know how many jobs I got out of pity? How many kids they forced to play with me as a child? Everything around me was fake except my parent's love. I love them with all my heart, so much so that I ran to protect them and so they can finally stop the constant need to fix my life."

"You think running away is helping them?" Kyoko rebuked. "You think that leaving them to wonder about you every day and not hearing from you is helping them? You think they are so grateful that they can spend their money on cars or shoes or trips instead of you? It's WORSE You Idiot! They LOVE You! I LOVE You!" She screamed making him step back stunned.

"And because of that it only makes it worse! The lying does not bring me comfort! The omissions does not keep me happy! Your trickery doesn't not keep me safe! Everything is an utter mess in my head because of it. You say you love me but you treat me like a child. You say you treat me special, but I don't see it. You treat everyone the same way as me. You…"

"Then you are BLIND!" He screamed. "You are the only one I ever voluntarily talk to since I moved to Japan. I actively go out of my way to stay at out of arms reach from everyone! Every single person that you have seen me talk to was because they came up and started the conversation. Everyone comes to talk to me. I do not escort people around in my car. I do not invite them to my home."

His voice softened and he took a breath to calm his temper. He looked at her pleadingly.

"Kyoko-chan, I don't go around teaching new talents how to act. I don't invite them to lunch or dinner with my manager and me. I wouldn't share my manager with anyone either. And I truly doubt that he is hurting for money enough to desire picking up another client. I do not treat other people the same way as you," he admitted and from the look on her face she believed him.

He let the silence build as she thought it over. There was still a frown on her face but at least she didn't look angry.

"I want to ask you something specific," she warned him and he gave a relieved sigh.

"Anything."

"Tell me about Morizumi Kimiko," she demanded and he had to think about it because he didn't understand why she would be brought up.

"I worked with her in Purple Down. She was a decent actress but doesn't really want to work very hard. Why?" he asked confused.

"And you have feelings for her?" she asked while looking away.

"No," he answered without a moment's hesitation and then blinked and shook his head. "She didn't even register as a person. Where did that come from?"

Kyoko sighed and tilted her head back to mumble to herself. "I'm an idiot," she said out loud and rather than face him, she headed back to that coffee he gave her earlier while she spoke, "I met her during the Momiji audition. Her uncle was the director for the film and she was trying to get the part." She reached out and picked up the coffee cup and took a sip. It had cooled down significantly but was still warm and tasty.

Kuon nodded. "That sounds about right, but normally she would already have it if her family was involved."

"True," she agreed but then added, "Except the producer was Kuresaki Yuki."

"Ah." Kuon recognized the name immediately which she knew he would.

"Anyway, during the audition she went out of her way to tell me she admired you. She recalled a moment in which you encouraged her to do her best but because she was so nervous you pulled out a ring and slipped it on her pinky finger for 'Good Luck'. She was positively giddy about it, saying that you told her to think of it as a white day gift." She snuck a glance at Kuon to see his reaction as she took a drink.

"She's lying. I have never given a ring to a girl before," he explained and she nodded.

"That makes more sense, but she fit the criteria, and honestly I didn't see a reason not to believe her until later," she said.

"Criteria for what?" He asked puzzled.

"Ah oh, um," she blushed and turned towards him. Careful not to spill her drink she bowed down to him in apology. "I have a little secret too." Once she stood up, she looked up at him with a nervous smile. "I'm Bo, the chicken in Yappa Kimagure Rock. The one you talk to in the studio a while back? Do you remember that?"

A dark blush colored his face and he groaned, "So I confessed to you before even knowing myself that I liked you?"

"Um, well. It never entered my mind that you could be talking about me. That was just inconceivable. It actually still is if I put too much thought into it," she confessed with a complex frown. The look on his face asked the question and she answered before he could voice it.

"Because it's you," she said as if it was obvious. "Plus, I was a sixteen-year-old girl that you bullied around for fun. During that time, I believe you still hated me or at least disliked me. It's just we were working together then and I figured you just accepted your role as my senpai. Again, probably to amuse yourself, which was fine for me because you are a great textbook."

Kuon snorted and shook his head. "You spark my desire to act. You always have," he confessed making her blush.

"Well, you were the one to inspire me to pursue it, so I guess that makes us even," Kyoko said and gave him a timid smile behind her cup of coffee.

He smiled softly back at her and whispered, "I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. After everything you've done for me this last year," he shook his head and Kyoko could see his eyes start to water. "We are not even, not even close to even. You are so far above me; I couldn't touch you even if I tried."

Kyoko snorted. "You're lying again. I haven't done anything. I've been so wrapped up in my revenge, and then with my own fear of falling to help you with anything. Perhaps your view on the pedestal is upside down."

"If I'm on a pedestal then you must be in a bubble," Kuon told her, confusing her with the metaphor.

So he explained, "you put someone on a pedestal to lift them up, right? So that they are so high above you that you can't reach them?" Kyoko nodded and he continued, "Then I put you in a bubble. A clear bubble so I can look at you, admire you, love you while keeping you clean and safe and away from me. The little bubble flies in the air away from me and if I were to touch it," he lifted his hand up into the air with his index finger out as if he were going to pop it.

"You would fall. Dirty and hurt on the ground because of me," he finished but wouldn't look at her. The sorrow and guilt plainly written on his face.

Kyoko had to fight back her tears. She closed her eyes and took a breath all the while her heart was beating loudly. Why did his words affect her so much? She should be feeling angry and hurt but instead she just wanted to reach out and touch him. He Did hurt her! So why…

"Why," she repeated out loud and couldn't hold back her tears. He looked over to her as she cried, "Why did you pop the bubble? I didn't want to fall in love with you. I was happy admiring you from a far, but you kept coming closer and closer. Until finally, I never wanted you to pull away."

Kuon rushed forward and captured her into his arms. The coffee cup did finally drop as he pulled her in and no one cared. Kyoko wrapped her arms around his waist and held him tightly as she cried.

"I'm sorry," he whispered over and over into her hair. "I'm so sorry." Once her cried slowed, Kuon continued, "I never wanted to hurt you and it got harder and harder to not be with you. I could no longer stop myself from reaching out. In fact, I was getting angry and frustrated because I couldn't be with you." He tightened his hold on her, "I want you here. Like this. Forever."

His confession of happily ever after should have made her heart explode in joy and rapture; however, it frightened her. Her arms hugged him tightly, just as tightly as he held her, maybe more so. Her hands clung to his shirt in a tight fist and it hurt. She wanted him so much that it hurt. Sheer terror filled her with doubts and disbelieve.

Lies and empty promises. He will leave you. The moment you do something he doesn't like; he will be gone. A prettier face, a better actress, someone better will come along and he will give chase. You will be left alone and broken hearted by yet another person who you gave your tainted heart too.

"I can't do this," Kyoko mumbled against his chest and started to pull away.

Kuon let her go but slipped his hand down to capture hers. He knelt down and bowed over their clasped hands. "Kyoko-chan. I will do everything in my power to make you believe me. I'm not asking for your hand or your undying love right now, I just don't want you to reject me completely." He rose his head and looked up at her begging, "Let me fix it. I promise you that I'll spend the rest of my days earning back your trust, so that one day you'll give me your heart without hesitation, without fear."

She pressed her lips together unsure and he reiterated, "I love you. I do. Let me show you."

And then she nodded. "Okay," she agreed with dread and yet with hope.

Stupid heart.

---

A/N: Thanks for taking the time to read my frustrations. :)