Chapter 17: Seeing the Cullens again

Bella POV:

The next day, I was driving behind Edward´s car again. Soon, we would reach the Cullens estate and soon, I would see Esme again. I smiled and looked at the passenger's seat next to me. Since I knew I would thank Esmee properly for the food, I bought a couple of yellow tulips for her on my way to school this morning. The flowers still looked as fresh as they did this morning and I was glad for that. You don't want to show up empty-handed, is what I've been taught and I was looking forward to this all day. I smiled.

Despite my initial shock of working on a project with Edward, it wasn't that bad after all. We managed to make an outline for our assignment and I knew we would get a great mark for it in the end. Sitting so close next to Edward also wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. I guess I was used to his presence in a way, although I could never get used to him at the same time. It was a weird feeling, but I always felt comfortable in a way when he was around. So I also felt comfortable during our study sessions.

My smile disappeared. I thought about what Jessica said to me today. After I told them I had to work together with Edward on some project, Jessica flipped out. Both me and Angela had to calm her down a little bit. She made me promise her that if Edward would try anything, I would tell her straight away. As if she could do anything about him! I really had to tell her this was just a school assignment and nothing more. I couldn't help but also feel a little bit annoyed with her remark as if I could not handle Edward Cullen myself, but I had to remind myself she only had my best interests at heart. She was the mother lion of the group, I suppose. Always trying to protect her little babies.

Speaking of little babies, I would have to call Jake as soon as I arrived home. I still had not thanked him yet for saving me from a hangover last Friday night. I completely forgot, so I might as well drive to his house after I´m done here. But that would have to wait, I thought as I saw Edwards house appear. I smiled again.

I arrived after him and parked my car. I reached out to grab the tulips and my bag, hopped out of my car and walked over to Edward. He looked at the tulips in my hand, offered to carry my bag and we made our way inside the house.

The smell of chocolate filled my nostrils as I walked into the kitchen. There stood Esme, silently humming a song while cleaning up whatever she had previously done in the kitchen. It was a little act; she could clean up an entire house in literally a second, but the sight of her doing this was so calming to me.

´Esme!´ I managed to cry out before I ran over to her, jumping in her open and welcoming arms, the tulips still in my hands.

´Oh Bella,´ Esme whispered in my hair. Her strong arms held me tightly against her frame. I hugged her back, grabbing her as close to me as possible. I closed my eyes and pretended everything was normal again, just for a few seconds. I buried my face in her shoulder, taking in her vampire odeur and enjoyed this little moment maybe more than I should. Esme rubbed my back and I managed to keep a little bit more distance between us.

´I bought you some tulips but I'm afraid they might be a little bit broken now,´ I explained to her. I didn't want to stop hugging Esme but it might be better to stop now. It might hurt more afterwards if I continue.

´You shouldn't have,´ she smiled warmly at me.

´I've wanted to. See it as a little thank you for filling up the fridge with all my favourite foods. I really appreciated it.´

Esme looked behind my back at Edward. I felt I missed something there.

´Well… if you were already pleased with that… What would you say if I told you I just baked a full tray of brownies? They are done in about 30 minutes, so you might already want to start working on your assignment right now. And then maybe catch a break, and we'll catch up over tea and brownies. How does that sound?

´Brilliant,´ I winked at her. Esme left the kitchen so Edward and I could work for a good half an hour. You see, this is why Esme is one of my favourite Cullens. She baked brownies for me, even though she can´t eat them herself. She truly is one of the kindest people I know.

She still left you too, a nagging voice at the back of my mind said. I tried to keep that voice quiet. She was here now, and I would not let my inner saboteur ruin this one pleasant afternoon.

Soon, the oven indicated the brownies were ready. Esme arrived to put them out of the oven and to boil water for tea.

´Edward, go hunt or something,´ she ordered him. ´Leave the house so Bella and I can catch up.´ She turned around to wink at me. Did I mention already Esme could be a little bossy if she absolutely wanted to? Edward showed his displeasure as he growled under his breath.

´And no growling! Leave, now!´

In a second, Edward had left the kitchen and Esme and I were alone.

´Finally. Sorry, that took so long, Bella. Now, we´re finally alone. So tell me, how are you?´ Esme put a piece of brownie for me on a plate and poured some mint tea. She sat down next to me. I took a bite of the brownie and it was delicious. Just as I expected it to be, she was just a great cook.

´Don´t worry Esme. Where is Edward headed to anyways?´

She concentrated on hearing him.

´I hear he is running towards the mountains.´

´Hunting?´

´I suppose.´

Esme kept looking at me. With literally anyone else, it could have been awkward, but not with Esme. With Esme, it meant she understood I did not want to talk about me right now.

´And how are you?´ I asked her instead.

´I´m fine, Bella,´ she smiled sadly. ´Don´t you worry about me. That's my job, I'm supposed to be the one who worries about others.´

She silently reached out to hold my hand and I raised my eyebrows at her.

´What do you mean?´

´Forgive my forwardness, really. It was a slip of the tongue.´

´Is everything alright with your family, Esme?´ Suddenly, I did not want to eat the brownie anymore. Esme´s cryptic response made me frightened there was something wrong with any of the Cullens. ´Just because Edward and I aren't together anymore, doesn't mean I suddenly don't care about you or any other Cullen.´

´It's not like that, I promise you. My family is fine.´ She saw I knew she meant more than that, so she continued.

´I mean that I worry about the choices my family members make and the consequences of those choices. Bella, I am so sorry Edward left you. You have to believe me when I tell you we tried to stop him. Really. But at the same time, he has to make his own mistakes and we need to let him make those. And he has made a huge mistake.´ Esme started trembling as if she would cry. She put her head in her hands. This time, I was the one reaching out to hold her hand.

´It's alright, Esme,´ I tried to soothe her.

´No, it's not. I should have pushed him more into staying, but you know Edward. Once he has something in his head, it's impossible to tell him otherwise. That boy will be the death of me,´ she let out a soft chuckle.

´You are not responsible for Edward, remember that. I'm actually glad he left me,´ I tried to give a bold statement, in order for Esme to listen to me again. She was so lost in her own thoughts, so lost in her own world, that I would try anything to help her snap out of it.

´What do you mean?´

´I always thought I could not live without Edward. My life here in Forks resolved around him. My days started and ended with him. And now I know that I can live with him, just as well as I can live without him. So don't feel sad, Esme. Let it go. The past is in the past.´ I smiled encouragingly at her.

´I´m sorry to be such a buzzkill right now.´

´And you should feel sorry. However, you can make it up to me by giving me another brownie and then we´ll talk about happier topics.´

´Deal. So happier topics; what were you up to these past few months?´ She got up to give me a tea and brownie refill.

´I actually have a few friends now. Do you remember Jessica and Angela from school? They helped me tremendously. We meet up every now and then to just do something fun. Last Friday night, Jessica even threw a party. Alice might´ve already seen it though. Jake also went and thanks to him, I did not have a huge hangover. I still have to thank him for that. And I know, I should not have been drinking with my head injury. Wait, do you know Jake actually? Jacob Black? He is my fathers best friend's son. Anyway, I went to the movies a couple of months ago and we found each other there and we met up when our fathers were fishing ever since. He even wanted to teach me to ride a motorbike. Wait, did you already know I was in a car crash?´

I looked up to see Esme´s amused face. I was rambling like crazy, but I just had so much to tell her.

´Wow, Bella. You´ve certainly been entertained. Now tell me, who is this Jake boy you keep telling me about? Is he someone special? You can tell me, Bella, even though I might be a little bit biased towards Edward.´ Her smile told me she was partly just joking, so I entertained her suggestive question just a bit.

´He is someone special alright, but not how you insinuate it. Esme, And I would have never thought you had such a conflict of interest, shame on you.´

´What can I say, I miss girl talk. Speaking of which, what is that sparkly shadow you have on your cheekbones?´

´It's highlighter.´

Edward POV:

How ironic that the few minutes I had alone with Bella, she would much rather spend those alone with my mother. I ran toward the mountains, where my family was hidden away. We had made a rule with Esme, that if Bella would give us a clue she would like to see any of us, Esme would think it, so I would catch it and Alice would get a vision of it. We needed to follow Bella´s pace, even if it was a much slower pace than Alice and I wanted.

I cancelled Esme´s thoughts in order to give her and Bella as much privacy as possible. In an hour or so, when I would return home, Esme would silently think about Bella's response and one or more Cullens would also return to the house.

´Waiting is agony,´ Alice said right next to me. I nodded in agreement.

´Should we make a bet? I´m betting she only wants to see me, though,´ Emmett said as a way to keep the mood light. Or Emmett said as a way to be Emmett. The truth is I also thought she would want to see Emmett more than any of us right now.

´Don´t be such a child, Em. But I´m also betting on you,´ Rosalie said while giving Emmett a soft push.

´Don't hate the player babe, hate the game.´ He softly kissed her cheek. I had to look away, their affection for each other was a bit too much to handle at this moment.

´Shut up, Emmett.´ I had never seen Alice this frustrated before.

´Relax Allie, I´m just joking. We have to be here for an hour, might as well have a little fun, right?´ Emmett winked at her.

´Well, Emmett. How does this sound for fun; let's indeed make a little wager. How does that sound?´ Alice looked at all of us, and we all eagerly nodded in agreement.

´Excellent. Well; if Bella chooses me, then I want all of you to eat normal food in the cafeteria for a whole week.´ Alice laughed as a villain while we all looked disgusted at her. Eating normal food meant we had to throw it up at home. Normal food was disgusting.

´Luckily, she will not choose you then,´ Emmett responded while Alice tried to push him, hard. ´If Bella chooses me, we will drive my car to school for a whole month. And I know what you will all say, it's too big, it's too obnoxious but you know how I respond to that; I don´t care. That's my wager, end of discussion.´ Emmett crossed his arms in front of him.

´Interesting wager, Emmett,´ Rosalie said. ´However, I´ll have a better one. A wager that benefits us all. If Bella chooses me, I don't want to hear any music in this house, except my own, for two whole weeks. That includes your piano music as well, Edward. No one wants to hear that.´ Rosalie winked at me.

´Oh, that's a good one, Rose. Too bad I've already said my wager,´ Emmett said as he laughed hard. Only Jasper, Carlisle and I had to yet think of a wager. I had to think hard of a good one.

´I have one,´ Carlisle eventually said. ´If Bella chooses me, you all have to annoy Esme. I really want to buy a new car, a Tesla this time, but Esme doesn't want to own another car while we have a few perfectly fine cars already. So if Bella chooses me, make sure I'll get my car.´ He smiled at us all since we all knew he would eventually get that car already.

Jasper quickly followed; ´If Bella chooses me, I want to see each and every one of you dressed up as if you're in a Western movie. For a whole day. You might even say things like ´darlin´ but I would really want to see it.´

´Jasper, if you wanted to see me as a Southern Belle, all you had to do was ask,´ Alice said as she quickly ran into his embrace.

´You? Always, darlin,´ Jasper whispered into her hair.

Alice turned to face me; ´What's your wager, Edward?´

´I will already see her in a few moments.´

´That's not fair, tell us your wager,´ she continued.

´Alright, alright. If she chooses me,´ I let myself enjoy those words a bit, ´then I would actually not want anything at all. I don't need you to do something embarrassing. I actually won't need anything from you. If she chooses me, I've already had the best wager.´

´Laaaame,´ Emmett shouted. ´Totally lame.´

´Shut up, Emmett. I think it´s cute,´ Alice said as she approached me for a hug.

´But I mean, if I have to choose something, I would say you all can wear absolutele buttugly clothes for a whole month. I know that would be hell for Alice,´ I winked at her before I had to duck away because Alice wanted to punch me.

I was happy for this lighthearted chat, as it really eased the tension a bit. I focussed on Esme and Bella and heard they were almost done talking. Esme thought of one name in particular, one name of someone Bella wanted to see again. I looked around to find him.

Emmett recognised my look. He tilted his head in his neck and laughed.

´Suck it losers, she chose me. Sorry, Allie.´

Alice forced a smile, even though she did not want to show it, she was hurt by Bella´s choice.

´Might have better luck next time.´

´Are you ready?´ I asked Emmett.

´Born ready.´

We took off and ran towards the house. A few meters before we entered, Emmett asked me to stop.

´How is she?´

´What do you mean?´

´How is she with Esme? Will she also be mad at me?´

I finally understood it now. Emmett likes to think he's such a tough guy, but we all know he is quite soft on the inside. He was nervous about seeing Bella again. I reassured him.

´She and Esme are having a wonderful time. She will be thrilled to see you again, Emmett. You mean a lot to her.´

That seemed to calm him. We entered the house and I called out for Bella, to let her know we were coming.

´There is someone who would like to see you,´ I said as I entered the kitchen. Bella immediately jumped up and rushed over towards Emmett. She wrapped her arms around him, and he did not know what to do for a solid second. Then, he also wrapped his arms around her.

´Hey there little one,´ he lovingly said.

´Hey there bulky one,´ she annoyingly responded.

´I´m not bulky.´

´Well, I´m not little.´

´To me you are.´

´And to me, you are bulky.´

´I haven't missed you a bit,´ Emmett said as he gave her a quick kiss on her cheek to prove her otherwise.

´Be nice, Emmett,´ Esme said to assure us she took Bella´s side.

´She started it, ma.´ He said as he walked over to the kitchen table. We all sat down.

´Yes Emmett, be nice to me,´ Bella laughed with us. For a good second, everything felt normal again. We had a normal conversation. Emmett asked Bella about the past couple of months. Bella told us she wanted to ride a motorbike but got into an accident. Emmett was shocked, as he also wanted to ride a motorbike somewhere in the future so they bonded over that topic. I sat back and watched my family. I sat back and saw Bella being looser than she was the past couple of weeks. I saw Bella having a good time. And I felt hopeful for the future again.

After half an hour, Bella needed to go home again. I walked with her to her car.

´Esme loved the tulips, although they were completely unnecessary of course,´ I gave her the schoolbag I was holding.

´I wanted to give them. And I loved seeing her again, but we couldn't really work a lot on our project today, I´m sorry.´ She was playing with her car keys.

´I´m happy you had a good time,´ I looked into her eyes, hoping my smile would dazzle her, just as it did before. It was childish, I know, but I hoped I could win her affection back this way. Childish. Stupid. Desperate. Her heartbeat actually quickened.

´I always have a good time here, that's the problem.´ She returned my gaze and I could see the honesty in her eyes.

´Stay still,´ she demanded. As if I could ever deny her anything. She raised her arm and lifted her finger. She put her finger on my cheek, just as I did more than a year ago, only this time the roles were reversed. She placed her finger on my cheek and drew a single line, from my eyebrow to my jaw. It sent shivers down my spine and the warmth of her skin did not only warm mine but also my heart again. I was aching for more. I could smell her on my skin, I needed to feel close to her again. Without permission from my brain, my body reacted on its own. My hand cupped her cheek as I continued to look into her deep brown eyes. Eyes I could drown in. She continued to stroke my cheek, a single gesture that made me crazy. Made me hungry for more. Made me do things I swore I wouldn't do.

Contain yourself, contain yourself, contain yourself. It was a mantra I repeatedly told myself.

Contain yourself, contain yourself, contain yourself. I thought, as I, ever so slightly, closed the distance between both our faces. She copied my movement, her face also came closer to mine.

Contain yourself, contain yourself, contain yourself. I thought as I reached down to kiss her, seeing her stand on her toes to close the distance between us further.

Contain yourself, contain yourself, contain yourself. I thought, as her phone started ringing. She shook her head, saw who was calling her - that Jacob kid- waved to say goodbye to me and sat down in her car to talk with him. The gesture was universal; the day was over, she wanted to talk to him in private and I was dismissed.

Contain yourself, contain yourself, contain yourself.