Chapter 19: An Awkward Car Ride

Bella POV:

Truth to be told; Edward driving me home was probably for the best since I was way too agitated to drive myself. I got out of my car, walked over to the passenger's seat while he sat down in the driver's seat. He drove away, and that little act alone made me think of our better times together. He often drove, because he was simply a way better driver than I could ever be. It was something we often made fun of.

Who would have thought we would end up like this? I had always thought we were good together, but apparently, he had some demons on his own. I would have never known if it weren't for my birthday party. The strange thing is that a part of me just could not comprehend why he left me. A part of me always wondered if there was something I had done that had pushed him over the edge, somehow. And if it was something that could have been prevented. I often blamed myself for it.

And then he showed up in the hospital. When he told me the reason for leaving me, I could not believe him just yet. It was contradicting everything I thought was true. But now, seeing how upset both he and Alice were, the seed of doubt in my head slowly started to disappear. It wasn't completely gone and I had not forgiven him for leaving me, but being here must mean something, right?

I became a lot calmer. I could practically feel my heart beating calmer than before, so he must have also heard it. I turned to face him. He kept looking at the road, and I was wondering if he was afraid to say something that might upset me further. I tried to speak but I didn't know what I had to say to him. ´Edward…,´ I eventually tried.

´Yes, Bella,´ he said, still avoiding my eyes and keeping track of the road in front of us. As if he needed to do that.

I inhaled deeply to prepare myself for what I was about to do next. I didn´t know if it was the best option, but I also knew that I wanted to do it. ´I just wanted to apologize for the way I´ve been behaving towards you and Alice. I made a mistake yesterday and I feel guilty about it. So I was having an off day today and I only wanted to go to the movies to enjoy myself a bit. Then, I saw the both of you sitting there and I just snapped. I saw red, so to say. So I want to apologize for that. It wasn't completely fair to the both of you.´

I smiled at him, assuring him I truly meant it. It was a little olive branch, to show him I kind of understood their reasoning for following me. I mean; they were still in the wrong for following me to the movies and they should have never done so, but I could get behind their reasoning for it. Still wrong, but I understood.

Edward closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. ´Bella, you don't have any reason for apologising to us. We made a mistake coming here.´

I nodded. ´You sure did. It was a mistake following me here and you should have never done so. But now, I can see your reasoning behind it. It was still wrong though.´

´You should not have to say sorry for being angry at it.´ He finally turned to look at me. I wasn't shaken by the fact he stopped watching the road now, but I was shaken at how he looked at me. He looked almost angry. His brow was creased, his eyes a dark ember.

´What´s wrong?´ I gasped in surprise.

´Bella, you have no reason for apologizing to me or Alice. We were in the wrong. Your reaction to us was perfectly normal. You should be outraged, you have every reason to. We disrespected your wishes to be left alone by us, only because we wanted to watch you in secret for an hour because we've missed you. That's sick. Absolutely sick on our part. So I don't want to hear you asking for forgiveness anymore.´ The fire in his eyes could have easily scared me away if it weren't for the fact that I knew him and his facial expressions from the back of my mind. He was angry at himself.

´I never said I condone your actions. You should have never followed me here. However, I can see your point now. I saw how upset both you and Alice were and even though we aren't exactly on speaking terms right now, seeing you both upset is hard for me to watch. I don't want to upset you both.´ I kept looking directly at him. He needed to hear this. ´I was harsh to the both of you. Did I have the right reasons for that? Absolutely. Did I want that? No!´

Edward turned away from me. He continued to stare at the road while his fists were grabbing the steering wheel very tightly. I also turned away from him, my hands in my lap, my thoughts going in circles. Why did this upset him so much? We arrived in Forks and we would soon arrive at my house. Thank God, Charlie wanted to meet with Billy today, I did not want to explain this to him just yet. This also meant I had a few more minutes alone with Edward and I did not want us to part ways.

´Why?´ Edward mumbled softly, afraid.

´Why what?´ I truly had no idea what he meant.

´Why didn't you want to upset us? You had every right to scream at us, to be angry at us, to cuss us out. I just don't understand why you don't do that,´ he pleaded.

I looked outside the window, not able to look at him while I said. ´I just told you. Even though I´m angry at the both of you, I don't want to see you upset. You both mean too much to me to just hurt you on purpose.´ I closed my eyes again to gain some courage to turn to him again and when I did, he had an unreadable expression on his face. I saw shock, devotion, sadness, realisation, love, regret and wonder, all melted into one.

´You also mean a lot to us,´ he said and I knew he spoke the truth. Finally, I knew for sure. I did mean a lot to them. For the longest time, I thought I didn't but now I knew with absolute certainty. The realisation of that fact made me even want to crack a little joke.

´I figured. You wouldn't just spy on just anyone. I have to be quite special for you.´ Again, I smiled at him, hoping he would return it. Come on, the hard part of this conversation is now over, I thought to myself.

He was flabbergasted at my joke before he returned my smile. ´You know you are.´

He pulled over and I saw we arrived at my house. He was such a fast driver, I could never get used to it. The darkness made me brave and I was happy we were finally laying all our cards open. Even though he could see me perfectly fine, the fact that I felt a little bit hidden in the darkness made me courageous.

´You know, for the longest time, I´d doubted that. When you left, I figured your feelings must have been less than mine, and therefore you could walk away that easily. And I had thought that for the past couple of months. Even when you showed up at the hospital and told me all of that, it was a complete contradiction to what I was telling myself. You could even sit right next to me in Biology, without even acknowledging me. While for me, that was pure torture. And for some reason, seeing you and Alice this upset tonight... It made me realise that you are, in fact, upset.´ I didn't know why I was so brave tonight, but I hoped that laying all our cards on the table would make everything a bit less awkward between us.

Edward must have heard my heartbeat quicken. He turned to face me, his eyes full of pain, looking for forgiveness but also something else. I saw a spark of hope in them.

´I have always loved you, Bella. And I will always love you. Leaving you was the biggest mistake of my life and walking away from you was torture. And believe me, sitting next to you in Biology and not talking to you has also been torture for me. I´ve missed you. I´ve missed you so much. And I´m so sorry you´ve felt that way for so long. I hate to think you´ve doubted my love for you. Do you think you can ever forgive me for that? Can you ever find it in your heart to forgive me?´ Edward was pleading, begging me to forgive him.

I looked at him and I finally felt at ease. I was ready to forgive him. I wanted to let go of my anger, hurt and desire for vengeance. It has affected me and other relationships I had for far too long. He made a mistake and he knows it. What he did was not okay and we have more issues to work on, but for now, I was definitely ready to forgive him. We couldn't just go back to where we were before he left. We might never go back to that, but I was sure we could figure something out. I wanted to move on from my anger and I wanted to forgive him. Him and Alice.

It was as if a huge weight suddenly fell from my shoulders. I smiled encouragingly at him. ´Yes, Edward. Yes, I forgive you. Both you and Alice.´

Edward could not believe it at first. He looked at me in shock until he noticed my smile. My eyes spoke nothing but the truth and he saw it. He grinned. His muscles visibly looked a lot less tense. His eyes sparkled in a way I hadn't seen in such a long time. This was my Edward. He looked at ease, he looked relaxed. He looked as if he could conquer the world.

´Really?´ He asked, still not sure of it.

I rolled my eyes at him but I made sure he knew it was just a joke.

´Yes.´

´Bella, that´s… That´s… Absolutely wonderful.´ He reached out, wanted to grab my hands but I wasn't ready for that. That surprised him a bit. ´I will promise you this, Bella. I will earn back your trust somehow. You have my word.´ He stared at me and I wasn't sure how to answer that statement.

I just laughed at him. ´I have no doubt you will, but for now, I would like to stay friends for a while. I mean, we´ve recently started talking again... I don't want to rush things. Hope you can understand that.´

That seemed to be the right answer. ´Of course, Bella. Forgive my forwardness just before. I would love to be your friend,´ he assured me and I was relieved. A little bit disappointed he was okay with being just friends, not gonna lie, but mostly relieved.

´And I would love to be yours. And Alice´s. Believe me, I have also missed you all tremendously.´ I almost couldn't wait to see Alice again tomorrow at school and to talk to her like we had done before. I had missed her.

´I don't want to be too nosy, but as a friend, I can maybe ask you. I couldn't help but notice you´ve made some new friends while we were away?´ Edward asked, trying to keep his face in check.

´You little snoop,´ I playfully called him out on it. He even had the decency to look ashamed of it. ´But to answer your question, yes, I´m a lot closer with Jessica and Angela now. And I'm now friends with Jacob Black, my father's best friend´s son. We hung out all the time.´ Mentioning Jacob brought back a few unpleasant memories from yesterday, but I tried to suppress them. ´Jessica even had a little party last Friday night,´ I elaborated. I smiled just thinking about it.

Edward returned my smile. ´Not a wild party with alcohol, I suppose?´ I felt a blush creeping up, thinking of how I misbehaved that night.

Edward snorted quite loudly in response. I looked up to see what was that funny to him, but it seemed as if there was something I'd missed. Must be a private joke or something.

´Maybe it was. Nonetheless, I had fun.´

´I´m happy you did. It's important to have a little fun every now and then.´

´Are you still being this cryptic? Thought that would change over time?´ I tried to joke with him.

Edward was fully in his element, knowing very well how I could mock him being cryptic all the time. ´That's my secret to dazzle you,´ he winked at me.

I rolled my eyes at him. ´As if you don´t dazzle me enough.´

´Miss Swan, are you flirting with me?´

Luckily, he grinned so I knew we were just bantering a bit back and forth. I responded equally lighthearted. ´Only if it's working.´

´With you? It's always working. But don´t worry, we´re friends now. I´ll promise you that,´ Edward said.

There it was again, a little bit of disappointment. Damn it. ´Our daily Biology sessions certainly became a lot more interesting.´

´Wait until Alice knows about this. Luckily, we´re already on the right track with the assignment so I can spare you a few hours, otherwise, we would have had a problem timewise,´ Edward laughed.

´I can imagine I'll only be drinking tea and eating everything from your fridge the next few days then?´ I asked, thinking how enthusiastic Alice would respond to us being friends again. Oh yes, we would not have any time to study. Definitely not.

´Don´t worry, Bella. I´ll make sure the fridge is fully stocked again.´ Edward said until he quickly realised his mistake.

´Again? I thought you´ve said Esme filled it?´ I caught his little white lie.

´If I'm being honest, I did it. I´m sorry, Bella. I knew you would be coming over and I wanted you to be as comfortable as possible.´ He explained to me. I had no reason to be angry since this is typically Edward, always looking out for me.

´You don't have to apologize. I appreciate it, really. Thank you so much,´ I assured him. That seemed to soothe him as he was relaxed again.

´I´m glad, Bella. And as much fun I had tonight, we have to end it here. Charlie will be home in a few minutes so I better leave.´

I was disappointed the night had to end, but I was happy with this turn of events. I smiled Edward goodbye before he ran towards his house. The night was definitely better than expected.

A/N: So now they´re friends! That can only go one way, right...?

And what did you think? Did Bella forgive Edward way too easily, or should she have given him a harder time? I was really debating with myself on this one. Hope this little reunion exceeded your expectations :)