Chapter 28

Parents

Present Day

2029

Writing was a huge help and as usual, Doc Daisy was very helpful. She told me that the negative thoughts pestering in my thoughts are nothing but the illusion brought about by fear. She told me to write all of them down in a separate notebook and carefully read them one by one. She said I should ponder and contemplate all those scenarios and there I'll see that some scenarios are outrageous that they are considered impossible.

The registrar will laugh at you since you're too old to inquire.

Younger students will ridicule you once they see that you're older.

You're going to bump into someone you knew once and they'll think you're pathetic.

In contrary, none of them didn't happen at all.

I spent my day at school making inquiries about getting back. My heart was pounding the entire time and the familiarity of the place just took me back in time. I was once this dreamer who planned to take on the world. I was not the same woman anymore but I won't stop trying.

My thoughts were proven wrong and the day didn't go as bad as I thought it would.

The registrar was warm and friendly as she discussed what next steps I should take in order to continue my studies. Since I already earned a few units before, she was trying to come up with the best plan or blueprint especially since the curriculum changed. Regardless of how challenging her job was, she never failed to answer my questions with such triumph.

There were also young students seeking answers to their inquiries. In contrary to my thoughts, they did not ridicule me at all. In fact, they wanted to know about me and thought I was 'inspirational' for still pushing through with a bachelor's degree despite leaving school a decade ago. They were matured for their age and very smart too. I believed I gained friends.

And then, Leslie, one of my classmates before recognized me from afar. She's a professor now teaching the principles and ethics of mass media. Despite what she achieved, she didn't make me feel small. In fact, we went out for dinner and had a conversation about what happened since I left school.

All my thoughts were proven wrong and I felt so blessed for the encounters I had today. If only people knew how kindness can affect someone so beautifully, then the world would be such a better place.

Once again, I lost more faith in my fears.

-page break-

The dinner with Leslie took longer than expected. We had so much to talk about and after my conversation with her, I was boosted and encouraged to go back to school. I could tell that she's not just a great teacher but a great motivator too.

I went home at 9:00 p.m. and since Mom texted me saying that she's out to watch movies, I knew Christian would be with Willow.

The house is small so it didn't take long before I reached Willow's room. The door was open and I stood by the side. She was getting ready for bed and Christian was sitting in front of her, his back facing the open door. He was still in his formal collared shirt and I could tell he was tired from work, but he's so energetic when he was telling her a bedtime story.

"The prince left the princess? What happened next, Daddy?" Willow gasped, clearly immersed with the story.

"Yes, he had to leave her because of the evil queen. But then, the prince discovered she wasn't even a queen at all, she was a vile dragon who had no power over him. He defied her and—"

"With swords and shields?"

Christian laughed, "Yes, with swords and shields. The prince slayed the dragon and ran back to his princess and . . ." Christian paused and that left Willow anticipating more for the story.

"What happened next? What happened next, Daddy? Did the prince and princess leave happily ever after?"

"Yes, they did," Christian was lying. But why would he lie in a bedtime story?

Willow cheered though. She was very happy that the two main characters still had their happy ending. I smiled at that. My daughter always had the soft heart when it came to those fairy tales.

She yawned loudly and Christian told her to sleep.

"You sleep now, Baby," Christian tucked her in with her princess-themed blanket and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

I found myself just standing on the doorway quietly observing Christian and my daughter. I didn't want to interrupt them. They looked so serene, happy, and contented to be in each other's presence that I didn't want to ruin it for them. I silently observed Christian's gentleness with Willow. No one could ever deny how much he really loves her.

"Daddy, will you still be here in the morning when I wake up?" Willow asked in her little voice. I was just as surprised as Christian when she asked that question.

"Of course, I will be, Baby. Why do you ask that?"

"How about the next morning after tomorrow morning?"

"Daddy will still be here," he strongly assured her.

"And when I turn eight next year?"

"Still here," he promised.

"When I turn twenty?"

"Still here?"

Willow asked up to a hundred years old and Christian answered the same to words. Then, he cupped my daughter's tiny cheeks when his now-husky voice asked, "Why are you asking this, my darling?"

"What if you won't be around just like before?" Willow's voice broke when she asked him. She didn't cry but I could tell that just like me most of the time, she had fears especially when it came to her Dad.

"Come here," Christian said as he laid right next to her. He pulled Willow closer to her, he did it in such a protective way that you could see how much a father can love his little girl. I quickly hid myself. My back was pressed against the wall right next to the doorframe and I could still clearly hear Christian's voice.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here. If you only know how sad Daddy feels about all missing all of those years. I am sorry for everything, Willow. I cannot turn back time and I cannot go back, but all I can do is be here for you. Daddy loves you, Willow and you will never be left alone. Never forget that I will always be here for you," he promised and even though I couldn't see, I knew that Willow was smiling wide.

She felt peace and all of her fears were destroyed. Christian may have broken my heart but I had this faith that he will never break hers.

"I love you, Daddy," Willow told him in her small voice.

"I love you, my little angel," he said with much conviction, as if he's assuring her that he will never leave her side.

He loved my child and for me, that was enough.

-page break-

It must have taken a few more minutes until Willow was fast asleep. I decided not say good night since she was having that moment with her father. Instead, I sat on the couch eating an apple pie while Netflix played on TV. It was a little after ten when Christian slowly shut the door to Willow's room.

Once he saw me sitting down the couch, his sleepy eyes became fully alert. His eyes widened and he said, "Hey, you're here. Uhm . . . how long have you been here?"

"Just over an hour. I decided not to disturb your moment with Willow," that was the longest sentence I spoke to him since the day he met my—our daughter.

"So, you heard it?"

I nodded.

He gave me a sad smile and he looked weary once more.

"You can sit here," I pointed at the space next to me. I offered him, "You can have some pie too."

"Is that your Mom's apple pie?"

"Yes," I confirmed. With that, he didn't hesitate to sit next to me and grabbed his piece of the apple pie. I almost forgot that this was one of his favorites. He would always be so happy each time Mom made this recipe.

"It's still so delicious," he expressed the whole time he's eating. There was enough space between the two of us. I decided to continue watching the Netflix show instead. His presence still bothered me, but I was fighting not to let it get the best of me.

Then, Christian cleared his throat and started, "So, Ana, uhm . . . you heard what Willow said?"

"Yes, I did," I barely whispered.

He was smiling sarcastically when he said, "She thinks I'm going to leave her. She thinks that one day, she will wake up and I won't be there anymore. I cannot blame her though. I can only blame myself."

I took a deep breath before saying, "Christian, just assure her that you'll never leave and she'll be okay. Willow is trusting. She'll trust you."

Christian nodded thoughtfully and said, "I love her, you know. I love her so much."

I listened.

He almost cried when he expressed, "You know that feeling when your life seems to be out of hand? It seems to be directionless? When it all seems like there's every reason to give up, but then you take a look at her small beautiful face and all of it just makes sense. It's like every bad thing in the world fades. It's a strange feeling." He was laughing a little.

"I understand you," I told him. Those were my exact thoughts the first time I saw Willow's face.

Christian continued, "I missed out so much, I know. I wanted to be there when she was a baby. I would've rocked her to sleep. I would've sung her a lullaby. I could've heard her first words." Tears sprung from his eyes when he said, "I could've been there for her first day in school. I c-could have…"

His voice trailed off as tears flowed out freely from his eyes. He was wiping them as fast as he could.

That widened that cracks in my heart. In every milestone of Willow's life, regardless of how angry I was with him, I wanted him to see it too. I couldn't explain why but there was always something missing.

I decided not to point the blame at anyone anymore. Christian may not have been good to me, but he's clearly good to and for her.

"There will still be a lot of firsts in her life, Christian and you'll be part of them all."

He smiled at that, a genuine smile. It was very difficult for me to raise her alone with my mom by my side and now I recognized that this was painful for him too.

Christian then said, with much sincerity "Ana, I'm glad you were there at Willow's recital. I just want to thank you for raising her so well. She's a smart girl and she's really kind. I do agree with what she said. I want her to be like you when she grows up."

I returned his smile. The thought of Willow becoming like me gave me the motivation to not give up and don't let depression win. I was comforted by the thought that despite of how insignificant I felt, there was someone who felt like life was better with me around. My presence is Willow's strength and that motivated me to try and try until I get there.

"Thank you," that was all I said to him.

We continued eating the pie and we watched the web series on Netflix. We laughed at how funny the jokes were and for some reason, this felt good.

I didn't see it as anything romantic. It wasn't about former lovers getting but it's about two parents trying to make their daughter happy despite everything. I tried to overlook the parts of when he hurt me, but focused on him as a father only.

The would felt less heavy now that I tried not to be so angry at him.

Disclaimer: Ana's recovery and path to healing doesn't represent all people suffering from depression. We all have our own stories to tell and this is hers.

Thank you for all of your reviews last chapter. Your private messages are very appreciated too.

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Thank you. – Cloud