Chapter 29

Her Perfect Day

Present Day

2029

"Who's excited today, huh?" I smiled at my daughter who was already jumping up and down on our couch. Her grin was so wide that I already knew that she's going to have a blast today.

"She won't shut up about it, Ana," Mom laughed at Willow's enthusiasm.

Today we will be going to the carnival. It has always been our tradition to come to this carnival every year. Willow was always excited. She loved the carousel and the cotton candies. It was a blast every year and to be honest, this was one of the moments when I just forget my worries in life.

"Let's go then. Mom, you sure you're not coming with us?"

"I'd like to but I can't. I have a flu," she coughed twice. This would be the first year that she won't be coming with us. It's a bummer but I understand though. She was wrapped in a blanket and sitting on the couch. The TV was on and her favorite sitcom was playing.

"It's just you and me, Baby. Let's go," I almost picked Willow up from the couch but the doorbell rang. I raised my brow at that. Wait, what? We weren't expecting any visitors today. I sighed. I hope this wasn't some type of salesman forcing his products on us.

I walked to the door and when I swung it open, my jaw almost dropped. It was Christian in a very casual attire. He was in his brown shirt and pair of jeans. His hands were in his pockets and he flashed me a nervous smile.

"Hey Ana," he greeted.

"Hey, uhm . . . what are you doing here?" Seriously, why's he here?

"Is that Daddy? DADDY!" Willow quickly ran past me and wrapped her tiny arms around his legs.

"Hey, Baby," Christian said when he picked her up and sweetly scattered kisses all round her face.

"You're here! I'm so happy," Willow expressed with such ecstatic joy.

I raised my brow at the two of them and asked, "You're coming with us?"

Christian shifted uncomfortably. "Yes, uhm . . . Willow called me last night and she asked me to come to the carnival with you and her. I couldn't say no."

Even though my feelings towards him weren't that hostile anymore, I still was not very comfortable to have him around every time. He knew that since he looked like he was ready that I would throw him out. I wanted to though. I was frustrated. I was so excited because this had been my thing with Willow for years and I felt as though he was an intruder.

But when I looked at Willow's sparkling eyes and her energy was twice as high as earlier, I couldn't do it. Shooing Christian away would break her heart. Looks like I had no choice then.

I tried to sound cheerful but miserably failed, "Let's go then. Let me just get our bags."

Christian nodded while rocking Willow in his arms.

I got our bags from the couch. They were seated right next to Mom. When I told her goodbye, she already had that guilty smirk in her face. I rolled my eyes and knew that she was already aware that Christian would join us today. Willow uses her phone to contact Christian every day so of course, she knew.

"You won't get away with this, Mom," I warned her.

She just shrugged and smiled, "Enjoy!"

-page break-

The day didn't turn out as bad as I expected it to be. In fact, Willow was more excited as she had ever been before. She won't stop talking about all the previous years and Christian never failed to listen.

As usual, Willow took her carousel ride. She wanted Christian to accompany her, to keep herself while the ride goes around and round. Willow held on to the horse and her happiness was contagious. Christian held her carefully and I could tell he was nervous that he might put her in danger or something. I was observing them from outside and each time her horse would pass before me, Willow would wave like we hadn't seen each other for years. I took pictures of the two of them.

After the ride, Christian asked to get a copy of their pictures and I gave it to him with no dramas.

Then, we went to buy her a cotton candy. She chose the pink one.

"I want you to have cotton candies too," she pouted and we couldn't say no. Christian had the color blue and I had the yellow one. With our cotton candies, Christian took a selfie of us.

"No, no, this seemed like a better angle," Christian was clearly overanalyzing this. He placed his phone in different directions until he gets the "perfect lighting". What did he even mean by that?

I rolled my eyes at him and worse of all, he just laughed at that. I was clearly pissed off but he's only laughing at me? It took him a few more times before he found the "perfect angle".

"Look at this! This is perfect!" Christian was so proud at the shot he took and he showed it off to me like a proud teenager. To be fair, it was a great photo. The three of us looked so cute with our cotton candies. Of course, I didn't tell him that.

"It looks okay. Let's go," I said and he rolled his eyes and laughed to himself. I sighed in frustrating. Ugh! This day was getting so weird.

Later in the afternoon, Willow wanted to get a purple-pink teddy bear but it wasn't for sale. We had to win the popping balloon game so she could have it. And like the stubborn and persistent person he had always been, Christian was up for the challenge. Oh gosh, this was so nerve wrecking. It was like a sports game or something.

He was gearing up and shaking his body as if he were getting ready for a boxing fight. He was handed the darts and he shot at the balloons randomly. All three shots, Willow and I were on the edge of our seats. We hoped that he would pop the right ones that had a star logo. Surprisingly, luck was on our side!

All darts landed on the right balloons and Christian truly lost his shit. He was howling like a wolf and cheering to himself when he realized that he had won and he could choose among the teddy bears. He got the purple-pink one and handed it over to Willow. She was jumping up and down and was so happy to win a teddy bear this year.

I didn't realize that I was clapping too, whistling, and cheering for him. Christian smiled as he gazed at me. I quickly became uncomfortable and looked elsewhere. Golly, this was so awkward.

"Let's go? There's a lot of things to see," Christian said before taking Willow's hand.

We spent the entire afternoon walking around the wide carnival. Willow was walking between the two of us. I held her right hand and Christian held her left. Christian's free hand held the teddy bear which Willow just named "Periwinkle".

Willow stopped walking and we stopped too, confused why she paused on her tracks.

She looked at my hand in hers, Christian hand on her other hand, and the two of us back and forth. She dreamily declared, "This is the best day of my life."

Willow then continued to walk. She was clearly on cloud nine. Then, I looked at Christian and he was already looking at me. His eyes were so bittersweet. There was sadness, hope, happiness, and regret? His grey eyes were spectrum of emotions I couldn't dare to point out one by one.

All I knew was that, his eyes mirrored mine.

-page break-

Dusk came and the skies were a painter's canvas of blue with fine lines of pink. The sky above was clearly made out of shades perfectly blended together for the twilight of Willow's perfect day. We were waiting on the line to get tickets for the puppet show.

No matter how festive or joyous the venue was, my heart sank when I looked to my right and there was a homeless man begging around. Some people gave him a coin and some didn't.

"Oh," I heard Willow sigh. She was looking at the man too. He wore tattered clothes and was greasy overall.

"I feel bad for him. He must be hungry," Willow was sympathetic. It's one of the traits that I loved most about her. She had a warm heart and a pure spirit.

"Yes, he must be," Christian's voice was low. Based on my memories, he had always generous and completely different from his snobbish parents.

"Daddy, my classmates told me that we should study well so we will not end up like him," Willow said in a tone that's almost a question.

Then, Christian rested his hands on her shoulders and lovingly gave her an advice, "Don't think of it that way, Wil. You should study well not because you don't want to end up like him, but because you can make the world a better place for him."

Willow raised her brow, almost confused.

He explained further, "If you study well and get a great job when you grow up, you will be able to help a lot of people like him."

Willow's eyes brightened at that and I could almost see that she envisioned herself helping a lot of poor men in the future. I smiled at that and I was truly grateful that Christian was setting a good example to her. I may have been protecting myself against him, but I was grateful he was around.

It was our turn to get our ticket. Willow went to the friend where all the children were seated for the show. All parents stood from behind, keeping an eye on their small sons and daughters.

When the show started, I heard Christian say, "Ana".

I turned and looked at him with a questioning expression.

"Thank you for letting me experience this. I've never been happy like this for years," he told me with a warm smile.

Oddly, I felt the same. In all these years, there's something about today that differed from the rest. It was almost as if I had forgotten all of my problems for a second. Just to see my daughter happy this way made me so happy. My mind kept repeated: 'No, Christian is not the reason why you're happy today.'

I just replied, "You're welcome."

We turned our attention to the puppet show. The kinds and the parents were laughing at the stringed objects with funny voices. The jokes were hilarious too though. The tickets were definitely worth it.

There was still this awkwardness between me and Christian. Looking at him in this light, as the father of my daughter was working. I wasn't as angry and upset. Although there's still a huge part of me that wanted to punch and yell at him, that's being contained for now.

He cleared his throat and asked, "Ana?"

"Yeah?" I asked without looking at him.

"I'd like to invite you and Willow to Kate's welcoming party at her school."

Huh?

I looked at him and asked, "What do you mean?"

He explained, "Well, Kate and Ethan's parents are both dead so Kate inherited the estate three years ago. She didn't need a huge house so she turned it into a school. She owns the school and teaches some subjects too. Every year before the school year starts, she hosts this simple party to students and teachers just to thank them for their enrollment. She would appreciate it if you are there . . . and she'd like to meet Willow too."

I was honestly happy to hear about that. Kate had always expressed how she wanted to be a teacher. It would be nice to go there, but I hesitated.

As if he could read my mind, Christian appeased my thoughts.

"Grace won't be there. No socialites or elites. You don't have to worry about Willow too. I think it would be great since she'd been asking about the names I wrote in her family tree," he assured.

I thought about that deeply. I honestly believed him when he said that it would be a simple celebration. Knowing Kate, she didn't believe it was necessary to host such grand parties. Now that her parents weren't around, I felt safe.

In one of my therapy sessions with Doc Daisy, she encouraged me to reconnect with my friends and that no man is an island. In order to be happy, sometimes you need a little company. Besides Hannah and Elizabeth, I didn't have any friends. I've disconnected from all of them. Maybe, it was time to take her advice and reach out to Kate.

"We'll come. Willow and I will come to the party," I confirmed with a shaky voice. Shaky but trying to sound strong.

Christian smiled and said, "Thank you."

A few minutes after, Christian and I saw the same homeless guy who was begging around the carnival. This time, he was closer to us and Christian just walked a few steps to reach him. He gave him a few paper bills. I didn't know how much but I was sure it was enough to make him stop roaming around for a few coins tonight.

He stood next to me again and I tried to relax despite the awkward atmosphere.

-page break-

To say that Willow was exhausted was a true understatement. She was practically half-asleep when we went home. Christian carried her all the way to her room. I'm guessing Mom's already asleep in her room too.

We changed her into her pajamas and when Christian tenderly laid her down her bed, Willow's eyes fluttered open. Her smile said enough. She didn't want this day to end. Her smile got wider when she saw Christian place Periwinkle right next to Olaf, her stuffed toy. Christian then paused when he saw Wooly too. His expression changed when his eyes laid on him. He was engulfed with . . . sadness. I shook my head. There's no way he could be sad about this.

"Daddy, you know Wooly?"

"Yeah, I gave him to your Mom," he recalled.

"Really?" Willow's eyes brightened and I didn't like where this was going.

I walked towards her and sat on her bed by the opposite side of Christian.

"Baby, you have to sleep now. Your eyes are droopy."

Her eyes were already half-shut but she was fighting not to fall asleep.

"I don't want this day to end," she pouted again.

"Oh sweetheart, I know but you have to sleep," I smiled and pressed a light kiss on her forehead.

"Will you and Daddy sleep in the same room too? My friends say their parents sleep in one room."

Christian froze and I did too. How do we explain this to her?

I told her, "Your Dad's coming home tonight, Sweetheart."

"Isn't he home here? Why wouldn't he sleep in your room? That's what Mommies and Daddies do," she sounded so innocent that I didn't want to break her heart.

Why did she have to ask this? Her day was so perfect. I didn't want to destroy it. This was so difficult to explain. I turned to look at Christian and he was frozen still. Tension was all over his body and his eyes were looking on the ground.

I took a deep breath and told her with my gentlest voice, "Sweetheart, your Dad and I are just . . . friends. Your friend's parents are . . . more than that."

Her sleepy face asked, "You can't be 'more than that'?"

"No, we can't," I confirmed. We can't be anymore.

In my peripheral vision, Christian's eyes darted towards mine and I could tell they were intense like he was about to scream something to oppose.

Thankfully, sleep won over Willow and before we knew it, she was snoring loudly. My fingers traced her copper hair strands and I pressed a kiss on her cheek.

I could feel Christian's stare at the two of us but I didn't have the power to return his gaze.

-page break-

The silence was overwhelming when we stepped out of Willow's room. Christian was stiff and he looked to be deep in thought.

We were both wordless as I walked him to the door. There was conflict in his eyes and I could say that like me, he was gravely affected by Willow's questions.

There were some things in this life that she won't understand because of her age.

The more I thought of it, the more I realized how long she had been yearning to have a complete family. How many times had she asked her friends about how Mommies and Daddies act? How many times had she wondered what a father's like before Christian came back in our lives?

What's worse was that I thought all of her questions would be answered but it seemed like she had more questions now than ever before.

When we reached the doorway, Christian stepped out of the house. He turned around and looked at me with such strange tormented expression in his eyes.

"Ana, I'm . . . I . . ." he sighed in frustration.

"Christian—"

"I want to talk about what happened eight years ago. There is so much that you have to know and I want to—"

I interrupted him again, "Christian, there's no use. Things happened already and none of your lies could turn back time."

"Lies? I want to tell you the truth—"

I shook my head and said, "Christian, just don't."

For the first time in a long time, I raised my head and stared at him with strong eyes—eyes that would throw a spear straight to his heart.

With all the therapy sessions I've had and the determination to work on myself, I began to gather this strange power in me. I wrote and wrote in a notebook about the reasons I should see the good things in myself. Suddenly, I was beginning to see it. Something was building inside me and there were no words to describe it.

I declared with a strong voice, "I was not a lawyer, doctor, or a businesswoman. I wasn't someone you'll be proud of. You made me feel small-so small like I didn't matter. Yes, I'm none of those things, Christian but I am me. And I am good enough. Not for you but to all those who can see my worth."

I continued, "Let's leave it all in the past because it doesn't matter anymore."

He looked as if I slapped him across the cheek and punch him in the gut.

"Thank you for today, Christian," with that, I slammed the door to his face and rested my back against the door.

I stood up for myself for a long time and it felt good. It felt so good that I started to cry.

I cried and cried when I finally realized: I am not just Anastasia Steele. I am Anastasia Steele and I am good enough.

I know the truth now: I am good enough.

Thank you for reading this chapter. I am very happy with all of the reviews this fanfiction is getting. Your private messages are all special to me. Thank you so much.

I enjoyed this chapter because it's somewhat happy compared to the others.

What did you think about it?

Thank you again. – Cloud