A Snap Shot
Disclaimer: I don't own a damn thing!
AN: I'm not sure if you follow me on A03 but you should. I post their first/more often.
Inspired by Shadow and Bone: Ruin And Rising
A Snap Shot:
"You hate this," Casey whispered softly into the air between them. The tips of her fingers pushed his dark locks off of his face gently. She thought if she pressed too hard, if he felt her touch too close, he'd come to his senses and disappear altogether. And she just wasn't ready for that to happen just yet. She never would be. But she had to prepare herself for it. She knew. It wasn't an if, but when. And she knew exactly when as well.
"Hate what?" he asked, a hint of a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. He was playing her, keeping the seriousness at bay. Because seriousness meant important and important meant loyalty and morals and all things that only ever led to them fighting; to pulling away from each other. It would lead to pinning and yearning and doing what was best for the country, not for each other. And wasn't that the most tragic downfall of all?
Case thought about her words, choosing them wisely. She didn't want to pick a fight, but she wanted answers. "Court," she finally said, pressing her lips together. She knew the candlelight that filled the darkroom flickered in her eyes. She felt him stare at the flame captured within her blue iris. She wanted to melt into him like warm wax poured onto parchment paper sealing their fate. She wanted to live in the moment with him with no responsibilities. But she knew that was impossible.
Derek's hands came up to cup her cheek. His thumb brushed across her skin so softly, it lulled her. But if she slept- he'd leave. She opened her eyes again, hoping her glare would pin him down into the softness of her bed; soft silks and plush feather-lined pillows. But she knew it wasn't enough. It wasn't his style. Still she hoped to find something in the luxury that would keep him close. Keep him... happy .
"Of course I do. You hate it too," he finally replied, knowingly. But there was something else in his words. A nudge, a reminder of who she was or at least who she had been, to him.
It was a stab in the heart. Because she already knew the answer. But it just wasn't fair of her to keep him there; by her side. He went crazy there. He hated the drama of court, the political backstabbing. He hated knowing she had enemies. Enemies he couldn't just slice down. He hated having to pretend to care. To be posh and correct and dignified . That wasn't him. He was a wild boar in a room full of fine china, and as much as he tried to pretend that he fit in, everyone knew he didn't. And as much as she tried to believe the lies he pressed into her skin like vows, she knew she couldn't.
Derek hated court. He had fallen in love with her when she was nothing but a simple girl. Not the Queen. But years had passed. Wars had been fought. Too many people had died on both sides. They had mourned the losses of those they knew and those who they would never get a chance to.
But she was no longer that girl he fell in love with. She was a queen. There was nothing, no one above her. She made the decision. She had a country to rule over, borders to protect.
But gods she was selfish. She tried to ignore the way his shine had dulled out of his clever eyes as the weeks bleed into months there. She ignored the way his smile was always for show, never the brilliant one that had turned her inside out. But she could only ignore it for so long...
She didn't want that life for him. He deserved more. He deserved happiness. She needed to be selfless and let him go. She'd send him to the country's side, away from all the rules and regulations. Or maybe to war, where at least he felt like the useful , skilled soldier he was. He could command her army, she knew. He was wasted at her side. And she hardly found any time to spend with him while he was near. It was a double edged sword that cut them both so deeply.
She was supposed to marry a prince. A marriage of political convenience of course. She knew it would be good for her country. Derek just gritted his teeth and said nothing. He wouldn't dare. He knew his status in the world. But she saw the way murder flash med before his golden eyes when any man put his hand on hers.
And, the worst part of it all was that he didn't want to be a king. So she wouldn't force him into it. She refused to see the man she loved wilt away in a world that hated everything about him. She didn't want to force him into a uniform that felt like a cage. It wasn't fair. It wasn't just. And she may not have had any choice in the matter of her future but she could save his. At the very least, she could protect his heart, his soul. He wasn't her guard. No, he was a soldier. And she couldn't keep him bound.
"You're sending me away, aren't you," he murmured slowly. His face, the mask, the happiness of their time together, cracking down the middle made her eyes well up. Frustrations. Anger. She felt it all.
She couldn't speak. Couldn't confirm his suspicions. Not without crying anyway. Not without showing vulnerability . And this, if the only thing in her world, she had to be strong about. She almost wished he would fight her on it. They had argued countless times over their future. He always chose to stay by her side, no matter what. But this time, she could see no fight left in him.
Derek just nodded eventually. Pulling her back down to him, pressing a kiss to her forehead. His lips lingered as her heart cracked into pieces between them. His understanding hurt even more. Because he too was tired of fighting. They had gone to war. Together. Fought battles and they were both just so tired of it all.
"Maybe in our next life, Princess," he whispered as her tears fell against his bare chest.
Inspired by a ship in the book. If you know you know.
The angst made me write it.
Ps. I chose to believe they got their shit together eventually. I just didn't want to write that part.
AN:Random side note- Have you read line by line, my podcast au fic? I have a thing about names lol. And I love to drop a Mike/Ash any way I can because I love them dearly.