Thank you so much for waiting. Here's a nice long chapter!

Trigger warnings apply - mention of abuse, nightmares of rape, therapy, mental instability

Keep in mind I'm not a medical professional so don't take everything I write seriously. I get everything from google.

Please review! :)

Chapter 29 Day One

Stress was a trigger for nightmares. And today had been an especially stressful day. It was no surprise that the monsters had come out to torment her mind. Regina had cried herself to sleep that night after her first session with Mal. She didn't even get under the covers. She fell asleep in Emma's hoodie. After going through her nightly routine and changing into pajamas, she had put the hoodie back on, sent a goodnight text to Henry and after debating if she should send one to Emma, she realized maybe Emma might not be in the best place right now either. She had seen the devastated tears streaming down her cheeks when she had driven away. So she put her phone aside and cried.

She dreamed of him. The real life monster that often woke her up in the middle of the night for one thing. This time she had dreamed of one of the times she had woken up with him already inside her. The pressure and pain forcing her out of a deep sleep, and a heavy hand clapping over her mouth to keep her from screaming out in shock. His heavy sweaty body pinned her down to the mattress. She couldn't move, couldn't speak. All she could do was lay there.

She bolted up, a cry escaping from her lips as she desperately tried to breathe. Her eyes took in the dark room of the cabin, and she tried to calm the fear she felt as she realized it was only a nightmare. Leopold wasn't on top of her. He wasn't inside her. She squeezed her legs together, feeling the phantom pains of him stretching her. Emma knew of the marital rape, but she had never told anyone about the nights she would wake up to him forcing himself inside her. Those were worse than her being awake.

She brought her knees to her chest and cried silently in the darkness. Her heart was racing, her body trembling. She didn't know what to do. Emma wasn't here to hold her. She was sure as hell wasn't going to the doctor asleep in the other room. She swung her legs from the bed, got up and started pacing. She couldn't relax. She couldn't rid the feeling of him inside of her or the raw fear she had felt. Her anxiety was through the roof. Her hands shook as she tucked some hair behind her ear.

Maybe some tea would help. Emma usually had her go sit in the living room with some tea when her anxiety became overwhelming. She looked over at her phone through the darkness. Maybe she should text her? As fleeting as that thought had been, Regina immediately shot it down. It was the middle of the night. She didn't want to wake her after the exhausting day they had.

Mind stubbornly made up, she left her phone where it was and went out into the living room. She switched the light on in the kitchen and scoured the cabinets for a mug and some tea. She found them in one of the cabinets and filled the mug with some water and stuck it into the microwave. She didn't want to wake Mal with the kettle. She wasn't in the mood to talk about her nightmare or the anxiety it brought with it.

As she waited for the water to heat up, she stood at the counter with her eyes fixed on the microwave. She wasn't really seeing it. She was lost in her head. Lost in the brutal memories of her nightmares. Somehow the beatings were better than the rapes.

The timer shook her out of her dark thoughts, and she jumped slightly in surprise. She took the mug out and carefully set it down on the counter. She slipped the tea bag in and just as she was about to turn to go back to her room, Mal's voice sounded from the doorway.

"Couldn't sleep?"

She turned in an instant, the tea slipping from her hand and shattering on the floor. She jumped back to avoid the hot liquid. Mal couldn't have known that this was one of her triggers. In fact they were going over her triggers for tomorrow's session. She stepped back until her back hit the counter and she felt herself sliding down, her whole body trembling in fear. She curled up into herself, bringing her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around herself.

Leopold would go into a rage if she dropped a dish, even if most of the time he was the one that caused it. He'd beat her and then make her clean up the mess no matter how hurt she was. She can still hear his cruel voice berating her.

"You damn clumsy girl!"

It took her a long time to not get triggered if Emma was around and something had fallen and shattered mostly caused by her shaking hands or being startled from behind. She just met Mal. She had no idea how this woman would react no matter how much the rational side of her brain was screaming at her that she was safe. So she sat there frozen and shaking against the counter, curled up within herself and looking fearfully up at the intimidating blonde.

However, she didn't get the reaction she expected. Instead, Mal acted as if her fearful reaction wasn't a big deal. She simply cleaned up the glass and hot tea from the floor. Regina was grateful for that. It gave her a moment to catch her breath and pull herself together. When she was done, Mal knelt before her, but kept a respectable distance between them.

"You're safe," she said firmly, her voice calm but also concerned. "I know you don't trust me, but you are safe. No one is going to hurt you."

Regina took shaky breaths, but made no effort to move or say anything. She couldn't move. She couldn't bring herself out of this frozen terrified state. Of course she knew Mal wouldn't hurt her like Leopold had, but her fear clouded her judgement.

So Mal got up, opened a cabinet and reached inside for a mug. She came back towards Regina, standing a good distance away and dropped it to the floor. The sound of shattering glass shook her from her frozen fear. She looked at the psychologist in shock.

"Get up and grab another mug," she said, and from the sound of her no nonsense tone, Regina found herself moving. She stood, grabbed a mug with shaking hands, and looked at Mal.

"Now drop it," she nodded encouragingly. Regina hesitated, not believing what this woman was telling her to do. "No one cares if you break a dish, Regina. Shatter the cup. Throw it across the room. Imagine throwing it at his face."

She caught on to what Mal was doing. She was trying to help her move past her fear. She imagined Leopold standing before her, his cold gaze boring into her. She threw the mug hard against the opposite wall, her anger rising and then falling in some kind of relief. She wasn't afraid this time. Although, she knew it would take more than throwing dishes to get over this trigger. But tonight was the first step.

"Now, do you want to talk about why you can't sleep?" the blonde asked.

Regina shook her head. She wasn't ready and the anxiety and fear she had felt earlier had now dissipated and left her feeling more than exhausted.

"You know where to find me if you have another nightmare," Mal informed her and then turned to head back down the hall towards the bedrooms. "And don't worry about the glass. We'll clean it tomorrow. It's no big deal."

Regina was able to sleep after that. She didn't dream. In fact the moment she closed her eyes, Mal was waking her up moments later or as it seemed. No dreams were better than nightmares. Mal was standing beside her bed, a hand gently shaking her arm and then immediately pulling back when Regina opened her eyes.

"Good Morning, Regina. Get ready and then meet me for breakfast. We have a long day ahead of us."

She didn't give Regina a chance to protest. She was out the door before she could say a word. Regina groaned in annoyance and sat up, bringing a hand through curled locks of hair. The last thing she wanted to do was share a space with this infuriating woman. She didn't want to talk. She didn't want to open up about her past. She wasn't sure how successful this psychologist was, but if Archie couldn't help her and Emma wasn't enough, then what could Mal possibly do to save her.

She took a quick shower, got dressed in black slacks and a blouse. She applied some light makeup with red lipstick. She looked every bit the intimidating professor and wife of the mayor she once was. It was the perfect mask she had carefully constructed to keep people from seeing the pain in her eyes.

She came out and sat at the breakfast table where Mal laid out a bowl of fruit, a plate of avocado toast and 2 cups of coffee. Apparently, she wasn't allowed to use anything in the kitchen at the risk of a knife repeat. For now, Mal was the one making the meals.

"I hope you're hungry," Mal said as she sat across from her and helped herself to some fruit. Regina picked up the avocado toast hesitantly. "You'll need your appetite later for the stables. I went ahead and took care of the horses this morning, since we have a lot to cover first. Tomorrow morning is when the real work with them begins."

"I'd rather clean stalls all day than have another session," Regina growled out. Her temper was short this morning and she could feel her anger rising. It didn't help that she had little to no sleep last night. Mal just looked at her, her gaze fixed on Regina. At this point people usually shied away from the brunette's temper, but it seemed Mal wasn't fazed in the slightest.

"You know, that mask may work on the people in Storybrooke, but not on me," she said, her voice cool. "In fact, why don't we start our session now over breakfast. Do you want to start with last night?"

Regina stiffened in her seat. Memories of the dark nightmares flashed in her head, and the phantom feeling of Leopold forcing himself inside her overwhelmed her. She subtly crossed her legs at the pain that was only in her mind.

"I do not wish to discuss it."

"Ok, then let's discuss your triggers," Mal said, not pushing her further on her nightmares. Regina didn't know what she preferred. Talking about her nightmares or talking about her triggers. Mal stood and disappeared into her office for a moment and then came back with a notebook and pen. She took a seat and then handed Regina the items. "I want you to use this to write down your feelings. Holding in your emotions won't help you in the slightest, despite what your mother taught you." Regina took the notebook and set it down next to her plate of half eaten toast.

"Go ahead and start writing down a list of your triggers that you wish to work through."

Regina didn't protest. In fact she opened the notebook and started slowly jotting them down. Despite her reluctance to be here and opening up to a woman she just met, she wanted the help. She wanted to do this for her family and herself. If last night was just a hint of Mal's methods, then Regina was curious to see more. It was definitely a different approach than Archie's methods. He and Emma would have just talked her down, have her take some breaths and answer the grounding questions. Instead, Mal made her take her fear into her own hands and crush it.

When they were done with breakfast, Mal led her into her office and had her take a seat on the couch. She sat on the armchair across from her.

"Can I see what you have written?" Mal asked. Regina handed over the notebook, unable to make eye contact. For some reason she felt embarrassed. Mal must have noticed because she looked at Regina with a concerned but yet curious gleam in her blue eyes. "What are you feeling?" she asked softly, laying the notebook in her lap.

"I wrote down a lot," Regina mumbled, so unlike the fierce woman people saw her as. She realized her mask was crumbling.

"That's nothing to be embarrassed about," Mal reminded her. She opened the notebook and Regina was surprised that she didn't encourage her to make eye contact like Archie and Emma would. She looked at Mal to see her intently studying her list.

"What would happen when you'd accidentally drop a dish?" Mal asked, looking up at her.

She would get slapped, thrown to the ground, kicked, yelled at. She shuddered at the memories, her hands shaking suddenly.

"He'd go into a rage, call me names, use his fists," she listed, her tone emotionless almost as if she were dissociating herself. "Sometimes I felt like he just looked for any little excuse to punish me. He was angry at me all the time. Anything was enough to set him off, even something as simple as a broken dish."

"Is that what you thought was going to happen last night?" Mal asked, her gaze falling down to those shaking hands for a moment. Regina desperately tried to still them, but it was no use. Her anxiety was rising.

"A part of me did," Regina confessed, a part of her walls suddenly crumbling. As intimidating as the strong woman before her was, Regina felt an incredible sense of understanding from her. It was different from what she felt with Emma. Emma loved her and understood her through her own traumas, but Mal looked at her as if she herself had been through something more similar.

Mal focused on the list again, silently reading down the triggers Regina had written down. The silence had given her a moment to pull herself together, and Regina was grateful for that. After a moment Mal looked up and handed Regina the notebook. She gave her a small confident smile, one that made Regina curious.

"What?" she asked.

"I'm confident we can work through every single one, but I can't promise that you'll overcome all of them right away. Some of them may need time. Some of them, only you will know when you're ready to move on."

"Where do we start?" Regina asked, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with everything.

"Can I take your hands?" Mal asked. Regina hesitated, unsure where Mal was going with this. The doctor reached out her hands, palms up. "You're ok," she whispered, her voice soft and so assuring. Regina had no idea how she managed to be so intimidating yet so gentle. She slowly placed her trembling hands in warm open palms.

"When did this anxious tic start?" she asked, gently squeezing her hands as if she were trying to stop the trembling herself.

"I can't exactly pinpoint it. It just started to gradually happen over the last year I was with him."

"Did you mostly notice it when you thought you were about to get in trouble?"

Regina nodded.

"The first thing I want to start with is going over breathing exercises to help your anxiety. Go ahead, and lie down please."

Regina did as she was told, her annoyance from this morning gradually fading. She didn't fight her, and simply lied on her back, her head on a pillow.

"Close your eyes," Mal said, getting up and drawing the curtains just enough to dim the room. "We're going to focus on two techniques," she continued as she took her seat once more. "The first one is called breath focus. Take a second and notice how it feels when you inhale and exhale. Now mentally scan your body. Do you feel how tense your body is, how your hands are trembling?"

"Yes," Regina's voice shook. She could feel the tension in her shoulders, back and abdomen. This was different from the breathing exercises Archie had her do.

"That's it, now take slow deep breaths through your nose. Notice how your belly and upper body expands. Exhale… Good," Mal's voice was soft and gentle, and Regina could feel her entire body relaxing. "Keep doing this for three minutes and pay attention to the rise and fall of your body as you breathe. Some people find it helps to say a word during exhale like safe or calm. It's all about mind focusing. Do you want to try that?"

Regina inhaled and then exhaled, the word I'm safe falling from her lips in a whisper.

"That's right, you're safe. Keep doing what you're doing. Imagine your inhale washing over you like a wave. Imagine your exhale carrying away all your anxiety and bad thoughts."

She imagined she was standing by the beach, the word safe escaping her lips with each exhale. Her body felt heavy and relaxed as she looked out into the ocean. She could feel the sand in her toes, and the breeze through her hair. The smell of salt filled her senses. She imagined her anxiety and her trauma washing away with the waves. If only it were that simple.

"Keep going," Mal whispered. "You're doing so good Regina. When you're ready, we can start the next one."

When the heaviness in her chest had lifted, and she felt calm enough to come back to the real world, she opened her eyes to see Mal watching her intently.

"Welcome back. How do you feel?"

"Lighter," she said and then brought her hands up to see they were no longer trembling. She was no longer trembling.

"I want you to practice that exercise or this next one I'm about to show you for at least ten minutes every morning and every night."

"Ok," Regina nodded, already feeling confident that these techniques might help with the nightmares.

"Now, for our second technique, it is called abdomen breathing. You're going to breathe through your diaphragm."

Mal got up and grabbed some pillows from another arm chair and approached Regina. She immediately tensed, and sat up halfway when the older woman came close to her.

"Regina, look at me," Mal said. "No one is going to hurt you. I'm just going to put this pillow under your knees. Watch my hands."

Regina watched her hands, her body slightly trembling once more. She didn't trust easily and therefore it would be a while before she could even trust this woman no matter how much she helped her. Mal gently placed the pillows under her knees and then sat on the edge of the coffee table instead of going back to her previous seat.

"Regina," Mal said. "Take a breath." She hadn't realized she was holding her breath and took a shaky breath in and exhaled. "Ok, now place a hand on your heart and the other beneath your ribs."

Regina did, and as nervous as she had suddenly become, her hands were no longer shaking.

"Close your eyes. Inhale and exhale through your nose. Notice how your stomach and chest move as you breathe. Isolate your breathing so you're bringing air deeper into your lungs. Good. Now try the reverse. Breathe so your chest moves more than your stomach. Now reverse again so your stomach is moving instead of your chest. That's where you want to get to. There you go. Now keep doing this for as long as you need to. I'll be right back."

She heard the older woman get up, but she was so relaxed in her breathing she didn't seem to care where she was going. She thought of the beach again. The sand, the waves, the smell of the sea. She imagined Emma standing with her, holding her hand. Kissing her.

She became so relaxed she didn't even realize she had been drifting until Mal's footsteps sounded in the room again. She opened her eyes to see Mal sitting on the recliner once more.

"How did that feel?" she asked. Regina sat upright once more and ran a hand through her dark hair.

"Like I can breathe," she whispered.

"The trembling in your hands is from the stress. Over time it will fade as you learn to control your anxiety." She then gestured to an empty mug that was placed on the coffee table. Regina guessed that was where she had disappeared to. "Pick that up, remember to breathe."

Regina did as she was told, unsure where Mal was going with this.

"There are several techniques we're going to try while you're here," she continued. "One of them we just did. Stress inoculation therapy. We focused on your breathing. Like I said, you are to do one of those techniques in the morning and night and during our sessions if it gets too much for you. Another technique we're going to try is behavior therapy. I will expose you to your triggers and help you move past them."

Her fiery blue eyes fell upon the mug in Regina's hand.

"Drop the mug."

"Here?" she asked, surprised that Mal was asking her to do this again. Was last night not enough?

"Getting so anxious and nervous to the point that your hands shake and you drop whatever you're holding in front of him is the first trigger you listed. Drop the mug. Throw it against that wall if you have to."

Regina threw it against the wall away from them and it shattered with a satisfying crash.

"Now, the third technique we're going to work on is Psychodynamic therapy where we talk about the past and understand the trauma that came with it and how it had impacted you. Among other techniques, we will also be building your trust, confidence, self worth, and learning to control your anger. We'll address your anxiety, dissociation, and depression. And among all else, we will help you figure out who Regina is. Now, I can't find her for you, but I can push you down the right path."

"And you think all of these techniques will make me better?"

"You threw the mug, didn't you?" she asked. "And you didn't panic like you did last night."

"I still felt uneasy," she admitted.

"Talk to me about it," Mal encouraged her. "This is the part where we understand the trauma behind the trigger."

"I don't know what to say," her voice sounded hoarse with threatening tears, and she quickly wiped her eyes. She refused to sit here and cry.

"Talk about last night. You were afraid of me. You thought I would hurt you like he hurt you."

"The rational side of me was being drowned by my fear," Regina admitted.

"Talk to me about an incident where you dropped a dish. It doesn't have to be the worst one."

Regina looked down at her hands, she could feel herself trembling once more and she took several deep breaths. She tried to stay grounded. She thought back to one of the worst incidents despite Mal's directions. She couldn't help it, because this incident had far more meaning than all the others. She had just been pregnant, and it was that moment where she had first realized he didn't care about the baby he gave her.

"I can't," she whispered, her walls going up once more. For a moment she had let Mal in and now she was shutting herself out. "I don't want to talk."

"At some point you're going to have to open up to me," Mal said. "You're going to have to learn to trust me."

"He'd get angry! He'd punish me! What more do you need to know!" Regina snapped, her eyes blazing, her anger rising out of frustration. She didn't want to talk about this. How could she even explain to a stranger how he had kicked her while she was on her hands and knees in glass, pregnant, and he had kicked her. She hadn't lost the baby then, but eventually she would. She had never told anyone about this. She had never told anyone about most of the abuse she suffered through. She was alone for so long, and opening up for the first time in years was more than painful.

"Ok," Mal's voice was stern. She leaned forward in her seat. "Let's reign back that anger for a moment. Tell me why you're getting frustrated."

"You're not listening," she huffed, folding her arms across her chest.

"I know you don't want to talk, Regina. Opening up to me is a huge step. I understand why you're frustrated. You feel too vulnerable, which is why you're shutting me out and why you're starting to lash out."

"Then why keep pushing?"

"I have to push you, Regina. Otherwise, you will get nowhere in your recovery. My goal here is to win your trust, for you to feel safe enough to open up to me about your trauma. Unfortunately, I can see that this is not happening today."

She stood, and Regina watched her in confusion as she left the room without another word. Something inside her broke as she assumed Mal was giving up on her too. Had she finally pushed away the last person that can help her?

Her assumptions were proved wrong, however, when Mal came back in with a pair of jeans and riding boots.

"As professional as you look, Dr. Mills. A sensible pants suit isn't suited for the stables." She handed Regina the items. "Go get changed."

Mal led Regina across the field and over to the stables. She can sense the younger woman pouting behind her. She seemed to close up on herself since their session. It was expected after all. However, out of all the patients she had helped over the years, there was something about Regina. She reminded her the most of herself. Closed off, afraid of the world, afraid to let anyone in. Once upon a time she had been where Regina was, but she had overcome her dark past, and she had confidence that Regina could too. Before going into the stables, Mal approached the fence where her gentle tempered mares were neighing at them for attention. Mal went up to them and petted their muzzles, talking softly to them, and then turning to see Regina watching uncomfortably.

"Come meet them," she encouraged her, not understanding her reluctance. Mal had learned from Emma that Regina loved horses, had grown up with them and learned to ride. Where did this hesitance come from? She wondered how long it has been since she's ridden. Getting her in the saddle was another goal Mal had made for her. "They don't bite," she said when Regina didn't move.

She just stood there like a deer in the headlights, in fact her gaze averted down to her boots. She mentally scanned over the list of triggers Regina had given her, and she knew for a fact that horses weren't on there. Maybe this was a trigger Regina wasn't aware of.

"Regina, be honest with me. I won't make you talk about it, I just need an answer. Is this a trigger?"

She nodded, her eyes finally meeting hers and Mal could see nothing but grief in those shining brown eyes. She tilted her head, remembering reading about Daniel in the files Archie had given her. He had worked in the stables. Maybe this was a reminder of the love she had lost.

"Come with me," Mal said, not pushing her any further. They walked into the stables and she could see Regina starting to tremble again. Her hands were shaking, and she realized this might be the first time she's stepped into the stables since she lost her first love.

"Breathe, Regina," she said, facing her as they stood in the middle of the walkway. Most of the horses were out in the fields except for one temperamental one she couldn't leave alone with the others. She had just rescued him. He had a rough life in his short four years of life. She was working with him, hoping he would become a good fit for her program with some love and patience. "Close your eyes, and practice breathing like I had taught you. You don't need to lie down."

The brunette was shaking so hard at this point, her face pale and her breaths became ragged. Mal frowned in concern as Regina tried to do as she was told. Her panic became overwhelming, and Mal had to lead her over to a stack of hay and sit her down. "Head down, between your knees," she encouraged. "Breathe, that's it." She knelt before her, wanting to reach out and offer any sort of comfort but she knew that could only make it worse. Regina didn't quite trust her yet.

"Let's work through this, Regina," she whispered. "Talk to me please."

At those words, Regina straightened up and looked at her with teary eyes. Tears ran down her cheeks, and Mal's heart melted with the amount of grief and pain she saw in her.

"I can feel him," she whispered. "The smell of the hay, the horses…"

"You never got to grieve, did you?" she asked. Regina shook her head. From what Mal could remember from the files, Regina had been married to Leopold right after the incident. She doubted that bastard or her wicked mother even gave her a chance to mourn her boyfriend's death. "How about I step away for a moment and allow you a moment to grieve. Take as much time as you need to. I'll be out in the fields when you're ready."

"Thank you," Regina whispered, her body racking with oncoming sobs. She wasn't sure about leaving her when she was this upset, but she knew Regina needed this moment. After all, she needed Regina to see that she trusted her, and in turn Regina could learn to trust her too. She stood, leaving the heartbroken woman and went over to Hunter, her grumpy new charge.

"Alright boy, let's get you outside."

After a bit of reluctance on Hunter's part, Mal managed to get the horse outside into a separate paddock. She hasn't been able to ride him yet. He trusted her to some extent. He'll let her lead him to and from the stables and the paddock. He'll let her go into his stable, and eat from her hand. But riding was the issue. He's never been ridden before and freaked out whenever a saddle was put upon his back.

As she worked on building his trust with him, she thought about the woman in the stables. She wondered if leaving her alone was the right idea. Regina's case definitely hit home. She hoped she could be the one to help her.

It had been a good hour till Regina was walking across the field and over to the paddock where Hunter was running controlled laps around her. A small smile graced her lips, but she didn't let Regina see it. The brunette leaned against the fence and watched her work with the quick tempered horse.

After a few more minutes, Mal ceased Hunter and brought him to a stop. She gave him treats and allowed him to rest. She came over to where Regina was standing on the other side of the fence.

"What's wrong with him?" she asked, her gaze fixed on the horse. Since her arrival yesterday, Mal noticed the lack of eye contact.

"He had a rough past," Mal explained. "He was neglected in a dirty stable his whole life. He was never taken out or ridden. He doesn't trust easily."

"He doesn't look like he's afraid of you."

"He trusts me to an extent. It took a while to get there."

Regina nodded, her gaze fixed on the grazing horse.

"Thank you for letting me have a chance to say goodbye to him," Regina said softly, her gaze still fixed on Hunter. Mal looked at her, wishing she'd make eye contact.

"I'm sorry," Mal acknowledged her loss. Perhaps this was the first time anyone had acknowledged her loss since the incident. A heavy silence passed between them, and Mal could feel the grief and pain that had weighed heavily on the brunette for years. She finally met her eyes and she could see the vulnerability in those orbs.

"He would have wanted me to come back to the stables. He would have wanted me to start riding again. He would have wanted me to find happiness."

"He sounds like he loved you dearly."

"He did," she whispered with a small smile gracing her lips.

The rest of the afternoon was spent with Mal showing Regina around the stables and fields, and then after, how to clean and take care of the horses. She showed her the morning routine she would be responsible for during her stay here. Regina didn't complain once. Mal had a feeling she liked doing this kind of stuff. Her grief had made her lash out before. She noticed she was still avoiding the horses, but Mal had a feeling that with time, she'll learn to let them in as well. Everything was a work in progress right now, just like with Hunter. When they were done for the day, they made it back to the cabin. Regina went to go shower while Mal started on dinner. She never made her patients cook or prepare meals for two reasons. The first being a lot of them came with suicidal tendencies and she couldn't risk them handling objects that they could hurt themselves with. The second reason was that she knew most of them were forced to have a meal on the table or they'd get beaten. It was a trigger, and she wanted them to feel safe knowing that making a meal was never expected of them. In fact it had been one of Regina's triggers she had listed.

The food was nearly done when Regina came out wearing leggings and a hoodie, her hair was slicked back from her shower. A drawing pad and a case of pencils was tucked under her arm. She looked shyly at Mal.

"Can I draw or do you need me to help you?" she asked.

"This is your free time, dear. You may do whatever you wish to."

Regina nodded in relief and just as she was heading to the couch in the living room, Mal spoke up again. "You are never expected to cook or prepare a meal during your stay here."

Regina gave her a small relieved smile and then settled down on the couch in front of the fireplace with her legs tucked up under her. Mal watched her curiously for a moment, wondering what she was drawing. She looked so relaxed. If she could offer her a glass of wine, she would. Unfortunately, she couldn't while on medication. So instead she went over to the old record player that was in the living room and started shifting through her collection of vinyls.

"You don't mind a little music, do you?" she asked, still shuffling through them.

"Of course not," Regina replied.

"Do you have any favorites?" Mal asked, turning to look at her.

"I wouldn't mind some Fleetwood Mac. I used to listen to them every chance I could as a teenager. My mother would only let me listen to classical music."

"She sounds very strict," she commented as she pulled a record out and played it. Landslide started softly playing throughout the cabin.

"She was," Regina mumbled, letting the conversation drop and focusing all her attention on her drawing. She obviously wasn't comfortable bringing up her mother. Deciding to not push her in her free time, Mal went back over to the kitchen to resume prepping their dinner, chicken with roasted potatoes and veggies. Cora was another topic among many that they will eventually talk about. Regina started humming to the music, and Mal was happy that she could relax after a mentally exhausting day. She didn't want her to have anymore nightmares.

Dinner was quiet, but not uncomfortable. Regina seemed to be relaxed for the first time since arriving, thanks to a little down time and some Stevie Nicks. They had small talk here and there, and although Regina didn't open up about the bigger, more painful subjects, she did talk about her taste in music and books. Mal opened up a bit too. Of course she steered away from any subject having to do with her own dark past. Once they were done, Regina had insisted on helping with the clean up and although Mal preferred she didn't, she didn't stop her. She had the brunette put the leftover food away and wipe the table while she herself handled the dishes.

"I've got it from here, dear," Mal said when Regina had finished her tasks. "Why don't you go wait for me in my office for our evening reflection. Take your notebook and start writing down any emotions you felt today."

Regina agreed and once she was gone, Mal dried her hands on a towel and then grabbed a glass from the cabinet. She poured some water and set the glass on the kitchen island. She went over to her room, opened the closet to reveal a small lock box in the back of her clothes. This was where she kept her patients medications. She pulled out the vial Emma had given to her and poured out the right dose. She made sure the box was locked and then headed back out to the kitchen. She grabbed the glass of water and headed to her office where Regina was seated on the couch.

She discreetly placed the water and pill on her desk before Regina could notice. Emma had mentioned that Regina had a hard time taking her medication and she didn't want to upset her before their session.

She picked up her macbook and sat on the recliner. She powered on the mac and watched Regina write in her notebook for a while. She didn't want to interrupt her. This session was meant to help discuss any emotions she felt throughout the day. Talking and communicating about how she felt was something she knew Regina struggled tremendously with.

"Take your time dear, there's no need to rush. When you're ready, let me know."

Regina looked up and nodded, and then resumed writing. They sat in a comfortable silence. Mal spent time touching up her treatment plant for Regina, adding and taking out anything she felt necessary. Once she was satisfied with her alterations, she started going through her lesson plans for the kids this week and how she would incorporate Regina into the lessons.

"I'm ready, but I'm hesitant to share," Regina's voice pulled her from her work. She closed the macbook, letting it rest in her lap. She looked at the brunette whose gaze was fixed on the closed notebook in her lap. She looked nervous.

"Why are you hesitating?" she asked softly.

Regina didn't answer, in fact her demeanor suddenly became rigid, her grip on the notebook was tight. Her mask was on and this time Mal's goal was to break it down.

"Remember, the point of our evening sessions is to practice opening up about your emotions. You're not going to be reprimanded or judged in any way for doing so. This is a safe space."

"I just… I don't know how to talk about what I feel without being afraid."

"What would happen if you showed emotion?" Mal frowned, deciding to get to the root of her fear. Something dark flickered in her eyes, and Mal could see her retreating further into herself. Her gaze fell to Regina's suddenly shaking hands. She dropped her notebook.

"Don't worry about the notebook," Mal whispered. "Focus on the question."

Mal saw it before she could even stop it. Regina's eyes glazed over. Her breaths became shallow and her complexion paled. She was dissociating her mind from the current situation. She had read about it from the files and heard about it from Archie, but this was the first time she's seen it. The question had triggered it, or at least the emotional response that was tied to the trauma had triggered it.

"Regina?"

She didn't respond, so Mal got up and approached her, kneeling before her and taking her shaking hands in hers. She needed her to feel something. She hoped the warmth and comfort she tried to provide by holding her hands would be enough.

"Look at me, Regina. You're safe. You're in my cabin. You're not with Leopold or Cora." She wasn't responding, her breaths were still coming out in short gasps. She was shaking. Her eyes were glazed over as if she were far away from here.

Seeing that she couldn't talk her out of it, Mal carefully released her hands and got up. She rushed to the kitchen, grabbed a towel and soaked it in cold water. She wrung the excess water in the sink and took it back to her dissociating patient.

"Regina, snap out of it," she encouraged, placing the cold towel on her forehead and gently moving her back so she was laying down. She moved her legs on the couch as well. She heard the hitch of her breath as she finally started to snap out of it thanks to the cold sensation of the towl.

"Dr. Blaze," she gasped, her hand flying to the towel on her forehead.

"Leave it there, dear," Mal said softly, sitting on the edge of the couch by her legs. "You dissociated there for a moment."

"I did?"

She nodded, her eyes watching Regina for any sign of distress. Her breathing was still erratic and she was still shaking, but thankfully her panic didn't seem to be increasing.

"Breathe, like we had practiced," she encouraged her.

Regina slowly started practicing her breath focus. Mal watched her, counted down for her, and when she was relaxed once more, her body no longer trembling, Mal stood and resumed her seat on the recliner.

Regina sat up and placed the towel on the coffee table. She looked better if not slightly pale still. She curled up into herself, pulling her knees into her chest and wrapping her arms around herself. She looked so vulnerable.

"Do you want to tell me where you just went?" Mal asked.

Regina shook her head.

"How about telling me what triggered your dissociation?"

She stayed silent, and Mal had to bite back any words of frustration from escaping her lips. She had to remind herself that Regina never learned to healthy express herself. And when she did express herself, it was through anger and intimidation.

"We cannot move forward with our task unless I find out what had triggered you."

"I wish to turn in," she stubbornly said, her eyes challenging Mal to deny her. She held her patient's gaze, and with a defeated sigh, Mal knew there was no getting through to her tonight just like last night's session.

"Very well, but we will come back to this tomorrow night Regina, and I won't be so lenient."

She stood and went over to her desk, picking up the water and pills and brought them over to the brunette. Regina averted her eyes as Mal handed the items over to her. She took them despite her hesitance.

"Taking medication is not a sign of weakness, despite what you may think. It does not mean you're vulnerable in any way. Even the strongest people need help too."

"They make me numb," Regina whispered, self loathing flashing across her face. She practically snarled at the medication in her palm.

"Why do you think that?" Mal asked.

"It makes the dark thoughts go away, but they're still there just underneath the service. I'm still depressed. I'm still anxious, and these pills only subdue it for a moment. I stop taking them and I start sprilaling again. Like I said, they make me numb."

"They're meant to protect you."

"If you say so," Regina grumbled and took the pills with a shaking hand. She drank the water and with a nod at the therapist, she headed back to her room. Mal watched her go, and when she heard the bedroom door shut, she picked up the notebook that had lain forgotten on the floor.

As curious as she was to read what Regina had written, she set it on the coffee table and headed to her own room. She wanted Regina to share when she was ready. Tonight wasn't that night.