DISCLAIMER: I own nothing from the Naruto universe but I do have an imagination of my own.

Thinking (or flashbacks, etc.)

Emphasis

Biju, etc. speaking

Biju, etc. thinking

"Now before I fuck that bad attitude right out of you repeatedly, I've got some things to say. You, Uzumaki Naruto, are going to listen!"

Kakashi had been a man of his word.

Naruto had gotten over her anger hours ago, and really just wanted to sleep. First, Kakashi had explained in painstaking detail that he was
1. A bastard who locked himself away within violence or silence in emotional situations,
2. Desperately in love with her,
3. Never thought he would be a father and feared being a poor excuse for one based on his own father's suicide, let alone Sasuke - which led to some seriously angry sex. She didn't want to hear him say he felt at all father-like to that teme!
4. He was also madly in love with "their pups," a term she'd finally given up arguing with him about. Arguing with the sex maniac had only led to her being more tired. Not that it wasn't great…

The cuddly old man was very convincing, and she loved his emotionally-stupid ass anyway. "No, I wanna sleep!"

"You have to eat, Naru-chan," Kakashi scolded as he held her up in his arms, waving dango under her nose. Just the smell of ramen had caused her nausea to return, red bean soup had made her try to jump out of the window almost naked to get away from it, and even eggplant had been met with a deadpan stare from the woman. She had eaten a bit of dango, but she needed to eat a lot more. Her stomach chose that moment to absolutely roar, much to his satisfaction. "C'mon now."

"No! I don't… well, there is something I wouldn't mind having. But we'll have to go get it: I don't like how many times Yamato-taicho has been in here for delivery service. You know how he reacted when he saw," Naruto couldn't finish her sentence; it was too embarrassing. They had been caught.

"Maa, Naru-chan, Tenzo's seen my ass and balls more times than I probably have. I kept you covered."

Naru didn't reply to his statement and didn't really want to know just how true that was, and in what situations they were viewing or doing who knows what to each other - if that was the case. "I want waffles and chili. Hot chili. And really sweet waffles. Right now. Move it!" Kakashi watched as the love of his life suddenly moved with the speed and grace of a kunoichi of her caliber, only wishing she'd slow down so he could better watch her flit around and gather her clothes. The Sharingan was copying her moves, so he could slow down her actions later. "Chop, chop, Hatake! Let's move!"

"Yes, ma'am! You might want to do something with your hair…" Oops: she'd jumped out the window while he was trying to put his pants on.

Kakashi watched his bride-to-be in something akin to horror as she went to town on her third helping of chili and waffles. He was grateful that she didn't put the chili on top of the sugar-laden western breakfast, but worried that she'd make herself sick again. At least she's consuming calories. Her long hair was far past tousled and just screamed that she'd been getting railed repeatedly all night long.

He felt immeasurably proud. A little sick at what she was eating, but proud nonetheless.

All at once she stopped and asked him to put up a genjutsu. He did so and watched as she pulled out a bottle of sealing ink. She made something like a simple silencing seal with a very fine brush, yet there was something more to it. Just as he began to ask her about the details that seemed superfluous, she groaned and grabbed the bridge of her nose. "Are you alright?! You shouldn't have eaten so fast."

"It's not that. Kurama's just… super pleased right now. I don't know what he's doing, but, never mind. Look, we need to head over to Intelligence soon to check out those supposed 'Taka' bodies. Did you send the bullets over there to be analyzed? Some of them were high-caliber, and I was so busy pulling you and Baa-chan out of their way, I didn't get a chance to see which ones were coming from what weapons."

He actually hadn't sent them over or even looked at them. He'd been so concerned about finding Naru after seeing her note, he hadn't even used his chakra to open the storage compartment that housed them. Some Hokage he was. "Don't do that again, Naruto. You almost got yourself and the pups killed. That's an order."

Naruto scoffed at him. "I only got hit because YOU almost took a bullet right as my first sage-mode disengaged. Or whatever it's called. Gah! I can't remember! You just need to move your slow ass faster! Anyway, Baa-chan did something to disturb my other clone, and I forgot until after I was hit that I had four more clones on Mt. Myoboku just sitting there gathering natural energy, but by then the situation was alright. They really pissed me off, though. I mean, if someone's going to shoot you, it's gonna be me."

Kakashi tried to decide whether or not she was serious, but Naru only dug back into her chili. She looked exceedingly pleased with herself. "You know that my ass is both plenty fast and powerful, sweetheart." She ducked her head after freezing for a second, and he really loved the blush that overtook her features. He never would've pictured himself falling in love and getting married, least of all to someone so hard-headed and challenging - one who could eat like an army, too - but he wouldn't change it for the world. He cleared his throat, but of course, Mouthy-sama spoke right up when he'd intended to.

"And don't think I was putting the kits in danger! I would never do such a thing! Kurama's got my womb locked up tighter than the Daimyo's vault." In a lower voice, she said, "You know that guy's a super-miser and has a vault he had someone rip off from the West, right? I put a seal on it, so NO-ho-ho-body's getting in that thing, ya know."

Kakashi did know about that vault. He was the unit commander of those who did the heist.

"Do ya think we should just stop ripping them off?" Naruto asked cutely, her head tilted sideways. He used a napkin to wipe the syrup off her face. Had it been the chili, he would've kissed it off.

"Not really."

Naruto pouted at him. "But there are all these copyright laws over there, and if we ever decide to engage with them on the up-and-up at some point, we're gonna get shafted! I mean, I believe the Naras could get us out of anything: the lawyers over there wouldn't stand a chance, but I think we have plenty of technology that we could alter and make our own out of! And they have SO MANY lawyers! We're already doing our own wifi…"

"Actually, we're piggybacking off Japan's," Kakashi eye-smiled as he pulled his mask back up.

"That's so lame, 'ttebayo! Oh my God! I'm complicit! I just now remembered altering these weird frequencies and allowing new data into the barrier seals!" Naruto wailed.

"I suppose you are, my dear."

"How could I have been so stupid?! I'm an international criminal," Naruto said, holding her face in her hands.

"Maa, Naru-chan. We're shinobi. It comes with the territory."

"Ne, Kakashi," she said too sweetly all of the sudden. "They say there's some really unbelievably picturesque - some absolutely beautiful places we could go see over there if you know… we were to make peace with them."

"We could go over there anyway, just the two of us. They say Hawaii is beautiful and it's not too far away. There's Malaysia or Micronesia - and Okinawa's really close. We wouldn't even have to take a plane to get there," Kakashi said, already thinking of honeymoon spots now that she brought it up. He might not be able to wear his mask over there, though. Or maybe I could... "If those idiots weren't causing their temperatures to rise, we could even go to Australia for a couple of weeks. Tsunade could take back over..."

"Like she'll agree to that! And planes are scary!"

"Just for a couple of weeks - or months or so," he smiled at the thought. "Can't you levitate, Naru? Why in the world would you be afraid of a plane?!"

"I can levitate?! I'm awesome!" She laughed cheerily. "Or I would be if I could remember how to do it! Let's go over to Intelligence. Then I want to start on my plan for world peace!"

"Back to the Tower for a shower first."

"Pervert!"

Really, Kakashi had only planned to freshen up for the day, and allow Naruto to do the same as well as fix her crazy hair, but her idea was excellent. Now she was all tuckered out in his bedroom, fast asleep.

A few hours after he'd asked Kiba to run Naruto's scroll over to Intelligence, Kurama jumped through his window, sides bulging and smelling like blood. "I don't know if I want to know, but where have you been?" Kakashi asked

"Those tigers are a real treat!"

Kakashi raised a silver eyebrow at the chibi demon. "Anko lives in the Forest of Death, you know. She's going to want to kill you," he remarked.

"Who do you think I shared it with?!" Kurama curled up in his windowsill and looked like he was sleeping off a hangover. Naruto, clad in a tiny chemise, popped out of a toad, which was completely unnecessary: she'd only been upstairs. She grabbed Kurama, who began shouting obscenities as she held him tight. "Hands off, you horrible ninken factory!"

"You jerk! Tigers are endangered, let alone the great big ones they have over in Training Ground 44 that are even rarer! I knew you were doing something shitty! You're getting a bath!"

"WHAT?! Oh no, please, Naruto. I'm sorry!"

Kakashi was glad his mask was in place so that no one could possibly witness his mouth hanging open as Naruto dragged Kurama back inside the toad's mouth before it disappeared again. A half-hour later, they both returned through the door, Naruto looking smug and Kurama looking sad and wet.

"He was lying. He just had a rabbit." She turned to the fox. "You still shouldn't eat anything in the Forest of Death, Kurama. Here, I'll brush your pretty fur." She put him on the windowsill and did just that. Kakashi watched with his hand on his fist, as his beautiful soon-to-be bride brushed the horrible fox's (the one she'd apparently tamed,) orange fur as she cooed at him. "Hey, Kakashi, has Gaara-kun sent anything back yet?"

Gaara-kun? Well, wasn't that oh-so-familiar? Too familiar, he'd decided long ago. He bounced his pen on his desk in irritation. "Maa, you sent him that information, too?"

"Sure did. I'm required to, ya know. It's part of my mission now that we're all allied and stuff. I mean, THIS is still my home village, ya know," she gave Kakashi a wink, " so I give the Leaf preference, but Suna's number two, and Snow and Wave are number three. I still provide intelligence to everyone, just like Ero-sennin did: I just measure it out according to who needs to know and who does NOT need to know certain information. I even sell to bandits and sometimes rogues!"

"Naruto!" It was hard to believe that this was the same loudmouthed knucklehead she'd been as a supposed man that he'd never realized was in ANBU. Seriously: I must be getting old and really need to retire even more than I thought.

"What? Give me a break. Intelligence is a give-and-take kind of business. ALL businesses are: you've gotta keep your costs down and profits up. And of course, the greatest profit for everyone is peace!" Naru gave him a brilliant smile. "So anyway, did you hear from Ra-kun?" She giggled. "He hates it when I call him that."

I hate it more, Kakashi thought. "Maa, Gaara-sama had some interesting ideas about you, hime." Naruto continued facing away from him as she brushed the little monster. Jealousy burned through him. "He said he wanted to marry you."

Naruto choked and Kurama bloviated about that being "incestuous, which would be just like a bunch of Tree-hugging Clan-Obsessed Assholes," but Naruto just shook her head at him and then ruffled his fur. The fox eventually began purring.

"Naruto," Kakashi said, trying to hold the fire and ire inside of him.

"Hmm?"

"Look at me." She turned around to face the very intense man that was now sitting on his desk, with an annoyed poker face of her own. "Since I've fallen for you, I've learned that I'm a very jealous man. Don't test my patience, love. What is your relationship with Sabuku no Gaara?"

"He's... the Kazekage." Seeing Kakashi glare even more set her off. "You don't think I'm a jealous woman, Kakashi? I always have been. You think you can get away with that jealous pack shit because it's expected cuz you're tied to dogs? I've been a jinchuuriki of the FOX since birth; I gestated in a jinchuuriki," she said as her eyes began to bleed red. "I house the chakra of all nine of the bijuu and you are Pissing. Me. Off! You don't think I was JealouS of the way yOU aNd MeI-sAmA were staring at each other?! The fUck's that aBOut, Kakashi?!" Her hair had split into nine sections and was hovering over her head.

"Mood swings, Mutt!" Kurama addressed him. "What the hell were you thinking?!"

Kakashi barely evaded the punch sent his way, then had to turn Naru around and wrestle her over his desk to get her under control.

Tenzo walked in on another round of angry sex again. All three later swore to never mention it.

Gaara and Mei were definitely not topics to be discussed, ever.