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CHAPTER TWENTY - ...MAKES THE WHOLE WORLD PARANOID

Severus glanced once around the room and decided this would be a short meeting. At least he hoped so. There were not many Death Eaters present, although the mix of inner and outer circles was certainly interesting. Many, including himself, were sitting at the Malfoy's overly large dining table. The rest were pressed up against the walls, waiting. The Dark Lord had summoned them but had yet to speak a word. Nagini was coiled up around her master's chair, thankfully unable to level her sharp gaze at Severus. He hated the snake and the way she looked at him, or the way she looked at anyone really.

"My faithful servants, it seems there is dissent among our ranks." Red eyes swept the room. "Fortunately, none here tonight are amongst those who would distract us from our goal. Therefore, I wish to pass on more assignments to you who I trust most, and to hear reports from your activities."

The Dark Lord took reports first, his eyes fixed unwaveringly on each Death Eater as they spoke, until at last they landed on Severus. Without prompting, Severus began his tale.

"The old man grows weaker daily, and he has retreated from most of his duties and is distant. He keeps the boy close."

"And what of your ward?"

"She reports to me weekly. She tells me Potter is increasingly paranoid and fearful, concerned that everyone might be turning against him to our side. His meetings with the old man are weakening the connections between him and his peers. And he is still shattered from the death of his godfather."

"This is excellent news, Severus. It sounds like Harry grows weaker and his closest support is failing. Why is this so powerful?"

The question was rhetorical. Severus knew most of the Death Eaters got lost on the nuances of Harry Potter's life and whatever meaning their leader derived from it. Granted, the whole thing was a bit insane, the pleasure or displeasure the Dark Lord got from such tiny details. After a dissatisfied survey of the room and the vacant faces, the Dark Lord answered himself.

"Hopelessness, my friends. Hopelessness is a powerful weapon. Your ward did well, please… reward her for me."

"Of course, my lord."

"And young Mr Malfoy?"

"He is confident in his task. After a few misguided attempts, he has created a foolproof plan."

"Yes, I have heard as such from my man at Borgin and Burkes, Merner seems pleased. Good."

The Dark Lord was in high spirits this evening if he wasn't asking for any more details. One more Death Eater reported before new assignments were doled out. As the discussion continued, Severus tried to remember Merner. He was younger than Severus and had joined up a year after him. He had never held much favour; it was curious that he would be part of Draco's assignment. Much to Severus' displeasure, the meeting continued for some time before they were dismissed, and Severus didn't bother to loiter and speak with Narcissa as might be considered polite.

Instead, he was into the gardens via a servant's door and out the gates before most of the other members had even exited the manor. Guarded from any onlookers by a large tree, Severus apparated back to Hogwarts grounds. He strode up towards the castle cursing - not for the first time - his inability to apparate straight to his personal quarters or even his office. Surely some kind of exception could have been made for a spy coming and going at all hours. He'd worked himself into a decent temper by the time he burst through the doors of the Defence room and was met with a terrified squeak.

"Merlin's beard, Severus!"

"Hermione."

"Must you enter every room like that?"

"I must." He snapped back. "Come along."

Severus marched up to the front of the classroom and up the narrow stairs to his office, pretending to ignore Hermione's scramble to gather her things she had strewn about one of the desks and follow him. The moment the office doors closed and his wards washed over them, Severus ripped off his cloak and folded into his own chair.

"You were summoned."

"Yes. You needn't have waited."

"I… I wanted to be sure you were alright."

Severus forced his vision to focus on her. It baffled him how every time she was in this office she was completely transformed from the person who sat in his classes. Where there was youth and defiance, turned into maturity and dedication. The girl who sat in his class was a stranger, but this woman was not. But what did that make her? What label was he supposed to put on this thing generated by circumstance and fate that felt wholly natural if not entirely surreal? More swiftly than usual, his anger melted away.

"I am."

"Good."

"How has your occlumency been coming along?"

"I've been using a light stinging hex to test the pain threshold, but I can't tell if I'm just getting used to the stinging or if it's actually helping."

"What of your nightmares?"

"I've actually tried a few of the occlumency techniques you taught me in order to control my thoughts before sleep. I feel more rested."

"That's some improvement. And you've fully weaned off the dreamless sleep now?"

"Yes. I've been recording all my dreams as they've started coming back. They are shifting slightly; there's less fear and running at the beginning and more… Spinner's End."

"And the fire?"

"It's changed but I'm not sure how."

"Did you attend meals today?"

"Erm, yes."

"Good then we shall start right away. I will send a light hex towards you, and I want you to use the occlumency to block the pain."

Hermione nodded and Severus lifted his hand from the desk and waved his fingers at Hermione. A small cut bloomed on the back of her hand just by the base of her thumb. She winced ever so slightly and glared. After a few moments, he closed the cut with another wave of his hand.

"Was that entirely necessary?"

"You said you were using a stinging hex, I thought it necessary to change things. That hex was supposed to mimic a papercut, how did it feel?"

"Nothing like a papercut. Uncomfortable but not quite painful."

"Good. That's progress. I'd like you to be able to use this technique against something much more painful."

"Like the cruciatus?"

"Yes."

Hermione was quiet for a moment, her eyes lingering on the surface of his desk before she looked back up at him. Her expression had changed entirely.

"Thank you for saving my life."

"I didn't -"

"Have a choice, I know. But you went above and beyond, and I am grateful."

Uncomfortable, Severus dipped his head once, hoping she was done with this topic now.

"So, what other hexes have you got for me?"

"You want me to start hexing you after only three weeks of learning?"

"It's plenty. I need to have real practice."

Severus' only response was to start flinging spells at her. He challenged her with stronger spells, rapid fire spells, verbal and nonverbal spells. Some part of him felt something like guilt, but her determination was infectious and when he thought they ought to stop, she would make him hex her one more time. This went on for hours until they were both spent. Severus was down to his button down again and Hermione had shirked her jumper and was leaning back in the chair in a t-shirt.

"That was a challenge."

Despite her exhaustion, Hermione's voice held exhilaration and her eyes were bright. She truly welcomed any trial.

"Clearly not enough of one."

She was practically beaming now, but her features slowly transformed to contemplation.

"So, this is what you use when Vol- when he tortures you."

"Yes."

"Does it still hurt?"

"Sometimes. I'm very good at what I do but the Dark Lord is unpredictable."

"Do you think I'll be able to use this against a cruciatus?"

Severus ignored the painful squeeze in his chest, it didn't mean anything. "With ease. You have done a lot with the time you've had, a little more and you will be ready."

She was watching him with a look he had never seen before. Like she was doing her absolute best to absorb every piece of his appearance. She had closed in on herself in a way he had only seen a few times, but everything else about her seemed to be reaching for him. A push and pull.

"Are you scared?"

He barely heard her whisper. But of course, he wasn't scared. This was his job. This was what his life all added up to, the hopeful final war against Voldemort. This was his purpose. This was why he was the best at everything he did. This was why the memory of Lily still haunted him. This was why he was a gifted occlumens. To prevent fear.

And he was absolutely terrified.

Severus had never had that thought before. He had never considered fear as something that belonged to him or something that he could feel. At least not in almost a decade. Course he'd barely felt anything at all in that time. And this young woman in front of him was pulling apart the tapestry of nothingness he had so meticulously woven. When she asked him out right about his feelings, it pulled apart the curtains he never looked behind. He was starting to get more glimpses than he cared for.

"It would be foolish not to be."

"I'm horrified. And sometimes I don't even know what of."

"War is overwhelming."

"It is."

Severus cast a tempus spell and sighed, brushing a hand over his face. "It is well past curfew. I will escort you back to the dormitory."

In bleary surprise, Hermione snatched up her jumper and pulled it over her head, securing the old book bag over her shoulder. Severus' eyes lingered on it for a moment, feeling a sudden strangeness at this thing that used to be his dangling so naturally at another person's side. And a subsequent strangeness that he had never seen her without it. He spelled his frock coat and teaching robes back on.

"I'm glad I got the afternoon session for apparition lessons tomorrow."

Severus raised an eyebrow as she descended the stairs before him. "You should not have pushed your magical core so strongly tonight."

"I'll be fine with good rest and a good breakfast."

"Good. We cannot have you splinching yourself."

Severus realized a little too late the comment came off more concerned than it did biting, but the following silence as they walked was not uncomfortable. Even if she did happen to splinch herself, Severus had the unfortunate task of being one of the professors tasked with wandering about Hogsmeade making sure all the little fools were safe. A wild thought struck him that he would prioritise her over any of the others and again, something like fear gripped his heart. Severus glanced down at her walking beside him and a sudden desperation grabbed him. It was his own and it wasn't, the familiar havoc of the bond blazed through his chest and carved the same thought over and over again into his ribs: she had to be safe, she had to survive. He hoped painfully that she would never have to use the things he was teaching her even if they were at war.

"Diligrout."

Severus blinked as the portrait of the fat lady swung open, the woman eyeing him haughtily the whole time. It took Severus a second too long to reel his thoughts in and find propriety. With a portrait watching, it wouldn't do to slip up, or in the morning the whole school would know.

"Good night, sir." Hermione looked up at him, the corners of her eyes pinched slightly in amusement.

"Miss Granger." He dipped his head once, waited until the portrait swung shut then sighed.

"I can't believe you held the girl so late! Surely the brightest witch of her age is not so far behind!"

"Fat Lady, my teaching methods are not really your concern. Good night."

Severus strode off before the portrait could retort. He wasn't in the mood to argue with a painting tonight. Not when he had to figure out why in the name of Merlin he had felt the pressure of the bond for the first time since the Department of Mysteries.

"I can't believe we finally get to learn how to do this!"

Of the three of them, Ron appeared the most excited. Harry had perked up a little bit, but he had also tried to voice several times that Malfoy was going to use this opportunity to meet with other Death Eaters and had tried to convince both Ron and Hermione to follow Malfoy with him. When neither agreed he was somewhat dissuaded. Hermione, for what it was worth, was practicing her occlumency, low level stuff to help her focus on her intended destination. If she could clear her mind of all the other noise, she felt confident she would be able to apparate correctly. The lectures had been informative but dull and her few discussions with Severus had been far more enlightening. And just like that, her effort to clear her mind crumbled, her thoughts straying to Severus and Spinner's End and the way it felt like they were this strange pocket of light in an ever-darkening world.

"Hermione!"

"Sorry, what?"

"You're in this group."

"Oh! Thanks, Harry!"

Hermione stepped forward with a group of fourteen other students, each preparing to turn on the spot and vanishing at slightly different moments with varying degrees of popping. It felt like being squeezed, like being toothpaste or perhaps being attacked by a boa constrictor. The sensation lasted long enough to be horribly uncomfortable and for Hermione to decide to try battling the discomfort with occlumency before a whip of crisp winter wind smacked across her body. Opening her eyes, Hermione grinned at the snowy sight of Hogsmeade and the scattered collection of pleased students. Hermione scanned the crowd of professors and students, the former herding the latter towards a different area, and quickly spotted the black mass that was Severus Snape who appeared to irritably be applying a dropper of something onto a boy's bleeding hand. Slowly, Hermione wove her way towards the area where students were disapparating back to the castle.

"Next time it could be a whole limb, Mr Murrey. Do remember the three D's."

Hermione smirked at Severus' bite as she passed him and caught his eye. For a moment, the displeasure on his face seemed to flicker, and then he was back to barking at students. Smiling to herself, Hermione joined the group returning to the castle. This time as she started her turn, she tried to use the skills Severus had taught her to block the discomfort of apparition. To her surprise, it made the sensation worse, and a dull ache started growing up her arm and then she landed in the Great Hall, rather gracelessly, on her hands and knees, panting. The sensation of being entirely flattened slowly left her, but the ache in her arm continued. Determined, Hermione ignored it and joined the queue of students who still felt well enough to try a third time. Between splinchings and nausea, two rounds of apparition had culled the group quickly and in no time flat, Hermione was turning on the spot with four other students. This time she was just going to let the squeeze happen…

Hermione landed on all fours again with a shout. The ache in her arm had turned to pain and she stared wildly at it, as if some kind of secret might reveal itself. Fear pulled at the deepest parts of her, tearing through any safety barrier she had created in her mind. What if it was the curse? What if there really was residual magic left in her and apparating had freed it? The fire was back, crawling up her fingertips and swallowing her hand. Her whole arm was on fire and the heat was scrambling straight for her heart. This was how she was going to die…

"I said LEAVE!"

The roar echoed through the pain, vaguely familiar.

"You need to breathe. It is just a cut, there is no fire. Breathe, Hermione."

Hermione's eyes flew open and found the source of the voice that was so near her, barely above a whisper. She had never in her life seen Severus' face look as it did now. He was always in control, always, but right now his edges were falling apart. There is no fire. Hermione took a deep breath. The pain stayed; the fear edged away. Another breath. The fear slipped further away, taking the ghost of Dolohov's curse with it. She was fine. Or at least she wasn't going to die.

Severus let out a sharp breath through his nose and Hermione took the moment to collect herself. She was in a tangle of snow with her back pressed against a cold stone wall. Severus was crouched next to her, one of his hands pressed firmly on the wall near her head, the other loosely cradled her painful left arm. There were red stains on the pale cuffs peeking past the sleeves of his frock coat, his typically sallow hands were tinged pink. Beneath the dramatic folds of his robe, she could see the snow was disturbed with a mixture of dirt and more blood.

"What happened?"

"You splinched yourself."

"Did I lose a finger too?" Hermione tried to use humour, but she was terrified and embarrassed.

"You've kept all your limbs, but you have quite the slice down your arm. It should heal fine. What happened with the occlumency?"

"What do you mean?"

"You were screaming in the middle of Hogsmeade, and it was worse than the nightmares."

"I was trying to ease off of it on this last go but it must've been too much."

"Why would you need to adjust it?"

"I was trying to use occlumency to ease the discomfort of- What?"

As she had answered, Severus' expression grew grim.

"You should never occlude during apparition, at least not in that way. You must have splinched your second time."

Hermione looked down at her arm and thought about the pain she had ignored because it hadn't been all that bad, at least not while she had been using Severus' occlumency technique.

"That was foolish." She grumbled.

"Ambitious at best. I ought to have mentioned it, but I did not think you would attempt something like that."

"I think we should be more forthcoming with warnings from now on."

"Yes. Can you stand?"

It didn't take much effort and Hermione was quickly on her feet, although quite woozy. She leaned heavily against the cold stone wall and glanced around the alley they were in. It was then that Hermione realized she was several meters from where she had meant to land and knew she truly had messed up. A small group of students loitered around one end of the alley, glancing over occasionally and whispering. Embarrassment flooded her and she looked away, only to find Severus still standing far too close to her, her wounded arm still clutched in his hand.

"Do not try occluding right now." Severus used his free hand to reach into his robes and pulled out a small bundle. Deftly, he opened it and passed her two small vials. "Drink those. I am going to apply dittany to the wound."

Hermione used her free hand to fumble the stoppers out of the vials and swallow the contents with a grimace. Severus was gripping one end of the bundle between his teeth, displaying an array of vials, droppers, needles, and other tools. Hermione realized it was a first aid kit, and his personal one at that. The leather was worn and held its shape around the curves and edges of the contents. It looked nothing like the cheap black bag he had been using earlier on the boy who had lost his finger. Severus split the sleeve of his jumper with a spell, only releasing her wrist long enough to let the cloth fall away and then his vice grip was back. He pulled a dropper from one of the vials and dribbled the brownish liquid sparingly on the rather grotesque slice down the full length of her arm. Dark green smoke hissed from the wound and when it cleared, her flesh looked almost healed.

"Everything I have given you is in very concentrated doses, you might not feel well this evening, but you must eat."

"I will."

"Come, let us go back to the castle."

"What about the rest of the students?"

"Chaperones are taking everyone back now."

Hermione wrapped her arms around herself and followed him out of the alley. The main street was clearing of professors and students alike, and to Hermione's relief no one was near them. She was going to have to deal with the fallout of this, the gossip about her screaming in the street would surely spread. Although this year student accidents seemed particularly high, maybe no one would care. She glanced up at the man walking next to her. He had been genuinely concerned. Terrified even, if she had to hazard a guess. Except that didn't make sense. There was something different between them, obviously, but his concern for her seemed to have limits and boundaries erected at all times. But the look on his face had unsettled that thought in her mind.

And what would the students think of him coming to her aid? Surely the gossip already spread by Lavender and the other girls would grow because of this. She only hoped that some of the students could see reason. Perhaps Severus had been the closest chaperone to her, or the most qualified to handle splinching, or maybe he was the only one not horrified by her screams. Or maybe he was the only one who could get her to stop because he was the only one who knew why she screamed.

The pair walked back up to the castle in silence, trailing a good distance behind everyone else, each of them lost in their own head.

Severus kept an eye on Hermione the whole following week. It was perhaps a bit much, but he couldn't rid himself of the uneasy feeling in his gut that had started the moment he had heard her scream in the alley and hadn't stopped. He made sure to seek her out at meals and found himself checking her plate as she left, he kept an eye on her in the hallways when he could, and observed her in class. He kept their two weekly meetings simple and quiet, urging Hermione to practice meditation instead of occlumency. There seemed nothing wrong with her other than the new cloud of shame that followed her around. And yet. Severus couldn't shake the feeling that something bad was happening to her, was going to happen to her, and knowing that he had felt the pull the night he walked her back to the dorms didn't ease his mind.

That was how he came to be agitatedly pacing the streets of Hogsmeade the following weekend, tuned into everything around him, on high alert for Hermione's appearance. They had had a brief disagreement last night when he had demanded she reconsider practicing apparition this weekend. Not dissuaded by her mistakes of the previous weekend, Hermione was determined to try again, and Severus could do nothing but make sure he was there if something went wrong.

Half of his mind was buried in the dark spiral of his thoughts and musings when he caught sight of her appearing across the street, just outside Honeyduke's. She sought him out immediately, smiled, and motioned at her person as if to say she was fine. His eyes tracked her as she walked down the street towards the disapparation point. Halfway there her goons joined her, and Severus frowned slightly as they started bickering. It was obvious they didn't want anyone to hear what they were saying, but it appeared difficult for Hermione and Potter to keep their voices low. They continued arguing until Potter disapparated and Severus watched as she said something to the Weasley boy then vanished. With a deep breath, Severus resumed his pacing and was paused only twice the rest of the day, once by a nauseous student and again by one who splinched and received a gnarled cut on their neck.

After two more rounds of students, Severus realised that Hermione had never come back to Hogsmeade and that rock in his stomach he had done so well to avoid, was now unavoidable. Something was wrong, he knew it. It was even more evident as a few patronuses appeared and professors started herding students aggressively toward the path to the castle. Severus almost stepped in the cat patronus that wove around his legs.

"A student has gone missing. Return to the castle immediately."

Hermione.

Severus was barely able to control himself long enough to help get students up to the castle without completely snapping someone's head off. Luckily for him, the sense of urgency had spread, and people weren't trying to loiter. Severus didn't stick around to find out what the plan was for the crowd of sixth years that were gathering in the Great Hall. Instead, he made his way directly to the staff room where other professors were starting to gather. Forcing himself to remain calm, Severus listened in on the conversations around him.

"We've lost students during apparition practical plenty of times"

"Yes, they always turn up."

"Vanishing always ends better than splinching."

"Remember that boy who was found in London?"

"Who was it this time?"

"Do you think it was on purpose?"

The whispers felt like a grating pain against his brain and Severus was saved from snapping at them all as Albus strode into the room, quickly followed by Minerva.

"As I am sure you're all aware, a student has gone missing today."

"It's happened before."

"It has, Rothmore, but I'm afraid things are a bit different this time."

"How so, Albus?"

"With war so close upon us, we have every right to be more cautious. Especially considering Miss Granger has been kidnapped before."

Severus felt his blood run cold.

"Do you think she was taken?"

"It remains to be seen; however, Miss Granger did not return from her first trip to Hogsmeade today. Did anyone see her during this time?"

There was an aching echo of silence.

"I did." All heads turned towards Severus. "She arrived intact, argued with her friends, and appeared to apparate back to the castle with one of the groups."

"Did you see her after this, Severus?"

"No."

"I will make arrangements with the ministry to track her magical signature, if necessary, in the meantime I would like everyone to be on the lookout. I have a search team already looking in the forest and surrounding area, Minerva will take a group into nearby towns."

Severus knew there was not much more that could be done without any evidence that something bad had happened, but it wasn't enough. Severus left the staff lounge first, the door bursting open with force. He was going to do his own search. For a brief moment, he wished for the pull back so it might tell him where she was.

Hermione groaned and forced her eyes open. Her head was pounding, and her wrists hurt. When she moved to rub at her face, shackles clanged from her arms. Startled, she glanced around. There was nothing to give away where she was or what happened, all she knew was that she was in an attic, chained to the floor, and a man was watching her from the far corner.

"Well, hello princess."