Imperial Holonet Studio
Imperial City
Imperial Center
6 months later
"Ladies and Gentlebeings across the galaxy," Relinka Spetzv said, tossing her mane of pink hair dramatically, "welcome to the show. We have two very special guests today; indeed, except for their father, Lord Vader, they are the two most important individuals in the entire galaxy. It is my honor and pleasure to welcome Prince Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia Organa!"
The holocameraman panned over to the children of Darth Vader, who were seated side by side on a comfortable brown krayt leather couch. Relinka huffed out an admiring breath; they were a very attractive pair, the twins – Skywalker, with his blue eyes, dark blond hair, and boyishly handsome face, Organa, with her regal bearing, dark hair piled high, and beautiful countenance. The only thing detracting from what was undoubtedly a most remarkable picture was the prince's clothing, which was a boring black, though at least his outfit was a good foil to that of his sister, who was dressed in an elegant white gown, appropriate for the heiress of Alderaan.
"Welcome, Prince Luke, Princess Leia," Relinka cooed.
"Thank you, Relinka," Leia Organa replied with stately calm, while Skywalker merely nodded.
"Well, I know your time is precious, so I will address the immediate question on the minds and lips of most sentients in the galaxy. It has been six months since the former Emperor Palpatine tragically died in his sleep..."
"Nothing tragic about it," Skywalker proclaimed. "The man was a completely evil jerk and if I could have, I would have stuck a dagger through his jugular and watched him bleed out."
Relinka, not surprisingly, did not know quite how to respond to this statement, and was relieved when the princess chimed in quickly. "Not that we did, of course; at the time of Palpatine's death, every member of our family was very much elsewhere. But it is true that as Rebels, we more or less threw a party when the Emperor breathed his last."
"Well," Relinka continued, pasting on a serious expression, "be that as it may, there is much curiosity, of course, about the next step for the Empire. Specifically, when will Lord Vader take the throne?"
The twins exchanged glances and Skywalker slumped forlornly. "He won't be taking the throne," the youth explained wearily. "I will."
Relinka blinked at the prince in bewilderment. "I am sorry, your Highness; you are saying that you will become Emperor?"
"Yes," Skywalker responded in what was almost, but not quite, a whiny tone. "Not that I like it, of course, but I accept that I'm the best person for the job, so yes, I will be crowned Emperor in about three weeks, as fun as that is."
"I apologize for my confusion, your Highnesses," Relinka said carefully, "but in an interview on the show Illumination some months ago, Lord Vader indicated that Princess Leia would ascend the throne as Empress."
"Yeah, but that won't work," Skywalker explained patiently, "because Leia really likes this political insanity and I don't. I mean, there would be a major difficulty if she was Empress and sitting on thrones, and opening shopping malls, while simultaneously working behind the scenes to get democracy back in place..."
"Democracy?" Spetzv demanded in a horrified tone.
"Of course, democracy," Leia Organa repeated imperiously. "In general, monarchies stink."
"But you were..., I do apologize, you Highness, for bringing up painful memories, but were yourself were the heiress to the throne of Alderaan."
"I was, of course," the girl replied, her face grave, "but Alderaan was a democracy with a monarchy, and my mother, Queen Breha, had very limited powers. In our view, Palpatine was a horrifically awful ruler, but even if he had been good, absolute monarchies eventually fail because at some point, the successor is either a total slimeball, or completely incompetent, or both."
Relinka could feel her head spinning at these seditious words, but then could anything Leia Organa said be considered seditious? She was part of the royal family, after all! More to the point, she was Darth Vader's daughter, and definitely not the sort of person to safely contradict.
"In that case, may I inquire, on behalf of all those watching, why Lord Vader is passing the throne on to you, Prince Luke, instead of becoming Emperor himself?
"That's simple enough. I'm much nicer than he is."
"Nicer?" Relinka repeated blankly.
"Much, much, much nicer," the youth continued, smiling cheerily. "Father has improved the last few months, but the man has anger management issues and a deep and abiding hatred for boring meetings. On board a military vessel, the hierarchy is very well established and there is an awful lot of "yes, my lord" and "as you wish, my lord." I mean, meetings with civilians tend to be long and drawn out and stretch into near eternity. I expect to be horribly bored much of the time, but at least I won't strangle anyone."
"Strangle...," Relinka repeated nervously.
"Yeah, unfortunately Vader does strangle people when he is feeling crabby, though we are trying to break him of that bad habit, but trust me, you want me sitting in a dull meeting, not him, especially if you have something unpopular to say."
"I am sure we all do," Spetzv agreed with a nervous laugh. "Well, may I ask the date of your coronation, Prince Luke?"
Luke sighed deeply and nodded, "Three weeks from now, two days after Empire Day, which is actually our life day."
"Oh, how delightful! Now, I know our viewers will with to know, what will you be wearing?"
The young man, who was short and handsome and actually looked quite sweet, looked down at his own clothes with a puzzled frown. "Oh, something like this, I guess."
Relinka allowed herself a spurt of laughter at this absurd statement. "Oh, your Highness, you are so amusing."
There was an awkward pause while Luke Skywalker stared at her in bewilderment.
"I am afraid my brother is serious," Leia Organa explained patiently.
Skywalker turned to his twin in confused indignation. "What's wrong with what I'm wearing, Leia?"
"It's boring and not at all regal."
"Black isn't boring! Father wears black all the time!"
"Yes, my dear brother, Lord Vader always wears black, but there are two obvious issues with that. First, he doesn't need to, and indeed I think a little wardrobe change on his part would be a wise thing given that we are transforming the Empire. I'm thinking blue or green or even tan would be a far better look, at least for that flowing cape of his."
Skywalker shuddered noticeably. "Not tan. The whole thing is kind of insane, I think, but please don't even mention tan to him."
"Why not?"
"Sand is tan."
Organa rolled her eyes. "Ok, yes, I acknowledge that tan doesn't work."
"What is wrong with sand?" Relinka asked timidly.
"It's coarse," the twins recited together, "and rough, and irritating, and it gets everywhere."
"Ok," their hostess said meekly.
"Father and I each grew up on Tatooine," the prince, shortly to be the Emperor, of the galaxy explained, "and we both hate hate hate sand."
"Ok."
"The second problem," Organa continued, picking up the thread of her argument, "is that Vader is a two meter tall heavy breathing cyborg, and he looks regal and intimidating regardless of color, though black makes it worse. You just look kind of dull in that outfit."
"I like black!"
"I don't know why you like black; it absorbs the suns' rays. You must have been boiling on Tatooine when we took out Jabba the Hutt."
"Yeah, I was, kind of," Skywalker admitted, "but I was busy killing rancors and minions, so I wasn't really paying attention. Hey, I didn't think about that – your outfit was actually kind of reasonable given the climate."
Organa blushed a little. "It was revolting, and you know it, but yes, at least it kept me reasonably cool."
"Anyway," Skywalker returned, with a galaxy weary sigh, "what do you suggest I wear to the coronation?"
"I am so glad you asked," Leia responded with what was clearly a dangerous smile, and waved a hand toward the back door of the studio. It flew open obediently and a man marched in with a red-haired woman walking behind him, and Relinka Spetzv took a deep, shocked, adoring breath.
"Ransome Quiltratz!" she shrieked in awed happiness. Of course she knew ahead of time that he would appear on the show, but theatrics were a requirement of the job.
Leia Organa rose to her feet and walked over to the galaxy's most famous fashion designer, who bowed formally and then straightened to his full height, his gleaming straight teeth twinkling in the studio lights.
"Your Royal Highness," the man breathed, "you are even more breathtakingly beautiful in person than in pictures."
"Thank you," Organa replied coolly, and turned to Relinka. "I took the liberty of inviting Ransome to the show today so we could talk about my brother's coronation outfit. I hope you don't mind."
Relinka took a deep breath to keep from drooling like an aak dog. She was a professional after all. "Of course not, your Highness. Designer Quiltratz, it is a very great honor to have you on the show. You are my absolutely favorite designer in the whole galaxy!"
"Thank you, Relinka," Quiltratz returned. The man was not especially tall, but his sleek black hair shimmered in the studio lights, and his purple robe and accompanying train were a poem of beauty and sophistication. "It is a pleasure to be here. I must say that your dress, which I recognize as my own Design 356A, does you credit."
Relinka blushed openly. "It is my favorite dress, Ransome."
Leia Organa spoke firmly, obviously desirous of ending this love fest and getting on with business. "As you know, Designer, our mother was Queen Padme Amidala of Naboo, and I was hoping that perhaps you could incorporate some aspects of Nubian culture into my brother's outfit."
The designer turned toward the hapless Luke Skywalker and smiled with ardent enthusiasm. "Yes, yes, of course! I can quite imagine..."
He took one step to the side, then danced to the left, then took a step forward, then returned to his original spot. "Yes, Princess Leia, I can definitely work with this. It is a pity your brother is so short."
Skywalker bounced indignantly to his feet. "I'm almost as tall as you are, and way taller than Leia."
"But your brother is quite good looking and that dark blond hair and blue eyes – yes, I can come up with something appropriate," Ransome continued, ignoring the prince's indignation. "Malia, get the prince's measurement."
"Yes, Designer," the redhead said obediently, pulling out her measuring instrument and stepping close to Luke.
"Seriously?" Luke asked irritably through the Force.
"Shut up, Skywalker. I'm undercover."
"We are talking through the Force so no one is going to hear us, you know."
"Yeah, I know. Just make sure you don't say anything out loud. I'm supposed to take measurements from some adoring Quiltratz fan tomorrow morning, and her father is neck deep in some nasty slave trading operation."
"Can you come hang out at the palace when you are finished with the mission?"
Mara Jade took a break from her measuring to look into Skywalker's adoring blue eyes and sighed softly. "Yes, I'll come by."
"Thank you, Mara."
Author Note: Ok, just an epilogue and this story will be done!