Chapter 79 Chapter Notes

Edward tells Emmett about his first sexual experiences.

The chapter title belongs to Rare Earth

Chapter 79 Hey Big Brother Christmas Eve late

Bella wakes after about an hour. I expected this, as her stomach has started to growl. Really, I have to pay better attention to this.

She rubs sleep out of her eyes and says, "I'm hungry."

I chuckle as she playfully frowns and heads into the shower. I don't get in, as I'm afraid my body will yearn toward hers. I tell her that I'll make her something to eat and I'm silently praying that she doesn't choose foods made with burnt cheese and tomatoes. My hopes for bologna or peanut butter are dashed when she orders tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich.

"Can you manage that?" she asks, a smile in her voice.

"Of course," I scoff, turning my face away to grimace. I've seen her fix these foods before, and it's not lobster thermidor, for goodness sakes, so I go into the kitchen and assemble the ingredients.

I stare at the cheese, butter, bread, milk and soup can for a moment. Taking a deep breath that I plan on holding for the duration, I pull up a video of the process and prepare her meal, pour her a glass of milk, and place it on the table. When she comes downstairs, I wipe the expression of revulsion off of my face and present it to her with a smile.

As she eats, Bella says, "You said you could smell my desire and also what I'd done for the past week. Can you explain that?"

Well, not really, I think. But I'll try. "You know that we have heightened senses, right?" She nods. "I mean, they're really heightened. I can tell where you've been by the scents that linger on your clothing and in your hair."

She blinks. "The market smells like food, the pharmacy, like medicine. The gas station, well, that's obvious. It all forms layers that we can prize apart to form a narrative. When I first became interested in you, I'd sit and reconstruct your movements. One time in class, I was so wrapped up in it that I didn't hear the teacher ask me a question. Twice. I was with you. Metaphorically."

She gestures as she takes a bite of sandwich. And this is difficult for me, because I have to breathe if I'm going to talk. Sigh.

"Okay. We live together now, so I know where you've been, but back then, if it was sunny, I couldn't follow you. For example, one day, you left school and went straight to the market. Then filled your tank with gas. Stopped at the bank, bought a few things at the drugstore, then stopped at the Lodge for some take out. On the way back to the truck, you stepped in some Big Red chewing gum. A guy passed you, smoking a cigarette. When Charlie came home, he'd been in the woods all day. And I could tell that he'd eaten a club sandwich for lunch.

I can't keep the grimace off my face, and her expression is tender. "Does this upset you, thinking about it?" she asks.

With a bit of a laugh that is unwise, because it uses oxygen, I shake my head. Just burnt cheese and tomatoes. But I keep that to myself. Some of Bella's favorite foods include burnt cheese and tomatoes.

She says, "So you could smell what Charlie ate for lunch, based on the smells that had clung to him, and then had transferred to me?"

I nod slowly. "I can tell the order of what you've done, based on how pungent each smell is." I grin at her. "You have no secrets from me. If you tell me a lie, naughty Bella, I might have to punish you."

Predictably, the scent of her desire floods the kitchen. Naughty Bella. Damn, that might be really fun.

I tell her I'll wash up the few dishes, and she goes to bed as soon as she's finished eating. As I tuck her in, say, "So, Mrs. Cullen, will you sleep well tonight? Since you've been thoroughly bedded?" Since you've been thoroughly fucked?

She looks up at me through a fringe of dark lashes. "Yeah, I will. And thank you. That was the single most thrilling experience I've everhad."

This surprises me. "You never have to thank me for that." I grin, happy that I pleased her.

"Before you go, I have a question about that fantasy where you drink my blood during your climax. You still have it?" I love that Bella can just come out and ask these things, with no hesitation or embarrassment.

"I didn't want to freak you out with that one," I say. "That was early, back when we were juniors. I hadn't known you for long. It was prevalent when we first started talking to each other, but by the time Alice revealed that I was in love with you, it felt wrong."

"So, again, you haven't really answered the question."

I take a deep breath that will absolutely not help me. "Um, sometimes. I won't lie about it." Her forehead creases in worry. "Bella, I would never do that. It's just vampire make-believe. I've told you how sexuality and feeding are interwoven with us. In my fantasy, you're not my wife, not the love of my life. Not even someone I know. You're just a girl who fucks me, who has the best smelling and tasting blood I've ever come across. Does that make sense?"

Bella nods slowly, although it's clear that she's been thinking hard about this. "It does. And I asked you to reveal it. I know that you didn't want to. So…let's not worry about it."

I caress her beautiful face. A face I'm absolutely never going to disappoint again. "All I want to do is to scare you within the context of whatever fantasy you're working through. And it's not real fear, right? Because if it is, then I'm doing it wrong. I just want to kinda stalk you in the dark, make you anticipate what's coming."

She looks up at me through her lashes. I want to see perfect trust—something I will never compromise again—but her forehead is creased in worry. I'm suddenly distraught. "Oh no," I say. I stand up and run my hands through my hair. "Did I really scare you tonight?" Now I'm concerned that I've traumatized her somehow. How thoughtless! Whatever is wrong with me?

"Yeah, well, no, not really scared. I mean, I wasn't afraid that you'd hurt me, but being in the dark when you grabbed me, and bending me over the table…god, Edward, that was just amazing." She frowns up at me. "You know, that thong was brand new. I bought it just for our first time."

I sigh with relief. She wasn't really scared. Just apprehensive. That's okay. "Well, if it was meant to turn me on, I think we can count it as money well spent. Go out and buy another one. Or a few more. Or a hundred more. I don't think that taking off your thong with my tongue and teeth will ever get old."

"No," she says seriously. "No." she licks her lips and gets an almost pained look on her face. "Thank you for being gentle with me the first time, but also for being drop-dead sexy. I know you've never done that either, but it didn't feel like it. It felt like you knew exactly what to do."

"Thank you." I lick my lips and regard her for a moment. We were both virgins, but I'd had the benefit of decades of research and trespass into others' minds. But it's a relief to know that I pleased her. I almost feel warmth, spreading through my body.

But it takes me a moment to recover from the words 'drop-dead'. I want to counsel her against using those words, but decide against it. I turn my mind away from 'drop-dead' to just a couple of weeks ago, when Bella and I got to know each other sexually. How much fun it was to wait for the end of the school day, making sure my shirt was untucked so the bulge in my jeans didn't show. Parking the Volvo and watching Bella race into the house, throw down her stuff and bolt upstairs, peeling off clothing at every step.

Slowly walking up, retrieving bra and panties and jeans on my way, finding her eager and waiting, bouncing on her knees on our bed.

"What are you doing?"

"Hmm?"

"I said, what are you doing tonight?"

"Not sure, but I'll be back before you wake up. Probably go to the house, maybe hunt. It's fun in the snow. I'll have my phone if you need me, though." I sit with her for approximately six minutes before she falls into a deep sleep.

I wash the dishes; I think about what Bella and I did tonight; I ponder what we might do tomorrow night. Naughty Bella. Damn. I go upstairs, and finding her still sleeping soundly, exit by the front door and run to my family's house.

On the way I plan naughty Bella. Slowly undressing her, turning her over my knee to 'spank' her, but after caressing her fine ass, spreading her legs, and thrilling her with my fingers. She's already told me how turned on she gets from any type of penetration when she's bent over. My mind goes into overdrive as I plan this. The look on her face as I pull her over my lap, the way she'll writhe around, rubbing my cock up against my jeans.

The noises that she'll make.

Finally, when neither of us can take another second of teasing, laying on the rug, urging her to get on top and fuck me.

I'm glad that we don't have any really close neighbors, as both of us have been pretty vocal as we've enjoyed sex with each other.

I put the rest of my plans on hold as I reach the house, where I find everyone except Carlisle at home. Esme gives me a hug and says he's at the reservation, working a midnight shift at their clinic, which he does four nights a week. Apparently, things are going well over there.

Alice is still in her trance, or whatever it is, and the others are engaged in their usual pastimes. Emmett is reading a book about, of all things, cultivating roses, but agrees to hunt with me. Once we're across the river and out of earshot of the family, he nudges me. "You and Bella are married now. When are you finally gonna vaccinate her?"

I shake my head and chuckle. When I stop trotting up the path, he does as well, and it must be the silly look on my face that tells him the answer.

"You did it? Really?"

I nod. "Well, how was it? Better than your hand, for sure." He gives a big laugh.

And I can't keep it to myself. "First, you have to promise me that you won't divulge what I'm about to tell you to anyone else. And you certainly won't say anything to Bella about it."

"Yeah, yeah. I promise. Tell me. What happened?"

"Alice gave me some advice, months ago. You know, get to know each other separately before together." I omit the 'rigid tube' analogy, thinking that would have Emmett rolling on the ground.

"So you and she…in the same room? Like, you watched each other?" He does the jerk off motion with his hand. I nod with a smile.

Emmett thinks about sex a lot, but his eyes glaze over as he imagines a virginal Rosalie, masturbating while he watches, him standing before her, doing the same.

"That sounds like fun." His voice is wistful. He's thinking of their physical relationship. It's very intense, but not really fun.

"It was unbelievable. When we finally progressed to touching each other, she gave me a hand job and leaned over and licked the head of my cock! I nearly fell off the bed!"

He just stands and stares at me, lips parted in longing as he imagines Rosalie doing the same to him. "She…" he nods his head slowly.

"Licked it. Yeah. And kissed it."

He blinks. "What next?"

"Em, the next day I stood at the bedside, and she crawled up and…and…" He gestures impatiently with his hand. "She unbuttoned my jeans and gave me a blowjob."

His eyes fly open. "No way. She gave you a blowjob? Jesus. Was her mouth, like, blazing hot?"

"It was. Blazing hot." I look around, shaking my head at the memory of Bella taking as much of my length as would fit into her mouth. "Em, she sucked it, and then licked it like a lollypop. It was the most amazing thing."

He jabs me playfully with an elbow. "So now you can't judge me for how much I think about that particular sexual experience. And I'm not even thinking of getting sucked off by a human." He's picturing Rosalie, doing him off in all kinds of positions. I nudge him and he slaps his head with both hands. "Sorry, but you're killing me! So, was it really difficult? Trouble with the venom?"

"Did Carlisle tell you what happened a few days ago?"

He shakes his head. I lick my lips. "After the blowjob, I lost it. Couldn't get my muscles to uncoil. I felt my body bowing into a crouch and I yelled at her to leave. It was terrifying."

"Damn." It's said seriously, with no hint of sarcasm or humor. "What happened? Was she mad at you?"

"She insisted that we speak to Carlisle about it, and he told us to go slow and keep the window open."

"You had to tell Carlisle that she sucked you off and you lost control?" He's trying not to smile, but his voice gives him away. "I mean, what did you tell him?"

I sigh. "I told him about her tongue." I shake my head. "Her tongue. My god." My voice sounds somewhat aggrieved, but I'm smiling, too. "It's funny, but after that, my thirst felt in control."

"What else," he presses. "Tell me more."

"Well, tonight she got naked and ran from me. I had to chase her all over the dark house. When I finally 'caught up' with her in the kitchen, we ended up doing it for the first time with her sitting on the kitchen counter."

"The kitchen counter." Not a question.

"Yeah. I lifted her up there and…it's the perfect height," I explain.

Emmett tips his head back and shakes his head. "So was the venom a problem, the first time you did her?"

"Well, it's always there. But it wasn't unmanageable, probably because the window was wide open.

Emmett ruffles snow out of his hair and says, "I've never known a vamp with better control. If anyone could keep Bella safe, it's you, Edward."

I thank him, but don't go into more detail. I had to tell somebody, and Emmett is my best friend, other than Bella. I'm sure she would relate part of her sexual experience if she had a girlfriend. Who knows? Maybe she'll tell Alice, if she ever wakes up.

Emmett and I each take down a few deer, and the whole time he's thinking of a virginal Rosalie, and in his mind I see all kinds of games they're going to be playing. Back at the house I go up to see my sleeping sister, but she's still in the same position. I talk to her for a while, but then kiss her cheek and go back downstairs. I tell my family I have to go home, and in minutes I'm in the shower, reliving my experiences with Bella.

And wishing I could sleep.

Christmas Day Bella POV

I wake before daylight and hear the light clatter of DVDs and CDs being arranged on shelves in the media room. I guess Edward didn't bother to turn on the light, since he can see like a cat in the dark.

"Edward?" I call. He doesn't answer. After I'm done in the bathroom, I flip off the light and walk naked back to our bedroom for some clothes when a figure emerges out of the dark corner. He creeps toward me, and even though I know it's Edward, I'm subtly afraid.

I mean, it has to be Edward, right?

I instinctually walk backward, thinking that I'll make a run for it, but before I can turn, he swoops by me. I hear the door shut with a soft click. I spin around and he's there, leaning against the door, and he begins to stalk me again.

Now I'm scared, so of course my heart is beating double time, which I know he can hear. He said he could hear my heart beating a block away, so it must be thumping like a bass drum, here in this small, enclosed space.

I don't have many options.

Hell. I don't have any options. The room is dark, so I'm stumbling around, but he can see perfectly. Can he see the look of terror on my face? Should I tell him to stop playing this game?

Is this a game? Last night, after he'd deposited me on the counter and slid his fingers up inside me, he'd gotten that wide-eyed look that had worried me. After a few minutes, his face had relaxed and we'd gotten into the real sex. Then my brain hadn't had room for anything else.

But now? Is this a repeat of a few nights ago, when he'd crouched at the bedroom window and yelled at me to run?

He's backed me into the far corner of the bedroom, near the window. And it's weird, but the filtered light from the moon shining in through the arch makes him almost appear to glow. It's like he's glimmering with an inner light. When he looks at me, his eyes are wide and his teeth are bared in a deadly smile.

In one blinding second, I'm spun around to face the corner. A knee nudges my legs apart and cold hands begin to crawl over my body. They brush down my arms and then back up to my breasts, which he fondles gently. My nipples harden as icy fingers caress them. His tongue meanders down my spine, all the way to the cleft of my ass. His fingers dip in the crack and slide forward to my pussy.

I'm afraid that I'm about to hyperventilate or have a heart attack or something. He doesn't say a word, but continues rubbing with that one, insistent finger, over my clit, back to the moisture of my pussy, back and forth with an even pressure. When my legs begin to tremble, a whimper escapes my lips, as I'm equally turned on and scared to death. The orgasm that sweeps over me feels like a fucking tidal wave. It rushes onto the shore, leveling buildings and homes in its fury, then finally recedes harmlessly into the sea.

I sag after I come, exhausted from the experience, the fear, the hour. It's still dark outside, so I estimate I've had about three hours of sleep. But I guess we're not through here yet, as he presses his cold body to mine and I feel his cock, bulging in his jeans.

I feel the breeze of his passage as he disappears from behind me. He's opened the bedroom door and in one second has lifted me into his arms and is rushing me to the media room. Gently, I'm placed on the squashy couch and then we're kissing in the dark, but these don't feel like the usual kisses. They're desperate. His cold hands hold my face as I twine my fingers up through his hair. Then the hands are everywhere: Caressing my breasts, stroking my thighs, fondling my ass, but because I can't see, every move startles me, causing my anxiety and apprehension to soar.

This is a variation of what we did last night, which is now one of my favorite things to do. I can't imagine this will ever get old. His hand dips down between my legs and fingers thrust up inside me. Just as I lean back to enjoy the experience, they're abruptly removed, and I'm hauled to my feet. I feel Edward behind me, subtly urging my body backward. I take a few steps until I fetch up against the computer desk.

Without saying a word, he moves my hair aside and places his mouth on my neck, just under my ear. Blood must be surging through the artery there, the way my heart is pounding in my chest. His frigid breath causes me to shiver and I hear a plaintive moan escape my lips.

"Not a scary vampire? I'll show you scary vampire, sweet Bella." His voice is low, menacing. Deathly calm. I'd told him about my fantasy last night, and he'd whispered, 'I fuck you in the dark, bent over your desk. Is that it?' Oh, my god. He begins to lick the artery in my neck. Despite the fact that his body is freezing cold and his tongue feels like a fucking ice cube, sliding up and down my neck, a sweat breaks out on my brow and in the small of my back.

Firm hands turn me around and bend me over the desk until I'm lying across it, just like I was last night over the kitchen table. And he's right behind me. He pops the buttons of his jeans and I hear them fall to the floor. A knee nudges my legs apart and I feel him position his cock to fuck me.

I jump when I hear his soft voice whisper in my ear, "Bella, is this what you want?"

I nod frantically, warmed by the idea that Edward is giving me my fantasy, but absolutely won't do anything to force or coerce me. My choice. Always my choice.

That must be all that he needs, because the wide head of his cock slowly presses up into me. The disembodied voice says, "I'm going to fuck you, Bella. Hard and fast." And I lose control.

His hands grip my hips as he thrusts and I slam back into him, taking all of his length. "Jesus," he mutters. I feel his body tense as he's about to come, and when he goes, he makes the most desperate noises I've ever heard. I don't know if it's pleasure, or maybe the effort it takes not to hurt me, or a mixture of both, but it's spectacular.

He stands there, just for a moment, and then pulls out. I rise and turn around, finally able to get a glimpse of his beautiful face, as the sun is just coming up. Filtered light creeps into the room from the edges of the blinds and through the arch above the window.

I've never felt so feral. "Do you feel properly fucked?" he asks, with staring eyes.

"I feel properly fucked," I say, still trying to catch my breath. "And I'll never again say that you aren't a scary vampire."

He grins and his face relaxes into his usual good-humored expression. "Just a little respect is all I'm asking for," he says playfully. His gaze turns serious as he says, "How is your girl part reacting to all this sex, all of a sudden?"

I smile. My girl part. "Um, Let's give it a few hours of down time."

We lay of the sofa, face to face, and just look at each other. "I don't know exactly what I was anticipating," I murmur, as I trace the outlines of his lips, "but it wasn't this."

"Could you explain, please?" he looks worried, as if he'd done something I hadn't liked, or it hadn't been up to my expectation.

"You've always been so cautious around me," I say. "I wasn't sure that you'd pour your body and soul into sex with me as a human. But you have." I shiver. "And naughty Bella? Where did that come from?"

"Oh, my siblings play a similar game." I screw my face up as I think about this. It's not like any of them can be 'disciplined'.

Edward laughs. "This is confidential, what I'm about to tell you." I nod. "With them, it's more of a chasing game. Rosalie will run from Emmett, for example. Because they're equally fast, it can be hours before it's resolved."

"What happens when she's caught, finally?"

"What do you think happens?" He looks up at me through his fringe of butterscotch lashes. I raise my brow and he nods. "Yeah, he fucks her. We could play a variation of that game, I think."

This may be on the edge of improper, but I ask anyway. "What else have you seen your siblings do, sexwise? Or even heard in their minds? Other than the regular stuff."

Edward pauses, probably thinking that I'm this innocent little human. Like a day hasn't gone by since I laid eyes on him that I haven't fantasized about him fucking me in every possible position. Everything I'd seen in those porn movies I'd watched with my friend in high school. And variations thereof.

Finally, he says, "The members of my family, like just about every other human I've ever been near, think about sex. A lot. Carlisle and Esme have work to occupy them, but my siblings…it's a constant, ongoing thing. They have all kinds of sex, Bella. All kinds. Now, some of it is impossible while you're still human, but one particular position has always appealed to me."

Briefly I wonder what is impossible. Oral, for sure, as Edward is afraid a drop of venom could drip onto me down there. Anal? I guess that would be too dangerous, too. But with the size of his cock, even if he were human, I can't imagine it would be too comfortable. But after I'm changed…

I gesture to him to continue. "Alice and Jasper play a game in the woods. She runs from him and he stalks her. Because he's as fast as she is, but she can see his upcoming moves, it's thrilling for both of them. It can last hours. When he catches her, he throws her to the ground, on her hands and knees, and kneels behind her."

"So you've seen this in their minds?"

Edward takes a deep breath. "Once, I was in my tree when they began their game. I'm sure they knew that I was there. It isn't like I was hiding, and I can't mask my scent from them, but with all the running around they'd done, I guess when Jasper finally caught her, neither of them were thinking about me. And I was right there when he did her. Right above them."

"Wow. So, what happened?"

"Well, he pushed her up against a tree and there was lots of kissing and groping while he told her what he was going to do to her. Then there were clothes everywhere." My mouth drops open. "Yeah," he says with a frown. "Naked sister, in the flesh. I couldn't move. I just watched."

"So why didn't she see that you would be there?"

"Well, she can only see if she looks. I guess, in those circumstances, it was the last thing she was thinking about. Jasper threw her to the ground and she landed in the ferns, on her hands and knees. She could have bounced right back up, but this was apparently part of the game, because she waited for him. He kneeled behind her and fuckedher like that. Doggie style, it's called."

"Doggie style," I repeat, a little breathlessly, wondering if he took her up the ass. Edward hasn't said anything about anal sex, but doggie style would be the perfect position for that. The couples in those porn movies I'd watched with Tammy had used that position. I don't know how to segue into a conversation about anal sex, and decide to wait until I'm changed. But…it would be fun to hear about it from his perspective. Hear what he has to say about it from the acts he's seen in people's and his family's thoughts.

Hear what his Victorian mind thinks about it.

"Bella," he teases, "that turns you on, doesn't it?" He kisses me, carefully nibbling on my lower lip. I feel like I'm about to spin off into outer space, as if I've become untethered to the human world, afloat in a sea of otherworldly sensation.

He carries me into the bedroom and lays me on our bed. When he covers me with his cool body, I open up to him, feeling an equal mixture of love and lust, power and submission, need and fulfillment. After the fucking he gave me bent over the desk, this is gentle. His cock eases into me, and he doesn't slam into me in desperation, but takes me slowly.

It doesn't take long, as the base of his cock insistently rubs my clit with each thrust, and in only a few minutes I'm overtaken and hear myself scream out some guttural, desperate sounds. He comes seconds later with grunts and not a small amount of swearing.

He rolls off of me right away, as his body is cold against mine. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"No. But my 'girl part' as you call it, is a little sore." A cold hand reaches down and gives me a little pat.

"Ah, well, we'd better give it some rest. It's not like there aren't other ways I can make you come," he says with a sly smile, as he pulls me to lie on my side, facing him.

"You could call it what it is, you know," I tell him seriously.

"You want me to talk dirty to you?" he whispers eagerly. I nod frantically, wondering what he could possibly say that could turn me on even more.

He begins in a low, throaty voice, "I thought about fucking you from the minute you walked into the cafeteria," he says, "but the reality was so different from what I'd imagined, even in my raunchiest fantasies. So hot and tight. So wet." He's looking straight into my eyes as he says this. Cold hands begin to toy with my breasts. "What was your favorite thing, baby? Getting fucked on the counter, as we both watched my cock disappear into your pussy, or bent over the desk, with me standing behind you, gripping your hips while I took you?"

And god help me, but I feel that tingling in my cunt again, but I can't take it a third time. Not for a few hours, at least. He goes on, unraveling me with his words. "Was my cock what you expected? Big enough? Hard enough?"

"Bigger," I gasp. "Longer, thicker than I'd imagined."

"What else do you want me to do you?" His voice is velvet in my ear. Time stands still as we lay curled together on this bed. Edward. He is the only thing that matters, the only thing that I want or need.

When I think I'll just pass out from the excitement, he continues. "I liked watching my cock sliding up your cunt when I bent you over the desk. And the noises that you made, the fragrance of your desire and need…Bella…good god." His cock is rock hard against me again. And I have an idea. Actually, I'd seen it in those porn films I'd watched with Tammy.

"How is your thirst?" I ask.

"It's good. No problems."

"So, do you think it's safe if I put my tongue on you? Maybe you should go open the window wider."

His eyes grow wide and he jumps off the bed and opens the windows as wide as they'll go. He stands for a moment, sucking in the fresh air, and then returns to me. "Okay. I'm okay." He looks at me with anticipation. Excitement.

I move some pillows so I'm leaning against the headboard. Edward then glances at me quizzically and I press my breasts together with both hands. His mouth falls open as he glances from my breasts, to my face, and down again. I motion for him to join me on the bed and to straddle me.

It takes a sec to get in the right position, but after maneuvering around, we're in the proper spot. He kneels over me and thrusts his cock between my cupped breasts, and I lick the tip when it emerges. And I wish I could snap a picture of his facewhen I do this. His eyes are wide and his mouth drawn into an 'O'. I grab his ass as he fucks my tits, and it takes about ninety seconds before I am rewarded with a face full of come.

His expression when he sees my dripping face is a mixture of revulsion and satisfaction, I think. I lick as much of it as I can, causing him to shake his head minutely. He gets up and fetches me a hand towel from the bathroom, still with a bemused expression on his face.

"I guess you weren't expecting that," I say with a smile.

"Porn movie?" he says. I nod. "What else did you see in there that might shock the shit out of me?"

"That's my secret," I tease. "But I have a question. You said your family thinks about sex a lot. Why is that, do you think?"

"Sex is thrilling, of course, but part of it is that it's just something to do. When you don't sleep nights, you have a lot of hours to fill."

I think about this for a moment. I'll have roughly eight more hours every day. Of course, they'll be spent with Edward.

"I can't explain this properly to you, but I'll try," he says, voice serious. "We exist outside of time, Bella. Everything that we do in the human world comes at a cost, to us and sometimes, to the humans we interact with. This is what Rosalie hates so much about our existence. Never being able to really fit in, never being able to show our true faces, except to our family."

"I saw this on my first day at school," I say. "You all sat by yourselves. Most of that first day, you didn't even look at each other. It was weird."

"I've told you before how easy it is to feel superior to humans when you're Immortal. We exist on the periphery, never part of the moving tide of humanity as it surges forth, whether in success or failure, love or hate, gain or loss. We know that we are forever separated from them, Bella. Forever."

I blink a few times, and I get that weird feeling again that I can see Edward's reality out of the corner of my eye. If I turn my head real quick, it'll be gone, like it was a shadow or just my imagination.

It's out there, this separate reality. Edward once told me I had a foot inside, but that's not really true. I'm still fully in the human world, but I'll be giving that up in a few months. And I think that I finally see what he's been banging on about. It's a one-way street. Once you're there, you can't ever go back.

If I were to tell Edward here and now that I'd changed my mind, he'd be ecstatic. Thrilled beyond measure. He would be content to stay with me through my human life. I think about it for roughly ten seconds before I know that my original decision is the correct one. Maybe not for a lot of people, but for me. I know that I'm going to go through three days of hell and spend the rest of eternity with Edward beside me, in perfect love and harmony.

My stomach gurgles, bringing the conversation to a close. He says he'll make me some eggs, but I tell him I'm just going to grab some cereal. After washing up, I go downstairs. While I eat, I hear the shower run, and decide not to climb in with him, but get in when he's done. I need a minute to think about all the stuff we've done, the intimacy we've shared, and what else we can do.

After I'm showered, I head into the closet for some clothes and spy a box, sitting in the back. After I pull on jeans and a hoodie, I carry it out, but before I've opened the lid, Edward is standing in the doorway.

"Okay," he says, good-naturedly. "Look at all of them and get the mirth out of your system."

Confused, I open the box to see it crammed full of neatly folded boxers. But these aren't the staid checked ones your grandpa wears, or even the tight, nylon ones that you see at Walmart. These are fantastic.

I laugh as I unfold pair after pair after pair. Spongebob. Mickey Mouse. Buzz Lightyear. Star Trek. Two red lips in a pucker. Beevis and Butthead and Sylvester Stallone and dozens and dozens more. "Alice bought these for you?" I laugh some more.

"Alice buys all of our clothes for us. Years ago, she bought me a silly pair. Emmett found them and thought it was hysterical. Now, she buys them for all three of us 'boys'. It's the closest we'll ever come to anything remotely casual."

I sober as I fold them and put them on the shelf. "I wonder when she's going to wake up? Jasper has got to be going crazy."

Edward says, "Jasper has devolved to a dark place. I can only hope Alice wakes soon, for his sake as well as her own."

Then I guess we're each lost in our own thoughts. Today, his family has planned a hunting trip so we're doing Alice duty. Edward called Charlie, and Maya is driving him over so he can say his bit to Alice. I'm not looking forward to this, as Charlie is having a hard time coming to grips with the whole supernatural thing. But this is something he wants to do, and I guess we'll have to just grit our teeth and get it over with.