Chapter 86 Chapter Notes
Edward's lapse from Bella's POV
Bella finds a gift bag in Alice's closet with her name on it. Inside is a lovely orange tunic with big white buttons. Bella doesn't remember Charlie telling her and Edward about his dream. About how he saw her lying in a pool of blood, wearing a long shirt he'd never seen before. A shirt with big white buttons.
Chapter title belongs to Johnny Cash
Chapter 86 Ring of Fire Bella POV December 26th
12:20 pm
As I stand in Edward's old room, I don't see the mess that we've made. I see the remnants of an old life. Boxes litter the floor and there are CDs and DVDs scattered beside the media shelf. Edward is fussing because his CD tower has toppled over and they've skittered under the desk, all the way to the wall.
He won't fool around with me, so with a laugh, he sends me on a short errand to return a box of books to Alice and Jasper's closet. I set the box by the bed and talk to Alice for a sec. I brush the hair back from her face and hold her hand in mine. She looks hypnotized and lays still, not breathing, eyes wide open in an unblinking stare.
I stay in her room for a minute, thinking about all the sex that Edward and I have enjoyed the last couple of days. I mean, it's just unbelievable. The sex on Christmas eve was breathtaking, where I lost my virginity sitting on the kitchen counter, but the next morning, he surprised me with my fantasy: Bent over the desk in the dark. We played naughty Bella and he seduced me in the dark. There are movies out there that weren't as hot as that.
I'd had months to ponder what sex would be like with Edward, but what I actually experienced when he cornered me in the kitchen will be a cherished memory. I hope I'm not like him and his family, where my human memories fade, because what we did was more of a turn on than I ever thought possible.
My stomach gives an almighty growl, reminding me that I've neglected it. Again. I kiss Alice's cheek and drop the box in the closet, but as I turn to go, I see a gift bag with my name on it. Intrigued, I pick it up and peek inside. I see an orange envelope with my name scrawled on it and read the short note from my sister-in-law to be.
Bella, I saw how you were drawn to orange items when we went school shopping, and wanted to give this to you then, but you can be such a big baby about receiving presents sometimes! So I decided I'd just give this to you for Christmas, when it's considered bad form to refuse gifts! Love you!
Alice
I pull the item out of the bag and shake it out. It's a long orange tunic made from a thick brushed cotton with four big white plastic buttons. I think about it for about a second, and then graciously accept the gift. Thank you, Alice! I love it!
With a yank, I pull my own shirt off and slip on the orange shirt. After admiring it in the full-size mirror on Alice's closet door, I go back to Edward's bedroom, but he's sweeping up something that has spilled all over his floor. After a quick trip to the bathroom, I try to show the shirt to him, but he's under the desk again. He says that there's lunchmeat in the fridge, and I go downstairs to make myself some lunch.
After I make a sandwich, I go outside and eat. The sun is shining, and I'm hoping it will make a little Vitamin D in my skin. I pull the door shut behind me and take a few steps to the patio table, but snag my boots together. Foolishly, I try to save the stupid sandwich, and as I'm juggling it, lose my balance. I teeter for a second on the edge of the patio, fully realizing I'm about to fall, and that there isn't anything I can do about it.
The sandwich and its plate fly into the air as I topple down the stairs. My arms windmill around me and I think I'm going to have such a bruise, when I smack into the bricks, head first. There's a sharp crack, a bright white light, and then merciful darkness.
After some unknown period of time, something pierces my neck and suddenly, I'm on fire. It's like when James bit me—I feel as if my neck has been set alight—but there's a throbbing pain behind my left ear, and the unmistakable scent of fresh blood.
And I know what happened. I fell off the patio. Edward came out to investigate, and he bit me. I must have been too badly injured to save. All this swirls round and round in my head, my aching, throbbing, bleeding head, and I'm trying to do something, anything to put out this fire in my neck.
But I know it's the venom. And it has to burn through me. Through my whole body. I don't know if I can stand it! I kick my legs and try to escape Edward's grip. He's not talking to me, and this is a worry. He'd always told me that he was dangerous, that my blood called to him in a way that no other blood ever had, and now, here we are, alone, and I'm in his arms, and I'm bleeding.
I feel slightly more confident in my situation when Edward begins to soothe me. "Shh, shh," he says, as he strokes me. "You fell, honey, and hit your head. But I saved you."
But he doesn't put me down. And now I'm freaked out, because the more I gyrate and scream, the worse my head wound bleeds. I feel it, warm and sticky, running down my neck. My new orange shirt is wet with it. The smell of it is nauseating. My head spins.
"Edward, p-put…me…down. Please?" He doesn't respond. I try begging. "Please, please please put me down." I think if he would just release me, I could cope, but not in this position. He's holding me too tight.
But he doesn't let me go. And he doesn't put me down.
The venom has traveled down my neck, burning into my veins. It feels like I've been injected with acid! I try to slap at my neck but Edward is holding me too tightly, so I pull back my leg and attempt a kick, but the way he's grasping, me I'm just flailing against the air.
I really need him to put me down! If I could look him in the eye, he could see that it's me. Otherwise, because he's not responding, I'm afraid that it won't be as simple as a few bites and a horrible three days.
I'm desperately afraid it will be human for lunch, and regret afterward.
In my anguish, I claw around and reach his head. I try to slap him or poke him in the eye. He moves slightly out of my reach, and all I can do is grab a handful of hair and pull as hard as I can. He can't feel this, I know. My strength begins to ebb, but I twist and squirm in his arms. He only holds me tighter.
Edward doesn't speak a word. Not a platitude; not an apology; not a regret. My gasping, tearful pleas have not reached him, and in a move that signals his ultimate collapse, he buries his faceinto my head wound. And he begins to lap up the blood that pours out.
I feel sucking and hear slurping, which is excruciating, but when he bites the area, I scream. OH DEAR GOD, oh god, now there's venom in my scalp wound. My very brain is on fire. The venom sizzles into my cracked skull and zips around inside my head on a fiery track. I'm able to think more clearly, although when I try to beg, all that comes out is a guttural shriek.
I continue to flail and kick, but Edward only holds me tighter. He presses his mouth more firmly to my wound and I feel the sharp pain of sucking, along with the fire in my head, traveling down my neck. Blindingly hot, it feels like nothing more or less than a flame. I'm aware that I'm sobbing, gasping, as I plead for my life. If I can just look him in the eye, maybe he'll see my face, and remember that he loves me.
Otherwise, I'm going to die here, a little less than three days away from a perfect future with my perfect husband.
I marshal all of my remaining strength and when I feel Edward's face move a fraction, quickly turn my head, but he catches me and pulls my neck near his mouth. I can't see his face. He takes a deep, shuddering breath and, without warning, plunges his teeth into the flesh under my ear.
Fire bursts into the bite, swamping the area with his venom.
And my world collapses.
I feel a last, desperate longing to kiss Edward's perfect face a final time as the pain, the fire, engulfs me.
1 pm
From far away, separate from the pain but still all mixed up with it, I hear Alice's voice. She says something to Edward and there's a jostling, and then he finally releases me. Somebody carries me…somewhere. I'm lying down and there's a lot of chatter, although I can't make it out.
Someone moves different parts of my clothing and I feel small bites on my legs and wrists. I am overcome when a bite is administered to my stomach. Oh, dear lord, oh my god! FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!
I…I…where am I? I can't open my eyes, I can't think.
I'm dying. Burning to death. Time has no meaning. Burning…burning…from far away I think I hear Carlisle's voice, then, nothing but the acid, searing through me. I lose myself in the pain, but try to remember why I'm here, what lies at the end of the fiery road.
Edward.
I try to keep his face in my mind, but he's behind a veil of flame. At some point, water sluices over my skin and my limbs are moved. The fire rages on. I begin to see images of fire-ravaged buildings, of volcanoes and fiery explosions and the surface of the sun. I am all of these things and more. Hotter than an exploding star.
Music plays in the distance, and someone holds my hand. I think it's Edward. I can hear him speak sometimes, but can't understand more than a word here and there, like when you have a bad signal on a cell phone call. I want to tell him that I love him, that I forgive him for biting me, but my lips will not form words.
I fall into a lava pit and hear myself screaming. My body is jostled and I smell Edward's clean scent. I want to stop the shrieking, but I can't, I can't, I CAN'T. There's no smell of burned flesh, but I don't know why not. I am being consumed. I will never survive this. No one could.
Emmett's voice intrudes on my misery. He and Rosalie are going to…do something. I can't make out what it is.
6 pm
Carlisle's voice rings out, then Esme's. I don't know why, but I can understand them now. The pain is severe but if I get on top of it, it's manageable. Esme's cold arms encircle me but I'm distracted by Edward's harsh voice. Oh, god, he's talking to Charlie. I can't hear any more. The fire seems like it's everywhere at once, but I begin to feel it deeper. It's not just on the surface anymore. Someone has injected me with deadly poison, and it's in my muscles and my bones.
I feel Esme's hands again, and, oh good god, she's brushing my hair. I concentrate on the bristles as they scratch my scalp. She does this over and over, and I feel a little calmer. I try to focus on this feeling but I can't keep my arms and legs from twitching and flailing. How long has it been? God, how much longer will this go on? What if it's only been ten minutes?
From what Edward told me, I thought I wouldn't be conscious enough to understand much of anything. He'd said that he could really only remember the pain, that he could occasionally hear Carlisle's voice, but that he wasn't able to process what was happening. I can't wait until I'm through this ordeal to discuss it with him. If I live through it.
The brushing stops and strong hands pull my hair into a braid, I think. I wish I could ask her to continue the brushing. It felt so good. I squeeze the hands that hold me. Edward's hands. He gives a little laugh and squeezes back. "Oh god, Bella. You're going to be all right. It's been about seven hours. I love you, Bella." He kisses my forehead.
I can feel tears, cooling on my cheeks, the only thing in my world that is not akin to an egg, dropped into a hot frying pan. Sizzle, sizzle, sizzle.
7:15 pm
There's some commotion as the door is opened. Charlie rushes toward me and pulls me into his arms. I try so hard not to scream or cry, but the tears fall relentlessly, from both of us. He cradles me like a baby and cries. I did this. I broke Charlie's heart.
There's that feeling again, that my life isn't really mine. Well, it is now. I'm on my way to joining Edward, and as much as I hate the fact that Charlie is grieving, I am overjoyed to be able to spend eternity with my husband.
I begin to have Far Side-like fantasies, where Edward says, 'I'd like to introduce my wife,' and he points to a pile of ashes sitting next to him. Or he says to someone, 'Let me ask Bella.' And he turns to me and I'm a raging fire, burning out of control.
I lose track of these fantasies as the fire just gets on top of me and I lose control. I know that Charlie is holding me, and not Edward. And that Charlie is recovering from a painful and life-changing injury, but I hear myself shrieking and the only thing that distracts me from the pain is pulling my hair.
He struggles with me, and I hear a tussle as Edward tries to help him. Edward retreats and Charlie finally puts me down. With great effort, I regain some control, and Charlie begins to sing to me. I sit inside of a nuclear blast, doing battle with the pain. It radiates deep inside me, as if I've swallowed an active flame. I try to focus on Charlie's voice, but it's strange to me, as I've never before heard him sing. Not a note. But his voice is soft and melodic, and I try to listen to his lullaby.
After some period of time, I'm passed back to Edward and begin to hear more of the conversations around me. I'm immersed in flame, but it's a separate thing. Carlisle is explaining to a stunned Charlie exactly how the conversion works. Charlie says, "Why didn't anybody tell me this stuff before tonight?"
Damn. He didn't know. I thought Maya had told him; she thought I had told him. Nobody told him, and what we did tell him, he didn't hear. His warm, calloused hand caresses my head as he passes, and then he stops. He must catch sight of Edward's eyes, because I hear him say, "Your eyes were a warm gold color. Now they're red?"
Edward doesn't say a word. Maya tries to get Charlie to leave, but he pushes Edward, who doesn't resist him, and I feel my body laid on the quilt. My head is turned and Charlie must see where Edward bit me. I haven't seen the bite myself, of course, but it must be terrible, because I hear a sharp intake of breath, and Charlie says, "What did you do to my daughter?"
And then I'm laying on the quilt, trying to manage a few minutes without screaming, while Charlie just falls to pieces. Maya kneels on the floor with him, telling him that this was Edward's and my decision. That I have the right to make my own choices. When I think that he's finally going to calm down and go home, I hear the door click, and then he's howling out on the patio, "Why did you let her put this on?"
Although the rest of my body feels as if it is melting, my brain is able to think things through. I'd put on that pretty orange shirt, the one I'd never seen before. It was in a gift bag, stowed in Alice's closet. It had four big white buttons and fell to mid-thigh.
Big white buttons.
Oh dear.
"I told you!" he yells through his tears. "I saw Bella lying in a pool of blood wearing an orange shirt with big white buttons!"
Maya says, "You didn't say the shirt was orange." Edward confirms this.
Oh, my god. He didn't tell us it was orange. And when I found it, I didn't even think about the big white buttons. I was busy thinking about Edward bending me over the desk in the media room and fucking me from behind.
The pain gets on top of me again, and I hear myself crying out. This time, it's in the muscles of my legs. I feel as if I am standing in a lake of fire.
10:15 pm
Esme scoops me up and I'm swept through the air to Edward's room. I can smell his bed. Downstairs, there's a commotion, and I hear Edward and Rosalie fighting. And, oh my god, he threatens to tear her head off. There's a ruckus between him and Emmett, and before they can go at it, Jasper does that thing where he makes everyone forget they're mad at each other.
This is my fault. All my fault.
Edward goes to hunt with Carlisle and Esme stays with me. She tells me about the night that Alice revealed to Edward that he was in love with a human. How terrified he was that he would hurt me. "We all loved you from the minute we met you," she says. "Well, everyone except Rosalie, and she only likes herself and Emmett. Herself first." She says this last bit with some bitterness.
I find that I can process her words just fine, as long as I'm on top of the pain. I wish she'd tell me how much longer I have to go. I can't keep track of time. Esme chatters on about all the different places the family has lived, then segues into all the work her company has done over the past years. "I had fun doing your house," she says with a little laugh. "Even though you picked out most of the furniture and the entire decorating scheme, we were all worried that you wouldn't like it."
She rubs my back and begins to hum, and I hear the door open downstairs. Edward and Carlisle are in the living room, speaking to Jasper. Edward tells them that Rosalie better stay away from him. He sounds serious.
I lapse into another fiery pit and lose track of everything going on around me. I emerge to the whole family in Edward's bedroom. They gently tell Alice that we're married and about the house. Alice is really upset. There's a lot of chatter that I can't keep up with, then the smell of new clothing. Alice says she's bought the items for my graduation. "I don't guess she'll be there, so give these to her when she wakes up."
Time passes, but I can't categorize it. People come and go. Edward leaves me with Alice, who chats about all kinds of stuff. She tells me I have eleven hours left.
Eleven hours! Gah!
If it's possible, the fire is gaining in intensity. Edward dresses me in jeans and a tee shirt, and I try to help him but I can't control my muscles. I hear him puttering around in the room, probably tidying up the mess that we left.
At long last, Edward tells me it will be just a few more minutes. Carlisle, Esme, Jasper and Alice come into the room and wait. We all wait. They chat quietly, as if I'm on my deathbed, which, when I think about it, is exactly where I am. I hold onto my humanity for a few more minutes, feeling the flames reach deep into my chest, to my heart, and begin to scream again.
A cool hand grips mine and squeezes. My heart begins to flutter, then it skips a beat here and there. Then, another. And just like that, it stutters, then stops.
And the fire is gone.
The fire is gone.
And I open my eyes.
Love is a burning thing
And it makes a fiery ring
Bound by wild desire
I fell into a ring of fire
I fell into a burning ring of fire
I went down, down, down and the flames went higher
And it burns, burns, burns, the ring of fire
The ring of fire
The taste of love is sweet
When hearts like ours meet
I fell for you like a child
Oh, but the fire went wild
I fell into a burning ring of fire
I went down, down, down and the flames went higher
And it burns, burns, burns, the ring of fire
The ring of fire.